r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Ebony was the title of a news-and-culture magazine for black people.

In its time (the second half of the 20th century) it was a pretty important cultural touchstone for black Americans.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 22:08

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# ? May 23, 2024 22:54

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Ebony is a common enough name for black women in America. I knew no less than three Ebony's in high school, for example.

It does surprise me to hear that Ebony doesn't have that same connection outside of the US, judging by several of those reddit comments.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 22:31

Gnoman: Feb 12, 2014; Come, all you fair and tender maids
Who flourish in your pri-ime
Beware, take care, keep your garden fair
Let Gnoman steal your thy-y-me
Le-et Gnoman steal your thyme

StrangersInTheNight posted:

it's so common that the phenomenon of babies being accidentally left in cars, is likely related to how our brains go on auto-pilot while driving. the parents that have done it, it's happened when their brains go on autopilot, they perceive having dropped their child off, they go to work, and meanwhile the baby is faced away possibly sleeping in the back - so you can't see or hear the baby glancing back - and they have forgotten the child is in the seat and go into work. I believe this is why forward-facing car seats became a legal requirement in America.

multiple people have thought they've dropped their baby off, only to realize it's a memory of a drive from another day, and that their brain has merged things together, and their baby is, unfortunately, still in the car.

This is also where the much-mocked advice of "always keep something important like your cell phone or laptop in the back seat so you don't forget your baby" comes from. The point is to build in a routine where you always have to get into the back seat of your car when you get to work and will thus see the kid if they're somehow still there.

It got a lot of derision because of the implication that you'll remember a gizmo but forget the kid, but is genuinely sound advice.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 22:37

a podcast for cats: Jun 22, 2005; Dogs reading from an artifact buried in the ruins of our civilization, "We were assholes- " and writing solemnly, "They were assholes."; Soiled Meat

CzarChasm posted:

Do you know, like, any married men?

Dudes tend to either deny, deflect or downplay health stuff. It's not always macho, "I'm a big strong man, nothing can kill me" mindset. Sometimes it's a "Not a big deal. It's just a cold/the flu. I can handle it." Maybe it's shame because yeah, if you can't stop pissing into jars and jerking off into clothing, maybe something is really wrong mentally. And mental health has a big stigma around admitting and addressing it.

But it happens all the drat time, and it's usually guys.

Not untrue, but it feels like it'd be unfair to not to mention the uncomfortably common "manflu" trope of men being sensitive manbabies when it comes to common cold.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 22:46

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

I knew two different white girls called Ebony in the UK growing up in the 80s/90s if that helps

# ? Sep 27, 2023 22:49

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Pope Corky the IX posted:

My wife [33/f] found my [37/m] "pee bottles" and "cum shirts" in the attic and I swear to god there really is a good explanation but she refuses to speak a single word with me. This is the quintessential case of it's not what it looks like.

For the life of me I can't figure out the shirt thing. Does he have a closet with extra dress shirts in his office, but no tissues or paper towels or anything? And after the first time or two cleaning up with his work shirt, he doesn't think to bring a towel or disposable rags or anything? If he's only jerking it into a shirt once every couple months, how does he have 40 unwashed shirts up there? How much clothing does this man own? Doesn't his wife wonder where TF all his dress shirts are going?

Add in the hundreds (if not thousands) of pee bottles and this has to be a fetish or a mental illness.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:01

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

a podcast for cats posted:

Not untrue, but it feels like it'd be unfair to not to mention the uncomfortably common "manflu" trope of men being sensitive manbabies when it comes to common cold.

It really is a crappy double-edged sword and I suspect it's rooted in patriarchy. Still. A man has to be super strong because otherwise he's not a man, and super strong men don't get sick but when they do get sick they become cry babies.

And then that ties in with men dismissing menstrual pain or making jokes that childbirth hurts less than a kick to the balls because you never hear a guy say he wants to get kicked in the balls where women want to have children after the first one, and it just becomes a game of one-upmanship with pain and suffering.

