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Question Hashim, for all those "special events", did you find those or did you make those? Because they were pretty amazing.
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Mar 17, 2023 22:14
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Excited for us to dash the realm on the rocks of grand ambition
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Mar 17, 2023 22:34
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Had a game recently where my 50 year reign ruler finally got the cards lined up for a 20-something heir with great traits and popped her clogs, and the heir dropped dead 12 days later. I, for one, am sure this won't happen to Magneto, or whatever his name is.
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Mar 17, 2023 22:44
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Ralepozozaxe posted:Question Hashim, for all those "special events", did you find those or did you make those? Because they were pretty amazing. oh all those events are actually just base game -- getting them depends on your traits, I think sadist + high intrigue triggered most of them, and lunatic the rest, but yeah there's some wild stuff buried in them
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Mar 18, 2023 00:49
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My chief fear with Metallo is that he will attempt and fail to kill Superman.
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Mar 18, 2023 14:27
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I've gotten the "Made of Glass" one before. I'd been hoping to be a werewolf like in CK2, and instead I just got broken. CK3 does a very good job of limiting the player's ability to completely ignore their character's traits - if you're diligent you really gotta manage your stress levels, if you're compassionate you really can't just murder every problem, if you're just you can't constantly take poo poo you want without good cause, and if you're sadistic you have to be a dick.
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Mar 18, 2023 15:49
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yeah there isnt much of a way to get around it, you sorta have to roleplay otherwise you just keep taking stress until you have a heart attack or something
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Mar 18, 2023 17:05
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Soon turned out had a heart of glass.
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Mar 18, 2023 19:11
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 Part 5 — New Rome, Old Carthage — 750 to 785 Metallo, only living son of Baalhanno, heard of his father’s death whilst campaigning in Pretan. Knowing that he had to return to the capitol before his new vassals and lords could conspire against him, Metallo proceeded to crush the Britons in a series of battles that stretched across 749, forcing them to cede the entire southern coast of their island to the Punics.    With that conquest complete, Metallo crossed the narrow sea with his levies and crowned himself King in Qart Hadasht — and soiled, sweat-stained, surrounded by soldiers, he was already looking to be a vile, vicious breed of King. Metallo was an excellent tactician and commander, and he was courageous, no one doubted that much. But he was also irritable, and cruel, and wrathful —   He had no friends, believing them to be sycophants and lickspittles. He hated his mother, for committing suicide after his little brother drowned to death. He resented his father, for being weak in body and even weaker in mind. Metallo believed only in the sword, and those with the strength to wield it.   Above all, however, Metallo was ambitious. He wanted to sail to new lands, to test his prowess against the greatest minds, to raze and burn and sack, to splatter his name across the pages of history in ink that was thick and red… And it wouldn’t be long before he had his first opportunity to do just that —  In the year 753, just a couple years after he placed his father’s crown on his own brow, Metallo received word of a large invasion force landing in Kerkouane. The king moved slowly, expecting this to be some Gallic or Slavic incursion…   But this was a new breed of barbarian, those fierce giants that called themselves ‘Normans’ — and none larger than their leader, a shieldmaiden called Sif. Metallo had already heard of these Normans during his time in Pretan, where they were infamous for harrying and ravaging the coasts of the island.  In fact, a large army of these savages, not sated with booty and tribute, even managed to subjugate the country of the Picts —   Metallo knew that they had to be dealt with quickly, and so he took his levy to meet these Normans with steel in hand… But somehow, he found himself outmaneuvered and ambushed by Sif, who swamped him with numbers and… and somehow, dealt him his first ever defeat in battle…    Metallo managed to escape the field with his life, but little else. Even so, as soon as he returned to Qart Hadasht, his began re-raising levies and recruiting mercenaries. Of course, Sif soon followed him across the narrow sea, and pursued him until she managed to pin the Punics in another battle, on the edges of a dense Gallic forest…  But this time, Metallo managed to break her shield-walls and shatter her lines, slaughtering or capturing almost the entirety of her army.  