r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Improbable Lobster posted:

You must realize that is both extremely abnormal, and also sad, right

While this could be an auto-response to a lot of Reddit posts, there are good reasons not to type it out and post it.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 04:38

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:31

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Food is one of those things where the 'logical' solutions seem easy but when you have actual needs and moods, let alone actually having problems, suddenly all those solutions just mean more problems. It feels good to eat food.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 04:51

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

ApplesandOranges posted:

AITA For saying a C cup is not that big?

you know that joke about how you can spot a poly person because they'll tell you? does anyone involved being poly contribute anything to this post?

# ? Aug 9, 2023 04:57

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Midnight Voyager posted:

I've worked out something that works and I'm fine with it.

I get 7 days worth of frozen meals shipped from BistroMD, I highly recommend this if you want to quit cooking.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 04:59

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

actually, let's try to be helpful:

Elviscat posted:

I'm not getting into it here, but eating meals that are nothing but simple carbs is really, really bad for you, especially if you have one of several medical conditions, and I am concerned about my partner's health, dig?

Hey man, I noticed that your fiance keeps picking something even faster to make than your low estimated prep time, so maybe that's why? They might be seeing lower effort, more immediate options and find themselves attracted to that in the heat of the really tired moment. Have you considered keeping something less bad-for-them around that's nearer to a "pick up and eat" level of simplicity? "Don't buy rice" isn't really all that feasible as a solution, I know, but maybe you can find something they can turn to that's just as brainless easy. When I am having a particularly down day and just not able to think about obtaining food, any bump in the road can feel like a roadblock, and I WILL go for an easier option if one is there.

I know "aim lazier" isn't usually the best advice, but if the alternative is eating very badly in a way that harms their health? I think it's probably fine.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 05:02

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

you know that joke about how you can spot a poly person because they'll tell you? does anyone involved being poly contribute anything to this post?

Maybe using it as an excuse for why OP didn't scold her friend for talking about the girlfriend's body.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 05:02

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

C cups were considered big back in the 2000s when women were called fat if they wore a size 6.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 05:04

Desert Bus: May 9, 2004; Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

Poly people need more carbs in their diets.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 05:04

ChickenOfTomorrow: Nov 11, 2012; god damn it, you've got to be kind

AITA for snitching?

quote:

I (college age, ftm) live in a dorm at a liberal arts college, meaning people smoke a lot of weed: I hate HATE the smell of weed and drugs and alcohol in general make me very uneasy, but I try and be chill about the stuff since I don�t want to be labeled prude or a snitch for telling people to stop.

However, in the second semester of this year we had an upperclassman move into our dorm and he smoke an unprecedented amount of weed. I already heavily disliked this guy due to misgendering, allegations of SA, and him being an overall jerk, and the amount of weed he smoked made our dorm smell AWFUL. I couldn�t stand it. On top of this, he and his friends would all be super loud after quiet hours and as someone with a 9am every morning that semester (I�m a morning person) I told them to shut the hell up after midnight. (Our dorm has quiet hours you need to agree to in order to move in, they were not abiding). Over the months the weed got worse, even at 10am the building REEKED of it and it made me nauseous. I brought it up several times in the dorm server and at house meetings, but it just didn�t stop.

So I called the campus police.

I�m scared I might have overreacted, they got in some pretty serious trouble due to the possession of drugs while being underage etc and I�m worried that I might have been using my White Woman privileges and acting like a victim. But it was just getting to be too much, AITA?

there's an AITA blog on tumblr and

quote:

every post is either like "I had one negative thought about my cousin's friend's sister's boyfriend but didn't express it. Am I secretly a bad person?" or "I intentionally accused my trans friend of faking it in front of our whole friend group because the vibe was off. I think I did nothing wrong, right?" with literally no in between.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 05:21

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

AITA for snitching?

I have never smoked in my life and used edibles once (they didn't work and I had to watch the film Space Cop completely sober) but I'm still nostalgic for the days before legalization of pot when you could barely smell the stuff. They legalized in my state and overnight it turned into the rankest smelling poo poo you'll ever experience. Godawful. I might honestly prefer the smell of cigarette smoke because at least it brings up some nice memories.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 06:59

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for asking my family to take their shoes of inside of my house?

quote:

My husband (26M) and I (22F) just bought a home a few weeks ago and we have been decorating and settling in. One of the things we decided on was putting a few rugs down as the whole home is hard wood floors. These rugs are a light gray/white color. My husband and I are very much type A people and like to keep a clean and clutter free home so we figured the color of rugs wouldn�t be an issue since we and all of our friends don�t wear shoes indoors at each others houses.

