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What do you do when your 3yo has a literal screaming fit that they want the other parent to take them to school and refuses to participate in getting dressed, then slaps at you while you haul their butt into the car Like, kid, I don't have half an hour for you to burn out on energy, I have a half hour budgeted for getting you ready and taking you to school, can you just be normal today Do I just threaten to take away TV? That seems to be the only lever I have here Thankfully she's small and I can eventually stuff her in clothes and the car but it's extremely stressful for both of us. It's basically like some days she wakes up looking for a reason to have a tantrum
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Feb 8, 2024 18:54
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Hadlock posted:What do you do when your 3yo has a literal screaming fit that they want the other parent to take them to school and refuses to participate in getting dressed, then slaps at you while you haul their butt into the car I threaten and then I take away TV, and I haul the kid kicking and screaming into the car. Then I haul them kicking and screaming into class. It does absolutely suck. “Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed!” When they choose violence at 6:00AM.
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Feb 8, 2024 18:59
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The only silver lining about all this is that I feel a little better about being in a foul mood in the morning That post/avatar combo is 
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Feb 8, 2024 19:09
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Hadlock posted:
APAB All Parents Are Bastards
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Feb 8, 2024 19:11
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Hadlock posted:What do you do when your 3yo has a literal screaming fit that they want the other parent to take them to school and refuses to participate in getting dressed, then slaps at you while you haul their butt into the car What's you're "supposed" to do is present the kiddo with a choice on, something, like "pick out your socks" so they can maintain some agency over the process. Sometimes that works to snap my kids out of a tantrum but often not. Occasionally I'll offer them the opportunity to watch the iPad in the car on the way to daycare. It's a special thing for them, and it works because they don't automatically demand it the next day, and they have no trouble shutting it off when we get to daycare. If either of those things weren't true though then it would no longer be an effective option. Sometimes you just have to push through the tantrum through physical force to get them dressed and in the car. Like, use as little force as is sufficient to get the job done, and while you're doing it explain to them in a calm voice what you're doing and what they should expect next. They're still going to tantrum their way through it, but what you're trying to avoid is having it turn into a fight-or-flight response on their part.
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Feb 8, 2024 19:29
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truavatar posted:I'm traveling for work in a few weeks (Sun-Thurs) and I need some ideas on how to ease the pain for my wife. She's a stay-at-home parent for our 1.5yo and 4yo and it's gonna be rough. 4yo goes to preschool MWF in the afternoon, but the little one is still all hands on deck. My folks are in the area and can help out a bit here and there, but can't stay the whole time or anything like that. Can you prep some meals or green light a bunch of Uber Eats or something like that? Make sure the laundry is somewhat done before you head out? Gas up the car? Make sure consumables are stocked up? Anything that can be done preemptively. Also, babysitters are great even if they just come over and can be an extra set of hands or entertain one kid for ten minutes.
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Feb 8, 2024 19:31
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Urgh I had the same kicking and screaming argument about getting ready for school and when little dude was running away from me I said “do you want to go in timeout?” And he cheerfully said, “ok!” I was…not expecting that answer lol. Eventually I bribed him with a choice of yogurt flavors.
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Feb 8, 2024 19:32
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I am seeing this with my kiddo who is going back to daycare for the first time since last summer, and likely doesn’t remember those earlier experiences that she eventually got used to and enjoyed. She cries and says she doesn’t want to go to school, but we have to just give her the space to express the emotion, work through it, and then eventually she comes to the conclusion that it’s gonna be alright. But it also helps I’m not on a strict dropoff schedule thanks to work being flexible with time in office, otherwise I’d be a lot more stressed and want to just get her in the car. It has been weirder this time though in prepping her for it. When she was due to have another set of vaccines, we had her give some to animals and read about it, and she did great with that. So we tried books about going to school and it hasn’t been as successful. Perhaps in the former situation we were still there, whereas we aren’t at school.
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Feb 8, 2024 19:43
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remigious posted:I said “do you want to go in timeout?” And he cheerfully said, “ok!” I was…not expecting that answer lol. Eventually I bribed him with a choice of yogurt flavors. Yeah I learned that lesson too: never threaten with something that will actually delay you even more.