WIBTA if I completely disregard my BIL's deranged plan in order to save his relationship?

quote:

This particular situation is a first for me so I really need some out side opinions.

So I (30M) just got one of the weirdest phone calls of my life from my BIL(27M). My sister and her boyfriend got married (eloped) over the summer. He and I had a FWB thing going on for a bit. It ended on a good note and we've been cordial ever since. However, his mother really likes me and greatly dislikes his current partner (28M). She has been making things awkward, difficult, uncomfortable, and any other word she an find to throw at the relationship. It caused a bit of a situation between us not to long ago, but after a final convo it was settled. or so I thought.

He called a few days ago and asked for a favor. He prefaced it by saying he was desperate, knew this was inappropriate, and it would be the last and only time he would ask. Y'all he wants me to stage a complete and utter meltdown in front of his mother (and whomever else is there at the time by the way lol) so that she can see that I am not a good fit for him and that his current partner is. There was at least 30 secs of silence followed by a "you can't be serious?" In a very serious tone on my end. I asked if he has told anyone else of this master plan he has put together. He says no. I then gently told him that I'm going to need him not to call me for but and I will contact after I've had time to think.

WIBTA if I just blocked him and put this fluster cluck behind me? this scheme just screams "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!"

Reddit help me out cuz wtf.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:04

Cacator: Aug 6, 2005; You're quite good at turning me on.

quote:

So I (30M) just got one of the weirdest phone calls of my life from my BIL(27M). My sister and her boyfriend got married (eloped) over the summer. He and I had a FWB thing going on for a bit. It ended on a good note and we've been cordial ever since. However, his mother really likes me and greatly dislikes his current partner (28M).

So OP was FWB with his sister's husband but his mother disapproves of her son's male partner and wants him to get back together with the OP? Huh?

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:09

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Cacator posted:

So OP was FWB with his sister's husband but his mother disapproves of her son's male partner and wants him to get back together with the OP? Huh?

I think the BIL isn't her sister's husband, it's her sister's husband's brother.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:10

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Cacator posted:

So OP was FWB with his sister's husband but his mother disapproves of her son's male partner and wants him to get back together with the OP? Huh?

The only way I can parse it is that 28M is the BIL's age and that "current partner" refers to OP's sister.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:11

Tarezax: Sep 12, 2009; MORT cancels dance: interrupted by MORT

Midnight Voyager posted:

I think the BIL isn't her sister's husband, it's her sister's husband's brother.

It's definitely this

Which also brings in the "oh how cute would it be if siblings on one side married the siblings on the other side" angle for the MIL

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:12

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

"My sister and her boyfriend married" is an aside that makes it confusing because you assume the next "he" is the boyfriend and not the BIL, his brother.

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:14

Foo Diddley: Oct 29, 2011; cat

AITA for shaming my husband for using a found cock ring?

quote:

So my husband wants to have a bigger penis and does different exercises to try and achieve this. He�s average-sized, not small at all and I like him the way he is, but he seems so insistent on this because he says he can please me better and it�s also �for him�, he says, I guess his pride as a man? I don�t know. Anyways, I�m fine with this, mostly, but he crossed a line in my mind today when he gave me an update today where he says he�s finally found a consistent way to �make gains�. He begins by telling a story of how he found a cock ring�on the ground�in a parking lot. He took this thing home and actually started using it. Gross.

I stopped him right there and was instantly taken aback. I could not believe my ears. I told him he was crazy and nasty, why would he ever do that? Now, he�s all exclaiming to me that he bleached it, that it was in the parking lot at work and he went back in to bleach and clean it because he wanted to see �how one worked� but it just icked me out. I tell him that he�s desperate, that he�s gross for doing that because of what it�s involved in and that I don�t care if he used bleach to clean it.

I gave a comparison saying what I found a dildo, bleached and then used it? He says it�s not the same because that enters inside someone and the ring is just a plastic ring. He then tried to reason that everything we touch has an unknown amount of and unknown origin of bacteria, from door handles to dollar bills but I don�t care, that�s just gross as hell because you know what it�s used for.

