Midnight Voyager posted:

You might want a separate bed from your gf. I know you might want to sleep in the same bed as her, but it sounds like you'd both have more comfortable beds if you weren't having to half-way your mattress for each other.

Remulak posted:

WRT big guy beds, vaguely knew a couple of former pro football players, they would do bouncer stuff on the weekends at the bar I worked at. They both talked about their waterbeds and how awesome they were.

I hope I contributed something.

kimbo305 posted:

He expects the average Redditor to have the average cop’s investigative skills.

Elviscat posted:

I'm about 275 at 6'4, I'm a big muscular guy, and obviously overweight on top of that, I'm also a side-sleeper. I have the exact same problem as OP where I crush the mattress, which is about a year old, properly set up on the recommended base. The mattress springs back pretty quick when we rotate it to my GF's side, and the foot portion doesn't get as hosed up as where my hips and shoulder lay. It's not a bargain-basement mattress, but it's on the cheaper end. I'm down about 15 lbs over the last year, but ~230 is my minimum and just over what I wrestled at in high school when I was doing an hour+ of cardio every day, and that's heavy enough to destroy mattresses too.

Anyways, anyone have recommendations for mattresses built for men of heft? My loving back is killing me.

quote:

My husband Tom got into a business crisi and we've lost our apartment. We moved in with my sister Ella and her husband Noah. Their kids are nearly the same age as mine (we have 2 girls <7 & 5 yo). My girls share a room with their cousins (also girls) since Tom didn't want the girls sleeping with us in the guests room.

Everything was going well, until Tom spoke to me about what Noah does with his kids and that's reading them a bedtime story every night before they went to sleep. I was confused and asked what the problem was and he said that Noah does it while our daughters are in the room (during bedtime so all kids are all obviously in bed) and he (Tom) didn't want our daughters to ask why we don't do the same for them. I asked what we should do and he asked if I could speak with Noah or Ella and ask them to stop doing this until we're out of the house. Now tbh, I wasn't convinced by his argument til he talked about how this might affect how our daughters see and think of us seeing that we don't read them bedtime stories because we simply don't think it's that essential for us as parents to do. Tom also believes that bedtime stories habit is a waste of time and affects kids' slerping habits.

So I spoke with Noah and he got sort of annoyed and suggested that he read to my girls as well but Tom refused and considered this as "Noah trying to parent for him". I thanked Noah for his offer but asked again if he'd consider our request. He called me and Tom unreasonable and said that my nieces are used to this story reading habits and he won't change it nomatter what. I took this up with Ella and she berated me saying that me and Tom were out of line and that we were being ridiculous and controlling. I tried to have a calm conversation with her but she kept giving ne the cold shoulder. We had another argument this morning and she said I could have the girls sleep with me and their dad but Tom says it's not an option. In my opinion, it's not really that big of a deal since it wan't like we're asking Noah to not read stories to the kids ever again, it's just temporarily til we leave.

On another note, I do think Tom is being unreasonable refusing to let the girls move to the guests room.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for asking my BIL to stop reading bedtime stories to his kids until me, my husband, and the kids leave?

Foo Diddley posted:

please stop showing my kids what a lovely parent i am

blight rhino posted:

-derail was finally ended. scusa

quote:

My BIL(45m) has a timeshare in Hawaii and invited all of us to go. That’s me (36f), my husband (35m) my mother (61f), my boys (14m, 12m, 6m) plus their family (my sister (26f) and their daughter (2f).

My mother has MS and it has gotten worse over the last year. I am her main caregiver and chauffeur. I don’t mind any of this obviously. It’s what you do. My sister had a difficult bout with postpartum and is not handling motherhood very well. My niece can be needy so I often take her off my sister’s hands.

Needless to say, when offered this all expenses paid trip, I was psyched. I needed the vacay badly! My husband is a surgical resident and realized that he wouldn’t be able to go for the full 10 days but would make it for a weekend.

One night we were all at my sister’s house planning the trip and hubby asked about accommodations for mom, which then turned into a conversation about sharing the responsibility of caring for mom while we’re there (helping her get in and out of cars, getting dressed, etc). BIL said that since I’m used to it the most, it’s only natural I manage mom’s care. Plus, my sister will be dealing with my niece. And he says that the boys shouldn’t be put to work on their vacay.

