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Pirate Radar
Apr 18, 2008

You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Not-My-Kids Kincaid is an outlier and should never have been included in the survey

A guy who lives in a cave raising 10,000 children that aren’t his shouldn’t be studied, he should have the police called, or at least, a sizable delivery of bandaids and Lunchables.

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Kitfox88
Aug 21, 2007

Anybody lose their glasses?

FMguru posted:

i’ve always had kind of a crass sense of humor, it’s never really been a problem but i’m the irreverent comedian in our friend group.

yta and people tolerate not enjoy you

Cowslips Warren
Oct 29, 2005

What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?

Grimey Drawer
AITA for comparing women to supply and demand?

quote:

I (18M) have this friend (18M) who is talking to this girl. We both just finished our first semester in college. Basically he is talking to this girl who is very attractive and he keeps telling me how she takes hours to respond to him, and sometimes even leaves him on read.

Supposedly, this girl was very overweight up until senior of high school. During senior year, she lost a lot of weight and was going to the gym. She essentially looked like a completely different person, and even joined the “popular” clique.

My response to him was using an analogy of supply and demand. I told him “when she was overweight, there probably weren’t many people attracted to her and so she probably talked to anyone. Now she’s attractive so she can get away with leaving people on read and being dry. Essentially her demand is high so she can be stingy with the attention, but when she was overweight no one wanted her.” I also compared it to an iPhone being overpriced but people still buy it anyway. That was the summary of the convo.

I guess he found it hilarious and told a few people. The problem arose when the word spread, and one of her sorority friends heard this. She is furious. That friend is now supposedly going to “confront” me, and is threatening to tell the girl who my friend is talking to, about what I said. He isn’t upset at me or anyone, but is surprised that this wasn’t taken lightly. Both of us thought given the context, the statement was fitting. He is worried though that the girl will stop talking to him.

I should clarify that I only told this to him, and he decided to tell a few people. I guess it was unexpected that this would spread.

EDIT: Both guys and girls have heard about this. Most of the guys found it funny. Some of the girls also agreed, but a few understood why her friend is upset.

Edit 2: Supposedly when she was overweight she was a nice person, funny, and easy to get along with. She would also never leave people on read. But after she changed, supposedly she became very rude and unapologetic. Nothing wrong with losing weight and getting fit, but she essentially adopted the personality of the popular clique. It’s too much to type here about how she exactly changed, but basically had no regard for people.

What, women are things, right?






AITA for “Checking Out” of Christmas Cooking?

quote:

AITA for telling my husband he is on his own with the Christmas cooking?

Background: My husband’s family lives 6 hrs away so we do not visit for Christmas. We go there for Thanksgiving. My family is only my Mom & Brother. My grandpa is 91 and prefers to be alone because my grandma passed on Christmas Day a few years ago. So, we literally have 2 extra people over. We have 2 boys also.

Tonight I was asking my husband if we had everything for Christmas Eve dinner and going over what we had. We have a ham, mashed potatoes, baked beans, rolls, desserts. I also have various breads and condiments if someone wants to make a sandwich. I like to stay low key with the food and not do a big sit down meal.

My husband tells me that mashed potatoes are not a Christmas food and his family always does potato salad. I was like, “Okay, I decided on mashed potatoes this year to make it easier.”

He also bring up that we never have appetizers at holidays. I told him that we have 2 people over and it’s kind of a waste to make them for a total of 6 people. Here is where I got heated. He mentioned how his ex’s family always has a ton of appetizers. I said, “Good for them!”

I needed to make ONE final grocery run tonight because he was using the good bread to make lunch meat sandwiches already (another story) so we needed more for Christmas.

I went to the store and got the bread plus all the ingredients for the appetizers he mentioned and potato salad. I put them away and calmly told him I have checked out for Christmas. If he wants appetizers or sides he can make them. My family is fine with Honeybaked Ham sandwiches and chips.

His response was “Why don’t they ever f-ing host?” My brother is single and lives in a 1 BR appt and my mom is 70 with rheumatoid arthritis. She hasn’t been able to chop vegetables or lift a ham or turkey out of the oven in years!

Sex Farm
Nov 17, 2017

Vim Fuego posted:

Untreated ADHD

Possible weaponized incompetence as well

The Lone Badger
Sep 24, 2007

Pirate Radar posted:

A guy who lives in a cave raising 10,000 children that aren’t his shouldn’t be studied, he should have the police called, or at least, a sizable delivery of bandaids and Lunchables.

