r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

DangerDongs posted:

Men, for better or worse, get a little more leeway when the hose sprays haphazardly (2 AM morning wood), especially from other guys.
For a woman to hit the toilet seat, I would imagine she is doing some crazy hover technique to not hit the seat. That, or she wasn't at the toilet to begin with.

I can tell that you've never been to a club with unisex bathrooms, cause let me tell you, girls don't need to do "some crazy hover technique" to piss all over the seat, just the "normal" hover technique under the influence of alcohol is enough.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:28

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# ? May 31, 2024 00:48

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Men drunkenly piss like this, while women drunkenly piss like this...

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:30

Fatty: Sep 13, 2004; Not really fat

mystes posted:

The best comment from that is

quote:

As an autistic girl I have been on two dates with guys where I wasnt sure if it was a date.
The first guy this happened with I genuinely had no idea he had asked me out, I thought we were just hanging out as mates and I talked a lot about my relationship with my bf about half way through the 'date'. I just totally missed every signal.
The second guy, I asked him out but wasnt sure if he was into me (he is super shy) so after our 'date' I text him and asked him if he had thought that was an actual date. he said yes and we have been married 10 years now.
You have nothing to lose really and quite a lot to gain.
Let us know how it goes and just be yourself on your date

My eye automatically just read the bolded part first and the lack of punctuation makes it loving terrifying.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:32

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Men drunkenly piss like this, while women drunkenly piss like this...

Women drunkenly piss like men do all the time.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:42

DangerDongs: Nov 7, 2010; Grimey Drawer

Boy is there egg on my face, because I've never seen it. If I have, I'd must have assumed the culprit was one of the guys in the group.
I feel incomplete now =(

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:45

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Lemniscate Blue posted:

Women drunkenly piss like men do all the time.

Imagine I posted the shocked Pikachu face just getting bigger and bigger.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:53

The Alchemist: Dec 12, 2010

I've pissed almost daily ever since I was a wee lad, and I still havent quite figured out the controls

# ? Feb 27, 2024 21:57

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

DangerDongs posted:

Boy is there egg on my face, because I've never seen it. If I have, I'd must have assumed the culprit was one of the guys in the group.
I feel incomplete now =(

This was like 15 years ago. A friend and I used to go to the Christmas concert at the local church (she used to sing in the choir), then we would drink coffee and just hang out somewhere until noon, then we'd go home and spend the rest of the day with our families.

Anyway, so we were at this caf� this Christmas, it's almost noon, and they were about to close. I thought I'd just use the bathroom before we leave. This well-dressed older lady came out of the bathroom and saw me going in, and was like :stare:

. I went in and saw that the seat was just covered in yellow piss. For some reason I started to wipe everything down in a panic. Maybe I didn't want the caf� staff to think it was me or something, I don't know.

I told my friend about this when I came out, and she was like "ah yes, she must've been doing the hover and missed."

# ? Feb 27, 2024 22:04

Professor Wayne: Aug 27, 2008; So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?

They actually let him keep it.

Tinkle belles are my least favorite christmas tradition

# ? Feb 27, 2024 22:23

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

John Wick of Dogs posted:

Learning a language in secret to surprise someone is so stupid. I almost feel like it's an invasion of privacy.

the hell? People are usually pleasantly surprised by it, at least when they aren't secretly using it to poo poo-talk their SO in public.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 22:39

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I [33f] hate my sister [26f] so much

quote:

My sister is just so perfect it's loving annoying to be around her. Everything she does works out well for her. Every time I see her it's like she's rubbing her perfect life in my face and it.

I'm a divorced single mother struggling to get by, and she's a loving housewife married to this amazing man. She doesn't even want kids, she just sits at home doing nothing, and everyone acts like she's a brilliant person for it. I always want to say she's not, she's just lazy, letting herself be taken care of by a man she doesn't even have children with.

Everyone treats her like she's so fragile because she's got some bullshit "chronic illness". Her husband goes on like he's so proud of her if she gets out of loving bed, it's ridiculous. Our whole family and everyone who knows her thinks she's an amazing person, so kind and nice, wanting to help people. It makes me so angry listening to everyone harp on about her, telling me how proud I should be. We had a kitchen fire a few months ago and she insisted that me and my kids went to stay with her. I didn't want to but she just wouldn't take no for an answer, she was even trying to get me to let her and her husband help pay for the repairs. Even my ex-husband was saying how nice it was of her. She just did it so she can hold it over me .

