r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Dude shoots Everclear, and buckets of it.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:08

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# ? May 31, 2024 18:15

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Come on honey, let�s do a shot.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:10

Runcible Cat: May 28, 2007; Ignoring this post

BrigadierSensible posted:

Nah, the real lols come from the Hisband's line of "well the gift was to you, so YOU have to pay, but I like it, so you can't give it back."

MiL is a petty old crone that more than likely intentionally started this drama. But Husband is a bog standard arsehole.

Betcha the new coffee maker is something hubby wanted and her existing one was "wrong" for some reason. Wrong brand, given to her by someone he didn't like, pink, whatever.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:12

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Dec 28, 2007; Kiss this and hang

Nocheez posted:

My German neighbors have a 6 year old girl that loves to play with my 5-year old son. She is very forthright, and will straight up ask for anything. It's pretty funny, and my wife and I always have a new story for each other about her.

Like, she'll be playing with something in the play area and will just say "can I take this home?" It probably works because I've told her yes more than once just to get some annoying piece of plastic out of my house.

Megillah Gorilla posted:

That's when you say, "Yes, but only if you take this cardboard box that got milk spilled on it and this handful of old eggshells as well."

..And I'm pretty sure that's how German Fairy Tales get started.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:14

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

Alcohol is stored in the balls

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:44

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

The Alchemist posted:

Alcohol is stored in the balls

But with the piss there too, where does sperm come from?

poo poo, is that why men need to have sex so much? So they don't get a DUI?

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:47

MajorBonnet: May 28, 2009; How did I get here?

Cowslips Warren posted:

But with the piss there too, where does sperm come from?

poo poo, is that why men need to have sex so much? So they don't get a DUI?

Blue (curacao) balls.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 13:49

Paper Tiger: Jun 17, 2007; 🖨️🐯torn apart by idle hands

The Alchemist posted:

Alcohol is stored in the balls

I've found that the lowball is mostly alcohol, whereas the highball tends to have a fair amount of mixers as well

# ? Aug 28, 2023 14:23

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Cowslips Warren posted:

But with the piss there too, where does sperm come from?

poo poo, is that why men need to have sex so much? So they don't get a DUI?

Nobody knows where sperm comes from. Why do you think there are so many unplanned pregnancies? If only we could stop the sperm at the source.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 14:31

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

Batterypowered7 posted:

If only we could stop the sperm at the source.

Well, if Krakatoa was a volcano, surely spermatozoa is one as well right? Just plug it up wherever that is! :dumb:

# ? Aug 28, 2023 14:44

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Batterypowered7 posted:

Nobody knows where sperm comes from. Why do you think there are so many unplanned pregnancies? If only we could stop the sperm at the source.

I bet it comes from the woman really. That's why so many men get babytrapped!

AITA for calling my daughters father Spineless and his girlfriend creepy over their name choice for their daughter?

quote:

A little bit of context for you all, I ended up falling pregnant with my 10 year old daughter during a drunken hook-up with a friend in my mid 20s. Not the most glamourous or flattering truth but it's the truth all the same. When we found out we decided to keep the child and co-parent while remaining friends. We were never a couple and we didn't want to be one either.

Four years ago he began to date his longterm girlfriend and they moved in together last year. She fell pregnant and i've been supportive to them both as much as I could be without crossing any lines; i've encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she's staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave, i've also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship despite having different Mothers, i've even said that if they were comfortable with it on nights I have my daughter if they ever want time alone i'll babysit once they have the baby so my daughter can spend time with her sibling.

All in all, I thought everything was great and I was excited for my daughter to have a sibling as she's always wanted one but I had no interest in having another child. Three days ago my friend and his girlfriend had a daughter, they asked me to bring my daughter to the hospital to meet her little sister yesterday alongside others of the family. So I did exactly that but when they introduced us to the baby I was shocked. They'd named used my daughters name. She didn't seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn't look at me directly. I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friends father said he'd take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.

My friend told me to calm down and not overreact while his girlfriend told me she didn't see the issue and it was a pretty name. I asked them if they'd named the baby for my daughter trying to understand the logic here but his girlfriend said that no it was just a pretty name she liked. I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing to her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn't see a need for that.

I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn't do this, I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this. He tried to claim our daughter could use a nickname or something but I shut that down immediately asking why it was more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade to shame her name compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was yet.

His girlfriend told me I was being a bitch talking to her like that after she just gave birth and asked the nurses to remove me saying I was being disruptive.

Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It's just so loving weird.

Edit: I'd also like to state, I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care but this is one name that should be off limits or adjusted, they even have the same surname as they have the same father...Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate as if she's trying to replace my daughter and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? no that was weird.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 14:53

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

Cowslips Warren posted:

I bet it comes from the woman really. That's why so many men get babytrapped!

AITA for calling my daughters father Spineless and his girlfriend creepy over their name choice for their daughter?

Always refer to her as [Name]2 or mini-[name] if you want to be a catty bitch

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:02

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

It's called sharing and it's a shame this woman never learned about it.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:02

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Pope Corky the IX posted:

It's called sharing and it's a shame this woman never learned about it.

Sure, so you say, but how do Popes Corky I - VIII feel about it?

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:04

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Cowslips Warren posted:

I bet it comes from the woman really. That's why so many men get babytrapped!

AITA for calling my daughters father Spineless and his girlfriend creepy over their name choice for their daughter?

What a way to find out the kid was never family to them after all. Goddamn.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:07

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

As an aside I kind of hate the phrase "falling pregnant". Sounds so weird to me.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:08

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Biplane posted:

As an aside I kind of hate the phrase "falling pregnant". Sounds so weird to me.

