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Josherino)
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I already have too many issues with trusting people, I was walking around paranoid already, I can't imagine working or even just leaving my apartment. I guess I just won't work and end up homeless. Nothing loving matters and catastrophic climate change can't come to end every loving life on this planet soon enough.
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Jun 24, 2023 14:18
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ricecult posted:I already have too many issues with trusting people, I was walking around paranoid already, I can't imagine working or even just leaving my apartment. I guess I just won't work and end up homeless. Nothing loving matters and catastrophic climate change can't come to end every loving life on this planet soon enough. one thing that's been helpful to me is to think about how anxiety is basically the response of an animal caught in a trap, thrashing around and working itself deeper into the trap. don't attempt to reject or bottle up the emotions, but also don't commit yourself to anything while they're running high. where the fear has gone, there will be nothing only i will remain
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Jun 24, 2023 14:33
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Pepe Silvia Browne posted:"bury it really deep and don't talk about it ever again" is not what I meant when I said not to dwell on it it didn't sound like it but It's such a common way to do to it I wanted to be explicit
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Jun 24, 2023 14:53
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Brain Candy posted:it didn't sound like it but It's such a common way to do to it I wanted to be explicit Gotcha, all good. My thing that I have a tendency to do is even after I've hashed something out with my therapist or whoever else, even after I know intellectually that something is as resolved as it's gonna get, I still have that nagging self-hate voice that comes in with the "yeah, but" to try and relitigate the whole thing and make myself feel bad about it.
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Jun 24, 2023 14:58
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StashAugustine posted:one thing that's been helpful to me is to think about how anxiety is basically the response of an animal caught in a trap, thrashing around and working itself deeper into the trap. don't attempt to reject or bottle up the emotions, but also don't commit yourself to anything while they're running high. yep, things that work for me 1. meditation 2. anything that gets you into a flow state, exercise works 3. talking to someone who's a good listener what they all do is let you step back emotionally so you can still feel, you aren't numb, but you have room to evaluate. that cuts the loop of emotions feeding into themselves, feeling bad about feeling bad is super common
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Jun 24, 2023 15:00
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hah my above post was not in response to this but it's relevantPepe Silvia Browne posted:Gotcha, all good. yeah the lil' hater is a nasty guy
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Jun 24, 2023 15:06
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I'm six weeks off Cymbalta, and I hoped I'd feel better by now, but I'm just not. It killed my anxiety, but it made me feel like a placid cow, mostly incapable of any sort of creativity, and I hated that. But at least I was a pleasant cow. Now I'm just an ugly, old, dumb, untrusting, angry person. I can't even tell what's reality anymore. Not like hallucinations, but I get mad about something and I can't even tell if I should be, or if I'm just being a bitch because I can't help myself. Maybe that's just who I really am, I don't know. I'm thoroughly sick of myself. I keep trying to explain myself better, but I can't order my thoughts anymore. I used to be a very logical, big-picture person, but now I can't see any picture at all. It's like I have an absolute certainty that things are one way, and also a nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me to knock it off, that is not the truth, and I don't know what to believe. I can't trust my gut anymore. Or can I? Maybe the nagging voice is the liar. Mostly I just want to sleep so I don't have to think about anything and get any more tangled up. I don't even know why I wrote this, except it's Saturday and there's no option for me to call the doctor or counselor or anyone, and I've had a really crappy day already, even though it's only 10:30. I'm just lost, and I don't know whether to keep waiting to see if things even out, or if this is just how it is without medication. If I can't get my brain back, I might as well go back to medication and least give everyone around me a break, I guess. On the up side, there's a hummingbird at the feeder, and I saw a doe and her fawn today.
