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2034 MLB Season 2033 was a pretty standard year player-wise, but threw us a weird curveball with the relocation of the Detroit Tigers to Indianapolis as the "Indianapolis Golden Knights." The gooniverse saw mass-riots all across Michigan, as Little Caesar's pizzas were burned down in protest of the Illitch's betrayal, and Detroit Red Wings fans boycotted their games en masse, sparking fears of another big relocation of another beloved franchise. Commissioner Manfred has been under heavy pressure to reverse the decision - or at least force a renaming of the franchise, and will likely look to the goons for guidance. As for the goons themselves - no goons managed to win any championship rings, and only Reggie Blank won an award - a single Golden Glove. Vegeta was yet again close to a CY Young, but finished second for the second or third time. Will this be his year? We also said goodbye to Rex Sisters and Steve "Boney" McGee, but wish them the best of luck in their new coaching careers! We've also lost our Detroit (now Indy) foursome - the departure of Blank to Tampa and Plusse to Arizona means it's just Replica and McCracken on Indy now - but Replica is finished with arbitration very soon, and may test free agency. Bantoni is thriving now at DH, while some of our goons are beginning to age and may be starting their decline. Will we see some goons start to age out? Will our stragglers in the lower leagues lead to more retirements this year? Let's find out!   Here's how our goons stand in January of 2033, with a new added info line for their organization (which is very helpful for me!). You can see Kalan still serving his shameful, playoff-missing suspension. Thanks to the breakup of the Tigers foursome, it looks like the Phillies and Dodgers are now the orgs with the most goons, but they are generally spread out quite evenly. And to be quite honest, Jack Glasscock's odds of making to the majors are fairly low (same with Krillin and Dowd on the Dodgers) - so most franchises have one "talented" goon and one mediocre-marginal goon on it. I think Replica-Blank was the last big duo of franchise leading goons. That could change very soon however - as both Tubbs and Dugless remain unemployed. I'm still holding out hope for Tukachevsky as well, but we all know his body is a light breeze away from completely falling apart. He managed to play 53 games in 2033 though (in AAA), which was his best since 2030 when he managed 79! 111 in 2025 remains his best overall. Yikes.   And look at that! What did I say about no teams having two good goon players? Vegeta has company - SNK Replica is free of the dumpster fire that is the Indianapolis Golden Knights and is traded for three 40-50 potential rated prospects. Good for Replica, probably not for Indy, but the GK are in complete rebuild mode and I guess didn't want to bother negotiating a longer term pact for Replica and took what prospect haul they could. With that move Chicago is looking MUCH better offensively. If she stays healthy, maybe she can help Vegeta win his second ring - and her first.   Replica's signing alone represents 4 of the 6 net WAR. Atlanta sheds a lot of its talent despite its big signing of Adam Malysz, and I'm sure Philly Goons Kalan and Alface are happy to see Philly trying to maintain its competitive edge. Mets superstar Bob Glass may have some cause for concern - the Mets collapsed to fourth place last season, and have shed another 16 WAR in talent this offseason. The good news is that they're loaded as hell and any rebuilding effort would likely be brief - hell, they already re-signed another 7 WAR worth of talent to staunch the bleeding.    Here we go again. Dugless is being courted by many teams, always for lovely one year deals. This is a guy capable of putting up 5-6 WAR seasons, why does no one want to sign him for more than a year? I genuinely don't understand. I guess it's as much on him for not demanding more, but his greed is 116/200 so ??? At the start of Spring nothing changes - everyone but Dowd and Panda are on MLB rosters, with Tubbs, Tukh, and Dugless still waiting to be signed.   Replica getting an early start on being injured during Spring. Only minor though.   Saito, however, reinjures the exact same ligament he ended the season with last year, knocking him out for six weeks. Reds may need a need medical staff if they didn't fix this in the offseason!   What is this??? Dugless on a team before Spring Training is complete? I think this is the first time in 3 seasons that's happened! But it's great news for Bob Glass and the Mets, as they clearly do not intend to go into any rebuilding phase. Dugless played with the Mets once already two seasons ago, in what was his second best season with a 5.9 WAR (his best was his 2028 season with the Cubs where he put up a whopping 7.3 WAR WHILE making GBS threads the bed pitching wise). I will note that the Mets didn't seem to enjoy the idea of letting Dugless pitch, so we may see a bit less of that this season. With the end of Spring, I feel compelled to at least peek at the NL East Predictions:  We have quite a few goons in the NL east now, with the Phillies and Mets particularly stacked with goons. The Mets are projected to be dominant once again, with the Phillies probably on the margins and out of the playoffs. Maybe Kalan and Face can change that.   