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Dwight wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom (mentally reminding himself to check in with his urologist again tomorrow) but when he flips on the light, realizes he’s standing in the middle of the “Butt-Kick-o-Rama” that Jim hadn’t been able to get working yet. This time, however, he is chased around the warehouse by an upgraded Super Squeaky Shoe Machine, which kicks him across the backside whenever it catches up until morning dawns. At the first crow of the rooster, Dwight finds himself lying in bed. He would almost imagine the whole thing was a bad dream, except that he is exhausted as is not sleeping a wink the night before, and his red swollen rear end.
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Feb 20, 2024 19:54
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| # ? May 28, 2024 13:21 |
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Tensions are high at the Halpert household as Pam delivers an ultimatum to Jim about the hundreds of jars of Dwight's stolen piss Jim is keeping in the garage.
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Feb 20, 2024 20:16
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an intense scene unfolds as Pam confronts Jim about the hundreds of jars of (Dwight’s) urine stored in their garage with the punch line that Pam is mainly upset that he (Jim) is not sharing access the scene’s final denouement is a recreation shot for shot of the gasoline fight scene in the movie Zoolander as Pam and Jim dowse each other gleefully, with the caveat that urine is not flammable
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Feb 20, 2024 20:32
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Jim turns Dwight British with some sort of ray gun. Jim gurns for the custard n jelly (telly)
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Feb 20, 2024 20:42
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Jim can't decide whether to kick Dwight's balls or rear end. So he kicks both.
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Feb 20, 2024 20:42
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Jim turns Dwight homosexual with some sort of gay gun. Jim spams Grindr with hundreds of catfishing accounts. Taffy Jr. fucked around with this message at 21:25 on Feb 20, 2024 |
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Feb 20, 2024 21:19
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Jim hides firecrackers all over the office rigged with radio-activated ignition switches. Every time Dwight walks past one of them, Jim triggers the switch. Dwight, somewhat jumpy in general, reacts to each of these events by falling to the ground and covering his head while Jim bursts out laughing. An irritated Phyllis finally confronts him. "Jim, this isn't really funny, you know. Those firecrackers sound like gunshots, of course Dwight's going to be a little nervous around them." Jim rolls his eyes and makes a little jerk-off motion with his hand, but an idea hatches inside his rotten brain. The next day, Dwight walks past a filing cabinet and Jim activates more firecrackers. Dwight lets out a yelp and falls to the ground. As he quickly picks himself back up, he doesn't see the bullet hole in the wall that was mere centimeters from where he was just standing. Jim motions the camera crew over and shows them his new control panel, which includes switches to activate both firecrackers and hidden guns. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Feb 21, 2024 14:58
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Jim uses the device from the 1996 children's book Neighbors From Outer Space to bring Ryoko the space pirate from the anime series Tenchi Muyo out of the TV and into real life. Ryoko takes a shine to Dwight and tries to win his affection. Dwight, wary of a prank by Jim (remembering the Benjamin Franklin prank from earlier) snubs Ryoko and gives her the cold shoulder. Ryoko, dejected, returns to the TV. Dwight only realizing she was the real Ryoko after it's too late to prevent her departure. Jim mugs as he records over the Tenchi Muyo VHS with an episode of Street Sharks. Taffy Jr. fucked around with this message at 15:52 on Feb 21, 2024 |
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Feb 21, 2024 15:49
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Jim uses the device from the 1996 comedy film The Nutty Professor to bring his alter ego, Jimmy Smooth, to life. Unfortunately, Jim's utter lack of scientific knowledge instead splits him into 6 different identities, most of whom just look like him in a fat suit. One also looks like Jim in a fat suit but as a woman. Dwight finds the entire situation pretty exhausting, especially a dinner scene where all of the Jims get together and chant "HERCULES! HERCULES! HERCULES!" while eating massive quantities of food.
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Feb 21, 2024 16:00
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Jim uses the device from the 1996 documentary Kazaam to summon Shaquille O’Neal to kick Dwight repeatedly in the balls.
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Feb 21, 2024 16:11
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Jim uses the device from the 2023 biopic Oppenheimer to destroy Scranton.
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Feb 21, 2024 16:35
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Jim brings the Street Sharks to life and pays them to break Dwight's legs.
