r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Cowslips Warren posted:

Aitah for giving my wife an ultimatum over adoption?

Bolding mine.

So that stable home thing I think has passed.

OTOH I suspect a lot of kids in the system would kill for a loving single-parent home so ...

# ? Aug 1, 2023 04:01

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# ? May 28, 2024 10:54

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for the way I reacted to my neurotypical children telling me they won't be caring for their sibling?

quote:

I have three children, my boys Jay (20) and Jack (11). And my daughter Jen (18). Jack is on the autism spectrum, has severe ADHD, and has many other issues. We've known for a while now that Jack will never be self-sufficient. He needs constant care, and while he's been getting better, the doctors say he will probably never be able to be left alone for long periods of time.

Despite this, Jack is the sweetest boy you will ever meet. He's not violent at all and just needs help is all. Well, we've made sure that both of our neurotypical kids know that one day they are going to need to start taking care of Jack when the time comes when I and their dad cannot. Jen has always been neutral, but Jay has always been incredibly obstinate and rude about it. I've put it down to being young and having his life ahead of him but the year he went to college he made it very clear to me that he will not be taking care of Jake in any way and since then I've been arguing about it with him.

Well, right now Jay is home for a few weeks and things have been too good and should have been a sign to come. Friday night, Jay and Jen said they wanted to talk to me and their dad about something serious. Jay started off by saying that he's stepping in because Jen is too afraid to talk on her own to me about this. He said, very rudely, that neither of them will ever be taking care of Jake. He told me that they were not raised to be "caretakers" and that "it's absurd to expect their children to figure out this future issue for them."

I and Jay got into an incredibly heated shouting match. I truly believe this kind of mindset is selfish and evil. Jake is their brother, their flesh and blood, and he did not ask to need to be taken care of. For them to just abandon him like this is absurd. I'm not telling them to put their lives on hold and be his caretaker, only that when the time comes that we can't take care of him they will need to.

We got nowhere and my husband stepped in and took Jay out of the house, I had hoped to have a discussion about his actions but I know now that was not the case. Jay has not spoken a word to me since. Jen has been completely cold to me as well. When I brought the subject up last night to figure out her real opinions she just said "are you going to yell at me like you do Jay?: and that was the end of it.

Jay leaves tonight and I am still livid. I asked my husband this morning when he plans to actually get involved and he told me to "cool my loving jets." He asked why I insist on ruining my relationship with our adult children and told me that Friday night Jay told him he's going no contact with me because all I do is yell at him.

I regret how I handled this now. But, at the same time, Jay is acting like a complete brat and I have a feeling he turned Jen against me and Jake as well.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 04:27

Corzaa: Aug 1, 2006

wheatpuppy posted:

OTOH I suspect a lot of kids in the system would kill for a loving single-parent home so ...

He�s not getting that kid. The household has changed fundamentally.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 04:27

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Pomme de Terror posted:

Speaking of mac and cheese...

AITA for ignoring my bf for the rest of the night bc he told me “you should know how to cook bc you’re a woman.”

Love the straightforward ones

Yes, because you lack the self respect to have dumped him on the spot instead.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 04:30

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Khanstant posted:

Lmao jfc I hate this attitude. I learned at some point of several times my dad was going to get something for me but was prevented by my stepmom unless they both wanted to buy my younger brothers the same. Whatever to a car in high school or any the school trips abroad, but lmao my dad was going to give me his GI Bill so I didn't have to get loans, but saved it for baby bro who joined the Marines (they were pushing for military anyway) and got his own GI Bill anyway.

It also didn't work both ways, it was specifically if I got something and I was the oldest by like 8 years so of course I sometimes needed things they didn't.

lol your mom sucks rear end

AITA for telling my aunt her new kitten looked like a scrotum?

# ? Aug 1, 2023 04:35

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

quantumwell posted:

If my older brother wanted to constantly follow me around instead of having his own friends and made fun of my interests I think I'd have a big flipping problem with it. I don't know why they think eventually telling him his brother is autistic is going to somehow make life better for the younger son. Hell, I don't know why they haven't told him already, pretty useless parenting.

