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If we can't be France we shall instead become the Angevins
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Mar 14, 2023 23:05
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| # ? May 23, 2024 14:07 |
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Me watching in horror as, in our quest to not become France, we accidentally become England instead.
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Mar 15, 2023 00:00
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ZiegeDame posted:Me watching in horror as, in our quest to not become France, we accidentally become England instead. Absolutely
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Mar 15, 2023 00:16
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ZiegeDame posted:Me watching in horror as, in our quest to not become France, we accidentally become England instead. We could also become the Angevin Empire and be both!
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Mar 15, 2023 00:18
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ZiegeDame posted:Me watching in horror as, in our quest to not become France, we accidentally become England instead. There are three options to any goon megacampaign: Become England, Become France, or Become Germany. (or the Secret Fourth Option, which is Become Rome, but, you know, England, France, and Germany are also Rome, so that doesn't reall count.)
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Mar 15, 2023 00:27
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Seizing the Atlantic ports of Europe is obviously just the first step of our inevitable destiny of becoming revolutionary Cuba
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Mar 15, 2023 00:30
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Avoid all interiors like the plague. Absorb every coastline everywhere.
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Mar 15, 2023 00:44
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AJ_Impy posted:Avoid all interiors like the plague. Absorb every coastline everywhere. maybe we can do limited francing along the way to forming the People's Republic of Megabelgium-Portugal?
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Mar 15, 2023 00:47
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We are going to soon hard pivot to Ireland, then Iceland, then Greenland, and then inevitably end up as French Canada.
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Mar 15, 2023 01:06
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Best lps remain Abzerbajin/Ghana due to not ending up as France somehow.
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Mar 15, 2023 04:57
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C'est une France
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Mar 15, 2023 05:47
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Well, maybe we'll pick up Druidism. That seems pretty cool.
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Mar 15, 2023 11:10
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Hellioning posted:There are three options to any goon megacampaign: Become England, Become France, or Become Germany. (or the Secret Fourth Option, which is Become Rome, but, you know, England, France, and Germany are also Rome, so that doesn't reall count.) Excuse me, the Byzantine Commune is not Rome, it just happens to contain both capitals of the old Roman empire and speak its languages and retain its cultural heritage and... hmm.
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Mar 15, 2023 13:20
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Pretty sure being Rome is illegal there or something.
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Mar 15, 2023 14:10
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It's the second best joke in that thread that a Byzantine Empire Paradox mega-LP ended up in a place where trying to revive the Roman Empire is the worst form of treason. (The best joke is Edward Gibbon being alive to comment on the fall of Rome as it happened in his time.)
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Mar 15, 2023 14:33
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ChaseSP posted:Best lps remain Abzerbajin/Ghana due to not ending up as France somehow. ByzLP is about becoming anti-France. ZiegeDame posted:Me watching in horror as, in our quest to not become France, we accidentally become England instead. I look forward to us spending multiple generations in a near death spiral slapfighting with picts/scots.
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Mar 15, 2023 23:50
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to be fair, you lot did vote for us to continue in europe! where most of the colonies were clustered around the french/english region i did consider start as Eretz Sh'hor (those punics in Finland), but it would've taken forever to build a power base strong enough to migrate somewhere else
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Mar 16, 2023 03:53
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We can try to not become Frengland, but the urge to remains on our subconsciousness.
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Mar 16, 2023 15:01
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Frangleterre rises again!
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Mar 16, 2023 15:23
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hashashash posted:to be fair, you lot did vote for us to continue in europe! where most of the colonies were clustered around the french/english region Goon votes have in the past: -Declined to adopt a constitution because they make for suboptimal play, get surprised when the country reverts to revanchist absolutism. -Exiled a national leader because he has poor stats, act shocked when later leaders dissolve the voting body. -Nod politely when Pope reveals themselves to be an immortal warlock, take umbrage at any suggestion that we were playing the baddies. -Try to engineer the cool and hot Revolutionary Government, and instead gets boring and lame balkanization and dictatorships. Honestly, this is on the weak end of LP votes that have bitten us in the rear end.
