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I can't believe defunctland missed that part
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Nov 2, 2023 20:40
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| # ? May 29, 2024 19:51 |
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When asked to justify his Office Movie Night selection, Jim replies he "really identifies" with Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken. Dwight is somewhat moved by this, believing that Jim is referring to a difficult coming of age that may have formed the foundation of Jim's unhealthy prank obsession. Dwight reminds himself to be more thoughtful to Jim in the future. Jim is actually referring to the fact that Ruby Gillman is a terrifying aquatic monster from the stygian depths of the sea. Jim blinks what appear to be nictitiating membranes over his eyes as he mugs for the camera.
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Nov 2, 2023 21:42
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Jim has Dwight classified as a bridge, then has him ruled structurally deficient. The resulting project to improve and modernize Dwight runs 4 months over schedule and runs a shocking 20 million dollars over budget.
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Nov 3, 2023 03:17
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Jim sits at his desk, refusing to break eye contact with Dwight, as he eats a "bottomless" tray of eels that he had delivered from "Carl's Eel Emporium". Runners are pushing through like it's Miracle on 34th Street pouring bags of eels into the tray to keep it filled while Jim, like a robot, just keeps grabbing them and shoving them into his mouth. It's not even clear if his masticating jaw is chewing them down effectively. Eel after eel pours down his gullet until finally, Jim's stomach bursts and he dies in agony while thousands of half-digested, barely-cooked eels flood out of his guts. Dwight takes a half day off of work, which technically he isn't allowed to do; and he is eventually docked a full PTO day (as was Jim's plan the entire time).
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Nov 3, 2023 03:46
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Jim buys a novelty calendar that shows what holiday every day is. He is highly insistent that they observe these holidays, no matter what, with the respect they are due. Dwight looks at 11/2's listing and goes pale. "Plan Your Epitaph Day" Dwight sighs and quickly scribbles down some notes as he sees Jim approaching with a huge grin on his face. "Still writing, huh? Well, what do you got?" Jim yanks the paper from Dwight's desk and begins to read it aloud: "'Dwight Schrute - Try To Leave The World Better Than You Found It.' Wow, okay, Dwight. That's bad , but check this out!" Jim grins and pulls something rapidly from his jacket pocket. Dwight flinches, closing his eyes, and hoping that Angela will be alright without him when Jim just starts reading off one offensive slur after another, each more derogatory than the last. After nearly 2 solid minutes, a breathless Jim has to sit down and looks around at everyone who are still speechless at the horrible things that Jim just said. Jim finally breaks the silence by saying that he's just celebrating the holiday and none of them can say anything about it because it'd be discrimination. However, they should feel free to get into the spirit of the holiday and call him all the epitaphs they want, too, he doesn't care.
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Nov 3, 2023 05:24
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One day at the office, while Dwight is away at a meeting with a client, Jim finds a journal on Dwight’s desk labeled “Fun Pranks for Jim to Play on Dwight.” Jim shows Pam and the both of them remember how much fun they had when they discovered Michael’s screenplay, “Threat Level Midnight”, and held a table reading with the other Dunder-Mifflin employees. They decide to do the same with Dwights journal, photocopying the pages to hand out to their coworkers. The reading begins (despite Toby’s protests) with plenty of laughs at Dwight’s expense. Dwight’s journal is an overwrought harangue that depicts him as an charitable, almost saintly, figure, who the reader is intended to feel pity for as he is mercilessly pranked by Jim. Jim, in equal contrast, is depicted as a spiteful, malicious trickster god, who is simultaneously craven and pathetic while also somehow clever