They just tried to hide the fact that their son was autistic from him for 6 years, instead of, I dunno, having him in treatment and therapy for it. Remarkable parenting there.

Batterypowered7 posted:

Wasn't the Pinto the Ford vehicle that killed a bunch of people in the 80s?

Their gas tanks are really vulnerable to being punctured and exploding/catching fire, and they're pretty famous for Ford trying to cover that fact up, but they weren't, like, killing mass amounts of people or anything.

Elviscat fucked around with this message at 04:59 on Aug 1, 2023

# ? Aug 1, 2023 04:56

MrQwerty: Apr 15, 2003; LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL (づ￣ �￣)づ♥(�∀�●)

Elviscat posted:

Their gas tanks are really vulnerable to being punctured and exploding/catching fire, and they're pretty famous for Ford trying to cover that fact up, but they weren't, like, killing mass amounts of people or anything.

Yeah the engineering and design flaws of the fuel system absolutely made Pintos a menace to society, and the way that Ford tried to cover it up was heinous. The Pinto was actually safer than the Corolla of the era as far as people dying in accidents, though; you just gotta ignore that uptick above the median on rear-end collision fatalities.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:04

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Cowslips Warren posted:

I mean washable diapers are a thing but wouldn't a bidet just be easier for Mr Environment?

Technically speaking having a kid is far worse for the environment than toilet paper.

For these people it's absolutely not about environmentalism, it's about making literally every aspect of your life into a performative statement. It's too on the nose if anything but these people exist.

FoolyCharged posted:

This was a good one because I thought this dude was just a raging homophobe that had disowned his gay brother, and then the spoiler text hit and that whole thought went up in smoke.

The gently caress kinda person puts a bumper sticker on someone else's car without permission?

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:15

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for buying my daughter a book instead of a car for her 16th birthday?

I might have been the only kid happy not to get a car for my 16th birthday. I was terrified to learn to drive, because my dad had been my teacher and his idea of teaching was to scream at me whenever I moved the car too slow, which was all the time. His chosen area to teach me happened to be in the parking lot of a local college the first week school started, so a ton of traffic and people running all about.

There are multiple AITA posts now referencing this same book. Like, repeatedly listing the (very long) title and author. I can't tell if it is some kind of hamfisted marketing ploy, or someone making fun of this poster.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:21

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The gently caress kinda person puts a bumper sticker on someone else's car without permission?

The kinda person you made up in your head to yell about on the internet.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:28

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for shouting at my lactose intolerant little sister to stop eating cheese?

quote:

So my younger sister and I share a bedroom, if you�re wondering why, it�s because my house has three bedrooms and my two brothers share one room, the other is for my parents. My bedroom is medium sized and fits a two metre wardrobe. Recently, I got a desk in the room since I�ll be needing it to study for school, so my sister and I had to stack our two single beds on top of each other to have one bunk bed with me sleeping at the bottom. (This is just background info for later)

Yesterday I saw her making a grilled cheese sandwich, and warned her that it wasn�t good for her lactose intolerance, she has severe lactose intolerance which causes her to break out and start puking as well. But she shrugged it off and said that she�d be fine.

Later on in the night she started to get a stomach ache and while she wasn�t puking, she kept farting these putrid farts and also kept burping. I told her to leave the room and go to the loo to do what she needed to do but she ignored me. That night, the wether was quite hot so my room was very humid and stuffy so her farting was literally causing my stomach to ache. So instead of asking her to leave the room (which I had already done twice before) I opened the window to allow some fresh air to come in. At this, she starting yelling for my dad that I was opening the window (she was recovering from a cold) and my dad asked me to close it. When I explained to him the situation, he told me that I was being a drama queen and that I needed to stop being selfish.

For more context I am a very smell sensitive person and even smells such as air or car freshener, diffusers, candles, body washes also causes me to have a headache and nausea. So I got very angry at her and started screaming at her that she was allergic to cheese so she needed to stop eating it along with yelling at her to get out of the room.