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Feb 8, 2024 19:52
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I worry that our parenting style may be a little too permissive. Our soon to be 3 year old is overall a good kid, but she's pushing boundaries lately, and sometimes we aren't sure how to react. We do a lot of gentle parenting like: "I understand why you feel this way, but [insert explanation of why we need her to do X, Y, or Z].", but sometimes I worry that we're letting her act like a butthole and she's learning she can get away with it. Every day she seems a little more emboldened to do whatever she wants. I'm looking for some advice on how to effectively set and enforce boundaries, while remaining warm and supportive. Has anyone read the book Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy? It seems like it might fit this criteria. I'm down for any other suggestions you all might have as well.
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Feb 8, 2024 19:56
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remigious posted:Can he go to public preschool for 2 years then? Like the other poster, our school district has different Pre-K options depending on the age of the child. Our son went 2 years in a row because he wasn't old enough for Kindergarten (he ended up having the same teacher both years, too). Call your school and ask what the deal is if they don't make it obvious on the sign-up form. Democratic Pirate posted:What’s a good age for a first movie? Our kids were 4 (respectively) when we brought them to their first movies. However, we went to movies that were towards the end of their theater runs, and we went to our local cheapo theater ($5 a ticket) instead of a nicer AMC/Regal. That theater is basically full of families that know kids aren't necessarily gonna be the best behaved at a theater. We still do that with movies in the theater, and our son (5yo) will regularly switch seats throughout the screening because he gets antsy being still for more than 30 minutes. truavater posted:I'm traveling for work in a few weeks (Sun-Thurs) and I need some ideas on how to ease the pain for my wife. She's a stay-at-home parent for our 1.5yo and 4yo and it's gonna be rough. 4yo goes to preschool MWF in the afternoon, but the little one is still all hands on deck. My folks are in the area and can help out a bit here and there, but can't stay the whole time or anything like that. I've traveled regularly for work the entirety of my kids' lives. As others have mentioned, try to help prep things as much as possible for your wife. Do not put any expectations on your wife while you're gone. Make sure that she knows it's totally okay if you come home to a house that looks like a tornado hit it. Shower her praises when you get back and take care of the kids for the majority of the weekend or whatever to make it up to her. Most importantly, enjoy that sweet freedom and don't feel guilty.
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Feb 8, 2024 20:23
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I like using rewards, but I’m also allergic to rewarding tantrums - in my opinion if it’s gotten that far then it’s too late to be using reward and we have to stick to boundary enforcement and calming down before we can talk about good things. If a kid is having a meltdown they’re not in a place where they can make any good choices.What I don’t want is to enforce screaming fit == getting my way. My focus is on staying calm (to model what to do), offering choices, but under no circumstances can they have whatever it is they’re throwing a fit about. Yesterday my daughter had a tantrum because she accidentally asked for the wrong type of chocolate chips in her ice cream at cold stone, and I wouldn’t let her ask the ice cream lady to toss it out and make a new one! In this case I offered her a compromise (half of a new topping split with her brother, since she was otherwise at the pre-agreed limit). She continued to melt down because her ice cream wasn’t perfect, so I let her while I ordered her brother’s, switched both orders to to-go, and left. Then I kinda let her work it out, so long as she was following me to the car and doing the basics? She screamed and said she hated me and I told her that we’d talk about it when she was calm, that her ice cream was still waiting for her, and reminded her of a few techniques she knows to calm herself. Sometimes they want my help but my daughter’s at an age now where my active help just makes her worse. It took a while but she did eventually calm herself, she even chose to still do her piano lesson, and then was able to eat her ice cream afterwards as a reward like I’d originally promised. But I didn’t reward or feed the tantrum while it was happening, if that makes sense? No sense making dysregulation worse. And my kids know through long history that if she had, for example, refused to follow me to the car then I just would have picked her up and made her do it anyways.
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Feb 8, 2024 20:26
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Good-Natured Filth posted:Like the other poster, our school district has different Pre-K options depending on the age of the child. Our son went 2 years in a row because he wasn't old enough for Kindergarten (he ended up having the same teacher both years, too). Call your school and ask what the deal is if they don't make it obvious on the sign-up form.