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Jun 24, 2023 15:47
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If it helps that sounds a lot like what I've gone through and am still working out now. Do you have a regular therapist/counselor/whatever you can talk to and get it out there? I'm still having trouble sorting out how to trust myself when I have all these contradictory and/or irrational impulses, but I think in the short term what's really helped for me is just focusing on the immediate future and trying to work on myself first. I wasn't getting anything done panicking about it anyway
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Jun 24, 2023 16:00
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I had a therapist for a couple of years, but she suggested I didn't need to keep seeing her almost two years ago. I just wish I knew whether all this new confusion was age, medication, illness, or something else. I live in a healthcare desert; it's hard to even get physical healthcare here, let alone mental. There is a guy in the health clinic network who does mental health meds by telehealth, but I've put off talking to him while I was waiting for the Cymbalta to clear out. I was just really hoping the anxiety would be manageable, now that I know it's there. I lived my whole life not knowing I had it, and I was more or less fine. But now that I had a break from it, it's ruining my life. At any rate, it's Saturday, and I can't do anything about any of this today, and that's what always dumps me into a spiral. It does help to hear you describe it as panicking, because that's really what it is, isn't it? I've been having a hard time sitting still for meditation or the quiet parts of yoga, but maybe I can figure something out.
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Jun 24, 2023 16:39
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Pull a jock move, lift heavy stuff while you listen to overwhelming music instead of trying to clear your mind. HIMBOs don't get panic attacks, become a zen beefcake.guaranteed posted:At any rate, it's Saturday, and I can't do anything about any of this today, and that's what always dumps me into a spiral. It does help to hear you describe it as panicking, because that's really what it is, isn't it? I've been having a hard time sitting still for meditation or the quiet parts of yoga, but maybe I can figure something out.
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Jun 24, 2023 19:32
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Jorge Bell posted:Pull a jock move, lift heavy stuff while you listen to overwhelming music instead of trying to clear your mind. HIMBOs don't get panic attacks, become a zen beefcake. Ah, at last, a new goal to strive for. This is going to take a lot of effort.
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Jun 24, 2023 22:41
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Jorge Bell posted:Pull a jock move, lift heavy stuff while you listen to overwhelming music instead of trying to clear your mind. HIMBOs don't get panic attacks, become a zen beefcake. This occasionally works for me. It’s kind of like I have all of this unused attention and I need to use all of it or I get distracted by the amount of attention I didn’t use up. Exercise alone doesn’t do it and an audiobook or music doesn’t do it. The combination of both of them help me focus. Recently I was doing some studying and putting on an audiobook helped me focus even though I was studying some boring, inane poo poo like tax law. The extra attention it took from me helped me focus. And it had to be a book that I had already listened to before or it wouldn’t have worked. I had to specifically choose something only so interesting or my ability to focus wouldn’t have been as good. I still could’ve done it but it wouldn’t have been as quick. It was like I was measuring out things that would distract me in precise amounts to get the right outcome. Some of what works for me doesn’t feel logical to those around me or even to myself. But it works. And if it works I don’t squint at it too hard. Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 02:27 on Jun 25, 2023 |
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Jun 24, 2023 23:19
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Hey! Just buzzing in to wish everyone da best, a happy Sunday, clear skies, and good brains
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Jun 25, 2023 16:03
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I feel like I have the opposite of seasonal depression sometimes, I'm happy in the winter but depressed in the summer. I love the winter because I enjoy the cold weather and the holidays, but during the summer I always feel depressed as everyone else around me seems to be travelling and enjoying their summer while I'm practically doing nothing.
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Jun 25, 2023 23:58
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Waffle House posted:Hey! Just buzzing in to wish everyone da best, a happy Sunday, clear skies, and good brains  In the last two days I've walked fifteen miles (total) and I'm exhausted and a bit sunburnt. Feels good. Feeling pretty great. And tired.
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Jun 26, 2023 00:10
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Ice Phisherman posted:
Sunscreen! Witeldram posted:I feel like I have the opposite of seasonal depression sometimes, I'm happy in the winter but depressed in the summer. I love the winter because I enjoy the cold weather and the holidays, but during the summer I always feel depressed as everyone else around me seems to be travelling and enjoying their summer while I'm practically doing nothing. Don't guilt yourself; summer is too hot to do anything.