and powerful enough to constantly make Dwight miserable. The office shares laughs and surprises, as they mock Dwight’s self-pitying prose and the cartoonish ways they are depicted. “Does Dwight really think I drink that much?” says Pam in a talking head. “I’m a working mom.These days, I get sleepy after half a glass of white wine.” “I had to go the hospital once, Dwight!”, Meredith says to the camera. “It’s all I can afford when all we have is *your* terrible health insurance plan.” “What about me?”, says Nellie.”I’m not even in this.”, she says before she is reminded that she wasn’t a character until the unpopular later seasons. The laughs continue. “Chips the Monkey” is a popular recurring character. Michael is applauded for his portrayal of “Cosmic Jim.” Everyone agrees that Dwight’s beet obsession has become unhealthy. But the journal begins to take a dark turn. Dwight’s fantasies become more graphic, erotic, and masochistic with each page. A number of employees return to work after the slog known as “the Elon as Waluigi” chapter. The vibe around the table grow more uncomfortable until- “Jim!”, interrupts Kevin. “I think Dwight wants to bang you!” “What?”, replies a stunned Jim in disbelief. “That’s… ridiculous.” “Actually, I think Kevin has a point.”, interjects Oscar. “There is a lot of very… homoerotic imagery in the way Dwight depicts you; the way you both avoid your wives to continue your conflict, the way he describes you and other men being hosed down with various fluids-“ “He always writes you as being nude with red tennis shoes, Jim.”, says Phyllis. “I think it’s his fetish.” A visibly uncomfortable Jim hems and haws. “I think you’re taking it out of context! Dwight and I are just coworkers, and both in relationships with women. There’s no way-“ Stanley, exasperated, gets in Jim’s face. “Jim, face it. Dwight is down bad for your white rear end. Anyway, I’m going back to work.” “Well…, I…, uh…”, Jim paces nervously before grabbing all the copies. “Ok, Dwight will be back soon, so fun’s over. I’ll get rid of these copies. Remember: Don’t Tell Dwight! This is weird enough as it is”, he says before returning to work. ———————— The next day, Jim and Dwight start work at their desks as usual. But Jim notices a panicked look on Dwight’s face; his coworker is frantically checking all of his desk drawers. “Jim!”, Dwight yells. “Did you take my journal?!?” “No!”, says Jim, for once genuinely surprised. “It was right there on the desk, last I saw it.” He looks towards Pam, who is equally confused. They returned the journal to Dwight’s desk as soon as copying finished, did they not? Just then, Kevin walks up to Dwight with a gift box. “Here, Dwight - a present for you. It’s, uh… Secret Santa.” “Secret Santa? In July?,” says Dwight, opening the box. Inside is a pair of red tennis shoes. “I think you’ll like them.”, says Andy. “They’re just Jim’s size.” “Why would you give me shoes sized for Jim’s feet, you idiot?” “Oh… no reason… Balloon Boy.” Kevin mugs the camera.
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Nov 3, 2023 14:17
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*Cut to final Talking Head sequence before end credits* Creed is in the interview room, reading a journal labeled “Fun Pranks for Jim to Play on Dwight.” “Oh, Chips!,” he chuckles. “You rascal!”
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Nov 3, 2023 14:20
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Jim and Pam take turns making tender, yet passionate, love to a pair of red tennis shoes
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Nov 3, 2023 14:51
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Jim begins selling coffee inside the office, eventually getting rid of the free coffee machine and forcing everyone to buy from him. This wouldn't be so bad (the coffee is actually pretty good) except Jim insists on everyone using extremely cringey names for all the drinks. Dwight orders a cup of coffee with one cream and one sugar. "Cof...fee? What is this strange word you speak?" Jim asks with a grin. "You must have us confused with some other beverage bistro, pal." Dwight sighs, then asks for a "Millenial Wakeup Juice with one Moo-Moo Millky and one sprinkle of Mystic Crystals of The Sweetness". "You got it," Jim replies with an even bigger grin, "can I get you anything else?" Dwight holds back vomit as he asks for a "Super Duper Fruity Roly Poly Heckin' Pupperino Good Doggo Bun". Jim mugs for the camera as he hands Dwight a cinnamon bun.