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Feb 21, 2024 17:13
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Jim quickly gets bored of the Street Sharks and abandons them. Lacking any skills or knowledge of the modern world, and looking like weird scary monsters, they quickly find themselves living, ironically, on the streets. Dwight, despite having been beaten up by them recently, takes the Street Sharks in and puts them up in one of his many homeless shelters. Their “extreme attitude” and voracious appetite for meat quickly exhausts Dwight.
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Feb 21, 2024 17:42
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Jim, jealous of what Jim perceives to be Dwight's friendship with the Street Sharks, brings the Biker Mice From Mars (from the television series of the same name, Biker Mice From Mars 1993-1996) to life and commands the radical mice to be his (Jim's) friend so as to make Dwight jealous. However, the Biker Mice From Mars spit on Jim and call him a "fascist" before speeding away on their cool motorcycles, spraying Jim with gravel as they peel out of the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot. Jim becomes enraged and vows revenge against Dwight for stealing the affections of both the Street Sharks and the Biker Mice From Mars.
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Feb 21, 2024 20:14
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Jim brings the Cowboys of Moo Mesa to life in order to round up and finally win over "those traitors" the Biker Mice from Mars, and "Dwight's new best friends" the Street Sharks. Unfortunately for Jim, even the anthropomorphic Western-themed cows find Jim to be "lame" and "derivative of better shows", and leave him behind in a huff.
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Feb 21, 2024 20:27
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Scranton, now overrun with 90's cartoon characters come to life, must take drastic measures to address the situation and agrees to sell the characters to an intergalactic theme park as mascots. Dwight finds himself embroiled in a "Space Jam," scenario and is forced to participate in a basketball game that will determine the fate of the Street Sharks, the Biker Mice From Mars, and the Cowboys of Moo Mesa. While Dwight (dressed in an anime shirt and face protector) is on the court, with seconds left on the clock and the entire game hanging on this shot, Jim runs up behind Dwight and pulls down Dwight's basketball shorts in front of everyone in Scranton, exposing Dwight's comically oversized heart-patterned boxers. Dwight naturally misses the shot and dozens of beloved cartoon characters are shipped off to Moron Mountain to live out the rest of their lives as slaves. Stanley "Secret Weapon" Hudson must be taken to the hospital.
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Feb 21, 2024 21:43
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On the dunder Mifflin playground, Dwight is digging a hole to china in the sandbox when he becomes aware of a floppy shadow on the ground beside him. He looks up to see Jim the bully. "Hey foureyes, I bet you can't spell icup!" Jim says, mockingly. Dwight's face flushes red. He doesn't know where this is going, but he knows it's bad news. "I... C... U... uhh, ...P? Oh no, oh god no..." The playground erupts in laughter. Michael is doubled over, and even Dwight's crush Angela can't help but snicker. Dwight's eyes well with tears as he rises and rushes away, lest anyone see him cry. Dwight leaps into his V8 charger and peels out of the parking lot. He didn't think it was possible for this year's dunder Mifflin company recess to be worse than last year's but he was sadly proven wrong.
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Feb 21, 2024 21:49
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Jim uses the syringe from the 1996 film Trainspotting to inject Dwight with, and addict him to, heroin.
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Feb 22, 2024 02:18
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Jim uses the mutagen from the 1987 television show Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to turn Hooty the Hoot Owl (Dwight’s grandfather, swapped out in a prior prank) into an anthropomorphic half-man, half-owl, muscle-bound crime fighter. Jim also lives in the sewers below Scranton and eats loads of pizza, but this is unrelated to a prank.
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Feb 22, 2024 03:46
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Jim uses the cane from the 1941 film Citizen Kane to beat Dwight mercilessly until Dwight is forced to flee up a tree and remain there all night while Jim prowls below.
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Feb 22, 2024 04:31
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Jim uses the PKE meter from the 1984 movie Ghostbusters to detect persistent psychomagnetheric energy around Dwight and rushes up one afternoon to shove it up his rear end. The wings extend on it and it beeps incessantly as it becomes unremovable.
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Feb 22, 2024 04:52
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Jim uses John Wilkes Booth's gun from the 1915 silent epic drama The Birth of a Nation to frame Dwight as a white supremacist when Jim plants the gun in Dwight's holster.
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Feb 22, 2024 05:16
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Jim uses the chimpanzee from the 1996 movie Dunston Checks In to surprise Dwight in the men's room. Dunston flips the gently caress out and bites Dwight directly on the dick.
