(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
|
Realizing it's been almost 9 years since my marriage ended and I'm still hosed up from that. Between that, my terrible socialization as a child, and my absent parents who didn't provide for me, my spouse turning out to be narcissistic in all regards, it now sucks that I can't use logic and reasoning to convince my brain that love is anything I can experience safely. Some days are too much.
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 15:55
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 23, 2024 12:14 |
|
|
No. 6 posted:Realizing it's been almost 9 years since my marriage ended and I'm still hosed up from that. Between that, my terrible socialization as a child, and my absent parents who didn't provide for me, my spouse turning out to be narcissistic in all regards, it now sucks that I can't use logic and reasoning to convince my brain that love is anything I can experience safely. Some days are too much. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 18:47
|
|
|
I'm so stressed about money it ain't even foney. Gonna die homeless at a young age cause my body's ficked up. The stress of finding a remotely ok therapist in the USA makes everything worse. I don't have energy to function because I've had covid like 5 times now (currently recovering) despite masking. Don't even want to do things I like. You're all welcome for the update.
|
|
#
?
Sep 24, 2023 22:59
|
|
|
Whirling posted:I'm feeling better about life now that I'm on lamictal, although I wish it didn't make feel so groggy and slow down my thinking at times. I've been better about motivating myself to do things and take care of myself, so I should bear with it, but ugh. What issues were you dealing with that the Lamictal helped with? I'm asking because I was prescribed it a while back but haven't started taking it yet due to fear of side effects (and I'm also like 99% sure antidepressants won't do anything for me*, so I'm unwilling to try anything that might have significant side effects or difficulty with discontinuation). I had a very bad experience with another non-SSRI/SNRI antidepressant (amitryptiline) so I don't want that to happen again. But if there aren't any significant downsides, it can't hurt to try. * this is because I'm on suboxone and my primary issue is a simple inability to enjoy anything that likely stems from my brain's reward systems being completely hosed up from over a decade of opioid dependence; I'm emotionally extremely stable (to an abnormal extent) and don't really have "bad moods" (beyond the constant understanding that life has nothing to offer, but I've felt that way for over 10 years now and it's something I've come to terms with - it's genuinely better this way than just torturing myself over things that can't be changed)
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 01:25
|
|
|
No. 6 posted:it now sucks that I can't use logic and reasoning to convince my brain that love is anything I can experience safely. Some days are too much. Extremely valid take/lens here. I’m lifting you up throughout this wave. I wish I could extend a solution, but I’m definitely with you on this one. I still struggle with that extremely familiar feeling.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 02:59
|
|
|
Had two bad days where I felt like everything I touch is poisoned. Forced myself to spend the entire day out in one place or another and feel better.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 03:23
|
|
|
ricecult posted:I'm so stressed about money it ain't even foney. Gonna die homeless at a young age cause my body's ficked up. The stress of finding a remotely ok therapist in the USA makes everything worse. I don't have energy to function because I've had covid like 5 times now (currently recovering) despite masking. Don't even want to do things I like. You're all welcome for the update. Hey, not saying it's easy but have you checked out some of the words in the 2nd post of this thread about ways to find therapists? Might make that part a little bit easier. JUST SAYIN
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 05:07
|
|
|
I guess I haven’t posted here in a while. My life’s changed a lot. I left my hometown for the city, live with a loving & supportive partner. Transitioned. Made new friends, saw lots of shows. Fixed a lot that I thought was wrong But my brain is still bad & filled with self loathing and SI. I probably need to be on an antidepressant but finding the right one is such a pain. I did that lottery ten years ago and it was miserable. love to be sick for months, put on 50 lbs, etc. only to feel 2-3% better and i don’t have access to a psychiatrist, so it’s not like i could easily get on that treadmill anyway i’ll just keep getting extremely stoned when it gets too hard to handle, surely that is sustainable or maybe i just need to get off my rear end and get a job / education , but i’m an idiot w/ untreated adhd so 
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 12:09
|
|
|