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Nov 3, 2023 14:54
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Jim works up the courage to ask Dwight about his “Fun pranks for Jim to play on Dwight” journal. “Is this really how you see me?” he asks, “As this spiteful, vindictive monster? If so, I really apologize. I guess I’ve just been trying to lighten the mood around here, relieve some tension. With the layoffs, and the branches closing….” Jim drifts off. “Anyway, I’m sorry.” Dwight, who looks extremely uncomfortable, says nothing. “But I’ve gotta ask: what is up with your Jim character? Is he supposed to be me? Why am I working so many jobs? Do I have them all at the same time? Is that where I get the money for these elaborate set ups? But on the other hand, shouldn’t I be in jail by now? In one of them, this Jim just murders you. In fact, you die in a lot of these stories. Are you feeling okay?”
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Nov 3, 2023 15:15
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Dwight confesses that he has been under a lot of pressure lately and might be projecting a bit in his journal. "Oh, it's because of the kidney thing," Jim says with real concern in his voice, "that's why you're going to the urologist a bunch in these. Dwight, buddy, it's gonna be okay. We're going to find you another kidney, there must be a donor out there somewhere!" Dwight breaks down crying, admitting that he's just really scared he's not going to make it. All the dialysis, all the waiting, all the dead ends trying to find a kidney... it's a lot. "I get it, Dwight. It's probably pretty cathartic to imagine all of your problems stemming from me, huh? Just one human being who you can rationalize and sometimes make out to be pathetic and stupid. Rather than it being a random roll of the dice. Well, buddy, go ahead and write as many pranks as you want." Dwight wipes away his tears and thanks Jim for being understanding. "Sure thing. Now, hey, why don't we go get some lunch at Poor Richard's? My treat." Dwight rushes out of the office as Jim stays behind, saying that he just has to use the restroom. Once Dwight is out of earshot, Jim summons the camera crew over. "So, actually, they found a donor like 5 months ago but I told the hospital that Dwight was now a Jehovah's Witness and shunned all medical treatment, especially surgery. He has no idea!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Nov 3, 2023 15:29
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Jim can't stop pranking Dwight or he'll die.
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Nov 3, 2023 16:15
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Gatto Grigio posted:One day at the office, while Dwight is away at a meeting with a client, Jim finds a journal on Dwight’s desk labeled “Fun Pranks for Jim to Play on Dwight.” 
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Nov 3, 2023 16:32
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Taffy Jr. posted:Jim can't stop pranking Dwight or he'll die. The ghost of Dennis Hopper straps a bomb to Jim's heart which will explode if he doesn't prank Dwight every 24 hours. When Jim, suitably terrified, explains this to Dwight he's met with a look of derision and anger. Dwight scoffs, tells Jim to grow up, and then returns to work. "Please, Dwight! I don't know why he did it! Maybe because I called EDtv a ripoff of The Truman Show?! But it is, Dwight! It totally is!"
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Nov 3, 2023 17:01
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Jim is also deeply upset to learn that Dennis Hopper is a ghost and, therefore, has died. "But how is he going to play King Koopa in the sequel to Super Mario Brothers: The Movie?" Jim sobs, as he lies curled up on his race car bed.
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Nov 3, 2023 18:20
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Jim can't stop pranking Dwight or he (Dwight) will die.
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Nov 3, 2023 20:48
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Jim can’t stop pranking Dwight, or he (Dennis Hopper) will die.
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Nov 3, 2023 23:50
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Jim can’t stop pranking Dwight, or he (Kevin) will die.
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Nov 4, 2023 04:50
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Jim and Dwight are both left flummoxed when Nellie announces that she’s not even British, she just has to speak in a British accent or else everyone else in the world will die instantly. “Wait, who are you again?”
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Nov 4, 2023 14:03
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Nellie died when the Deadprankster’s Switch on her dynamite vest triggered by Jim’s Prank-o-Meter reaching zero during his “New Jim” phase but nobody noticed.
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Nov 4, 2023 14:19
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Jim(Dwight) can’t stop pranking Dwight(Jim) or he(Pam) will die(Brian).