My husband defended me that it’s unfair to put it all on me as it’s a vacation for everyone. I suggested we hire a caregiver to accompany us. Bil agreed but only if me and hubby pay for it.

We went home and I told my husband that I’m not going but the boys can still go. He said that was probably for the best, and he’ll still take those days off and we’ll have a staycation.

Well, he told my sister and bil, and they are not happy. They think I’m ungrateful, and it’s really rude for me to pawn my sons off on them to spite them. My sister thinks I’m punishing her for not being present in mom’s care all along. Btw, my mother feels thrown in the middle and won’t take sides.

So reddit aita?

Coca Koala posted:

On the invites, specify that children are mandatory. They don’t need to be yours, but each guest and +1 needs to have a child accompanying them at all times.

Foo Diddley posted:

"it's just until we leave," say the people who have no means of leaving

so in a situation like this, how long do you wait before you start making demands of the people who are hosting you for free, like what's the etiquette here? i'm thinking you start with small demands as you're unpacking and then work your way up. demanding changes in someone's parenting style shouldn't happen until at least the day after you arrive

Foo Diddley posted:

"it's just until we leave," say the people who have no means of leaving

so in a situation like this, how long do you wait before you start making demands of the people who are hosting you for free, like what's the etiquette here? i'm thinking you start with small demands as you're unpacking and then work your way up. demanding changes in someone's parenting style shouldn't happen until at least the day after you arrive

quote:

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I used to go to school with contacted me the other day and asked if I could help her secure a job at the company I work for. While normally I would be more than happy to help a former classmate, this woman was not particularly nice to me during our time in school. I can't help but feel hesitant about using my professional connections to assist someone who did not treat me kindly in the past. However, I also heard through the grapevine that this woman is currently going through a divorce. I don't know any of the details surrounding her situation, but I do know how difficult it can be to navigate the job market during tough times. I feel a pang of empathy for someone who might be struggling. What would you recommend I do in this situation? -- Former Classmate


DEAR FORMER CLASSMATE: It is fine to have empathy, but don’t forget the past. Find out if you can meet up with this woman to talk to her, either in person or on a video chat. It would be great to see her face when you talk. Ask her about her life. See what she chooses to divulge. Find out her qualifications. If you are to connect her with your employer, you want to make sure that she is a viable candidate. Your reputation will be on the line when you make that connection.

But before connecting her, bring up the elephant in the room. Remind her that when you knew each other in school, she was unkind to you. Tell her you are surprised that she would reach out, but since she has, you think this past behavior needs to be addressed before you move forward. Make her accountable for her actions. How she responds to all of it should determine whether you open the door for her potential entry into your company.

MrQwerty posted:

I wonder if the "business crisis" is "Tom got fired for being an rear end in a top hat"

trickybiscuits posted:

If you're not certain about getting someone a job in your field it's a no. It's not that complicated.

trickybiscuits posted:

If you're not certain about getting someone a job in your field it's a no. It's not that complicated.

Elviscat posted:

It's super lame! It's 2023 and no one I know is even pretending to do any "traditional" no sex before marriage or non-cohabitation or church weddings anymore, but they're still all doing the white dress thing.

My SIL wore a bright red satin dress when she married my brother (her second marriage), and it was awesome, the vest on his tux matched and contrasted with our (the groomsmen's) white satin vests and made for amazing photos. Side benefit was a really nice dress was $200 instead of $2,000.

Cloacamazing! posted:

She doesn't mention how long it's been since they last saw each other, but clearly long enough for the other woman to have gotten married and divorced. And they knew each other in school. Just say "I don't feel like we know each other well enough for me to recommend you."

quote:

Okay, the title sounds pretty silly, but I'm seriously frustrated.

My neighbors garden is covered in dandelions. I don't mean many dandelions, I mean so many yellow flowers and white dandelion puffs that you can barely see the ground underneath- literally covered in dandelions. I'm an avid gardener who enjoys gardening and planting over the summer, and as you can imagine, this has been a nightmare for me. It's hard enough to stay on top of dandelions when your neighbor isn't waging biological warfare on you with thousands of little dandelion seeds landing in your lawn constantly. On top of all of that, I'm somewhat allergic, and I can barely step out my front door anymore without my nose dripping a waterfall of snot, stuffy nose and my eyes watering.

I tried to use dandelion sprays on my lawns and just pulling them out when I see them- it barely worked.

I tried talking to my neighbor and asking them to maybe take care of their garden a little bit- I even offered to do it for them, free of charge. They declined.

