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Oooooof. Spent yesterday with my partner and his son last night after a long and tough week. (My own father is currently on the decline and likely dying) So, admittedly I was a bit more fragile than usual. But at one point kiddo asked me for a hug and then repeatedly asked me to leave.  Intellectually I know he’s four and just says whatever come to mind a lot of the time but WHEW I had to leave the room and gather myself for a moment. My partner reassured me and sure enough everything was FINE. We had a nice evening of playing and then had a big cuddle on the couch while daddy read The Sneetches for bedtime. But whew kids be sayin things. I’m also probably hyper sensitive about not wanting to make him overwhelmed or feel like I’m someone who is coming between him and his dad.
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Apr 30, 2023 13:44
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It's rough when they're older and drop it on you the first few times. My 2 year old is on the spectrum and has speech apraxia so communication can be difficult for him. But through his own determination and focus, he has mastered looking directly at me and saying "dada out" to get me to leave the room when I'm bugging him
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Apr 30, 2023 14:06
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My daughter has mastered the art of slaying she wants to see/loves/has fun with whichever parent is not actually hanging out w her right now
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Apr 30, 2023 14:49
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Alright we have watched Kiki's and working on Ponyo. She's more enthralled with these movies than the Disney movies.
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Apr 30, 2023 14:50
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CherryCola posted:Intellectually I know he’s four and just says whatever come to mind a lot of the time but WHEW I had to leave the room and gather myself for a moment. Happening on the daily with my 2-year-old, for both me and her mom. Her allegiances are all over the place!!! Don't sweat it.
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Apr 30, 2023 17:14
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Also, it usually means they are comfortable enough with you to test you, so it might be opposite of how it makes you feel. My partner and I frequently comment how, if anybody else said some of the stuff that comes out of her mouth, we’d bawl our eyes out. Tiny kids are cruel, but that cruelty comes from a place of love and feeling really close to you. Don’t sweat it.
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Apr 30, 2023 17:47
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Yesterday I asked my daughter to leave me alone for a moment so I could get her brother down for a much-needed nap. A while later she showed up with two notes, one reading "why leave me alone" and the other "I hate you" and she had the biggest grin on her face while delivering them to me
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Apr 30, 2023 18:25
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So my three-year-old is sick right now and the anxiety that comes from being a doctor parent is crippling me. She's been vomiting for three days, it's probably just a stomach bug. Her actual doctor isn't concerned. But my brain is just zeroing in on any potential red flag for a worse problem and it really sucks. How do you cope with sick child anxiety?
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Apr 30, 2023 22:20
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IMO one of the big things you can do for yourself is to just realize that you feel anxiety and to not judge yourself for it. It’s painful (because that’s what it’s supposed to feel like), but it’s even more painful when you become self-critical or anxious about that anxiety. Like yeah you’ll probably jump to the worst case scenario, just be mindful of that and don’t beat yourself up. So yeah you will always feel some anxiety and also you can be there for your daughter, take care of her, spend time with her, and do the best you can do for her. Doing the other half is what makes it feel better. That and like make sure you eat and sleep well. Anxiety feels way worse when you’re tired and haven’t eaten right. You gotta take care of yourself so you can take care of the family.
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May 1, 2023 02:52
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jabby posted:So my three-year-old is sick right now and the anxiety that comes from being a doctor parent is crippling me. It sounds like you’ve engaged the parent part of your brain first, which is good. You showed concern and anxiety and empathy for the well being of your child and took them to a doctor. That part still has a lot of anxiety because having a sick kid sucks, and what if the doctor is wrong??? What do they even know? It sounds like you also happen to be a doctor. Now disable the parent side of your brain temporarily (if possible - it’s a thought exercise). Now engage the doctor side of the brain. What would you do if your coworker brought this sick kid to you? These symptoms, this vomiting, did you go to pediatrician already? You did? What did they say? They did? Alright rest and fluids and observation. The two sides of your brain are getting crossed and causing more stress than either would alone. Both sides are very difficult and cause stress normally. If logicing your way out of it doesn’t work - exercise and do some relaxation meditations (breathing, yoga, sensory input) to bypass your big ole monkey brain and hit yourself in the reptile brain to chill out.
