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I will admit it does leave a bad taste when cries for help from abuse victims are censured and removed. It gets way to close too "this makes me uncomfortable so lets ignore it" that is the cause of so much pain and inequality in the world. As above posted said, sometimes the massive responses from hundreds to thousands of people is what the person stuck in that place needed to get out, and yes posts like the above have caused me to log on to my reddit acount before and joint the chorus telling the person that "No, this is not normal do not accept it!" Not everyone wants to wallow in abuse stories like you implied there.
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Nov 13, 2023 14:47
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Noir89 posted:I will admit it does leave a bad taste when cries for help from abuse victims are censured and removed. It gets way to close too "this makes me uncomfortable so lets ignore it" that is the cause of so much pain and inequality in the world. Watching people escape a cycle of abuse is therapeutic for some of us who grew up in abusive households but we should definitely just read 20 stories about some 20 year old who treats his gf like his mom and hug instead
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Nov 13, 2023 14:48
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anyone got a massive signature I can look at please
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Nov 13, 2023 14:51
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Yes, but the abuse stories are not usually posted with the uplifting replies. And I hear from people that are upset by them all the time compared to people that think they should be posted. In fact, this is the first time I've seen someone insist "99% of the stories are about abuse so why bother?" If the less horrible abuse stories had the supportive replies and positive updates included, I'd leave them in the thread. But stories that are just "How can I escape this cycle that's only gotten worse since we got married and had kids?" are just depressing, triggering, and don't usually have anything funny or amusing.
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Nov 13, 2023 14:55
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AITA: Say good morning or let them sleep?quote:Every morning my husband leaves around 6:15 for work. We have two kids: 5 and 7 years old. He wants to say goodbye to them before he leaves, the problem is, they are sleeping. If he says goodbye to them, they will wake up at 6:15. If he leaves them alone, they will sleep for another hour, and I have an extra 30-45 mins to myself to get ready for work without kids nagging me. AITA because I want 30 mins to myself in the morning to get ready at the expense of my husband not being able to wake them up and say goodbye before he leaves? He claims that he didn’t wake them up and they were up anyway when he says goodbye, but they will sleep for 30-45 mins longer if he doesn’t open their door leaves them undisturbed before he goes to work.
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Nov 13, 2023 14:56
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Pope Corky the IX posted:If the less horrible abuse stories had the supportive replies and positive updates included, I'd leave them in the thread. This is actually a great rule idea, turns a negative into a positive. That and/or using spoilers/CW.
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Nov 13, 2023 14:59
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We do insist on trigger warnings. But there are still some stories of abuse that don't have any sort of resolution or update, it just gets worse. Those will not be posted in this thread regardless. And I do agree that seeing someone escape a lovely situation can help. If you go back through this 2.5 year old thread you'll see plenty of instances where some stories that started out with terrible circumstances ended up turning out pretty okay between the replies and updates. EDIT: I apologize for initially responding to this subject hostilely. In the past when I've asked abuse stories to be edited or removed someone else takes it as a challenge to post the most hosed up poo poo they can find. I'm going to be rebooting the thread soon so at some point I'm going to be asking for input and feedback for a new OP, revised rules, etc. I welcome everyone to participate so this can continue being a thread people want to keep visiting. Pope Corky the IX fucked around with this message at 15:09 on Nov 13, 2023 |
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Nov 13, 2023 15:02
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If the IK doesn't want abuse stories they don't want abuse stories. I don't get this goon tendency of "we MUST do thing and here is a 27 point memo on why" when it literally has less than zero impact on your life overall We don't need a derail on it Also Vim cut it out with the sig poo poo
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Nov 13, 2023 15:07
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WIBTA if I told my MIL to stop moaning while she eats?quote:WIBTA if I tell my boyfriends mom to stop moaning when she eats oh gently caress i'm gonna eat
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Nov 13, 2023 15:10
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Foo Diddley posted:WIBTA if I told my MIL to stop moaning while she eats? If you're going to masticate do it quietly
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Nov 13, 2023 15:22
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Seth Pecksniff posted:If the IK doesn't want abuse stories they don't want abuse stories. I don't get this goon tendency of "we MUST do thing and here is a 27 point memo on why" when it literally has less than zero impact on your life overall AITA for setting an ultimatum with my sister over sign language? quote:ETA: Not asking for judgement on the personal medical decision MY family made for OUR daughter. She has not had an interest in an implant but if she does later on, the option is available. We wanted her to have the choice, but also to grow up in deaf culture. I am not going to defend this anymore to Internet randoms, but please consider researching deaf opinions on the matter. As a hearing person, I can only give a very limited perspective. I will not judge them for their decision, as it is indeed their decision, but they best make up their minds soon because apparently the older the kid gets the less likely it is that the implant will take, and this was posted 2 years ago. Which isn't to say that it's impossible to implant an older person, it's done all the time, but you want the brain to spend as much time as possible learning how to process the new info signal coming in. Source: Hi, me, i was implanted at the age of 5, though I was not born deaf. The sister needs to gently caress off. It's not her decision to make; heaven forbid she learn a new language to be able to talk to her niece.