I just hate her so much. My kids are always asking to see her and it just pisses me off so much seeing her acting like the cool, fun aunt.

tldr - I hate my sister and I want to punch her every time I'm around her

If nothing else a creative writing exercise to see what one of these looks like from the other side.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 22:42

CitizenKain: May 27, 2001; That was Gary Cooper, asshole.; Nap Ghost

Pope Corky the IX posted:

The worst part is trying to convince someone that drunk that where they're pissing is most certainly not the toilet. Or anywhere near the bathroom.

Ah yes, one of my roommates in college. Glad it wasn't our room at least.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 22:49

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Shanghaied posted:

I can tell that you've never been to a club with unisex bathrooms, cause let me tell you, girls don't need to do "some crazy hover technique" to piss all over the seat, just the "normal" hover technique under the influence of alcohol is enough.

Hovering while you pee at all isn't even acceptable. You can't get diseases from sitting on a toilet seat. Hovering is a pansy move. Sit on the drat toilet like an adult. Gah. This drives me nuts.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:00

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

*sitting in someone else's piss* It's not gross, in fact it's more sanitary than the toilet seat underneath it!

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:12

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

Shanghaied posted:

, girls don't need to do "some crazy hover technique" to piss all over the seat, just the "normal" hover technique ~~under the influence of alcohol~~ by itself with no outside complications whatever is enough.

ftfy

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:17

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

Scathach posted:

Hovering while you pee at all isn't even acceptable. You can't get diseases from sitting on a toilet seat. Hovering is a pansy move. Sit on the drat toilet like an adult. Gah. This drives me nuts.

people are animals and will just poo poo on the toilet seat because their drunk and think its funny and im not trusting people payed 7.50$ an hour to disinfect that because if i was payed 7.50 and hour to clean up after the public ide cut every corner.

That said the she wee is the go to move. my sister has a metal washable one

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:18

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Cythereal posted:

I [33f] hate my sister [26f] so much

If nothing else a creative writing exercise to see what one of these looks like from the other side.

This attitude towards chronic illness is very true and common though, people think we can just bootstrap our way out of it, and if we don't, it means we just have lovely character.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:23

Ayndin: Mar 13, 2010

SulfurMonoxideCute posted:

I'd be first in line to get a child a dog toy because these rules about what is made for what are actually arbitrary and dont mean anything. Which is why I've bought many little stuffies intended for children for my cat, he prefers them to be bigger than most standard cat toys because he loves to grab and kick with his back feet. And working at a gift shop at a zoo for years, I got a decent discount. But there would always be some coworker who said it was weird, why not just buy him cat toys like a normal person?

Because I can do whatever I want, Brenda.

My parents got me a Jar Jar Binks plush shortly after episode 1 came out as a joke, and I used it as an extended fan pull via a noose (please excuse my dumb edgelordiness). Once I moved after college I just sorta kept it around, not on a fan, and it eventually found its true purpose as my first cat�s second favorite toy. His first is the plush carrot he still, 15 years later, holds in his mouth while meowing to let me know that he caught it and his accomplishment should be recognized.

Some pet toys are cute as hell, too. My parents recently got their dog a plush volcano full of plush tyrannosauruses. Five year old me, obsessed with dinosaurs like any sensible child, would have been absolutely over the moon to get that.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:25

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

snergle posted:

people are animals and will just poo poo on the toilet seat because their drunk and think its funny and im not trusting people payed 7.50$ an hour to disinfect that because if i was payed 7.50 and hour to clean up after the public ide cut every corner.

That said the she wee is the go to move. my sister has a metal washable one

It wouldn't be a problem if everyone would just sit down. But since no one believes anyone else would sit down, they don't sit down either. Poop and piss gets on the seat, and now no one can sit down and more poop and piss get on the seats.

I call this the Pisser's Dilemma. I'm currently awaiting my Nobel Prize in Economics.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:33

Jen heir rick: Aug 4, 2004; when a woman says something's not funny, you better not laugh your ass off

Shanghaied posted:

It wouldn't be a problem if everyone would just sit down. But since no one believes anyone else would sit down, they don't sit down either. Poop and piss gets on the seat, and now no one can sit down and more poop and piss get on the seats.

I call this the Pisser's Dilemma. I'm currently awaiting my Nobel Prize in Economics.

I think they call this the "Tragedy of the common toilet".

