Post Tweets and Similar - the unseemly duck asked him, hast thou aught of grapes?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Post Tweets and Similar - the unseemly duck asked him, hast thou aught of grapes?

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Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

I�m so angry about tits! Graaargh

# ? Mar 14, 2023 03:25

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 10, 2024 16:07

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Up yourd you swoke mlralists

# ? Mar 14, 2023 03:41

Blackula Vs. Tarantula: Jul 6, 2005; 😤I am NOT Captain_Redbeard🧔

Mister Speaker posted:

My roommate prefers watching movies and TV shows with TruMotion enabled. When my TV was in the shared space I was constantly having to disable it.

codo27 posted:

ftfy

Lol found your roommate

# ? Mar 14, 2023 04:18

kazr: Jan 28, 2005

Dr. Lunchables posted:

Lmao, grow up. Let people wear what’s comfortable.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

That username post combo tho

# ? Mar 14, 2023 04:51

zoux: Apr 28, 2006

https://mobile.twitter.com/mikibosser/status/1635443123005591552

# ? Mar 14, 2023 04:55

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Nope! And there were multiple major systems. Aaaaand one of the earliest inventors of shorthand was Cicero's slave Marcus Tullius Tiro, died 4BC, whose 'Tironian notes' were used for quite awhile.

You can use Tiro�s character for et on computers today. It�s in Unicode.

It is cool ⁊ good.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 05:25

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

https://twitter.com/puritikuma/status/1635318452520112130?s=46&t=LuWlVigXSHv3TXi-WVRPYA

# ? Mar 14, 2023 07:12

Cleretic: Feb 3, 2010; Ignore my posts!
I'm aggressively wrong about everything!

Captain Monkey posted:

https://twitter.com/puritikuma/status/1635318452520112130?s=46&t=LuWlVigXSHv3TXi-WVRPYA

THe embed cuts off the fun part, so:

# ? Mar 14, 2023 08:02

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

In heels. What a badass

# ? Mar 14, 2023 09:01

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Warbird posted:

Leave it to the British to ruin things by industrializing them.

lewdites fought this

# ? Mar 14, 2023 10:29

Dick Trauma: Nov 30, 2007; God damn it, you've got to be kind.

zoux posted:

https://mobile.twitter.com/mikibosser/status/1635443123005591552

https://twitter.com/wapplehouse/status/1635449378214236160?s=20

# ? Mar 14, 2023 10:32

Blue Footed Booby: Oct 4, 2006; got those happy feet

King Carnivore posted:

The most important change to make is to turn off anything that sounds like Motion Smoothing (Smart Motion or Motion Flow, Motion Processing, True Motion, etc.) If you’ve ever been watching a movie on a TV and noticed the frame rate looks hosed up (Unnaturally fast) and everything looks filmed like a soap opera, chances are that Motion Smoothing is enabled. Very often it is enabled by default. It’s fine for sports (which is often what TVs in a showroom are displaying) and sometimes okay for animation, but loving awful on everything else.

Most movies and shows are filmed in 30 FPS, whereas the TV is capable of 60-240 FPS, so it attempts to force its native FPS by adding in extra frames that attempt to extrapolate the additional motion between frames.

I turn this poo poo off on every TV I watch for even a few minutes, provided that I have access to the settings. I have left a slew of hotel rooms with improved picture quality in my wake.

High framerate won't remind you of soap operas if you don't watch soap operas. :smuggo:

# ? Mar 14, 2023 12:48

stringless: Dec 28, 2005; keyboard ⌨️ cowboy

It'll still look like poo poo.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 13:36

LASER BEAM DREAM: Nov 3, 2005; Oh, what? So now I suppose you're just going to sit there and pout?

Blue Footed Booby posted:

High framerate won't remind you of soap operas if you don't watch soap operas.

I still use soap opera as shorthand for motion interpolation, but do they even exist anymore? Would kids get what you meant?

VVVHuh, good for them.

LASER BEAM DREAM has a new favorite as of 14:28 on Mar 14, 2023

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:20

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

LASER BEAM DREAM posted:

I still use soap opera as shorthand for motion interpolation, but do they even exist anymore?