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Feb 22, 2024 05:17
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Crescent Wrench posted:Jim uses the syringe from the 1996 film Trainspotting to inject Dwight with, and addict him to, heroin. Some months later Jim replaces the heroin in Dwight's syringe with naloxone, causing him (Dwight) to immediately experience incredibly painful withdrawal symptoms upon shooting up.
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Feb 22, 2024 05:32
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Taffy Jr. posted:Jim uses the chimpanzee from the 1996 movie Dunston Checks In to surprise Dwight in the men's room. Dunston flips the gently caress out and bites Dwight directly on the dick. Dwight winces, and gasps back in a high-pitched voice to Jim that Dunston wasn’t a chimpanzee, but an orangutan. At that moment, a stream of urine begins to trickle on Dwight’s head. He looks up, only to get a mouthful of piss from the orangutan in the rafters, the true Dunston.
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Feb 22, 2024 08:45
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Jim uses Mark Wahlberg's prosthetic penis from Boogie Nights to disguise himself as a Street Shark, by glueing it to the top of his head like a fin. Toby, intimidated by the display, gives him a corporate gift of Alec Baldwin’s watch from Glengarry, Glen Ross. Jim delivers the “A B C” (Always Be Cpranking) speech to the office while wearing both.
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Feb 22, 2024 13:34
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Jim and Dwight dress up as pro baseball players Rollie Fingers and Tug McGraw, so as to remain topical and current
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Feb 22, 2024 14:18
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Jim uses the mask from the movie The Mask to disguise his identity when he replaces Dwight’s keyboard with a bear trap.
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Feb 22, 2024 14:40
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Pam comes home from a paint and sip class (she did a little more sipping than painting, to be honest) to find Jim sitting at the dining room table, his eyes red-rimmed as if he'd been crying. He looks at Pam, his lip quivering, and asks her to sit down. "Pam, I think... I think maybe I did something really bad." "What, Jim? Did you put Dwight's stapler in some jell-o again?" Pam asks with a drunken laugh. "No, Pam. Listen, please. Is... is something wrong with me? Like, really wrong? I have these ideas sometimes that other people find weird or scary. Nobody in the office likes me, I realize that, but I still try and get their attention. I'm constantly acting out, sometimes like a literal child, and for what? Dwight barely tolerates me and he likes EVERYONE. Jesus, that guy's a loving saint and what do I do? I prank him, constantly, and make jokes about his weight and his face. What the hell is wrong with me, Pam? Why am I like this?" Pam, now feeling as sober as she's ever been, simply stares at her husband. "And that's just scratching the surface, Pam. Sometimes I worry that I'm broken in some fundamental way, something that can't be fixed. Even if I acknowledge I have a problem it won't matter, because they won't be able to fix me. So I'll just keep pranking Dwight, except now I'll KNOW it's wrong. And where does that lead us? I don't want to think about it, I really don't, because it scares the hell out of me." Suddenly, there's a light tapping noise at the basement door. Pam looks over at it. "Jim, what's in the basement?" "I like things normal people don't like, I do things normal people don't. But who decides what's normal? Why did Mars Needs Moms flop at the box office, Pam? I saw it 6 times in theaters. Six loving times. It gets better every time, but nobody else likes it. Why? Why am I the only person who can see how brilliant the movie is? What chemical imbalance in my brain makes me this way?" The tapping on the basement door turns into a heavy knocking now. "Jim," Pam says, slowly standing up from the table, "I think we need to unlock the basement door. And then, I think, we should go for a nice walk." Jim looks up at Pam, quizzically, with tears in his eyes. "You're not going to tell anybody this, are you? Crazy ol' Jim Halpert, oh, I can see the headlines now. Local paper salesman committed to insane asylum for prank addiction." "No, Jim. I'm not telling anyone. I love you. I just think we need to open the basement door right now and get some fresh air. What do you think?" "Yeah," Jim says, wiping his eyes, "you're right. Let me just wash my hands real quick, okay?" Pam looks at Jim's hands for the first time and notices that they're stained red. She starts slowly walking to the front door. "Of course, Jim. Hey, I forgot my sunglasses in the car. I'm going to run outside and grab them real quick, okay?" Jim doesn't hear her over the running water from the sink as he washes his hands. Pam runs to the front door, opens it, and rushes into her car. The engine won't start, though, and Pam frantically turns the key again and again. The engine sputters again and again but doesn't start, and Pam sees Jim walking towards her from the front door. "Pam? Pam-a-lam? Did