[UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] watch Mellon start an intergalactic war

(Thread IKs: sharknado slashfic)

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

my bony fealty posted:

I dunno if this is all that entertaining, this lady's blog very quickly gets into how she has been sexually abused and trafficked and tortured her whole life which isn't very fun :/

drat, I did not get that far into her blog so yeah that is pretty fuckin vile and depressing

tbh I just linked it after seeing the saucer on the homepage and aliens in the bible talk

I�m guessing that sorta poo poo is rampant in cultish usaf and military families

Tekne has issued a correction as of 03:56 on Apr 11, 2023

# ? Apr 11, 2023 03:52

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# ? May 30, 2024 06:44

chainchompz: Jul 15, 2021; bark bark

Wheeee posted:

all this talk of 2026/27 of late coming after the galactic federation saw the latest lamed IPCC report and realized we were in fact going to barrel full throttle into locking in extinction by 2030

Lol last time I saw talk about that online it was 2024. Already pushing the dates back.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 03:54

Wheeee: Mar 11, 2001; When a tree grows, it is soft and pliable. But when it's dry and hard, it dies.

Hardness and strength are death's companions. Flexibility and softness are the embodiment of life.

That which has become hard shall not triumph.

which do we get first: full public disclosure or Silksong

# ? Apr 11, 2023 03:56

D-Pad: Jun 28, 2006

Tekne posted:

lue vouches for this man's cuban brainworms
https://twitter.com/LueElizondo/status/1645477174475104256

This is dumb but a cool conspiracy theory would be that all the havana syndrome people were working on alien stuff for the government with cover stories as diplomats and because of the disclosure ball starting to roll in 2017 the government decided to cover their tracks and used experimental men-in-black memory eraser tech to erase their memories and make them think their cover story was real and havana syndrome is the side effect. They've always been able to remote view but because of their new memories they think it's a new thing. Would make for a cool book.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 05:10

AndyElusive: Jan 7, 2007

Dr. Jerrold Coe posted:

Bigfoot has a micropenis, this is canon. Any sighting reports with big floppy dongs can be dismissed as crass hoaxes

Wanna swing back around to Bigcock talk and ask if anyone knows if there have ever been actual reports of Sasquatches with big hanging dongs?

Of course I'm asking for myself, lol if you think I have any friends who give a poo poo about this sort of thing.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 05:11

Nichael: Mar 30, 2011

Jazerus posted:

The logline for the memoir by Scott Andrews takes some time to unpack, but it�s a doozy. Andrews is a former senior U.S soldier and decorated intelligence officer who conducted global counterterrorism operations on behalf of the United States during a 36-year military career. Shortly after returning from an overseas mission, he began to suffer from rare, life-threatening ailments that defied medical explanation. Rather than succumbing, he instead began to experience special, inexplicable abilities such as remote viewing, and his body began to heal, baffling doctors.

As he sought more information about his health, Andrews came across a file compiled for him by his late father. It contained records from a past he did not remember, including documents indicating he was removed from school for weeks every year, from the first through 12th grades. The records also contained a shocker, that he received an honorable discharge from the U.S Air Force and worked in space intelligence communications as a minor. Andrews maintains he has no memory of having served in the U.S Air Force.

Referred to a classified White House National Security Council program, which had been delegated to the Department of Defense, Andrews then met a man who ran the highly classified program, who introduced him to a doctor. The doctor had worked for the CIA and had expertise enabling him to help Andrews start to piece together what has happened to him and others like him. Soon after connecting with the doctor, Andrews says he experienced symptoms associated with the Havana Syndrome, a phenomenon first reported by military personnel working at the U.S. Embassy in Havana, Cuba, in 2016. The syndrome has generated significant media attention in top-tier outlets including 60 Minutes and The New York Times in recent years. An investigation went on to determine that Andrews had been targeted with an advanced energy weapon.

This is basically the Olivia (Anna Torv) plotline of Fringe.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 05:15

Dr. Jerrold Coe: Feb 6, 2021; Is it me?

AndyElusive posted:

Wanna swing back around to Bigcock talk and ask if anyone knows if there have ever been actual reports of Sasquatches with big hanging dongs?