The children are baby spiders.

Benagain
Oct 10, 2007

Can you see that I am serious?
Fun Shoe

Pirate Radar posted:

A guy who lives in a cave raising 10,000 children that aren’t his shouldn’t be studied, he should have the police called, or at least, a sizable delivery of bandaids and Lunchables.

I mean in a way we're all the Emperor's children.

Fatty
Sep 13, 2004
Not really fat

Benagain posted:

I mean in a way we're all the Emperor's children.

Speak for yourself, pervert.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my wife to stop burning my meals?

being reminded of when my 8yo niece spent a weekend at her grandparents' and ended up calling her parents panicking because grandma was out somewhere and grandpa wanted to know what she was gonna make for dinner

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Dec 22, 2023

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Foo Diddley posted:

AITA? My older sister is refusing to come to Christmas dinner because of our grandpa's inappropriate behavior.

it was ONE sexual joke, come ON, it wasn't that bad

i mean of course it wasnt that bad it was directed at sister, not at op

Halloween Jack
Sep 12, 2003
I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

Vim Fuego posted:

Untreated ADHD
If only there was some sort of electronic device in my kitchen with a built-in stopwatch! Or in my pocket, even!

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my wife to stop burning my meals?

wife should learn how to use a timer or something but he sounds like a huge rear end in a top hat

PancakeTransmission
May 27, 2007

You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...


Plaster Town Cop

Halloween Jack posted:

If only there was some sort of electronic device in my kitchen with a built-in stopwatch! Or in my pocket, even!
The problem with fully untreated and undiagnosed ADHD (even self-diagnosing) is that these people don't think that what they are doing is wrong or abnormal.

Doesn't everyone just wing it and hope they don't forget they left oil burning in a frypan???

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat
all you need to manage your ADHD is a partner who cares about you enough to set you up to fail and then scream at you until you cry

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 12, 2012

This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.


Teaching somebody to turn the oven off and on does not help them learn to cook steak. That isn't the tricky part. The tricky part is judging the temperature it's cooking at, and when to take it off so that you're accounting for its continuing to cook after it's off the grill.

Did OP bother to teach his wife that? No.

He's not going to cook because he gets home after 8 (on a Saturday!), he doesn't like her cooking, time to pay for reheatable food to be brought in.

The Maroon Hawk
May 10, 2008

PancakeTransmission posted:

The problem with fully untreated and undiagnosed ADHD (even self-diagnosing) is that these people don't think that what they are doing is wrong or abnormal.

Doesn't everyone just wing it and hope they don't forget they left oil burning in a frypan???

I'm self-diagnosed mildish ADHD and I can absolutely tell that something is wrong, as my extensive list of alarms and reminders on my phone will attest

PancakeTransmission
May 27, 2007

You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...


Plaster Town Cop

The Maroon Hawk posted:

I'm self-diagnosed mildish ADHD and I can absolutely tell that something is wrong, as my extensive list of alarms and reminders on my phone will attest

Yeah same, that's my point - I know I have issues with keeping track of time and tasks so I write lists and set alarms. I always aim to leave early to factor in my "oh before I leave I forgot I have to take the trash out, put the dishwasher on" etc.

Pirate Radar
Apr 18, 2008

You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

Benagain posted:

I mean in a way we're all the Emperor's children.

No, the 10,000 kids living in his cave who he raised to be impossibly stoic nine-foot warrior poets are all definitely his. You can tell because they never explain what they’re doing, they’re just like “trust me” and want you to go along with some convoluted plan involving that language that lets you talk reality into changing.

limp_cheese
Sep 10, 2007


Nothing to see here. Move along.

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my wife to stop burning my meals?

I know people do weird poo poo when something terrible things happens but I laughed at him being more concerned with the steaks being ruined over his house almost catching on fire.

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat
i wonder who put the grill right next to the house like that

PancakeTransmission
May 27, 2007

You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...


Plaster Town Cop

Foo Diddley posted:

i wonder who put the grill right next to the house like that
Grover's revenge

Troublemaker
Mar 12, 2007

Space Kablooey posted:

wife should learn how to use a timer or something but he sounds like a huge rear end in a top hat

"I'm tired of her antics!" :fuckoff:

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

If dude wants fancy steaks cooked how he wants them cooked, he can do it himself.