Everyone in my family said that I b,ew it out of proportion and that I�m being too dramatic, my sister said that I was being controlling and manipulative and that I was an rear end in a top hat. I personally felt very frustrated and extremely annoyed at her for not being understanding at all. So, am I the rear end in a top hat??

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:39

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

I'm glad I'm not lactose intolerant, because if I had to choose between not eating cheese and becoming a repulsive fart monster, I don't think I have it in me to choose the more pleasant option

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:42

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Yes yes, we're all goons here

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:43

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

AITAH for firing the nanny because she keeps using my bathroom?

quote:

I (31M) have a daughter (1). I�m a single dad so I hired a live in nanny (Emma, 27) to help take care of my daughter when I�m at work. When Emma moved in, I told her to please not enter my room and bathroom unless it was necessary. I didn�t want to look like a douche by locking my doors so I just asked her to not enter my room.

I started realising that Emma would shower in my bathroom. I would come home and the floor of the shower would be wet and some stuff would be out of place. I�m a neat guy so I know I didn�t leave my sink like that, and water from my morning shower usually dries by the time I get home.

About 2 months ago, I get home and there�s blood and a tampon in my toilet. I mean I knew that Emma had been using my bathroom but it hadn�t hit me till then. I left my room and asked her if her bathroom works ok, if the shower is fine and all. She said yeah it�s fine. I asked why she had been using mine then. She looked at me without answering for a few seconds then said �sorry, I won�t do it again�. I accepted that and told her to let me know if there�s something she wants changed or fixed in her bathroom and we�ll get to it.

2 days later, blood and a tampon in my toilet, and a wet shower floor, again. At this point I got very agitated. She had gone to bed by the time I noticed so I asked her about it the next morning before I left for work. I asked her why she had used my bathroom again if there�s nothing wrong with her bathroom. She said the same thing she said before �sorry, I won�t do it again�. I told her frankly if she enters my room or bathroom without a good reason again, I�m not going to be willing to have her in my home anymore and we can cancel the contract.

Things were fine for a while after that. I thought of just locking my door but I wanted to see if she�d actually keep her word and not enter my room or bathroom again. She didn�t (from what I could tell) so it was fine. On Saturday, I took my daughter to the park and the plan was to run my errands after that but my daughter got really fussy so we just came back home. When we walked through the door, I heard a door shut upstairs, footsteps, then another door opening and closing. I thought maybe she had gone to my daughters room for something but when I entered my room, there was an empty coffee mug on my bedside table. It wasn�t mine. Nothing else was out of place or weird but that was evidence enough that she had been in my room again. I asked her why she had been in my room this time. She didn�t say anything and just stared at me. I said I�ve had enough of her not following a very simple rule and I don�t want to be uncomfortable in my own home because of her. I said we will cancel the contract and I will pay her the fee for that.

She didn�t argue with me or defend herself. I told my two friends what happened because I asked them to help me find a new nanny. They laughed and asked if I�m seriously firing her over something like that. They said she didn�t steal anything or do anything terrible so it�s stupid for me to have fired her. I thought I was totally justified but they�ve made me rethink it a bit now. AITAH?

Do people� regularly put tampons in toilets? I�ve only encountered that once or twice in public women�s restrooms (and one had two bloody tampons at once, which I�m still sorta baffled about people doubling up on tampons).

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:47

AmiYumi: Oct 10, 2005; I FORGOT TO HAIL KING TORG

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITAH for telling my bf that his exes faked their orgasms?

This stupid fuckin� rear end in a top hat :psyduck:

What other response did you possibly expect to get to �you dumb broad, I knows what it looks like when a fee-male is faking it� :smug:

poo poo, I kinda wish I was dating him, just to see the look on his face after he handed me his ego, giftwrapped, for me to crush

_{^{not enough to put up with his baby dick energy overall though}}

# ? Aug 1, 2023 05:50

Clocks: Oct 2, 2007

Crocobile posted:

AITAH for firing the nanny because she keeps using my bathroom?

Do people… regularly put tampons in toilets? I’ve only encountered that once or twice in public women’s restrooms (and one had two bloody tampons at once, which I’m still sorta baffled about people doubling up on tampons).