thehandtruck posted:Whats crazy to me is if all these therapists are scamming you out of money, why keep going!? It doesn't sound like it's working for you. Are you court mandated? I dont get that part. Does Norway force you to go before they give you some kind of government money or something? maybe it's just really easy to become a therapist in norway and there's little to no accountability for results. shaming your clients with vague concepts like "laziness" is blatant malpractice
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 14:12
|
|
|
Well the good news is I got to go see Stop Making Sense in Imax, which kicked rear end. The bad news is everything else. Was already having some physical anxiety issues over the week about having to drive 90 minutes each way- trouble sleeping, unable to relax, feeling tightness and soreness in chest/neck region and so on- then after I got home i found our my dad was hospitalized with what might be a minor stroke. Seems like he's doing all right for now, gonna see when i can go visit him, but it's not really making me feel better. At least I'm doing a decent job of being able to work through the symptoms and not go off on doom spirals. One thing I'm kinda worried about is sleep apnea- has anyone been diagnosed with that and what were your symptoms like? For a while I've been having trouble staying asleep, I think nose strips helped a little but I didn't have any the past couple days and that might have contributed to it. Last night I woke up a couple times with a dry mouth, once while having a dream I was nearly drowning- of course its hard to sort out since I was obviously already anxious to begin with. I mentioned it to a doctor a while back and he said that you usually need serious midday drowsiness to get diagnosed and I thought that wasn't there, but later I realized I was comparing myself to being in college and sleeping six hours starting at 3 am, and I've only been on a normal person schedule for less than a year basically my whole adult life, so maybe it's not normal to completely crash around 3pm when the coffee wears off even if you're not just literally falling asleep at your desk?
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 15:23
|
|
|
Yoo sleep apnea crew checking in. My symptoms were the midday crash, feeling like I got an hour of sleep every day and taking frequent naps whenever I could. I’ve had a CPAP for a few years now and it has truly changed my life.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 15:30
|
|
|
Tungsten posted:maybe it's just really easy to become a therapist in norway and there's little to no accountability for results. shaming your clients with vague concepts like "laziness" is blatant malpractice Occam's Razor suggests that yes, AceOfFlames got literally malpracticed by 4 evil cackling therapists in a row, rather than having an explosive and exaggerated reaction to ideas like effort being discussed by anyone ever.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 22:27
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:Occam's Razor suggests that yes, AceOfFlames got literally malpracticed by 4 evil cackling therapists in a row, rather than having an explosive and exaggerated reaction to ideas like effort being discussed by anyone ever. I have no problem with effort. If someone wants to suggest something I can expend effort in, by all means do so. I fail to see what explosive reaction I had to them. In fact a lot of people, both IRL and in this forum have said "try switching therapists since this one is clearly not working" multiple times and I have still kept going for way too long. I guess the effort I don't expend is seeing when that happens, I admit.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 22:47
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:Occam's Razor suggests that yes, AceOfFlames got literally malpracticed by 4 evil cackling therapists in a row, rather than having an explosive and exaggerated reaction to ideas like effort being discussed by anyone ever. Oh no someone vented about their negative experiences in the mental health thread, better take the other side for some reason.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 22:54
|
|
|
Idk where else to really vent but my boss is exploiting me and my mental health issues to get me doing poo poo that's not even remotely in my job description (or even valuable experience). My job title is IT technician But I do more construction helper poo poo than anything even close to computers. Plus i negotiated this job with the understanding it would be an office job with some field time, but like IT poo poo not pulling cables and fixing magnetic locks and other stuff that's not going to help me advance my career. Im salaried and expected to stay til the job is done a lot yet receive the exact same compensation when Im in the office as when I'm sweating my rear end off. I don't really know how to handle this. It's all way too personal for me, and I already have a hard time with telling people no or things that will upset them. gently caress.
|
|
#
?