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Mar 17, 2023 01:12
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Give it time. We can get there
Kanthulhu fucked around with this message at 10:42 on Mar 17, 2023 |
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Mar 17, 2023 01:22
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This is just part of a longer game to expand all the way back around and capture the homeland.
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Mar 17, 2023 02:01
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hashashash posted:i did consider start as Eretz Sh'hor (those punics in Finland), but it would've taken forever to build a power base strong enough to migrate somewhere else Why would we have to migrate out of Finland? We'd be in the perfect spot to find the Sampo. (I say this as someone who has played so many Ck games in Finland.)
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Mar 17, 2023 02:28
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Ralepozozaxe posted:Why would we have to migrate out of Finland? We'd be in the perfect spot to find the Sampo. (I say this as someone who has played so many Ck games in Finland.) Why would we need a strapless evening gown? 
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Mar 17, 2023 03:02
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Xelkelvos posted:This is just part of a longer game to expand all the way back around and capture the homeland. I agree, we should crusade for the levant
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Mar 17, 2023 03:15
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SirPhoebos posted:Why would we need a strapless evening gown? 
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Mar 17, 2023 03:58
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Kanthulhu posted:Give it time. Se can get there There's always the possibility of nuclear annihilation! We just gotta believe in ourselves!
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Mar 17, 2023 04:20
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Anyone have a link to the Ghana LP?
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Mar 17, 2023 07:43
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SirPhoebos posted:-Try to engineer the cool and hot Revolutionary Government, and instead gets boring and lame balkanization and dictatorships. The best thing about it is that it would have worked if not for the one single thing. Goons happened to know the exact prequisites to get the French Revolution event chain and metagamed to hell to get it. One of those prequisites was to have low enough Stability and high Unrest, so they did everything to piss off their population. They managed to get both to values which are impossible to get until you play bad on purpose, which they did. Then the game itself shat on them: the first revolution event happened in another country that met the prequisites. Unfortunately, the revolution can happen once. If someone else gets the event chain, that’s it. So instead of the Revolutionaries that would have implement the government they wanted, Andalusia spawned hundreds of thousands ordinary separatist and pretender rebels. Within several years, the country was partitioned into many tiny dictatorships that hated each other. While the rest of the world was having their Napoleonic wars, the player-led country spent those years trying to mend itself back.
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Mar 17, 2023 11:35
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Gantolandon posted:The best thing about it is that it would have worked if not for the one single thing. Right now, I'm playing a modded version of HBS Battletech (BTA 3062) and I recently got my hands on a Dire Wolf-DS. It's a 100 ton Omnimech with no heatsinks, very little armor, and 11 Clan ER PPCs. The mech is meant for 1-on-1 duels: you disintegrate your opponent on the first round, so who cares if your mech does an emergency shut-down as soon as you pull the trigger. The possibility that you don't hit, or that your opponent crits your engine first, is not considered. Goon voting, in my experience, embraces that same confidence.
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Mar 17, 2023 13:50
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Al-Andalus did give us a very good version of the virgin/chad meme: Also, it eventually ended up Communist! Just, y'know, a dictatorship that ended up in a nuclear hell war with Russia that ended inconclusively. e: I think that Al-Andalus also was the source of Perfidious Frangleterre. Definitely further down towards the "hellworld" pole on the goon Mega-LP "Hellworld-Fully Automated Luxury Space Gay Communism" spectrum. ByzLP is probably the furthest towards the other end of the spectrum, I never got around to reading Hohenzollern but it sounds like that was even worse while Flamboyant Schemers was also more of a hellworld. habeasdorkus fucked around with this message at 14:17 on Mar 17, 2023 |
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Mar 17, 2023 14:10
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SirPhoebos posted:Goon votes have in the past:
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Mar 17, 2023 16:46
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To be fair, I am not sure that example counts as a vote