"But I work" Yeah and so does every other guy who makes grilling meat their entire personality.

PancakeTransmission
May 27, 2007

You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...


Plaster Town Cop

SulfurMonoxideCute posted:

If dude wants fancy steaks cooked how he wants them cooked, he can do it himself.

"But I work" Yeah and so does every other guy who makes grilling meat their entire personality.

I thought the point of BBQ Guys is that they could stand there at the grill/smoker all day and avoid helping with any other task?

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 12, 2012

This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.


He didn't mention children. When my husband and I were young DINKs, we just had supper at eight. There's no law saying supper has to be eaten as soon as you get home.

Babies' schedules changed that, of course.

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

PancakeTransmission posted:

I thought the point of BBQ Guys is that they could stand there at the grill/smoker all day and avoid helping with any other task?

Yeah but you have to also do the quick grills to hide that fact, it's too obvious otherwise.

Foo Diddley
Oct 29, 2011

cat
AITAH for not offering to pay for my husband and his kids leading him to spend all his savings?

quote:

For a while now my husband, John, has been getting more and more angry over little things and generally moody and distant. I had finally had enough and approached him about separation.

This conversation led to a big blow out and him revealing the state of his finances. My husband and I have always kept our finances separate. Also although we call each other husband and wife and had a wedding we are not actually legally married. This was primarily for inheritance purposes because we each have older children from previous relationships.

Anyway John revealed that he had basically no savings left. That all the money he had saved for retirement and for his kids schooling was gone. Furthermore he said it was all my fault since he used all his savings up to try and keep up with my lifestyle.

There was never anything crazy in terms of bills or anything like that and we always split it all equally. The house we live in I own outright as well, so there wasn’t a mortgage payment.

However I have always liked to travel a lot on fairly extravagant vacations. I would invite John or John and his children to join on trips, but never made them feel like they had to come. That’s said he was expected to pay for himself and for his kids. Except for recently he accepted every invitation.

I would also give my kids things he considered “extravagant”, but I considered “normal”. So he felt like he had to give similar things to his own kids.

John said with all the spending to keep up his savings dwindled very fast. I expressed that I couldn’t understand how or why he would spend all he had when he knew he couldn’t afford it. He said it was like keeping up with the Joneses only worse because it was at home so he couldn’t block it out. John thinks since I knew his job I should have had a basic understanding of his finances and realizes this wasn’t a lifestyle he could maintain. That the kind thing would have been to offer to pay for the trips and other things instead of dangle them in front of his and his kids faces.

Looking back I probably could have realized that this spending didn’t make sense for his salary, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I don’t think it was my responsibility to keep his finances in mind here. We had agreed from the beginning to keep our finances separate so to me that means paying for things separately.

Edit. We do not live in a state with common law marriage

telling your wife "it's your fault i pissed all my money away" is a hell of a retirement plan, i gotta say

Troublemaker
Mar 12, 2007

What a weird relationship dynamic, though. They don't plan vacations as a couple or as a family, deciding where to go and what they can afford? She just says, hey, I'm spending a few weeks on the French Riviera and he sighs and goes back to the ol' rapidly dwindling bank account so he can go along? Communicate, people, ffs.

DeeplyConcerned
Apr 29, 2008

I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

SulfurMonoxideCute posted:

If dude wants fancy steaks cooked how he wants them cooked, he can do it himself.

"But I work" Yeah and so does every other guy who makes grilling meat their entire personality.

Yeah, it takes all of five minutes.

Runcible Cat
May 28, 2007

Ignoring this post

Troublemaker posted:

What a weird relationship dynamic, though. They don't plan vacations as a couple or as a family, deciding where to go and what they can afford? She just says, hey, I'm spending a few weeks on the French Riviera and he sighs and goes back to the ol' rapidly dwindling bank account so he can go along? Communicate, people, ffs.

And what's with the we haven't legally married because kids' inheritance thing? They couldn't get married then make wills leaving their own stuff to their own kids?

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

Cowslips Warren posted:


AITA for Not Allowing My Brother to Host His Book Club at My House?

Missing info: why did she inherit a large house where she gets to live alone (or possibly not as she calls it "our" home) when bro has to live in a small apartment?

Hughlander
May 11, 2005

Runcible Cat posted:

And what's with the we haven't legally married because kids' inheritance thing? They couldn't get married then make wills leaving their own stuff to their own kids?

