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Len posted:My mom was once complaining about how my grandmother still brought up poo poo she did as a teen/young adult that was embarrassing and that I should tell her not to do that if she starts it. It turns out that it's sometimes super difficult to not not repeat the childrearing mistakes your parents made even if you're aware on some level that it's lovely, hurtful behaviour. There's a part of your brain that got taught that this is how families treat each other which can never be fully overwritten and it takes work to keep suppressing it. Of course there's also a lot of people who never figured out that their childhood environment was at least partially lovely and toxic and they're proud to raise their kids exactly the same way they were raised, because "My daddy was a saint, how dare you!!" instantly overrides pretty much any other input and they're simply not ready to start unpacking that. Any pushback on the way they raise their kids becomes an attack on the way they were raised, etc etc. and the cycle of abuse rolls on. There's an old quote that goes something like "If you insist on traumatizing your kids because "My parents did it to me and I turned out fine" then you did not, in fact, turn out fine."
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Apr 18, 2023 20:03
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Sobatchja Morda posted:It's not just with kids, I have friends who insist that my cats are not just brothers but also gay lovers. This has no effect on the cats, though. Also Cat Soap Opera sounds fun.
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Apr 18, 2023 21:27
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Captain Monkey posted:When I was like 7 years old, there was a girl whose parents were friends with my parents so we ended up hanging out a lot - like you do when you're 7 and you keep ending up at each others' houses. So we became friends and started asking to hang out even when our parents weren't doing some sort of adult thing. Anyway, after about a year of that they started being really weird every time we'd like play legos or nintendo or whatever and made it into this big thing to the point where we just stopped wanting to hang out with each other. We interacted some through junior high and high school and there was always kind of an awkward 'does this person like me?' energy to it because of that and it really made what was a random, fun childhood friendship into something weird and awkward especially considering our age at the time. Sorry to tell you that your parents were swingers.
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Apr 18, 2023 21:29
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decidedly not, but that would've been funny.
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Apr 18, 2023 21:32
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All cats are girls and all dogs are boys which means almost every one is gay as hell.
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Apr 18, 2023 22:18
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Beachcomber posted:This has no effect on the cats, though. Also Cat Soap Opera sounds fun. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btwhDa7k0IM&list=PLvDjnxzmIrklkwuG0cub0KbFYNDm9LsQy&index=1
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Apr 18, 2023 22:34
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:It turns out that it's sometimes super difficult to not not repeat the childrearing mistakes your parents made even if you're aware on some level that it's lovely, hurtful behaviour. There's a part of your brain that got taught that this is how families treat each other which can never be fully overwritten and it takes work to keep suppressing it. We've got our first on the way and one of my goals is to not be like my parents. I grew up in a house where yelling was the go to coping method with a dash of throwing things. I respond to things that stress me out by yelling and sometimes throwing things. I've gotten better since getting on medication in 2021 but I'm not where I would like to be and I'm working on getting in to see a professional. I had an eye opening moment a few months ago when some friends and I were talking about learning to ride a bike. I get frustrated when I'm not immediately good at something and just don't try again and part of that is probably because when I didn't immediately get the hang of riding my bike without training wheels I got screamed at and my bike was yeeted over our white picket fence. Turns out that's not how it goes for everyone  I also want to make sure that if I think the kid has add or ADHD that we do something about it. I got tested for it in 2020 and turns out I've got ADHD with a recommendation for stimulants and my mom's take? "Yeah I knew that" So instead of doing something about it which may have helped me in school they just didn't. We had insurance my entire life growing up too so  Anyways I guess I'll take one of those apple salads and a lemonade
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Apr 19, 2023 01:28
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I would simply control my temper
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Apr 19, 2023 01:47
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Kit Walker posted:I had something like that happen to me. When I was like, somewhere between 5 and 9 almost all my friends were girls. Any time I went somewhere new I made friends with mostly girls. At some point my older cousin (by five years) and his friends (entirely guys) made fun of me for it and I ended up drifting away from that pattern. It very seriously stunted my social development but by the time I was 20 I sorta figured things out again and now most of my friends are queer femmes and non-binary people so it's all good. It's wild to consider how different my life might've turned out if I hadn't spent 10 of my developmental years being insanely weird around girls A while back I was reflecting on my childhood and realized that the timeline of me turning from a happy outgoing kid into a nervous withdrawn loner correlated exactly with the timeline of half of my school friends deciding that they didn't want to play or talk with me anymore, and my autistic little rear end never quite grasped that at this age you were "supposed" to socially segregate by gender so it just felt like a bunch of my friends spontaneously rejected me 
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Apr 19, 2023 03:46
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I swear half the people here have parents who didn't bother to tell them about their autism and/or ADHD diagnosis.