I mean, two decades ago I was taught that you could flush the tampon itself (not the applicator, naturally) but apparently people are split on that now and it's best to throw the tampon out as well? Regardless if it was actually in the toilet it should've been flushed. Maybe the toilet just didn't flush all the way but if you're gonna stealth-use someone's bathroom you should probably be careful about that.

If there's nothing actually wrong with the nanny's own bathroom (and he said he asked if anything needed fixed etc) then I do think her using his bathroom against his wishes is kinda hosed up. Because now he can't trust her, which means he can't trust her with his kid(s), either.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:01

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Captain Hygiene posted:

I'm glad I'm not lactose intolerant, because if I had to choose between not eating cheese and becoming a repulsive fart monster, I don't think I have it in me to choose the more pleasant option

The trick I figured out is to chase it down with lactose free- or rather, lactase-added milk, which seems to cancel it out. You can get flat out lactase pills as well.

Clocks posted:

I mean, two decades ago I was taught that you could flush the tampon itself (not the applicator, naturally) but apparently people are split on that now and it's best to throw the tampon out as well? Regardless if it was actually in the toilet it should've been flushed. Maybe the toilet just didn't flush all the way but if you're gonna stealth-use someone's bathroom you should probably be careful about that.

If there's nothing actually wrong with the nanny's own bathroom (and he said he asked if anything needed fixed etc) then I do think her using his bathroom against his wishes is kinda hosed up. Because now he can't trust her, which means he can't trust her with his kid(s), either.

It would not surprise me that women get taught everything wrong on hygiene a little too often as well.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:13

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The trick I figured out is to chase it down with lactose free- or rather, lactase-added milk, which seems to cancel it out. You can get flat out lactase pills as well.

Sufficiently hard cheeses tend to be lactose-free as well.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:15

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

Clocks posted:

I mean, two decades ago I was taught that you could flush the tampon itself (not the applicator, naturally) but apparently people are split on that now and it's best to throw the tampon out as well? Regardless if it was actually in the toilet it should've been flushed. Maybe the toilet just didn't flush all the way but if you're gonna stealth-use someone's bathroom you should probably be careful about that.

I�ve always been taught never to flush tampons. They�re really bad for plumbing.

Though I grew up in CA and just found out a month ago that flushing cat litter is legal in other states. And brands sell flushable cat litter?? What the gently caress else are you maniacs stuffing down toilets???

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:15

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Crocobile posted:

Though I grew up in CA and just found out a month ago that flushing cat litter is legal in other states. And brands sell flushable cat litter?? What the gently caress else are you maniacs stuffing down toilets???

Nerds, mostly.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:18

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

My city's public works are constantly having to send out mass mailers reminding people flushable wipes are in fact not remotely flushable.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:23

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Captain Hygiene posted:

I'm glad I'm not lactose intolerant, because if I had to choose between not eating cheese and becoming a repulsive fart monster, I don't think I have it in me to choose the more pleasant option

remembering the goon in one of these threads who was amazed other people could hold in their farts

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:33

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Biplane posted:

remembering the goon in one of these threads who was amazed other people could hold in their farts

Hell, that's nothing, there are goons in these threads who are convinced it's normal to not be able to hold in your shits after hitting the ripe old age of 30

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:37

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Kitfox88 posted:

lol your mom sucks rear end

AITA for telling my aunt her new kitten looked like a scrotum?

Sphynx? They're adorable little scrotums, but yeah they're scrotumalikes.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:41

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Captain Hygiene posted:

I'm glad I'm not lactose intolerant, because if I had to choose between not eating cheese and becoming a repulsive fart monster, I don't think I have it in me to choose the more pleasant option

There was a thread once where a goon asked other goons for advice on figuring out why his farts were so bad that his coworkers complained and his boss warned him that it might affect his employment, and after being told to go to a doctor and check if he was lactose intolerant he came back saying it turned out he was, which was a happy relief to him since it meant it was something medical so they couldn�t fire him for it, and he was going to continue eating cheese at every meal.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:54

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

At work my building had the bathrooms closed for the day because someone flushed paper towels.