Look up 'Elective Share'

AITA for asking my sister's bigot father in law to not come to our family xmas dinner?

quote:

My sister's (30F) father in law ( 50M) is a sad homophobic man.

I found out through my brother in law (30M), that FIL is not comfortable with having my wife ( 25F) and I (24F) over for new years dinner ( because gay). My parents support this, saying his house his rules. Which I get....

But, now he wants to come to our close family xmas dinner and frankly I just don't feel comfortable being around him. I also don't trust that he will behave himself because I feel like he's gotten worse over the years, saying things like " the gays are ruining america".

I confronted my parents with how I felt and they said he's not homophobic. Which is just not true, everyone in the family knows and has acknowledged that before. I asked my mom if he could not come to our dinner and she said no.

I don't want to tell my parents what to do, it is their house. I don't really know what my options are ....except I guess sadly not coming home for Xmas anymore. And now I feel like the rear end in a top hat for asking.

Top Post:

quote:

It's kind of infuriating and sad that your parents don't have your back, but this does free you up to take off the gloves without compunction.

I think you should go, and I think you should talk about gay issues endless and be wildly affectionate with one another. In his face. Share this global history of marriage equality. Talk about the Supreme Court and gay rights. Discuss gay celebrities, gay statesmen, gay authors, gay artists. Give that man an education. In between kisses.

If sad homophobic relative says something offensive, you reply, "That's incredibly homophobic and offensive. You know we're gay. You owe us an apology." And don't back down. He says gays run America, you tell him that if gays ran America he wouldn't have been invited to Christmas dinner. He uses a slur, you ask your parents if they allow homophobic slurs to be uttered at their dinner table, and if so, why. He says it was a joke, you say it wasn't.

Be relentless.

Why should you be the ones made uncomfortable with the situation of your parents inviting a homophobic man who's not even part of the immediate family to a dinner where they know his behavior will be offensive to their daughter?

Let him have it. With any luck you'll make him so uncomfortable you won't be seeing him at family events any time soon.

Own him.

OP:

quote:

A lot of comments are rightfully saying I should do my own thing, but I'm not ready for that and unable to do that this year.

I like your idea ( for this year). I'm gonna go. I'm gonna speak my mind. And I'm if he says anything, I'm going to have my phone record it so I can use it as evidence for next year. If he says some poo poo, I will just replay it for my family and say I will not be going to functions anymore.

So basically this guy's got one last chance or I'm out.

Looks like I'll be :f5:ing through Monday!

Fatty
Sep 13, 2004
Not really fat

Hughlander posted:

Looks like I'll be :f5:ing through Monday!

"gently caress off! I have to see if a bigot gets owned."
Head buried in my phone, as my small niece offers me a cracker.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

Foo Diddley posted:

i wonder who put the grill right next to the house like that

I thought the same thing, and he would have mentioned it if she did it so he’s obviously also pissed off at himself despite the “This is ALL on you”

Shanghaied
Oct 12, 2004

BIG PAD

FMguru posted:

I posted this one some months back:

AITA for just trying to make a joke or is my friend overreacting?

Despite dozens of requests from commenters, OP pointedly refused to post the joke. OP ended up deleting all his crap, but not before taking his sob story to other forums ("ILPT Request: my bum rear end friend (ex friend) sent screenshots of me cheating on my gf to her + my boss, how can i make it seem that they’re fake?" and "[TX] someone i know sent out-of-context photos to my work and my girlfriend, what are my options?")

People who tell you that they're funny very rarely are, in my experience. And the ones who explicitly tell you that "I've a dark/sarcastic/crass sense of humour" or "I'm a smart-rear end" are the same people whose jokes most often consist of a series of slurs and a wink.

People can definitely have a dark or sarcastic or sardonic sense of humour, but those who genuinely do rarely bring it up (when was the last time you talked to someone about your sense of humour?). The bigots bring it up because they want to give themselves an out if they get pushback for their bigotry.

The Maroon Hawk
May 10, 2008

I’m an extremely funny person. All of my friends are just out of frame, laughing at my jokes

Shanghaied
Oct 12, 2004

BIG PAD

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for Not Allowing My Brother to Host His Book Club at My House?

I don't know why, but the OP's use of "private retreat," "sanctuary," and "peaceful environment" to describe the house is giving me weird vibes. I mean a home could be all those things, I guess, but it just sounds really contrived.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

hi how are you

The Maroon Hawk posted:

I’m an extremely funny person. All of my friends hate me

Cowslips Warren
Oct 29, 2005

What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?