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May 1, 2023 04:29
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Can you do sleep training for naps as well as nighttime? Can you START sleep training on naps or is it better to start at night?
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May 1, 2023 09:08
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I can't see why not, kid doesn't know what time
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May 1, 2023 09:47
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boquiabierta posted:Can you do sleep training for naps as well as nighttime? Can you START sleep training on naps or is it better to start at night? What we did (and what our pediatrician recommended) was make nights work, then naps are easier. After nights worked out, which only took a few days, naps followed quickly with much less crying
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May 1, 2023 11:27
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I looked up some videos on YouTube about how to prevent your toddler from running away on walks and the comments were appalling. “Just break their hand” “spank them” “let them run out into traffic.” Real helpful stuff.
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May 1, 2023 18:55
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So here's a question my partner posed to me on Record Store Day. We both grew up with like little tape players and those fisher price record players. (I'm so mad at myself for getting rid of mine) Basically we were able to, at a pretty young age, hang out by ourselves and play music. What's the equivalent for kids nowadays? Just some kid friendly music app? I told him he should just get kiddo a tape player since all the hipster punks are into tapes again.
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May 1, 2023 19:25
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boquiabierta posted:Can you do sleep training for naps as well as nighttime? Can you START sleep training on naps or is it better to start at night? So nap time went amazingly well and gave me a false sense of confidence. Come bedtime and we’re doing the Ferber method (I think?) — let him cry for five minutes then comfort, then ten minutes and so on. I only made it to ten minutes, he was shuddering from crying so hard and his hair was completely soaked with tears 😭 please reassure me it’ll get better and we’re doing the right thing
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May 1, 2023 19:31
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boquiabierta posted:So nap time went amazingly well and gave me a false sense of confidence. Come bedtime and we’re doing the Ferber method (I think?) — let him cry for five minutes then comfort, then ten minutes and so on. I only made it to ten minutes, he was shuddering from crying so hard and his hair was completely soaked with tears 😭 please reassure me it’ll get better and we’re doing the right thing It absolutely will get better and you are doing the right thing! Just remember that your kid may be momentarily unhappy but they are safe, you still love them, and this is teaching baby the very essential skill of self soothing and going to sleep.
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May 1, 2023 19:35
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CherryCola posted:So here's a question my partner posed to me on Record Store Day. We both grew up with like little tape players and those fisher price record players. (I'm so mad at myself for getting rid of mine) Basically we were able to, at a pretty young age, hang out by ourselves and play music. What's the equivalent for kids nowadays? Just some kid friendly music app? I told him he should just get kiddo a tape player since all the hipster punks are into tapes again. Sister-In-Law went full High Fidelity and put a baby aesthetic record player and a Disney Discography on her baby registry. Their baby will never be allowed to touch any of the devices unsupervised until they're like 28. Fisher Price is gold standard for 0-2 year old music playing devices. The Kick and Play has the best track list of any device that played proprietary music. I wish there was some indestructible brick that had like 4 buttons that would play a sound file, but every thing we have gotten so far has destructed.
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May 1, 2023 19:55
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I like the Tonie but it's pricey. A well-to-do childless friend of ours gave our daughter one for Christmas along with a ton of little characters. "Indestructible brick" is a pretty good way to describe it. I think you can customize them too with other music, ours is mostly Disney movies right now. What's funny to me is it clearly isn't the actual recordings of like, Let It Go etc... I guess that would cost them more.
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May 1, 2023 20:05
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KirbyKhan posted:Fisher Price is gold standard for 0-2 year old music playing devices. The Kick and Play has the best track list of any device that played proprietary music. I love the music on this thing. Wife and I sing the tracks all the time. Found out some of those tracks are streaming also.
