(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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my rear end just got blasted by some 20 year old PTSD so ive just been in bed all day. i tried to go out and ended up crying in a department store once i realized this was also my coping device immediately proceeding The Incident.  good thing i have work in the morning!
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Jul 22, 2023 04:37
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| # ? May 23, 2024 11:35 |
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you have to work to survive
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Jul 22, 2023 11:51
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what if i get really good at robbing banks? huh? what then?
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Jul 22, 2023 15:14
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cash crab posted:my rear end just got blasted by some 20 year old PTSD so ive just been in bed all day. i tried to go out and ended up crying in a department store once i realized this was also my coping device immediately proceeding The Incident. Hope you took a day and went easy on yourself.
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Jul 22, 2023 15:17
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yeah, luckily i already took care of all my chores and poo poo so i had the day to just be an amoeba in bed. i am supposed to go to a tailgater tonight but i think i will feign some tummy problem to get out of it: no way am i drinking and talking to strangers today
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Jul 22, 2023 16:47
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I was incredibly stressed out last week and then woke up at 3:30am for no reason and couldn't go back to sleep, and I was so frustrated I hit myself in the cheekbone a few times. Well on Sunday I look in the mirror and it turns out I gave myself a bit of a black eye from that. There's a work picnic on Wednesday where I was gonna do some networking but lol now I get to do it Ed Norton in Fight Club style. My partner is on vacation elsewhere and I debated even telling her so as not to put a damper on things but I did, she is supportive and my mental health has since stabilized and I've learned my lesson about doing that poo poo. But yeah I'm liking how my mental health is just kinda spiraling and I have to accept consequences from my body on top of that. No lucky breaks, not even from my own body. It's like I'll show you keeping the score motherfucker.
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Jul 24, 2023 19:28
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drat, that sucks (and is definitely pretty awkward, since it's harder to come up with an excuse for that sort of thing as an adult). I completely understand that sort of frustration. I remember futilely trying to knock myself out by slamming my head into things while experiencing opiate withdrawal. I also gave myself a black eye once, though I was a kid (IIRC I was 11 or 12) and it was because I had the bright idea to try playing baseball, but with a basketball. My friend throws the basketball and I hit it with my aluminum baseball bat, which proceeds to bounce off the basketball and slam into my face (it happened so fast that I was just sort of stunned - it didn't even hurt that much, but my friend mentioned that I was getting a huge black eye). Other kids at school thought I had been in a fight, which I did not deny.
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Jul 24, 2023 19:44
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Ytlaya posted:drat, that sucks (and is definitely pretty awkward, since it's harder to come up with an excuse for that sort of thing as an adult). I completely understand that sort of frustration. I remember futilely trying to knock myself out by slamming my head into things while experiencing opiate withdrawal. My cover story is an ajar cabinet door that I caught with my cheek. This is plausible because of my galley kitchen and it probably would have happened that way for real if I didn't always put my hand on them before rising from bending down. ETA: A mask covers it and I work healthcare so I don't need to justify wearing one. skooma512 has issued a correction as of 20:44 on Jul 24, 2023 |
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Jul 24, 2023 19:49
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If it helps the literal inspiration for Fight Club was the author getting his face messed up by a thorn bush and realizing no one at work was bothering to ask him about it
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Jul 24, 2023 20:36
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skooma512 posted:I was incredibly stressed out last week and then woke up at 3:30am for no reason and couldn't go back to sleep, and I was so frustrated I hit myself in the cheekbone a few times. wow, that sounds intense and scary and kind of a big deal. i know the system is against you, but i hope you're able to resource as best you can. i am once again mentioning various 12 step programs which are free and their different flavors are applicable to everybody in this disgusting country
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Jul 24, 2023 23:16
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I am (finally!) going to try getting my driver's license. It's something that I've been putting off, not because I had fortunately been living in walkable cities for most of my adulthood but also because of test and driving anxiety. I'm still really anxious about this but it's about time I start working toward my license again.
