|
Busters posted:Also: it seems like a scam, but most americano's are just espresso and mostly water. That's how they are... 1:3 or 1:4 sometimes. Not that I drink them. No joke, Americanos were an effort to accommodate American soldiers occupying Italy, who wanted coffee and didn’t always care for espressos. The ratio of coffee to water I use is about 1:2, but 1:3 is pretty common, and some people go for 1:4 for whatever reason. I like coffee, people have it lots of ways, nobody has it Nathen’s way. God drat, that was hilarious to read yesterday. Based on the bacteria content of keeping the orange sauce on hand for weeks to a month at a time I’m a little surprised some didn’t manage to survive, put on a suit, and run as a conservative in a local election.
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 15:15
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 28, 2024 04:12 |
|
|
So where is the orange sauce that he spent a year working on with an expert chef or whatever???? Also adding a bit of carrots to tomato sauce is totally valid; canned tomatoes lose their sweetness so you need to add it back somehow. Cheap-rear end sauces just use sugar.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 15:52
|
|
|
j.peeba posted:I really like the salad dressing. Most of the recipes are generously restaurant sized but this one is definitely not. Here's some highlights from its ingredients... It's a single cat-sized serving, very meta
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 15:54
|
|
|
As a guy who regularly makes a variety of BBQ sauces, that recipe passes me off. The ingredients list has no mother sauce. Which is allowable, but not great. But then I saw it says at the very end "add secret sauce and mix well." Okay so there is a mother sauce. But you don't just mix it, you heat until simmering. That's like saucemaking 1: heat all the stuff together to ensure an even melange of flavor. It's as if he tried the basic bbq sauce, said "this tastes like poo poo," added the secret sauce and said "okay this tastes like something normal," and called it a day. Sauces are by far the easiest part of cooking, just taste it, add poo poo, and heat it to a low boil, and repeat This guy has never cooked a single thing in his entire life.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 16:20
|
|
|
david_a posted:So where is the orange sauce that he spent a year working on with an expert chef or whatever???? It's the first recipe posted. The "secret sauce" is Tapenade with some herbs and vegetables added. Drunk Nerds posted:The ingredients list has no mother sauce. Which is allowable, but not great. But then I saw it says at the very end "add secret sauce and mix well." Okay so there is a mother sauce. But you don't just mix it, you heat until simmering. That's like saucemaking 1: heat all the stuff together to ensure an even melange Busters fucked around with this message at 18:50 on Jan 15, 2024 |
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 18:46
|
|
|
Busters posted:. Honestly, I have no idea. I just wanted to get in on the poo poo-piling by pretending I know things
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 19:00
|
|
|
im gonna try to make the secret sauce later in the week but loving how half the ingrediants are only listed in the description lol e: im also gonna make a garfuccino to go with it hemale in pain fucked around with this message at 19:36 on Jan 15, 2024 |
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 19:31
|
|
|
Busters posted:It's the first recipe posted. The "secret sauce" is Tapenade with some herbs and vegetables added. now be fair, there's also a totally indeterminate amount of san marzano canned tomato puree involved - this poo poo could just be a basic red sauce with some olive mush up in it, or it could be a chunky onion and tapenade party with a little tomato sauce to thin it out
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 19:42
|
|
|
i expected these recipes to be more like a domino's or an applebee's where everything is full of xanthan gum and calcium chloride and food dyes that chemically castrate you. they are more like notes than full recipes (how do i shape my crust into a grotesque parody of garfield's face?) but otherwise they seem pretty normal. besides, of course, an espresso drink with both milk and orange juice. that is truly revolting MSPain fucked around with this message at 20:41 on Jan 15, 2024 |
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 20:31
|
|
|
Blue Moonlight posted:How familiar was your wife with Nathen Mazri and the GarfieldEATS saga before you convinced her to do this? I've told her about Nathen before and shown her particularly funny posts from this thread so she's at least aware of who he is and what he does. Me: "Hey hon, if I give you a lasagna recipe, would you be willing to make it for us?" Her: "Is it from that Garfield weirdo?" Me: "Possibly" Her: "Ok if you get me all the ingredients, I'll make it but you're going to eat it no matter what" ...which is fine. I'm sure I've had worse and with two teenagers in the house, it will 100% be eaten even if it's terrible.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 20:48
|
|
|
MSPain posted:they are more like notes than full recipes It’s not unfinished it’s raw and unedited!