My uncle �E� and his wife, my godfather and his girlfriend, and my aunt �R� drove in from out of state to stay with my mom who lives in a few towns over from me. Mind you, �R� invited herself on this trip and since she is the baby of the family, no one told her no. I invited all of them over for supper to see the new home and spend some family time playing games etc. I put a sign at the front door asking them to take their shoes off as I didn�t want to have to be bossy by telling them to take their shoes off. I figured they�re old enough to read and be respectful. As soon as �R� walked into my home and saw the sign she scoffed and continued to keep walking so I said �I really don�t want shoes to be worn in the house so can you just leave them at the door?� She then proceeded to scoff and storm out of the door, slamming it. She pouted on the doorstep and refused to come in for the rest of the night. My mom then continued to berate me for the rest of the night saying it is not that big of a deal and it�s not customary where they are from to take your shoes off when entering someone�s home. My uncle �E� spent the evening going in and out checking on �R�. My mom then made a weak excuse for all of them to leave saying that she forgot to do something at home. They ended up leaving about an hour after they arrived.

I then texted my mom to tell her that �R� is no longer welcome in my home as this is not the first time she has thrown a fit when I�ve tried to do some sort of family gathering. I was told I am being over dramatic and she should be welcome at anytime.

AITA?

Edit: I would absolutely not press the issue or ask if a guest was elderly or incapable of easily taking shoes on or off! My aunts and uncles are all very mobile and healthy so there wasn�t a health issue or concern with taking shoes on or off.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 07:05

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Mx. posted:

AITA for asking my family to take their shoes of inside of my house?

quote:

The thing though is that we are not allowed to bring shoes into her house either!

what an annoying rear end in a top hat. I wouldn't want to invite her to anything either.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 07:12

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

kru posted:

This guy has to be gay, he's giving a heartfelt speech without notes or anything

And he gave the groom, another man, a hug! Totes gay, amirite.

What weird things for someone to think, let alone say out loud, multiple times to multiple strangers.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 07:30

Sir Sidney Poitier: Aug 14, 2006; My favourite actor

If the best man wiped his arse then that would be the final nail in his beautifully appointed coffin.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 07:40

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

Midnight Voyager posted:

actually, let's try to be helpful:

Hey man, I noticed that your fiance keeps picking something even faster to make than your low estimated prep time, so maybe that's why? They might be seeing lower effort, more immediate options and find themselves attracted to that in the heat of the really tired moment. Have you considered keeping something less bad-for-them around that's nearer to a "pick up and eat" level of simplicity? "Don't buy rice" isn't really all that feasible as a solution, I know, but maybe you can find something they can turn to that's just as brainless easy. When I am having a particularly down day and just not able to think about obtaining food, any bump in the road can feel like a roadblock, and I WILL go for an easier option if one is there.

I know "aim lazier" isn't usually the best advice, but if the alternative is eating very badly in a way that harms their health? I think it's probably fine.

Against AITA tradition we have talked about it, though it's hard to bring up in a way that's supportive, and not policing what she's eating, or nagging, since that wouldn't be helpful even if it wasn't a dick thing to do. We do really well when we sit down on the weekend and come up with a plan for the week, but it's really easy to get overwhelmed, since we're both really busy, and we only see each other for about 20 minutes every morning during the week. We're still working on it, but we've found ways to make midweek meals easier. I've tried a couple ready made meal services, but she generally doesn't like them and just ignores the fact that they're there.

The outside perspective is really useful, it's pretty easy for me to go into robot mode and slam some stuff in the toaster oven to heat while I'm doing other weeknight chores and whatnot, and I can forget other people's brains don't work the same. I do about 90% of the cooking in the relationship, since I enjoy it more, and I've learned a lot of tricks for being faster and more efficient at it over the years. In another year I'll probably be on a normal shift, and I can just make meals during the week, since she'll happily eat almost anything I make.

