When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > When Footballers Go Feral: big Tom givin a horse a handbeezy

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ephex: Nov 4, 2007; PHWOAR CRIMINAL

pik_d posted:

https://twitter.com/nocontextfooty/status/1664732128855089154

Please, please, please, please.

# ? Jun 3, 2023 07:39

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# ? May 29, 2024 10:09

hadji murad: Apr 18, 2006

Multimillion dollar frauds sounds like a lot of Chelsea players tbh

# ? Jun 3, 2023 09:45

greazeball: Feb 4, 2003

hadji murad posted:

Multimillion dollar frauds sounds like a lot of Chelsea players tbh

lmao

# ? Jun 3, 2023 09:57

Shrapnig: Jan 21, 2005

Thanks Ants posted:

Why are they called the Wrexham Red Dragons, is this just for the TST event

It�s for the event. 46 year old Lee Trundle scored 4 goals

# ? Jun 3, 2023 10:19

JollyBoyJohn: Feb 13, 2019; For Real!

Crazy Ted posted:

I seriously have no idea why this mini-tournament exists, or what its purpose is, or who its target market is, or why you would want to watch any of it.

That's no way to talk about the FA cup

# ? Jun 3, 2023 10:37

FullLeatherJacket: Dec 30, 2004; Chiunque pu� essere Luther Blissett, semplicemente adottando il nome Luther Blissett

to be fair, a 46-year-old Lee Trundle is probably the worst possible opponent in a five-a-side game

I think I told this story before, but one of my mates (who was in the RAF and fancied himself as a decent player) got bought into a charity event that was half fans who'd paid and half club legends, and us all cackling like hyenas in the stand as he got rinsed over and over again by a retired Darren Huckerby mainly playing at walking pace is a joyful memory

# ? Jun 3, 2023 12:15

Her Dryer: Oct 15, 2012

FullLeatherJacket posted:

to be fair, a 46-year-old Lee Trundle is probably the worst possible opponent in a five-a-side game

I think I told this story before, but one of my mates (who was in the RAF and fancied himself as a decent player) got bought into a charity event that was half fans who'd paid and half club legends, and us all cackling like hyenas in the stand as he got rinsed over and over again by a retired Darren Huckerby mainly playing at walking pace is a joyful memory

It�s kind of amazing the difference between good amateur players and even not very good professional players, I�ve heard loads of stories of guys who I knew to be talented getting schooled by fat 45 year old former Partick Thistle players

# ? Jun 3, 2023 14:25

Brendan Rodgers: Jun 11, 2014

The best amateurs are always really incomplete. There are amateurs that can do a few skills but they make the wrong decision every time and can't run for long. They can be extremely frustrating to play with but can rinse other amateurs.

Then there are amateurs that are really athletic but never properly played football in the past, cross country runners etc they can rinse other amateurs too.

Both groups tend to think they're good until they come across someone who actually is.

Brendan Rodgers fucked around with this message at 15:02 on Jun 3, 2023

# ? Jun 3, 2023 14:54

jesus WEP: Oct 17, 2004

darren huckerby was a super skilful dude who just didn�t quite have what it took to be a prem player, could see him rinsing amateurs into his 60s easily

# ? Jun 3, 2023 15:40

Skios: Oct 1, 2021

So there was a bizarre bit of (non-gambling related) match fixing in the Dutch third division, the second highest tier of Dutch amateur football. Places in the playoffs for promotion are assigned to the three clubs who were most successful for a third of the league. If a club with a period title ends up winning the league and direct promotion, their playoff slot goes to the club that was #2 for the third of the competition they were most successful in.

In the final round of the regular competition, GVVV was playing against Barendrecht. In the 80th minute, Barendrecht was up 3-1. GVVV already won the playoff slot during the second of the third periods. In the standing for the third period championship, ACV Assen, the club that had already won direct promotion was in the lead. A fourth club, Sparta Nijkerk, was second in the standings for the third period. With Barendrecht up 3-1, it looked like the final standings for the third period would be:

1. ACV Assen
2. Sparta Nijkerk
3. GVVV

Which would mean Sparta Nijkerk would win the third period championship, because ACV Assen had won the whole league and direct promotion. However, in the final ten minutes, Barendrecht conceded three very obvious goals, which resulted in a GVVV victory that put them in second place for the third period championship. Since they had already won a period championship in the second period, the playoff slot for the third period would default to the highest ranking team in the league that didn�t have a period championship - Barendrecht.

