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a neat cape posted:This made me incredibly sad. Yeah, it seems codependent and sad to me, but whatever - everyone loves their own lives how they wanna live it
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Jul 7, 2023 12:17
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shirts and skins posted:I know will always be there for me are the people I can go months or years without seeing and just pick back up like no time passed. If there's someone like that in your life, drop them a line! And if your old friends become distant because your life has changed, then it may be time to build new support networks. Yeah it’s one of the best feelings to connect with a friend you haven’t talked to in years and it just picks right back up. I’ve got hella friends and I love them so freaking much!!!
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Jul 7, 2023 12:19
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C-Euro posted:Late to friendschat, but I sometimes wonder if the longevity of my and my wife's relationship is because we have so few other friends. At least, friends with whom we feel compelled to spend time. I think the last time either of us did a solo friends weekend was our respective bachelor/ette parties, and those were fairly brief and subdued (mine was at least!). My wife and I have always both been introverts and had a tough time making connections, so at this point were just about the only ones there for each other. We made some efforts after we moved to the town we're living in now, but the one other couple we hung out with turned out to be chuds and we dropped them. Pre-covid I'd been trying to network with other parents but it always felt a little awkward as a dad when 95% of the other parents you meet were moms. But yeah, Covid shattered the very tenuous connections I'd made so that was moot. I've briefly tried again since then but it seems like it's always a one-way effort, and I'm just not feeling motivated anymore. Socializing has always stressed me out to begin with. I worry about my wife. I still have at least have my best friend since high school, who at this point is like a brother to me, though we live on opposite sides of the state. I at least get to hang out with him maybe once or twice a year but Mrs. Quiet Feet's social circle was somehow even smaller than mine before we moved states and got married and she literally just does not have friends now. 
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Jul 7, 2023 13:10
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BlindSite posted:Apparently threads is allowing people to access content creators contact information - including phone numbers. So yeah - dudes are getting texted death threats and pretty ladies with dick picks and solicitations. Well done Zuck. 
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Jul 7, 2023 13:34
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My friends don't like it, but I just take maybes as a hard yes for getting together. Too many of them will just waffle back and forth and never commit so things wouldn't happen. You busy next Friday night for board games? If the answer isn't no, we're getting together instead of you taking a week and a half to commit and then deciding not to because you didn't decide until the last minute. Sorry you're indecisive and can't plan. Worked wonders for drinks after soccer pre-COVID, for instance. People wouldn't want to get a beer unless other people were going so no one would want to be the first to commit. Telling a few they were in after they said maybe usually got half a dozen people to go. A lot of times, you have to force people to do what is good for them.
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Jul 7, 2023 13:51
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MrLogan posted:My friends don't like it, but I just take maybes as a hard yes for getting together. This has been a problem for me lately too, and I have one or two that always are around for regular hangs, but when you try to get them to actually go do an activity, will almost always be like “I’ll let you know!” I haven’t been taking that as a hard yes (because I know that’s code for “not really but maybe I’ll feel like it later and I don’t wanna ice myself out”), but I have been telling them “No, I need to know if you want to come or not now, because if you don’t I need to make other plans ahead of time.” and that’s been working decently for me.