Grimey Drawer

Shanghaied posted:

I don't know why, but the OP's use of "private retreat," "sanctuary," and "peaceful environment" to describe the house is giving me weird vibes. I mean a home could be all those things, I guess, but it just sounds really contrived.

to be fair, he never said what the book club was actually reading. Maybe it's something like Fight Club or Mein Kampf.


AITA For kicking my sister out for Thanksgiving dinner when she announced my pregnancy without my permission?

quote:

With my family, we have a tradition. When me and my siblings grow old enough and get our own houses, we decide who will do Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I have 2 other younger siblings. The middle child, Jack, and the youngest, Amy. This year, I was chosen and very excited because I was pregnant! Only Amy knew because I told her. I warned Amy not to tell our family members and she promised not to tell.


Later on Thanksgiving day my house decorated head to toe. Me and my husband spent a lot of time on it. Family members started coming and my plan was for me to announce my pregnancy when we were eating dinner. None of my siblings were married yet since I was the oldest. When Amy came through the door I whispered into her ear. Amy swore that she told no one. I knew I was thankful that Amy didn't tell anyone yet.


Our family talked for a while about internet and then we sat down to eat. We prayed and said our grace before we ate. I thought about announcing my pregnancy in the middle of eating. Suddenly, Amy stood up. All eyes were on her. "MyName is pregnant!" Everyone in the room looked at me and started cheering. But before they could celebrate, I had to step in.


I shouted at Amy, I wanted to tell our family myself. Amy ruined a special moment for me. It was a one time chance. Amy said it was an accident and she was sorry. I didn't listen to her and I kicked her out. My mom was honestly making it harder for me. "Seriously it isn't a big deal, you can do this again!" My mom said. My dad was trying to stop me from kicking Amy out. "This is a family dinner, Amy is sorry.!" Dad said. After Amy was out the door, everyone stayed quiet. Sam was on his phone the whole time and mom was talking to dad.


Amy is still trying to reach out to me. She is so regretful and I haven't responded. AITH?

Cowslips Warren
Oct 29, 2005

What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?

Grimey Drawer
AITA for making my nephew apologize immediately in front of his friends

quote:

I (33m) am staying at my grandparents’ house for the holidays. My grandparents passed away and the house was maintained by their children, making it into communal space for all family members to use. The rooms are usually saved for those who visit from out of town like me.

I have a cousin Frank (34m) who also visited but stayed elsewhere. We were close growing up. Frank was married to his high school sweetheart Kim for >10 years with a 6 years old daughter. Kim passed in an accident just a little over a year ago. Frank was more than devastated.

What set Frank apart from most guys I know was how deeply he loved his wife. He was an exceptionally happily married man.
His good bye phrase to me private or in public was “See ya miserable single loser later!” He was making fun of how I never had a long time girlfriend. I always took it in good fun; it was nice to see a guy so devoted given that my parents and more than half my aunts and uncles divorced.

A few days after I stayed at my grandparents’ my nephew Tom (17m) showed up with a few friends wanting to watch a movie. Tom lives with my sister nearby. I ordered the boys some pizza and joined them. A bit later, Frank dropped by, wanting to catch up with me. We stayed in the same room and talked. Frank seemed to be doing much better since the last time I saw him a month after Kim’s funeral.

Once the movie was finished, Tom asked if they could hang out in the room for a while and I said yes. Frank, however, excused himself, saying he needed to pick up his daughter. We hugged good bye and Frank was about to leave when Tom said “What? None of that miserable single loser stuff? Welcome to the club. Guess now you’re a miserable single loser, too.”

I could see the colors drained from Frank’s face and he looked like he was going to pass out. I immediately turned to Tom and told him to apologize and now. Tom said why should he apologize and I only raised my voice with “Now!”

Tom glared at me but finally looked away and softly said sorry to Frank. Frank just left. Tom’s friends mumbled about how they had to go and quickly cleaned up and left, Tom leaving with them.

Later that night Tom’s father called me from across the country, reprimanding me that I should not shame Tom in front of his friends like that. He said he understood that what Tom said was insensitive but being scolded like a child in front of his friends was not how I should handle this. I could wait and have Tom apologize later.

AITA?

bolding mine.

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Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?
Don’t scold my child when he’s acting childish and saying childish things in front of his fellow children friends.

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