Again, most goons are promoted to the MLB with the usual hangers-on in the minors. McCracken is back in the majors as the sole remaining Indy goon! Can he turn things around before his contract expires? He has two more seasons left to do so.  Tubbs and Tukhachevsky still have no team  . I think for our Russian friend it may be the end of the line. Tubbs still has an outside chance - our once NL Wild Card MVP has a bit left in the tank. He also has a stellar personality: Tragically, coming off arguably his best season yet, Prince Vegeta is NOT tasked to start the opening game of the season for the White Sox, breaking his streak of at least 4 or 5 years. Not sure if he was tired or what, but it's a shame to see.    Based Blank blisters Boston at baseball, boasting and blasting balls boisterously, basically besting Beantown.   Jeffthew is so frustrating - or at least, the Rockies' usage of him is. He is tearing up AAA and has appeared a bit in Colorado this year, but as always, never seems to stick. Just give him a chance drat it!   Replica gives me a heart attack with that subject line, but it's only a day to day injury. She's having BY FAR her best start of a season yet, with an insane 232 OPS+ with 14 dingers over 30 games. That pace won't hold but it's a GREAT start and I hope Chicago correctly gives her some rest to make sure that injury doesn't get aggravated.   Yet it's Bantoni who wins player of the month for April. The chauvinistic MLB just isn't ready for a superstar female player.  Again, just day to day, but I'm terrified.   Sir Plusse, our former starter turned reliever, is apparently upset in Houston now. He's definitely something of a whiner, didn't he cry about this on the Tigers too? Or was it when he was on Arizona?   Good news! Tubbs signs a minor league contract with KC, and is quickly promoted to the majors. He'll join Jessie Crime in their attempt to make KC viable, as they're off to a slow start.   Cooper seemed poised to play the season with the Rockies - but suffered a nasty 5 week injury during Spring. He's now back to good health but spending his time in AAA. Why the Rockies absolutely refuse to promote our goons is beyond me, but I'm officially hating on the Rockies and hoping goons avoid their misuse.  After I say that, McDichel does more good stuff in AAA, and both he and Cooper are promoted to the MLB.   Tragedy! Bitchface suffers one of the worst injuries - a concussion, knocking him out for the season.  Let's hope our big thinker doesn't develop any long term problems from this.   Oh hey! Our great Russian comrade eludes retirement (at least for now) by signing a one year deal with the Guardians org, the Akron Rubberduckies. Great name. We otherwise cruise through June and July, as the All-Star rosters are announced!       A GREAT year for goons as we match our all-time high of 6 All-Stars! Charlie Brown stands out as a bit of a surprise, coming in for his first appearance in the All-Star roster! The rest are veterans of the game - Vegeta has a goon leading 7, and seven in a row at that. Bantoni is here for the fifth time, and fourth in a row, Snorp and Replica their fourth, and Dugless his third. No Reggie? We'll see why later.  Bob Glass JUST misses the game too, losing by less than 100k votes. drat. Kalan suffers a similar fate.  Before the AS game though, we have the home run challenge (derby). And wouldn't you know it - rivals Replica and Bantoni are both participating. I'm really enjoying their overall rivalry, and I really hope they end up against each other here!   It's happening! Bantoni and Replica both win their respective rounds by a single dinger. Who will prevail? Apparently I can watch? For fun, I uploaded both as youtube videos. I am no video guy so they're not the most exciting: Bantoni https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4KqyG3oaHU Replica https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5jgimGinhQ  In the end, Bantoni bests Replica by just a single dinger. She had about 30 seconds to hit one at the end, but couldn't quite do it. Can Bantoni finish the job?  Alas, he cannot. He is crushed by whoever Bob LaValley is.  