(Thread IKs:
OwlFancier)
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Congratulations on this recent turn of events, fuct. It's put a genuine smile on my face at the end of a lovely day ; I am delighted for you!
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Jan 9, 2024 21:46
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| # ? May 27, 2024 16:15 |
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I can't quite put this into words but it's also odd to tell people suffering from mental health problems that they shouldn't take it out on others. E: not so much that it shouldn't happen, but that the responsibility is on the person with issues to rein themselves in. I mean one of the defining things about mental health problems is not being able to control your own mind; and at least with anxiety, stress overpouring into fight / flight reflex where people are not going to be making rational choices. You can't think your way out of poor mental health, because you're using the thing that's malfunctioning to think. Like telling someone with a broken car to just drive to the garage to get it fixed when they're sat there worrying it's going to explode or break down halfway.
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Jan 9, 2024 21:48
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Advice is usually given for the satisfaction of the advisor rather than the recipient.
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Jan 9, 2024 21:50
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sorry Sanford, you've been volunteered to carry this guy forever
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Jan 9, 2024 21:56
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WhatEvil posted:Yeah fair enough on most of that but I guess I can't really reconcile you saying "Like it or not we're all down here in the gutter with our broken brains and bodies trying to get by" with the "just stop being a prick and get a different job" stuff from your post I quoted, which is mainly what I'm objecting to. Yeah I can see how it would be hard to reconcile something I did say with something I didn't say  . Maybe I could go back and explain myself further but honestly I reread my last couple posts and it doesn't seem particularly worthwhile.
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Jan 9, 2024 22:01
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Sometimes that advice isn’t given for the purpose of helping - it’s given to admonish in a socially acceptable way. And if you’re using mental health as an excuse to be prick, you deserve admonishing. ‘Sorry I’ve got anxiety/other MH issues’ isn’t a blanket reason for everyone around you to tolerate your bullshit all the time. Sure, most good people will cut some extra slack and be sensitive of what you’ve got going on but they’re also within their rights to tell you to get hosed after a certain point. Sanford making one slightly snarky remark to someone who’d made their life way harder for ages and is also clearly a prick (an anxious prick, sure, but a prick nonetheless) is fair enough.
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Jan 9, 2024 22:01
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Solefald posted:This thread sure is cool and good. Nobody's keeping you here at gunpoint mate
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Jan 9, 2024 22:31
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Miftan posted:Nobody's keeping you here at gunpoint mate Yeah wtf was that lol, were they doubting the story or saying it was actually awesome that this person could finally be their true self, a loving obnoxious dickhead?
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Jan 9, 2024 22:35
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I suppose its about reading the thread and deciding what anecdote you think might be the most pertinent to post about. Like oh people are talking about anxiety and autism and how we each deal with each other and try to find ways to make allowances and well heres my story about what a prick I think this person was and how actually their diagnosis was obvious bullshit cos it just enabled them to act in such a way. It sounds like reading the loving daily mail comments or something. I'm really confused by the overall tone of posting in here in the past few days.
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Jan 9, 2024 22:49
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This thread needs lightening up. Instead of that, here's a traditional folk song about loving up scabs, on Depeche Mode guy's new ambient album which I am incredibly obsessed with rn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KR2qcgOjHk
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Jan 9, 2024 22:49
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NotJustANumber99 posted:I suppose its about reading the thread and deciding what anecdote you think might be the most pertinent to post about. The anecdote was fine and not anti mental health or autism in any way, stop being a tool.
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Jan 9, 2024 22:52
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Miftan posted:The anecdote was fine and not anti mental health or autism in any way, stop being a tool. No, it wasn't. It was feeding in to everything that makes people shy away from finding help, because its playing the mental health card. But I'm talking about more than one post.
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Jan 9, 2024 22:55
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NotJustANumber99 posted:I suppose its about reading the thread and deciding what anecdote you think might be the most pertinent to post about. Thank you, I appreciate this. It's attitudes like that which make it very hard to be open about being autistic especially when you're newly learning how to unmask.
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Jan 9, 2024 22:59
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Jakabite posted:Sometimes that advice isn’t given for the purpose of helping - it’s given to admonish in a socially acceptable way. And if you’re using mental health as an excuse to be prick, you deserve admonishing. what exactly makes you say they’re clearly a prick?