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Jun 26, 2023 05:06
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Since the events of the posts I was making the other day, I've barely been able to sleep. I left my apartment to see my therapist, but otherwise feel scared to leave. Mostly sitting around with my fantasies of having handled the situation in a much worse way, if you catch my drift. I suffered physical abuse growing up from my brother and middle school bullying, that and my other traumas are just so activated that I can't really function. I'm in a bad financial situation and not working adds so much stress to this, but my main source of income outside of a few guitar students is driving uber eats and I honestly can't imagine doing that anymore.
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Jun 27, 2023 15:29
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ricecult posted:Since the events of the posts I was making the other day, I've barely been able to sleep. I left my apartment to see my therapist, but otherwise feel scared to leave. Mostly sitting around with my fantasies of having handled the situation in a much worse way, if you catch my drift. I suffered physical abuse growing up from my brother and middle school bullying, that and my other traumas are just so activated that I can't really function. I'm in a bad financial situation and not working adds so much stress to this, but my main source of income outside of a few guitar students is driving uber eats and I honestly can't imagine doing that anymore. I am going through a massive existential crisis and one of the most comfortable and easy jobs I've worked in the past decade was delivering pizzas for Domino's. It also paid more than when I did white collar QA at a tech company, by almost double. Strongly encourage ppl to become pizza heroes if "regular jobs" are getting to them. Once you get over whatever internal shame you have of moving "down" it's way way better imo.
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Jun 27, 2023 20:54
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Therapy continues to be the worst part of my week. My Mondays are completely ruined because of my afternoon appointment. People I talk to about it say I must be doing something wrong, and I can't "jump from therapist to therapist" but isn't shopping for a good one a good thing, rather than wasting mine and their time with something that obviously isn't working? I'm on Medicaid so it's not even like it costs me anything to try someone new as long as they take my insurance.Jorge Bell posted:I am going through a massive existential crisis and one of the most comfortable and easy jobs I've worked in the past decade was delivering pizzas for Domino's. It also paid more than when I did white collar QA at a tech company, by almost double. Strongly encourage ppl to become pizza heroes if "regular jobs" are getting to them. Once you get over whatever internal shame you have of moving "down" it's way way better imo. I've been considering doing UberEats or something where I can just pick up food, drop it off contact-less, and be free of this job search bullshit. I've been trying for a web design job for six months with only one prospect to show for it, and I don't think I could even handle getting a new job, but I desperately need one.
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Jun 27, 2023 21:05
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LifeLynx posted:Therapy continues to be the worst part of my week. My Mondays are completely ruined because of my afternoon appointment. People I talk to about it say I must be doing something wrong, and I can't "jump from therapist to therapist" but isn't shopping for a good one a good thing, rather than wasting mine and their time with something that obviously isn't working? I'm on Medicaid so it's not even like it costs me anything to try someone new as long as they take my insurance. Gig delivery "jobs" are scams. You want to work for an actual place. You are still doing a mostly solitary task where you can listen to podcasts/audiobooks/music/whatever because you're transporting food & not people, but you get hourly pay and tips as well as way more consistent hours & delivery frequency. If you get hurt you're protected by worker's comp. It's a way better deal in general. On the therapist note, you absolutely want to find somebody to stick with, but if you are not agreeing on a fundamental level with your current one switching is a tool you have. thehandtruck has a great quote in the 2nd post of this thread (iirc) about how to find a therapist and what you can/should be looking for.
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Jun 27, 2023 21:16
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Pizza delivery is pretty cool so long as you recognize that you're putting miles on your car and that's money. Years ago you could run one car into the ground and just buy a new, lovely one if you couldn't fix your first car, but the used market isn't what it used to be. You do get money every single day though which is nice. And summer is a good time to deliver pizzas. Just apply for a job in a good neighborhood so the tips will be better. And if you do have to deliver to a bad neighborhood, I'd take them for a few extra bucks supplied by the other driver and the good will of the women drivers who didn't want to be in sketchy places at night all alone. Also if you have any downtime at all, you will learn how to fold pizza boxes and you will fold them from floor to ceiling over and over again. You will be subjected to the most inane high school level drama from your coworkers even though they're all between ages 16 and 65. Half of your coworkers will be high at any given time. If your manager is cool, he or she will be getting high with you and possibly be your weed plug too. Beware the cokehead manager though. They're really annoying. It's pretty decent money if you do it right. Ice Phisherman has issued a correction as of 21:45 on Jun 27, 2023 |
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Jun 27, 2023 21:43
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I've been doing uber eats and while I wouldn't say "definitely don't do this" I really wouldn't recommend it either. I would say it averages to about 17 an hour, but that's not factoring in gas, wear and tear, and the fact that it's pretty tedious (although that's a lot of jobs). I really can't imagine doing it anymore given what happened. Even though it's not the job's fault, you interact with lots of people and people are terrible. Contactless is fine, but not everything is like that, and you interact with restaurant folks which is a pool of both the best and worst people.