The All-Star game is a competitive affair, with the AL besting the NL by one run, 4-3. Our biggest contributor is Replica with an RBI, and Charlie Brown who pitches a 2K otherwise beautiful inning. Vegeta once again does not appear, while the rest don't really do anything. Yawn. 2034 All-Star Batting Stats  I'm seeing a big divide between the best and worst goons this year overall - but I'm loving what I'm seeing! Dugless is thriving once again on the Mets, leading goons in OPS+ and second in WAR at the half. That .341 OBP is wonderful and he leads goons in walks (barely), and he's stealing bases at a solid pace to boot. Please for the love of all that is holy mets, give this man a goddamn multi year extension! Snorp is also having a MUCH needed rebound year. Last year was absolutely dreadful - he barely had positive WAR and his average dropped to an unimpressive .257, salvaged mostly by his solid power numbers and great supporting hitters on the Rangers. This year he's back in full form and may be poised to have his best season yet at 31. Hell yea! Replica though... is putting on a master class for all goonkind. She's been a bit iffy injury wise, and her playing time reflects this, but you wouldn't know it looking at her numbers. She has a goon leading 32 home runs, a 60+ pace, and leads virtually every other power category. Her OPS is over 1.000! And 5.4 WAR at the half? All while playing 100 games less than Bantoni? Keep this girl healthy and she might set some goon records this season. Maybe MLB ones too! Bantoni isn't exactly sleeping on this either - his stats would be impressive were Replica not smashing all of them. I'm glad to see him starting virtually every day too - and it's weird not seeing Kalan at the top. Speaking of, Kalan and Glass are having above average seasons characterized most delightfully by full health and regular starts. Kalan remains more of a contact hitter and Glass more of a power guy, but both are putting up numbers anyone would love to see. Glass interestingly tops out Kalan in WAR by a lot, thanks to his stellar defense. Is that Clips I see up there with the big boys (and girls) too? He's always been JUST under the radar as one of our latecomers, but is earning that every day playing time in Arizona. Get it Clips! Tim McCracken though... Tim. 53 OPS+. .179 average. You have ONE more season after this or you are pretty hosed. I really hope the people of Detroit list your contract among the crimes when they come to hold Ilitch for trial. Goku is similarly sucking but STILL getting playing time! He's got a barely positive WAR, I'm assuming as a utility outfielder, because it's definitely not his hitting. But he's above the Mendoza line, and the Angels are sending him out there almost every day! Malysz is having a below average season with Houston, but has time to put it back together. 2034 All-Star Pitching Stats  Prince Vegeta is having yet another good year, and based on WAR could actually surpass the last. But his numbers are definitely nowhere near as impressive as last year's 143 ERA+ and 2.93 ERA. A great second half could put him back in the Cy Young conversation though, depending on his competition! Charlie Brown is the true surprise here though. Remember when our boy was struggling for playing time? He's now a bona fide starter on Miami, putting up numbers SURPASSING our esteemed Prince of All Saiyans! His FIP suggests some luck and he's not exactly striking out dudes like Vegeta does but he's getting results! He's Miami's ace, and I hope he's compensated accordingly. Dugless.... is once again sucking at pitching. It's been real up and down and they are still sending him out almost every day. But his ERA and IP tell a story of suffering. His FIP is 5.19 so maybe a tad unlucky though? Sir Plusse is doing well in Houston despite his protestations. He's their dedicated closer right now and seems to have pivoted to throwing hard and making bats miss, as he's got a higher K/9 than even Vegeta! Rich Mahogany is having a slightly worse season than Plusse despite better ratings, and is the dedicated setup guy in Oakland. Both Houston and Oakland are above average teams, so it'll be interesting to see which goon ends up with more Saves/Holds. Manjack apparently played one inning, striking out two batters. Yay? Overall, honestly, one of our best first halves yet! I'm eager to see how this season ends.  For those eager to see the standings, lots of teams with goons stand to be competitive! Disappointed the Phillies aren't doing better, but they're hardly out of it. Doubt Manjack's 1 IP is going to help him get a ring with Baltimore, sadly.  Plusse continues to be the subject of trade rumors. Not sure if that's his doing or Houston's doing.   Nooooo!!!! Come the gently caress on! Dugless was having an AMAZING season and proceeded to destroy his ankle. He's definitely out for the season and I think the post-season too. gently caress! I hate this game.   Charlie at least cheers me up with a 4-0 shutout. Dude is showing Vegeta who is the boss this year. Imagine if he wins a Cy Young before our Prince.  Tragedy strikes Charlie Brown in the beginning of September though, as his back gives out, sidelining him for the entire month. He still had an impressive career season, and hopefully will be ready for the playoffs IF the Marlins make it. That's a big if without his help.   In other news, Replica gets ANOTHER day to day injury. Seriously, she's been hurt seven times this season, but remarkably, always day to day. Her impressive numbers are coming up despite being hobbled by them though.  Tukhachevsky? A sprained knee? Can we just give this guy a new knee?  Lol, that's his injury proneness. 200/200.  . "Long time season ticket holder," so what, two years? That or the dude kept his through the relocation. The season ends, and here's how the teams stand:  Some disappointment with neither Philly nor Miami making the postseason . The White Sox missed it too! Dugless may get a ring, but he is injured for another 7 weeks, and will miss the entire playoffs. Sad.Goon playoff ring potential: TOR - Kemping TEX - Borsgaard OAK - Mahogany NYM - Glass, Dugless (injured)] LAD - Dowd, Krillin AND Panda are all in the Dodgers minors but did not appear in '34. SFG - Tubbs was signed by the Giants in September but hasn't appeared with them Very disappointing. The near misses of Philly/Miami/CHW really limit our goon potential. Only 4 teams may be a low not seen in at least 5 or 6 seasons.  drat, the first round will even see at least one goon knocked out between Oakland and Toronto . Welp.   Mahogany does well in his limited appearance, while Bantoni continues to be a solid playoff performer. Toronto narrowly defeats the A's by just one run in game 3, 5-4.  Tragically though, Bob Glass and the Mets are quickly defeated by the Cubs 2-1, with an embarassing 6-0 loss in game 3. Interesting fun fact though:  The series MVP is Jayden Stroman, who you might recognize as the MUCH younger brother of MLB pitcher Marcus Stroman. He's been crushing it in the gooniverse! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dj4X43kUafA With that our goon ring hopes hinge on the Rangers and Blue Jays.  Welp.  Bantoni did not show up much against the Yankees - but neither did the entire Blue Jays team. They lost 6-3, 8-3, and 12-3. Oof.  Snorp did his best in his own series against the Twins, including a home run in game 4, but the Rangers lost 3-1. And with that all goon hope was lost. Let's just end this awful postseason.  Congrats to the Padres, who win their second World Series Championship in a row! The gooniverse padres are pretty goddamn good - since '22 they've made the playoffs 8/12 times and won the WS twice. If only we had some goons on that roster!  It's always funny to see the news the day the WS is over - teams fire all their lovely managers/GMs. Pretty sure the nationals sack at least one GM/Manager a season. Goons did pretty well this season so maybe they'll assuage my pain with some awards!    There we go! Congrats to Replica and Malysz for winning some Golden Gloves! Fielding makes a difference, even if it's not as flashy as hitting dingers. Replica can do both.   No really, she's loving impressive. A silver slugger AND a golden glove? And you peeping that nearly 9 WAR?  This is becoming a meme - is the game trolling us? Vegeta is ONCE AGAIN second place for the Cy Young. He got a first place vote at least this time!  The AL MVP race sees more goons in contention, with Replica taking Vegeta's role as second banana. And is that Snorp I spy not too far beneath her? A mediocre goon trophy haul, with Replica salvaging us from a disastrous awards year.   It's free agency and offseason time! Dugless leads the goons as a coveted FA, who else joins him?   First things first, how did THIS not make the news!  WAY back in March, Replica signed a VERY lucrative extension with the White Sox! 5 years at nearly 200 million is pretty drat impressive. An AAV of like 38 million? She's skyrocketed to by far the best paid goon overall - and her total contract value is only slightly below Glass', though his was over 8 years and not 5.  Jesus, nearly 40 million per year!? Well she's a White Sox for the foreseeable future - and has at least two seasons to go with her buddy Vegeta to see if they can win her a ring, and get Vegeta his second. I wonder if we'll see Bantoni get a similar deal, now that he's at the end of his arb time. 23 million off arb is pretty drat impressive too.    Charlie Brown!!!! I hope you stuck it out in the thread, blockhead, because you got your reward! Is it a massive contract? No, but 3 years with a solid 11 million for two of them? And promises of staying a starter? That seemed way out of reach not long ago. Don't give up on your guys goons! The other goons listed with salaries/contract value are there with minor league extensions or continuation of the arb or automatic salaries. Our big free agents are Saito, PLusse, Panda, Face, Bitchface and of course, Dugless, who seems incapable of staying with one team for more than a year. I wonder if his injury proneness is what's giving teams pause. We'll see if any of them sign before we stop in January.    OOTP you aren't even trying! Well, Panda won't be a free agent any longer, joining the Mets with what is a good chance at a playoff run. I would like to note that this brings Panda's total earnings up even more, with 14 MLB innings pitched. Meanwhile, Dugless struggles to find teams to pay him 10 million a year. Only panda is signed by January, and no other big contract changes are made, allowing us to conclude with the hall of fame vote:    The baseball writers finally deem Max Scherzer worthy of the hall, and induct him on his fifth year. Not far behind him is Craig Kimbrel, but it looks like Verlander is going to fall a bit short. Jacob DeGrom appears on the ballot for the first time alongside Nolan Arenado, but neither appear to have the support needed to get in. Let's see what the numbers were for 2034! 