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Nov 4, 2023 14:57
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Brian can’t stop banging Pam or else he (Jim) will die (murdered by Brian).
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Nov 4, 2023 15:45
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Jim can’t stop pranking Dwight, or He (Jifeng) will die. The CCP mugs the camera.
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Nov 4, 2023 15:54
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Dwight arrives home from a long day of work. Just as he (Dwight) is stepping out of the car, Angela arrives home, driving carelessly with baby Beetram facing forward in the front seat (this is actually allowed thanks to Scranton's lax safety laws that classify children under four as "dogs"). Dwight screams as Angela comes careening into the garage and Dwight is forced to flee into the house just inches ahead of Angela's front bumper. Dwight enters the living room, looking forward to collapsing onto his couch and watching his old-fashioned "rabbit-ears" television set, but is shocked to see his living room is already crowded with people, including: Chips the Monkey, Little Champion the Eagle, Jim's Super Squeaky Shoe Machine, A ream of clown paper, an elevator full of soup, Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi), Dwight's Grandfather Screechy the Screech Owl, Goldie the Goldfish, a bunch of Tiny Jims of varying sizes, a rare Golden Jim, Pam (drunk on wine), Philip and Cece holding hands in matching Victorian children's outfits, Meredith (in traction), Michael Scott (dressed as Prison Mike), Brian the boom mike operator, a pair of Middle Eastern merchants, Joan Cusack (dressed as the mom from Mars needs Moms), actor/director/strikebreaker John Krasinski, several gibbering Minions, a cultist in black robes etched with the Glyph of Bottomless Spaghetti, Jim's uncle who works at Nintendo, Justin Roiland, and the ghost of Dennis Hopper. Presiding over it all is Jim, nude except for a pair of red tennis shoes. "Welcome home, balloon boy!" screeches Jim, grinning from ear to ear. "What do you think of my 'couch prank?'" Dwight sighs and shrugs. "Eh, the Simpsons already did it." Jim mugs at the camera with a pained "what are you gonna do?" look in his eyes. Taffy Jr. fucked around with this message at 17:35 on Nov 4, 2023 |
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Nov 4, 2023 17:12
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Jim secretly installs a magnetically powered launching mechanism under Dwight’s chair; one equal to the devices used in powerful roller coasters. Jim is practically drooling with excitement, waiting for Dwight to come into the office, when Michael comes in. “Guys, I have some bad news. Uh, I don’t know how to put this, but Dwight… Dwight was in a car accident this morning.” Gasps of shock and concern issue forth from the employees. Michael quickly waves his hands to calm them down. “And I’m not going to lie, he’s not out of the woods yet. He was t-boned by a distracted driver and the car flipped. Angela is fine, Dwight took the brunt of the impact. He’s conscious but in a lot of pain and he’s got a handful of surgeries scheduled for the next 24 hours that are going to be vital towards his recovery. There may be internal bleeding, you know, you never want to hear that. But Dwight’s a fighter, he’s a hell of a guy. He’ll be fine. So, uh, just do your best today, okay? I ask that you give Angela privacy right now, she’s going to update me as soon as she knows more and wants to share it. Thanks everyone.” Silence for a moment, then Jim stands up. “Okay just so you know I didn’t do it. I just need to make sure you know that.” “Jesus, Jim,” replies a clearly frustrated Phyllis, “can we please not make everything about you?! A man’s in the hospital and you’re trying to act like it’s a stupid prank.” “Ok but actually I’m not! I’m doing the opposite, you see. My prank was something different.” “For gently caress’s sake,” mutters Oscar. Dwight, blessedly, makes it through surgery and begins the long road to recover through daily physical therapy. Days later, there’s a scary moment when Dwight slips and falls in his hospital room, fracturing his wrist and causing a major setback in recovery. But he continues to push through and, less than 4 months after the horrific accident that nearly claimed his life, Dwight returns to the office. Walking slowly and with the aid of a cane, Dwight greets everyone and makes his way back to his desk. He’s lost some weight and some muscle definition, and there are some new lines on his face, but it’s still the same old Dwight. He sits down at his desk, all while Jim mugs uncontrollably. But as Dwight sits down, nothing happens. No flying chair, not even a noise of a humming motor. “Wait, Dwight, just wait one second. Let me adjust that chair for you!” Jim says with a smile. He plops down on the ground and begins disconnecting and reconnecting wires, cursing as he does so. He yanks up a piece of carpet, revealing a small control panel with flashing lights. “poo poo,” Jim says, “hey Dwight can you get out of your chair for a minute? I, uh, need to raise it up a little for you.” “Shut the gently caress up, Jim!” screams an angry Kelly. “Can’t you leave Dwight alone for one day?” asks Phyllis. Jim frowns and sits back at his desk. What a loving day, he thinks. What a bullshit day. The rest of the day goes on without incident, with Dwight leaving a little bit early as it takes him a lot longer to get around. Angela walks him out and the office (minus Jim) showers Dwight with affection. A few minutes after they’ve left, Dwight’s chair rockets at over 130 miles per hours directly into Jim, sending him careening into a wall.