Days of Our Lives: 14,801 episodes and counting.
Coronation Street: 10,622 episodes and counting.
Home and Away: 8,016 episodes and counting.

Just the ones that immediately sprang to mind.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:25

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Coronation Street is still going? Hasn't Brexit starved them all by now?

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:28

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

https://twitter.com/TheLasagnaCat/status/1635482430973902850

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:28

zoux: Apr 28, 2006

https://twitter.com/TheTumboy/status/1385963371326021632

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:28

Killingyouguy!: Sep 8, 2014

If you started watching Days of Our Lives from the beginning I think you'd die

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:28

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

I was recommended Columbo and saw episode one is over 90 minutes. Will table for later

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:32

Benagain: Oct 10, 2007; Can you see that I am serious?; Fun Shoe

Killingyouguy! posted:

If you started watching Days of Our Lives from the beginning I think you'd die

checks out, my grandma's dead.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:32

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

Alan Smithee posted:

https://twitter.com/TheLasagnaCat/status/1635482430973902850

Omg yes

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:34

One More Fat Nerd: Apr 13, 2007; Mama’s Lil’ Louie; Nap Ghost

Dick Trauma posted:

https://twitter.com/HowardKushlan/status/1634641409419673600?s=20

Cuecat is a fairly deep cut, lol.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:37

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

One More Fat Nerd posted:

Cuecat is a fairly deep cut, lol.

Lol I scanned right over CueCat

I still have the one I got from Radioshack

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:40

The Saddest Rhino: Apr 29, 2009; Put it all together.
Solve the world.
One conversation at a time.

When it comes to soap operas I always remember the rotten library entry on Passions at https://www.rottenlibrary.net/library/culture/passions/

quote:

Rotten Library > Culture > Passions

Passions

When The Guiding Light opened the era of televised soap operas in 1952, its creators could scarcely have imagined that the genre would eventually evolve to produce the gleefully bizarre and misanthropic viewing experience known as Passions.

Wedding a keen ear for soap opera cliche with an obnoxious love for fetishistic extremes, Passions is not so much a parody of a soap opera as a completely straightforward soap opera in which all the normal ingredients are taken to absurd extremes.

Debuting on NBC in 1999, Passions was the brainchild of veteran soap writer James E. Reilly, who had made a name for himself by transforming the venerable Days of Our Lives into a freak show throughout the 1990s. His plotting verged on the ridiculous, perhaps most infamously with the Satanic possession of the show's leading diva Dr. Marlena Evans and her subsequent exorcism by former assassin, ongoing amnesiac and conveniently also a former priest John Black.

Many longtime Days fans were horrified by the liberties Reilly took with their beloved characters and his callous disregard for previous continuity -- a key element in most soaps, especially those that have run for decades. Reilly left Days to create Passions, which NBC hoped would recreate the ratings success Reilly had experienced on Days.

Freed from any requirement to placate pre-existing fans, Reilly crafted a venue for his most deranged imaginings, the small New England town of Harmony. Passions employs a series of innovative storytelling strategies which endear it to some fans and infuriate others. These include:

Infinite Time Scaling: Historically, soaps have roughly paralleled the passage of real time, i.e., one episode generally corresponds to about one day of story time (with exceptions for weddings and special events). On Passions, about 10 to 12 story days pass in the course of an entire year of episodes. A single day can take months to play out in episodes, at which point the next day magically starts and winter has become spring without explanation. It's not uncommon for Valentine's Day to take place one story day after New Year's Eve, for instance. No one ever comments on this, even when the scaling bizarrely impacts pregnancies (such as a recent case which played out over 11 months of television but only lasted four story days, of which the character showed a belly for only a week before delivering her child).

Endless Recaps: Presumably, the producers of Passions expect that people only watch the show two or three days a week. Every single episode is packed with endless recaps and flashbacks of what happened in previous episodes, even when what happened previously is nothing (as is often the case).