Great prestige and loot was won from this victory, but more important than this was information, which Metallo wrung out of Sif herself, having personally taken the giantess his prisoner — Apparently, the Normans (which simply means ‘northmen’ in their language) hailed from the east by the north, from whence they were forced to raid and pillage due to overpopulation and famine. Metallo, overseeing the interrogations himself, had idly asked his prisoners the name of their country. In answer, she said, “Nova Roma”.  And just like that, Metallo was snared — firstly, by Sif herself; women were not a common sight on Punic battlefields, and Sif in particular was a sight to behold, towering over men all around her, clasping an enormous shield and swing an axe about her head… Metallo, who had never even taken a concubine, practically married Sif on the battlefield. But more than that, he was caught by her stories about this ‘New Rome’. Metallo had been raised on stories of Hamilcar marching elephants into Italia, of Hannibal being nailed to a cross, of Hiram avenging him by burning Roma to the ground. Metallo was no scholar or historian, he didn’t know or care about what happened to the Romans after they were destroyed… except that they were not destroyed, merely defeated.   Within months, he had an army raised and gathered —  The purpose of this campaign was not to conquer, however; rather, it was to scout, to investigate, and to pillage and plunder where possible. And so Metallo began by marching the overland route, wasting and spoiling his way through the country of the Frisians — who were some species of German that Metallo did not know or care to know. They melted away before him, which was all he needed from them.   Following this the expedition made its way through Batavian and Slavic country, and again Metallo exacted tribute or seized supplies by force. But eventually, after a month on the march, the hill-forts and holdfasts gave way to walled towns and stone castles, and Metallo knew that this must be Rome…    …who were caught completely off-guard, because their troops were campaigning in the unfathomable east just then. Metallo, scarcely believing his luck, immediately took to raiding and robbing, seizing and sacking, stripping town after town of any wealth and fortune, before finally he arrived before the walls of Nova Roma. It was impressive, many times larger than his own capitol, ringed by bleached walls and speared by spires and towers.  Metallo wasn’t interested in wasting his time and men trying to besiege the city; instead, he employed his charisma (and a very very large bribe) to turn a guardsman — and once inside the walls, he made a beeline from the palaces of the so-called emperor of Rome.     There, he (and his men) seized as many treasures and prisoners as they could, Metallo and his men fled back into the west, where he was received in Qart Hadasht to adorations and adulations. Metallo did not rest on his laurels for long, however, because a few weeks later an emissary arrived from Nova Roma, claiming to represent the person and godhood of the Imperator, and demanding the return of all his earthly treasures, and warning of severe consequences if the heir to the Imperator was not safely returned.   The king didn’t even know that the sniffly little prisoner he’d taken was the son of an Emperor, but now that he did… Well, he wasn’t just going to hand him back. Harking back to the era where Punic commanders were crucified and Roman generals were executed on battlefields, Metallo executed the boy-prince in a grand sacrifice at Qart Hadasht, alongside dozens of other captives and prisoners taken during the raid.   Needless to say, the ritual slaughter of children (or humans) was not… common, to say the least. Rumour and hearsay about the sacrifice eventually spread into the east, finding its way into the blackened halls of Nova Roma, where the Imperator’s grief sent him spiralling into a mad rage. In response, he ordered his Normans to launch another invasion — and a large force of 15,000 landed at Kerkouane in 763.  And another followed, in 764…  And yet another after that, in 765…  And on top of that, he funded a Gaulish uprising that same year…    Faced with enemies in every direction, quite literally, the king sprang into action. Metallo knew that, above all, he could not allow these enemies to concentrate into a single army, and so he immediately darted towards the closest of these invasions, the 15,000-strong at Kerkouane, and in a desperately close-fought battle, he managed to drive them back into barbarian territory.    From there, Metallo shot towards the second army, surprising them with a winter campaign and dealing a crushing defeat — with no prisoners taken. Metallo did not listen to their desperate pleads, their babbling about oaths to their god-king and the coming of Ragnarok; instead, one by one, they were executed on the fields they had sought to conquer.    The third of the Norman invasions surely realised what was coming, and tried to retreat into Germanic territory; but Metallo was quicker, and he won his third victory in as many battles.    