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 21:39
|
|
|
"fanvestor" doesn't really work, does it? god I'm so fuckin sick of these portmanteaus
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 21:47
|
|
|
Frank Frank posted:I've told her about Nathen before and shown her particularly funny posts from this thread so she's at least aware of who he is and what he does. First of all, I love your relationship and I hope I find someone who gets me well enough to guess right on the first try. Anyway, I have an idea of why a lot of the recipes are formatted so weirdly and don't have instructions. There's a computer program that will calculate things like the total cost of each recipe, portions per recipe, cost per portion, average sales of each item, etc. I think Nathen just imported the text of the recipes from the program into Excel, and didn't notice or care that the "recipes" are just lists of ingredients. If I remember right, one function is to calculate the recipe's ingredients per portion. E.g: your recipe makes sixty portions, and it'll tell you how much you need to make a single portion. I think that's why the recipe for salad dressing is so, well, stupid. It's like 1/32 of the actual recipe. This is just a guess. I only used that computer program during a semester of school for my baking certificate, over a decade ago. It's kind of like bespoke Excel, but more, and extremely useful. So it makes sense that Nathen didn't use it correctly.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 22:00
|
|
|
MSPain posted:they are more like notes than full recipes (how do i shape my crust into a grotesque parody of garfield's face?) but otherwise they seem pretty normal. besides, of course, an espresso drink with both milk and orange juice. that is truly revolting JAnon posted:doesn't really work, does it? god I'm so fuckin sick of these portmanteaus Or perhaps you no longer supportmanteaus
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 22:04
|
|
|
JAnon posted:"fanvestor" The worst thing about that is that I'm pretty sure fanvestor predates Nathen
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 22:09
|
|
|
Those recipes are hysterical. Also remember that he was probably buying high-priced organic everything ingredients then leaving them in a refrigerated tub for weeks on end. I'm not much of a cook but I know it's just as easy to ruin a dish made of high quality ingredients as it is the cheapest crap from the discount bin at Walmart.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 23:05
|
|
|
Busters posted:It's the first recipe posted. The "secret sauce" is Tapenade with some herbs and vegetables added. My point is how the hell does that list of ingredients make an orange sauce? From reading the recipes this is what goes into it: * Tomato puree * White onions * Garlic * Shallots * Basil * Truffle oil * Green olives * Caper seeds * Olive oil * Minced garlic This nebulous step claims it becomes orange: “Turn off the heat and give it a nice blender to get the Garfield Orange color for the final aroma.” How!? How does that turn orange? Is “Garfield Orange” a separate ingredient he didn’t include anywhere?
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 23:34
|
|
|
to be fair it says the garfield orange for the final aroma! clearly that's err different from being orange
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 23:40
|
|
|
These recipes were developed on a rusty blender to get that official Garfield-brand orange
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 23:52
|
|
|
Crazy to think that in a parallel universe a bunch of cats are reading a thread about how Garfield is the world’s youngest Nathen Mazri licensee Nathiccino: 60 ml espresso, 30 mg beard stubble, 300 ml Astroglide
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 23:53
|
|
|
thank you op, this recipe book is the kind of classic something awful content we all yearn for
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2024 23:55
|
|
|
david_a posted:My point is how the hell does that list of ingredients make an orange sauce? From reading the recipes this is what goes into it: Maybe the white onions + garlic mixed with the tomato makes it orange?? I honestly don't know, the tapenade being mostly olives means it'll be a dark greenish color, so mixing it with tomato puree would make for like...a muddy brown?? No clue how it turns orange. Guess the only way to know is to make it to be sure!!
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 01:00
|
|
|
it feels like nathen heard the word tapenade and then just incorporated it
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 01:06
|
|
|
david_a posted:My point is how the hell does that list of ingredients make an orange sauce? From reading the recipes this is what goes into it: Now that I think about it, yeah. Isn't tapenade dark green, black or brown?
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 01:24
|
|
|
Busters posted:Now that I think about it, yeah. Isn't tapenade dark green, black or brown? tapenade is olive puree, yes
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 01:26
|
|
|
I’d be completely ready to believe he did a bump and wrote these things down in no relation to what those premade products ended up being
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 01:26
|
|
|
As somebody that's worked in BOH before the actual recipes document shared looks like whatever was printed out and taped to the kitchen wall for the poor cooks to follow. The nonsensical measurements included.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 03:02
|
|
|
Big City Drinkin posted:The Jim Davis: a pizza named after an elderly cartoonist that has just pepperoni and pineapple?? Based on my knowledge of the general spirit of the Garfield cartoons he created (I was a Garfield fan for years as a young adult, can take it or leave it now), Davis might well be described as a salty but sweet old man. Garfield is salty, Jon Arbuckle is sweet. Also the gal whose cup of dog cum Jon drank in that one strip was sweet. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 05:12
|
|
|
Frank Frank posted:lol you gave Nathen money I for one appreciate your service, CodfishCartographer, or we would have missed out on multiple lols. (And I'm loving glad I didn't pay 50 bucks for one myself! Ten bucks maybe, tops, I'd be prepared to pay.) If you create a crowdfunding page to try and recompense your GarfRECIPES "book" cost, I'd chip in a buck o' three for sure.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 05:22
|
|
|
david_a posted:My point is how the hell does that list of ingredients make an orange sauce? From reading the recipes this is what goes into it: From vague memories of making jollof rice, blended and sautéed onions and tomatoes can end up decently orange. Adding the olives certainly won't help, though.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 05:55
|
|
|
peanut posted:Orange juice and espresso And honey and milk[!!!] in the Orange Bee Garficcno [sic]. I bet that curdled a treat. It must have looked a fair bit like the vomit I reckon I'd quickly feel like expelling after drinking one. The reviews of people dissing the food in almost stark disbelief in videos and a few written articles were, it seems, all too correct. I wonder who Nathen tested these grand concoctions on before selling them in his doomed store. I bet he thinks he'd be franchising GarfieldEATS all over the world by now if he still had a Garfield license.  I love all this poo poo, he never stops his eccentric behaviours and expressing his many strange and dodgy beliefs for more than a few weeks tops. He literally can't help himself. Never stop, Nathen!
