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I'd love some input on my son and what the hell to do about his attitude lately. He's 9, in 4th grade. He's a smart, normal quiet/introverted kid. Loves to read (absolutely devours books, remembers everything that happens), loves playing video games, legos, watching youtube, he's got friends to play with both in the neighborhood and at school, etc. He's always had a "burn it down" mode, when he gets mad it's drat near impossible for him to snap out of it, he just sometimes needs to go sit in his room a bit and calm down. There's times where he's just been obviously overwrought and tired but doesn't recognize it, we'll send him to his room to cool down and he'll just fall asleep and sleep until morning. There's no talking to him at the time, but when he's back to feeling better we've had many discussions about it, I've asked him what I or my wife can do better to help him at the time, etc. He doesn't know, and he recognizes that he does it but he can't get himself out of it. Anyway, recently his attitude has gotten pretty bad. If we ask him to do anything he doesn't want to do, he will absolutely melt down about it. That's been mostly home behavior, when he's out in public he always behaves. Things have changed though. Recently at school he's been refusing to do his work. He will sit there and read whatever book he's currently reading and ignore everything else. The teacher let this happen early in the year during math because my son is pretty great at it. I asked the teacher to please not let him do that because if you give him an inch he wants to take a mile, etc. Well, it's now coming back to bite him in the rear end. Yesterday, my son wasn't doing his work, and I believe the teacher asked him to stop reading and do his assignment. My son screamed at him and kicked his desk. He got sent to the office. This morning, we received a call from the teacher that he was again refusing to do his work, and when the teacher took the book away from him, he ripped it back out of his hands and screamed at him again. The teacher took him to the office and called my wife to see if she could talk him down, which never works. We've tried taking things away from him, be it video game time, books, tablet/youtube time, toys, etc. We've taken away stuff for up to a week before. It really doesn't work. We recently tried rewarding him when he does things well. I hate the idea of rewarding him for just doing what he should already be, but we tried anyway. If he did his work in school and he had no bad reports from the teacher, he got a reward at the end of the week. That worked last week, and he was looking forward to this week, and then he's acted worse than he ever has. I have absolutely no clue what to do. No punishment has ever really worked on him. I did tell him yesterday if he had any more incidents at school I would clean his room out of everything except a bed and a dresser (no books, legos, stuffed animals, other toys). After today I feel like I need to follow through with what I said, so I'm looking around for the smallest storage unit I can find to take all of his poo poo and put it in there and see if I get his attention, but I'm doubting it's going to matter.
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Jan 11, 2024 19:38
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Democratic Pirate posted:20 week ultrasound tech: one kidney is a bit larger than the other. Nothing major, will probably resolve on its own. We’ll do a quick follow up to confirm it’s in tolerance. Aw, I'm sorry it's still going on. My son ended up in the ER with a kidney infection a year ago this week at 3 months old, and ended up getting diagnosed later in the year with VUR in one kidney. It wasn't as hard to get a kid under one year old to pee for the scans, but the crying and holding him down for so long was unbearable. Here's hoping it goes away in childhood.
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Jan 11, 2024 19:40
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we have a digital picture frame and the 6yo and 3yo love seeing baby pics of themselves so much we have to put it face down during meal times just so they'll sit and eatMr. Freebus posted:the 15m old somehow unscrewed a hex bolt from my desk and kept saying uh oh until i got down and looked. then she slapped a sticker on my face. i have been owned lmao
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Jan 11, 2024 19:46
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Combo posted:I'd love some input on my son and what the hell Have him talk to a therapist or child psychologist; this reads like something is up he won't talk about.
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Jan 11, 2024 20:04
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Xand_Man posted:Have him talk to a therapist or child psychologist; this reads like something is up he won't talk about. Yep my wife and I talked about this after the call from the school this morning.
