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a parrot with human hands for feet that massages the captain's shoulders while perched cap pauses in the middle of speaking or pegwalking around and makes little pirate sounds arrrrr
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Nov 29, 2023 05:21
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| # ? May 24, 2024 05:58 |
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Karate Bastard posted:Drum&Bass music without RnB is Dum&rear end music. I don't know what to do with this information. I now know what to do with this information. *ahem* "Drum&Bass music without R&B is Dumass music." There. Whew. |
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Nov 29, 2023 07:27
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"Don't worry, I have a driver's license!" he shouted, reassuring absolutely nobody. |
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Nov 29, 2023 21:46
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"the room is undisturbed. the door still securely locked, the windows unbroken and securely shut and yet there is the victim, dead of a series of stab wounds, sprawled in front of their desk. do you have any idea who could have committed such a crime?" "well no detective, but I know who couldn't have committed the crime, kissinger because he's finally dead!" |
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Nov 30, 2023 06:06
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I heard the phylactery store is going to go out of business now they lost their best customer, henry kissinger |
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Nov 30, 2023 06:08
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I heard that Henry Kissinger slipped on piss and fell in a big pile of poo poo face down and drowned in piss poo poo but it took like a while because he was in such agony he couldn't get up that's the joke
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Nov 30, 2023 06:54
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a lot of people think yoko ono made the beatles break up but actually it was kissinger |
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Nov 30, 2023 07:13
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The Voice of Labor posted:a lot of people think yoko ono made the beatles break up but actually it was kissinger well, time for my usual drink to celebrate https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5FST5OvlbFc
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Nov 30, 2023 08:19
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An old woman watches the Matrix. "It was about computers I think. And then in the end they rob a bank?" |
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Nov 30, 2023 10:44
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Karate Bastard posted:"Don't worry, I have a driver's license!" he shouted, reassuring absolutely nobody. lol |
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Nov 30, 2023 11:43
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frog strutting around on his hind legs with a lil’ crown on in a lamentable attempt to look like he got lucky last night |
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Nov 30, 2023 11:46
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Just one more thing, Mr. Forrester. 'Please be brief, lieutenant. I'm quite busy.' Oh yes, yes sir I can imagine. But this won't take long. You say that you were out getting your hair cut when the murder was taking place? 'That's what I've told you a thousand times, lieutenant.' Yes you've told me a few times that's right. And ever since the first time I heard you say it, some little voice has been nagging at me. 'What do you mean?' Well see we know what time you were getting your hair cut, and where, and I can see that the barber did a stupendous job. But what I'm wondering is, what instructions did you give the stylist? '... I told him to give me the usual.' Right. But the first time you had the usual, you must have asked for something more specific. You didn't just walk into the shop for the first time and ask for the usual. That wouldn't make sense. 'I'm sure I don't remember.' Please try. Even just the very basics. 'That's exactly it. I asked for a wavy, flowing cut with much attention to the basics.' Wavy! That's the ticket! I don't know how I didn't think of it. '...' You see I've been going to the same barber for years, but my wife, she says my hair is missing something '...' And if I were to go to your barber and ask for a wavy, flowing cut with attention to the basics, how much of a tip would you recommend? '... I give 20%.' Twenty percent. That's sensible. 'Is there anything else lieutenant?' Yes. I know you killed your partner. And as soon as I'm back from the barber I aim to prove it. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 15:50 on Nov 30, 2023 |
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Nov 30, 2023 12:12
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One more thing, care of Columbo 2057: Columbo: And you were at work, you say? What is it that you do for your job? Suspect: Job? There are no more jobs anymore. W.O.R.K. is the World Organization for Re-enacting the K-Pop-Wars. A larp-ing collective. Columbo: Ahh yes yes. My apologies. When they brought me out of cryosleep they didn't fill me in on everything. Suspect: Surely they must have gone over the K-Pop Wars? Half the planet was obliterated! Columbo: Now let's pivot back to the night of the murder. You were at W.O.R.K.? Suspect: Yes. And a dozen retinal cameras and a hundred trackers on my implants can attest to this. Columbo: But you're a cyborg are you not? You could have left one of your claw-arms on the bed, ready to spring into action as soon as you were establishing an alibi. A little hologram arm could mean nothing looked amiss at the larp. Suspect: Would this not be logged? Columbo: Normally yes. You, however, used a VPN. Very clever. But, what you forgot is that it's 2057 and all VPNs are run by anarcho-capitalists who sold me the logs for 500 super-yen and subscribing to a poetry newsletter. Suspect: I'll take my punishment. And it'll be over soon enough. You, lieutenant? You'll be getting that newsletter sent to your brain until the day you die. Or get a new neuro-link. Whichever. Either will suck. Next on Columbo: Lt. Columbo travels from Mars back to Earth in order to investigate a hive mind that had one of its bodies kill another. Is it murder or suicide? Or is something even more mundane at work? Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Nov 30, 2023 |
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Nov 30, 2023 15:14
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Bright Bart posted:Just one more thing, Mr. Forrester. this is really good but it should've made reference to kissinger being dead |
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Dec 1, 2023 01:46
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Bright Bart posted:Just one more thing, Mr. Forrester. lol |
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Dec 1, 2023 02:11
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while the a.i. didn't win the battle to take over writing for netflix, it won the war of selecting what content gets green lit for netflix in the future entertainment is human made, but represents uncanny valley values and aesthetics; the most wanted sitcom with vaporwave presentation and eric andre gags. a deus ex machinima re-imagining of starship troopers where the marines have formed a truce with the bugs and taught them fascism and also it's a musical. crabs, just 40 uninterrupted minutes of crab footage chopped and looped to electro breakdance music like the video for rockit |
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Dec 1, 2023 07:11
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Getting drunk one night and waking up to find that you accidently donated your soul to wikipedia. |
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Dec 1, 2023 13:07