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Jan 9, 2024 23:33
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If your unmasking means become a loving tool to everyone around you then please keep the mask on I think the community nature of the thread means that you’re inevitably going to get people airing personal gripes, some of which are going to seem counter to their personal beliefs. For example, I live in a pretty rough area of Manchester and had my car broken into the other night. Now, did my griping at the pub to my mates about the loving bagheads who go round robbing people’s stuff reflect what I actually feel about people who steal to fund addiction? No, I have friends who’ve done similar and am very sympathetic their plight and the hosed up world that’s put them down that path. But in the comfort of friends and needing to vent I said some rather unkind things about drug addicted people who steal from others to fund their addictions - I suspect that’s what’s causing some dissonance in the thread. Dealing with people who, while having legitimate problems and reasons for why they act how they do, nonetheless use those problems to excuse their behaviour and make no apparent attempt to change is very frustrating and I think it’s okay to vent about that. Some people do just use their issues to excuse any and all dickhead behaviour and they should be called out for it, too. E: ^^ running to the boss to try and get someone in trouble who’s MASSIVELY MASSIVELY covered for you many, many times is a prick move and is not excused by anxiety. He’s got anxiety, not a brain tumour causing him to suddenly not recognise cause and effect on others. E2: thinking on this more I find some of the attitudes to MH here pretty infantilising actually Jakabite fucked around with this message at 23:46 on Jan 9, 2024 |
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Jan 9, 2024 23:38
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Jakabite posted:If your unmasking means become a loving tool to everyone around you then please keep the mask on
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Jan 9, 2024 23:47
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Charming.
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Jan 9, 2024 23:48
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Jakabite posted:If your unmasking means become a loving tool to everyone around you then please keep the mask on 
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Jan 9, 2024 23:50
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you need a loving mask mate or better still just take your face for a shite
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Jan 9, 2024 23:50
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If it was my anecdote that has caused upset, I'm sorry if I caused offence. In no way was I saying the diagnosis wasn't real. I am just questioning why that particular person who had got to her late 40s without being rude to all and sundry suddenly felt that she had to be. Sorry again. Anyway, am now informing myself better on "Autism and Masking" https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-masking Jaeluni Asjil fucked around with this message at 23:55 on Jan 9, 2024 |
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Jan 9, 2024 23:52
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MH struggles or no, if you want a job where you barely ever show up and have no remorse for the effect of your actions, maybe run for office.
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Jan 9, 2024 23:53
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Bobby Deluxe posted:Might wanna do some reading and consider deleting this once you know a bit more about what masking is and how autistic people use that word. In the very brief bit of reading I did just now I didn’t find ‘not being a oval office to everyone around you’ as an example of masking, but I admit I’d never heard the term and may be missing something. Nevertheless I’ll apologise to any goons hurt by that, it was a flippant comment without much thought given to it.
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Jan 9, 2024 23:55
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how out of character
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Jan 10, 2024 00:03
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CORN'T GET ON WIV PEOPLE gently caress OFF AN DIE CORMMEN SENS SIMPLE AS M8
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Jan 10, 2024 00:05
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It's Sanford's fault, he started all this with his work anecdote. This is all on you, Sanford!
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Jan 10, 2024 00:08
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Jaeluni Asjil posted:If it was my anecdote that has caused upset, I'm sorry if I caused offence. In no way was I saying the diagnosis wasn't real. I am just questioning why that particular person who had got to her late 40s without being rude to all and sundry suddenly felt that she had to be. Sorry again. Yeah it did partly read like that but also there's a lot to unpack when it comes to autism and especially a diagnosis so late in life. No one should be subjected to poo poo behaviour from people regardless of their disabilities, neurodivergency or illnesses and I'm sorry that you're dealing with a stressful situation with this character change. I brought up masking because there is a possibility that this has been something your colleague has been doing all their life, often without knowing and often to the detriment of their own health and wellbeing. Unmasking can be a messy process and it may result in boundaries being pushed while a person is learning, this can be from something as "mild" as no longer making eye contact to yeah, outright lovely attitudes and behaviour. I'm not trying to make an excuse for her and you have every right to not be okay with her. I think the language and posting on a public forum just didn't sit right with me. I appreciate you responding and I'm sorry for being flippant in my response. It just felt way too close to home and I'll be honest it hurt a little bit. I've been on the receiving end of it a lot and it loving sucks lol I do hope the situation gets better for you and for your colleague. E: also sorry if that's an incoherent mess. I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts sometimes. Thanks 
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Jan 10, 2024 00:11