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:46

mystes: May 31, 2006

Jen heir rick posted:

I think they call this the "Tragedy of the common toilet".

the tragedy of the commodes

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:47

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

The golden child lost all my parent's money in crypto.

quote:

I don't want to say I'm happy right now. It's more of an "I told you so" moment. I don't get along with my family. My parents are narcissists and dealing with them is a massive dramatic headache. My sister is fine, I guess, she's just so dramatic. The worst of them is my older brother. My parents have never used the word "no" around him and treat him as if he is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ himself. The only one I get along with is my grandpa because he's just as annoyed at this mess of a family as I am.

My parents have always treated my room temperature IQ brother as if he was a genius. He dropped out of college after he got caught cheating, but my mother actually believes it was because the uni didn't challenge him enough so he ended up stealing an answer key to a final. After he got kicked out he started day trading with a few thousand my parents gave him. He made an ok amount of money from it, less than 12$ an hour if he had a real job. Because of this, they ended up trusting him with their entire savings accounts. Me and grandpa warned them so many times that this was the dumbest idea on the face of the earth but every time it because a hugely dramatic ordeal so we both gave up.

Well, I found out today that my parents have lost everything. I've known things at home (where my brother lives still) have been tense for a few months, but I thought it was just another bipolar tantrum from my mom. Turns out though, golden boy lost nearly 90% of my parent's savings + retirement in crypto. He convinced them to invest it all in crypto at the beginning of the year. One market crash and a rug pull later it's all gone. Mom's been trying to hide the fact from me and my sister to save golden child the embarrassment of it all but the second grandpa found out he called me laughing.

I don't know what to feel. They made their bed, and now they can sleep in it but gently caress this is going to be a dramatic nightmare sooner than later.

LOL, LMAO.

Grandpa owns.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:53

420 Gank Mid: Dec 26, 2008; WARNING: This poster is a huge bitch!

FMguru posted:

I cheated with, stole, and then married my brother's girlfriend, shattering my extended family and compelling multiple siblings to go NC with me. After ten years I'm starting to feel some of the consequences of my actions - what's the absolute bare minimum I need to do to make everything better, so long as it doesn't me taking responsibility for my own actions? Help me, Reddit!

You can't steal a woman because they aren't property.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:53

Bonster: Mar 3, 2007; Keep rolling, rolling

Shanghaied posted:

I can tell that you've never been to a club with unisex bathrooms, cause let me tell you, girls don't need to do "some crazy hover technique" to piss all over the seat, just the "normal" hover technique under the influence of alcohol is enough.

Yeah, but most people who lack a penis don't hover on residential toilets. You just sit.

I did have a drunk friend who managed to not realize the lid was down, peed on the lid and then passed out on the floor. That followed her for a while.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 23:54

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Midnight Voyager posted:

the hell? People are usually pleasantly surprised by it, at least when they aren't secretly using it to poo poo-talk their SO in public.

I think people are pleasantly surprised if you tell them you are learning a language of theirs and show your commitment to the relationship. But if you're learning it in secret and ask if a sudden start speaking it to surprise them I think the reaction is going to be "How long have you known this language? Have you been listening in on my conversations?" Etc

Also to learn a language in secret your can't just download Duolingo. To really gain any proficiency your are going to have to practice with a partner, take an actual class, it takes a lot of time. If you are doing all that in secret it's going to be obvious you are keeping some kind of weird secret and make people uneasy about what you are hiding.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 00:37

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

FMguru posted:

The golden child lost all my parent's money in crypto.

LOL, LMAO.

Grandpa owns.

its even better in the comments, it's not the like son bought all BTC or ETH he apparently went almost all in on some obscure coin thinking he was getting in on the ground floor but that coin was just set up for a short term pump and dump.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 00:41

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

John Wick of Dogs posted:

I think people are pleasantly surprised if you tell them you are learning a language of theirs and show your commitment to the relationship. But if you're learning it in secret and ask if a sudden start speaking it to surprise them I think the reaction is going to be "How long have you known this language? Have you been listening in on my conversations?" Etc

Also to learn a language in secret your can't just download Duolingo. To really gain any proficiency your are going to have to practice with a partner, take an actual class, it takes a lot of time. If you are doing all that in secret it's going to be obvious you are keeping some kind of weird secret and make people uneasy about what you are hiding.

They don't usually learn it to be fluent, they learn it to some basic degree until they can make some kind of surprise gesture with it and go open with it.