I mostly brought that up to make a point that some people will totally live off nothing but rice, if given their druthers, though.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 08:20

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Reflections85 posted:

Can I ask where?

You know the rules, and so do I.

dervival posted:

isn't that the river in India

Ithaca, actually.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 08:53

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Mx. posted:

AITA for asking my family to take their shoes of inside of my house?

This is clearly a "Donnie Brasco" situation and the aunt was wearing a tape recorder on her ankle.

Also, I initially typed "Donnie Darko", coz I am an idiot and got confused between the two films, and now realize that either Johnny Depp or Al Pacino dressed as a bunny would have made the film much much better.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 08:59

a podcast for cats: Jun 22, 2005; Dogs reading from an artifact buried in the ruins of our civilization, "We were assholes- " and writing solemnly, "They were assholes."; Soiled Meat

Reflections85 posted:

Can I ask where?

Sorry, missed this yesterday. I was speaking about Latvia, as that's where I'm from. There are other countries that have similar laws for marital and personal property in place, for example, Italy.

https://e-justice.europa.eu/36686/EN/matrimonial_property_regimes

edit: More userfriendly source with more countries: https://www.coupleseurope.eu/

a podcast for cats fucked around with this message at 09:06 on Aug 9, 2023

# ? Aug 9, 2023 09:02

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

a podcast for cats posted:

Sorry, missed this yesterday. I was speaking about Latvia, as that's where I'm from.

No. You're supposed to just be evasive and say "in my culture/country" so everyone has to guess and get frustrated with all the consistencies in your post!

You'll never make it in the AITA big leagues :smith:

# ? Aug 9, 2023 09:13

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for not wanting to take out a car on my name for my boyfriend?

quote:

I F(25) have been with my boyfriend (27) for 3 years. He sold his car 2 months ago and is currently saving for a new one - or so I thought. We live in the Caribbean.

Last night he came over and asked me what I thought about him using his car money to start a car wash. I told him that he can use the space he has at home to open a car wash and he doesn�t necessarily need to use all his money to open a business as simple as that.

He said the vision he has is to also include auto detailing and that he would use the money to purchase equipment for it.

I told him that I don�t think it�s a good idea - but I�ll support him if he decides to do it.

He then said that he�s happy I�m on his side because he wants us to do something together.

I thought he meant me helping with his business - but no. He explained that his idea of �together� is me taking out a loan for a car that will be on MY NAME but he will drive it because I don�t drive.

When I asked who will be making the payments, he said the bank will take the money out of my account every month and he will pay half.

I told him that I am absolutely NOT paying half for a car I am not driving. He said it would be �our� car and that when I eventually get my license, I�ll be able to drive it too.

I said that this entire scenario makes no sense as I have no intention of driving anytime soon - and literally anything can happen.

I asked if we break up, what then?

He said even if we break up, he will continue paying for his share of the share so I won�t bare that payment. When I asked why he can�t just pay for the full payment he said he plans to leave his job and do his car wash / detailing business full time so he won�t be able to cover the full payment until his business takes off.

I told him that I�m sorry but I can�t take out a loan for him - nor put a car in my name when he is so unstable. He called me a �selfish AH� - one he �can�t see a future with� and left. Now, he won�t speak to me. My mom says I�m in the right but now I feel bad because if I don�t take out the loan, he won�t be able to. AITA?

UPDATE Hi guys, thank you so much for giving your opinions, stories, advice - everything! I truly appreciate it and it helped make my decision a lot easier.

So, he called me earlier and broke up with me on the basis of �partners are supposed to share everything� and he can�t trust me to �hold him down when he�s down.� After an ear full about how I �think I�m better than him because of my job,� how I �look down on him,� and how I �don�t want to see him be successful,� I called his mom (we�re very close) and let her know that we broke up and why we broke up.

She was very upset to say the least - but reassured me that I made the right decision. She said that she told him not to sell the car but he went ahead and did it anyway.

After we spoke, she wished me well and I went to get something to eat. I guess she told him something about it because he texted me shortly after. I�m just going to copy and paste what he said:

TEXT CONVO

Him: How childish do you have to be to call my mom?

Me: I wanted her to know that we broke up and why.