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For real, snitching to the boss is loving lovely behaviour. I get that when you've an anxiety disorder going to confront someone with "i didn't appreciate that joke at my expense" isn't necessarily easy, but you either psych yourself up to do it or you just shut up and forget it. And I say that as someone with a history of quite crippling social anxiety at times. Saying get over it isn't helpful but at the same time other people can't possibly be expected to coddle you. In my 20s I moved in with a friend, first time living out of the parents house. I was a nightmare, not intentionally but just because with depression I got so wrapped up in my own poo poo and wasn't thinking of anyone else. And I probably needed someone to be honest with me that I was being a selfish poo poo and unintentionally was putting pressure on others. The depression might have been the reason but it was no justification is what I'm saying.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:13
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Broke: leftist circular firing squad Woke: mental health circular firing squad Bespoke: making an "ironic" joke about the tendency for marginalised groups to suffer from intersectional considerations in discourse that affects their person circumstances
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Jan 10, 2024 00:19
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Tesseraction posted:Broke: leftist circular firing squad Oh you 
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Jan 10, 2024 00:21
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Jan 10, 2024 00:23
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forkboy84 posted:For real, snitching to the boss is loving lovely behaviour. I get that when you've an anxiety disorder going to confront someone with "i didn't appreciate that joke at my expense" isn't necessarily easy, but you either psych yourself up to do it or you just shut up and forget it. And I say that as someone with a history of quite crippling social anxiety at times. Similar experience during the great 2020 year of ‘one hideous experience every three months’ leading to ptsd, anxiety and depression for yours truly. I spent most of the time drinking heavily and being a prick to those around me, and trying to fight someone in the street or hurl myself from a bridge every now and then. The correct response to being abused by me would not have been ‘don’t worry about it your trauma makes this okay’. In fact if once I’d come out of it I’d have realised everyone had excused my behaviour with MH I’d have been some combination of bemused and pissed off.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:25
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Jaeluni Asjil posted:If it was my anecdote that has caused upset, I'm sorry if I caused offence. Essentially spending most of your life repressing core aspects of yourself so that other people are comfortable is a hell of a thing to unlearn, and is a process that can from the outside look like it's getting worse before it gets better. People are just letting out some very Piers Morgan sounding* opinions about mental health and toughening up right now that belie a fundamental misunderstanding of how depression and anxiety can interact with clarity and expression of thought when imagining the colleague's motivation. * Do not google.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:26
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I googled piers morgan sounding and experienced something no human should have to experience
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Jan 10, 2024 00:28
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there's actual video of that oval office speaking
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Jan 10, 2024 00:28
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On the plus I now know where Steve Bell gets a lot of his inspiration. E: again genuinely sorry for the masking thing, I’ve learned something here. E2: my dog’s alright now, looks like it was just a bad infection 
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Jan 10, 2024 00:29
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being autistic has never let me off for being a stupid rear end in a top hat in here
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Jan 10, 2024 00:31
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Glad to hear it Jakabite, give her a gentle hug from me.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:32
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Tesseraction posted:I googled piers morgan sounding and experienced something no human should have to experience Surely he sticks something in his knob everytime he eats.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:32
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Azza Bamboo posted:Surely he sticks something in his knob everytime he eats. A wotsit here, a wotsit there
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Jan 10, 2024 00:35
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| # ? May 27, 2024 16:15 |
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Jaeluni Asjil posted:If it was my anecdote that has caused upset, I'm sorry if I caused offence. In no way was I saying the diagnosis wasn't real. I am just questioning why that particular person who had got to her late 40s without being rude to all and sundry suddenly felt that she had to be. Sorry again. I wasn't offended, but if it helps shine any light, I did empathise with your acquaintance a bit when I read your post. Finding out that I was autistic as an adult (for me, at least) felt like a lot of different pieces falling together all at once; it was the first clear explanation I'd had beyond 'there's something wrong with me' as to why I'd always found it so exhausting and frightening trying keeping up basic social behaviours that seemed to come so easily to others - feigning interest or an emotional response that I didn't really feel, constantly arranging my face into the right reactions to other people's conversation to appear 'normal', constantly checking and reviewing my words before I spoke. Which is what I understand is meant by masking - not just social performance, but the long-term weight and effort that comes with suppressing yourself out in public, putting on that act, the constant underlying terror that you'll slip up somewhere and consequently get a failing grade on being a human being. I can get how liberating it might feel, especially while you're still figuring yourself out - even if you know that it's rude and unfair and it's going to come back to bite you - to be able to tell your acquaintances that you're actually not interested in the small talk about holidays or weekend excursions that you've already had to navigate a thousand times while not really understanding why everyone else seemed to be enjoying it so much. Because the declaration you're really making to yourself is that it's OK to feel this way.
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Jan 10, 2024 00:45
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