i'm an over 50 ex-con new to the internet. teach me your ways

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > i'm an over 50 ex-con new to the internet. teach me your ways

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Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

Did you work today? Was it a full day? Or are they closed on Sundays?

I got a lot of questions but the real important one is...

Have you stuck it to the man yet by pooping on company time?

# ? Jun 5, 2023 00:05

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 26, 2024 14:18

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

Stefan Prodan posted:

haha what if we were being nice to someone for nothing man we would look so fuckin stupid!!

it's one thing if people were sending tons of money or something but I mean I don't think anyone should feel owned about sending good vibe posts at no cost if this ends up being fake

yeah but then people wouldn't get to 0wn their posting enemies

# ? Jun 5, 2023 00:07

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

Two things some goons just can�t understand:
1.) being nice to people
2.) kayfabe

# ? Jun 5, 2023 00:23

Lolie: Jun 4, 2010; AUSGBS Thread Mum

ReelBigLizard posted:

Yeah they're either deaf or not. I saw something that said it was roughly 66% or so we're deaf from birth. I looked it up because our white blue eyed cat has incredible hearing.

It's not inevitable in blue eyed white cats, just more likely than not.

quote:

Researchers found that only 17 to 22 percent of white cats with non-blue eyes are born deaf. The percentage rises to 40 percent if the cat has one blue eye, while upwards of 65 to 85 percent of all-white cats with both eyes blue are deaf. Some of these cats are deaf in only one ear. Interestingly, if a white cat with one blue eye is deaf in only one ear, that ear will invariably be on the same side of the head as the blue eye.

https://www.vet.cornell.edu/departm...e%20are%20deaf.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 01:14

OB-GYN Kenobi: Dec 4, 2017

MarcusSA posted:

Goons are also doing a very good job helping dude keep his story straight.

Or just pointing out how stupid some are for not actually reading the thread.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 01:35

isaboo: Nov 11, 2002; Muay Buok
ขอให้โชคดี

I'm harveys zoo zoos

# ? Jun 5, 2023 02:35

harveys zoo zoos: May 23, 2023

isaboo posted:

I'm harveys zoo zoos

it's true

# ? Jun 5, 2023 02:37

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

No I'm ~~Sparticus~~ Harvey zoo zoos

# ? Jun 5, 2023 02:41

Ass-penny: Jan 18, 2008

I am Harvey zoo zoo's and I totally owned you all so hard out of your hard won good vibes :boom:

# ? Jun 5, 2023 02:48

isaboo: Nov 11, 2002; Muay Buok
ขอให้โชคดี

I'm posting this at Harvey's request.

This may get some hate, I don't know, but gently caress the haters.

I'm the voice of forums poster harveys zoo zoos.

I've known the real "Harvey" since I was 12 and he was 10 years old. His family moved away after his real Dad died, but we stayed in touch and would visit each other during our summer breaks from school. I wrote to him while he was incarcerated and visited when I could.

The crime he committed was similar to the one described in this thread - a murder done to avenge someone very close to him who suffered a great deal at the hands of someone the victim trusted. So in that respect, if you feel the murder of 'Harvey's' stepdad was justified, I can assure you that you'd find the real crime justified as well. He got the same kind of sentence described here, too.

When he was released he had a rough time. The halfway house he went to wasn't a good environment for him and made his attempt at integration back into society even more difficult than it would have been otherwise. We reconnected and I went to visit him at his mother's home.

There, he told me many of the same things that are in this thread and some things that aren't. I asked him a million questions about his life inside and he always answered truthfully and fully. His story is amazing and I asked him how he felt about sharing it. At first, we thought about me writing a fictional account of it based on his experiences. But, as some of you may be aware from the stories I've posted in GBS, I'm not a good writer. So, we thought of something else.

He's fascinated by technology and especially the internet. In our talks he asked things about how the world has changed, and asked how hard it would be for him to catch up. So, I had the idea to set SA loose on him, under my guidance. I've been here long enough to have a good idea how goons would respond. I expected some jokes, shitposting, and all the other SA-isms and warned him of those but I was confident goons would give him some great information and advice. There are so many different people here on SA, with so many varied interests, that I could see y'all coming out of niche subforums to expose Harvey to subjects I wouldn't have thought of.

Another motivation for this was to raise awareness of just how bad the American prison system is. Other people in the system have fared much worse than Harvey. It's a loving nightmare inside. Even if only a few people have learned something, it has been worth it.

He liked the idea but was hesitant at first so I had him poke around the forums to decide if it was a place he'd like to learn more about. After a couple of months of lurking, he was ready.

So I created the account and started the thread. We felt that letting y'all drive the thread, by asking questions, was a better way than just posting walls of text. I told him we'd bail soon if the thread wasn't supportive.