Extreme Suspension of Disbelief: Most television requires some suspension of disbelief, but good television provides internal consistency and logic. When you watch Passions, you get the distinct impression that its plots are based on the rule of "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we did this?" and nothing else. There is no effort to make story developments consistent with common sense, or even consistent with what happened five minutes earlier. This allows a great deal of creative freedom, but requires extremely tolerant viewers. Imagine watching two six years olds playing with dolls and you'll get the general idea.

Total Amorality of Viewpoint: While individual characters are often highly moralistic, the show itself is grounded in a completely amoral worldview in which just about anything is fair game. Although the show's audience is mostly made up of teenage girls, Passions seems to delight in sending these impressionable youths such messages as "incest is romantic" and "girls get raped because they're slutty." The show also sends the message that it's OK to win over your true love using pacts with the devil, date-rape drugs or whatever else happens to be at hand.

Unreasonable Fakeouts (aka "Your baby is dead."): As a rule, you can't trust anything on Passions unless it's gone on for at least two episodes. The writers delight in showing much anticipated scenes (such as lovers reuniting) for an entire episode, only to have them turn out to be a dream after a ludicrous amount of time has passed. This also manifests in every single Passions scene involving a sick baby; a doctor emerges with a grim face, everyone assumes the baby is dead, and they rant hysterically for 20 or 40 minutes, until the doctor belatedly pipes up and says, "No, no, your baby is fine!"

Despite these innovations and a wicked sense of humor (that surfaces most often in over-the-top fantasy sequences), Passions exploits the usual soap conventions to great effect, and often to absurd extremes, including the "peering in the window" scene, the "gratuitously shirtless male" scene, the "long thoughtful look before a commercial break" scene and the "uber-romantic spur-of-the-moment candle-lit picnic" scene. In keeping with Soap Opera 101, the show also features three or four key families whose members come from different classes of society.

Unlike most other soaps, however, the families of Harmony are a decidedly multicultural bunch. The wealthy scions of the town are the lily-white Cranes, the wealthiest family in the world, whose mogul-patriarch Alistair Crane (much like another famous A.C.) is the embodiment of evil. Alistair is also a stark-raving racist, a fact that fuels much of Harmony's activity.

On the other end of the economic spectrum is the Lopez-Fitzgerald clan, the product of marriage between the long-suffering Pilar Lopez and the long-absent Martin Fitzgerald. The kids tend to be far more Hispanic than Irish, despite the fact that most of the actors portraying them are visibly unable to speak Spanish.

The third-most prominent family are the African-American Russells. Matriarch Eve Russell harbored a secret past as a drug addict and loose woman who had a torrid affair with Julian Crane (son of Alistair), before becoming a doctor specializing in everything from pediatrics to brain surgery. Her husband, T.C., has a bad temper that leads to frequent and hilarious fight scenes that you really have to see to appreciate.

Other characters in Harmony included Charity Standish, a strange-looking young woman with mystical powers, and her nemesis, Tabitha Lenox, a centuries-old witch who keeps the forces of Hell in her basement. Sam Bennett, Harmony's chief of police, has exactly two approaches to the many, many crimes that take place in his jurisdiction -- he either instantly solves them without explanation, or never, ever, ever solves them. As you might expect, most crimes fall into the latter category.

Then there's the Wallace family, with psychotic daughter Beth, incontinent mother Edna and Edna's healthcare aide Precious, an orangutan (who recently departed the show). Beth is Harmony's "ugly" girl (i.e., a brunette with a bad haircut portrayed by a former Miss USA). Beth and Precious both pine after Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald, the top hunk in town. Despite protests by both animal activists and humorless nurses, Precious was known for engaging in elaborate and steamy costume fantasies about Luis.

But Luis only has eyes for long-suffering heiress Sheridan Crane, whom he has pursued across several lifetimes with the assistance of reincarnation. According to the show's lore, there are two reasons why Sheridan and Luis can never be together:

If they marry, Luis will be able to access the secrets of the Crane empire. (For reasons too tedious to enumerate, this is one of the aforementioned logic-defying concepts.)

If they marry, their perfect love will unleash a wave of pure goodness over the universe and vanquish the forces of hell (represented by Tabitha) forever.