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Jul 7, 2023 14:01
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BlindSite posted:It's definitely a hard one. I think sometimes that social media is a hinderance as much as it is a help to staying in touch. Because while I can see that you're still doin stuff online, I'm not really getting a sense of connection at the same time but it can still give you that little tiny hit of socialization that's not quite enough to satiate that need for connection. When I lose contact with people I choose to believe that it's because most everyone is really stressed out and has their own poo poo to work through, and not because they simply do not wish to speak to me. The hell of our current geopolitical situation, coupled with being parents (for those who it applies to), only makes that problem worse IMO. I actually had a childhood buddy get married last fall and invite us to the wedding, then my whole family popped positive for COVID after making the ten-hour drive to my hometown and we had to miss it and head straight back home lol. That really sucked! Ornery and Hornery posted:Yeah, it seems codependent and sad to me, but whatever - everyone loves their own lives how they wanna live it If you want to feel sorry or pity for me, focus on the fact that SA has probably been a net negative for me in terms of keeping in touch with old IRL friends, if for no other reason than the fact that it sucks up my idle internet time when I could be DMing people who I actually know (and I really do not like prolonged phone conversations, even with my wife) Quiet Feet posted:My wife and I have always both been introverts and had a tough time making connections, so at this point were just about the only ones there for each other. We made some efforts after we moved to the town we're living in now, but the one other couple we hung out with turned out to be chuds and we dropped them. Pre-covid I'd been trying to network with other parents but it always felt a little awkward as a dad when 95% of the other parents you meet were moms. But yeah, Covid shattered the very tenuous connections I'd made so that was moot. I've briefly tried again since then but it seems like it's always a one-way effort, and I'm just not feeling motivated anymore. Socializing has always stressed me out to begin with. Find an activity that you like to do together, preferably one that involves other parents. Budget a little extra childcare money if you have to. We had a great group of gym friends pre-COVID which fell apart for obvious reasons, but before that it was a fun thing to do a couple of times a week with like-minded persons, some of whom we've stayed in touch with even after our gym closed down. We're looking to start it back up again later this month.
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Jul 7, 2023 14:05
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BlindSite posted:I think I've been dropped from certain social events with my friends but we're still friends. Unmarried, no kids, late thirties - there’s just nothing to talk about really. I’m in the same boat as you.
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Jul 7, 2023 14:11
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FizFashizzle posted:Unmarried, no kids, late thirties - there’s just nothing to talk about really. I’m in the same boat as you. That’s ok we married parents don’t have much to talk about either. We know y’all don’t want to hear about our kids all the time. It’s no secret that I think organized religion is some serious bullshit but we’ve atomized so hard that community third spaces aren’t a thing outside of churches anymore. I’m thinking about trying to find a running club. I was also kinda hopeful about meeting folks at school but I’m technically old enough to be the fellow students’ dad and prob have more in common w professors at this point. I’ve been thinking about taking up pickle ball because it’s loving everywhere here and my organized adult sports leagues aren’t an option anymore. I think it’s full of very old people though.
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Jul 7, 2023 14:22
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One of the best ways to meet people and make friends is to go to jail
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Jul 7, 2023 14:30
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I do genuinely worry about my wife not having many friends right now. Her social tree is almost mainly her family. Her dad probably calls a couple of times a week and we visit often. That said she's gotten more introverted over the years and she doesn't open herself up to new people as often. Her best friend might be turning into a chud too (which is weird, given she's an ANRP) and there's a real risk that falls apart. I mainly get my social stuff through online gaming at this point but still have friends in the area I try to visit too. I do it enough to be socially fulfilled at least, and somehow most of my friends don't have kids either too.
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Jul 7, 2023 14:57
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Madison WI goons or adjacent where should we stop for lunch today on the way through
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Jul 7, 2023 14:58
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Common interests and traditions are pretty much the best way to keep things going. Im going a tight knit circle of about 6, and we meet with wives/significant others every year at a camping music festival. And do trips throughout the year. Losing touch with folks is a sad but common part of life - I just try to fight it off as long as ya can
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Jul 7, 2023 15:01
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In a lighter note, it appears Manas has a competitor: https://twitter.com/sh8rks/status/1676730014652411904?t=_9QN1Hp3UrW3v6YWOuxmcw&s=19
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Jul 7, 2023 15:01
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Do volunteer work - you get to hang out around other people and if you do enough of it you start seeing the same people again and again, AND you get to do some good for other people? That’s a win-win baby
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Jul 7, 2023 15:05
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seiferguy posted:In a lighter note, it appears Manas has a competitor: One fish Two fish Red fish Nuke fish
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Jul 7, 2023 15:06
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C-Euro posted:
That's actually the other thing keeping us from hanging out with anyone. Our child has mental health issues and has a lot of trouble with emotional regulation. Usually she's very sweet but sometimes she has outbursts and even becomes violent. Paying for childcare has never really felt like an option and on the exceedingly rare occasion I go out myself I feel guilty for leaving my wife behind without backup. We've got a neurologist, 15 hours of therapy a week and we're trying different medications and we've seen some progress but we're nowhere near the point where I'd feel comfortable just leaving her with a babysitter.