So by deliberately conceding those three goals, they thought they had secured themselves a playoff slot in spite of not having won any of the three period titles. Sparta Nijkerk, the club that got screwed, ended up filing a protest with the Royal Dutch Football Association, who ended up deducting Barendrecht four points in the standing for unsportsmanlike conduct, which meant that they dropped from third in the league to fifth.

However, that didn�t end up affecting the standings for the third period title, which meant that the promotion playoff spot went to SteDoCo, the new #3 in the league.

# ? Jun 5, 2023 22:56

Butterfly Valley: Apr 19, 2007; I am a spectacularly bad poster and everyone in the Schadenfreude thread hates my guts.

That sounds like a stupid loving system op

# ? Jun 6, 2023 00:01

Shroud: May 11, 2009

Skios posted:

So there was a bizarre bit of (non-gambling related) match fixing in the Dutch third division, the second highest tier of Dutch amateur football. Places in the playoffs for promotion are assigned to the three clubs who were most successful for a third of the league. If a club with a period title ends up winning the league and direct promotion, their playoff slot goes to the club that was #2 for the third of the competition they were most successful in.

In the final round of the regular competition, GVVV was playing against Barendrecht. In the 80th minute, Barendrecht was up 3-1. GVVV already won the playoff slot during the second of the third periods. In the standing for the third period championship, ACV Assen, the club that had already won direct promotion was in the lead. A fourth club, Sparta Nijkerk, was second in the standings for the third period. With Barendrecht up 3-1, it looked like the final standings for the third period would be:

1. ACV Assen
2. Sparta Nijkerk
3. GVVV

Which would mean Sparta Nijkerk would win the third period championship, because ACV Assen had won the whole league and direct promotion. However, in the final ten minutes, Barendrecht conceded three very obvious goals, which resulted in a GVVV victory that put them in second place for the third period championship. Since they had already won a period championship in the second period, the playoff slot for the third period would default to the highest ranking team in the league that didn�t have a period championship - Barendrecht.

So by deliberately conceding those three goals, they thought they had secured themselves a playoff slot in spite of not having won any of the three period titles. Sparta Nijkerk, the club that got screwed, ended up filing a protest with the Royal Dutch Football Association, who ended up deducting Barendrecht four points in the standing for unsportsmanlike conduct, which meant that they dropped from third in the league to fifth.

However, that didn�t end up affecting the standings for the third period title, which meant that the promotion playoff spot went to SteDoCo, the new #3 in the league.

I appreciate the effort that went into this, but holy poo poo did my eyes glaze over about halfway through the first paragraph.

# ? Jun 6, 2023 01:46

Xabi: Jan 21, 2006; Inventor of the Marmite pasty

Skios posted:

So there was a bizarre bit of (non-gambling related) match fixing in the Dutch third division, the second highest tier of Dutch amateur football. Places in the playoffs for promotion are assigned to the three clubs who were most successful for a third of the league. If a club with a period title ends up winning the league and direct promotion, their playoff slot goes to the club that was #2 for the third of the competition they were most successful in.

In the final round of the regular competition, GVVV was playing against Barendrecht. In the 80th minute, Barendrecht was up 3-1. GVVV already won the playoff slot during the second of the third periods. In the standing for the third period championship, ACV Assen, the club that had already won direct promotion was in the lead. A fourth club, Sparta Nijkerk, was second in the standings for the third period. With Barendrecht up 3-1, it looked like the final standings for the third period would be:

1. ACV Assen
2. Sparta Nijkerk
3. GVVV

Which would mean Sparta Nijkerk would win the third period championship, because ACV Assen had won the whole league and direct promotion. However, in the final ten minutes, Barendrecht conceded three very obvious goals, which resulted in a GVVV victory that put them in second place for the third period championship. Since they had already won a period championship in the second period, the playoff slot for the third period would default to the highest ranking team in the league that didn�t have a period championship - Barendrecht.