Sep 25, 2023 23:03
|
|
|
i got denied by SSA again. AGAIN they did a speed denial of only 3 weeks instead of months. AGAIN they said i was moderately functional and that they 'discarded' doctors forms to the contrary since he had only seen me 3 times. and that piece of poo poo karen i saw once who threatened to call the cops on me (telemedicine call) for getting frustrated with her trying to prescribe more meds dinged me as "narcissistic, irritable, and defiant of authority figures" the judge outright said that since the clinic i go to shuffled doctors on me recently the doctor's functionality report was discarded and years worth of counseling reports were cherry picked for phrases suggesting i was only a total wreck 90% of the time so i could theoretically 'recover'. they want certain loving language and there are so many unlabled failure flags i'm just supposed to...puzzle out on my own? what the gently caress and my lawyers are useless "tell me what i need to do, and say, and aquire, to win" "oh just be honest with your doctor" useless motherfuckers this is bullshit kayfaybe tell me how to win Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 00:53 on Sep 26, 2023 |
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 00:33
|
|
|
AceOfFlames posted:I have no problem with effort. If someone wants to suggest something I can expend effort in, by all means do so. Sup Ace, nothing wrong with switching therapists obviously but you tend to come in and catastrophize stuff and I don't view your posts as reliable information about what's going on in your life. For example, there is literally no way that in multiple hour long sessions the only thing that's said to you is "you're just lazy." I just get frustrated when you post that maybe your therapists are pulling one over on you (and especially when other people agree with that bonkers idea). The commonality in every session you'll ever have with every therapist you go to is you and I assume that, rather than the insane thought that your therapists are just punching the clock, you are either not communicating your issues or are otherwise not getting what's happening, which is also fine. We are mentally unwell, after all. You wouldn't be in therapy if any of it was super easy for you. Adenoid Dan posted:Oh no someone vented about their negative experiences in the mental health thread, better take the other side for some reason. Fuuuuuuck you buddy, literally all of this discourse has been in response to Ace suggesting that his therapists are bilking him which is not only wrong but a dangerous idea to be throwing around in this space particularly.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 00:51
|
|
|
Trauts posted:Idk where else to really vent but my boss is exploiting me and my mental health issues to get me doing poo poo that's not even remotely in my job description (or even valuable experience). My job title is IT technician But I do more construction helper poo poo than anything even close to computers. Plus i negotiated this job with the understanding it would be an office job with some field time, but like IT poo poo not pulling cables and fixing magnetic locks and other stuff that's not going to help me advance my career. Im salaried and expected to stay til the job is done a lot yet receive the exact same compensation when Im in the office as when I'm sweating my rear end off. This sucks! Kind of more of a career issue than a mental health one but I can definitely see the overlap. FWIW I don't think there's anything wrong with getting stymied by dysfunctional work orgs, you didn't do anything wrong here.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 01:01
|
|
|
Ytlaya posted:What issues were you dealing with that the Lamictal helped with? I'm seeking to regulate my emotions better; I tend to have bad mood swings and I go into hysterics in the wrong conditions. So far, its helping; I feel more motivated to do things and I react a little loss strongly to things.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 01:15
|
|
|
Adenoid Dan posted:Oh no someone vented about their negative experiences in the mental health thread, better take the other side for some reason. Jorge Bell posted:Fuuuuuuck you buddy, literally all of this discourse has been in response to Ace suggesting that his therapists are bilking him which is not only wrong but a dangerous idea to be throwing around in this space particularly. I am a fair and benevolent, but partial king: Some fair points are being made. Many of us here have had issues therapist shopping, and I'm definitely mindful of how that pushes one to come to a space like this to vent about said journey. What I ask is for some accountability regarding how we vent about said experience. There are many posters here who use this thread as fuel to power through their own mental health journey, and it isn't fair to paint any or all therapists or any behavioral health specialist as a scam artist. I am well aware of what not starting a new thread could stir up if there are certain stories or instances that have been buried under posts that may shed light on how we address certain posts. Both Jorge and Ace (I can't shout everyone out) are valued members of this thread. Both have offered unique perspectives as well as thought provoking posts that have even encouraged me to practice some self-reflection. It's not always going to be pretty, and some takes may make people uncumfortable; All i ask is for some accountability and deliberate research when addressing regular posters and their styles. I am asking politely, no internet slap fights.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 02:34
|
|
|
Okay I will refrain from saying gently caress You to people that insist I'm being a big rear end in a top hat for no reason
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 03:28