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Jan 11, 2024 20:18
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Combo posted:I'd love some input on my son and what the hell to do about his attitude lately. In this context, punishments might be counterproductive. Relying on punishments and rewards to improve his behavior isn't going to be successful if his behavior is something that's out of his control in the first place. In which case, failure and punishment is inevitable, and chances are it's contributing to feelings of isolation and worthlessness. If there's times when he acknowledges that he is behaving impulsively and out of control, you might want to try talking with him and validate what's going on. You want him to know that you're on his team and that while his outbursts are unacceptable, you also acknowledge that he is having a hard time, and that want to help get him to a place where he does have better control over all this, and that it's OK to make mistakes. Meeting with a child psychologist/therapist is the best option from here--they can help figure out what's really going on developmentally and help him figure out healthy coping strategies. You should be able to get a referral from his pediatrician. Unfortunately since things are still pretty screwed-up at large with pandemic kids, you might be a couple months out from a first-available appointment.
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Jan 11, 2024 20:30
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Combo posted:I'd love some input on my son and what the hell to do about his attitude lately. Don’t do that, just let him know that you realized the punishment was out of line, and spend time with him doing something instead (a walk, helping organize the garage, or yard work would be reasonable). I have a kid with ADHD and PTSD who is developmentally on par with a nine year old. ‘The explosive child’ is a good jumping off point book to read for kids with behavioral challenges.
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Jan 11, 2024 20:39
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Yeah, we have talked to him both during angered times and not, to let him know that it's completely fine to be angry, it's all about how we handle it. Our worry with a child psychologist is that he's too much like me when I was a kid and he'll just shut down and not say anything at all. I know they're trained to get kids to talk, but still. He is insanely stubborn. Things I've thought may be the cause: - Maybe he just wants attention and doesn't feel like he's getting it. Even though I do ask him daily if he wants to play a card/board game, if he wants me to play legos with him, etc, he rarely takes me up on any of it. I will say him and I worked on a puzzle on Sunday together (still not finished) and he had a great day Monday. He came home, he voluntarily did an optional math worksheet at home, he was great. Then Tuesday morning he fought like hell about getting up and getting ready for school because he had his mind made up that they were going to have a snow day (and then it didn't snow at all). I've offered to work on the puzzle every day since but he doesn't want to. Sometimes, when he turns me/my wife down for a board game, her and I will just start playing instead, and he'll come out of his room or whatever else he was doing and hover and then want to play the next round, but that only lasts for a game or two and then he's done generally. But that's one way to get him to join us. - He may feel like we are too structured. He gets an hour's worth of video game time per day and a couple of youtube videos worth of screen time and then he's done. He has friends that have no limits on game/screen time and feels like he shouldn't either now that he's "growing up". I've told him part of growing up is also doing the things he's supposed to do, like listening to his teacher and doing his school work, doing chores (which he fights most of the time too), etc. He has to take a shower by 8 pm and be in bed by 8:30 with his teeth brushed and his headgear on. Engineer Lenk posted:Don’t do that, just let him know that you realized the punishment was out of line, and spend time with him doing something instead (a walk, helping organize the garage, or yard work would be reasonable). This is a good idea, it's not something I wanted to do or was looking forward to, I was trying to get his attention. All those activities are off the table at the moment though as it's cold as gently caress outside and even colder this weekend. Combo fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Jan 11, 2024 |
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Jan 11, 2024 20:50
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Combo posted:Yeah, we have talked to him both during angered times and not, to let him know that it's completely fine to be angry, it's all about how we handle it. Combo posted:Our worry with a child psychologist is that he's too much like me when I was a kid and he'll just shut down and not say anything at all. I know they're trained to get kids to talk, but still. He is insanely stubborn. Yes, they're trained to work with stubborn kids. There might be a good strategy to introduce him to the idea that a meeting will happen, once you reach that point. Combo posted:Maybe he just wants attention and doesn't feel like he's getting it. Combo posted:He may feel like we are too structured. How much free time does he have each day? What does he do during those times and how much agency does he have over it? Combo posted:This is a good idea, it's not something I wanted to do or was looking forward to, I was trying to get his attention.
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Jan 11, 2024 21:40
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ExcessBLarg! posted:How much free time does he have each day? What does he do during those times and how much agency does he have over it? One of us is off of work and able to pick him up and have him back home by 5:30, so approximately 5:30 to 8. His normal evening is he jumps on for his hour of game time right when he gets home, then dinner, he watches part of his videos during dinner and that tends to continue until about 7-7:15. Then he either reads, plays legos, and I offer to do something (anything) with him. I will say he hates "chores" but if I'm doing something in the garage, or over the fall I was re-doing a shed in my back yard, he enjoyed periodically helping with that and I love involving him. In the spring when he starts to warm up again the shed will be a priority because it's going to be a clubhouse for him and we are going to build/put a firepit in front of it.
