STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > STAR TREK: Picard's Assimilated Balls

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

it was just to give keiko something to do on the show. there weren't a lot of plants on the station, and it's not like they'd bring her on away missions through the wormhole very often.

really though, all they had to do was to make a request for a teacher for a multispecies, multicultural school. there would be no shortage of (actually qualified) applicants rushing over. that's the sort of scenario people who still become teachers in the federation would fantasize about.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 05:06

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:06

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

it was just to give keiko something to do on the show. there weren't a lot of plants on the station, and it's not like they'd bring her on away missions through the wormhole very often.

really though, all they had to do was to make a request for a teacher for a multispecies, multicultural school. there would be no shortage of (actually qualified) applicants rushing over. that's the sort of scenario people who still become teachers in the federation would fantasize about.

Race, the final frontier.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 05:07

JediTalentAgent: Jun 5, 2005; Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!

StrangersInTheNight posted:

In the world of Star Trek, you could just go looking for dinosaur bones because they exist to be found. You wouldn't have to have it all hinge on the benevolence of a rich person with extra income, just so you can eat and be housed while doing so. This doesn't mean that a post-scarcity society would be perfect or that everyone could pursue their dreams with no barriers, but it would certainly destroy a lot of said barriers.

I would argue the hurdles might be just being ALLOWED to hunt for dinosaur bones.

At some point there's probably still a whole system in place to keep people from doing whatever they want, even for personal enrichment or the betterment of human knowledge.

You want to dig for dinosaur bones? Get in line. We have only a limited number of slots available for these approved digs, so we're taking the best of the best. Obviously, folks who are in the academy need this kind of know-how for off-world research, and those young grad students from the universities need access to this, the established researchers are obvious, too, but your resume seems to indicate you lack the education, the need, or the experience to assist.

So, maybe you have to jump a ship and go to some dig being organized offworld by some weirdo that is supporting the project by taking jobs from independent governments, selling artifacts they find, and being a space taxi. Maybe you end up working for some smugglers who are looting an ancient tomb and need you to do the dirty work.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 05:08

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

kids are like plants

# ? Feb 27, 2024 05:17

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Hollismason posted:

They just let Keiko who's a loving botanist start a school on the station and no one was like "Hey so what's your qualifications for teaching children?".

They were just like "Yeah sure go for it. What the gently caress do we care"

the school was literally started as a way to keep jake and nog off the promenade, i don't think she requires too many qualifications for that

# ? Feb 27, 2024 05:20

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

the funny thing is, despite how unqualified keiko was to teach children she is unquestionably the one who put nog on his path.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 05:22

thotsky: Jun 7, 2005; hot to trot

DS9 is the literal frontier; it's not a place or situation representative of the Federation. That's kind of the point of the show.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 06:46

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

it was just to give keiko something to do on the show. there weren't a lot of plants on the station, and it's not like they'd bring her on away missions through the wormhole very often.

really though, all they had to do was to make a request for a teacher for a multispecies, multicultural school. there would be no shortage of (actually qualified) applicants rushing over. that's the sort of scenario people who still become teachers in the federation would fantasize about.

Star Trek: Dangerous Minds

# ? Feb 27, 2024 07:29

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

counterpoint: what if none of that was true because i don't like it? i'd much prefer that the federation was a neoliberal hellscape culturally indistinguishable from the modern us. i have a pulitzer.

Way to out your alt account SMG.

Edit: Keiko did nothing wrong (in her school stuff)

# ? Feb 27, 2024 07:39

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

the funny thing is, despite how unqualified keiko was to teach children she is unquestionably the one who put nog on his path.

if quark finds out he'll push her out a dock

# ? Feb 27, 2024 08:41

JediTalentAgent: Jun 5, 2005; Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!

Quark should have recommended Starfleet pay him to keep the two in the holosuites for 8 hours a day.

"Accounting, economics, actuarial sciences, business management, contract law! Of course, I'd make sure, as part of their tuition, they'd be given every opportunity to intern here at Quark's! That's a good 12, maybe 16 hours, a day he's in a safe, supportive, hands-on learning environment!"

# ? Feb 27, 2024 08:55

Space Jam: Jul 22, 2008

i�m not sure quark�s holo gently caress suites would be an appropriate place to teach children. those rooms probably stink to high heaven.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 09:45

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

dont forget the illegal weapons testing ground

# ? Feb 27, 2024 09:54

Worf: Sep 12, 2017; If only Seth would love me like I love him!

Bajor isn�t a federation planet and ds9 isn�t a starfleet station. This is why the only people that end up in keikos way are bajoran zealots that get mad she isn�t teaching their religion

# ? Feb 27, 2024 09:54

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

quark didn't want his holosuites to be perpetually unavailable. people would come for those, then have some drinks and play dabo.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 10:18

dr_rat: Jun 4, 2001

Non Compos Mentis posted:

kids are like plants

This is true, the most important thing when teaching children is to remember they need water at least once a week.

