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Ballbot5000
Dec 13, 2008

Fabricati diem, pvnc.
A bebeh!

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Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY
B

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
The tally so far -


A — Taurica/Leave — 7 — SirPhoebos, jakethecap, Technowolf, Ralepozozaxe, habeasdorkus, Viola the Mad, Ballbot5000

B — Egypt/Rebel — 11 — Sherbert Hoover, Soup du Jour, BraveLittleToaster, Average Lettuce, karmicknight, Hellioning, Lord Cyrahzax, Yuiiut, Angstrom Gothington, Kangxi, Raserys

C — Persia/Loyal — 7 — Ikasuhito, ThatBasqueGuy, QuoProQuid, Chatrapati, Pacho, chrome line, AJ_Impy

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013
B. Let's go egypt lets go!

habeasdorkus
Nov 3, 2013

Royalty is a continuous shitposting motion.
Y'all better get smote by the wrath of אָדוֹן‬‎ for this. I wanted my Jewish steppe horde!

Enrico la Spaniard
Dec 15, 2021

A, the steppes call to me.

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011


C


I got more than enough Steppes out of Grey Hunter's thread.

ZiegeDame
Aug 21, 2005

YUKIMURAAAA!
A

I did not get enough Jewish Steppes out of Grey Hunter's thread. I need more!

Thordain
Oct 29, 2011

SNAP INTO A GRIMM JIM!!!
Pillbug
A sounds neat

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?
C

Disproportionation
Feb 20, 2011

Oh god it's the Clone Saga all over again.
B

Lynneth
Sep 13, 2011
Time to vote B

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
The tally is close enough that I'm gonna let the vote run for another day or so. I will also mention that we're likely to spend the rest of CK3 around the region that wins this vote, before moving somewhere else as we near eu4


Also, I've finally added some title banners to the OP! (shamelessly stolen from humankind, but oh well)

hashashash fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Aug 5, 2023

wedgekree
Feb 20, 2013
A

idhrendur
Aug 20, 2016

A

Livewire42
Oct 2, 2013
A

Sherbert Hoover
Dec 12, 2019

Working hard, thank you!

hashashash posted:

(shamelessly stolen from humankind, but oh well)

Is this game good or janky? Challenge: do not reply with "yes."

TheFlyingLlama
Jan 2, 2013

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and be a llama?



A

Rejected Fate
Aug 5, 2011

B

Ya' make a blob, you gotta break a blob.

Alikchi
Aug 18, 2010

Thumbs up I agree

A

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!

Sherbert Hoover posted:

Is this game good or janky? Challenge: do not reply with "yes."

surprisingly good! i didn't play it on release, but we had a multiplayer game recently and there weren't a whole lot of issues

it's really pretty too

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
The tally so far -


A — Taurica/Leave — 15 — SirPhoebos, jakethecap, Technowolf, Ralepozozaxe, habeasdorkus, Viola the Mad, Ballbot5000, Enrico la Spaniard, ZiegeDame, Thordain, wedgekree, idhrendur, Livewire42, TheFlyingLlama, Alikchi

B — Egypt/Rebel — 15 — Sherbert Hoover, Soup du Jour, BraveLittleToaster, Average Lettuce, karmicknight, Hellioning, Lord Cyrahzax, Yuiiut, Angstrom Gothington, Kangxi, Raserys, NewMars, Disproportionation, Lynneth, Rejected Fate

C — Persia/Loyal — 9 — Ikasuhito, ThatBasqueGuy, QuoProQuid, Chatrapati, Pacho, chrome line, AJ_Impy, Rody One Half, GunnerJ


The vote will run until exactly 10 hours from now, or 10:30 bst

hopeandjoy
Nov 28, 2014



A

Rody One Half
Feb 18, 2011

I'll change from C to B.

GunnerJ
Aug 1, 2005

Do you think this is funny?

Rody One Half posted:

I'll change from C to B.

Same, now voting B

Cobra Lionfist
Jun 4, 2013
A please.

meatbag
Apr 2, 2007
Clapping Larry
A

Erwin the German
May 30, 2011

:3
Leave the Egyptians to it. A.

Loel
Jun 4, 2012

"For the Emperor."

There was a terrible noise.
There was a terrible silence.



C

Archaeology Hat
Aug 10, 2009
Hard choice but I’ll say B

Valiantman
Jun 25, 2011

Ways to circumvent the Compact #6: Find a dreaming god and affect his dreams so that they become reality. Hey, it's not like it's you who's affecting the world. Blame the other guy for irresponsibly falling asleep.
C seems like the most fun option. More lands to familiarize ourselves with so that EU4 will feel even more familiar.

Sparq
Feb 10, 2014

If you're using an AC/20, you only need to hit the target once. If the target's still standing, you oughta be somewhere else anyway.
A Taurican state

MatchaZed
Feb 14, 2010

We Can Do It!


A

Crazycryodude
Aug 15, 2015

Lets get our X tons of Duranium back!

....Is that still a valid thing to jingoistically blow out of proportion?


A

Tiger Crazy
Sep 25, 2006

If you couldn't find any weirdness, maybe we'll just have to make some!
A


On second thought, let's not go to Egypt tis a silly place.

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!
:siren:Vote closed:siren:

Looks like Taurica has it in the bag

hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!


Part 16 — Second Son — 1099 to 1115


Olorix lived as a giant amongst men, and with his death he would become a titan of the histories. His deeds are many and mighty, told and retold from the western edges of Europa to the eastern mists of Asia…

But such world-souls are rarely familial figures as well, and Olorix’s relationship with his children was distant, to say the least.