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an emergency vet who's on call 24/7 but always answers "this had better be important, I'm NAKED" even during the day when you show up, he's still naked, but with a stethoscope on
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Dec 1, 2023 20:19
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Presidential inauguration. "Where else but America could a man marked by death by the CIA overcome adversity to become the President..." [A red dot appears on his forehead, he ducks out of the way as a shot blasts past] "... wow, that was close one!" |
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Dec 2, 2023 13:36
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Where else but America could a TOTAL CLOWN become pres- *gets pied* |
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Dec 2, 2023 13:46
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There's a CIA goon called Truth C Rum whose always trying to abduct people. But it's always the wrong people. |
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Dec 2, 2023 19:09
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RavenousScoot posted:a parrot with human hands for feet that massages the captain's shoulders while perched There's a Blue and Gold Macaw here that makes the arrrr sound. https://i.imgur.com/9jTkSUL.mp4 |
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Dec 2, 2023 20:26
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Pirates that are experts at mathematics inventing a puzzle to hide buried treasure. |
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Dec 2, 2023 20:58
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Prurient Squid posted:Pirates that are experts at mathematics inventing a puzzle to hide buried treasure. solve for r |
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Dec 2, 2023 22:14
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A really weird gameshow where it's calculated just how far you'd have to pick up and move if your browser history became public to everyone who knows you, and it places you in the settlement nearest that distance in any direction. Then, it does so for your top three best friends who are also part of the game. After this, you guess how far away you are from each of your three compadres. The player that has the lowest mean deviation from the actual distances wins, and, you get a huuuge extra bonus prize for guessing which towns and cities you and your friends are located. It seems almost entirely up to luck. But you can gain a slight advantage by knowing what kinds of smut and embarrassing drivel add up to further or shorter distances, and what towns and cities are nearby in the range of distances your friends are likely to land given your knowledge or at least suspicions of how they might use the internet. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 23:40 on Dec 2, 2023 |
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Dec 2, 2023 23:37
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Bodies by Drowning Pool, but he just keeps counting up. One, something's got to give Two, something's got to give Three, something's got to give Four, something's got to give Five, something's got to give Six... |
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Dec 3, 2023 20:15
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Finger Prince posted:Bodies by Drowning Pool, but he just keeps counting up. guy screaming and beating his fists on the floor: WHY? WHY WONT IT GIVE
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Dec 3, 2023 20:34
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Boba Fett. Meet Boba Fat. |
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Dec 4, 2023 13:25
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Karate Bastard posted:Where else but America could a TOTAL CLOWN become pres- *gets pied* Mr. President, are you the scary clown that eats people? You promised you'd tell us if we elected you. |
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Dec 4, 2023 16:55
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After corporate restructuring, proudly working-class warehouse manager Doug is sent by his company to handle distribution of newly legalized weed in the tiny town of Kief, North Dakota. His longsuffering wife Carrie couldn't be more thrilled for the change of pace! But is our hero, who lives for the football game, collecting rifles, and having a beer or two after a long day ready for a place where the sport is hiking, the firearms get a lot of use, and there is no bar or alcohol sold within city limits? More importantly, can Doug pass on his culture to his young son Eddie, or will Doug be the last... Chief of Kief Mondays at 8:00 PM MST on CBS |
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Dec 4, 2023 20:02
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A simple one that comes from one of the parts delivery people. What's another name for false teeth? Substitooth
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Dec 5, 2023 20:38
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in the penthouse apartment "I tell you, from up here the people look just like ants!" "sir, you're looking at the in-wall ant farm again, the window is a few feet to your left" "oh huh wow you're right, from up here the people look like very very small people, not so much like ants" |
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Dec 7, 2023 01:04
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"Slugma, I choose you!" "heh Slugma balls..." "If you insist. Slugma, return! Hitmonchan, I choose you!"  "no wait!" |
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Dec 7, 2023 02:19
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Turns out that Shakespeare wrote all the lines in his plays to be accompanied by the music he heard in his dreams but wasn't technically feasible to reproduce at the time. The romances were written to go with Norwegian death metal. The tragedies with Talking Heads-style 80s synth pop. The history plays with EDM. |
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Dec 7, 2023 02:34
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Bright Bart posted:Turns out that Shakespeare wrote all the lines in his plays to be accompanied by the music he heard in his dreams but wasn't technically feasible to reproduce at the time. The comedies were synth pop. The tragedies are early 00s emo. |
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Dec 7, 2023 02:44
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The Voice of Labor posted:in the penthouse apartment an antfarm that doubles as the window so the perspective makes it look like giant ants running rampant through town except every day they have to put new ants in because the sun keeps burning them
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Dec 7, 2023 03:31
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Finger Prince posted:The comedies were synth pop. The tragedies are early 00s emo. both were m83 |
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Dec 7, 2023 03:34
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Shakespeare racking his brain trying to work burrrrrr-rack-a-tase apa ahe sedianda on ta party eh de; twist, twist into proper meter. |
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Dec 7, 2023 07:28
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Imagine not being able to deny ever having been to Baltimore |
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Dec 7, 2023 07:41
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This one isn't even really a joke. But if asked for one of my main shortcomings in a job interview, I could honestly reply by telling the interviewer about how I find women telling obnoxious people (of any sex or gender) to 'suck my dick' so adorable that I'll chuckle for at least five minutes straight and won't be very productive during this time. |
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Dec 7, 2023 21:55
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