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 16:24
|
|
|
boof posted:If they're Office documents, it may be worth checking if they also have any of the edit history accidentally included in them for any hidden nuggets of gold that Nathen may have decided to delete. dr_rat posted:Oh check the metadate! Seem to recall the FBI caught a serial killer once through the meta data in a word document they sent. I decided to follow-up on this, and unfortunately wasn't able to uncover much. The main recipe book is a pdf - one that was obviously lazily converted from a docx, as docx is still in the filename lmao. Unfortunately just deleting the ".pdf" from the end doesn't work. So that just leaves us with the Garficcino recipe excel sheet, and alas its history is unavailable. However, I was able to uncover that it was made in 2017 by someone named "Armiel" which I don't think is a name we've ever heard before.  Considering it was made in 2017, I'm guessing this is indeed the original file used for the garficcino recipes in the restaurant / mobile delivery service in Dubai, likely starting as a vague idea list and then shifting over time to include ingredients.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 16:37
|
|
|
Zefiel posted:Pretty spicy coming from the guy who tried to buy a frozen lasagna despite being in a whole other country Frank Frank posted:I’m still mad that he refused to ship it I read a good article during the GarfEATS/ScoobyEATS mail order saga era where the "frozen" lasagna the Canadian reviewer ordered arrived with all the dry ice already melted and evaporated away. The idiot still ate all the Garfsagna, even though it was dripping fluid and had a funny smell or something (I think they must have watched way too much Jackass as a kid). The meal was not rated highly. (Sorry but that's all the details I remember, and stupidly I didn't save the article or url - though the latter may or may not have appeared in one of my posts in a Nathen thread here.) Sending frozen foods in cold packs, one would think, is only consistently safe when whatever courier is used is super reliable, and no warehouses or vans/truck rears / plane cargo holds involved are super hot (a big ask). In no way can I imagine Nathen organising all that reliably for every shipment. So you narrowly avoided a week of diarrhea, projectile vomiting, and possible death by E. coli poisoning. Phew! BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 17:16 on Jan 16, 2024 |
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 16:52
|
|
|
The guy who received a box of sand instead of lasagna was a coward for not eating it and reviewing it
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 17:04
|
|
|
Busters posted:I'm sure a reasonable restaurant could do prep for a week, but part of that would be having instructions about how many portions to split up per service or day. We need some experts in this thread. Is there a pro-chef thread in goons with spoons we can call in?
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 17:21
|
|
|
I'm really really surprised that's the recipe for the secret sauce bc when I had the... Sigh... Garfgherita with secret sauce, I'd have sworn the sauce was carrot baby food
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 19:02
|
|
|
Killingyouguy! posted:I'm really really surprised that's the recipe for the secret sauce bc when I had the... Sigh... Garfgherita with secret sauce, I'd have sworn the sauce was carrot baby food I for one still salute you for subjecting yourself to those horrors, including the garficcino. o7 o7 o7
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2024 21:16
|
|
|
Maybe these were the recipes from the Dubai store that served as the basis for Toronto but then got updated along the way. It is completely in character that Nathen would have lost the updated recipes and/or the kitchen was utterly unorganized.
|
|
#
?
Jan 17, 2024 00:07
|
|
|
david_a posted:Maybe these were the recipes from the Dubai store that served as the basis for Toronto but then got updated along the way. It is completely in character that Nathen would have lost the updated recipes and/or the kitchen was utterly unorganized. If he actually served those wimpyass Garficcinos in Dubai I'm surprised nobody took a fatwa out on him.
|
|
#
?
Jan 17, 2024 00:18
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 28, 2024 04:12 |
|
|
None of you ‘muricans heard of a sofrito? That’s the 101 when making any kind of tomato based sauce.
|
|
#
?
Jan 17, 2024 00:20
|
|