All of the questions harveys zoo zoos posted came from "Harvey".

Some of the answers came from me after research, but were driven by Harvey. Most of the answers, though, he either texted or told to me over the phone. For a lot of them he was right next to me, typing them on my computer.

Once the thread got mentioned on Twitter, Harvey got a bit nervous and almost decided to leave. But since the repsonse was overwhelmingly positive, he chilled out.

Cousin Todd does exist and helps Harvey out, but has never posted here. I just used that as an opportunity to explain how Harvey found SA. At first we never intended for me to say anything about my involvement, but at this point I thought we should.

Harvey's had his fill of SA for now, or at least in this thread. I think he wants to take a break from talking about this stuff and I can't say I blame him. And, he's starting his new job so he'll have less time to spend here.

Now he has his own, curated by goons encylopedia of modern internet life. I think I might organize the links and such by category in a self-hosted wiki for him. I've got a couple of ideas.

In case you're wondering, the "cyber prison for weirdos" and "cum town sounds like the prison shower" posts are 100% pure and unadulterated Harvey. The cum town one slayed me over the phone.

Most importantly the cat adoption is 100% real.

Harvey has a fantastic sense of humor despite his life, and that's one of the things that makes him a joy to be around. He's a genuinely humble person and full of hard-earned wisdom.

So now Harvey has a community of people that genuinely seem to care about his future and well being. He'll continue to post on his own, I'm sure. I don't know if he'll take over the harveys zoo zoos account or register one of his own later, but he did say he wants be a part of the community.

Y'all didn't disappoint us. Y'all are good people.

And as Harvey says every time we hang up after talking, "Be kind to yourself. Have a great day and a better tomorrow."

Thanks for being nice to my friend.

Now go get 'em, Harvey.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 02:52

Papa Was A Video Toaster: Jan 9, 2011

no, it was me

# ? Jun 5, 2023 02:58

harveys zoo zoos: May 23, 2023

isaboo posted:

I'm posting this at Harvey's request.

This may get some hate, I don't know, but gently caress the haters.

I'm the voice of forums poster harveys zoo zoos.

I've known the real "Harvey" since I was 12 and he was 10 years old. His family moved away after his real Dad died, but we stayed in touch and would visit each other during our summer breaks from school. I wrote to him while he was incarcerated and visited when I could.

The crime he committed was similar to the one described in this thread - a murder done to avenge someone very close to him who suffered a great deal at the hands of someone the victim trusted. So in that respect, if you feel the murder of 'Harvey's' stepdad was justified, I can assure you that you'd find the real crime justified as well. He got the same kind of sentence described here, too.

When he was released he had a rough time. The halfway house he went to wasn't a good environment for him and made his attempt at integration back into society even more difficult than it would have been otherwise. We reconnected and I went to visit him at his mother's home.

There, he told me many of the same things that are in this thread and some things that aren't. I asked him a million questions about his life inside and he always answered truthfully and fully. His story is amazing and I asked him how he felt about sharing it. At first, we thought about me writing a fictional account of it based on his experiences. But, as some of you may be aware from the stories I've posted in GBS, I'm not a good writer. So, we thought of something else.

He's fascinated by technology and especially the internet. In our talks he asked things about how the world has changed, and asked how hard it would be for him to catch up. So, I had the idea to set SA loose on him, under my guidance. I've been here long enough to have a good idea how goons would respond. I expected some jokes, shitposting, and all the other SA-isms and warned him of those but I was confident goons would give him some great information and advice. There are so many different people here on SA, with so many varied interests, that I could see y'all coming out of niche subforums to expose Harvey to subjects I wouldn't have thought of.

Another motivation for this was to raise awareness of just how bad the American prison system is. Other people in the system have fared much worse than Harvey. It's a loving nightmare inside. Even if only a few people have learned something, it has been worth it.

He liked the idea but was hesitant at first so I had him poke around the forums to decide if it was a place he'd like to learn more about. After a couple of months of lurking, he was ready.

So I created the account and started the thread. We felt that letting y'all drive the thread, by asking questions, was a better way than just posting walls of text. I told him we'd bail soon if the thread wasn't supportive.

All of the questions harveys zoo zoos posted came from "Harvey".

Some of the answers came from me after research, but were driven by Harvey. Most of the answers, though, he either texted or told to me over the phone. For a lot of them he was right next to me, typing them on my computer.

Once the thread got mentioned on Twitter, Harvey got a bit nervous and almost decided to leave. But since the repsonse was overwhelmingly positive, he chilled out.

Cousin Todd does exist and helps Harvey out, but has never posted here. I just used that as an opportunity to explain how Harvey found SA. At first we never intended for me to say anything about my involvement, but at this point I thought we should.