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Jun 27, 2023 21:58
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Ice Phisherman posted:Pizza delivery is pretty cool so long as you recognize that you're putting miles on your car and that's money. Years ago you could run one car into the ground and just buy a new, lovely one if you couldn't fix your first car, but the used market isn't what it used to be. oh man I loved working at a pizza place, I was young so they paid me poo poo but I miss that place
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Jun 27, 2023 22:18
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Halloween Jack posted:I meant to circle back around and be...less flippant, frankly. I don't presume to tell you what to do, but I couldn't help notice that you're framing doing your parent's bidding as "the easiest way to resolve this" when it sounds like anything but. It doesn't even sound like the path of least resistance. Do you really want to live with these people until they die? Do you really see your relationship surviving that, and are you willing to throw it away for them? You said that you don't get to make any decisions, but do your parents actually have the power to force you to do anything? It sounds like you're making the decision to throw your life away because they demand it. I don't see any indication that the well-founded bitterness and resentment you're feeling is going to get better over time. They don't have any specific hold on me other than being my parents. I will still be sad if something happens to them and when they die, despite everything, and I do feel some sense of duty to them. Like, taking care of them isn't necessarily the hurdle, just that I can't be in two places at once and they are likely going to refuse to make this any easier on me or deviate from this being entirely on their terms. I think more than anything else I just chafe at being emotional blackmailed by frankly both sides of this issue. My parents don't want anything to change so nothing must, my fiance during the engagement has decided to move and I have to agree to follow her or we might as well just call off the wedding [this hasn't been stated explicitly, but I didn't feel like 'no' was an acceptable answer and I'm going to talk to her about how this makes me feel even if I'm ultimately going to do it]. It starts to feel like nobody actually cares about me or what I need, only that I perform the services so noted in the stealth contract.
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Jun 27, 2023 22:32
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If possible, doing UberEats on a bicycle is a decent way to make money without spending it all on fuel.
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Jun 28, 2023 00:14
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ricecult posted:I've been doing uber eats and while I wouldn't say "definitely don't do this" I really wouldn't recommend it either. I would say it averages to about 17 an hour, but that's not factoring in gas, wear and tear, and the fact that it's pretty tedious (although that's a lot of jobs). I did this to survive for a while, and still do sometimes. It is what it is. Get a job with health insurance and benefits.
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Jun 28, 2023 14:37
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my ex and I just split up over covid. watching her demask pushed me into suicidality and got me involuntarily confined in the hospital for a month. I'm out now, and on Seroquel. doctor says I had a psychotic break and likely have bipolar. I'm on a short term disability leave from work and my love is gone. my life is an empty shambles. I've been processing and I think I've been using climate doom/covid doom narrative spaces as a replacement for doing the kind of real self-work that I need to be doing. being a militant masker has cost me everything, and I'm not becoming painfully aware that maximum safety isn't worth the social cost. reading this thread now and grateful for all the resources and sharing. it's going to take me a really long time to recover from this, but changing what I put into my mind is a good start.