These two factors ensure that Luis and Sheridan will face an ever-more-ridiculous series of obstacles to their love. Not that anyone else in town finds love an easier row to hoe. The couples who manage to hook up for any length of time are invariably separated by the emergence of a dark secret from the past.

Passions has enjoyed a recent run of mainstream buzz thanks to one of the more noteworthy dark secrets to emerge from the past, the fact that teen supercouple Chad Harris and Whitney Russell are half-brother and sister. The "oops, it's incest" storyline is a hoary old soap opera standard, but Passions has extended the concept to its typical extreme.

The classic formula is "boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy discovers he is girl's brother, relationship is shattered forever and everyone moves on with their lives." But that would be far too easy.

First, Passions clued in viewers to the fact that Whitney and Chad were siblings very early, then lingered adoringly over their hot, steamy sex scenes for months. Then, Whitney became pregnant. Five minutes later, she discovered Chad was her half-brother.

Whitney tricked everyone into believing another guy was the father of her baby (including the other guy and Chad). Although she was morally incapable of getting an abortion, she didn't have any problem trying to starve herself into a miscarriage while repeatedly fantasizing about giving birth to a monstrous Satan-spawn deformity.

However, shortly before the delivery, Chad announced that he was still in love with Whitney despite the fact that she was his sister, and he proposed that the two live together chastely for the rest of their lives (a proposal met with some skepticism by everyone else). Whitney declined his offer, but confided to her best friend that she was still in love with Chad.

Just for the record, we predict that this story will eventually conclude with a revelation that Whitney and Chad are not in fact brother and sister. But fakeout or not, the incest storyline has created quite a stir, winning Passions repeated mentions in mainstream magazines like Entertainment Weekly, which rarely deign to notice that soap operas exist, let alone that you might want to watch one.

The buzz has not translated into ratings, however. Passions is the lowest-rated soap on network television, and its numbers have barely moved in its six years on the air. However, its demographic performance among teenage girls is strong enough that NBC isn't likely to pull the plug any time soon.

In addition to its valuable advertising demographic, Passions has also turned to more innovative ways of making money, including extreme product placement for everything from water filters to cat food.

The most visible example was a marketing deal the show signed with Mark Cosmetics, a multi-level marketing deal that aimed to be the Mary Kay of the teen set. The character of Jessica Bennett was repurposed so that her entire function on the show was to hawk Mark cosmetics to the other characters.

The alliance ended early in 2005. Immediately after "quitting her job" with Mark, Jessica Bennett promptly donned slutty clothes, began drinking heavily, got herself drugged and date-raped (which, according to the show's philosophy, is her own fault) and slashed herself repeatedly with razor blades. One can infer from all this that there may have been a few hard feelings about the end of Mark's contract with the show. Let the product placement buyer beware.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:41

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Grassy Knowles posted:

Lol I scanned right over CueCat

I still have the one I got from Radioshack

I had to look it up, I only vaguely recall reading about it. Wondering why no love for Pets.com

also wonder who had more drugs stashed away in the back: Deloreon or FTX

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:44

Grassy Knowles: Apr 4, 2003; "The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

Alan Smithee posted:

I had to look it up, I only vaguely recall reading about it. Wondering why no love for Pets.com

also wonder who had more drugs stashed away in the back: Deloreon or FTX

FTX if you mean boofing when you say �stashed away in the back�, Deloreon if you mean actual stash.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 14:47

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Dick Trauma posted:

https://twitter.com/wapplehouse/status/1635449378214236160?s=20

Huh, that's what they meant by wtc 7

# ? Mar 14, 2023 15:28

One More Fat Nerd: Apr 13, 2007; Mama’s Lil’ Louie; Nap Ghost

Grassy Knowles posted:

Lol I scanned right over CueCat

I still have the one I got from Radioshack

I only know about cuecat due to this wonderful article from Jon Bois about working at RadioShack.

https://www.sbnation.com/2014/11/26/7281129/radioshack-eulogy-stories

# ? Mar 14, 2023 15:37

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

https://twitter.com/felixsalmon/status/1635623195284758533?t=s9d9V8Fwpm9yhiDh2zgulw&s=19

# ? Mar 14, 2023 15:58

Morpheus: Apr 18, 2008; My favourite little monsters

Tiggum posted:

Days of Our Lives: 14,801 episodes and counting.
Coronation Street: 10,622 episodes and counting.
Home and Away: 8,016 episodes and counting.