you find your sunglasses?" Jim asks in an oddly emotionless voice. "Oh, uh, yeah. Here they are!" "Cool. Well, come on. You wanted me to open the basement door, right?" Pam considers running for a moment but realizes it's futile. Jim's oddly long legs make him deceptively fast and, besides that, where's she going to go? Jim will find her, he always does, and she'll end up right where she was. Pam follows Jim into the kitchen and up to the basement door. The noises have stopped now. "Jim, we really don't have to open the basement. The noises stopped. It's fine." "Nah," Jim says, still utterly cold and emotionless, "no use putting it off any more. Remember how I said I did something really bad? Well, I wasn't lying. It's just, heh, it's just kind of funny, really. All these years of pranking Dwight, you'd think I'd run out of ideas. I guess not." Jim fumbles with the basement key for a moment, then puts it in the doorknob, unlocks it with a click, and slowly opens the door. There's nothing on the steps but Pam notices an odd, vinegary smell. The basement itself is pitch black and Jim puts a hand on the small of Pam's back to lead her downstairs. "C'mon, Pam. Don't you wanna see it?" Despite herself, Pam DOES want to see. As much as she hates to admit it, there's a part of her that loves the pranks, too. Because when Dwight's getting pranked, well, that means she's not. She gets to be one of the cool kids, at least for a while, and that's pretty great. No more faking her period to get out of gym class, oh no, not any more. A shiver runs up her spine at the memory and at the realization that she wants more than anything to see what kind of prank Jim has played on Dwight. "Look, over there! In the corner. Do you see?" Pam leans in but doesn't see anything. "Jim, I don't... I don't see him." "Give it a second. Let your eyes adjust to the light. Trust me." Pam's eyes slowly adjust, just like Jim said. He's actually a pretty insightful person, Pam thinks, and he cares so much. Sure, he has his quirks, but what husband doesn't? At least he's not on drugs, or into gambling, or cheating on her. A few pranks every now and then? That's small potatoes. And then Pam sees Dwight, transformed into something beyond flesh and bone, huddled and quivering in the corner. She gasps and looks at Jim for guidance. "Pretty funny, right?" Jim says, mugging at Pam. "Oh yeah," Pam says, mugging right back at her husband. "That's really funny! I love you, babe." "Love you right back, Pam." Jim and Pam embrace in the wet darkness of the Halpert basement.
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Feb 22, 2024 14:51
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Jim uses the cockroaches from the 1996 comedy smash hit Joe's Apartment to throw a wild party in Dwight's house. Jim also releases several hundred of his own hissing cockroaches into Dwight's carpets and mattress for good measure.
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Feb 22, 2024 16:07
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Dwight wakes up and finds himself strapped to a chair in a dark basement. Jim, wearing medical scrubs and a pair of goggles, stands near him. "Shhhh, it's okay," Jim says in a soothing voice, "we're just going to do a little... exploratory surgery." Over the next 18 hours Jim carves into Dwight's skull and prods, pokes, and cuts at what he finds inside. Dwight is completely awake for the entire horrific procedure, each time he passes out Jim quickly wakes him up by splashing cold water all over him. Every so often, Jim asks Dwight a question, as if he's studying the effects of his surgery. "Do you think the Minions are funny?" "Hae you ever wanted to sleep in a race car?" "What's the best kind of pizza?" Dwight keeps answering, hoping that this keeps Jim's insane mind at bay. But Dwight can tell something is wrong; as the horrific day turns to hellish night he can feel parts of his mind changing, slipping away. As Jim finishes his demonic work, he wraps Dwight's head with a bandage. "Okay, buddy. Big question time. What do you think of Mars Needs Moms? And be honest, trust me, it's the only way out of this." Dwight says that it's a horrifically animated movie that shows Robert Zemeckis is too focused on technical innovation rather than telling a coherent story, let alone creating a compelling world and characters. Jim then sighs and shoots Dwight in the head. "Another failure," Jim says to himself as he wheels Dwight to a dark corner of the basement, then dumps him out of his chair. "What am I doing wrong?" A swinging light bulb reveals hundreds of bodies piled around the basement, all of them in mustard yellow shirts. All of them also have obvious damage to their skulls. Jim wanders back to another corner of the basement and eyes up a glowing blue capsule about the size of a tanning bed. "One more Dwight clone, computer. Maybe this time it'll work." The machine spits out a nude, hairless copy of Dwight. Jim drags it on to the same chair that housed the previous clone, then moves it over to the operating area. Dwight wakes up and finds himself strapped to a chair in a dark basement. Jim, wearing medical scrubs and a pair of goggles, stands near him. "Shhhh, it's okay," Jim says in a soothing voice, "we're just going to do a little... exploratory surgery."