I tried reporting the issue, but nothing came of it- I guess weed control laws aren't heavily enforced.

At this point, I feel like pulling out all the dandelions myself, or at least spraying some sort of killer on their lawn to see if it helps, because I can't deal with this anymore.

WIBTA?

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Thundering fatass reporting in, can confirm my waterbed was *goddamn amazing* and I miss it.

It didn't burst, but several years of wear (the mattress was -just ever so slightly- too big for the frame we'd built our drat selves, which 20 years later is still sturdy) wore a hole in it somewhere and it started leaking. Which led us to realize we did not think it through completely because my bed is -very- low to the ground, meaning that gravity draining it was... not an option. We had to get a drill-powered pump and drain that sucker manually and let me tell you, that is not an adventure we wish to repeat. So now I use a partially memory foam mattress.

Evil Willow posted:

WIBTA for spraying/pulling out my neighbors dandelions

Elviscat posted:

I've been in this position a lot since becoming a hiring manager, it's always people I would never dream of hiring or recommending other hire.

Elviscat posted:

Dandelions are awesome, nutritious, and altogether a pretty attractive plant. Perfectly manicured lawns are a blight on the planet. I also don't believe that it's illegal to grow dandelions because of "weed control laws", whereas trespassing is a crime in AFAIK pretty much everywhere.

quote:

I (F 22) and my husband (M 22) have 2 beautiful kids (F 5 and M 1) who are the best part of my life. I got pregnant with my first baby at 17 and moved in with my husband and his family at 18. My daughter looks a lot like me, and people have always commented on how similar we look. My mother in law has always supported me and has been such a huge help with the kids.

I am half asian (My father was Japanese and Korean mix) yet many people have no idea until i tell them as I am white passing. I have always introduced myself as a European because I am not in touch with my asian heritage, and also because my father is not part of my life anymore and I don't like to talk about him. My mother in law knows this and my race thank fully isn't important to her.

However, as my daughter is getting older is it getting very clear she is part asian. She has small, sharp eyes and tan skin. Of course, she is beautiful and nothing about her looks worries us since we knew there would be a chance her asian genes would "shine through" however my mother in law has commented a few times that she might not be my husbands as before him I always had a thing for asian men.

About a week ago, my mother in law made a large dinner and invited us over to eat. She sat our entire family (children included) down at the dining table and asked if we would be able to do a paternity test to find out about my daughters heritage. I told my mother in law that she was part Korean, part Japanese and part german thinking nothing of it, but my mother in law asked me if I was sure and then said my daughter looks "too Chinese." I was shocked and asked my mother in law what she meant, and it was then my mother in law told me that she didn't think the baby was my husbands and that she wanted to do a DNA test to make sure.

She said this right in front of my daughter who is smart enough to know what is going on, and immediately started asking questions. I was furious and called out my mother in law for being rude and embarrassing me and then told her I has nothing to prove and if she didn't think her granddaughter was hers she didn't have to be in her life.

My husband and I left straight away and have not contacted her since, but my father in law has been coming to our door, telling us we overreacted and if I would just take the test this would all be over but I feel that would affect my pride as not just a person, but as a wife and mother.

So, Am I the rear end in a top hat?

EDIT:

I would just like people to know that although my Mother in law has been very harsh recently, throughout my time with her she has been very kind and loving and please only judge her as what is happening here (overall she is a great person). Also she is NOT a racist and the problem is not because she is un-happy with me or my daughters race.

ApplesandOranges posted:

A decent fence or greenhouse would keep out most of the seeds, right? If you're offering to spend I don't know how much to garden their dandelion army for free, then you could probably invest in a small covered area for a garden.

If it's an allergy thing, well it kinda blows but it's their garden and if the authorities aren't going to make them handle it then it's kind of out of your hands.

Desert Bus posted:

No just go "oh this person sucked" and then block them and move on with your life. You don't owe them a response in any situation.

Mx. posted:

AITA for refusing to do a paternity test.

Cacator posted:

Pirate Radar posted:

So is the mother in law also Asian and doing some intra-Asian racism here?

NGDBSS posted:

It absolutely sounds like the wife and her boss are in a relationship, yes. Which is something to be worried about, but not because of the trial separation but instead because he's her boss and there's an inherent power imbalance going on here.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Also all of them, of any gender, have to be flower girls.