kiimo posted:

I'm not sure Die being the feminine THE in German is really that funny after all this time? I suppose if you're just finding out

FreudianSlippers posted:

German is just an inherently funny language

Antigravitas posted:

They do not.

FreudianSlippers posted:

German is just an inherently funny language

TITTIEKISSER69 posted:

Imagine how those must sound

quote:

quote:

Throwaway for privacy, couldn't think of a non-offensive name.

I never thought this would be an issue or something I would ever have to devote thought to, but my nephew who lives with us has started puberty, and his new masturbation habits are causing major issues.

Our house has very thin walls, and currently, one functioning bathroom. We have 6 people here, 2 of whom are twin infants. The last person is my very intellectually disabled sister (not his mother). There are two bedrooms upstairs for the kids, and two downstairs.

Male masturbation, unfortunately, makes noise. This noise wakes the babies and/or my sister. When the babies wake up, EVERYONE is now up and going upstairs to check on them. The babies aren't getting enough sleep, and the rest of us aren't getting enough sleep. I got into a minor car crash (sans children) because I'm not awake enough anymore.

There's also the issue of my sister walking in. There are no locks on the bedroom doors, and my sister doesn't exactly grasp knocking. She used to be able to deal with a closed door, but she's been having trouble as of late. The noise troubles her, but seeing it would be disastrous due to recent trauma.

The bathroom would also be an issue because we currently only have the one and EVERYONE'S bathroom needs have to be dealt with there. I can't devote bathroom time to any one person outside of medical issues.

My husband doesn't understand why this HAS to happen, that we just need to tell him not to do it. He started puberty at 16, and views masturbation before adulthood as unnecessary. I grew up in a high stress home, started before puberty, and realize that it's a major need if only for stress relief. However, something has to give. I don't want to give him a complex, but people need to be able to sleep.

There has to be a set rule other than "sometimes we shout at you and sometimes it's never mentioned" because that's what works best in parenting, but I don't know WHAT time would be free. Nephew doesn't have home alone time often if ever.

I feel like an rear end in a top hat, but also like I don't really have a choice.

quote:

a commenter posted:

> Male masturbation, unfortunately, makes noise

No...it doesn't? What the gently caress is he masturbating to/with that wakes people up? YTA. Teenagers masturbate, and you won't be able to 'ban' him from doing so. If for whatever reason he is being this loud, talk to him about being more discreet.

quote:

OP posted:

The part that makes the noise is the ejaculation. AFAIK, it's supposed to sound like "clink clink clink" but it sounds more like dumping coins into a bucket.

quote:

the full text of the post after the OP edited it posted:

I'm not good at describing noises. JFC

kiimo posted:

I cannot imagine how horribly that person got roasted

FreudianSlippers posted:

German is just an inherently funny language

Desert Bus posted:

AITA for effectively banning my nephew from masturbating?

LASER BEAM DREAM posted:

The original thread is amazing

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c6kj3a/aita_for_effectively_banning_my_nephew_from/

Busket Posket posted:

OwlFancier posted:

When you nut it sounds like a fusilier regiment firing a volley.

Amphigory posted:

Like stirring a big pot of shells and cheese

freeedr posted:

It doesn’t let me read it but I still just can’t imagine what sound they are talking about unless he’s moaning like a wounded elk while meat handling

Amphigory posted:

Like stirring a big pot of shells and cheese

BrianBoitano posted:

kiimo posted:

I'm not sure Die being the feminine THE in German is really that funny after all this time? I suppose if you're just finding out

Soul Dentist posted:

So what does "relaxed" mean in German

kiimo posted:

I'm not sure Die being the feminine THE in German is really that funny after all this time? I suppose if you're just finding out

Grassy Knowles posted:

It’s not funny and you shouldn’t laugh about it. Luckily this isn’t the feminine definite article, it’s the plural third-person as the implied noun is Jeans.

kiimo posted:

ach so!

Soul Dentist posted:

So what does "relaxed" mean in German

Inceltown posted:

The r/r thread eventually puzzled it out to be the noise you hear when someone tips a camgirl iirc.

A Moose posted:

Even if that's true, she believes that jerking off makes that sound, which is a wild leap to make, unless maybe she's used to hearing her husband make that sound too? That's the only way I could understand her hearing that sound and immediately thinking "ah hes jerking off". Does that mean her husband uses the same site?

Anonymous Zebra posted:

It's been ages, but yes, she originally thought masturbation sounded like that because she would hear the sounds in relation to her husband, who apparently was using cam sites frequently. The entire posts make a lot of sense if you replace the word "masturbation" with "going on camgirl sites", right down to the husband saying that there's no reason to be doing it before adulthood. The kid was going on cam sites on his phone in the bathroom and tipping them, likely because he learned about it from the husband, and the OP was incredibly sheltered and had no idea what terminology to use for what the men in her family were doing.

Anonymous Zebra posted:

It's been ages, but yes, she originally thought masturbation sounded like that because she would hear the sounds in relation to her husband, who apparently was using cam sites frequently. The entire posts make a lot of sense if you replace the word "masturbation" with "going on camgirl sites", right down to the husband saying that there's no reason to be doing it before adulthood. The kid was going on cam sites on his phone in the bathroom and tipping them, likely because he learned about it from the husband, and the OP was incredibly sheltered and had no idea what terminology to use for what the men in her family were doing.

HPanda posted:

And her assumption was that men cum quarters I guess? And she just never thought maybe that’s incorrect.

Can’t tell if this woman must have had a boring sex life or an amazing one if she continued to believe that metal shoots out of men as they climax.

A Moose posted:

jesus, that's all kinds of gross and sad. Sounds like her husband is grooming their nephew and she's so sheltered its a wonder he allowed her to post on the internet