Twice.

In a week.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:57

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Even by the standards of trashy r/aita soap operas, this is a new one on me: Mom stole daughter's cheating husband, he later died, Mom wants to reconcile.

AITA for not willing to forgive my mother after all the hurt she caused me?

quote:

2009: I, Bella (23F at the time), got married to Fred (27M att).
2010: My mother Lisa (50F att) got divorced from my dad.
2012: Fred asked for the divorce with our daughter being only 3 months old.

It was a difficult time, and I went to my mother for help. It was broken inside and thank god I had a support network to help me. My mother, however, was very distant and decided to move to another town some months after my divorce.

Life was already hard enough when I received the shocking news: Lisa (53F att) was dating my ex-husband, and father of my daughter, Fred (31M att). I was so hurt that I almost klm. The whole family was shocked, and everybody stopped talking with Lisa. It was a crazy time for me. I didn�t know what to do.

Time has passed, I got married again, I had another daughter, my life went fine, but I can�t lie that I was different, I don�t trust anybody anymore, I am always waiting for the worst, I still needs sleeping pills.

2021: I am happily married with 2 daughters, a nice family, living my life when I was informed that Fred (39M att), who was the worst father ever, I think he saw my daughter 3 times since the divorce, had died. I was indifferent to that, and my daughter felt the same way because they didn�t have a relationship at all.

Well, the whole process with inheritance and everything was a mess because Lisa was making things difficult like trying to hide some of the things he had to not share with my daughter, his only daughter. After a lot of work, everything was settled, but I know that she said to people that I took advantage of the fact of some of her things being in his name to take a part of it.

2023: My young sister Gabi (31F) started talking about how much Lisa changed since Fred died, that she was regretting her choices and that she wanted a chance of making things right. I am totally sceptical and every time she starts talking about that, we fight. I don�t want to have a relationship with Lisa and if she�s feeling bed, fine, that�s on her, I don�t need to forgive her and to build a new relationship with her.

Last weekend Gabi told me that she wants to invite Lisa to my nephew birthday party, and I said that it�s fine, but I am not going or sending my daughters or mostly, my husband since she tends to go after then. Gabi is annoyed at me and keeps trying to convince me that I should give a new chance to Lisa.

On the other side Gabi is insisting a lot and some people thinks that I am being cruel because I have my family, my life is fine, and Lisa is lonely now that Fred died. I don�t care, she can be lonely as she wants. Am I the rear end in a top hat here? Am I being evil?

tl;dr: my mother Lisa (63F) had a more than 3 years affair with my husband before he divorced me and went to live with her. Now, after more than 10 years, he's dead and she wants me to forgive her. My sister and other family members are insisting for me to give her a chance. I don't want to.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 06:59

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

FMguru posted:

AITA for not willing to forgive my mother after all the hurt she caused me?

Big NTA

quote:

...but I am not going or sending my daughters or mostly, my husband since she tends to go after them.

Big

# ? Aug 1, 2023 07:04

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

FMguru posted:

Even by the standards of trashy r/aita soap operas, this is a new one on me: Mom stole daughter's cheating husband, he later died, Mom wants to reconcile.

AITA for not willing to forgive my mother after all the hurt she caused me?

Can't even see your daughtergrandaughter more than once every two years? That's low.

mllaneza posted:

At work my building had the bathrooms closed for the day because someone flushed paper towels.

Twice.

In a week.

When I was working as an electrician's apprentice I had to climb down in a pit to replace a sewage grinder/pump (house was below street level), when we pulled the old one out, we found the blades completely fouled with tampon fibers and pads. We told the residents why their pump failed, and gave them a list of things not to flush. Total cost was around $10k for parts and labor, including an eductor truck to suck the sewage out.

2 months later they called us back for a "warranty" service, since their new pump had failed again, pulled the pump and the same story. Told them they were getting charged for the replacement, and we'd double our labor prices next time, since climbing down into a literal poo poo hole wasn't our favorite activity, and we'd prefer they just took care of their system.