If I am speaking to someone in another language, it's not with the intention to exclude someone else from understanding it, so "have you been listening in on my conversations?" would never remotely cross my mind. I'm not hiding anything and I am speaking in the same room as someone else, I have no problem with someone else in the room understanding me. If I had a problem, I'd go out of the room with other people.

pentyne posted:

its even better in the comments, it's not the like son bought all BTC or ETH he apparently went almost all in on some obscure coin thinking he was getting in on the ground floor but that coin was just set up for a short term pump and dump.

of course it was

# ? Feb 28, 2024 00:43

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Midnight Voyager posted:

They don't usually learn it to be fluent, they learn it to some basic degree until they can make some kind of surprise gesture with it and go open with it.

If I am speaking to someone in another language, it's not with the intention to exclude someone else from understanding it, so "have you been listening in on my conversations?" would never remotely cross my mind. I'm not hiding anything and I am speaking in the same room as someone else, I have no problem with someone else in the room understanding me. If I had a problem, I'd go out of the room with other people.

of course it was

You're normal though. The people in these stories always reveal a high level of proficiency and actually have been listening in on things

# ? Feb 28, 2024 00:48

Karl Hungus: Sep 28, 2001; Mine dispatcher says there's something wrong mitt deine kable.; Nap Ghost

[quote="trickybiscuits" post="538037390"]
[b]My (22F) boyfriend (31M) has become obsessed with a book and it�s tearing us apart

https://suntup.press/blood-meridian/

This dipshit could easily blow $10-20k if he got wind of Suntup.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 00:50

Jen heir rick: Aug 4, 2004; when a woman says something's not funny, you better not laugh your ass off

mystes posted:

the tragedy of the commodes

oh that's way better.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 01:27

Pomme de Terror: Sep 30, 2021; Well, one of us must have killed him!

AITA for not letting my struggling friend move into my the empty second bedroom of my new apartment?

quote:

New here. After years of working and saving, I 27(F) finally have enough to rent a 2-bedroom apartment in the city. After moving out of home, I had always lived with housemates but now I finally get to live by myself for the first time which I am really excited about.

I have a friend 27(M) who I�ve known for years. I only moved in last week and he came over to hang out and see the place. He saw the empty spare bedroom and asked what I was going to do with it. I said I don�t know, maybe extra storage, guest bedroom, study room, who knows.

For context, my friend has been living in a share house for two years now and has been vocal about not liking it. Nothing truly bad, but he just doesn�t really know the other people he�s living with, it�s an older building with a lot of issues, and he just says he doesn�t like it.

Fast forward to a week later, and he comes to me and says, �hey, I�ve spoken to a few other friends and they�ve all said you�re being really selfish here.� I had no idea what he was talking about. He said that because I didn�t offer him my second bedroom to move into, I was being selfish and because I know about his current living situation, I should�ve offered because it would be of help to him.

Reasons why are that I am so excited to finally live on my own and have a place to myself. He and I were almost going to live together years ago but we had such a big fight over the littlest things that I vowed to never live with him ever but continue being his friend, of course.Now, because of all his friends and some of our mutual ones are telling me I�m selfish for not giving him the bedroom, I�m torn.

He said he is willing to pay rent and half share on bills, but I just really want a place to myself. AITA?

EDIT: thank you for all your responses! It has really, really helped me put things into perspective and am deciding I'll at least have a chat with my friend, but I'm thinking since this isn't the first time he's acted similarly, it might be best to end it. A few friends might be coming around to see my side of things. I'm actually having a housewarming in a week so we'll so how it is then. Thank you!

EDIT: I've spoken to our mutual friends to give my side, and they've apologised and said they were told a very different story. As for my ex-friend, he's out and that's it. I'm going plant shopping tomorrow with my friends to finish up my new place. Thanks guys for helping me see the light!

The rest of a second story wasn't worthwhile so I'm not posting it, but I did laugh at this line in the intro

quote:

Sorry for poor english. I am not smart.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 01:34

Lemniscate Blue: Apr 21, 2006; Here we go again.

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITA for not letting my struggling friend move into my the empty second bedroom of my new apartment?

I'm a little curious what the story the thwarted freeloader told to their mutual friends was.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 02:51

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Gotta love the audacity of not even asking, just getting mad it wasn�t even offered

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:00

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

Shanghaied posted:

It wouldn't be a problem if everyone would just sit down. But since no one believes anyone else would sit down, they don't sit down either. Poop and piss gets on the seat, and now no one can sit down and more poop and piss get on the seats.