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Apr 19, 2023 06:31
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rodbeard posted:I swear half the people here have parents who didn't bother to tell them about their autism and/or ADHD diagnosis. Recently I have been heavily suspecting the same thing happened to me. One of my relatives who has been heavily suspecting I am ND told me that my mom took me to a lot of psychologists as a kid (I half remember some of them), abruptly stopped and spent the rest of her life dismissing psychology as hogwash. "I think she was told something she did not want to hear". AceOfFlames has a new favorite as of 06:44 on Apr 19, 2023 |
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Apr 19, 2023 06:35
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Yeah, it can be kind of  to randomly remember things from your childhood and suddenly realize that they were Not Normal. I also distinctly remember my mother telling me to my face that she suspected I was autistic (bang on) and depressed (also probably yes) and then she proceeded to not do a single thing about either of those. 
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Apr 19, 2023 07:58
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My parents were always aware that I was a "miserable child" (in their words) but apparently they just saw that as an annoyance and did their best to ignore it and it didn't occur to them to do anything about it or even look into it. A few years ago we were talking about childhood stuff and when I mentioned the horrific bullying I received at school they were genuinely surprised to hear about it, they had no idea it had happened. I was so shocked I couldn't even respond.
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Apr 19, 2023 09:00
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Perestroika posted:Yeah, it can be kind of My mother told me I was "a little retarded." To be fair, the small town doctor who had analyzed me probably explained it to her that way.
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Apr 19, 2023 09:02
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:My parents were always aware that I was a "miserable child" (in their words) but apparently they just saw that as an annoyance and did their best to ignore it and it didn't occur to them to do anything about it or even look into it. A few years ago we were talking about childhood stuff and when I mentioned the horrific bullying I received at school they were genuinely surprised to hear about it, they had no idea it had happened. I was so shocked I couldn't even respond. I remember when I told my dad about being bullied at school and he just laughed at me lol
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Apr 19, 2023 09:10
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rodbeard posted:I swear half the people here have parents who didn't bother to tell them about their autism and/or ADHD diagnosis. forreal lmao
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Apr 19, 2023 09:56
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Barry Foster posted:I remember when I told my dad about being bullied at school and he just laughed at me lol I got screamed at once when my dad found out I stood up for myself because "they'll firebomb the house now"
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Apr 19, 2023 11:36
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credburn posted:I always felt so loving bad about the way I treated my childhood best friend. I knew her since I was 4; she lived across the street from me, was a year older, and we did everything together. Then at some point it just was so uncool and weird to hang out with girls that I felt I had to end our friendship. something similar happened to me in junior high. i had this one friend who i hung out with all the time. apparently we were the only pair of boys to do that, whereas all the other boys hung out in larger groups. cause of this, they started calling us gay at every opportunity. it got bothersome enough that it caused me and him to fight (not physically) on multiple occasions, all of which, i'm ashamed to admit, were started by me cause of my insecurity. i tried to distance myself from him, which i found didn't help my popularity with the other boys much at all. we ran on a track system and the last year of JH he wound up changing to another track, and that was pretty much the official end of our friendship. poo poo still pisses me off to this day. the guy was great on like every level and the only real friend i had during that entire wretched period, and i turned my back and took out my frustrations on him. i wish i hadn't been so weak  thankfully, that kind of hosed up thinking ended by the time i reached high school (though by that point i would have more than one friend anyway).
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Apr 19, 2023 11:51
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I think parents were scared of kids getting labelled and having diagnosis follow them throughout school. I am sure we all remember being labelled a "SPED kid" and how you get put into a different track/getting pulled out of class for the help you recieved. Our school district now checks for this stuff and has integrated classrooms and it seems like its destigmatized a lot.
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Apr 19, 2023 12:15
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:My parents were always aware that I was a "miserable child" (in their words) but apparently they just saw that as an annoyance and did their best to ignore it and it didn't occur to them to do anything about it or even look into it. A few years ago we were talking about childhood stuff and when I mentioned the horrific bullying I received at school they were genuinely surprised to hear about it, they had no idea it had happened. I was so shocked I couldn't even respond. I remember (though I distinctly think it isn't anywhere near as bad as you experienced it) being repeatedly told to 'cheer up, Eeyore' anytime I expressed/wanted to talk about sadness/worry and then later my parents being amazed that I ended up with severe problems dealing with basic emotional interaction.
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Apr 19, 2023 12:46
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Mooseontheloose posted:I think parents were scared of kids getting labelled and having diagnosis follow them throughout school. I am sure we all remember being labelled a "SPED kid" and how you get put into a different track/getting pulled out of class for the help you recieved. I got put in a SPED class in elementary just because I spoke really softly.