The eldest of these children, also called Olorix, was born in the capital of Olorixana, and raised to rule the Elissid Empire. He was tutored by skilled tacticians and veteran soldiers, and though he was hammered into a brilliant general, he was not the martial genius that his father had been.




Olorix also had two daughters, Deiana and Ancasta. They were married to his lordly cousins in Egypt and Persia, making them a powerful influence in those regions.



This story does not continue with them, however. Rather, we turn to the second son of Olorix — Philosir, who was born under his father’s shadow and now lived under his brother’s.



And to follow Philosir’s story, we must look to the rocky precipices of Taurica.



Exposed as the farthest outpost of the Elissid Crowns, and surrounded on every side by strange and foreign peoples, the Taurican peninsula has evolved into a hodgepodge of confusing contradictions — there were Huns and Bolgars and Turks descending from the steppe, Normans and Punics and Greeks emerging from the seas, Jews and pagans and Christians and even Muslims permitted to live peacefully in the scattered villages and towns… Taurica was a paradox.

But in the religiously-divided, war-ravaged reaches of the Medieval Age, this place was also a haven unlike any other.



Religious and cultural maps of Taurica and its environs, circa 1100 AD.

For generations, Taurica had been ruled as a personal fief of the Over-king, but when Olorix decided to move his capital to Olorixana, he relinquished his hold on the peninsula altogether.

Instead, he shipped his youngest son — Philosir — to this remote province, leaving him to be raised and educated far away from court. Philosir thus spent the entirety of his childhood there, trained by Taurican priests and scholars, befriending Taurican nobles and courtiers, ruling (and eventually loving) Taurican country.





So it isn’t much of a surprise that Philosir had none of the martial talents or tendencies of his father or brother. He wasn’t well-learned either, or particularly devious, though he did have something of a golden touch with numbers and stewardship.




…even so, Philosir would leave his own mark on history.

The early part of his reign was as unremarkable as the man himself. The peninsula hosted several villages and a few towns along the southern coast, but there was only one true city, and Philosir spent several years strengthening it — shipwrights and tradeports, libraries and orchards, and even a royal reserve and leisure palace for the milder parts of the year.




In fact, he spent so much of his time and money on these projects that, before long, the city would become known as Philosiris.



He also promoted the urbanisation of settlements in other parts of the peninsula, founding several new colonies of Galatians and Phoenicians along the Taurican coast.




It was almost a decade before Philosir was confident enough to embark on his first offensive war — and even then, it was not a war of his own making.



Famed as the ‘jewel of the Black Sea’ for its wealth and fertility, the Taurican peninsula was greatly coveted by the nomads of the Steppe, who regularly raided and plundered and burned their way through its villages and towns in annual raids…




So when the Turkic realm to the north and east collapsed into civil war in the year 1108, Philosir saw his opportunity to strike back —




Dispatching a strong force of 5000 mercenaries, Philosir instructed this expeditionary force to campaign along the Scythian Swamps and wreak havoc on Turkic farms and fields.



But the force was scarcely a week into the campaign when they were caught and confronted by a large nomadic host…



The mercenaries suffered heavy casualties in the early parts of the battle, but when the nomads wheeled about in their tried-and-true strategy of false retreat, they found themselves pinned against the Swamp and there, slowly, they were ground into the mud and mulch.

A decisive victory for Taurica, and Philosir’s first.



The rest of the war was spent in securing a strip of rich country that led all the way to Tanais — a large and prosperous town that was called Azak or Azov by the Turks.




The war was thus won in a season, a short and one-sided affair… but it awakened something in Philosir, a part of him that had been lying dormant so far, a sickness or greatness, perhaps something he had inherited from his father and grandfather.

The scales fell from his eyes, and he began to look on the rest of the world with something new.



The realms of Christendom were shielded by Gothia, which was a strong and stable presence against the bickering Germanic pagans of Europa.




Further south, the Germans of Kyrenaica had plunged deep along the Nile, looking to establish their own Vandalic Kingdom of Egypt.




And to the east, Parthia was compensating its losses in Persia with expansion in Greater Turan.




But all these kings and kingdoms were mere gnats compared to the might of the Elissid Empire, largest and wealthiest power on the earth, and still steadily advancing on all fronts.



And with his own brother ruling as king-and-conqueror of the Elissid Crowns, Philosir knew that he had no hope of military expansion in that direction.

So instead, he looked to the opposite direction…



And for the first time in his short life, he began to dream of an empire for himself — a vast empire stretching across the enormity of the Steppes, anchored to the great city of Philosiris.



Could these dreams be made reality, or was he just another madman?





Only time would tell.


hashashash fucked around with this message at 17:29 on Nov 10, 2023

BraveLittleToaster
May 5, 2019
They label him a lunatic, but who's the mad one, really?

Maybe there's some merit to it if he's really sticking with that ugly beard, though.

Rejected Fate
Aug 5, 2011

Ooooh, I think lunacy might give us the chance for some interesting choices in faith...

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hashashash
Nov 2, 2016

Cure for cancer discovered!
Court physicians hate him!

Rejected Fate posted:

Ooooh, I think lunacy might give us the chance for some interesting choices in faith...

precisely what i'm thinking



and since he's insane, I'm happy to take thread opinions as to what he'll be thinking religion-wise

hashashash fucked around with this message at 13:40 on Aug 12, 2023

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