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Jan 11, 2024 21:59
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How much outdoor time does he get? I know the weather sucks for most of us right now, but I’ve found that being outdoors and physically active does wonders for my kids and myself. Especially in the winter.
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Jan 11, 2024 22:01
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Combo posted:This is a good idea, it's not something I wanted to do or was looking forward to, I was trying to get his attention. All those activities are off the table at the moment though as it's cold as gently caress outside and even colder this weekend. If you need something indoors maybe cooking together? Beyond just talking to a therapist there’s also formal psychological evaluation if things get worse. This may be provided by the school if you’re in the US and you or the school put in a request for evaluation for special education. I like to let school things stay at school whenever possible when it comes to disciplinary actions (basically everything short of out of school suspension). I would talk to my kid and find external resources to help them develop skills for dealing with their situation, but wouldn’t ground them or add in punishment at home, apart from possible logical consequences like making up some schoolwork before getting on games.
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Jan 11, 2024 22:08
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in_cahoots posted:How much outdoor time does he get? I know the weather sucks for most of us right now, but I’ve found that being outdoors and physically active does wonders for my kids and myself. Especially in the winter. They still get recess at school, twice a day but I'm not sure if they're going outside at the moment or not. We got snow Friday night and Saturday morning him and I went out and had a big snowball fight and made a snowman, then on Sunday he was out for a while gathering up the remaining snow that hadn't melted and making a fort and then laying in it for a while. So he was outside a decent amount for the weather we've been having. quote:If you need something indoors maybe cooking together? I have tried, he's not been terribly interested in cooking with me or my wife. Tonight with no game time (I get wanting to leave school stuff at school, but today was the worst day he's had and he was incredibly disruptive, I feel like he should be at least mildly punished) maybe he'll be interested in doing something.
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Jan 11, 2024 22:25
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Combo posted:I have absolutely no clue what to do. No punishment has ever really worked on him. I did tell him yesterday if he had any more incidents at school I would clean his room out of everything except a bed and a dresser (no books, legos, stuffed animals, other toys). After today I feel like I need to follow through with what I said, so I'm looking around for the smallest storage unit I can find to take all of his poo poo and put it in there and see if I get his attention, but I'm doubting it's going to matter. Please don't just take all your kids toys and stuff away. It doesn't work. It just hurts them more. Children do not understand how these events are tied together even if you spell it out. Negative reinforcement, especially for a bright kid who has impulse problems, is not helpful. Remember, your 9 year old doesn't quite understand how anything works right now. They're not being stubborn to spite you. They're a child, and if they have impulse control issues, even if they DO understand, they can't control themselves. My 11 year old was having these exact problems. The issues started with them when they were in maybe 2nd grade. We tried punishment, taking away their screen time or toys or whatever. We tried stickers and awards. None of these things worked. It's because at their age they had impulse control issues. They weren't being stubborn or rude or anything on purpose, and talking to them to ask them why held valuable insight into why this was happening. Here's what worked: consistent therapy, a 504 program where they had things put in place for them at the school like time with the social worker, visible timers in class to help them understand when they do work and when they don't, brain breaks where they could tell the teacher they needed to walk away, and instead of negative reinforcement, positive reinforcement. You may not need to go that far, but if you say "no punishment has worked on him" it sounds like you should try the following things: try to understand, from his perspective, why he is doing these things, what you could do to make him not do those things, and what he thinks might help him want to do what he should be doing. At 11, I can get clear answers on these things with my kid, but it's because of the multiple years of therapy we've done and because since we've asked them "why did that happen" enough times, and they trust us because we don't punish them for telling us the truth about stuff like that, they are getting practiced at being able to understand why they aren't able to control certain impulses. (At this point we're also going to see if they have ADHD which is manifesting harder now that they have homework and harder assignments in 6th grade.)