So by deliberately conceding those three goals, they thought they had secured themselves a playoff slot in spite of not having won any of the three period titles. Sparta Nijkerk, the club that got screwed, ended up filing a protest with the Royal Dutch Football Association, who ended up deducting Barendrecht four points in the standing for unsportsmanlike conduct, which meant that they dropped from third in the league to fifth.

However, that didn�t end up affecting the standings for the third period title, which meant that the promotion playoff spot went to SteDoCo, the new #3 in the league.

Very solid post but unfortunately my brain is not advanced enough to understand the system (which quite frankly sounds bonkers).

# ? Jun 6, 2023 07:09

hermyownee: Jun 5, 2011

That seems absolutely mad lol. Surely there's now a push to change to a system that doesn't allow for a team to improve their league position by losing?

# ? Jun 6, 2023 07:51

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016; What did you say the strategy was?

The dutch

# ? Jun 6, 2023 07:59

Skios: Oct 1, 2021

hermyownee posted:

That seems absolutely mad lol. Surely there's now a push to change to a system that doesn't allow for a team to improve their league position by losing?

That was pretty much the position of Barendrecht: "Us deliberately losing wasn't unsportsmanlike, because you created a system in which us deliberately losing was the only way we could make the playoffs." Of course there's calls to change the system to something a little less dumb. Period championships are used in all but the highest leagues, meaning that there's a hypothetical situation where a team can qualify for both the relegation and promotion playoffs.

# ? Jun 6, 2023 08:44

Jel Shaker: Apr 19, 2003

that like the world cup where the team deliberately lost? me also dumb dumb

# ? Jun 6, 2023 08:54

greazeball: Feb 4, 2003

Skios posted:

That was pretty much the position of Barendrecht: "Us deliberately losing wasn't unsportsmanlike, because you created a system in which us deliberately losing was the only way we could make the playoffs." Of course there's calls to change the system to something a little less dumb. Period championships are used in all but the highest leagues, meaning that there's a hypothetical situation where a team can qualify for both the relegation and promotion playoffs.

So if you get relegated but win the playoffs, which league would you play in the next season?

# ? Jun 6, 2023 09:02

Syncopated: Oct 21, 2010

greazeball posted:

So if you get relegated but win the playoffs, which league would you play in the next season?

they'd cancel each other out and you'd stay in the same league as before, duh

# ? Jun 6, 2023 09:15

Loving Africa Chaps: Dec 3, 2007; We had not left it yet, but when I would wake in the night, I would lie, listening, homesick for it already.

Skios posted:

So there was a bizarre bit of (non-gambling related) match fixing in the Dutch third division, the second highest tier of Dutch amateur football. Places in the playoffs for promotion are assigned to the three clubs who were most successful for a third of the league. If a club with a period title ends up winning the league and direct promotion, their playoff slot goes to the club that was #2 for the third of the competition they were most successful in.

In the final round of the regular competition, GVVV was playing against Barendrecht. In the 80th minute, Barendrecht was up 3-1. GVVV already won the playoff slot during the second of the third periods. In the standing for the third period championship, ACV Assen, the club that had already won direct promotion was in the lead. A fourth club, Sparta Nijkerk, was second in the standings for the third period. With Barendrecht up 3-1, it looked like the final standings for the third period would be:

1. ACV Assen
2. Sparta Nijkerk
3. GVVV

Which would mean Sparta Nijkerk would win the third period championship, because ACV Assen had won the whole league and direct promotion. However, in the final ten minutes, Barendrecht conceded three very obvious goals, which resulted in a GVVV victory that put them in second place for the third period championship. Since they had already won a period championship in the second period, the playoff slot for the third period would default to the highest ranking team in the league that didn’t have a period championship - Barendrecht.

So by deliberately conceding those three goals, they thought they had secured themselves a playoff slot in spite of not having won any of the three period titles. Sparta Nijkerk, the club that got screwed, ended up filing a protest with the Royal Dutch Football Association, who ended up deducting Barendrecht four points in the standing for unsportsmanlike conduct, which meant that they dropped from third in the league to fifth.