Of course I'm asking for myself, lol if you think I have any friends who give a poo poo about this sort of thing.

afaik no dicks, only tig old biddies

there was a weirdo who got banned from r/bigfoot due to his obsession with killing bigfoot before bigfoot could rape him, which he was sure would happen in any encounter

# ? Apr 11, 2023 05:30

Stinky Wizzleteats: Nov 26, 2015; You must pay the price for this post.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.charlotteobserver.com/news/nation-world/national/article215775435.html

This weirdo was obsessed with bigfoot dong. It cost him a republican nomination lol

# ? Apr 11, 2023 05:33

Slavvy: Dec 11, 2012

Dr. Jerrold Coe posted:

afaik no dicks, only tig old biddies

there was a weirdo who got banned from r/bigfoot due to his obsession with killing bigfoot before bigfoot could rape him, which he was sure would happen in any encounter

The human mind is an extraordinary thing

# ? Apr 11, 2023 05:59

chainchompz: Jul 15, 2021; bark bark

Wheeee posted:

which do we get first: full public disclosure or Silksong

Definitely Silksong.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 06:17

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

AndyElusive posted:

Wanna swing back around to Bigcock talk and ask if anyone knows if there have ever been actual reports of Sasquatches with big hanging dongs?

Of course I'm asking for myself, lol if you think I have any friends who give a poo poo about this sort of thing.

as an ascended being bigfoot cares not for dong size

coincidentally bigfoots have monster schlongs this is not related to their philosophical stance on boners, merely their general walking & sitting stance

Jazerus posted:

ah, the common experience of finding files left by your late father detailing your commission as a minor to serve as a space ambassador for stargate command which you don't remember in any way

maybe havana syndrome is just long-term damage from getting zapped by those goa'uld stun laser things

alternate sa has laser balls brain attack gangtag

Wheeee posted:

A man was going down from Phoenix to Tucson, when he was attacked by rednecks. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Liberal, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But Lue, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, cleaning and disinfecting them. Then he put the man in his own F-350, brought him to a black site and took care of him. The next day he took out two jugs and gave them to the site commander. �Get him to talk,� he said, �and when I return, I expect to know if he knows anything.'

# ? Apr 11, 2023 06:20

coconono: Aug 11, 2004; KISS ME KRIS

I�m still convinced the Havana Syndrome was a DIA psyop to assess just how gullible Trump is. It�s as real as my 4th grade Canadian girlfriend

# ? Apr 11, 2023 06:49

endocriminologist: May 17, 2021; SUFFERINGLOVER:press send + soul + earth lol
inncntsoul:ok

(inncntsoul has left the game)

ARCHON_MASTER:lol
MAMMON69:lol

Canadian girlfriends are real

# ? Apr 11, 2023 07:19

stringless: Dec 28, 2005; keyboard ⌨️ cowboy

As I understand it, Squatches are holographic, so dong length/presence would be purely arbitrary.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 07:30

Orbis Tertius: Feb 13, 2007

Sasquatch spring fully formed from the head of Zeus

# ? Apr 11, 2023 07:36

LIVE AMMO COSPLAY: Feb 3, 2006

coconono posted:

I�m still convinced the Havana Syndrome was a DIA psyop to assess just how gullible Trump is. It�s as real as my 4th grade Canadian girlfriend

It made congress look pretty loving gullible

# ? Apr 11, 2023 09:58

endocriminologist: May 17, 2021; SUFFERINGLOVER:press send + soul + earth lol
inncntsoul:ok

(inncntsoul has left the game)

ARCHON_MASTER:lol
MAMMON69:lol

Havana syndrome is the soul leaving the body because your a spook imo

# ? Apr 11, 2023 10:16

1glitch0: Sep 4, 2018; I DON'T GIVE A CRAP WHAT SHE BELIEVES THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS CHANGED MY LIFE #HUFFLEPUFF

Nichael posted:

This is basically the Olivia (Anna Torv) plotline of Fringe.

As I was reading that I thought the exact same thing.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 11:43

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

D-Pad posted:

This is dumb but a cool conspiracy theory would be that all the havana syndrome people were working on alien stuff for the government with cover stories as diplomats and because of the disclosure ball starting to roll in 2017 the government decided to cover their tracks and used experimental men-in-black memory eraser tech to erase their memories and make them think their cover story was real and havana syndrome is the side effect. They've always been able to remote view but because of their new memories they think it's a new thing. Would make for a cool book.