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Feb 8, 2024 20:31
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Ehud posted:I worry that our parenting style may be a little too permissive. Our soon to be 3 year old is overall a good kid, but she's pushing boundaries lately, and sometimes we aren't sure how to react. We do a lot of gentle parenting like: "I understand why you feel this way, but [insert explanation of why we need her to do X, Y, or Z].", but sometimes I worry that we're letting her act like a butthole and she's learning she can get away with it. Every day she seems a little more emboldened to do whatever she wants. I like Dr. Becky. I haven't read her book yet but I read her newsletter and her Instagram posts. Similarly I like Dr. Siggie. She emphasizes that explaining "why" is of limited use at this age and should be kept succinct. A 3 year old isn't going to be persuaded by logic. The boundary should be repeated short and to the point, while acknowledging the feelings.
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Feb 8, 2024 20:42
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truavatar posted:I'm traveling for work in a few weeks (Sun-Thurs) and I need some ideas on how to ease the pain for my wife. She's a stay-at-home parent for our 1.5yo and 4yo and it's gonna be rough. 4yo goes to preschool MWF in the afternoon, but the little one is still all hands on deck. My folks are in the area and can help out a bit here and there, but can't stay the whole time or anything like that. I'm sure you thought of it, but: does your preschool allow drop-ins on non-standard days for a fee? Adding a couple extra days that week might be worth it. Past that... take the following Friday off so you can give her a well-earned break?
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Feb 8, 2024 20:55
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ExcessBLarg! posted:What's you're "supposed" to do is present the kiddo with a choice on, something, like "pick out your socks" so they can maintain some agency over the process. Sometimes that works to snap my kids out of a tantrum but often not. Yeah I've leaned hard in to this before she even went off she had two choices of socks, shirts pants underwear Mom works from home so it's incomprehensible that Mom can't get off her morning conference call to drive her to work and that seems to be the main problem. The distance between nursery door and "Mommy's office" is less than 3 feet so there's no a good way to mask his. Mommy is also a Loud Talker and there's not a fix for that either I guess I'll just deal with having a lovely toddler in the mornings until she gets her driver's license in 13 years and can drive to school on her own 
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Feb 8, 2024 20:57
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Maybe Friday night + Saturday your wife can go stay over at the grandparents house. Let the energy of small children wash over three adults instead of 1
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Feb 8, 2024 21:00
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I'm usually good about being able to cajole the 3yo into moving quickly in the morning, but if it's not working and she just will not cooperate at all I don't hesitate to brush her teeth for her, throw her into clothing and shoes and get her in the car, screaming all the way. Does this make me a bad parent? Maybe. But we've got deadlines to meet, and she's starting to figure out that yes, sometimes you need to do something even if you really don't want to.
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Feb 8, 2024 21:22
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How important is socialization between 20 and 23 months? Our now 16 month old son will start a 3 half-day/week preschool in April, but it's closed for the summer. My mother-in-law takes care of him during the week right now, but she'll be out in April-May, then back for the summer, then out again in the fall. My mother-in-law is great with him, but doesn't take him out to toddler social events more than once a week right now. She's a retired preschool teacher so she's pretty educational and focused on him, but I think expecting her to take him to a lot more social stuff (when we can even find it) might be a lot. (We don't pay her and she helps us out a little financially, so I don't like making demands.) I also wonder if she's wearing down since he's getting more active and sleeping less - she has him for at least 8 hours a day if we exclude the nap. She and I do talk about them going out to library events more, but she hasn't been so I'm not sure she has the energy. A nearby church-based program is doing 2 half-day/week program over the summer that'll cost $290/month for two months. That's around $600 we'd be spending that isn't necessarily required since we have childcare, but would ease her burden for 9 hours a week and ensure he's spending more than an hour with other kids each week. We have a lot of costs coming up around trying to conceive another kid, so it might be worth saving the money. But I also don't want him to regress over the summer and my mother-in-law is not the type to acknowledge if she needs help or a break. My wife and mother-in-law are slightly concerned about money, but are otherwise neutral. We have to decide by next month, before he even starts his regular preschool. On the note of seeing other kids, we took our son to the park this weekend. Once he was willing to get on the playground equipment, he watched a preschool-aged girl repeatedly jump off the platforms. Then he saw a slightly older toddler jump off a platform, and he decided to replicate that. He can't jump yet, so he fell and landed on his hands in front of everyone. He was fine, so it was just very precious and funny. I was not aware he could already be influenced by other kids. Mistaken Frisbee fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Feb 8, 2024 |
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Feb 8, 2024 22:09
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Vorkosigan posted:I'm usually good about being able to cajole the 3yo into moving quickly in the morning, but if it's not working and she just will not cooperate at all I don't hesitate to brush her teeth for her, throw her into clothing and shoes and get her in the car, screaming all the way. Does this make me a bad parent? Maybe. But we've got deadlines to meet, and she's starting to figure out that yes, sometimes you need to do something even if you really don't want to. I found that rear end-dragging in the morning decreased dramatically after I demonstrated that "If we don't get your shoes on now I will pick you up, carry you to the car, and we will put your shoes on when we get to daycare." wasn't an empty threat Man was he not happy on that drive though.