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May 1, 2023 20:18
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KirbyKhan posted:Sister-In-Law went full High Fidelity and put a baby aesthetic record player and a Disney Discography on her baby registry. Their baby will never be allowed to touch any of the devices unsupervised until they're like 28. Purple monkey is a banger
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May 1, 2023 20:23
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We have the yoto player and just load music ontheir make-your-own cards. She likes it well enough. My friend has kids that know how to work their Alexa speaker to ask for music they want but we don't have any smart speakers so our kid doesn't have that skill yet.
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May 1, 2023 20:27
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remigious posted:I looked up some videos on YouTube about how to prevent your toddler from running away on walks and the comments were appalling. “Just break their hand” “spank them” “let them run out into traffic.” Real helpful stuff. Well ... Some people learn their lessons late in life, I guess. Youtube comments have been like that since 2012 at least. That's why there are add-ons for every major browser, specifically to disable comments on Youtube.
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May 1, 2023 20:27
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External Organs posted:I like the Tonie but it's pricey. A well-to-do childless friend of ours gave our daughter one for Christmas along with a ton of little characters. Omg it's perfect I love it
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May 1, 2023 20:38
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marchantia posted:We have the yoto player and just load music ontheir make-your-own cards. She likes it well enough. My friend has kids that know how to work their Alexa speaker to ask for music they want but we don't have any smart speakers so our kid doesn't have that skill yet. Okay that looks really neat!
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May 1, 2023 20:41
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CherryCola posted:Okay that looks really neat! We got the mini and it has really decent speakers for the size and holds a charge well. I considered getting the big one if we were going to use it for the bedtime/nightlight features, but we've been really happy with the smaller one.
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May 1, 2023 21:05
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boquiabierta posted:So nap time went amazingly well and gave me a false sense of confidence. Come bedtime and we’re doing the Ferber method (I think?) — let him cry for five minutes then comfort, then ten minutes and so on. I only made it to ten minutes, he was shuddering from crying so hard and his hair was completely soaked with tears 😭 please reassure me it’ll get better and we’re doing the right thing It will get better. It's miserable at first for you and the kid. We did it kind of late, ours was like 14 months old. Once she stopped screaming and crying and stress-vomiting, she would just sit down upright in her crib and stare at the door. We watched on the baby monitor as she would doze off, jerk herself awake, and resume watch. It was painful. After about a week something just clicked for her and she started to lay down right away and go to sleep. Or she'd lie on her back and babble to herself until she closed her eyes. It was very peaceful in the end, but it sure was a journey to get there.
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May 1, 2023 21:38
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We’ve been using the yoto as well and it’s pretty great. It’s extremely durable and is showing no wear after two+ years of toddlers.
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May 1, 2023 21:39
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Yes re: sleep training, it was so hard for me to do but it was also such a sanity saver. I am a better parent with at least semi-decent sleep and sleep deprivation in kids is no good either. It is going to be rough at first but it really really does get easier. It's really important to stick with it though otherwise the crying was all for nothing! If you (and every other caregiver in the house) aren't ready to stick with it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not sleep training or waiting until you feel like you are really really ready. As far as starting with naps vs nighttime, we focused during the day (as much as we could because I was working then) on getting a nap schedule that would set her up for success at bedtime. Look into age appropriate wake windows and sort of work backwards from what you want for bedtime for nap timing so that they aren't going to be massively overtired going into bedtime. We rocked and did whatever was needed to get her to sleep for naps at first and got our bedtime routine locked down, then did Ferber (probably modified a bit, I don't think we went longer than 10 mins without checking in). Once she started to get the hang of bedtime we started fading out the amount of rocking to sleep needed for naps. To be honest, I think I always rocked her to sleep during the day which probably isn't standard recommendations, but she seemed to get that bedtime and naptime were different routines. She always kinda wailed and fussed 5-10 mins at bedtime even when she was fully "trained" and then sorta rolled over and went to sleep. Not a question you asked but just additional info I remember is that I always did a "dream feed" around 10pm when I went to bed where I pulled her out of her crib and fed her a bottle without totally waking her up and rocked her a bit after to make sure she was totally conked and put her back down. I think then we did Ferber checks on any night wakings she had before ~2am or so and then if she woke up after 2, she got another bottle. Then she would wake up around 6 if I'm remembering correctly? She dropped that 2-3am wakeup on her own and I kept up with the dream feed probably longer than she needed it because it was part of the routine and I didn't want to change it up. GOOD LUCK
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May 1, 2023 21:57
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Dream feed routine is so god damned comfortable and peaceful, I too kept it going a little bit past the milestone where it was "necessary".