With that done, the king turned to deal with the Gauls — and in a single decisive battle, he not only crushed the uprising and ended the war, but he captured every single one of the chiefs who’d invaded his lands…    From the parapets of the citadel in Qart Hadasht, they were dedicated to the gods, one after the other. That would not be enough, however. The emperor in Nova Roma was relentless in his revenge, Metallo knew that much, and so he began planning another campaign into the east — and this time, he would not leave behind a Rome to retaliate.   Taking the sea route this time, Metallo landed at Masva — the site of an old Punic colony, before being conquered by Nova Roma — with a force of 7000, which marched on Nova Roma in force in the spring of 769.  The Romans were not distracted this time; they were waiting in ambush with 4000 men, but Metallo’s careful scouting sprung the trap, and with his tactical prowess he managed to outflank and scatter the Romans after a day of heavy fighting.   From there, he drove the Romans towards their capital in a relentless campaign along the banks of the River Alba. They retreated until the white walls of their city were rising behind them, and finally turned to fight, and die.   There would be no repeat of the subterfuge by which he had last taken Nova Roma; Metallo wanted to take this city the hard way, the violent way — and after a siege of three months, those walls were torn down, the towers were fired, the palace was seized and viciously sacked.  The king retreated back up the Alba, leaving a storm in his wake — the Imperator perished whilst fleeing his city, with his three year old daughter crowned a day later; barons and counts revolted against her, plunging the realm into civil war; and to the north, soon a Norman lord proclaimed himself Imperator…     For all intents and purposes, Nova Roma was dead.  Fortifying the coast- and river-forts with strong Punic garrisons, Metallo returned to Qart Hadasht. The king was an old man by now, but even with the conquest of Gauls and Britons, even with the defeat of a dozen Norman invasions, even with the sacking of Nova Roma and destruction of their ‘Second Empire’, his appetite for war and conquest had not yet been sated… …and so he turned his gaze to the south…  Carthage was the most powerful and prestigious polity in the West. She was still the largest city in the world, most reckoned, with a proud navy that still controlled the sealanes between Spania, Italia, Hellas, and all throughout Yam Shelanu — ‘our seas’, their name for the waters they dominated. She was the Ever-Shining City to poets and artists, the Thousand-Year Republic to lords and citizens, and for centuries and millennia, across wars and revolutions, through plague and famine, her light has remained undimmed. And Metallo was going to burn it all down.   The expedition took months to prepare — new levies were raised, vast supplies were stored, warplans were drafted and discarded and remade and perfected — but in the year 772, it finally launched from Qart Hadasht, clinging to the pirate-infested coasts of Gaul and Spania, crossing through the treacherous pillars of the world, sailing through the shallow waters betwixt Europa and Africa…   And eventually, they landed just a day’s march away from Qart Hadasht, the Elder and Greater.   Metallo waited at his landing point for a day… two days… five…. a week… He waited for a host of elephants, he waited for mercenaries armed to the teeth, he waited for emissaries or diplomats or something, but he waited in vain. Nobody was coming. Unbeknownst to the king, Great Carthage had been suffering a series of long, devastating civil wars over the past decade. Though overlarge and very rich, these conflicts had taken their toll on the Republic, whose strength was now utterly spent — in fact, it was on the very brink of destruction, with the senate in Qart Hadasht having elected a sixteen year old puppet to the position of Grand Suffet whilst they schemed and plotted and conspired in the background. That suited Metallo well enough. Once he was sure that there were no 100,000-strong armies waiting to annihilate him, the king plunged inland and besieged the city of his ancestors —  The city was helpless against him; they managed to raise a mercenary force of 1000 to try and distract Metallo, but the king simply crushed them in battle before turning back on Carthage. Within days, the Republic was suing for peace, offering tribute and concessions in return for peace…    But they did not know Metallo. He wasn’t interested in moneys alone — he wanted to be remembered, and there was no better way to cement his place in history, than by tearing down a city that had stood for a thousand years and more. And so the siege continued, and the walls were breached, and the gates were taken, and the city was laid to waste.  The sacking would be the final nail in the coffin of the old, beleaguered republic. This so-called ‘Great’ Carthage collapsed in the months and years that followed, with her capital sacked again and twice again, and her dominions in Spania, Italia, Atlasa all tearing themselves away, leaving the Republic with only the heartland in Africa, beset by enemies without and tyrants within.  Carthage in the year 770.  Carthage in the year 775.  Carthage in the year 780. The golden age of Carthage was over. The king Metallo lingered for a while longer, sacking a string of prominent and ancient cities of Africa, including Utiqa and Hadrumetum, but by the autumn of 777, his supplies and stamina were finally failing. He made peace with the figurehead propped up in Old Carthage, and departed the country laden with riches.    