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Jan 11, 2024 23:22
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Yeah, I'm not going to take all his stuff away. We tried some positive reinforcement (his room was a disaster because he threw a fit any time we asked him to clean it) a few weeks ago, if you clean your room you get a small lego set. He cleaned it all that day. So we thought ok, negative things aren't working, so maybe having him get rewarded at the end of every week for doing what he's supposed to be doing in school will work. It did last week, and he had a good day on Monday, but Tuesday he drat near refused to get out of bed and screamed and cried the whole time, yesterday was desk kicking day and today was taking his book back from the teacher this morning and then having another absolute meltdown this afternoon apparently. I need to ask if the school system has a councilor that will see him and some program like you're talking about. edit: ExcessBLarg! posted:
No, I didn't really have behavior issues or anything, I just mostly shut down and internalized things which would cause me to eventually blow up, but never as a younger kid, more as a teenager. Never been to a therapist or anything. Combo fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Jan 11, 2024 |
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Jan 11, 2024 23:44
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Combo posted:I'd love some input on my son and what the hell to do about his attitude lately. This sounds really rough. What does he say his feelings are when moments like that have happened?
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Jan 11, 2024 23:48
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I have a 9yo who was going down a similar path - explosively angry for no reason, melting down over little stuff, etc. She’s pretty clearly inherited some flavor of neurodivergence. For us, it turned out there was just a ton of underlying anxiety. We’ve been working with a child therapist certified in SPACE methodology amongst others, and it’s literally been life-changing for her. She’s better able to articulate when she’s upset and take steps to manage it. They also have her doing exposure therapy for her triggers and that’s had HUGELY positive results in areas we hadn’t even considered. Not all therapists are created equal, and not all methodologies will work for your kid. We sold it initially to mine as a ‘feelings doctor’, because something with her feelings wasn’t working quite right and a doctor could help her feel better just like a ‘body doctor’ fixes our physical ailments. Taking the stigma and mystery out of it may help with the initial hump!
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Jan 11, 2024 23:54
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Chillmatic posted:This sounds really rough. What does he say his feelings are when moments like that have happened? I got him to actually talk to me on the way home from school yesterday (generally he just shuts down until much later), I asked him if it was because his teacher made him stop reading his book, he said yes. But also the work was too hard. The work was reading a passage and answering some questions about it. This is a kid that read all of the Harry Potter books in about 2 weeks and can tell you exactly what happened in every single one of them, along with any other book he's read in the last couple of years. I texted with his teacher and told him what my son said, but we both agreed that it basically came down to he didn't want to do it, he wanted to read instead. He put "idk" for all of the questions he was supposed to fill out and went back to reading. Sometimes he just absolutely shuts down because something is "too hard" but he's barely tried it. Riding a bike is one of those things. I think he has a lot of anxiety about failing. cailleask posted:I have a 9yo who was going down a similar path - explosively angry for no reason, melting down over little stuff, etc. She’s pretty clearly inherited some flavor of neurodivergence. For us, it turned out there was just a ton of underlying anxiety. We’ve been working with a child therapist certified in SPACE methodology amongst others, and it’s literally been life-changing for her. She’s better able to articulate when she’s upset and take steps to manage it. They also have her doing exposure therapy for her triggers and that’s had HUGELY positive results in areas we hadn’t even considered. I will definitely try this type of spin if we find someone to see him soon! Combo fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jan 11, 2024 |
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Jan 11, 2024 23:55
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I think you hit the nail on the head re: anxiety about failing, because that’s EXACTLY what was going on with my kid. She was afraid to make a choice, afraid to be wrong, and just like… anxious! So she would shut down, even when she was perfectly capable. Exposure therapy really, genuinely, has helped her with all of those things. And it’s weird, because in doing exposure therapy to things she admits to being afraid of (spiders, fish), she’s also somehow learning to deal with these abstract anxieties that were at the REAL root cause of the problems she had.
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Jan 12, 2024 00:06
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Thank all of you dudes for letting me talk this out, my wife and I have been at a loss for the last couple of months with this and now that it's migrated to school, he went from one of the example students (he had the same teacher last year who absolutely loves him) to having multiple meltdowns.