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Jul 27, 2023 09:47
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poverty sucks. i have now cleaned enough toilets that my bank account has (barely) four figures in it for the first time in years. do i use this to move out of home? or do i spend it on some of my long-untreated medical problems? or do i hold onto it in case of unexpected disaster? i can only choose one, and if i make the wrong decision, it will take months of grinding to save up enough for a second go, so i am paralysed by worries like "what if i spend all this money and then my dog gets hit by a car or something"
a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 10:02 on Jul 27, 2023 |
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Jul 27, 2023 09:57
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a strange fowl posted:poverty sucks. i have now cleaned enough toilets that my bank account has (barely) four figures in it for the first time in years. do i use this to move out of home? or do i spend it on some of my long-untreated medical problems? or do i hold onto it in case of unexpected disaster? i can only choose one, and if i make the wrong decision, it will take months of grinding to save up enough for a second go. i know literally billions of people are facing this scenario, and it sucks for each and every one of us. medical/save
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Jul 27, 2023 10:02
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fixed
a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 05:41 on Jul 28, 2023 |
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Jul 27, 2023 10:04
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a strange fowl posted:my therapist keeps telling me i need to move out oof. ok that makes sense why you'd ask goons for a second opinion. i don't know what your renting options/expenses would be or what your safety net is. or relationship with who you currently live with rent free. if you move out and for whatever reason need to move back in, do you know if that would be an option? are you extremely secure in your job or do you know you'd be able to find another one right away if you had to? if those are both yes then i'd probably do it for medical stuff, is it current health maintenance stuff you've been putting off and need or paying debts? i'd pay for health maintenance stuff. gently caress medical debt. Witeldram posted:I am (finally!) going to try getting my driver's license. It's something that I've been putting off, not because I had fortunately been living in walkable cities for most of my adulthood but also because of test and driving anxiety. I'm still really anxious about this but it's about time I start working toward my license again. good luck!
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Jul 27, 2023 10:34
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a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 05:35 on Jul 28, 2023 |
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Jul 27, 2023 10:42
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no worries. it's the void scream thread. and that does sound void scream worthy 
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Jul 27, 2023 11:00
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Cuttlefush posted:no worries. it's the void scream thread. and that does sound void scream worthy  there's a lot that sucks about my situation, but also a lot that's workable. it feels less hopeless than it did an hour ago. thank you for the feedback.my therapist is fantastic. the few gaps in their expertise aren't their fault, i can't fault anyone for not having had my exact set of circumstances, but it's helpful to have somewhere to vent when that happens so i don't waste valuable therapy time getting annoyed about it.
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Jul 27, 2023 11:39
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a strange fowl posted:poverty sucks. i have now cleaned enough toilets that my bank account has (barely) four figures in it for the first time in years. do i use this to move out of home? or do i spend it on some of my long-untreated medical problems? or do i hold onto it in case of unexpected disaster? i can only choose one, and if i make the wrong decision, it will take months of grinding to save up enough for a second go, so i am paralysed by worries like "what if i spend all this money and then my dog gets hit by a car or something" If your dog does get hit by a car or you run into some other unexpected expense, feel free to PM me. I have some extra cash because the guy I'm hosting in my apartment insisted on paying rent.
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Jul 27, 2023 13:29
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So, I've been in regular therapy, and while I like my therapist its starting to feel like I'm not getting a ton out of it? I've been in a good mood lately, the things that were really triggering me are largely out of my life now, and I have like, actual hope for my own personal future in a way I haven't for a solid decade. A fair few sessions in a row have been...kind of pointless? Admittedly I could also try to be more prepared for sessions. I have several long-term issues that we've started to untangle but not really gotten far into, and I could try and spend several sessions being more focused on those rather than immediate issues? I'd have to take presession notes, which I've done in the past but been lazy about lately. a strange fowl posted:i do feel better now for screaming Extremely reasonable! I'm glad you feel a bit better, its good to know that at least one place on this blighted internet isn't a nightmare.
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Jul 27, 2023 16:19
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Bring in a good place with no immediate issues sounds like the ideal baseline to get into the deeper stuff.