Him: Just say you wanted to manipulate her and make her believe I�m trying to leech off of you. WHAT HAVE YOU EVER FONE FOR ME? TELL ME

Him: You know what�s sad? You were supposed to be the person I could come to for ANYTING. I had my own car something YOU NEVER HAD and I sold it because it was getting to expensive and I wanted something more efficient. YOU KNOW THAT so I don�t know why you trying to gently caress up what my family thinks about me and make me look like I BEGGING you for car.

Him: SMH you are the biggest rear end in a top hat and the most selfish person I ever met

Him: Why couldn�t you just be happy for me? Why couldn�t you just believe in my dreams? You really think I would leave you after you got a car for me? You have no common sense and that�s why people will USE you. You to dumb for an educated woman and that�s why we broke up. Go tell her that

END OF TEXT CONVO

Yeah� lol. I didn�t respond to any of those messages. But I did get a massive headache immediately after reading them.

Anyway, thanks a lot for all your help guys! I really really appreciate it!

# ? Aug 9, 2023 10:11

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

"You think you're better than me because of your job"

It sounds like he's employable, maybe he world get one of that there "jobs" too.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 10:33

Akratic Method: Mar 9, 2013; It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.

Elviscat posted:

It sounds like he's employable,

Does it, though?

# ? Aug 9, 2023 10:42

boofhead: Feb 18, 2021

Between his abusive behaviour and unbridled sense of entitlement he's perfect for a management role

# ? Aug 9, 2023 10:45

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Babe once my car wash/auto detailing business takes off we will both be filthy rich. Why do you have to be so negative?

# ? Aug 9, 2023 11:28

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

my girlfriend thinks she's better than me just because she's so much better than me

# ? Aug 9, 2023 11:53

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

Elviscat posted:

"You think you're better than me because of your job"

It sounds like he's employable, maybe he world get one of that there "jobs" too.

It's mentioned he has one, he's going to leave it to set up his dream car wash auto detailing business. See, he's making sacrifices why can't she?

# ? Aug 9, 2023 11:57

Elissimpark: May 20, 2010; Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

Fellas is it gay to be good at public speaking

"Friends, Romans, Countryme-"
"GAY!"

# ? Aug 9, 2023 13:54

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Runcible Cat posted:

It's mentioned he has one, he's going to leave it to set up his dream car wash auto detailing business. See, he's making sacrifices why can't she?

quote:

You have no common sense and that�s why people will USE you.

So why won't you let ME use you?! It's not fair!

# ? Aug 9, 2023 15:35

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

AITA for responding with �I don�t loving know�

quote:

My partner (55M) and I (35F) went out to dinner this evening following another unexpected obstacle/ false alarm. My partner has a habit of asking a series of very insistent questions which is anxiety provoking for me. First, he asked what dish was served to a neighboring table asking again in another way after I responded with �I don�t know.� And I had to repeat my response adding �it looks like fettuccini� and that seemed to satisfy him. Then he began asking about the plans for tomorrow that we had already reviewed. He asked about activity A, the starting time, the duration, the ending time and the start time of the next activity. Meanwhile I had just loaded a taco full of delicious food and I was doing my best to respond to all of his questions while attempting to finish the taco before the contents dripped down my arms. Then he asked how far activity A was from activity B and I said: �I don�t know, I can look it up (again) later but right now I am eating.� He seemed to be offended by that and asked again. At this point I started losing my mind saying �I don�t loving know.� And when he still wouldn�t let me finish my taco in peace, I explained: �I have been giving you subtle, nonverbal hints that right now is not the time to ask me these questions because I am eating and you�re not picking up on any of my hints.�

He stood up furious, asked me how dare I treat him that way and let me know that I would be walking home. On the way to the door, he paused, looked back at me saying �Are you going to apologize?� And when I turned away from him, he left the restaurant.

quote:

Here�s the rest of the story: I finished my meal in peace, ordered dessert, paid the bill and when I left the restaurant I found him parked outside with his headlights on and the driver seat pulled back so he was lounging. I got into the car, turned off the AC because I was cold and said �I�m cold and I want to go home.� He responded with �Who cares?� And seemed to be on the verge of rehashing/ demanding an apology. So, I got out of the car and started walking home. It was going to be a 30 minute walk uphill. Ten minutes into the walk he caught up with me in the car and demanded repeatedly that I get in the car. I was boiling with rage at this point and responded with �park the car, get out of the car and apologize to me ON YOUR loving KNEES� and when he refused I said �Then gently caress off. I never want to see you again�. He followed me with the car demanding that I get in the car but I stuck to my guns and finally he apologized and responded to �What are you sorry for?� With �I am sorry that I left you.� So I got in the car and he drove us home in silence.