They called us back for other work later, and the husband confided in us that it had happened again, and they had called a different company. $30k in poo poo pumps in under a year!

# ? Aug 1, 2023 08:47

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Rescue Toaster posted:

He should switch to the entirely not problematic French and Indian War reenacting.

Just about any time period is going to be problematic. I just avoid the worst time periods (Civil War as well as WWII, for obvious reasons) and am honest about the poo poo in the time periods I do. It's part of the reason North America in the 1600s is so interesting, European colonists weren't coming into static "noble savages living in harmony with nature" but into complex situations with savvy, often powerful indigenous groups. But then the European colonists brought over enslaved people from Africa and still had people to poo poo on. At least WWI isn't completely awful and racist. I hope.

And there are a lot of couples who reenact because it does require so much dedication. It's so much easier to date a fellow reenactor than a normal person and just spend time together at events, doing stuff you both enjoy.

SulfurMonoxideCute posted:

Replace the mac and cheese with rice and drizzle with like 4 different sauces and you have a fantastic poké bowl.

I'm the kind of person to totally add stuff to mac and cheese, but that lady's recipe is excessive even for me. Mine I usually add jalapeños, corn, black beans, and chorizo or shredded chicken with some butter chicken or korma sauce added in, then panko on top.

Why are people adding more than one or two extra ingredients to mac and cheese? This is lunacy. The point of mac and cheese is macaroni and cheese. You're eating like 70% of a chilli recipe with noodles and some cheese to bind it together. That is a casserole. And how do those textures even work? The corn has that almost crunchy burst-y texture while the beans are sort of mealy? I can understand the meat, the panko, and the peppers, but why would you mess with the essentially soft texture of the macaroni? Makes my skin crawl.

The best mac and cheese recipe is, of course, this one.

A rather dull update from Ask A Manager:

my �hybrid� team is using me as their way to not go to the office at all

quote:

When the pandemic began, I was the member of my team who volunteered to go to the office to check the mail and do tasks that could not be done at home since I live alone, live closest to the office, tend to have the most tasks that cannot be done remotely, and liked the change of scenery a day or two a week when everything was locked down.

My company fully reopened offices two years ago, but only required coming to the office if you had reason to do so. My boss loves working from home and only requires the team to meet in person maybe once a month.

The rest of my team, including my boss, has developed a habit of asking if I can do certain tasks for them when I�m next in the office; I have only unexpectedly seen a member of my team at the office five times since March of 2020. It has gotten to the point that I spend more time doing favors for everyone than I do my own work when going to the office.

So tonight I had the straw that broke the camel�s back incident. My team was supposed to meet at the office tomorrow, but the boss sent a text message around 8 p.m. to the team saying that because two teammates have been sick and another is on vacation, she was canceling the in-person meeting and that we only had to go to the office if we needed to. Within 10 minutes, I got texts from each of my teammates (directly, not on the group chat) and my boss, asking if I could do X, Y, and Z for them. I got on the group chat and responded: �Since everyone on this chain sent a message to me implying that they also have things to do there, I�m looking forward to seeing everyone at the office tomorrow.�

I should emphasize that I have not just been letting this stew for the last couple of years. I have let my teammates and my boss know that this has been irritating me and I was able to set the boundary with my teammates to not expect me to make special trips to the office for them since it fully reopened; I only would go there if I have work to do, and they would have to take care of their own emergencies. However, I am pretty sure that is why everyone sent their requests to me, including the boss, off of the group chat. For my teammates, it was so the boss didn�t see it, and for the boss, it was so that the team didn�t see it.

It�s been an hour and I have not gotten a single reply from anyone on the group chat or directly. I have a feeling that there is another group chat going that I am not part of. I guess that I will find out tomorrow whether or not I�ll be seeing my team. Either way, I have no intention of doing their work when I go to the office tomorrow. I am wondering if I handled this right, or if there may have been a better way to go about this.

Update:

quote:

Thank you for your input. The situation did have an interesting resolution: someone got fired over this but (maybe surprisingly) it wasn�t me.

