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*flashing back to Head of HR lady telling me that my saying "I couldn't put down a problem I knew something was wrong with until it was fixed" meant I'd be laid off in the next recession, then immediately getting thanked for saving yet another senior manager's rear end because of that same obsessive trait* It's pretty depressing that I learned all that stuff about camaraderie and leadership on college teams and in my fraternity and then it turns out to be a detriment to success in business Car Hater fucked around with this message at 15:01 on Jul 21, 2023 |
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Jul 21, 2023 14:57
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Well, just discovered the only thing worst than having to deal with auditors: having to deal with second-hand requests from people who were in the meetings with the auditors. Also every control we've implemented so far would be trivial to bypass or fake. If your control is a screenshot of the record counts that I took off the dataset I made and I'm using, what's to stop me from faking the record counts as well????
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Jul 21, 2023 15:40
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Also my manager felt the need to explain to me that no one was actually accusing me of manipulation of our financial records, and now I'm wondering if I need to work on my tone or something. Admittedly I was getting frustrated because showing that the record counts of our <Records> table and Deletes table wasn't good enough, and showing the record counts of our <Records_wo_Deletes> table wouldn't work, so could we just delete the records from our <Records> table and show those record counts?
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Jul 21, 2023 15:45
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:Yeah I don’t care if you eat as long as you’re a passive participant, on mute, and off camera Emptyquote! For this type of thing, I'm of the mindset of "If I can't tell you're doing it, then I definitely don't care"
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Jul 21, 2023 15:53
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Tibalt posted:Well, just discovered the only thing worst than having to deal with auditors: having to deal with second-hand requests from people who were in the meetings with the auditors. You do seem like you are taking this personally, but I get why. You're trying to make sense of the whole process. That's your mistake. Audit, especially external audit, is effectively useless. We have controls similar to what you describe. There is absolutely nothing keeping anyone from actually doing any fraud if they wanted. The audit does not even try to check that. All they are doing is checking: A) you wrote down a plan, and B) you performed the steps you wrote down. They will not check if the plan is a good plan. They will not check that the steps were performed correctly. They will avoid doing anything that you did because "auditing isn't about duplicating work." Apparently. I used to feel like you. You need to internalize that the entire thing is performative. One time our auditors didn't understand the work I did. They set up a meeting with me, and had me tell them how to audit my work. It is not a system that instills confidence.
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Jul 21, 2023 16:03
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Having done a bit of auditing in my time:Jenkl posted:Audit, especially external audit, is effectively useless. It's 100% about checking a box with legal or regulators or whoever and 0% about actually identifying problems. Until it isn't because something's blown up badly enough to make the news.
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Jul 21, 2023 17:09
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Zarin posted:Emptyquote! Zoomin' with Toobin
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Jul 21, 2023 17:13
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As a former external auditor I feel the need to defend my CPA brethren still in the trenches, but I’m also on record as telling my boss that I’m immediately transferring departments if they ever need to implement internal controls on my reporting processes. Its fun when the PCAOB, the auditor’s auditors, gets deep in the weeds in an area that was previously never an issue. One engagement review goes poorly and suddenly hundreds of audit teams are expanding procedures and pissing off clients all over the globe.
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Jul 21, 2023 17:14
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Chief medical officer who has a history at other countries* of exporting R&D roles to cheaper countries, with hilarious consequences, has announced a big expansion of the Hyderabad R&D site and is taking a keen interest in timesheets. Coincidence? *companies knox_harrington fucked around with this message at 18:45 on Jul 21, 2023 |
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Jul 21, 2023 18:11
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Tibalt posted:Well, just discovered the only thing worst than having to deal with auditors: having to deal with second-hand requests from people who were in the meetings with the auditors. I told some auditors that there was no evidence they could gather via screenshots of what I was showing that that I could not fake. Also that there was no conclusive way to show that the same code was in production as test, or that the data was accurate in test and I hadn't manipulated it.
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Jul 21, 2023 18:13
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knox_harrington posted:Chief medical officer who has a history at other countries of exporting R&D roles to cheaper countries, with hilarious consequences, has announced a big expansion of the Hyderabad R&D site and is taking a keen interest in timesheets. Coincidence? Sounds like the HR VP who introduced him self during my orientation at my first job. He was bragging about how great it was he could pay PhDs $30k a year in India.
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Jul 21, 2023 18:24
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:I told some auditors that there was no evidence they could gather via screenshots of what I was showing that that I could not fake. The assurance profession is a joke.
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Jul 21, 2023 18:26
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:I told some auditors that there was no evidence they could gather via screenshots of what I was showing that that I could not fake. Mmmm, how'd that play out? Feels like best practice is just present a bunch of process flow charts with little arrows at checkpoint boxes and not mention that it is just you on the whole thing w/ zero oversight.