That's a fun one. I'd also settle for "they were testing exotic weaponry stupidly close to their own staff" and zapped their own people
or just that they put people in a poorly ventilated building and it had a weird pressure differential or some old chemicals that hosed them all up

there's so many choices and I'd believe them all from the mundanely inept to the bafflingly exotic

# ? Apr 11, 2023 12:28

stringless: Dec 28, 2005; keyboard ⌨️ cowboy

I'm still solidly in the "Havana Syndrome was COVID-19 all along" camp

# ? Apr 11, 2023 12:34

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

it was fidel

# ? Apr 11, 2023 12:34

my bony fealty: Oct 1, 2008

Fidel's deadmans switch was to drive US state department freaks insane with phantom noises. checks out.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 12:39

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

my bony fealty posted:

Fidel's deadmans switch was to drive US state department freaks insane with phantom noises. checks out.

you misunderstand... it was fidel's ghost

# ? Apr 11, 2023 12:47

LIVE AMMO COSPLAY: Feb 3, 2006

The embassy was being bug bombed, but Elaine was holding her breath so she's okay. Unfortunately Kramer was unaware and now his Havana Syndrome now keeps him from enjoying fresh peaches

# ? Apr 11, 2023 12:49

goochtit: Nov 2, 2021

Jazerus posted:

The logline for the memoir by Scott Andrews takes some time to unpack, but it�s a doozy. Andrews is a former senior U.S soldier and decorated intelligence officer who conducted global counterterrorism operations on behalf of the United States during a 36-year military career. Shortly after returning from an overseas mission, he began to suffer from rare, life-threatening ailments that defied medical explanation. Rather than succumbing, he instead began to experience special, inexplicable abilities such as remote viewing, and his body began to heal, baffling doctors.

As he sought more information about his health, Andrews came across a file compiled for him by his late father. It contained records from a past he did not remember, including documents indicating he was removed from school for weeks every year, from the first through 12th grades. The records also contained a shocker, that he received an honorable discharge from the U.S Air Force and worked in space intelligence communications as a minor. Andrews maintains he has no memory of having served in the U.S Air Force.

Referred to a classified White House National Security Council program, which had been delegated to the Department of Defense, Andrews then met a man who ran the highly classified program, who introduced him to a doctor. The doctor had worked for the CIA and had expertise enabling him to help Andrews start to piece together what has happened to him and others like him. Soon after connecting with the doctor, Andrews says he experienced symptoms associated with the Havana Syndrome, a phenomenon first reported by military personnel working at the U.S. Embassy in Havana, Cuba, in 2016. The syndrome has generated significant media attention in top-tier outlets including 60 Minutes and The New York Times in recent years. An investigation went on to determine that Andrews had been targeted with an advanced energy weapon.

Tekne posted:

I don't care what the truth is anymore as long as it's this entertaining

# ? Apr 11, 2023 14:17

fanfic insert: Nov 4, 2009

Orbis Tertius posted:

Sasquatch spring fully formed from the head of Zeus

Which head?

# ? Apr 11, 2023 14:19

Necrobama: Aug 4, 2006; by the sex ghost

"why do all these CIA freaks have massive hangovers after stopping in South Beach on their way to Cuba?"

# ? Apr 11, 2023 14:22

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

Necrobama posted:

"why do all these CIA freaks have massive hangovers after stopping in South Beach on their way to Cuba?"

eh, if we're at the point where Nolan is vouching for it having physiological symptoms I'd really give it the benefit of the doubt that something slightly more exotic than booze is at play

# ? Apr 11, 2023 14:47

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Oh poo poo that's the metapod again!

I was looking into this because I was curious what the gently caress you meant by "metapod".

Madrid, Spain. 2015

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KoVICnyrT4

quote:

[Whistling and breathing]
Estate...
[Unintelligible] Mois�s, Mois�s, mira. Mira all�. No digas nada. Mira. A ver.
[Another voice let's out a surprised gasp]
[Wind through the microphone]
No hace ruido.
[Breathing]
[Unintelligible] Mira. Otra vez(?).
[Unintelligible] ...La madre... la madre... la madre concha de la lora(?)... la madre... [unintelligible] ...no hace ruido. [unintelligible] ...si sale bien(?)

Here's the English translation:

[Whistling and breathing]
Keep still...
[Unintelligible] Mois�s, Mois�s, look. Look over there. Don't say anything. Look. Let's see.
[Another voice let's out a surprised gasp]
[Wind through the microphone]
It doesn't make any noise.
[Breathing]
[Unintelligible] Look. Again(?).
[Unintelligible] ...gently caress... gently caress... loving hell... gently caress... [unintelligible] ...it doesn't make any noise. [unintelligible] ...it comes out right(?)