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Nov 13, 2023 15:26
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I just realized newly single engagement ring dude is going to have to try and sell that poo poo back, and they're going to give him like $5k and make him make the rest of the payments anyways. I got pretty lucky engagement ring shopping, knew generally what my fiancé wanted, and because she didn't want a diamond center stone, I got a huge custom center stone of the gem she did want, with a couple lab grown accent diamonds, and it's all custom made, and way cooler and gets more comments then a massive blingy diamond thing, and it was all (relatively) super cheap. I had a lot of fun with the process too.
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Nov 13, 2023 15:27
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new jewelry is for chumps
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Nov 13, 2023 15:28
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Foo Diddley posted:WIBTA if I told my MIL to stop moaning while she eats? Moan even louder in response
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Nov 13, 2023 15:30
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Malachite_Dragon posted:AITA for setting an ultimatum with my sister over sign language? That's 100% take kids away from parents territory. edit: keeping the child intentionally disabled, because 'deaf culture', not the sister. Sisters rear end in a top hat too. Issaries fucked around with this message at 15:45 on Nov 13, 2023 |
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Nov 13, 2023 15:32
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Issaries posted:I thought we didn't post child abuse stories? What?
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Nov 13, 2023 15:37
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Issaries posted:I thought we didn't post child abuse stories? Well that's certainly a take.
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Nov 13, 2023 15:50
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Cowslips Warren posted:AITA for refusing to wear an outfit at a fashion show? Yes it is, but could have rejected it at the beginning without too much drama if he had put it respectfully in terms of not being able to give the outfit the proper showing. It is a creative industry and the designers recognize that sometimes a person just isn't meshing with a particular design. His story about the designer being apologetic at first backs that up. He might even have been OK if he had gone to the rehearsal night. Doing what he did though... dude probably just got his rear end blacklisted.
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Nov 13, 2023 15:51
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Malachite_Dragon posted:Its "how dare you tell me what I can or cannot post", rebelling against the slightest touch of moderation telling them to not be dicks to other people. Yeah that's it, thanks for chiming in and not reading any of the previous discussion  Pope Corky the IX posted:EDIT: I apologize for initially responding to this subject hostilely. I was a bit hostile too, plus you only show as a plat user to me so I just thought you were a random dude backseating and threatening me. I discovered my [36M] partner [33F] of three years has recently updated her online dating profile and I am concerned quote:I have been with my partner for nearly three years now. We live together and our relationship is good. It's incredible how many of these posts could be avoided by communicating, fortunately the top post does have some decent advice about not being accusatory off the bat
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Nov 13, 2023 15:53
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Issaries posted:I thought we didn't post child abuse stories? "if you can't speak english you're disabled" just ain't hittin for me
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Nov 13, 2023 15:54
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yeah if he'd just said no at the beginning everyone would've been cool with it, the way he did it absolutely hosed them where they had to scramble last minute, he's probably never getting called back by those organizers/designers again
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Nov 13, 2023 15:54
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Modal Auxiliary posted:Well that's certainly a take. "Ensuring that your child will forever be deprived of one of the basic senses of humanity, permanently locking them out of a huge part of the human experience and guaranteeing massive difficulties in education, employment, and everyday life is child abuse" is not that uncommon a take. That kind of implant has to be provided as a child to have any real chance of working.
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Nov 13, 2023 15:55
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That ain't a use, certainly not take kids away territory. But I will judge them and say it's a stupid decision. Our kid could have all five senses, but culturally we are more comfortable with four. Ok.
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Nov 13, 2023 15:55
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Issaries posted:I thought we didn't post child abuse stories? So the debate really comes down to, okay, do we really need medical intervention to give our kids what's going to be a shittier version of a sense they weren't born with in the first place that might even cause them discomfort, or do we just support them fully without that and provide linguistic support for the fact they're not going to speaking a verbal language? This is further complicated by the fact that a lot of people like OP's sister think of implants as a 'fix' that replaces having to put in any effort to support her niece with her disability, when someone deaf with an implant is still going to be deaf, they're still going to be disabled, they're not going to be hearing in the same way someone that's not hard of hearing is and they're still going to need support and accommodation. Source, am hearing but have been in circles to hear about this debate a lot, including from people who were given implants as a child and ended up in discomfort over them. The reality is that it's a complicated situation and someone choosing to implant their child or not implant their child isn't inherently abusive or not, you look at what other support they're giving.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:03
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Gnoman posted:"Ensuring that your child will forever be deprived of one of the basic senses of humanity, permanently locking them out of a huge part of the human experience and guaranteeing massive difficulties in education, employment, and everyday life is child abuse" is not that uncommon a take. That kind of implant has to be provided as a child to have any real chance of working. John Wick of Dogs posted:That ain't a use, certainly not take kids away territory.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:05
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quote:I believe they can also work better for people who weren't born deaf, since the brain already has some association it can build off of?