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Mar 17, 2023 16:48
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Gantolandon posted:The best thing about it is that it would have worked if not for the one single thing. p sure hash also added a bunch of custom events to punish us for trying that poo poo lmao
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Mar 17, 2023 20:41
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 Part 4 — Across the Narrow Sea — 725 to 750 Off the coast of Little Carthage, in the narrow sea separating Gaul and Pretan, there sailed a longboat with an eagle-carved stem and blood-red sails, colours that had not been seen in those waters for centuries.  And the seamen aboard that ship were no mere traders — fearsome large, worshipping the twisted gods of the black north, speaking a bastard tongue eerily similar that dead language called Latin, they plundered the shoreline of the narrow sea, carefully charted the routes and landmarks, and then returned to wherever they came from, laden with spoils… But none within the city-citadel of Qart Hadasht took note, too absorbed in the recent disappearance of their king Carthalo and the succession crisis that followed.    Carthalo had had many children — there were talented warriors who’d served under Canmi among them, while others had already earned acclaim for their flair in diplomacy and learning, and some had even inherited Carthalo’s mind for numbers and economy. His eldest son and heir, however, was none of these things. He did not care for the rigours of the saddle and sword; he was bored senseless by the accounts that his father had obsessed over; as for the old tomes and writings in the citadel library, he thought they were only good for kindling. One thing that Baalhanno did excel in, however, was intrigue.   He had always had something of a twisted fascination with things broken and spoiled. He had tortured his fair share of animals as a child, snuck down into the dungeons to see the same done to prisoners, and, yes, he even partook once or twice. And unlike his father, Baalhanno had no qualms about dead brothers.  To the east, his brother Abibaal had claimed the crown of Yamit. It was a tradition among Gauls and Slavs to partition the lands of the father between the sons, a tradition that had been adopted by the Gallo-Punics, but Baalhanno was not going to let half his kingdom slip away.   He couldn’t match his brother with swords and battles, and so he resorted to schemes and skulduggery instead.   And within a few weeks of his reign, Abibaal was killed, and the Magonid domains were reunited —    That said, like his father before him, Baalhanno decided to keep ‘Yamit’ as his primary title, proclaiming himself the lord and king over Carthage, Yamit, Kerkouane, and all Punic cities in the north ((the titles we actually hold are the kingdoms of Little Carthage and Yamit)). He immediately demanded the submission of Kerkouane and Eretz Badil, but while there was no answer from the latter, the former scoffed at Baalhanno’s arrogance and blithely insulted him.  That was precisely the excuse that the king needed to raise his levy, and declare war.  Baalhanno would do none of this wearisome conquering himself, of course. He instead appointed a distant Magonid cousin as the commander of the levy — a very mediocre general, but fortunately, the resistance put forth by Kerkouane was negligible, and the city was soon besieged, the citadel captured, and the country annexed.  In the meantime, back in Qart Hadasht, the king managed to foil a faction pitted against him by (unsurprisingly) assassinating the chief conspirators—     And once his court was cowed into submission, Baalhanno could actually indulge in some of his pleasures…     Despite these unconventional pastimes, the royal court at Qart Hadasht had by now become one of the foremost in western Europa — with an ancient foundation of stone and marble citadel, complemented by the expansions and upgrades made by Carthalo, the royal court was soon attracting all manner of artificers, poets, sculptors, chroniclers, adventurers, scholars, and more.  Eager to take advantage of this influx of talent, Baalhanno began funding innovations where they suited him, such as with the commission of an extravagant crown in the year 732.     But in the summer of 735, the prospering court was interrupted by an emissary from across the narrow sea. Apparently, the Punics there — residing in the judgeship of Eretz Badil, or ‘tin-country’ — were on the retreat, having suffered a devastating defeat to the Brythonic and Slavic tribes, compounded by raids from a seafaring people who called themselves ‘Normans’.  Baalhanno saw this as a grand opportunity, and at a gathering of his lords a year later, the king declared his intention to cross the narrow sea and aid their Punic cousins in their wars against Brythons, Slavs, Normans — and towards that end, outfitted a large expedition of 1700 levies in Carasat.   The expedition set sail in 738, sailing through choppy waters and making landfall in the country of Dumnonia.  Taken completely by surprise, the Brythonic tribes of the region were quickly routed and put to siege, with their scattered villages and hillforts surrendering before year’s end.  