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Jul 7, 2023 15:07
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seiferguy posted:In a lighter note, it appears Manas has a competitor: I would have guessed this was an ember, except I think the plate would crack from that much heat on it
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Jul 7, 2023 15:08
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T-Square posted:Madison WI goons or adjacent where should we stop for lunch today on the way through Dexter's Pub is open for lunch fish fry now and is close to most main throughways, and has a wild beer selection. Beef Butter BBQ and Smokey Jon's are good BBQ, Ha Long Bay for southeastern Asian food, or La Tagura for Latin American.
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Jul 7, 2023 15:14
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Yesterday I met up with my college friend for lunch so I could process the news of my sister's divorce. It was nice to have somebody be a sounding board for what I was trying to process; I did have studio mates at work but I didn't feel comfortable dumping that on them. As for friend circles, it's one of the things I'm concerned about my sister as her situation & where she lives means she's pretty isolated from friends off her own. I'm hoping she moves closer to DC to be with people she knows. Meanwhile I'm going camping this weekend with some other friends and i'm irrationally stressed out getting all my crap together. I don't want to forget anything and every item I grab makes me remember other things. For example I grabbed my head lamp, but now I have to go to the store because the batteries in it are dead.
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Jul 7, 2023 15:16
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Blowjob Overtime posted:I would have guessed this was an ember, except I think the plate would crack from that much heat on it I don't know, that looks like one of those 1970s lead plates that would make suitable tank armor.
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Jul 7, 2023 15:17
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seiferguy posted:In a lighter note, it appears Manas has a competitor: The ever unique medium rare fish!
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Jul 7, 2023 15:23
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I definitely think the commoditization of everything and the internet has increased social isolation and then covid turned that up to 10000. Parasocial relationships with people you've never met have replaced many real relationship opportunities. These safe, predictable, sterile relationships are hollow and unfulfilling leading to an increased experience of loneliness. Eating but never satiated because the food has no nutrition. Constant media messages that we are not good enough and need to consume to be good enough has lead to so much interpersonal anxiety that people prefer to isolate rather than risk being seen as less than because they don't have (item/body type/personality) they've been conditioned to believe as acceptable. Not even to mention the decrease in overall free time as people have to work harder and harder just to have basic needs met. Our society and culture make it hard to simply be in connection with others and be happy with yourself. I see it every day and it sucks! You're all valuable for existing and worthy of friends and connection. I hope you can make space for them.
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Jul 7, 2023 16:01
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Idk, I have a bunch of friends who I see somewhat regularly. Going to a big BBQ tomorrow and going tubing in the river next weekend
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Jul 7, 2023 16:11
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most of the friends i used to have centered around the church I used to go to, which means post-divorce I didn't have any friends IRL. Now 10+ years of full time remote work means that has more or less stayed the same. eh, it's too hot to do things in AZ anyway.
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Jul 7, 2023 16:32
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500 dollar vet bill for Addie 
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Jul 7, 2023 17:01
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Healthy doggo at least?
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Jul 7, 2023 17:13
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My best friends are all my immediate coworkers, and not just because we spend all day together, we do vacations and road trips pretty frequently. Terrible for healthy work/life balance but that’s our mentality in general, and trauma bonding goes a long way!
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Jul 7, 2023 17:19
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dirty shrimp money posted:Healthy doggo at least? Pending. Been throwing up for two straight days, lethargic this morning. Bet doesn’t think it’s serious, but they offered and of course the healthcare provider in me was like FULL SCANS AND LABS
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Jul 7, 2023 17:24
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I would need years of therapy to unravel my constant anxiety about my job and my friendships. And that's not even getting into the abyss of being single in my 30s while 3/4 of the people around me are in committed relationships but have no single friends.