Harvey's had his fill of SA for now, or at least in this thread. I think he wants to take a break from talking about this stuff and I can't say I blame him. And, he's starting his new job so he'll have less time to spend here.

Now he has his own, curated by goons encylopedia of modern internet life. I think I might organize the links and such by category in a self-hosted wiki for him. I've got a couple of ideas.

In case you're wondering, the "cyber prison for weirdos" and "cum town sounds like the prison shower" posts are 100% pure and unadulterated Harvey. The cum town one slayed me over the phone.

Most importantly the cat adoption is 100% real.

Harvey has a fantastic sense of humor despite his life, and that's one of the things that makes him a joy to be around. He's a genuinely humble person and full of hard-earned wisdom.

So now Harvey has a community of people that genuinely seem to care about his future and well being. He'll continue to post on his own, I'm sure. I don't know if he'll take over the harveys zoo zoos account or register one of his own later, but he did say he wants be a part of the community.

Y'all didn't disappoint us. Y'all are good people.

And as Harvey says every time we hang up after talking, "Be kind to yourself. Have a great day and a better tomorrow."

Thanks for being nice to my friend.

Now go get 'em, Harvey.

this is all true.

and thank you, goons, for being nice and teaching me a few things. i really do appreciate it. i'll be seeing you around

oh and if any of you want to help people like me, look into donating to an ex-con support org. i won't suggest any, i'll leave that up to you. but i'd say one of the pet support groups, art and music support groups and stuff like that would be cool. i'm sure they're underfunded. or just a soup kitchen somewhere ex-cons frequent. i don't know.

harveys zoo zoos fucked around with this message at 03:08 on Jun 5, 2023

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:02

cumpantry: Dec 18, 2020

no no you shouldve quoted him and wrote "didnt read lol". but youll learn harvey

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:11

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:11

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Right.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:13

Cojawfee: May 31, 2006; I think the US is dumb for not using Celsius

Welp

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:14

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

i was this guys cellmate. he's lying

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:19

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

TLDR I did a murder and all I got was this lame thread

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:34

Autisanal Cheese: Nov 29, 2010

isaboo posted:

I'm the ~~voice of~~ author behind forums poster harveys zoo zoos.

great dude next time you want to try writing fiction I suggest the Thunderdome

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:35

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

goldmine + sticky

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:36

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

isaboo posted:

I'm posting this at Harvey's request.

This may get some hate, I don't know, but gently caress the haters.

I'm the voice of forums poster harveys zoo zoos.

I've known the real "Harvey" since I was 12 and he was 10 years old. His family moved away after his real Dad died, but we stayed in touch and would visit each other during our summer breaks from school. I wrote to him while he was incarcerated and visited when I could.

The crime he committed was similar to the one described in this thread - a murder done to avenge someone very close to him who suffered a great deal at the hands of someone the victim trusted. So in that respect, if you feel the murder of 'Harvey's' stepdad was justified, I can assure you that you'd find the real crime justified as well. He got the same kind of sentence described here, too.

When he was released he had a rough time. The halfway house he went to wasn't a good environment for him and made his attempt at integration back into society even more difficult than it would have been otherwise. We reconnected and I went to visit him at his mother's home.

There, he told me many of the same things that are in this thread and some things that aren't. I asked him a million questions about his life inside and he always answered truthfully and fully. His story is amazing and I asked him how he felt about sharing it. At first, we thought about me writing a fictional account of it based on his experiences. But, as some of you may be aware from the stories I've posted in GBS, I'm not a good writer. So, we thought of something else.

He's fascinated by technology and especially the internet. In our talks he asked things about how the world has changed, and asked how hard it would be for him to catch up. So, I had the idea to set SA loose on him, under my guidance. I've been here long enough to have a good idea how goons would respond. I expected some jokes, shitposting, and all the other SA-isms and warned him of those but I was confident goons would give him some great information and advice. There are so many different people here on SA, with so many varied interests, that I could see y'all coming out of niche subforums to expose Harvey to subjects I wouldn't have thought of.

Another motivation for this was to raise awareness of just how bad the American prison system is. Other people in the system have fared much worse than Harvey. It's a loving nightmare inside. Even if only a few people have learned something, it has been worth it.

He liked the idea but was hesitant at first so I had him poke around the forums to decide if it was a place he'd like to learn more about. After a couple of months of lurking, he was ready.

So I created the account and started the thread. We felt that letting y'all drive the thread, by asking questions, was a better way than just posting walls of text. I told him we'd bail soon if the thread wasn't supportive.

All of the questions harveys zoo zoos posted came from "Harvey".

Some of the answers came from me after research, but were driven by Harvey. Most of the answers, though, he either texted or told to me over the phone. For a lot of them he was right next to me, typing them on my computer.