We�ve been together 15 years and I know he just wants to do better for me but I think it�s really all about him, I mean, why does he care so much? He says that if �I were to ask almost any man who is average sized or below, they�d want to be bigger�. Is this true??

I told him that I fear for his mental state and I�m honestly scared if he�s doing anything else behind my back. He says he doesn�t watch porn anymore and when he goes to do his workouts in the bathroom, he always leaves his phone in our living room �as a show of good faith� and I believe and appreciate that. And to add, he�s not doing this 24/7. I know he does his little �workouts� but I don�t want y�all to think he does nothing but strangle his chicken all day or something.

I just think it�s gross this freaking man picked up a random rear end cock ring and thinks bleach is enough. His intentions are good�I guess�.but I fear that it�s pushing him too far. I mean, these things are SO CHEAP on Amazon or something but he said he wanted to try it because �it was right there and he saw the possibilities�. Not gonna lie, I went in on him because I just think it�s gross and now he says he feels like some leper or drug addict by my reaction.

As for if it works, well, he�s definitely more �pumped up� when he�s doing his workouts vs when he isn�t at all, he just says he can�t make the �gains stick for push beyond a certain threshold� whatever that means.

I don�t know�

AITAH?

ask almost any man who is average sized or below, they'd want to wear random parking lot trash on their dicks

# ? Sep 27, 2023 23:54

Call Your Grandma: Jan 17, 2010

Arsenic Lupin posted:

I read an article years ago that pointed out that Germans, and many other cultures, are especially confused by Americans' superficial friendliness. Americans are expected to look pleasant and happy to meet new people, casually chat about their lives at work, and are happy to give strangers directions. (I am probably getting the examples wrong; feel free to correct me.) So people from more reserved cultures look at Americans and think they're trying to be friends; then they're shocked when the friendliness is surface, and doesn't actually mean that people are treating you as an intimate. It's easy to get into the entrance hallway, but very hard to get into the dining room.

I have a coworker from Germany and one of our first conversations was about how awkward it is for people to constantly ask him how his day is going because he knows they don't actually want an honest answer. I make sure to ask him how his day is going every time I see him.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:00

Defiance Industries: Jul 22, 2010; A five-star manufacturer

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for shaming my husband for using a found cock ring?

ask almost any man who is average sized or below, they'd want to wear random parking lot trash on their dicks

Dude needs to learn to jelq the head, simple as that.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:04

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

How is that supposed to make it bigger anyway and also how did he ever get the idea you could make it bigger at all, thought your genes did all that when they were expressing themselves.

This guy really should start asking men the question because he'd quickly find most dudes are fine with their dicks and don't think about nearly as much as this guy.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:05

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I�ve seen a fair amount of cock rings in my day and I can tell you I wouldn�t be able to spot one on the ground. It would just look like a little metal or rubber hoop.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:11

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Her husband puts on the cockring and turns invisible

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:12

Breetai: Nov 6, 2005; 🥄Mah spoon is too big!🍌

Khanstant posted:

How is that supposed to make it bigger anyway and also how did he ever get the idea you could make it bigger at all, thought your genes did all that when they were expressing themselves.

This guy really should start asking men the question because he'd quickly find most dudes are fine with their dicks and don't think about nearly as much as this guy.

There is an entire online community devoted to convincing people who think their dicks are too small that they are, that they cannot possibly be pleasing their partners despite all evidence to the contrary, and there is one true path to fixing their problem which is penile origami. He likely is speaking to men about this.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:14

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Just do like that one guy that tugged on his foreskin day after day until it turned into a massive mass that doesn't even really function as a penis anymore.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:25

Donkringel: Apr 22, 2008

Gnoman posted:

This is also where the much-mocked advice of "always keep something important like your cell phone or laptop in the back seat so you don't forget your baby" comes from. The point is to build in a routine where you always have to get into the back seat of your car when you get to work and will thus see the kid if they're somehow still there.