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Apr 19, 2023 12:52
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Mooseontheloose posted:I think parents were scared of kids getting labelled and having diagnosis follow them throughout school. I am sure we all remember being labelled a "SPED kid" and how you get put into a different track/getting pulled out of class for the help you recieved. My one kid has a gifted IEP in their school, it's a combination of the extra teacher coming into the class to do extra stuff with the gifted kids there and pulling them outas a group occasionally to his classroom. Their friend works with the gifted teacher and then also goes to the separate IEP classroom, sort of like the leg up room Bart ends up in with the circles of paper. They recognize now that some kids need extra help, some kids need extra learning opportunities to keep them from getting bored, and some kids need both because they're advanced in some areas and behind in others. I think that's great, it sounds a lot more helpful than what they had when I was a kid which was just like a once-a-week group discussion and photocopies of the day's crossword from the Inquirer.
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Apr 19, 2023 12:57
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Baron von Eevl posted:My one kid has a gifted IEP in their school, it's a combination of the extra teacher coming into the class to do extra stuff with the gifted kids there and pulling them outas a group occasionally to his classroom. My son is in the special help class due to ADHD and he's now almost a full grade ahead of his peers in class work because of how much better a smaller more focused class is. They are amazing and I wish I could have had that help 35 years ago.
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Apr 19, 2023 13:40
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PYF childhood trauma that did not age well
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Apr 19, 2023 14:33
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I learned my mother was a lesbian because I came home from school early and saw her having sex with my babysitter. We didn't talk about it for twenty-five years.
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Apr 19, 2023 14:38
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credburn posted:I learned my mother was a lesbian because I came home from school early and saw her having sex with my babysitter. Yikes, I'm assuming the babysitter was probably underage too.
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Apr 19, 2023 14:45
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what is happening in this thread
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Apr 19, 2023 14:49
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Alaois posted:what is happening in this thread It's us, we are the media that isn't aging well
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Apr 19, 2023 14:53
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The media that truly didn’t age well was we goons
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Apr 19, 2023 14:55
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:My parents were always aware that I was a "miserable child" (in their words) but apparently they just saw that as an annoyance and did their best to ignore it and it didn't occur to them to do anything about it or even look into it. A few years ago we were talking about childhood stuff and when I mentioned the horrific bullying I received at school they were genuinely surprised to hear about it, they had no idea it had happened. I was so shocked I couldn't even respond. Reminds me of when, after I had effectively been bullied out of school and the school was trying to explain what was going on and hash out what to do about it (aka cover their rear end as hard as possible), my mom quietly said something like "we had no idea it was this bad". This was after I spent several weeks if not months not wanting to get out of bed in the morning (culminating in my dad trying to physically drag me out of bed, which totally worked wonders), constantly staying home from school because I "didn't feel good", coming home so utterly exhausted I would pass out on the couch, and other such things. With the scariest takeaway being the implication that there was some kind of appropriate level of bullying where it wasn't actually their responsibility to care about it. That they knew something was up, but it simply wasn't bad enough to raise concern.
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Apr 19, 2023 15:46
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I was always popular and hot.
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Apr 19, 2023 15:49
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:I was always popular and hot. Home schooled huh?
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Apr 19, 2023 16:15
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exquisite tea posted:PYF childhood trauma that did not age well All of it
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Apr 19, 2023 19:35
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IShallRiseAgain posted:Yikes, I'm assuming the babysitter was probably underage too. What? Oh, no no no, the babysitter was a 350 pound methed out lady my mom met at an AA meeting. She was my "babysitter" because she needed a place to live because the old man she was supposed to be caring after had died and she was afraid she was going to be arrested. But she did babysit me on occasion, too. edit: Not meaning to sound so fatphobic. But at 12 or 13 when I walked in on them -- the fat thing really stuck with me. She was enormous. ... she sold my father's bed while he was at work ... credburn has a new favorite as of 21:18 on Apr 19, 2023 |
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Apr 19, 2023 20:49
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credburn posted:What? Oh, no no no, the babysitter was a 350 pound methed out lady my mom met at an AA meeting. She was my "babysitter" because she needed a place to live because the old man she was supposed to be caring after had died and she was afraid she was going to be arrested. ....I honestly don't know if that's better or worse
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Apr 19, 2023 20:56
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credburn posted:What? Oh, no no no, the babysitter was a 350 pound methed out lady my mom met at an AA meeting. She was my "babysitter" because she needed a place to live because the old man she was supposed to be caring after had died and she was afraid she was going to be arrested. 