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May 1, 2023 22:02
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KirbyKhan posted:Dream feed routine is so god damned comfortable and peaceful, I too kept it going a little bit past the milestone where it was "necessary". Definitely same, I think I sort of sleep trained myself into having quiet baby snuggles as part of my bedtime routine for a while. 
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May 1, 2023 22:36
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Regarding cutesy musical instruments with simple interfaces: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chompiclub/chompi-a-magical-tape-music-instrument It’s prohibitively expensive to be a kids toy, though, but if you’re Elon Musk….. you probably don’t care about your kids anyways.
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May 1, 2023 22:43
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CherryCola posted:Okay that looks really neat! I have a yoto player too and my kid loves it
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May 1, 2023 22:47
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Chiming in as another yoto person. The ability to make up the little music cards is so cool and the machine is super durable and simple. It even has a little radio show just for kids. We got the bigger one and don't regret it.
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May 2, 2023 00:45
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Really feeling the parental anxiety re: sick kids. We had our 2 month checkup for the newborn with microtia, and The pediatrician wanted us to get an ultrasound for her sacral dimple, which is probably nothing but could also have a range of implications. Her latch devolved from being excellent to being shallow and now we have to pay more attention to weight and feedings. She also got her 2 month vaccines and is a grumpy little bean. On the plus side, this weekend is the first weekend we’ve watched hey duggie, and these ‘uhhhh awoooof woofs’ are cracking me and my toddler up.
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May 2, 2023 01:05
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Today my daughter was the saddest I’ve ever seen her and it broke my heart. I had gotten two helium balloons from a fundraiser and had them in the car to surprise the kids when I picked them up from daycare. It is extremely windy today, like 30mph with even stronger gusts. She saw the balloons from outside the car and was so excited that there was a purple one. I opened the car doors just as a huge gust of wind hit and it sucked the balloons out and way up into the sky before I even knew what happened. She’s never cried so hard and genuinely distraught before. So we zoomed on over to a store to buy some new balloons. Fortunately they chose some small not helium ones on sticks so they survived the trip home. Now the kids are having a blast hitting each other in the face with them. Oh man those tears…
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May 2, 2023 01:54
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poo poo, I'd be right there next to her crying too.
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May 2, 2023 02:06
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Re: sleep training, you also don’t have to do it if it doesn’t feel like it’s working for you. Your kids will still eventually sleep fine on their own if you decide to delay until they’re older. Ferber or other sleep training is NOT a required part of child rearing. It can be effective and work for families, but like it’s also fine if it’s not for you or your kids.
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May 2, 2023 04:08
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cailleask posted:Re: sleep training, you also don’t have to do it if it doesn’t feel like it’s working for you. Your kids will still eventually sleep fine on their own if you decide to delay until they’re older. Agree with this completely.
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May 2, 2023 04:22
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cailleask posted:Re: sleep training, you also don’t have to do it if it doesn’t feel like it’s working for you. Your kids will still eventually sleep fine on their own if you decide to delay until they’re older. Agreed. Ferber didn't work on my first until he was nearly eighteen months old. He just couldn't settle and would cry until he threw up, and going in to check on him made things so much worse. But like, it worked eventually and he's a happy snuggly bouncy hyperactive toddler kid now.
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May 2, 2023 13:23
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thunderdome winner