I mean, I kind of get her describing it as an ailment given all the... fun involved and the fact that the only time she got pregnant wasn't planned.

It's still loving weird, though.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:10

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Biplane posted:

As an aside I kind of hate the phrase "falling pregnant". Sounds so weird to me.

Sounds like OSHA needs to get involved.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:12

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Sounds like OSHA needs to get involved.

If the pregnant was wearing safety harness this wouldn't have happened

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:14

digitalist: Nov 17, 2000; journey into Kirk's unknown

Biplane posted:

As an aside I kind of hate the phrase "falling pregnant". Sounds so weird to me.

might be influenced by another language, in french the expression "tomber enceinte" (falling pregnant literally translated) is pretty common, I'm guessing it can't be the only case

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:14

Upgrade: Jun 19, 2021

A pregnancy causing incident occurred

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:46

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for divorcing my wife after she gave me an ultimatum between her and pipe smoking?

quote:

So, for a bit of background, I (38M) have been happily married to my wife (35F) for 12 years. We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part, things have been good. About 6 years ago, I picked up pipe smoking as a hobby. It started innocently enough, when I found a beautiful vintage meerschaum pipe at a flea market. I thought it was just going to be a decorative item, but soon enough I was buying different blends of tobacco, attending pipe conventions, and joining online forums. I found it to be a calming and meditative practice that helped me de-stress after a long day.

My wife was initially supportive, even gifting me a few pipes for our anniversaries. However, things took a turn when I decided to dedicate a room in our house to my pipe collection. Admittedly, the smell can be overpowering at times, but I always made sure to ventilate the room and use air purifiers.

A few weeks ago, my wife sat me down and gave me an ultimatum. She said that the pipe smoking has gotten out of hand, and that she can't stand the smell anymore. She believes it's unhealthy, not just for me, but for her and our two kids as well (8M, 5F). She told me I had to choose between her and the pipes.

I was taken aback. I felt like she was asking me to give up a part of my identity. I tried to compromise, suggesting that I'd only smoke outside or limit it to certain days, but she was adamant. It was either her or the pipes.

After a lot of reflection, I decided that if she couldn't accept me for who I am, then maybe we weren't meant to be. I initiated divorce proceedings last week.

I've been getting mixed reactions from friends and family. Some think I'm justified, saying that my wife was being unreasonable. Others think I'm an rear end in a top hat for choosing a hobby over my family.

So, Reddit, AITA?

when your wife's gone you'll be able to fill a second room with fedoras

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:48

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Upgrade posted:

A pregnancy causing incident occurred

90 0 Days Since Our Last Pregnancy Causing Incident

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:49

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Just want to point out that pregnant people love it when you use terminology that implies pregnancy is a sickness. If you really want to get on their good side definitely mention you understand why their acting like a bitch what with all those hormones and everything.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:50

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Upgrade posted:

A pregnancy causing incident occurred

A penis involved pregnancy

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:54

hallo spacedog: Apr 3, 2007; this chaos is killing me
💫🐕🔪😱😱

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for divorcing my wife after she gave me an ultimatum between her and pipe smoking?

when your wife's gone you'll be able to fill a second room with fedoras

So this guy was doing the pipe thing with a pregnant person/infant/toddlers in the house huh.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:55

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for divorcing my wife after she gave me an ultimatum between her and pipe smoking?

when your wife's gone you'll be able to fill a second room with fedoras

An entire room, Filled with pipes. That he just sits in and smokes.

That guy does know that a "smoking room" usually had more than one person in it, right?

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:56

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Sounds like OSHA needs to get involved.

IT HAS BEEN [547 DAYS] SINCE THE LAST PREGNANCY

# ? Aug 28, 2023 15:58

Donkringel: Apr 22, 2008

wheatpuppy posted:

Sure, so you say, but how do Popes Corky I - VIII feel about it?

They were exhumed by the Honorable Pope Corky IX and put on trial for crimes against the church. Being dead their defenses were lifeless, and they were found guilty and excommunicated, stripped of the Papal names.

So really, there is only one Pope Corky.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:00

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Sorry, I am not prepared to deal with the implied existence of abnormal mayonnaise

M*racle Wh*p.

"Fall pregnant" is a standard British phrase. Like, I loathe "passed away" instead of "died", but it's the American convention.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:03

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for divorcing my wife after she gave me an ultimatum between her and pipe smoking?

when your wife's gone you'll be able to fill a second room with fedoras

Why yes, he does have 10+ posts in subreddits like r/PipeTobacco why do you ask? This one makes me sad because I know 100% it's true and I mean, I guess the kids will end up being raised without their father but they're too young to understand that.

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:03

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Hughlander posted:

Why yes, he does have 10+ posts in subreddits like r/PipeTobacco why do you ask? This one makes me sad because I know 100% it's true and I mean, I guess the kids will end up being raised without their father but they're too young to understand that.

What do you mean, they have a whole dedicated room and everyth- oh, his people children

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:06

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Biplane posted:

IT HAS BEEN [547 DAYS] SINCE THE LAST PREGNANCY

Ah, twins!

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:19

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Midnight Voyager posted:

Anassema

Analthema was right there

Blue Moonlight posted:

How the gently caress did the father made it through the night alive?

Probably this part :smith:

what a bunch of loving ghouls

quote:

My mother thinks that although the joke was distasteful, because he is my uncle and he is an adult I should not have said that. The rest of the family agrees with her.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

It's called sharing and it's a shame this woman never learned about it.

Rename both kids Sharon. Problem solved!

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:30

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Is falling pregnant related to all of those open vaginas just laying around that those poor guys fall penis-first into accidentally while trying very hard not to cheat?

# ? Aug 28, 2023 16:32