2034 Goon Batting Stats  Uhhhh, Replica!?   How the gently caress did she not get the MVP award this season!? She actually led the MLB in WAR with 8.9, but had the award stolen because the guy who won it had 64 dingers. Impressive, but she had better value!Really, there's not much on there NOT to love. 48 home runs, 120 RBI's, a pretty reasonable number of K's for her power, .307 average... above 1.000 OPS.... and league leading .689 slugging! Power AND contact. The ONLY thing she didn't do is walk a lot, and that's hardly a negative. Probably most encouraging is her play time - she was hit by injuries a bit but still managed to appear in 131 games. Imagine if she was healthy... another 30 games/150 PA's? Frightening. Bantoni may have had one more dinger in the HR derby, but his 47 was one behind Replica's among goons. His RBI was just short too, over an additional 170ish PA's. His WAR is lacking because he's atrocious at fielding and they still keep sending him out there on occasion, but he remains one of the best pure hitter goons and a perennial contender for batting awards. And that OPS  .Snorp had a career year, and probably wishes he was in his FA year. Not only did he redeem his dreadful 2033 but he had by far his best season yet - he put up 5.8 WAR and 157 OPS+, eclipsing his '29 numbers of 3.7 and 125 respectively. This was a career best in hits, triples (and led all of MLB in triples), and just behind his '28 numbers in HR and RBI. A career best .306 eclipsed his previous best of .279, as he's now pulling contact out of nowhere to go along with his resurgence in power. I hope this is Snorp transforming into an elite player, and not just a blip. I also hope it means some cashola next year in FA/extension. Dugless had a great year cut short by injuries yet again. There's not much more to say since he barely played beyond his games at the half, but he remains an amazing player - when healthy. Shoutouts again to Kalan and Glass for their impressive above average numbers, especially glass' 31 dingers! What happened to Reggie Blank though!? Finally healthy, he played nearly all season but saw his numbers plummet, with an anemic .232 average. Interestingly, his power numbers were up a teensy bit over last year and helped soften the decline, but his 0.9 WAR tells us a lot, and this was his worst season of his entire career. McCracken is back up to the Mendoza line! He actually had a decent second half of the season!? I'm ready for him to have an amazing 2035 and crater again, just to gently caress over Indy. Goku continued to suck. But he also continues to get playing time. He did get demoted somewhere after the half though, so maybe Arizona is abandoning him. Everyone else played about average, which is wonderful to be honest, because it means they'll keep getting to play  No contest here - Replica was the best goon this season, hands down. I might argue best goon season we've yet seen. I salivate at the thought of how her numbers would look if she played 30ish more games. 2034 Goon Batting Award is hers. 2034 Goon Pitching Stats  Vegeta managed to finish on a hot streak, almost getting back below 3.00 ERA. What more can be said about our best pitching goon? He's keeping that K/9 up, walking an acceptable amount, and keeping the dingers within reason as well. A shame the White Sox aren't better (though with Replica now, maybe they'll improve), and a shame that he STILL doesn't have a Cy Young. Charlie is the real shocker this year. Out of no where our boy actually had better ERA numbers than Vegeta, and even better HR/9 and BB/9 too! His WAR reflects that he didn't go as deep into games and had fewer overall starts/appearances, but I'm impressed. That extension fills me with hope! Plusse did great down the stretch and seems to really be settling in as a reliever. 22 saves and holds is not something to be ignored, especially since Houston struggled as a mediocre team. Look at that K/9 too! He also appeared in 69 games, teehee. This bodes well for a nice reliever contract. Mahogany somehow outdid Plusse down the stretch, but with a worse team and appearing a bit less overall. I'm not sure if his fewer saves+holds reflects weirder usage by the A's, who actually DID make the playoffs, or what, but his numbers imply a pretty strong reliever. It looks like the A's actually converted him into a starter towards the very end, so I don't really know what they intend to do with him from here on out. He did sign an extension though for nearly 3 million, with a promise that he'd be a starter, so  .Dugless is a bad pitcher and got hurt. Will he pitch again? Who fuckin' knows. Manjack came back and pitched more! And didn't do too well! But it's small sample size. I hope Baltimore keeps using him and his bizarre 6 pitch arsenal:  I'm going to do something controversial - I'm impressed by Charlie Brown's gumption, lower ERA, and come from behind story. Charlie Brown is my Goon Pitcher of the year for 2034. Deal with it Vegeta. 