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Feb 22, 2024 20:05
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"Neener neener neener, I just touched your peener!" Jim capers around Dwight while Dwight is trying to work. Jim reaches down, evading Dwight's attempts to swat him away, and pokes Dwight in the crotch. "Neener neener neener, I just touched your peener!" Jim cackles, once again dancing nimbly out of Dwight's reach. "Neener neener neener, I just—" This time Dwight is ready for Jim, roughly grabbing Jim's wrist with a grip like a vice and twisting his arm. Jim lets out a piteous wail and wrenches his hand away, stumbling backward and falling on his rear end. Dwight is on his feet in an instant, he towers over Jim, fist raised and fury in his eyes. Jim cowers away from Dwight, squealing and sobbing. "I-I'm s-sorry okay? It was just a joke!" Jim sobs, tears running down his cheeks and snot dripping from his nose like a faucet. Dwight takes a menacing step closer to Jim and Jim cries out in terror, wailing even louder. Jim throws his twig-like arms up to shield his face from the anticipated rain of blows. "I'm sorry!" Jim screeches. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Dwight sees to his disgust that Jim has soiled himself, a wet patch of urine spreads across the front of Jim's pants and the stench of feces fills the air. "I'll stop!" Jim sobs. "I promise I'll never do it again! Just don't hit me!" Dwight takes a deep breath and lowers his fist. Jim sobs quietly on the floor lying in his own filth. After a few seconds of deep breaths, Dwight returns to his work. Dwight has been back at work for less then a minute when Jim's hand snakes in under Dwight's arm and pokes Dwight directly on the penis. "Neener neener neener! I just touched your peener!" giggles Jim, laughing and capering once more as Dwight rages.
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Feb 22, 2024 20:47
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Jim uses the Flute of Awakenings to summon forth Terraflax the Devourer, one of the 7 gods of ancient Scranton. "Go forth, Terraflax, and eat your fill of the Schute-man's beets! Eat heartily, devour his crops, and then return to me!" Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight gazes upon the cruel god-thing and is instantly driven insane. "Plus all his beets are gone! Cha-ching!" Jim says with a smile.
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Feb 22, 2024 20:55
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Jim uses the Flute of Awakenings to give Dwight an erection in the middle of an important group presentation.
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Feb 22, 2024 20:57
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Jim uses the Flute of Awakenings to keep waking Dwight up on Sunday night. Angela asks if he has a case of the "Sunday scaries" and Dwight says that he must. Dwight, who doesn't actually care about work all that much any more, worries that he's overstressed in the office. In the bushes outside, Jim uses the Flute of Awakenings to give himself an erection.
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Feb 22, 2024 21:00
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Jim uses the Flute of Slumber to ruin Dwight's erections whenever Dwight is about to get intimate with Angela.
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Feb 22, 2024 21:04
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Jim uses the Flute of Erections to give Dwight a double erection.
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Feb 22, 2024 21:05
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A Fancy Hat posted:Dwight wakes up and finds himself strapped to a chair in a dark basement. Jim, wearing medical scrubs and a pair of goggles, stands near him. If the computer is generating nude Dwight’s, then where are all the mustard yellow shirts on these corpses coming from?
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Feb 22, 2024 21:14
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poisonpill posted:If the computer is generating nude Dwight’s, then where are all the mustard yellow shirts on these corpses coming from? "Chips!" Jim screeches as he finishes dumping another Dwight in the corner of the basement. "CHIIIIIIPS!" Chips waddles over looking exhausted and holding a sewing needle and some mustard yellow thread. "Hey buddy, I know you're tired, but you need to keep up with sewing these shirts for my Dwight clones, okay?" "Oook oook oook," Chips says, wiping his brow and heading back towards his corner of the basement. "Oook!" "You said it, pal," Jim says, wiping his own brow and finding some brain matter has matted itself in his hair.
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Feb 22, 2024 21:17
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| # ? May 28, 2024 13:21 |
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"What is a good alternative to imgur for image hosting?" Asked Jim, plotting a prank.
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Feb 22, 2024 21:55
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