On his way back, acting on impulse more than anything else, he seized the so-called ‘pillars of the world’, crucial waterways that connected the Inner Sea to the Outer Oceans.   Again, he returned to his kingdom to great fanfare, bringing with him the most fantastic treasures and relics — including immeasurable amounts of gold, gems and jewels aplenty, books and scrolls for his daughter, swords and shields and suits of armour, a new throne, slaves and servants, and a herd of dwarf elephants.      And yet, Metallo found himself… disappointed. The city of Carthage was wondrous to behold, to be sure, but the resistance put forth by the Republic was scarce and ineffectual. How could these be the heirs of Hamilcar, Hannibal, Hiram? Unsurprisingly, it wasn’t long before he felt that old itch, the building intensity behind his eyes, the desperate need to do something, kill someone, march somewhere. And with half the world already having felt the bite of his sword and burn of his fire, there was only one place Metallo could turn...  The Holy Land. But that was one place that Metallo would never see, never conquer. When he returned to Qart Hadasht, his only child — his daughter by Sif, who ruled his domains whilst he campaigned— presented him with a gift, years in the making.  A masterwork tapestry, weaving the battles of his youth together with the triumphs of his peak. The patterning and detail was exquisite, and along the bottom of the tapestry, Punic words glittered in golden thread — “Here see the reign of Metallo of the Mago, who conquered New Rome and Old Carthage and made himself over-lord of all Europa.” Metallo was touched… not by the idea of his daughter having spent so much time and energy on this most precious gift, but by the knowledge that his feats and deeds were already committed to paper, to cloth, to history. Just a few days later, the king was struck by an assassin — a Gaulish lord, relative to one of those rebels sacrificed by Metallo.   The king weathered the initial attack, and managing to pin down the assassin before gouging his eyes out, but…  Nearing almost seventy years of age, riddled with old scars and new wounds, one-footed and half-blind, Metallo son of Baalhanno could not survive his injuries, and perished in the year 786.  Having spent so much time on warmaking, Metallo had fathered only a single child and heir — Elissa, whose reign would be contested by cousins and rivals from the very beginning. hashashash fucked around with this message at 17:26 on Nov 10, 2023 |
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Mar 21, 2023 21:59
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Rip Carthage, less great then advertised
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Mar 21, 2023 22:18
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I am happy to see I was wrong about what would happen to Metallo. No matter where Rome runs to, Carthage and its children will chase them to the ends of the earth!
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Mar 21, 2023 22:22
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Truly he was the most metal of kings. e: In a thousand years they'll be writing books about how obviously fictionalized this guy's life is. He married a giant shieldmaiden he met when she invaded his country? Unlikely. He kidnapped an imperial heir by accident? Absurd. He sailed a thousand miles to burn down the greatest city in the world out of pure whim? Clearly the people of the time made up some tall tales about their beloved King, but we can't take such musings at face value. megane fucked around with this message at 23:02 on Mar 21, 2023 |
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Mar 21, 2023 22:57
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Metallo, the bane of Empires, who reigned with a crown of Romans and sat on a throne of Carthage. Come on Elissa, time to get to Tyre and go full circle!
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Mar 21, 2023 23:07
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...are we the baddies?
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Mar 21, 2023 23:26
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sebzilla posted:...are we the baddies? Metallo definitely was.
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Mar 21, 2023 23:46
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sebzilla posted:...are we the baddies? Yes
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Mar 21, 2023 23:53
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sebzilla posted:...are we the baddies? No, we are the winners,
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Mar 22, 2023 00:06
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megane posted:Truly he was the most metal of kings. To contrast, I fully expect him to have several video games based on his life and at least two animated series in which he is turned into a cute girl and or handsome man. But, uh, yeah, that was a thing. gently caress Rome and gently caress Carthage too, I guess.
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Mar 22, 2023 00:09
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The bold strategy of only dying while you have one single heir alive is continuing to keep the realm big.