It got a lot of derision because of the implication that you'll remember a gizmo but forget the kid, but is genuinely sound advice.

I am so terrified of this that I am probably going to take off my shirt and throw it over the baby when I go driving. Yes my shirt is now covered in drool and spit up but i know for sure I did not leave the baby in the car.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:32

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

i make up for my average size by having an above-average quantity, maybe op should try that

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:34

WaywardWoodwose: May 19, 2008; The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Donkringel posted:

I am so terrified of this that I am probably going to take off my shirt and throw it over the baby when I go driving. Yes my shirt is now covered in drool and spit up but i know for sure I did not leave the baby in the car.

It's not a great habit, because the day you forget to throw your shoe, phone, ect. in the backseat with the baby will be the day you forget to take the baby out.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:36

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Donkringel posted:

I am so terrified of this that I am probably going to take off my shirt and throw it over the baby when I go driving. Yes my shirt is now covered in drool and spit up but i know for sure I did not leave the baby in the car.

I�ve never tried owning just one shirt. Is it a button-down?

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:43

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for shaming my husband for using a found cock ring?

ask almost any man who is average sized or below, they'd want to wear random parking lot trash on their dicks

A cock rings costs fifteen dollars! Just buy one, my guy!

also hang on can we briefly address where this man works because "I found it in the parking lot at work" brings up so many questions.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:50

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Please tell me how he was able to identify it as a cock ring. Maybe if it had a pattern or something. A cock ring livery.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:54

Coca Koala: Nov 28, 2005; ongoing nowhere; College Slice

Some poor soul is still looking for their wedding ring and this motherfucker is out here slipping it on his cock for his "workouts" to "get gains"

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:55

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Please tell me how he was able to identify it as a cock ring. Maybe if it had a pattern or something. A cock ring livery.

You throw it in a fire and wait until it heats up enough that the runes in the black speech begin to glow and become readable.

Like, duh.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:56

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

How could I forget about magick cock rings.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 00:58

Donkringel: Apr 22, 2008

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I’ve never tried owning just one shirt. Is it a button-down?

Only the finest of white tank tops with holes in it.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:03

Desert Bus: May 9, 2004; Take 1 tablet by mouth daily.

This guy saw a hair tie on the ground and is now using it as a cock ring.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:06

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Penile gains start innocently enough, but pretty soon you're wearing pants tailored for your gigantic wang, and buying a big-dick toilet. It's an investment.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:11

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

WIBTA if I don�t tell my husband I want to try to choose our child�s gender?

quote:

My (26F) husband (30M) and I have decided to start trying to have kids. We recently got married and have been together for 3 years total. I heard a recent �old wives tale� on tiktok where if you track your ovulation and plan sex around your ovulation you can basically �choose� your babies gender. Boy sperm hits the egg faster but dies quicker and girl sperm is slower but lives longer so if you have sex before ovulation the boy sperm will die off before the egg is there and the girl sperm will inseminate the egg and vice-versa if you have sex after ovulation the boy sperm will inseminate the egg because it�s faster. Neither of us actually care about the gender at the end of the day we just want a healthy baby. However, we both have our preferences and they are different. I truly want to try this theory out just to see if it has any merit. I don't want to tell my husband about this because then he will want me to try for a boy and if i�m going to test the theory I would try for a girl. So, Would I be the rear end in a top hat for testing this theory without my husbands knowledge.

AITA for saying I don't want to raise kids with my gf if we don't do Kwanzaa?

quote:

My GF and I were talking about possibly having kids some day, and I mentioned that if we did, I would want to celebrate Kwanzaa with them. She thought I was joking and started laughing. I said no seriously, and she raised an eyebrow and said "what is this, the 70s?".

Basically, I said that as a kid I really liked having a gift giving holiday around december, as it helped me feel like I was fitting in with the christian kids. She said that we would obviously just do our gifting on other "real" holidays. But I think there is real value to fitting in, especially since we live in a very christian area, Muslim kids can feel lonely. She said our kid would only feel that way if they were a wimp. Kwanzaa isn't a real holiday, and we don't need to engage in weird made up holidays when we have real ones we celebrate.