2034 Goon Fielding Stats  I think I'm going to stop analyzing/giving awards for fielding because I frankly don't know enough about fielding stats to comment properly. I will simply shame Tim Mcracken for leading in errors while also being our worst hitter. Shame! 2034 was a fun season, but frustrating. We had six goon All-Stars, only to see Dugless be demolished by an injury. We saw Replica have the best season of any goon so far, only to struggle with minor injuries herself. No goons even made it to the Championship series despite great performances across the board. What will 2035 hold? Will Saito get a big contract? Is Blank really in decline? Will Dugless or Replica make it a whole season without dying? Will Bantoni rise to outshine his rival? Will Vegeta FINALLY win a Cy Young? Find out next time on O-O-T-P! JosefStalinator fucked around with this message at 11:26 on Mar 5, 2023 |
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Mar 5, 2023 11:17
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Also: 
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Mar 5, 2023 11:20
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God drat, Replica.  Also will the game let you view individual games the way you could watch the homerun derby?
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Mar 5, 2023 14:34
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That injury for Charlie Brown at the end was a bummer, he was willing the Marlins to win!
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Mar 5, 2023 16:57
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Wait when did Zell go to the Twins?? Also hell yeah Snorp!
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Mar 5, 2023 17:10
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Goddamit Bitchface!
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Mar 5, 2023 17:12
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Alright, Saito, you're free of the Reds! Now go sign somewhere where they'll actually put you at 1B!
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Mar 5, 2023 18:03
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Hoping Plusse gets signed to a decent team for a change; between how he carried the Tigers for his entire contract with them, and the fact that he hasn't even made the playoffs in years... I'd say he's about due to get a credible team. Also, it's nice that he's finally starting to live up to his "whiny drama queen" internal values instead of what we got when he was on the Tigers. Now if only he'd get a suspension and/or injury...
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Mar 5, 2023 18:09
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Douglas clearly keeps getting injured because he has to learn a new stadium every god damned year.
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Mar 5, 2023 18:27
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If this is a decline, I can't complain - Reggie has had a nice MLB career. And hey, he's still young. Can you provide more details on his morale?
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Mar 5, 2023 18:52
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Jose Alface didn't seem to play too much this year, but he had a positive WAR, so that's always nice  When will the arbitration period end?
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Mar 5, 2023 19:48
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Lol, has Vegeta surpassed Adam Wainwright for the most Cy shares in history without a W?
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Mar 5, 2023 21:25
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Another season in the minors, another MLB contract. Mr Panda has a hell of a grift going on. His current valuation is an absurd $1M per inning pitched.
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Mar 6, 2023 00:25
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God drat, Replica must have put that money towards upgraded batting armor. Also the speed at which she signed that extension after being traded has got to mean that Indy was trying to sign an extension too and decided it was too expensive.
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Mar 6, 2023 03:35
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Oh no, Kalan has become an unremarkable sub-All-Star player who can't get his team over the hump, a fate worse than death. (Or retirement, at least.) Even with the Phillies bringing in a good amount of talent in the offseason, they just can't overtake the Mets.
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Mar 6, 2023 03:55
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I can't wait to see how Splodey's free agency turns out. I bet it ends in retirement, but it will be cool if he gets any sort of contract. IRL he would probably be a good candidate for NPB.
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Mar 6, 2023 04:36
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I personally think that whatever satanic ritual that created Rooster came with the clause of whatever team he signed with would never reach the World Series. That HAS to be a blow to his morale.