AITA for refusing to become friends with my husband's former wife after donating bone marrow to my stepson?

quote:

I've been married to "Chris" for 10 years. Before me, he was married to "Lacey" for 8 but they were together since high school. They have four kids. Chris and I have two.

Lacey hated me. It was beyond our personalities. I think she was bitter over being divorced and seeing the man who she was with since 16 move on. But that's her problem not mine. We've gotten into it a few times. I'm not apologizing to her because I'm happy and she's not.

Chris and Lacey's youngest son "Jacob" was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma and needed a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately no one in his family was a match. I also got tested and was a match. Lacey actually asked me if I was going to donate like I'm some kind of witch.

Of course I donated and Jacob is in remission as of this year and is your average 13yo kid. Lacey has started to come around to me because she knows what I did for Jacob. That's her favorite son. It's bizarre to have her ask me how I'm doing or send me random flowers.

The truth is that I don't want to be friends with her. The damage has been done between us and my life is peaceful without her. I'd do what I did a million more times if I had to. No need to shower me with accolades. Just leave me alone. That's exactly what I told her.

She told me that what I said was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said or done to her. My husband said I should apologize but I refuse to apologize for setting up boundaries with someone I can't stand.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 15:50

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

I mean, some people would refuse the bone marrow transplant over petty reasons. It's your body and you let someone else avail themselves of it to survive. That's not nothing. I see why the mom is forever thankful and think it's weird that OP assumes her asking for the donation means she was making a dig, but there's too much bad blood now for OP to even interpret normal non-aggessive things as anything but jabs.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 15:57

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

StrangersInTheNight posted:

I mean, some people would refuse the bone marrow transplant over petty reasons.

[...]

I think it's weird that OP assumes her asking for the donation means she was making a dig

Because the implication is that Lacey thought that OP was going to refuse for petty reasons (especially since this was after OP voluntarily got tested and found out she was a match--if she had a good reason why she would not be a donation candidate, presumably she would have said so upfront.)

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:03

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

I think it was more Mom was making a jab thinking that she wouldn't donate because she was the evil harpy who stole away her man. But she did donate which means she's a good person and Mom is just pretending that she didn't treat her like poo poo for ten years because she obviously wouldn't treat a good person like poo poo.

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:06

Zoya: Jun 12, 2023; echoes of a distant past,
bodies die but voices last.
once were held within a cell,
your mind is where these voices dwell.

My partner (33/M) and I (24/F) went on vacation with his kids and my partner was a nightmare.

thewetcucumber posted:

TLDR Backstory: My partner is separated from his ex-wife, not divorced yet. They share three kids: two from their marriage and one from his ex-wife that he considers his own. We all co-parent well and the kid�s mom has thanked me for being part of their lives because the kids love coming over to their dad�s now that I am there. My partner gets overwhelmed and super angry when the kids are over.

My partner and I decided to go on a weekend vacation to ND to do hikes with the kids. The entire time we are away, my partner is intense. He is barking orders at me and the kids. He is telling the adopted kid that he is a �loving idiot�, �disgusting� (when eating), and threatening to slap the kid for repeating jokes that the kid thought were funny.

The bio kids are way worse. They constantly are complaining, screaming, running away, and just being hormonal kids. Overall, I thought they were all being kids but partner was picking on adopted kid way more. I stepped in on several occasions and told off my partner for bullying the kid but he would silence me and I stopped fighting back and tried to pick my battles. It was exhausting. He would tell me I wasn�t their parent but then expect me to parent.

We got back to the hotel on Saturday and it�s been a rough day. I have been trying to parent the kids quietly the entire day because they respond well to me and I didn�t want to have my partner freak out more. At the same time, I�m trying to emotionally regulate my partner so he won�t freak out. I tell everyone that we all need some time apart to decompress so I decide to go to the pool and I take the adopted kid because the bio kids had been misbehaving that day. I told my partner that he should go shower because he has told me in the past that he enjoys showering to decompress and my partner flips his poo poo at my suggestion.