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Jul 27, 2023 19:22
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Yeah also if you feel like you're okay with it, you could try cutting back on frequency if that's just too often for you
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Jul 27, 2023 19:27
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This website is not healthy for you
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Jul 27, 2023 19:43
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Zerg Mans posted:This website is not healthy for you  i'm so sorry. i am really, really trying to stop oversharing. it's a habit that's incredibly hard to break. i do actually have friends, strange as it may seem, but am chronically averse to emotionally burdening anyone irl. so i do it here, with strangers, where it just makes everyone feel bad. i recognise this is not a good thing. a strange fowl has issued a correction as of 12:01 on Jul 28, 2023 |
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Jul 28, 2023 11:39
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Troutful posted:If your dog does get hit by a car or you run into some other unexpected expense, feel free to PM me. I have some extra cash because the guy I'm hosting in my apartment insisted on paying rent.
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Jul 28, 2023 12:22
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e: removed because i just changed my mind about sharing too much but i will say watching your parents age is the worst
cash crab has issued a correction as of 22:14 on Jul 29, 2023 |
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Jul 29, 2023 00:05
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I swear to god, sometimes it's just one thing straight into another straight into another. Simultaneously dealing with trying to get my various stuff back after some stupid bureaucratic fuckup messes with all my benefits like food stamps, medicaid, etc, some sort of wrist issue that has left me in blistering pain up to my elbow and unable to bend my wrist, and then a hard drive failure making it so much harder to get anything done, all on top of the other normal stuff, its really getting extremely old. I know the phrase is when it rains, it pours, but sometimes you just want it to go back to the pouring vs the tornado ripping its way through your house. Jesus Christ.
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Jul 30, 2023 09:14
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a strange fowl posted:poverty sucks. i have now cleaned enough toilets that my bank account has (barely) four figures in it for the first time in years. do i use this to move out of home? or do i spend it on some of my long-untreated medical problems? or do i hold onto it in case of unexpected disaster? i can only choose one, and if i make the wrong decision, it will take months of grinding to save up enough for a second go, so i am paralysed by worries like "what if i spend all this money and then my dog gets hit by a car or something" lol poverty is such a loving pandemic and we lie to ourselves biiiiigtime about its severity and effects on us, especially health and mental, as the butt-end sufferers of the problem The universe doesn't apologize, so here: Sorry everything blows loving dicks. I'm here with you man, a lot of us are and feel the same crush.
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Jul 30, 2023 16:34
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God drat it, I've been so doompilled this last week. Everything my family keeps asking me about "When are you going to get a house/friends/an SO" drives me up the wall because I don't know if civilization will survive the next 10 years. I live in a country I regret moving to and will never accept me. My country of origin will be destroyed by the climate. Everything feels meaningless and I am sick of staring at the clock waiting for the end. EDIT: I know the standard advice is "don't read bad news" but here's the thing: it's EVERYWHERE. Every entertainment podcast will have at least one person at some point mention the "dying planet" or "the world getting crazy". Unless I completely isolate myself from the world and stop doing everything I still like it will seep in. It's like a bad joke. I value truth, reason, getting along, not being swayed by emotion, and the world is making a mockery of EVERY ONE of those things. This must be what Hell is like. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 16:58 on Jul 30, 2023 |
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Jul 30, 2023 16:54
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I'm also spending all my money on takeout on the country with the most expensive restaurants in the planet. Help.
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Jul 30, 2023 17:29
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AceOfFlames posted:Help. sure, what type of help would you like us to provide?
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Jul 30, 2023 18:29
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I don't know. I have looked at so many recipes and end up doing none of them. I just think of the hundreds of other things I have to do like work assignments, learning Norwegian, cleaning my house, getting a gym membership, selling old things, looking into houses to buy, knowing if this is the country I want to live in, knowing if this is the job I should be pursuing, thinking of whether I should have a plan for societal collapse and if I even want to live in such a world, dealing with my aging parents, dealing with my judging sibling, wondering whether my family thinks I am a radical simply for not going along with their beliefs that rich people deserve their success and most people are lazy, wondering if I am lazy, seeing if I should make an effort to be more social, wondering if I should get a new therapist since she is 10% good advice, 60% passively listening and 20% clueless advice ("maybe you are lazy"), etc. What am I doing wrong? How do normal people deal with this? Is there some pathology I have I can't find? Am I just making excuses? if you don't have an answer just be honest and say "I wish I knew how to help you". I wish more people would just say that instead of giving some prosaic advice.