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Nov 13, 2023 16:07
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being disabled means abled folks get to weigh in on what implants you put in your body, naturally
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Nov 13, 2023 16:10
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Kurieg posted:This is an important part. These implants work best for people who have some partial hearing or weren't born deaf. For someone who was born stone deaf they might not work at all. Also sister is being intentionally obtuse about the whole "Kids can't learn more than one language" thing.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:10
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Thank you all for the forums dreams posts today. I'm stuck in jury duty and bored to tears, and that gave me something to do.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:12
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StrangersInTheNight posted:being disabled means abled folks get to weigh in on what implants you put in your body, naturally You as a adult can make decisions for yourself. a literal baby can't do that. Law and society should protect children from their parents harmful decisions too.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:12
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abled people, you COULD choose to find a dr frankenstein style scientist willing to give you 4 legs, but NO, you're just ok with two? seems LAZY to me.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:13
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Gnoman posted:That kind of implant has to be provided as a child to have any real chance of working. Apparently if you're not exposed to spoken language as a young child, your brain just completely loses the ability to learn or process it at all, that includes people with normal hearing. I'm sure as poo poo not going to weigh in on the cochlear implant thing, because a lot of deaf people have very, very strong opinions on it, that are formed by their actual experiences, and there is literally no possible way for me to fully understand it.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:14
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Issaries posted:You as a adult can make decisions for yourself. a literal baby can't do that.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:14
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Issaries posted:You as a adult can make decisions for yourself. a literal baby can't do that. i'm pretty sure mandating implants and head surgery for disabled people, which could have greater complications than you're aware of, would be the harmful decision there's no perfect solution in this instance
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Nov 13, 2023 16:15
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Plus fully deaf people aren't living 4/5th of a life just because they only experience 4 out of 5 major senses. I'm not arguing that hearing doesn't have great practical and recreational uses, and I'm not going to argue that it doesn't create a language barrier a lot of people are unwilling to cross, but as a hearing person I have enough empathy to understand someone born deaf is not going to think of that the same way I do or necessarily feel like they're experiencing a loss, and a lot of the social isolation can be helped with more understanding.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:19
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Other posts by OP re: her deaf daughter:quote:Deafness is not evil, neither is being unable to walk, and I resent the implication that it is. It’s simply a part of who she is. Her father, her aunts, her grandparents are all deaf without CIs and have lived extremely rich and fulfilling lives because deaf culture is AMAZING!! I would NEVER deny my daughter the opportunity to connect with a part of her identity. If her father were German, I wouldn’t tell her she’s not allowed to connect with the German community. That’s not fair to her. Same with the deaf community, it’s part of who she is.  That was two years ago- maybe she changed her mind since then. If there was an update by OP, I couldn't find it.For the record, I was also asked if I wanted one, so they do consistently get the consent of the kid if they're old enough to answer questions. Reddit classy as always: quote:My reproductive choices are something I SUPER did not ask for input on, but thank you for your eugenicist perspective anyways. Malachite_Dragon fucked around with this message at 16:22 on Nov 13, 2023 |
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Nov 13, 2023 16:20
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PetraCore posted:Cool, are you going to address any of my other points or? looks like they fell on deaf ears
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Nov 13, 2023 16:22
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Cowslips Warren posted:AITA for asking my dad and his new wife "why is this my problem?" when they were explaining something about my dad's new stepdaughter to me? quote:They told me it should be obvious why I was being told, because they wanted me to make an effort to be her older brother and not just a stepbrother she lived with for two years and then turned his back on her once he was out of the house I love the ones where they're so close to getting it and can see the entire shape of the problem and then just decide that it won't be a problem if they simply ignore it and plow ahead full bore. Noir89 posted:I will admit it does leave a bad taste when cries for help from abuse victims are censured and removed. It gets way to close too "this makes me uncomfortable so lets ignore it" that is the cause of so much pain and inequality in the world. There's nothing stopping people from posting highlights if the story has a happy ending, people post those ITT all the time without complaint.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:28
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PetraCore posted:Cochlear implants don't actually fully restore hearing in the way you're thinking. It's not a choice between 5 senses and 4, but between having a different sense that may or may not work in a way that's pleasant to your child or accepting where you're at and working to support from there. Yeah, I wasn't trying to take a side here (though my own relatively mild hearing loss is a severe enough problem that I have difficulty imagining not pushing to fight it). Just pointing out that the pushback isn't some insane thing from nowhere. Then again, I knew somebody who tried to get the hospital to cut her daughter's leg off to ensure the kid had the same experiences mommy had. That colors my view on things like this.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:28
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People underestimate how useful it can be to be deaf, too. When the world is being too much of a gently caress, i can just turn off or take off my cochlear implant, close my eyes, and ignore the poo poo out of the outside world until I've gotten a handle on my thoughts. It does wonders for my mental health, I really wish I could share it with the people I care about from time to time. Loud assholes working on their shitboxes while turning the volume to max and pretending they're not violating local noise ordinances? I sleep right through them. It has its uses! E: Gnoman posted:Then again, I knew somebody who tried to get the hospital to cut her daughter's leg off to ensure the kid had the same experiences mommy had. That colors my view on things like this.  That parent would be batshit insane no matter what the disability at hand was.
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Nov 13, 2023 16:28
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