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Mar 6, 2023 05:28
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DoubleNegative posted:God drat, Replica. Yes! We could theoretically watch a game each day (maybe more?) if we wanted to! It would be very boring. When I play my custom leagues alone, I used to manage my team's games, but it gets tedious over 162 game seasons. The game uses a kind of simplified 3D model that isn't quite as fun as watching a real game of baseball. I thought the home run derby, between two goons, might be a rare exception. If goons desire to see more videos of gameplay, they need only ask! Armitage posted:That injury for Charlie Brown at the end was a bummer, he was willing the Marlins to win! At least he got his extension and his renaissance is truly under way! He doesn't have too much of a history of injuries, so I think he's good for now rickiep00h posted:Wait when did Zell go to the Twins??  Looks like it happened a while ago, but Minnesota has taken a liking to him. They're mostly playing him off the bench I think because he's only starting ~30 games while playing in 65-70, but at least he's not being demoted to AAA at all! Ammat The Ankh posted:Lol, has Vegeta surpassed Adam Wainwright for the most Cy shares in history without a W?  That's 4 second place finishes and 1 third place. I think that's a record, I was only able to find pitchers who had two second place finishes without winning, but do let me know if I missed someone. https://www.beyondtheboxscore.com/2...%20this%20list. Pander posted:Another season in the minors, another MLB contract. Mr Panda has a hell of a grift going on. His current valuation is an absurd $1M per inning pitched. I hope Panda somehow outlasts actual players with full seasons, possibly never even touching the MLB again. IcePhoenix posted:God drat, Replica must have put that money towards upgraded batting armor. The White Sox have twice the payroll as Indy and presumably a much bigger budget, so that would make sense! ajkalan posted:Oh no, Kalan has become an unremarkable sub-All-Star player who can't get his team over the hump, a fate worse than death. (Or retirement, at least.) Even with the Phillies bringing in a good amount of talent in the offseason, they just can't overtake the Mets. Aww I wouldn't write off Kalan, could just be an off year. The Phillies though... he may have shamefully been suspended in their last playoff run before he either declines or signs with another team . He's demanding $3 million so he clearly expects a major league contract! I don't know if it will materialize given his limited playtime in the majors, but I'm rooting for him. I think he may be out of minors options so any team that takes him will have to keep him in the MLB.  HereticMIND posted:I personally think that whatever satanic ritual that created Rooster came with the clause of whatever team he signed with would never reach the World Series. That HAS to be a blow to his morale. The Mets won the World Series in '26, the year before he was called up. Since he joined, they've only missed the playoffs twice, making it 6 out of 8 times. He made it with them in '28 when they lost to Baltimore, so while he isn't keeping them from going, he definitely is keeping them from winning! Red posted:If this is a decline, I can't complain - Reggie has had a nice MLB career. And hey, he's still young.  Reggie is mad at his performance . Otherwise he's fine with Tampa and loving that they're letting him start consistently!
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Mar 6, 2023 06:47
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 Message from Commissioner Rob Manfred  Dear Goons, As you are aware, we have something of a situation. I have received disturbing reports that owner of the Indianapolis Golden Knights, formerly the Detroit Tigers, Christopher Ilitch, has been kidnapped by radicalized Tigers fans. We received the following message, attached to a photo of Mr. Ilitch being detained by a group of masked Michiganders: "DEAR COMMISIONER MANFRED, THE ILITCH FAMILY NO LONGER ENJOYS THE CONFIDENCE OF THE MICHIGAN PEOPLE, AND WE, THE MICHIGANDER PEOPLE'S FRONT, HAVE TAKEN DIRECT ACTION TO RECTIFY THE SITUATION. WE ARE SENDING YOU THE FOLLOWING DEMANDS: 1. Christopher Ilitch and the Ilitch family are to be removed from all ownership of the Detroit Tigers (currently illegally named the 'Indianapolis Golden Knights') immediately, and without compensation. 2. The 'Indianapolis Golden Knights' are to immediately be returned to Detroit and renamed the Detroit Tigers. 3. All records from the period of the illegal "Indianapolis exile" period are to be changed and renamed to reflect proper attribution to the Detroit Tigers. 4. The Indianapolis Golden Knights stadium is to be demolished immediately, and no new major league baseball team will be created or relocated to the states of Indiana nor Ohio in perpetuity. 5. Armando Gallaraga's perfect game be correctly recognized as such in MLB records. IF YOU DO NOT MEET OUR DEMANDS WITHIN 48 HOURS, WE WILL COMPROMISE MR ILITCH TO A PERMANENT END, AND DUMP HIS BODY IN OHIO. THANK YOU AND SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE". An emergency meeting with the owners failed to come to consensus. Indianapolis has been bleeding money, attendance has plummeted, and faith in our venerable owners is at an all time low. The correct response would seem to be to restore the franchise to Detroit to maximize profit, but what precedent would that set? Would other fans begin kidnapping their benevolent team owners and make demands of them? What effect could THAT have on long term profits? As such, I proposed something more radical, a deferment to our most wizened of advisors - the Goons. Mexico City and Montreal, despite their on-field failures, have made us an absolute fortune. With Mexico open to MLB investment, and Montreal nostalgia opening doors in the Quebec/French speaking world, our sport's fortunes have never