Everything else usually just works itself out.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 11:12

Soul Dentist: Mar 17, 2009

JediTalentAgent posted:

I would argue the hurdles might be just being ALLOWED to hunt for dinosaur bones.

At some point there's probably still a whole system in place to keep people from doing whatever they want, even for personal enrichment or the betterment of human knowledge.

You want to dig for dinosaur bones? Get in line. We have only a limited number of slots available for these approved digs, so we're taking the best of the best. Obviously, folks who are in the academy need this kind of know-how for off-world research, and those young grad students from the universities need access to this, the established researchers are obvious, too, but your resume seems to indicate you lack the education, the need, or the experience to assist.

So, maybe you have to jump a ship and go to some dig being organized offworld by some weirdo that is supporting the project by taking jobs from independent governments, selling artifacts they find, and being a space taxi. Maybe you end up working for some smugglers who are looting an ancient tomb and need you to do the dirty work.

Sorry actually dinosaurs are a sentient species and they will have to look for their own bones

# ? Feb 27, 2024 11:15

Apollodorus: Feb 13, 2010; TEST YOUR MIGHT

Soul Dentist posted:

Sorry actually dinosaurs are a sentient species and they will have to look for their own bones

Good luck with that, considering they�re on the other side of the galaxy now and their official stance is to deny the existence of Earth (or at least Earth�s role as the origin of their species).

# ? Feb 27, 2024 12:26

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Worf posted:

Bajor isn’t a federation planet and ds9 isn’t a starfleet station. This is why the only people that end up in keikos way are bajoran zealots that get mad she isn’t teaching their religion

Would've been cool if, after the bombing at the school, Wynn narrowly survives a bombing of her own, then she looks across the promenade and Keiko's just standing there, smiling pleasantly

# ? Feb 27, 2024 12:49

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

JediTalentAgent posted:

I would argue the hurdles might be just being ALLOWED to hunt for dinosaur bones.

At some point there's probably still a whole system in place to keep people from doing whatever they want, even for personal enrichment or the betterment of human knowledge.

You want to dig for dinosaur bones? Get in line. We have only a limited number of slots available for these approved digs, so we're taking the best of the best. Obviously, folks who are in the academy need this kind of know-how for off-world research, and those young grad students from the universities need access to this, the established researchers are obvious, too, but your resume seems to indicate you lack the education, the need, or the experience to assist.

So, maybe you have to jump a ship and go to some dig being organized offworld by some weirdo that is supporting the project by taking jobs from independent governments, selling artifacts they find, and being a space taxi. Maybe you end up working for some smugglers who are looting an ancient tomb and need you to do the dirty work.

Star Trek: Space Indiana Jones

# ? Feb 27, 2024 12:58

Monica Bellucci: Dec 14, 2022

Non Compos Mentis posted:

kids are like plants

Yes, some of them are green.

# ? Feb 27, 2024 13:29

Butterfly Valley: Apr 19, 2007; I am a spectacularly bad poster and everyone in the Schadenfreude thread hates my guts.

I'm not a huge Trekkie but have dabbled here and there. Lately I've just caught up with Discovery season 4. I've found the whole tone of the show vaguely irritating at times but still overall entertaining. The climax being basically reapers except with empathy was an interesting take although I was annoyed with how quickly they went from communicating basic mathematical equations to full translation of Michael emotively saving the day yet again. Saru continues to own, I can't imagine how uncomfortable all that poo poo is to wear without being able to breathe through your nose while also concentrating on not falling off those platforms.

Should I watch Brave New Worlds or Picard next?

# ? Feb 28, 2024 06:36

Wayne Knight: May 11, 2006

Strange New World next and Picard never.

SNW is full of hardcore gornography!

# ? Feb 28, 2024 06:53

Apollodorus: Feb 13, 2010; TEST YOUR MIGHT

redshirt posted:

Star Trek: Space Indiana Jones

Lower Decks showed us that this is definitely a possibility.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 12:43

Powered Descent: Jul 13, 2008; We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.

Space Jam posted:

i�m not sure quark�s holo gently caress suites would be an appropriate place to teach children. those rooms probably stink to high heaven.

I'm sure Rom's duties include scrubbing out the biofilters every day. Got to keep that new-holosuite smell, after all.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 16:41

Butterfly Valley: Apr 19, 2007; I am a spectacularly bad poster and everyone in the Schadenfreude thread hates my guts.

Wayne Knight posted:

Strange New World next and Picard never.

SNW is full of hardcore gornography!

I've heard Picard is very hit or miss but gets good in the last season. I've watched a fair bit of TNG, probably more than any other series (bar maybe Enterprise sorry I know), would that sustain my interest enough?