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Feb 9, 2024 01:04
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Ours takes her socks and shoes off in transit so I just always do that anyway to avoid having to do it twice
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Feb 9, 2024 01:09
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Mistaken Frisbee posted:How important is socialization between 20 and 23 months? To answer your question though, while I think socialization at all ages is generally a good thing, kids at that age engage in parallel play and generally not interact with each other much. I don't think he'd be missing out on much here for a few months, and to whatever extent he might he's going to bounce right back as soon as preschool starts up again in the fall. If your MiL is taking him to outside events at least once a week, that's once a week more than a lot of kids get. It sounds like she's doing great.
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Feb 9, 2024 01:53
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Never trusting a staff pharmacist’s opinions on medicine flavoring again. We strayed from the tried and true Berry flavor and now each dose is a war. It’s a month long, every night script 
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Feb 9, 2024 02:40
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Mine is 36+ months and just barely grasps the concept of friends/best friends. At 20 months, from their perspective other children are effectively animate objects that might occasionally eat their food, but not much more Strong agree with the concept of parallel play. They're not missing much if anything at that age. You can always drag them down to the zoo or neighborhood playground once a week for whatever social needs they have from their own age group (if any) Edit: bubble gum is the one true flavor. Especially that old time one they used to give out in the 80s but it's rare to find today
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Feb 9, 2024 02:40
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Democratic Pirate posted:Never trusting a staff pharmacist’s opinions on medicine flavoring again. We strayed from the tried and true Berry flavor and now each dose is a war. every dose of any flavor is a war. every device, an exercise on futility. I go back into the trenches in 5 minutes, wish me luck
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Feb 9, 2024 02:59
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Democratic Pirate posted:Never trusting a staff pharmacist’s opinions on medicine flavoring again. We strayed from the tried and true Berry flavor and now each dose is a war. Could you phone your doctors office and ask for a reissue of the script to just get berry flavour and end the nightmare? I don't know how much it set you back (I live in the glorious land of subsidised medicare and the pbs) but I know how hard my kid fights cherry flavours and I can't imagine dealing with it for a month.
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Feb 9, 2024 03:09
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So what's the bad flavor? Mustard?
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Feb 9, 2024 03:10
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Shifty Pony posted:I found that rear end-dragging in the morning decreased dramatically after I demonstrated that "If we don't get your shoes on now I will pick you up, carry you to the car, and we will put your shoes on when we get to daycare." wasn't an empty threat I have seen enough kids kicking and screaming their way into daycare during dropoff by now that I’m convinced this is the only real option for parents. It’s like the 3 year old version of sleep training where you just grit through the screaming and eventually something good comes out on the other side.
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Feb 9, 2024 03:15
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GoutPatrol posted:every dose of any flavor is a war. every device, an exercise on futility. Our three year old was totally content using a nebulizer (even holding the nozzle in his mouth) when he had a cough recently. Every time we had used it previously he completely melted down so I was shocked. Any antibiotic is still an absolute nightmare though. They might as well make it taste as bad as possible because the flavors are pointless.