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Jul 21, 2023 18:54
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Never look for sense in the senseless, that's how you go mad at work. Just accept that poo poo is dumb/pointless/wildly inefficient/illegal and do whatever you need to protect your own rear end and move on with your life
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Jul 21, 2023 18:56
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Jenkl posted:You do seem like you are taking this personally, but I get why. You're trying to make sense of the whole process. That's your mistake. I can't really add anything to this. The easiest way to deal with auditors is to give them what they want, how they want it, by the time they want it. Don't question it, just take your screenshots and shove them into an Excel file, and email them off to whoever is asking for them. The 23 year old first year from E&Y or whoever is doing the audit has no loving clue about anything. They are solely there to check a box that you provided evidence for whatever control or process they're auditing. There's lots of poo poo to go crazy about in a corp environment, don't waste your time on the audit poo poo. Just provide what you're asked and move on (as long as the ask is reasonable*) I have to do dumbshit all the time like take a screenshot of the logging services running on our servers showing the logs are being sent to the log system. They don't actually check the config of the service, or want a log as evidence. I just show splunkforwarder.exe is running in a screenshot with the system date and time showing. It's all a loving joke and life is easier once you come to terms with it. *I once had an auditor ask for a bunch of confidential info that wasn't germane to the audit and I pushed back hard on that and got upper management involved.
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Jul 21, 2023 20:20
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Guessing a lot of the people becoming frustrated with audits are not in the finance profession. As near as I can tell, the most time-honored Professional Game in accounting is "Answer every question as narrowly as possible so as to limit the number of follow-up questions. Whoever receives the fewest follow-up questions wins." Note: naturally, even accountants are frustrated with audits because most of us aren't auditors and it's just another speedbump in us trying to get all our poo poo done day-to-day.
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Jul 21, 2023 20:43
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I'm in IT, and it's always been, answer as narrowly as possible/give them only what they ask for, so they don't find out about all the poo poo we don't want them to find out. Never volunteer information was beaten into me early in my career when dealing with Auditors.
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Jul 21, 2023 21:13
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Zarin posted:
I hate auditors because I’m a cfo who cleans up companies and gets told “well we had clean audits”.
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Jul 21, 2023 22:25
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skipdogg posted:I can't really add anything to this. The easiest way to deal with auditors is to give them what they want, how they want it, by the time they want it. Don't question it, just take your screenshots and shove them into an Excel file, and email them off to whoever is asking for them. My internal audit rep did like 2-3 years at EY before working here. She isn't a computer expert, she is an EY expert. For a self-described not computer expert doesn't ask any stupid questions. I can throw a dump of our group memberships and permissions at her, and she organizes it in a way the auditor will like. And then we review the couple things that might seem off but are ok so she can have the justification ready.
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Jul 21, 2023 22:35
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Inner Light posted:Looking at their stock chart compared to SP500 over past number of years, are you confident putting eggs in that basket? I say that as a Bob Iger fan myself. I've spent the past 6+ years working for Series A-C startups, so Disney would be much more stable by comparison (but at the cost of crippling corporate bureaucracy). It's also not like Disney is circling the drain, though the media landscape is going to be interesting over the next few years. I'm just tired ya'll
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Jul 21, 2023 23:28
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Baddog posted:Mmmm, how'd that play out? They said they'd have to go away and check about it and I never heard from them again and then I left. I probably posted it before but the same audit team took an evidence screenshot of code that literally did nothing. It was quite literally a loop that went "nothing to do, sleep".
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Jul 21, 2023 23:36
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I have to do my first self-review ever and while I think I'm generally OK at selling myself, I'm not 100% sure what the right tone is for this. We have a 1-5 rating, with 4 being "Outperforming" and 5 being "Role Model". I've been here 6 months so 5 is out of the question, but I'm confident I can justify a 4. One of the metrics I'm evaluating myself against is: "Met quality SLAs for [customer]". Does something like this sound right? "I pride myself on going above and beyond our customer’s quality requirements. The customer’s legal and business staff, as well as their external counsel, have commended me multiple times for pointing out critical issues, including many not specifically detailed within our processes or playbook." For context, we have something like a 30-point checklist but there's no process through which the customer validates our work. We only get feedback when someone notices an error on something we do, but that doesn't necessarily mean everything we do is error-free. My manager knows this so I can't say something like "I have an error-free rate of 99.9%" just because the customer bitched about only 1 out of a 1000 documents.
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Jul 22, 2023 06:06
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Gonna ignore no drunk-posting rules and do it anyway. gently caress everything today. I spent 8 hours in meetings and then a 9th meeting hit my calendar to complain that I did nothing today but meetings. gently caress all of that.
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Jul 22, 2023 06:19
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dpkg chopra posted:I have to do my first self-review ever and while I think I'm generally OK at selling myself, I'm not 100% sure what the right tone is for this. Ask your manager and colleagues to learn more about how your organization actually approaches and uses these things. Where I am they won't actually give out 5s because you have to do a bunch of extra work and get sign offs from higher ups. Also, since nobody actually gets 5s, a 4 is all you need to show that you're more capable than Joe shmoe. That said, I'd fluff up your last sentence to be more like "...pointing out critical issues above and beyond those previously identified in our playbook." Also, you absolutely can say your error rate is 99.9%. If an error is made in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, it never happened.