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Apr 19, 2023 21:14
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bunnyofdoom posted:....I honestly don't know if that's better or worse I mean, from a strictly moral viewpoint, it's better. But still a horrifying thing to wander into, I would imagine.
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Apr 19, 2023 21:17
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so this thread's getting kind of dark and depressing, so allow me to get it back on track if y'all don't mind  Randalor posted:I keep forgetting Xena was a spinoff from Hercules. Are either of thkse worth watching nowadays, or have they aged like fine milk from a particularly diseased cow? hercules/xena were two of my favorite shows growing up in the 90s, so i'm a bit biased, but....i say they aged fairly well. at least, up until a certain point. if you're interested in seeing a campy, fantasy based version of greek mythology that's very, VERY loosely based on many of the original stories, give them a shot. at the very least, i think most people will find them entertaining. it has a very likable cast of characters, fun action scenes, and a great soundtrack (one of my favorites for a t.v. show). kevin sorbo loving sucks as a human being, but i think he does a good job with the character. it probably helps that the hercules in the show is absolutely nothing like the actor playing him (ironically, hercules from the original mythos would probably be someone more closer to sorbo as he is). xena was a bit more of a slow burn watching it as a kid, imo. i was initially very skeptical of the show, but it won me over fairly quickly. both shows turned out to be pretty fun watches, and both use the same kind of humor/directing/music (makes sense since it was done by mostly the same crew). they're roughly equal to me but i'd probably give the slight edge to hercules just cause his fights tended to be a lot more entertaining, being half-god and all. that being said, both shows fall off HARD imo after the 4th season, where they start introducing gods from other mythologies, and eventually even incorporating christianity itself  the mixing of various mythologies triggered the poo poo out of me as a kid cause i thought it kind of diluted the world of the greeks, but looking back at it, i probably might have been able to tolerate it. the larger issue i found was that the shows just became obnoxiously campy. don't get me wrong, both shows were campy right from the beginning, and while the campiness got progressively worse as time went on, it was still tolerable. but by the fourth season, it became utterly insufferable. not to mention it seemed like the directors stopped giving a poo poo about how the fight scenes were supposed to look. everything just became so utterly half assed. i remember thinking how the mortal kombat t.v. show that aired around the same time loked infinitely better in that regard (and it was nothing to write home about).mind the walrus posted:Xena is dumb fun. Hercules is mostly just dumb. Did Jack of All Trades age badly? I legit have not watched it since first run and it was my very first intro to Bruce Campbell: jack of all trades was loving horrible. it had all of the obnoxious campiness and humor of the latter seasons of hercules/xena but with none of the charm that made those shows good in the first place. was genuinely painful to watch. this brings me no joy to report as i loved bruce campbell RoboChrist 9000 posted:I seem to recall it got kind of bad in the latter seasons, which sadly IIRC was also when it got most overt with the queer subtext? Like I seem to remember it going more into Christian mythology and sort of taking itself a bit too seriously? both shows had a couple of episodes set in the modern day, yeah. Snowglobe of Doom posted:Don't forget Xena Warrior Princess. apologies if i mentioned this in this thread already but one thing i find really interesting is that xena was a spinoff of hercules, and was just as popular (sometimes even moreso), hercules is all but forgotten but xena had become a cultural icon. if you ask random people on the street, they probably might not have watched either show, but i'm almost positive most people would at least recognize Xena. BrigadierSensible posted:On Xena. The producers at the time were fervently against Xena and Gabrielle being explicitly a couple. Due to the homophobia of the time, (Golly aren't we all glad that the homophobia problem in mainstream media has been eradicated eh?) both shows were pretty progresive for their times, even if in some cases they probably did so a bit hamfistedly. there's at least two episodes of hercules that deal with racism against centaurs, with one of the episodes specifically being a parallel to the the civil rights movement. another one was a bit more subtle, but hercules creates the olympics and defends the idea of women being able to participate in it. lots of good messages all around 
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Apr 19, 2023 23:30
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Lucy Lawless has been trolling the poo poo out of Kevin Sorbo on Twitter for years now
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PYF: Derail Valley > Media that did not age well: two episodes deal with racism against centaurs
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Apr 19, 2023 23:41
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BrigadierSensible posted:On Xena. The producers at the time were fervently against Xena and Gabrielle being explicitly a couple. Due to the homophobia of the time, (Golly aren't we all glad that the homophobia problem in mainstream media has been eradicated eh?) I only watched Xena as a kid, but it always came across to me as Gabrielle was in love with Xena but Xena was either oblivious or just het.
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Apr 20, 2023 00:30
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