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Jan 12, 2024 00:18
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It's SO hard when you have a smart but anxious/lack of impulse control-ly 8-12 year old: you FEEL like they are smart enough to not to do behaviors, and they will be able to explain the things they shouldn't do and why they shouldn't do it and say "I won't do that again" but they can't just magically have impulse control even if they WANT to not do those things. Negative reinforcement doesn't work because there's a layer of thinking the kid doesn't have yet, and it's not even like in the moment they're thinking about how they will lose their screen time. They got child brain. Once you can talk to your kid and you realize they can have complex thoughts and emotions it's like "cool, this person understands rationality" but it's not quite true. My 11 year old can do some complicated math and understand deeper metaphor in stories but is still just a little guy who goes "uhhhh idk why I screamed at the teacher and ran away, my bad......"
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Jan 12, 2024 00:29
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Combo posted:We tried some positive reinforcement (his room was a disaster because he threw a fit any time we asked him to clean it) a few weeks ago, if you clean your room you get a small lego set. He cleaned it all that day. ADHD is a complete inscrutable mess to my hyper logical brain. My kid can stubbornly refuse to pick all the dirty clothes up off their floor (which is immediately rewarded by screen time) because it (a <10 minute task) feels insurmountable. And then they occasionally get a random cleaning/reorganizing thought and do it for an hour. Going on and off foods is also completely maddening; it usually happens just as I get a Costco-sized bag. My approach to chore avoidance/refusal is to break it down into bite sized steps, use timers, incorporate body doubling and work on a similar task near them, and sometimes let them set their own subgoals; stamina and independence have built gradually for these kinds of tasks over the past four years. car dance posted:It's SO hard when you have a smart but anxious/lack of impulse control-ly 8-12 year old: you FEEL like they are smart enough to not to do behaviors, and they will be able to explain the things they shouldn't do and why they shouldn't do it and say "I won't do that again" but they can't just magically have impulse control even if they WANT to not do those things. Negative reinforcement doesn't work because there's a layer of thinking the kid doesn't have yet, and it's not even like in the moment they're thinking about how they will lose their screen time. They got child brain. It’s not really easier with a teenager with intellectual disabilities. There’s maybe more of a Groundhog Day vibe and less expectation that they should just be able to get it, but you’re also dealing with a kid that is near grown adult size and has all the biological teenager brain things going on. Engineer Lenk fucked around with this message at 01:28 on Jan 12, 2024 |
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Jan 12, 2024 01:08
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Oh we've already tried the "just clean your room for 15 minutes, it doesn't have to be spotless, just work toward having it clean". It's never been a clean your room completely or don't come out. He's never cleaned it without one of us helping him until that one time a few weeks ago.
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Jan 12, 2024 01:16
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Combo posted:Oh we've already tried the "just clean your room for 15 minutes, it doesn't have to be spotless, just work toward having it clean". One thing that I (as an adult) find useful is having a defined list of things to do while cleaning the room. Then if you do just one thing, it's still part of doing it. For example 1. Pick up socks off floor and put them in the basket 2. Clear unneeded paper off desk It's a lot easier to be able to do the defined task rather than the more nebulous "clean the room" (also if it's just a list of suggestions hung up on the wall it means that he can choose to do it and choose which one). Being a kid is really tough especially when you get no choices in many of the things you have to do.
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Jan 12, 2024 01:35
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Engineer Lenk posted:It’s not really easier with a teenager with intellectual disabilities. There’s maybe more of a Groundhog Day vibe and less expectation that they should just be able to get it, but you’re also dealing with a kid that is near grown adult size and has all the biological teenager brain things going on. Kinda what I'm expecting... This is 100% why I'm trying to make sure we get the kid set up for success. Unlike me when I was their age, they actually have parents who are like "hmm how tf CAN I get you coping mechanisms??"
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Jan 12, 2024 01:57
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The way I usually break it down for my kid is: Start with the floor (including under the bed): -Dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper -Trash in the trash can -Pick everything else up off the floor and put it in a basket -Put the stuff from the basket away Repeat for specific surfaces Finish by making sure all drawers are closed. This is spread into multiple very short cleaning sessions over a couple of days. Putting things into the basket and putting the stuff from the basket away can go off the rails very quickly so those are usually monitored activities. Vacuuming can fit in sometimes if needed, but usually picking up enough so someone else can properly clean is sufficient.