Just the ones that immediately sprang to mind.

No thanks, I don't watch anime

# ? Mar 14, 2023 16:09

Waste of Breath: Dec 30, 2021; I only know🧠 one1️⃣ thing🪨: I😡 want😤 to 🔪kill☠️� 😈Chaos😱� I need🥵 to. [TIME⏰ TO DIE☠️]

https://twitter.com/MarioBrothBlog/status/1635663364910137345

Was I bullied as a child?

- had the word cool for a mouth

# ? Mar 14, 2023 16:40

EL BROMANCE: Jun 10, 2006; COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬

Thread is about how yet another rear end in a top hat is freed (this time opening fire on the highway with zero regard, but hey it�s Florida so that�s not a crime) but at least this interaction in the comments gave me a little joy.

https://twitter.com/petekeeley/status/1635489809337847809

# ? Mar 14, 2023 16:45

zedprime: Jun 9, 2007; yospos

Alan Smithee posted:

I was recommended Columbo and saw episode one is over 90 minutes. Will table for later

Columbo is a straight to tv movie series but is so beloved and straight to TV movies had such a bad name before streaming that no one will mention it.

Some of the Columbos are too drat long but watching Poker Face now and the inverted mystery format sometimes feels very cramped at an hourish. The answer is probably in the middle.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 17:17

zoux: Apr 28, 2006

https://twitter.com/cooliodaggett/status/1635640906660413445

This site will never die

# ? Mar 14, 2023 17:19

Dr. Lunchables: Dec 27, 2012; IRL DEBUFFED KOBOLD

https://twitter.com/dril/status/756105768085094402?s=20

https://twitter.com/dril/status/546775065875185664?s=20

https://twitter.com/dril/status/537598363534123008?s=20

https://twitter.com/GoodReddit/status/1635371390751899648?s=20

https://twitter.com/rodger/status/1635346075346403328?s=20

# ? Mar 14, 2023 17:36

Dareon: Apr 6, 2009; by vyelkin

Alan Smithee posted:

I was recommended Columbo and saw episode one is over 90 minutes. Will table for later

This is every episode. (Well actually the one I finished yesterday was only an hour fifteen and special guest starred Leslie Nielsen)

But yeah, Columbo episodes are slow and deliberate as our lazy-eyed protagonist seemingly bumbles his way to the truth. There's probably a bit of cutting they could do, but you'd only save a few minutes of freeform background music.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 17:48

ThisIsJohnWayne: Feb 23, 2007; Ooo! Look at me! NO DON'T LOOK AT ME!

Speaking of TV suddenly popular again, I understand Netflix has started introducing new people to Philomena Cunk from Screen Wipe. I'd like to make sure everyone itt is included.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBlRc6ZlhDg

# ? Mar 14, 2023 18:42

Agents are GO!: Dec 29, 2004

Mister Speaker posted:

My roommate prefers watching movies and TV shows with TruMotion enabled. When my TV was in the shared space I was constantly having to disable it.

This is a "don't change the settings on my TV or I'll take it away" moment.

The Framerate über alles people are worse than picky eaters.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 18:42

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 10, 2024 16:07

LASER BEAM DREAM: Nov 3, 2005; Oh, what? So now I suppose you're just going to sit there and pout?

ThisIsJohnWayne posted:

Speaking of TV suddenly popular again, I understand Netflix has started introducing new people to Philomena Cunk from Screen Wipe. I'd like to make sure everyone itt is included.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBlRc6ZlhDg

It�s absurd how much she looks like the person that played Jen in the IT Crowd. I was so surprised when I looked her up after first seeing this clip and realizing they�re two different people.

# ? Mar 14, 2023 19:09

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Post Tweets and Similar - the unseemly duck asked him, hast thou aught of grapes?

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