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Feb 9, 2024 03:54
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ExcessBLarg! posted:So what's the bad flavor? Mustard? Apple. G-Spot Run posted:Could you phone your doctors office and ask for a reissue of the script to just get berry flavour and end the nightmare? I don't know how much it set you back (I live in the glorious land of subsidised medicare and the pbs) but I know how hard my kid fights cherry flavours and I can't imagine dealing with it for a month. Eh, they get weird if you try to get another script before the original dose is done. Plus most scripts set me back $6 but insurance decided this particular antibiotic has different coverage and costs me $150.
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Feb 9, 2024 03:54
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Holy God drat. Uh ... I had some luck mixing steroids into a bit of caramel sauce. Whatever you do, god speed.
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Feb 9, 2024 03:57
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ExcessBLarg! posted:Honestly I think you're overthinking this. If you have an outstanding offer for free reasonable-quality childcare for the summer I'd take it. If you have concerns that your MiL watching your son full-time isn't good for her health then you should have a frank discussion with her about that so that you don't feel you're unreasonably taking advantage of her. Okay thanks, this is reassuring! I think I was wondering if just being in those social spaces and seeing other kids for 9 hours a week for school would be best. My mother-in-law and wife felt like three months out of school wouldn't be a big deal at this age, but I know the social benefit of school starts to kick in at 18 months so I wasn't sure if staying home would be detrimental or if the social need is still pretty low. It sounds like the weekly library and some weekend playground time could be enough here. Honestly, she's better at taking care of him than most daycares would. Just constant attention, educational activities and reading, and bilingual Headstart teacher background. I don't want her to think us doing this would be telling her she's doing a bad job, but I'd want to make things easier for her since he's becoming more of a toddler. I just don't know if she'd acknowledge needing it if she did. Our only friends with a kid around my son's age moved states recently, so it's also just been a general anxiety because we don't have other parent friends for playdates now. Making friends is hard.
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Feb 9, 2024 04:36
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Took kiddo to his 5 year checkup yesterday. He completely flunked his hearing test. On the car ride home I ask, dude, you really didn't hear anything? No beep beep beep? Yeah I heard a beep beep!! ... Why did you tell the nurse no then? I couldn't hear my heart!!!! That's gonna be fun to explain to the ENT in three months.
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Feb 9, 2024 09:14
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Why yes I'm posting at 3AM. Can someone tell my baby to go the gently caress to sleep
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Feb 9, 2024 09:18
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<shouting out my window in Australia> Go the gently caress to sleep, baby! I was driving 5yo and 7yo to their first gymnastics class this arvo, listening to Prince. 7yo asks me what he means when he says "let's sweat together". Goddamn it, child. Must you pick up on the most awkward lyrics to explain?
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Feb 9, 2024 11:19
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Doing a gymnastics class together, obviously
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Feb 9, 2024 12:04
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7yo knows what it means and enjoys watching you squirm
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Feb 9, 2024 12:27
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Our current thing re daycare dropoffs is I literally have to just bring her in jammies and dress her in the classroom sometimes but if it helps move things along in the morning I'm here for it
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Feb 9, 2024 13:18
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I have just moved from a place that was a 15 minute car ride to a 3 minute walk to the daycare. Baby Gout has not taken it well, he misses the car ride and going into the McDonald's drive-thru and singing the jingle. I will refuse to switch to a 20 second drive... unless it's pouring outside then I'll go for it. Also because his room has a built in bed space with outlets that we don't want to screw with a two-year-old is getting their own queen sized bed. However, our bed is not arriving for another two weeks so we're taking turns sleeping with him and the other gets the couch.
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Feb 9, 2024 13:48
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Renegret posted:Took kiddo to his 5 year checkup yesterday. He completely flunked his hearing test. lol he's running a 102.6 fever. We're bad parents and never got him a current flu/COVID booster so we had that done yesterday but man, that's a high fever for a vaccine reaction.
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Feb 9, 2024 15:44
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