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Jan 12, 2024 01:58
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My kiddo is extremely stubborn at 3yo and this page has been an excellent read about how it’s absolutely possible it won’t just get better with more communication and experience. I still think my biggest fear is her tendency to hide things from me she knows she shouldn’t be doing, like eating soap behind the shower curtain. Like the poster who has anxiety about controlling for outcomes, I really want to foster an environment where she doesn’t feel the need to be sneaky and can be honest about what she feels she needs to do, while also providing a measure of discipline. Please stop eating soap though, for loving real honey.
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Jan 12, 2024 03:54
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May every screaming manchild who ever made a Herobrine Is Real video have just enough sexual success in life to suffer the Sisyphean exhaustion of explaining to a small, naive, yet increasingly argumentative person that they have been hoodwinked by an urban legend/spooky story/social media trend.
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Jan 12, 2024 04:27
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Reading this page has been a little...I'm not sure, unsettling? Not that there's anything wrong with the advice, it's just that I was that ADHD poor-impulse control angerbot when I was a preteen/teen, so it's seeing my parents struggles from the other side. What helped me was a combo of medication (anti depressants and Adderall) and therapy, years of it. I hated most of it while I was going through it, but it's given me the mental toolbox to function as a competent adult. I can still get that spurt of irrational anger, but control and redirect it. Physical checklists are a godsend for actually giving me the motivation to kickstart a task, also scheduling it in my phone calendar. The final part was going to military school for part of highschool. I still had to 'buy in' to the programs but since it was my decision to go (9/11 era) I didn't have the stereotypical 'send the delinquent to military school' issues that you hear about. Heck, that I saw with some of the other kids. Not that I recommend this part, but it's what worked for me. For all of that, it still took until my brain chemistry settled down to really take. Dumb teenager brain makes things so much harder. But it does get better.
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Jan 12, 2024 10:05
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I guess the reason I'm so passionate about it is because I had these negative reinforcement punishments done to me when I was a child, and they did NOT work, and yet when my kid started doing it, it was what I was falling back on. Realizing that I, as a child, could have been successful if I had been listened to or giving coping mechanisms like therapy or even if I had slightly trusted my parents. ("Did you do your homework?" "No." "Okay, no more tv." taught me to just lie and then later "Oh my god you didn't do any homework all semester? Why did you lie?" ...well because if I told you the truth you would have punished me!) I understand there's likely kids out there that DO need punishment in some way or something. It didn't work on my kid at all because they don't act out because they genuinely enjoy it. They can say "I need to do my homework so I can get a good grade" and then still get caught playing around on their iPad even though it's not what they *want* to be doing. I'm not saying that "therapy and talk to your kids so they trust you, listen to them and help them set themselves up for success" will work for every kid, but for those with actual impulse control issues (ADHD is a huge one), since they cannot control their impulses in that way, they're not intentionally acting out. Even if they can rationally explain the things that they should do, and the things they want to do, doesn't mean they can control it completely. And when someone says "My kid is so smart! Why are they doing this?" it gives me flashbacks to people saying that to me as a kid. 
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Jan 12, 2024 15:15
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Engineer Lenk posted:ADHD is a complete inscrutable mess to my hyper logical brain. My kid can stubbornly refuse to pick all the dirty clothes up off their floor (which is immediately rewarded by screen time) because it (a <10 minute task) feels insurmountable. And then they occasionally get a random cleaning/reorganizing thought and do it for an hour. Going on and off foods is also completely maddening; it usually happens just as I get a Costco-sized bag. One of the better analogies I've run into for my experience with ADHD is to think of the brain as an orchestra. The light is low but all of the various musicians are able to see their music stands and are capable of playing their instruments, but they need to be able to see and understand the conductor for the whole orchestra to make the music that is expected to be played. In ADHD the conductor is too shaded and hard to see, so the musicians (many of which do not even know that a particular piece is supposed to be played at the moment) are doing whatever they desire. Most of the time that is noise as random parts of the orchestra are practicing different pieces they managed to notice the sheets for in the dim light, but sometimes one part will play a bit that the rest of the orchestra decides to spontaneously join in on. The later is called hyperfocus, when it happens on something that needs done it is fantastic but when it happens on some random thing it is beyond maddening because you are distinctly aware of the conductor frantically trying to get them all to stop and perform what they are supposed to. In the analogy stimulants "turn up the lights". You would expect this would be bad since it means that the musicians can see more stuff to do (sheet music in their bags, etc), but that is drastically outweighed by them now having a clear view of the conductor who can put them on task. That task could even be to stop playing and quiet down, which is why a common experience for people with ADHD who experiment with controlled substances is to take cocaine and then immediately take the best drat nap they've ever had.