When he gets out of the shower and I get ready to head to the pool, he tells me that when I get back that he�s leaving the hotel to go for a long drive. My jaw drops. He expects me, after having an equally hard day, to stay in a hotel, without a way to go home, with his three kids? He invited me on this vacation and he�s going to strand me? I tell him no, that is not fair and he begrudgingly stays.

I text him later at the pool that he can bring the other kids down with the room key and take his drive because I feel like I might not be fair here. He brings the kids down but says he�s staying in the room. We get back up stairs, the kids tuckered out and happy, and he�s still screaming and grumpy and clearly has not regulated himself at all and is taking it out on me for not letting him leave.

The next day is just escalated. He is screaming, storming out of stores, threatening to take the kids and me home if we even breathe wrong. It�s embarrassing. It�s also hard for me to watch as his partner because I understand he�s overwhelmed.

We get back to the hotel early because he just can�t handle the kids. I�m fine with this, I�m exhausted from being the middle man.

One of his bio kids pee his pants on the way home. I run into a store to buy paper towels and assist with clean up. My partner is flipping his poo poo and driving very fast and recklessly to get us back to the hotel for the clean up. �I didn�t know I had a loving baby�.

When we pull up to the hotel, the adopted kid asked a question and my partner turned around and punched the cup in the kids hand as hard as he could and it flew out of the kid�s hands.

After everything was cleaned up, we all laid down in bed to decompress. Suddenly, his bio kid is on top of the adopted kid and they�re play fighting over a remote. I calmly ask the bio kid to sit down and talk it out and he sits down immediately and tells me he�s upset with the adopted kid.

Before the bio kid even sits down, my partner is up and sprinting over to their bed. He has a closed fists and goes to swing at the adopted kid and stops and grabs the kid by his shirt collar instead and screams in his face.

I get up immediately, prepared to separate the two and I am already saying no. My partner grabs the remote off the floor and throws it backwards and it hits me. I just stare in shock and let the remote fall onto the floor. I attempted to stand up to leave the room and he grabbed my shoulders and shoved me back on the bed. I attempted to stand again to leave and he grabbed my shoulders again threw me onto the bed and tries to play it off by laughing. We bash heads together as I�m trying to get up. He finally lets go.

I�m just beside myself with this. I don�t know what to do. I need people to tell me if this is abusive behavior or not. I don�t know if this kind of behavior should be allowed since he�s overwhelmed. I come from an abusive household and I have a warped since of normal. I just know he and I have always agreed we would never put our hands on the kids and I talk openly about gentle parenting.

TLDR: Partner overwhelmed by kids on vacation. Kid peed pants, partner punches a waterbottle. Later, partner puts kid in choke hold and then shoves me onto bed so I wouldn�t leave the bed.

UPDATE I saw the concern that I wasn�t responding to posts. There are a lot so I�ll reply here.

I contacted the mom and sent her this post. She�s familiar with this behavior and said it�s better than it�s been in the past and nothing should be done. She also told me CPS had been called by the school on him before and it shattered their lives.

Now that I�ve read your comments and I know I can trust my gut on this, I went ahead and called the after-hours number for CPS and left a detailed report for them to investigate anyways. This sounds like a deeper problem than just the dad.

This is probably obvious but I left his rear end. I told him everything he has done, why it is abusive, and even linked him to this post. I have asked him countless times to get a therapist and he refuses. He insists that he�s better than he was.

This was not an easy decision to make. Thank you to everyone to gave me words of wisdom on this. I love those kids deeply and the last thing I want to do is gently caress up their life more than it already is.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:12

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

"I don't need a therapist, I used to be even more abusive!"

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:17

Bug Squash: Mar 18, 2009

Zoya posted:

My partner (33/M) and I (24/F) went on vacation with his kids and my partner was a nightmare.

That's not fun drama, that just someone abusing their kids :smith:

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:17

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

the holy poopacy posted:

Because the implication is that Lacey thought that OP was going to refuse for petty reasons (especially since this was after OP voluntarily got tested and found out she was a match--if she had a good reason why she would not be a donation candidate, presumably she would have said so upfront.)

