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Have you ever joined the Mile High Club? Try five miles high and no, I have not.
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# ? Jul 12, 2023 16:47 |
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# ? Jun 3, 2024 16:09 |
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I handle conflict appropriately and I'm up to date on my mortgage payments.
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# ? Jul 12, 2023 17:57 |
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Portia reads the papers
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# ? Jul 12, 2023 21:08 |
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She is fatal attraction. She is staunchly in favor of Cocoa Puffs.
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# ? Jul 13, 2023 00:50 |
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Sash! posted:Portia reads the papers I hate that that's my catchphrase
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# ? Jul 13, 2023 03:30 |
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It was our fault for letting for those high schoolers dance at their prom.
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# ? Jul 13, 2023 23:25 |
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Sometimes you gotta do the right thing, even when the wrong thing would be a whole lot easier. Die Werewolf Zombie.
Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 15:49 on Jul 14, 2023 |
# ? Jul 14, 2023 09:00 |
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Exhibit A: You're cellphone bill. You made a call to 911 at 8:16 AM. Exhibit B: The watch my son gave my for Christmas. Not the one I wanted, by the way. You had just set it, before it broke, of course, when your car rammed into me down in Florida. And it stopped at 8:08! Exhibit C: Sixteen...minus eight...is eight!
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 15:28 |
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This ought to prove my mother wrong, saying Donaghy is Gaelic for failure. What the hell does she know, she's a Murphy. Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 15:56 |
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The Donaghys originally come from Ireland's little known county Steve, where, historically, we were whiskey testers and goblins.
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 16:39 |
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Did the Duffys give up when we were forcibly shipped from Ireland to America? No. Did we give up when America sent us right back? No. Did we give up when Ireland set us adrift on a log? Also no.
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 18:37 |
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Commissioner Kelly and I are friends. We have competing columns in Irish Arguments Weekly, America's only all caps magazine.
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 19:19 |
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Benagain posted:Did the Duffys give up when we were forcibly shipped from Ireland to America? No. Did we give up when America sent us right back? No. Did we give up when Ireland set us adrift on a log? Also no. One word: coffee. One problem: where do you get it?
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 19:33 |
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Hughmoris posted:One word: coffee. One problem: where do you get it? Anywhere you get it anywhere
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 19:37 |
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Grassy Knowles posted:Anywhere you get it anywhere
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 19:45 |
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38th & 6th in the basement of the K-Mart. You just go downstairs, you get the key from David and BOOM! You plug in the machine
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 19:45 |
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There's a new thing called women's liberation, which gives you women the right to choose, and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with.
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 20:58 |
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Pre — before Natal — ruined
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# ? Jul 14, 2023 23:59 |
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Liz: The card was wrong! And you're no better Carol, you built that bookshelf incorrectly! Carol: I did not, I wanted the books to slide off!
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# ? Jul 15, 2023 02:36 |
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But that's the name of my daughter! Are ALL women somebody's daughter!?!?!
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# ? Jul 15, 2023 03:31 |
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So for me to be there at the birth of my daughter, I have to answer trivia questions, despite having gone to middle school in a Exxon station?
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# ? Jul 15, 2023 03:36 |
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I mean if I want to lick a hippie I’ll return Joan Baez’s phone calls.
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# ? Jul 16, 2023 03:03 |
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I know the photoshoot for Randi's dog's funeral is the wrong place to tell you this, but I'm going to Africa.
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# ? Jul 16, 2023 04:16 |
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I live in the basement So I have all the nails
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# ? Jul 16, 2023 05:14 |
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Sounds like you could use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.
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# ? Jul 16, 2023 05:38 |
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I’m a verrrry sexy baby.
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# ? Jul 16, 2023 06:13 |
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It kinda peters out after that. I just... suck pie off my sweatshirt for the next half hour.
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# ? Jul 16, 2023 11:09 |
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Jerusalem posted:But that's the name of my daughter!
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 00:58 |
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Slut..buster?
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 03:15 |
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Thundercracker posted:Slut..buster? Happy birthday, bitches
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 03:18 |
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She has a name, Jack. We call her Skankovich.
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 03:21 |
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Oh, everyone born before Jesus is in hell.
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 03:23 |
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SHUT IT DOWN
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 03:51 |
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I’m thirsty. Family! Who’s in charge of my thirst?
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 05:44 |
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I'm sorry I doubted you, it's just you've never been right before -about anything.
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 06:31 |
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Wow the one time I try to take your side, Lemon, and you sandbag me. I'm sorry Jenna, I smelled crazy in here and I assumed it was you.
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 06:36 |
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Time to end the charade and adjust my schedule to buy a new vase.
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 07:28 |
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Jerusalem posted:Are ALL women somebody's daughter!?!?! I was watching Season...3(?) of Kimmy Schmidt the other day, and there's a very similar line when Jaqueline, Lillian, and Mimi are getting hit on my young men in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but about son. "They’re all someone’s son!"
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 15:27 |
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Take a lesson from Janis and show some self-control.
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 16:47 |
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# ? Jun 3, 2024 16:09 |
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Harlem Globetrotter. Does that name mean NOTHING to you?
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# ? Jul 17, 2023 17:58 |