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Jul 30, 2023 18:37
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AceOfFlames posted:I don't know. I have looked at so many recipes and end up doing none of them. I just think of the hundreds of other things I have to do like work assignments, learning Norwegian, cleaning my house, getting a gym membership, selling old things, looking into houses to buy, knowing if this is the country I want to live in, knowing if this is the job I should be pursuing, thinking of whether I should have a plan for societal collapse and if I even want to live in such a world, dealing with my aging parents, dealing with my judging sibling, wondering whether my family thinks I am a radical simply for not going along with their beliefs that rich people deserve their success and most people are lazy, wondering if I am lazy, seeing if I should make an effort to be more social, wondering if I should get a new therapist since she is 10% good advice, 60% passively listening and 20% clueless advice ("maybe you are lazy"), etc. So when I moved to NYC a while back the two biggest things that helped me was concentrating on my work and what it was that I really wanted to do for fun in the city. The work made my housing and the fun possible, and the fun made everything else worthwhile. Think about what it is that you want to get out of your move and try to think strategically about how you want to get those things. As far as food goes, it'd be a lot easier for you if you just cook a huge portion of something that you can imagine eating over the week and then making little meals that you pack in tupperware. You moved to Norway for a reason. Think about what you lacked before the move and look for ways to get it now that you're where you are.
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Jul 30, 2023 18:44
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AceOfFlames posted:Is there some pathology I have I can't find? Have you been evaluated for depression or anxiety? AceOfFlames posted:Am I just making excuses? No. Your situation sounds challenging and you sound frustrated. It doesn't sound like you're not trying. AceOfFlames posted:I value truth, reason, getting along, not being swayed by emotion, and the world is making a mockery of EVERY ONE of those things. This must be what Hell is like. What do you think is bad about being swayed by emotion?
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Jul 30, 2023 22:29
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Starting to develop some better habits - I just moved out of my parents' house into a new place that's really good for me, I'm near some friends and way closer to the things I wanna do. Trying to cook more than I eat out and be more social generally. Getting some income is probably the next big goal but I have a pretty long runway on that so I am not taking it too seriously. Might sling pizza again because it was easy to just exist doing that and I still had plenty of time for the things I enjoy. Also developed a new life goal of getting a soda fountain installed in this place.
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Jul 31, 2023 00:05
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Troutful posted:What do you think is bad about being swayed by emotion? I used to be like this and prided myself on not being swayed by emotion. In retrospect that sucked and getting in touch with my emotions has been pretty great. I like a nice balance of thinking with my head and my heart.
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Jul 31, 2023 08:22
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My girlfriend has been having bad night terrors and waking flashbacks recently. It's so hard making sure she eats and takes care of herself.because she will forget and i don't have the executive action to remind her all the time. Right now she is starving and i cant convince her to spend some of our remaininf cash to order some breakfast for delivery. So i'm just hanging out in another room mentally preparing for another day of sheer unpredictability. Poverty is an awful state to be in
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Jul 31, 2023 13:08
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I feel like i am making a lot of progress on my part, but i dont live in a vacuum. My parents are miserable in their own way and my girlfriend's mood is wildly unstable. It doesn't matter if i feel i've felt accomplished one day becsuse there's no stability in my life from one day to the next. Siiigh. And the thing is, i understand the real answer to resolving this is stable housing and a steady income but you know, capitalism likes to gatekeep those and we are not well enough to figure out the sphinxes's riddle to employment SardonicTyrant has issued a correction as of 13:22 on Jul 31, 2023 |
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Jul 31, 2023 13:19
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If it helps to think about, the more progress you make the more the people around you will have someone stable in their lives
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Jul 31, 2023 13:24
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| # ? May 23, 2024 11:35 |
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I dont know if i can believe that right now but i'll keep an open mind. Best i can do for now
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Jul 31, 2023 13:42
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