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Jul 22, 2023 15:17
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Jenkl posted:Also, you absolutely can say your error rate is 99.9%. That's performance art right there
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Jul 22, 2023 15:32
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I said I was outperforming, I never said it was at a good thing.
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Jul 22, 2023 15:50
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Self assessed performance reviews are a great use case for ChatGPT. All performance reviews are actually.
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Jul 22, 2023 16:02
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Jordan7hm posted:Self assessed performance reviews are a great use case for ChatGPT. Yup. I had to write 14 feedbacks + my own personal review during the last review cycle and I used ChatGPT. Just make sure not to submit any sensitive information and use abbreviations for all names and projects. Even with ChatGPT, still a complete waste of time though considering how politicized everything is and everything is already set on who gets promoted.
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Jul 22, 2023 16:10
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Sundae posted:Gonna ignore no drunk-posting rules and do it anyway. gently caress everything today. I spent 8 hours in meetings and then a 9th meeting hit my calendar to complain that I did nothing today but meetings. Who the hell would do that last gently caress you on a Friday no less?
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Jul 22, 2023 16:13
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I wrote my personal review right after my dad died and I was put on a PIP for a sarcastic email so I hope my manager doesn’t actually read it. Or does, whatever.
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Jul 22, 2023 16:38
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Busy Bee posted:Yup. I had to write 14 feedbacks + my own personal review during the last review cycle and I used ChatGPT. Just make sure not to submit any sensitive information and use abbreviations for all names and projects. 100% this, when I was managing contractors there was one who was punching above her weight class and the rest were doing fine, it was obvious who was going to get the promotion. Thankfully the one kicking rear end was hired fulltime so I had more money to spread around for bonuses before I jumped ship full time my self.
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Jul 22, 2023 20:19
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Shrieking Muppet posted:100% this, when I was managing contractors there was one who was punching above her weight class and the rest were doing fine, it was obvious who was going to get the promotion. Thankfully the one kicking rear end was hired fulltime so I had more money to spread around for bonuses before I jumped ship full time my self. Yeah it's unfortunate. The last promotion cycle a lot of the PM's were promoted while all the IC's who actually worked exceptionally well on those products and projects were completely shafted. A lot of people are not happy.
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Jul 23, 2023 17:02
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Busy Bee posted:Yeah it's unfortunate. The last promotion cycle a lot of the PM's were promoted while all the IC's who actually worked exceptionally well on those products and projects were completely shafted. A lot of people are not happy. At my old job they announced the changes to the long standing and hated "IT title system" which was purely a barrier to promoting people through the main titles. Anyway, one problem was that there was no track for actual technical contribution past a mid level, everything became so some of generic manager/pm hybrid, so all technical talent would leave because they could never progress while actually writing any code, and they'd go get a title increase (and pay rise) somewhere else. So of course in the changes they added two new project manager tracks 
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Jul 23, 2023 17:44
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I learned in like my second year on the job that audits are meaningless after having this conversation Auditor: What are your tape backup procedures? Me: We don't do tape backups, our data mirrors to another site automatically onto similar hardware [and I described the process a little bit] Auditor: OK, where are your tapes stored? Me: I . . . I just told you we don't do tape backups Auditor: Ok, what's the time length you retain tapes for? Me: I SAID WE DON'T DO TAPE BACKUPS, WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE I was for sure annoyed and taking it personally at the time, and now I know that most auditors are just reading a literal script and don't know a single thing about what they're auditing and as others have said just give short but accurate answers and smile and nod.
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Jul 23, 2023 18:26
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https://i.imgur.com/h94FCbN.mp4
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Jul 23, 2023 19:52
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some of it survived, should have used more explosives
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Jul 24, 2023 03:13
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I've never had problems with these print/scan/copy machines such that they earned this sort of hatred. PC load letter just means load some letter size paper.
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Jul 24, 2023 05:14
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I once had a manager who insisted on moderating performance review stats into averages across the board. I never said anything about it because I knew I was moving on soon enough, but one person on a parallel team became the subject of gossip for changing jobs in a hurry, and when asked about notice period, said "I'm just a completely average employee like everyone else, you should have no trouble replacing me!" I suspect that the manager didn't get the memo about talking the employee up while kicking the stats down.
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Jul 24, 2023 11:29
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How much money would it take you to go from a cushy government union/pension job to corporate? I'm in a solidly middle class government job right now, but there's a posting for something exactly in my wheelhouse for 2.5x my current salary, which is a lot of money. I always had an inkling that if I went private sector it would take about that much to balance out the loss of those sweet government perks.
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Jul 24, 2023 14:15
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I would imagine that much money would easily cover union/pension (though be smart and setup all the saving stuff day 1, don't get used to the larger salary). Can't really answer if the harder job is worth it though, that's kind of your own calculas.
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Jul 24, 2023 14:24
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