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Nov 4, 2023 18:28
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In mid December, Jim takes a huge deep breath of cold air. Jim holds his breath until the following summer then uses it to blow winter air into Dwight's tires.
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Nov 4, 2023 22:59
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White noise. Deafening thunder. Waves of blood. Rats eating a corpse. Dwight's face in on every passerby. And then: the alarm clock rings. Jim awakes from his usual dreams and forces his aching, emasculated body into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror and discovers that his hair became even more floppy over night. He sighs and does not even try to comb it. Jim walks up the stairs from the basement and greets his wife and children. No answer. Pam avoids eye contact and hurries the children out of the house. Jim hears the car starting in the empty kitchen. He tries to eat some toast but cannot bring himself to swallow more than a bite. His appetite seems to be getting worse again. At least he can now inhale his morning ration of clown gas uninterruptedly. After breakfast Jim climbs into his Zorb and rolls down the empty Scranton roads. At 11pm there really is not much traffic. While rolling he goes over the to-prank list in his mind. Just one entry: Dwight. He arrives at the office building and sees something perplexing: a circus tent in the parking lot. As Jim deflates the Zorb he watches five dwarves in clown costumes enter the building. Strange, he thinks. He only planned to do magnet based pranks today. Not clowns... Is someone trying to upstage him? Furiously he storms into the elevator. It still smells like soup. Heh. He enters the office, stomps with his food and starts to screech: "Why are there midge..." He can't finish the sentence because Michael and Dwight jump onto him from behind and cover his mouth. Suddenly Jim feels like a heavy burden is lifted from him, like the fog in his brain is clearing. His limbs straighten, his hair falls down on his head and he feels the strength return to his body. "Mij" he whispers and begins to cry. Dwight helps Jim get up and the whole office gathers around Jim. "The demon is banished", Pam exclaims and cries as well. "Well done, Michael and Dwight", compliments Oscar. "Looks like we have some quiet months ahead of us". Jim smiles and hugs his wife. He is glad to be back. Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 09:49 on Nov 5, 2023 |
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Nov 4, 2023 23:26
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Erasable Penis posted:White noise. Deafening thunder. Waves of blood. Rats eating a corpse. Dwight's face in on every passerby. And then: the alarm clock rings. Jim enters the office, stomps with his food and starts to screech: “Why are there clowns afflicted with dwarfism in here?!” Michael and Dwight, who were poised behind Jim and ready to tackle him, groan and stand up straight. Michael looks down and shakes his head as he begins to head back into his office, while Dwight curses and throws his arms up in frustration on the way back to his desk. Pam silently cries at her desk. “Sorry guys, it was a good shot,” Oscar mourns before looking back at his computer. “The one time Jim is politically correct…” Jim shrugs as looks over at Michael and Dwight in confusion, and then he glances at the camera with a quick, knowing mug. He continues to stomp into the office with his food boots full of spaghetti.