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Jun 28, 2023 16:37
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Osv18 posted:my ex and I just split up over covid. watching her demask pushed me into suicidality and got me involuntarily confined in the hospital for a month. Turn it around fast, my guy, you got this. Those little proclivities sometimes turn into major mental sticking points and occasionally a full out psychoses about something; good news is that it never takes as long as you think it does to UNstick, you just gotta develop those $&@! mental twitch reflexes away from the bad poo poo. Patch it all up, especially with your ex/social circle. Keep the apologies brief strong and sincere, and keep moving back towards health while everyone else does their own sonder-side minor ironing-out over what interrupted your life. Waffle House has issued a correction as of 19:00 on Jun 28, 2023 |
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Jun 28, 2023 18:58
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Waffle House posted:Turn it around fast, my guy, you got this. Those little proclivities sometimes turn into major mental sticking points and occasionally a full out psychoses about something; good news is that it never takes as long as you think it does to UNstick, you just gotta develop those $&@! mental twitch reflexes away from the bad poo poo. my ex has requested that I don't talk to her anymore. I am making amends with everyone else.
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Jun 28, 2023 21:18
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Osv18 posted:my ex has requested that I don't talk to her anymore. I am making amends with everyone else. That'll happen. You've got this, man! Get it!
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Jun 28, 2023 21:20
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As someone who had a complete mental breakdown when Covid started I highly recommend food delivery as a way to keep yourself a float while you fix your brain. Lots of time to think and very little interaction with people (this helps when you're vulnerable) Crazypoops has issued a correction as of 21:35 on Jun 28, 2023 |
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Jun 28, 2023 21:32
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Osv18 posted:my ex and I just split up over covid. watching her demask pushed me into suicidality and got me involuntarily confined in the hospital for a month. On the off chance you're reading this, I do want to say you've done a great job dealing with your issues and I hope you can continue moving forward in a healthy way
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Jun 28, 2023 21:59
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hey gang id to unsticky this thread. there are no plans to gas or remove the thread, the worry is that there are people reading this thread to harvest lols and cspam mods dont have any way to stop that from happening. this would only make it less visible on the front page. this is just a small thing but i want your feedback before i do anything
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Jun 28, 2023 23:25
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Al! posted:hey gang id to unsticky this thread. there are no plans to gas or remove the thread, the worry is that there are people reading this thread to harvest lols and cspam mods dont have any way to stop that from happening. this would only make it less visible on the front page. this is just a small thing but i want your feedback before i do anything Sure. It makes life marginally harder for the most depraved sickos on the planet, so sounds good to me.
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Jun 28, 2023 23:45
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there's been an open discussion between the iks of this thread and the mods about whether this thread should continue to be stickied. we certainly welcome anyone's feedback on that front here or in the feedback thread, of course. that decision isn't going to be up to just Al, though lol
Crusty Nutsack has issued a correction as of 23:59 on Jun 28, 2023 |
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Jun 28, 2023 23:50
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Al! posted:hey gang id to unsticky this thread. there are no plans to gas or remove the thread, the worry is that there are people reading this thread to harvest lols and cspam mods dont have any way to stop that from happening. this would only make it less visible on the front page. this is just a small thing but i want your feedback before i do anything Yeah, I agree. I've posted about loss and grief in here and it's a nice resource but having it at the top is like advertising "look at my hosed up situation" or something.
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Jun 29, 2023 00:48
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Posting here has always been public, and I think there's some value having a very visible sincerity zone at the top of cspam. It's not like people that want to mine for vulnerability are going to be stopped just by unstickying it.
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Jun 29, 2023 01:02
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Crusty Nutsack posted:there's been an open discussion between the iks of this thread and the mods about whether this thread should continue to be stickied. we certainly welcome anyone's feedback on that front here or in the feedback thread, of course. that decision isn't going to be up to just Al, though lol yeah i remember velkyn saying something like that a few months ago. if i thought it was solely my decision to make i would have already done it
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Jun 29, 2023 01:22
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Anyone know how to deal with job search stress? I'm planning on applying to jobs again but I hate the cycle of anxiety and depression: anxiety from applying to jobs, and depression when things don't work out. I'm still living financially comfortable despite being unemployed, but I do want to get a job soon. I've also done some volunteer work and it's added some structure to my weekly routine, but it still feels different from having an actual job.
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Jun 29, 2023 03:00
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i have it bookmarked for when i have the bandwidth to be helpful for people so i don't mind. really sucks that anyone has to consider making it less visible though. What a world.jpg
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Jun 29, 2023 03:37
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