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:Okay I will refrain from saying gently caress You to people that insist I'm being a big rear end in a top hat for no reason  it hurts so good.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 04:09
|
|
|
ace of flames is in a very clearly abusive relationship and until they leave it no therapist or medical intervention will be able to help them. melting down about greedy ineffectual therapists won’t help either, it further serves to drive them back into the arms of their abusers. until they end the cycle of abuse they will remain stymied in all their efforts.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 06:20
|
|
|
Consummate Professional posted:Yoo sleep apnea crew checking in. My symptoms were the midday crash, feeling like I got an hour of sleep every day and taking frequent naps whenever I could. I'm starting to wonder if something like this might be the case for me. I'm not overweight at all, but apparently it's possible to have sleep apnea even if you aren't. In the past year or so I've noticed that the extent to which I'm sleepy is clearly abnormal. The thing that clued me in is when I was at my friend's bachelor party last year, and couldn't stop yawning constantly, while other people there, some of whom were extremely out of shape and in their 40s, were okay. The yawning is something I literally can't stop - it just involuntarily happens constantly. On the other hand, sleep itself feels good and I feel good in the early morning. I just get extremely sleepy in the mid-day, and at literally any point during the rest of the day I could easily lay down and fall asleep. Early morning is literally the only time of day I have much energy. Whirling posted:I'm seeking to regulate my emotions better; I tend to have bad mood swings and I go into hysterics in the wrong conditions. So far, its helping; I feel more motivated to do things and I react a little loss strongly to things. Thanks! It probably won't be that helpful then, since mood stability is one of the only things I have going for me. Still can't hurt since there apparently aren't any bad side effects, though. Ytlaya has issued a correction as of 08:10 on Sep 26, 2023 |
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 08:07
|
|
|
I've been told I have sleep apnea and poor sleep has lost me jobs and relationships but the only time in the last 2 decades I've had health insurance I didn't get diagnosed or treated!
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 08:46
|
|
|
Trauts posted:Idk where else to really vent but my boss is exploiting me and my mental health issues to get me doing poo poo that's not even remotely in my job description (or even valuable experience). The purpose of a system is what it does. Capitalism creates mental illness through the constant low grade stress from the threat of death and homelessness hanging over you, which makes it easy for crappy bosses to exploit you. Hang in there goon, hope you can find a better job soon.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 12:42
|
|
|
Feeling like poo poo today: got better sleep but I just feel exhausted and tense, my neck feels kinda sore. Obviously got a lot to worry about- on the negative side I still feel terrible even when I'm trying to relax, but on the positive side I'm doing okay at keeping my thoughts from going off on anxiety spirals. My inner hypochondriac is causing some trouble, I think I'm gonna be setting up an appointment to talk about sleep problems but there's always a worry about something else
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 16:38
|
|
|
Jorge Bell posted:Occam's Razor suggests that yes, AceOfFlames got literally malpracticed by 4 evil cackling therapists in a row, rather than having an explosive and exaggerated reaction to ideas like effort being discussed by anyone ever. laziness is a poorly-constructed concept that consists of a moral judgment of a supposed innate psychic essence that makes people deserve poverty. it makes a lot of sense that people would be big on the concept in the world's whitest countries to clarify, this is me getting mad at the concept of laziness with near-zero context. you can only get anywhere in psychological work if you view things mechanically, and laziness is a thought-terminating cliche Tungsten has issued a correction as of 17:02 on Sep 26, 2023 |
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 16:50
|
|
|
Okay, loving cool, the attorney says the judge's reasoning and decision is full of holes and they're passing it on to the appeals attorney and I asked for the timeline for it going to the higher appeals review, and if favorable, them sending it back for a second hearing with the judge and I was told 1.5 to 2.5 years. 
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 19:44
|
|
|
Ronwayne posted:Okay, loving cool, the attorney says the judge's reasoning and decision is full of holes and they're passing it on to the appeals attorney and I asked for the timeline for it going to the higher appeals review, and if favorable, them sending it back for a second hearing with the judge and I was told 1.5 to 2.5 years. Justice deferred is justice denied. 802.11weed posted:I guess I haven’t posted here in a while. My life’s changed a lot. I left my hometown for the city, live with a loving & supportive partner. Transitioned. Made new friends, saw lots of shows. Fixed a lot that I thought was wrong Congrats on the partner/gender. It can be tough to think of it this way but that's honestly a lot of progress and I'm proud of you. I'd been quietly worried about how things had gone for you and even though a stranger's approval isn't worth much in the face of bad brains, I can at least say that I'm impressed with what you've gotten done and against what you're facing.
|
|
#
?