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Nov 5, 2023 02:10
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Jim remakes his most beloved, classic pranks into shoddy "live action" versions as part of a cynical cash grab. Dwight is forced to endure the pranks again only this time with uncanny valley CGI versions of beloved characters like Chips and the Squeaky Shoe machine who are somehow less realistic than the originals. Also the new versions of the songs are bad. A CGI remastered Jim mugs in an off-putting and slightly blurry way at the camera.
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Nov 5, 2023 05:44
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Jim and Pam reconcile after Jim gets a dust mote caught in his eye and can't stop his eyelid from twitching. Pam, believing this to be flirtatious winking, falls in love with Jim again and lets him move back upstairs from the basement. After a few months the two seem to be back to their old habits, which them working together to execute more elaborate pranks on Dwight and comparing their "undying love" to every other couple they know. Dwight is conflicted - although the pranks are still pretty painful, Jim is much less depressing to be around and Dwight feels much less existential dread around the office. Things quickly take a turn for the worse, however, as Jim and Pam begin discussing renewing their vows. "Dwight, buddy, I think you know what time means," Jim says to Dwight, "and it means you being my best man. Can you get everything set up for next month, buddy? We're doing a Disney wedding, obviously." Dwight says he can't help out, he's extremely busy with the holidays coming up and he doesn't know a thing about organizing a wedding. Anyway, that's not even what a best man does. They really should hire a wedding planner. Jim rolls his eyes. "Pffftt, always joking! Anyway Pam and I did a lot of the work. We want to get married at the Polynesian Resort, we want Mickey to handle the ceremony, and we want the food to be super yummers!" "Super yummers!" Pam echoes. "Yummers in our tummers!!!" Jim squeals back at Pam. Dwight rushes to the restroom to vomit and, by the time he returns to his desk, Jim and Pam have left. Oscar leans over and says that they both left after getting "hot and heavy" on Dwight's desk. Dwight looks down, sees a streak of sweat across it, and then rushes to the restroom again. When he gets back this time, Oscar asks if he's going to help plan the wedding. Dwight says he has no idea, he never expected the pranks to reach this new level of transcendental horror so quickly.
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Nov 6, 2023 17:07
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Jim, staring deeply into Pam’s eyes, says she’s “one heckin cute pupperino.” Blushing, she smiles back. Both are crouched on top of Dwight’s desk while Dwight tries to schedule an urgent appointment with his urologist.
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Nov 6, 2023 17:14
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Jim tells Dwight they are both fictional characters in a sitcom and their lives have no meaning. He says he's going to the roof to make "the only choice that might mean anything" and does not return. Dwight can't find him anywhere, and what's more nobody else even remembers Jim. Dwight sits silent as the documentary crew film him. Just when he is about to say something he's interrupted by Erin bringing him a fax from an unknown number. Dwight reads it and recognizes it as Plato's allegory of the cave.
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Nov 6, 2023 17:49
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Dwight is at the urologist for testicular pain. "Let's take a look," sighs Dr. Curologist (Dwight's urologist). Dwight removes his trousers and Dr. Curologist squats down to examine Dwight's testicles. "Ah I think I see the problem," says Dr. Curologist. There is a tiny Jim in Dwight's pants working Dwight's ballsack like a speedbag. The tiny Jim mugs for Dr. Curologist and goes back to punishing Dwight's balls.