My boss was the only other member of my team to show up the day after my angry message, having told the other team members to let her know what they wanted to have me do. Most of the tasks she asks me to do for her when I go to the office maybe take 10 � 15 minutes; hers are the most reasonable and I totally get why she doesn�t want to make a special trip to them. She discovered that she was incorrectly assuming that the tasks my teammates were requesting were the same. The fastest request from my teammates took about 45 minutes, making it click with her that I wasn�t exaggerating when I said that I was spending half the day doing other people�s work.

Like you, my boss didn�t like how I phrased the message, but she agreed that things had to change. She was also under the impression that I like going to the office. It was kind of nice during the first year of the pandemic when gas was cheap and the drive took under 20 minutes no matter what time of the day it was. However, now that I have to deal with normal traffic patterns, my preference would be to get in, do my office tasks, and leave before rush hour to finish the day at home.

My boss informed the team that we were expected to come into the office when it was needed to do any tasks that cannot be done from home. She suggested everyone model what I do, which let tasks without an urgent deadline �stack up� and/or go in when we do a particular presentation (which is made to people who work in the field without the ability to work from home, so I do it in the office to keep credibility and not look like I am rubbing in the privilege of being able to work from home).

This led to the discovery that one of my teammates moved about to a home that is about two hours away from the office. Naturally, he did not want to four hours of commuting every couple of weeks. This actually violates our Hybrid Work Arrangement which requires approval if someone relocates more than 60 miles from the office (while it doesn�t apply to my team, about 50% of the company does functions that require at least one person be on duty 24/7/365, so they decided to apply the rule to everyone to always assure that critical needs are met) and/or to another state (for tax compliance). Since there was no issue with working from a different state, my boss would have probably approved this had he asked before understanding how much was being requested out of teammates (or truly me). Unfortunately for my teammate, layoffs were happening and he found himself being the sacrificial lamb to the budgeting gods from my team.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 08:58

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

A lot of good posts on Reddit today, must be the first of the month.

AITA for "devastating" wife over son's nude calendar?

quote:

Repost, apparently I didn't respond to the judgement bot in time.

So my (M45) son Cole is a freshman college athlete, getting a jump on training.

Apparently there is a British college rowing team that puts out a "beefcake" nude calendar of their team as a fundraiser. Apparently it has become quite a thing, relatively famous.

I guess the boys got together and decided to do the same thing. High-quality printing and absolutely A+ photography, and came up with a really slick product. It is selling well on campus and at this point it's going to be on pretty much every girl's dorm wall (and some guys' walls as well LOL). They've made decent money -- to help fund the team but MOST donated to a children's cancer charity, pretty amazing.

We didn't know anything about this until Cole came home and proudly presented us with a copy (his month is May). It did not go well. His mother almost had an stroke. Wailing. Hyperventilating. Weeping. Apparently she is too "mortified for words" to comprehend that a bunch of college girls are going to have a picture of "her baby" in the buff on their walls for one month. And "What will her friends think?"

I think it's ridiculous. A calendar of naked guys is nothing to get worked up over. They're all technically adults, and I'm proud of the boys' ingenuity and confidence. I'm sure it took some balls to do that (figuratively, not only literally). And to give the money to charity... amazing. I told my wife that she should lighten up, that if I looked as good as he did at that age and had been as handsome and tan and fit I would have done it too.

The calendar is NOT X-rated, and NOT porn. Ok it's pretty drat racy and definitely pushing the limits, but no one's "business" is really exposed thanks to judicious poses and props and such although they are definitely pushing that "exposure" to the absolute max. I have to admit if anything was shifted the tiniest bit you'd be able to tell the boys' religion, so to speak, but they kept it all legal enough...and they obviously WANT it to sell. Fine. Who cares.

His mom though is insisting that I "do something about it." What am I supposed to do? What's done is done. "Stop them!" You can't stop what has already finished. "Get them back!" Seriously? You know that's impossible, right? "Punish him!" For what? How?

Cue more hysterics. And now she's not even speaking with me for not supporting her, and "ashamed to show her face" to her friends who I'm sure couldn't care less about some college boys' pictures from 600 miles away. And for what it's worth Cole's girlfriend is totally on board with it. My wife called me an rear end in a top hat (but not in those words) but not taking her side.