Sep 26, 2023 21:41
|
|
|
Somebody has issued a correction as of 19:24 on Sep 28, 2023 |
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2023 01:48
|
|
|
No. 6 posted:I'm very angry and want to hurt someone what’s on your mind?
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2023 01:54
|
|
|
Injustice mostly Edit: to clarify this isn't a statement of intent. I've never been violent towards anything living with the exception of myself. No. 6 has issued a correction as of 01:57 on Sep 28, 2023 |
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2023 01:55
|
|
|
*fat finger post*
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2023 19:24
|
|
|
Tulip posted:Congrats on the partner/gender. It can be tough to think of it this way but that's honestly a lot of progress and I'm proud of you. I'd been quietly worried about how things had gone for you and even though a stranger's approval isn't worth much in the face of bad brains, I can at least say that I'm impressed with what you've gotten done and against what you're facing. Thank you, that means a lot. I’m realizing I seem to go through seasons. Some weeks I’m ok, some I’m great, some I’m really fuckin bad. I just gotta tough it out. Luckily I now have someone I can really count on.
|
|
#
?
Sep 28, 2023 21:52
|
|
|
Whenever I talk to my dad about any problems I have in life, he inevitably urges me to go back to church. I understand he means well. He left California to go live with the rest of the family a few years ago. He had anger issues, depression, and we didn't get along as father and son I'll say that. He was born again, and now he's married with a new family and they just got a new house. His faith carried him through challenges and now he's deeply religious. The thing that bugs me is when he says "I don't want anybody I love to not go to heaven. You have to choose God or the Devil". I find this annoying because 1) this kind of black and white thinking isn't useful for most problems in life and 2) something seems really unfair about it. Like you hosed up and found a path to improve yourself, but if I don't take that exact same path something is wrong with me? It's not even saying "I know this path can help you because I know you're dealing with X, Y, and Z and so did I", it's "you have to go this way or die, you will literally burn in a lake of fire forever and also I love you". It's absurd. I asked him "is Gandhi in hell?" and he said "yes and I know some people don't like that. It doesn't matter how good you are if you don't believe in God". America Inc. has issued a correction as of 07:23 on Sep 29, 2023 |
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2023 07:20
|
|
|
That sounds loving annoying!
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2023 08:29
|
|
|
802.11weed posted:Thank you, that means a lot. I’m realizing I seem to go through seasons. Some weeks I’m ok, some I’m great, some I’m really fuckin bad. I just gotta tough it out. Luckily I now have someone I can really count on. Hell yeah. I haven't been posting here as much recently because, well, I've been doing pretty good, and so didn't have as much to say. But even then I have pretty off days. Today I woke up like 4 hours before my alarm, did some research on something that made me feel bad, and then went back to bed and just kind of felt bad about that for the rest of the day. Why did i do that? I just felt like I had to know something that didn't even make sense to need, but just had to pick at it. Wasn't useful, wasn't productive, did make me feel crappy all day. But compared to where I was a year or 10 years ago, still way better.
|
|
#
?
Sep 29, 2023 08:44
|
|
|
America Inc. posted:Whenever I talk to my dad about any problems I have in life, he inevitably urges me to go back to church. People who conceive of a judicial afterlife in this way, of heaven as a gated white flight suburb, with eternal punishment for everyone else, are demon worshipers. Bonus points if its tied in with prosperity doctrine, but I guess Jesus Junkie stuff is its own brand of terrible.
|
|
#
?
Oct 1, 2023 12:25
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 23, 2024 12:14 |
|
|
Ronwayne posted:People who conceive of a judicial afterlife in this way, of heaven as a gated white flight suburb, with eternal punishment for everyone else, are demon worshipers. Bonus points if its tied in with prosperity doctrine, but I guess Jesus Junkie stuff is its own brand of terrible. quote:Jesus said to the chief priests and elders of the people:
|
|
#
?
Oct 1, 2023 16:11
|
|