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Jan 12, 2024 16:05
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You can enforce reasonable limits without framing it as punishment, and it seems like framing things as a predictable sequence of events for your child from when they are very young can help. The difference between ‘If you don’t do your homework you can’t play your game’ and ‘First you do your homework, then you play your game’ seems small but important. There’s also sometimes this expectation that a kid will magically be able to do things independently because they’ve helped with it or done it supervised many times. For some kids that’s no big deal, and for others they may need the transition to be very gradual and kids’ independence level can fluctuate day by day (or minute by minute). The trick is to support them enough so they can function, but scale back enough that they are developing independence. Sometimes it’s as simple as asking them what the first step is, giving verbal support and encouragement, then they decide the conversation is taking too long and go start the task. If they’re partway through, a quick ‘What’ve you done’, and genuine acknowledgment of their progress before asking about the next step can help set the tone and make it more likely to get done.
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Jan 12, 2024 16:43
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That sounds a lot like my 11 year old. He wa diagnosed with ADHD and started medication years ago, but it didn't help as much with his explosive emotional behavior like you talk about. Well, he got his Autism diagnosis to go along with that last year and it was sort of an "Oh....yeah..." moment. He's getting there and its a lot easier to figure out whats going on with the diagnosis. He's extrememly high functioning which is why it took so long to get a diagnosis. If he could just get his poo poo together with these outbursts he would be fine. When "Mr. Hyde" comes out when he gets in an aggitated state nothing will get him out of it until he's through it. We could threaten to take away anything or limit things for a year and he would 100% not stop. The only thing that stops him is if he goes to his room alone and works it out himself.
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Jan 12, 2024 20:15
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I did not anticipate how much drat pasta I was gonna have to make every day as parent of a toddler
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Jan 13, 2024 01:18
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Happy new Bluey day. I'll just be crying over Cricket and Dragon, don't mind me.
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Jan 13, 2024 01:20
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hallo spacedog posted:I did not anticipate how much drat pasta I was gonna have to make every day as parent of a toddler I anticipated that, I did not anticipate a picky eater who changes what he likes every single day. I'd kill for something he'd consistently eat at this point
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Jan 13, 2024 01:40
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Alterian posted:When "Mr. Hyde" comes out when he gets in an aggitated state nothing will get him out of it until he's through it. We could threaten to take away anything or limit things for a year and he would 100% not stop. The only thing that stops him is if he goes to his room alone and works it out himself. Yeah makes sense. When you're feeling big emotions sometimes you just gotta ride it out and come down a bit, then you can keep going.
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Jan 13, 2024 01:55
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I swear my boy is going through a feeding regression or something, he's suddenly been worse at chewing his foods. Probably just his upper front teeth finally coming in. We tried to feed him some noodles a couple days ago but he pretty much swallowed them whole then spit them back out. Same with some soft cheese we give him, just swallowed the big chunk without chewing.
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Jan 13, 2024 01:57
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hallo spacedog posted:I did not anticipate how much drat pasta I was gonna have to make every day as parent of a toddler And I never know how much to make. Sometimes he guzzles down a half pound of pasta and I'm a bad dad for not making more, sometimes he takes 3 bites and is good
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Jan 13, 2024 01:57
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Renegret posted:And I never know how much to make. Sometimes he guzzles down a half pound of pasta and I'm a bad dad for not making more, sometimes he takes 3 bites and is good In my 20s as a single person where I had total control of my life I would read these reports about how something like 33% of all food is wasted. I was flabbergasted. Almost never would I have any good left over I'd only make what I needed. I would say a full 50% of food made for our kid goes to waste these days. The back seat of our car is a graveyard of mummified breakfast bars and blueberries
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Jan 13, 2024 02:06
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