To consolidate their rule, the invading Punics founded a new city on the site of their victory, calling it Qart Soufit — ‘city on the edge of the world’.  And from Qart Soufit, they struck into the island proper, with Baalhanno’s men seizing footholds all along the coast of Pretan in the months that followed.  With these notable victories won, Baalhanno dispatched an emissary of his own to Eretz Badil; having staved off the Brythonic tribes, he expected tokens and tribute from the Brytho-Punics…  …but of course, the proud suffet of Eretz Badil would not simply submit to this littler Carthage. Whilst he thanked the king and offered an alliance, that was as far as his gratitude went.  Thrown into a sudden fury on hearing this, Baalhanno immediately dispatched assassins to end the insolence of the Suffet…   …and that of his successor…  And then, with his new enemies in sufficient disarray, he ordered his commanders to invade the country. In charge of this campaign was none other than Baalhanno’s eldest son, Metallo —   Despite his age, Metallo quickly proved himself an excellent soldier and brilliant strategist, defeating the superior numbers of the Brytho-Punics in three separate, hard-fought engagements before besieging and taking their capital at Lilybaya.      Thus, within a single campaigning season, Metallo had outwitted his foes, captured his enemies, and annexed the most important stronghold in Pretan... not bad, for a sixteen year old.   Back in the capitol, meanwhile, unrest and tumult were beginning to take root. The king was a tyrant, there was no arguing against that, but the terrible rumours that spread about him and his entourage surely could not have been true…   Even so, he seemed to be growing increasingly erratic, unpredictable, violent as the years slipped by — and then, in the year 743, tragedy struck the royal court at Qart Hadasht.  The king’s secondborn son perished in a terrible accident, drowning whilst playing some game with his sister… his nurses were inconsolable, his mother went mad with grief, and the court was frantic as they awaited their king’s reaction. But Baalhanno simply refused to accept it. On his orders, his boy’s lifeless body was dragged from the waters, stuffed with fat and fabric, and propped onto a chair next to his throne.   The body was already rotting, of course, and within hours the throne room was rank with the scent of death and decay. No one dared speak against the king, of course — and when prompted, they were forced to talk and play with the bloated, decaying corpse of Eshbaal — but behind curtains and closed doors, Baalhanno knew that his courtiers and vassals were whispering about him… laughing at him… scheming against him… They called him a fool. A madman. A lunatic. Maybe they were right.   Even so, to their ruin and despair, they would soon learn that Baalhanno was not a man to mock or defy. In his citadel in Qart Hadasht, he only had to whisper a few words… and hundreds of leagues away, across country and sea, his enemies dropped like flies…     It would all come to naught, however. Just a few weeks later, the king suffered another calamitous mental break — this time, he insisted to his courtiers that he was made of the finest glass.  And believing that, as a man made from glass, he would no longer require any food or sustenance, Baalhanno slowly wasted away, growing weaker and sicklier, until his servants found him dead in his bed one morning in 747.   Thus passes the reign of Baalhanno — schemer, impaler, deviant, lunatic, king of Yamit and overlord of Magna Punica.   He is succeeded by his only surviving son — Metallo Mago, perhaps the most talented, and certainly the most ambitious, scion of that ancient dynasty so far. He is hard-eyed and hard-hearted, and dreams of the days when hundreds of thousands clashed in great battles to be forever remembered by history, whilst planning campaigns that will set his name amongst those same pages and legends. Metallo is not interested in petty wars against Gauls and Britons, however; he has his fierce, iron-tempered gaze set on places much further, much older, much grander…  
hashashash fucked around with this message at 17:25 on Nov 10, 2023 |
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Mar 17, 2023 21:08
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Baalhanno was certainly an interestign reign, I'm sure furture Tanit writers will have fun adapting his life. But hey, we have our young martial king, lets see what glroy he takes us to!
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Mar 17, 2023 21:27
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Boy, that escalated quickly
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Mar 17, 2023 21:39
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Metallo's gonna die of the flu before he takes either of those, I bet.
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Mar 17, 2023 21:41
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LJN92 posted:Metallo's gonna die of the flu before he takes either of those, I bet. crusader kings in a nutshell, i wouldnt even be mad
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Mar 17, 2023 21:53
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I appreciate your optimism Metallo! And oh boy Baalhanno. He deserved worse.
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Mar 17, 2023 22:13
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