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Mar 22, 2023 00:34
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Ralepozozaxe posted:The bold strategy of only dying while you have one single heir alive is continuing to keep the realm big. unfortunately the realm has still partitioned -- half of it went to the daughter, half of it to some male cousin of hers so civil war will happen regardless
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Mar 22, 2023 00:36
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R I P in pieces Rome, again. At least Carthage got put in the ground with you. Border gore gonna get nasty.
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Mar 22, 2023 02:29
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What type of retinues does Carthaginians get in the mod? Metallo crushed some equal sized armies without much trouble, so I'm guessing that a bunch of it was just having a lot fewer levies doing the fighting.
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Mar 22, 2023 03:09
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Mar 22, 2023 03:25
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habeasdorkus posted:What type of retinues does Carthaginians get in the mod? Metallo crushed some equal sized armies without much trouble, so I'm guessing that a bunch of it was just having a lot fewer levies doing the fighting. we don't get access to any of the cool retinues (like war elephants) till we head to africa/middle east, so I've been using mostly armoured footmen and light cavalry i've got no idea if they're the best choice though, i don't fully understand battles in crusader kings (beyond big number beat little number)
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Mar 22, 2023 04:21
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Yeah, heavy infantry really beat up on levies and have a lot of staying power, so those armored footmen are doing work as long as they don't get countered.
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Mar 22, 2023 04:39
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Having casually destroyed the two heavily advertised features of our little AltHistory, I kind of wonder where we go from here
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Mar 22, 2023 15:06
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Having a good general and good knights also both make a huge difference in battles. Having a large number of high prowess knights can really swing battles especially in the early game even if the other side outnumbers you or has slightly better men at arms.
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Mar 22, 2023 15:14
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Rody One Half posted:Having casually destroyed the two heavily advertised features of our little AltHistory, I kind of wonder where we go from here
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Mar 22, 2023 15:21
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Rody One Half posted:Having casually destroyed the two heavily advertised features of our little AltHistory, I kind of wonder where we go from here Just casually causing a dark age out of boredom.
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Mar 22, 2023 15:32
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Rody One Half posted:Having casually destroyed the two heavily advertised features of our little AltHistory, I kind of wonder where we go from here We keep going and take down all the other empires that didn't exist in our timeline? It's what Metallo would have wanted
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Mar 22, 2023 16:14
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We're gonna single-handedly be responsible for everyone in our reach to just be a OPM when we convert to EU4.
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Mar 22, 2023 16:19
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People talk about “shattered world” mods but they never ask who shattered it 
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Mar 22, 2023 16:54
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Rody One Half posted:Having casually destroyed the two heavily advertised features of our little AltHistory, I kind of wonder where we go from here oh dont worry about that, i've got a few surprises up my sleeve
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Mar 22, 2023 18:43
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Archaeology Hat posted:Having a good general and good knights also both make a huge difference in battles. Having a large number of high prowess knights can really swing battles especially in the early game even if the other side outnumbers you or has slightly better men at arms. yeah i didnt really realise that until that last battle we lost against Sif, where i didn't have enough knights and so it led to me losing to vastly inferior troops
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Mar 22, 2023 18:45
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hashashash posted:oh dont worry about that, i've got a few surprises up my sleeve event invasions from e.g. canaanite mongolia and roman space aliens?
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Mar 22, 2023 19:51
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Sunset Invasion has always lead to some fun megacampaigns.
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Mar 22, 2023 20:02
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I hope the Romans are now up in Hudson Bay after having travelled even further north to get away from Carthage.
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Mar 22, 2023 20:09
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habeasdorkus posted:I hope the Romans are now up in Hudson Bay after having travelled even further north to get away from Carthage. the roman fled across the globe, and the carthaginian followed
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Mar 22, 2023 20:21
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I'm going to the one place that hasn't been corrupted but Carthaginians....SPAAAACE!
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Mar 22, 2023 21:34
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Not gonna lie, it does seem a little wild that we single-handedly brought down two of the great empires of the time, but I suppose it works well for a "Dark Ages" timeline. Still a little disappointing that we managed to beat Rome AND Carthage that easily...
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Mar 22, 2023 21:41
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