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Nov 6, 2023 19:12
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Dwight manages to pull off the impossible and books a fairy tale Disney wedding for Jim and Pam. There's just one major concern - it's a destination wedding and the cost to attend is extremely high. Dwight voices his concern to the couple, saying that people might be financially strapped if they attend the wedding. Between travel, the hotel room (as Jim and Pam insisted on a block of rooms at the Polynesian Resort), and the overall cost of staying around a major tourist area - this could discourage people from visiting. "Eh, it's fine. Everybody loves Disney, they'll show up," Jim insists. "Yeah, after all we made everybody come to Niagara Falls and I didn't hear any complaints." "Not even from Grandma Sherry," Pam said, "and she was on a fixed income and could barely leave the house!" "I don't want to leave the house," Jim says with a sly smile, "as long as YOU'RE with me! "Oh, Jim!" Dwight holds back his bile and says he'll finalize the wedding plans, not entirely sure why he's even doing this at this point. But at least Jim seems happy, that's something. Dwight leaves the room as Jim and Pam begin making gurgling noises at each other while discussing dinner, which they now call "din din yum yums". The day of the wedding comes and Dwight, dressed in an expensive tuxedo, helps seat the Halperts' elderly relatives in the front row before feeling his phone buzz. It's Jim, who says it's an emergency. Dwight rushes into Jim's room and finds him, nude except for a pair of red tennis shoes, throwing a tantrum. Dwight asks what's wrong. "LOOK AT THIS poo poo, DWIGHT! LOOK AT IT! THEY FORGOT THE HIDDEN MICKEY! THEY loving FORGOT!" Jim throws his suit at Dwight and Dwight, thinking quickly, points at the right sleeve of the jacket and says "there's the hidden Mickey". Jim looks at it, crosses his eyes, and then responds "oh yeah!". The wedding then begins. The 11 members of the Halpert family who attend (the only ones who can afford it, are willing to travel to Florida, and still can stand Jim and Pam) happily celebrate as a man in a Mickey Mouse costume declares Jim and Pam to be married again under the eyes of "God and Walt Disney", then the theme from Beauty and the Beast begins as Jim and Pam make out like a pair of teenagers. Dwight smiles and then slips away to vomit in a garbage can. The party goes on late into the night, with Jim and Pam dancing to various Disney songs and feasting upon churros, cotton candy, and Mickey shaped waffles. When an elderly relative asks if that's all the food that's available, Jim calls her "an old bitch", shoves her, and then asks a security guard dressed as Powerline to "get her the gently caress out of here". Dwight realizes, far too late, how terrible things have gotten when Jim and Pam start aggressively grinding on each other to "Hakuna Matata" while Pam's great aunt Hilda passes out from exhaustion. Rushing to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face, Dwight finds one of the employees of the rest sitting there with a thousand yard stare. Dwight asks if it's always like this. "Yeah, I mean... this one's bad. But it's not the worst one I've ever seen. But this one checks all the boxes. Arrested development couple, completely ignoring everyone else. Let me guess - they made everybody else pay for the travel and hotel rooms?" Dwight sadly nods. "Thought so. It'll get worse, too. They're bringing the cake out soon. If you can sneak out, I would, pal." Dwight thanks the man for some companionship, then makes his way back towards the ballroom. He peers in. The cake had, indeed, shown up. Jim and Pam are jokingly shoving fistfuls of cake in each other's faces. The cake cost over $2000 and Dwight notices that nearly half of it has now been smeared onto Pam's dress and Jim's tuxedo. Jim begins singing a Lin Manuel Miranda song as Pam sheds tears of joy, prompting Dwight to keep walking out the front door of the resort. As he heads towards the parking lot, a concierge asks if he needs anything. Dwight simply says "no" and keeps on walking, realizing that he's unleashed a new type of hell upon the world.
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Nov 6, 2023 19:57
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Jim gives Dwight a yeast infection.
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Nov 6, 2023 22:03
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Taffy Jr. posted:Jim gives Dwight a yeast infection. While analyzing a sample of this strange new yeast strain, the tech could have sworn he saw a face mugging her...
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Nov 6, 2023 22:12
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Taffy Jr. posted:Jim gives Dwight necrotizing fasciitis.
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Nov 6, 2023 22:13
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Jim writes a really bad novel for NaNoWriMo and makes Dwight read it.
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Nov 6, 2023 22:24
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Jim gives Dwight a single red rose
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Nov 6, 2023 22:27
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| # ? May 29, 2024 19:51 |
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Jim gives Dwight a cauliflower ear.
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Nov 6, 2023 22:58
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