So AITA. Perhaps I am the rear end in a top hat for not seeing things from my wife's point of view and not sympathizing with her.

But I don't think I am.

JUDGEMENT FAX I might be the rear end in a top hat because (1) I didn't take into account my wife's distress and was dismissive of her and (2) as a good husband I should be more attuned to her feelings.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:05

Bug Squash: Mar 18, 2009

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITAH for telling my bf that his exes faked their orgasms?

This came up a ton in sex advice columns in the early oughties, and was like the equivalent of the sit Vs standing to wipe controversy. The person giving the advice would assume everyone is the same as them, and refuses to believe anyone could be different.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:06

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for being upset and embarrassed by my boyfriend's tattoo?

quote:

Pre-tattoo events....I was spending the night at my BF's house. He had been drinking. Around 1:30 am I get a call from my son (22) that he had hit a deer, and needed a ride home. The call woke my BF and I told him what had happened and I was going to get my son home and I would be back. He got extremely angry and started yelling and cursing at me, followed me outside, in my face, telling me my son is worthless and will never amount to anything, he needs to grow up and be a man. I go get my son, and stay at my house instead of going back to BF's house.

The next day, we were all supposed to go have lunch with my dad. My son and I go, but I didn't take my BF because of his behavior the night before. BF continues drinking, goes to a friend's house (friend is on parole and also an alcoholic) and gets a huge, poorly done tattoo on his forearm. His birthyear in Roman numerals. Except the numbers are wrong because both of them are drunk. The lines aren't straight and nothing is the same size or even. I hate it because it's a permanent reminder of his temper tantrum over me helping my son, and I'm embarrassed to have my family see it, because I feel it makes my BF look like a stupid redneck. AITA for being upset about it and wanting him to have it removed?

Footnote: he was furious at me for helping my son, who he feels should be able to help himself, but felt it was perfectly fine to go to his ex's house when she called him at 4:30 am because her dog died.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:16

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

mllaneza posted:

At work my building had the bathrooms closed for the day because someone flushed paper towels.

Twice.

In a week.

The public bathrooms at my job (public library) have the keys behind the circulation desk because homeless people would wash themselves with paper towels in the bathrooms and then, for some reason, flush the paper towels. We're also supposed to make sure the keys are always visible on the security camera so if we find a used needle or something we'll have a chance to figure out which patron did it.

The library is not in the best neighborhood.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:43

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for being upset and embarrassed by my boyfriend's tattoo?

why is OP worried about that tattoo

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:47

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend what I think of the volunteer organisation he wants to join

Just what we need, a special Batmen team for the case!

OP adds in comments:

Just a reminder that there is no pro man group which is not inherently anti women.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:51

Bug Squash: Mar 18, 2009

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Just a reminder that there is no pro man group which is not inherently anti women.

I know a guy who volunteered with a charity which raised testicular and prostate cancer awareness. They were pretty on the level. They did have a giant scotum costume they used on fundraisers though.

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:54

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Bug Squash posted:

I know a guy who volunteered with a charity which raised testicular and prostate cancer awareness. They were pretty on the level. They did have a giant scotum costume they used on fundraisers though.

sounds ballin

# ? Aug 1, 2023 09:59

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Bug Squash posted:

I know a guy who volunteered with a charity which raised testicular and prostate cancer awareness. They were pretty on the level. They did have a giant scotum costume they used on fundraisers though.

Not "pro men" though. But "pro men's health" is good.

The actual quote I was looking for was:

"A masculinity movement that is not mostly anti-feminist has yet to appear"

# ? Aug 1, 2023 10:29

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 28, 2024 10:54

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Mx. posted:

AITA for shouting at my lactose intolerant little sister to stop eating cheese?

I�m enjoying the image in my head of OP responding to every sentence from here parents with a fart.

�You�re blowing this out of proportion.�
braaaap
�Stop being so dramatic.�
broop
Etc, etc

# ? Aug 1, 2023 10:45

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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