Other Notes:

At the start of the video, the man recording can be heard whistling softly. As he zooms in on the object, he stops and quietly tells his friend Mois�s to look at it too. This makes me think that he didn't know what he was observing at first, until he saw it through the camera's zoom; as if he just saw the object and decided to record it out of curiosity.

It's interesting to note how the man tells his friend not to make any sound, and then proceeds to whisper for the rest of the video until the object seems to go away.

There does seem to be another man with him, as you can hear a different voice let out a muffled surprise gasp when he tells him to look.

The man's accent corresponds with the place described in the e-mail and video (Spain), as well as some expressions he used.

The audio sounds like it has been processed with a noise reduction filter; either added in post-processing or directly applied by the camera to filter out the wind.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 15:04

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

yeah if anyone could find a party balloon that looks like that it'd ease a lot of anxiety because that fucker is weird as all hell

# ? Apr 11, 2023 15:06

SpaceGoatFarts: Jan 5, 2010; sic transit gloria mundi; Nap Ghost

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

yeah if anyone could find a party balloon that looks like that it'd ease a lot of anxiety because that fucker is weird as all hell

the way it moves and reflects light makes it look like a model hanging from a fishing rod.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 15:12

Barry Foster: Dec 24, 2007; What is going wrong with that one (face is longer than it should be)

Behold! Flying Saucer Review Vol 23, No.1!

https://filebin.net/4dw7hxu11ttyakct

The famous Broad Haven event! Floating Brains! Dwarves setting off firecrackers! Venezuelan alien sex orgy!!

# ? Apr 11, 2023 15:47

Orbis Tertius: Feb 13, 2007

fanfic insert posted:

Which head?

lol get a load of this guy. �which head� lmao *tugs nervously at collar*

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:09

Human.Frank: Jun 2, 2022

I'm a little disappointed with the general reaction to Lue's News as apposed to his Clues. It's pretty obvious something is going on with Havana Syndrome and more information is always good. It's a little more than just secret service agents covering up their latest coke binge. I thought more people would be excited for it...

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:31

Dr. Jerrold Coe: Feb 6, 2021; Is it me?

Barry Foster posted:

Behold! Flying Saucer Review Vol 23, No.1!

https://filebin.net/4dw7hxu11ttyakct

The famous Broad Haven event! Floating Brains! Dwarves setting off firecrackers! Venezuelan alien sex orgy!!

Oh man that Colombian orgy instantly made me think of Antonio Villas Boas, and then Gordon Creighton says as much - but don't get too excited, he goes on, because the djinn can look like anything they want and are only trying to confuse us by keeping track of differences and similarities. He mentions ones of my favorite FSR cases, the white Rhodesian whose car gets teleported an impossible distance on a road trip to South Africa: "They looked how I wanted them to look. They looked like a duck, then it looked like a duck; if it looked like a monster, then it looked like a monster." I love this case because of how flimsy it is - the guy's proof of teleportation is that he never stopped for gas but the tank was fuller than it should have been after so many miles, and in the FSR writeup they spend pages going over the math PROVING this, but ... what if it just isn't true? :P

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:31

Perry Mason Jar: Feb 24, 2006; "Della? Take a lid"

FFT posted:

I'm still solidly in the "Havana Syndrome was COVID-19 all along" camp

It's a hangover, we cracked this ages ago.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:31

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

FFT posted:

I'm still solidly in the "Havana Syndrome was COVID-19 all along" camp

it's an unreleased single by camila cabello

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:34

my bony fealty: Oct 1, 2008

Human.Frank posted:

I'm a little disappointed with the general reaction to Lue's News as apposed to his Clues. It's pretty obvious something is going on with Havana Syndrome and more information is always good. It's a little more than just secret service agents covering up their latest coke binge. I thought more people would be excited for it...

listening to Lue's podcast interviews gave me Havana syndrome

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:35

The Demilich: Apr 9, 2020; The First Rites of Men Were Mortuary, the First Altars Tombs.

Havana syndrome sounds like utter bullshit. I'm open to being wrong though.

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:35

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# ? May 30, 2024 06:44

Necrobama: Aug 4, 2006; by the sex ghost

"side effects of unpredictable alien technology", to be fair, is a far more believable explanation than "commie brain microwaves"

# ? Apr 11, 2023 16:43

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