I call this the Pisser's Dilemma. I'm currently awaiting my Nobel Prize in Economics.

but if you sit down you'll be caught flatfooted when the urinal guy breaks cover

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:01

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

The Maroon Hawk posted:

Gotta love the audacity of not even asking, just getting mad it wasn’t even offered

Hey, he was willing to pay rent, can't beat generosity like that!

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:07

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Guess the age

WIBTA if I insist on choosing the restaurant my family takes me to for my birthday ?

quote:

Usually my mom will take me for dinner on my bday with some other family members. I went vegan before my last bday and when my bday came around, my mom announced she was taking me for dinner to a certain restaurant she chose. I was a little surprised because in the past I would typically pick the restaurant, just like she would pick the restaurant to go to for her bday. She reassured me there was lots of vegan options.

When we got to dinner there really was hardly any vegan options and tbh the food I ordered was not that good. My cousin came with us and made some comments to the server about how my vegan order didn�t really have to be vegan since it�s �a choice and not an allergy� and then she rolled her eyes at me. My mom had brought a vegan cake to the restaurant which was really nice of her, she gave it to the staff when we arrived but when they brought it out at the end of the meal they had plates the cake slices with dairy whip cream and chocolate sauce (both not vegan items). My cousin and mom were annoyed that I wouldn�t just try to scrape what I could off.

Anyways it just was not really a great experience and my bday is coming up again and I�m debating to put my food down and just insist that I pick a vegan restaurant. I know one that the food is not �typical vegan� and I know they will find the food very tasty, as I know their food preferences quite well. The restaurant is also very reasonably priced and easy to get to.

For context I try really hard not to be an annoying vegan, I never harass people or expect people to make special food for me or anything like that. It�s just it�s my bday and a milestone one this year, and I kind of just want a meal I can enjoy. I have friends and family who follow a keto diet or religious belief diet or gluten free; I have never once tried to make them feel guilty or stupid for their choices. What you eat is a personal, and this is how I eat.

My mom also just has this tendency to be self centred and preoccupied in general, and she pouts and complains when she doesn�t get her way. So beyond even the veganism thing, I did kind it hurtful last year that she essentially chose a place that she knew she would like.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:18

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Am I wrong for canceling our wedding?

quote:

We have been engaged for 3 years. My fiance went on a trip of a lifetime 6 weeks in Europe. She decided that we would take a break in our relationship allowing me no input in the decision. I called her the day she left and had me blocked, so I canceled our marriage and her moving in with me in March.

She called me today to inform me of her arrival time on Thursday morning. To which I answered what does that have to do with me. And have since blocked her.

Short and sweet Peteout.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:20

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

pentyne posted:

its even better in the comments, it's not the like son bought all BTC or ETH he apparently went almost all in on some obscure coin thinking he was getting in on the ground floor but that coin was just set up for a short term pump and dump.

The secret to investment: do it with other people's money.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:20

Gadzuko: Feb 14, 2005

John Wick of Dogs posted:

I think people are pleasantly surprised if you tell them you are learning a language of theirs and show your commitment to the relationship. But if you're learning it in secret and ask if a sudden start speaking it to surprise them I think the reaction is going to be "How long have you known this language? Have you been listening in on my conversations?" Etc

Also to learn a language in secret your can't just download Duolingo. To really gain any proficiency your are going to have to practice with a partner, take an actual class, it takes a lot of time. If you are doing all that in secret it's going to be obvious you are keeping some kind of weird secret and make people uneasy about what you are hiding.

John Wick of Dogs posted:

You're normal though. The people in these stories always reveal a high level of proficiency and actually have been listening in on things

Nah, this stuff is way easier than you are making it out to be. A few weeks of casual practice on any language app will get you to the point where you can understand sentences like "he/she/it is a dummy" just by Googling the single unfamiliar word. You can absolutely learn a language entirely on the apps these days, you won't have the proficiency of a native speaker but you don't need that in order to ask someone to pass the salad.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:43

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# ? May 31, 2024 00:48

mystes: May 31, 2006

Gadzuko posted:

Nah, this stuff is way easier than you are making it out to be. A few weeks of casual practice on any language app will get you to the point where you can understand sentences like "he/she/it is a dummy" just by Googling the single unfamiliar word. You can absolutely learn a language entirely on the apps these days, you won't have the proficiency of a native speaker but you don't need that in order to ask someone to pass the salad.

well at least it will get you to the point where you think you're hearing "he is a dummy"

# ? Feb 28, 2024 03:45

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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