I know why Lacey thinks its a dig, I just don't agree - her not liking the mom is coming into play there. And it's totally possible the mom has earned the dislike, but now it seems like it's narrowed how they can interact.

Any time you're asking someone to make a donation of their actual body, you have to ask instead of assume. it's part of consent. yes even after testing for a match - some people do it hoping they won't be and don't plan far enough to if they are. you can't assume a match means they'll follow through with the donation. Asking is the protocol for donations - it's basically the bare minimum of showing someone you respect their bodily autonomy and right to say no, and OP is taking it as a dig at how the mom was obviously assuming she was a witch who wouldn't donate bone marrow to a child. No! You're supposed to ask instead of assume, when it comes to body parts.

if the mom had just assumed that Lacey was going to donate the marrow, we'd be hearing about how entitled she was. There's no way the mom could win. It's just poisoned no matter what.

StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Aug 9, 2023

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:24

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

partner is physically assaulting me and the kids, i need someone to tell me if this is abusive behavior or not

Bug Squash posted:

That's not fun drama, that just someone abusing their kids

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:24

DeadMansSuspenders: Jan 10, 2012; I wanna be your left hand man

Zoya posted:

My partner (33/M) and I (24/F) went on vacation with his kids and my partner was a nightmare.

"Not an easy decision to make" ? Helping yourself and protecting children from an abuser?

My [29m] girlfriend [24f] tried to throw me under the bus when the police searched my house

quote:

First I'd like to start with some background. My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a bit over a year. She stays at my house about 75% of the time. We have had no major problems before this point.

On Saturday night, we were watching TV in the living room, and suddenly there was loud pounding and shouting at the front door. My immediate reaction was to call the police, but after a look out the curtains, I found that it was the police.

At this point I was extremely confused. I don't sell, manufacture, or use drugs. I have no firearms in the house. I do nothing illegal online; I don't even pirate Game of Thrones. I had no idea why they might have reason to be knocking on my door on a Saturday night.

I opened the door and they immediately asked for permission to search the premises. I asked why they would think that was necessary, and they wouldn't answer. In turn, I refused to give them permission. My girlfriend repeatedly said I should cooperate. I said no, and told them to show me a warrant if they want to enter the house. They then informed me that they had probable cause and were searching my place no matter what I thought about the situation, and that their asking was only a formality.

The first thing they did after entering my house was pull my girlfriend and I into separate rooms and begin questioning us. I kept demanding they show me a warrant, but apparently warrants aren't even a thing anymore because probable cause can be literally anything when your local PD is backwater and lovely enough.

I refused to answer any questions. I told them I wanted a lawyer if I was under arrest. I repeated that I did not consent to any searches of my property and repeatedly asked what their probable cause was--that there was nothing readily apparent (thank you Breaking Bad), and that they had no right to strip me of my privacy.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, talked a lot. I didn't hear much because she was in the next room but I overheard her say this:

You should check the back yard shed! I've never been in there before and I can't say what's in it...

At the time I could only think "what the gently caress is she doing?" Well, the police checked the shed, and found nothing (again, I'm not a criminal), and an hour + hundreds of questions later left. At that point I asked why in the world she would try to help them find criminal activity in my house, and she could only answer that she panicked and didn't know what to do.

I don't need legal advice. My mother is a paralegal and knows a lot of good attorneys. She's furious about the police conduct, and she doesn't even know what my girlfriend said to them yet. I'm incredibly angry at my girlfriend for saying something so unbelievably moronic, but all she can respond to me with is "I panicked and didn't know what to do." What I need more than anything is another perspective on why a person would throw their S/O under the bus like that.

Does this seem like something that can be worked through, or is this just a huge red flag?

tl;dr cops searched my house without a warrant, and during the search, girlfriend seemingly tried to incriminate me with a random tip

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:31

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

Yeah dump that snitch, what the gently caress

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:34

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:31

Nurglings: May 6, 2016

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

My [29m] girlfriend [24f] tried to throw me under the bus when the police searched my house

dude's lucky they didn't plant fentanyl and proceed to OD off of it by being within 5 feet of it

# ? Aug 9, 2023 16:38

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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