However, that didn’t end up affecting the standings for the third period title, which meant that the promotion playoff spot went to SteDoCo, the new #3 in the league.

This seems like an incredibly dumb system and honestly under those rules barendrecht did nothing wrong.

# ? Jun 6, 2023 11:02

Amoeba102: Jan 22, 2010

They shouldn't have gotten themselves up 3-1.

# ? Jun 6, 2023 11:35

hadji murad: Apr 18, 2006

Amongst the most dangerous score lines , it�s one of them.

# ? Jun 6, 2023 11:56

tristeham: Jul 31, 2022

ilmucche posted:

The dutch

# ? Jun 6, 2023 12:04

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Skios posted:

That was pretty much the position of Barendrecht: "Us deliberately losing wasn't unsportsmanlike, because you created a system in which us deliberately losing was the only way we could make the playoffs." Of course there's calls to change the system to something a little less dumb. Period championships are used in all but the highest leagues, meaning that there's a hypothetical situation where a team can qualify for both the relegation and promotion playoffs.

This just raises more questions, like "who the hell thought up this terrible system and why did they not change it yet?"

# ? Jun 6, 2023 12:49

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

https://twitter.com/LucasSposito_/status/1666077950557720577?t=zQSRZIkD03kgTWXl_HqYYw&s=19

https://twitter.com/LucasSposito_/status/1666083716358340608?t=d2AbqAIWF3KbycTjVyqNVg&s=19

# ? Jun 6, 2023 15:34

Butterfly Valley: Apr 19, 2007; I am a spectacularly bad poster and everyone in the Schadenfreude thread hates my guts.

In my highly scientific view he looks like a loving wrong'un so it comes as no surprise

# ? Jun 6, 2023 15:51

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

Same. He looks like Hades from Disney�s �Hercules�:

# ? Jun 6, 2023 21:02

Jel Shaker: Apr 19, 2003

fun chat on football hooliganism on the Radio War Nerd podcast

# ? Jun 6, 2023 21:18

hadji murad: Apr 18, 2006

Guess he will be training with Greenwood.

# ? Jun 7, 2023 04:09

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

https://twitter.com/nocontextfooty/status/1666666015969669122

# ? Jun 8, 2023 18:09

TheRat: Aug 30, 2006

Got the ball imo

# ? Jun 8, 2023 18:55

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

Reminds me of this nice lady, the Vinnie Jones of women�s collegiate soccer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJiRQsyrBoI

She must really hate Mormons.

# ? Jun 8, 2023 19:03

kri kri: Jul 18, 2007

To be fair I hate Mormons too

# ? Jun 8, 2023 19:45

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

sticksy posted:

Reminds me of this nice lady, the Vinnie Jones of women�s collegiate soccer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJiRQsyrBoI

She must really hate Mormons.

I've always been more interested in what the ref was thinking.

# ? Jun 8, 2023 21:01

Literally Lewis Hamilton: Feb 22, 2005

Wonder where she is today

# ? Jun 8, 2023 21:48

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

Crazy Ted posted:

I've always been more interested in what the ref was thinking.

She didn�t get a yellow card until the 76th minute lol

# ? Jun 8, 2023 22:01

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

sticksy posted:

She didn�t get a yellow card until the 76th minute lol

"Look lady NOW you've gone too far!"

# ? Jun 9, 2023 00:34

Eau de MacGowan: May 12, 2009; BRASIL HEXA
2026 tá logo aí

christ, i'd only ever seen the hair pull, i didn't realise she was going full wwe the whole match

straight up rvps a girl too, lmao, could've killed her

# ? Jun 9, 2023 07:17

joepinetree: Apr 5, 2012

Adriano was hired by ESPN Brazil for their coverage of the champions league final. And then, being Adriano, partied too hard, missed the flight to Europe and got fired.

# ? Jun 10, 2023 20:58

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# ? May 29, 2024 10:09

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

joepinetree posted:

Adriano was hired by ESPN Brazil for their coverage of the champions league final. And then, being Adriano, partied too hard, missed the flight to Europe and got fired.

Man he really is the embodiment of Inter isn't he

# ? Jun 11, 2023 00:47

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