I was hurt by this, as I remember feeling lonely as a kid, and I remember Kwanzaa giving me similar experiances to other kids really helping, so I told her that. She said that if my familly hadn't done it I would have learned to deal with it like she did, and that we wouldn't want to coddle any kids we had. she said "you need to be tough on kids, help them too much and they grow up weak". I said that I was feeling kind of insulted, as she was literally insulting something that was important to me as a kid, and she told me to "get over it".

At this point I said "You gotta raise kids right, and that is by letting them know they are taken care of. Celebrating Kwanzaa is one small thing that could help them feel safe and like a part of their community. If you can't do something that small to give a kid some comfort I am not sure I want to raise kids together." She scoffed and we haven't spoken about it since. I then had to take a couple day trip out of the state for work. Her sister today texted me they had been talking, and that they both thought I was an rear end in a top hat for not budging on such a small point since it isn't a real holiday, and I clearly don't care about it since I don't currently celebrate it. It is too small a point to not have kids over.

So yeah, now they both think I am being a stubborn jerk for sticking with a holiday that doesn't matter, especially since I haven't celebrated it since I was 15. but I am not budging, because I think the holiday isn't really even the point as much as "you got to be nice to kids" and I am not budging on this no matter what anyone says.

Aita for sticking with this point?

Edit: For the record in case people don't know, kwanzaa is not a religious holiday. Its sort of spiritual celebration of black culture. we are both black Muslims, but her family did not celebrate kwanzaa

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:14

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if I don�t tell my husband I want to try to choose our child�s gender?

OP, it's basically a 50/50. Just have fun loving and don't worry about it.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:18

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

John Wick of Dogs posted:

Her husband puts on the cockring and turns invisible

I mean, i know the hobbits put the ring on their fingers, but i don�t think Tolkien ever specified that the ring has to be a finger ring.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:23

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Defiance Industries posted:

Dude needs to learn to jelq the head, simple as that.

Sometimes you just want to permanently break your dick. For those times, jelq!

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I�ve seen a fair amount of cock rings in my day and I can tell you I wouldn�t be able to spot one on the ground. It would just look like a little metal or rubber hoop.

I just assume he found a fuckin washer or something. When all you think about is your dick, every circle looks like a cockring.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:24

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Cowslips Warren posted:

It really is a crappy double-edged sword and I suspect it's rooted in patriarchy. Still. A man has to be super strong because otherwise he's not a man, and super strong men don't get sick but when they do get sick they become cry babies.

And then that ties in with men dismissing menstrual pain or making jokes that childbirth hurts less than a kick to the balls because you never hear a guy say he wants to get kicked in the balls where women want to have children after the first one, and it just becomes a game of one-upmanship with pain and suffering.

WIBTA if I completely disregard my BIL's deranged plan in order to save his relationship?

Patriarchy isn't actually meant to benefit men. It's meant to benefit patriarchs. Men who are insecure, unable to seek help and don't even know how are easy to manipulate.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:26

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Please don't ever use a metal cock ring, only silicone or latex. If it gets stuck it can prevent the blood from being let back into the body and nerve damage can result while you work up the courage to go to the ER and admit what you need.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:34

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

That�s what tin snips are for.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 01:40

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# ? May 23, 2024 22:54

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if I don’t tell my husband I want to try to choose our child’s gender?

AITA for saying I don't want to raise kids with my gf if we don't do Kwanzaa?

First one is such a clearly faulty study with biased participants, no control group, and a sample size of 1.

Second one already knows the answer and probably didn't even need to bring Kwanzaa up. Declaring that you don't care about something since it only applies to "weak" kids is bad adult poo poo to say, then she declares her intent to neglect a theoretical child to avoid the risk of their child feeling safe, confident, and happy in their home.

# ? Sep 28, 2023 02:20

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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