Once the thread got mentioned on Twitter, Harvey got a bit nervous and almost decided to leave. But since the repsonse was overwhelmingly positive, he chilled out.

Cousin Todd does exist and helps Harvey out, but has never posted here. I just used that as an opportunity to explain how Harvey found SA. At first we never intended for me to say anything about my involvement, but at this point I thought we should.

Harvey's had his fill of SA for now, or at least in this thread. I think he wants to take a break from talking about this stuff and I can't say I blame him. And, he's starting his new job so he'll have less time to spend here.

Now he has his own, curated by goons encylopedia of modern internet life. I think I might organize the links and such by category in a self-hosted wiki for him. I've got a couple of ideas.

In case you're wondering, the "cyber prison for weirdos" and "cum town sounds like the prison shower" posts are 100% pure and unadulterated Harvey. The cum town one slayed me over the phone.

Most importantly the cat adoption is 100% real.

Harvey has a fantastic sense of humor despite his life, and that's one of the things that makes him a joy to be around. He's a genuinely humble person and full of hard-earned wisdom.

So now Harvey has a community of people that genuinely seem to care about his future and well being. He'll continue to post on his own, I'm sure. I don't know if he'll take over the harveys zoo zoos account or register one of his own later, but he did say he wants be a part of the community.

Y'all didn't disappoint us. Y'all are good people.

And as Harvey says every time we hang up after talking, "Be kind to yourself. Have a great day and a better tomorrow."

Thanks for being nice to my friend.

Now go get 'em, Harvey.

harveys zoo zoos posted:

this is all true.

and thank you, goons, for being nice and teaching me a few things. i really do appreciate it. i'll be seeing you around

oh and if any of you want to help people like me, look into donating to an ex-con support org. i won't suggest any, i'll leave that up to you. but i'd say one of the pet support groups, art and music support groups and stuff like that would be cool. i'm sure they're underfunded. or just a soup kitchen somewhere ex-cons frequent. i don't know.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:38

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

im permabanned poster harveystomper58. i first started reading gbs when i was about 40. by 50 i got really obsessed with the concept of "prison" and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like ""cum town sounds like the prison shower" and "curated by goons encylopedia of modern internet life. I think I might organize the links and such by category in a self-hosted wiki for him." in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of "ironic" style of GBS humor was all about; i think it's the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who "get" GBS to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to being a pathological liar. peace.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:50

Tungsten: Aug 10, 2004; Your Working Boy

you're no hakan

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:55

TrashMammal: Nov 10, 2022

16-bit Butt-Head posted:

im permabanned poster harveystomper58. i first started reading gbs when i was about 40. by 50 i got really obsessed with the concept of "prison" and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like ""cum town sounds like the prison shower" and "curated by goons encylopedia of modern internet life. I think I might organize the links and such by category in a self-hosted wiki for him." in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of "ironic" style of GBS humor was all about; i think it's the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who "get" GBS to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to being a pathological liar. peace.

Dick Fontaine posted:

Two things some goons just can�t understand:
1.) being nice to people
2.) kayfabe

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:56

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

Getting kicked in the metaphorical balls once again by a GBS bait and switch

Who could have ever seen it coming.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 03:58

The Bible: May 8, 2010

Well I'm just going to be a huge rear end in a top hat to everyone now.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:02

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

Oh
On May 26 I think it was I decided Harvey was Bust Rodd after I looked up the thread he made about his convict brother who got out.

Lots of similarities. Here's that thread

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3902146
I didn't post because I didn't want to get poo poo on

I knew it would come out in the end

I was very close

Spinz fucked around with this message at 04:12 on Jun 5, 2023

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:09

16-bit Butt-Head: Dec 25, 2014

bust con

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:10

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

I thought cousin Todd was a little too on the nose though, and was surprised no one had said anything

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:13

Cat Hassler: Feb 7, 2006; Slippery Tilde

What the gently caress?

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:14

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

I�m cousin todd

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:15

Stefan Prodan: Jan 7, 2002; I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you *Mrs* Buck Turgidson!; Grimey Drawer

don't even know how I would handle it if harvey was bust rodd lmao

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:15

Wendigee: Jul 19, 2004

I'm cousin todd

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:16

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

Stefan Prodan posted:

don't even know how I would handle it if harvey was bust rodd lmao

I thought it was fabulous revenge lol

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:17

Famethrowa: Oct 5, 2012

isaboo posted:

I don't know but prison, and especially a lengthy sentence like the OP got, is something none of us here can really relate to. I've heard wild stories from ex-cons I've known and popular media has some hosed up true prison tales too. But anyway I'm here for the ride and it's good so far.

no way man you dont say

# ? Jun 5, 2023 04:18