been better! Your reputation is legendary among the ownership. It took some convincing, but the owners agreed - you will decide the fate of the Golden Knights. We thus give you two options, and will respect your decision: Option A: Relocate the Indianapolis Golden Knights back to Detroit as the Detroit Tigers, reversing the foolish decisions of Ilitch, but sparing his life, and respecting the demands of the people of Michigan. Option B: Allow Ilitch to be executed  , placing the Golden Knights into a trusteeship owned by the MLB - and directed by the goons. You read that correctly. Ilitch will not be the owner of the team no matter the outcome, that much is clear. Should you choose option B, I will further grant the goons the power to determine the future of the franchise - both its name, and it's ultimate location (within North America). Maybe even ownership in some capacity, should they desire it... So what will it be goons? Will you restore the Tigers to their rightful place, or take control of a team - and its destiny? Go ahead and vote! If you choose option B, we can determine where to take the team, and if you guys want to do any more customization. JosefStalinator fucked around with this message at 07:37 on Mar 6, 2023 |
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Mar 6, 2023 07:28
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OPTION A As funny as having a team run by goons would be, it’d lose its luster right quick and be an annoying gimmick.
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Mar 6, 2023 09:05
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A. We could even have both. Return to Detroit, and have two more expansion teams (one in Indianapolis).
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Mar 6, 2023 09:17
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Option B. Indiana sucks but I want a team here.
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Mar 6, 2023 10:22
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A.
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Mar 6, 2023 13:40
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As the thread's self-elected representative for The Mistake On The LakeTM, it's just not Cleveland Sports if we don't have a Michigan Rival to root against/make fun of/curse for our incompetence (actions determined by overall competitiveness of said Michigan team) Reinstate the Tigers.
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Mar 6, 2023 14:55
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Option B, because you can always give Detroit its own expansion team later
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Mar 6, 2023 15:17
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Red posted:Option B, because you can always give Detroit its own expansion team later And turn them into the MLB equivalent of the Cleveland Browns!?
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Mar 6, 2023 16:57
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Average Lettuce posted:A. We could even have both. Return to Detroit, and have two more expansion teams (one in Indianapolis). Yeah, although it doesn't seem like things are going that well in Indy as it is with the former Tigers.
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Mar 6, 2023 17:08
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We have the option to guillotine the rich and people aren't taking it? What the hell guys? Option B
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Mar 6, 2023 17:37
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Monathin posted:And turn them into the MLB equivalent of the Cleveland Browns!? Illitch burned down the current franchise in Indy, Detroit is better off starting from scratch.
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Mar 6, 2023 17:38
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Option A
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Mar 6, 2023 17:54
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B-gone, Ilitch!
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Mar 6, 2023 18:11
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Option B, should be a spectacle to see.
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Mar 6, 2023 18:28
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Eat the rich. Option B
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Mar 6, 2023 18:41
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Option A Always negotiate with terrorists. Nothing can possibly go wrong.
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Mar 6, 2023 18:54
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Option A but rename them the Beisbolcats.
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Mar 6, 2023 19:53
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Pander posted:We have the option to guillotine the rich and people aren't taking it? What the hell guys? Can we guillotine the rich *and* just move the team back? But yeah,
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Mar 6, 2023 20:15
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Elite posted:Option A
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Mar 6, 2023 20:40
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Option A
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Mar 6, 2023 20:46
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Ammat The Ankh posted:Option A but rename them the Beisbolcats. I could get behind this, as well as a Galo Sengen-ification of the Tigers logo.
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Mar 6, 2023 22:21
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| # ? Jun 12, 2024 18:34 |
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for folks not in the know, it's this: which was inspired by this:  which in turn was a a terrific rendering of this actual logo 
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Mar 6, 2023 22:49
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