# ? Feb 28, 2024 16:49

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

At no point does it get good. The final season is the best season. These are not mutually exclusive statements

# ? Feb 28, 2024 16:51

naem: May 29, 2011

SNW is amazing

almost as good as lower decks

# ? Feb 28, 2024 16:53

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Butterfly Valley posted:

I've heard Picard is very hit or miss but gets good in the last season. I've watched a fair bit of TNG, probably more than any other series (bar maybe Enterprise sorry I know), would that sustain my interest enough?

The last season is the TNG reunion nostalgia fest that (almost) everyone wanted Picard to be. It's not great, but it's at least par for "reunion specials" for old long canceled tv shows. The plot is nonsense but your old faves get together for one last adventure.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 16:56

SonOfGhostDad: Nov 16, 2022

Butterfly Valley posted:

I've heard Picard is very hit or miss but gets good in the last season. I've watched a fair bit of TNG, probably more than any other series (bar maybe Enterprise sorry I know), would that sustain my interest enough?

i think it hinges on how willing you are to believe that two septuagenarians could conceive and if vocal accents are genetic

# ? Feb 28, 2024 17:18

Big Ass On Fire: Jun 16, 2023

IMO if you got through Disco and thought this is decent then Picard may offer a similar experience even though it is a much different show. The one thing I'll give Picard is while the story sucks it is fun to see most of the old characters.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 17:54

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

Wayne Knight posted:

Strange New World next and Picard never.

SNW is full of hardcore gornography!

Hardcore Gornography is a fantastic username.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 18:03

Squiggle: Sep 29, 2002; I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick.

Facebook Aunt posted:

The last season is the TNG reunion nostalgia fest that (almost) everyone wanted Picard to be. It's not great, but it's at least par for "reunion specials" for old long canceled tv shows. The plot is nonsense but your old faves get together for one last adventure.

If you thought the last two Indiana Jones movies were good because hey look, Indiana Jones, you might like Picard season 3.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 18:54

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Wayne Knight posted:

SNW is full of hardcore gornography!

I mean it is but they're the frigging Aliens from Aliens now, if this is your kink, how are you enjoying the forums H. R. Giger?

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:12

Butterfly Valley: Apr 19, 2007; I am a spectacularly bad poster and everyone in the Schadenfreude thread hates my guts.

Squiggle posted:

If you thought the last two Indiana Jones movies were good because hey look, Indiana Jones, you might like Picard season 3.

Ok looks like I'm skipping Picard then

Out of curiosity what's the reason Trekkies don't like Discovery? I mean I can hazard a number of guesses I'm just curious. Shoehorning Michael in as Spock's never before mentioned sister seemed cheesy as gently caress even to a casual like me so I guess how fast and loose it plays with canon is probably a big bugbear

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:21

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

Butterfly Valley posted:

Ok looks like I'm skipping Picard then

Out of curiosity what's the reason Trekkies don't like Discovery? I mean I can hazard a number of guesses I'm just curious. Shoehorning Michael in as Spock's never before mentioned sister seemed cheesy as gently caress even to a casual like me so I guess how fast and loose it plays with canon is probably a big bugbear

Partly that, and partly it seems to have entirely missed what most people liked about startrek. Half of it, at least, is all interpersonal drama between crewmembers and is often resolved by crying about things and it never really says anything about society or even really examines it.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:31

Squiggle: Sep 29, 2002; I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick.

Because it is tonally closer to a post-9/11 anti-terrorism jackoff show than it is Star Trek, feels like it was written with active contempt for previous shows, and its plots are very very bad.

If you remember the DS9 episode where everyone gets infected by a mind virus that causes them to act as melodramatic scheming assholes from a fallen civilization that basically hated itself to death, the entire show is written like that on purpose

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:31

CainFortea: Oct 15, 2004

Squiggle posted:

Because it is tonally closer to a post-9/11 anti-terrorism jackoff show than it is Star Trek, feels like it was written with active contempt for previous shows, and its plots are very very bad.

If you remember the DS9 episode where everyone gets infected by a mind virus that causes them to act as melodramatic scheming assholes from a fallen civilization that basically hated itself to death, the entire show is written like that on purpose

I don't remember that DS9 episode, I remember the B5 episode that was like that.

Is it worse than S3 of ENT about the whole 9/11 jackoff thing? I only watched part of the first season of DISCO.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:38

Endless Trash: Aug 12, 2007

Part of my frustration with DISCO is how close it sometimes comes to being really good, before sliding back into lazy melodrama and nonsense plots.

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:43

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:06

appropriatemetaphor: Jan 26, 2006

Butterfly Valley posted:

Ok looks like I'm skipping Picard then

Out of curiosity what's the reason Trekkies don't like Discovery? I mean I can hazard a number of guesses I'm just curious. Shoehorning Michael in as Spock's never before mentioned sister seemed cheesy as gently caress even to a casual like me so I guess how fast and loose it plays with canon is probably a big bugbear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn4fW0EInqw

# ? Feb 28, 2024 19:51

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