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Jul 7, 2023 17:25
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FizFashizzle posted:500 dollar vet bill for Addie Lol amateur Its $700+ if you even sniff an afterhours animal emergency room around here. Last time my weim chewed up a box and got into a ton of onion powder, it was $1100 or so after him vomiting and scans etc. And that wasnt the only time that year he did something crazy like that. Stupidly smart Weims 
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Jul 7, 2023 17:29
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FizFashizzle posted:Pending. Been throwing up for two straight days, lethargic this morning. Bet doesn’t think it’s serious, but they offered and of course the healthcare provider in me was like FULL SCANS AND LABS Addisons doesn’t run in aussies, does it? My sweet pupper had a similar presentation before they sorted out the complete hypoadrenocorticism. Lost appetite and thirst, then dropped like 25% of her body weight in a week. But the steroids did the trick long term.
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Jul 7, 2023 17:34
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I am single and in my late 30s, and really the only one of my friend group not married and with kids now. We all still hang out and do annual trips to lake arrowhead and get togethers probably once every couple of months since we're all within about 3 hours of each other. If anything, I'm the one who worries sometimes if I'm the awkward 3rd wheel at these things, but that's the imposter syndrome talking since I know my friends love me.
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Jul 7, 2023 17:34
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The last cat we had died after giving us like $4k+ in bills, and that was the cheap way out because we were headed toward chemotherapy, her cancer was super aggressive and got her first. There's such a thing as medical insurance for pets and given how expensive poo poo is getting these days, it's probably not a bad idea. Just don't buy it from Trupanion, they fired my sister a week before FMLA would have kicked in for her so they wouldn't have to pay her or keep her job for her while she was sick with a brain tumor. gently caress those guys. Also I think my sinus infection has just about cleared up. Re: friends, everyone moves away and our lives get busy and if you get invited to do a thing and can't go, people think you just didn't want to go and never invite you to a thing again, so you have to call them up and invite *them* to a thing, so they know you weren't just done with the friendship. I think everyone's like, filled with anxiety about friendships nowadays or something. Unless you're hanging out on facebook providing them with daily reassurance by putting a smiley face icon on their photo of their lunch they feel like you've just stopped caring or something. Not everyone is like that but it seems like increasingly the norm. I blame zuck.
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Jul 7, 2023 17:36
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I have pet insurance for my small lhasa poo, but the weim would be upwards of $800 a month. He’s 10 years old and a breed that historically has issues
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Jul 7, 2023 17:39
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I have never had pet insurance, but from what I heard it is harder to get a decent payout than people health insurance.
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Jul 7, 2023 17:42
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BlindSite posted:I think sometimes its often overlooked, and not meaning this as a slight mind you - that friendships like any relationship require some level of active effort to maintain. I had this realization a year ago and have started to make that effort instead of waiting for a chance run in or an invitation. It's been nice -- I see friends a few times a year at least, some more frequently.
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Jul 7, 2023 17:43
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LeeMajors posted:Addisons doesn’t run in aussies, does it? My sweet pupper had a similar presentation before they sorted out the complete hypoadrenocorticism. I think it’s just an upset stomach. Addie had a tender tummy. Usually it just goes the other way. She spent the three nights prior with my parents so god knows what they gave her. They were todsing her training treats with the puppy. Of course she spent one afternoon is daycare 10 days ago so I’m immediately worried it’s Parvo
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Jul 7, 2023 17:56
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FizFashizzle posted:She spent the three nights prior with my parents so god knows what they gave her. They were todsing her training treats with the puppy. Doggie grandparents are always a source of stomach aches.
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Jul 7, 2023 18:02
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Manoueverable posted:I would need years of therapy to unravel my constant anxiety about my job and my friendships. And that's not even getting into the abyss of being single in my 30s while 3/4 of the people around me are in committed relationships but have no single friends. well, years of therapy is kind of like planting a tree. the best time is 20 years ago, the second best time is now. just a PSA that you can be perfectly happy and well adjusted and benefit from therapy, you don't have to be "bad enough" or "deserve it" somehow. it's never selfish to check in with yourself or get help. it's been great for me and my wife.
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