r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Propaniac posted:

I'm just posting this because I'm curious whether other people find it as weird as I do.

I 34/F doubt my husband M/33. If you were in my shoes, what would you think about this?

uh....

.....huh???

# ? Mar 11, 2024 03:31

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# ? May 28, 2024 01:59

Tendales: Mar 9, 2012

InediblePenguin posted:

a person of Scottish heritage is not committing cultural appropriation by wearing a kilt and everybody needs to stop policing other people's bodies and clothing when it doesn't harm anyone

Actually a person of Scottish heritage wearing a kilt is appropriating English (colonizer) culture

Tendales fucked around with this message at 03:39 on Mar 11, 2024

# ? Mar 11, 2024 03:34

Loden Taylor: Aug 11, 2003

Troublemaker posted:

AITA for being truthful and admitting that I find my wife unattractive after her surgery?

quote:

She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

fuckin lmao

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:03

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

Tendales posted:

Actually a person of Scottish heritage wearing a kilt is appropriating English (colonizer) culture

there is a difference between "doing something that has roots in a different culture" and "committing cultural appropriation" which i intended to convey through my specific and purposeful choice of the phrase "committing cultural appropriation". you can't commit cultural appropriation by doing things your colonizers thought up. i understand that you are posting an attempt to draw attention to the fact that kilts aren't actually a medieval scottish cultural product but a 19th century english fancy, but words have meanings, i used a term of art on purpose, and calling literally every instance of cross-cultural behavior 'cultural appropriation' is dumbass poo poo that dumbasses do

InediblePenguin fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Mar 11, 2024

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:08

quantumwell: Jun 22, 2013

Loden Taylor posted:

fuckin lmao

I don't know what's wrong with that guy, the blue alien chick is smoking hot and can sing up a storm

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:21

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

quantumwell posted:

I don't know what's wrong with that guy, the blue alien chick is smoking hot and can sing up a storm

You see them tentacles??

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:29

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

Propaniac posted:

I'm just posting this because I'm curious whether other people find it as weird as I do.

I 34/F doubt my husband M/33. If you were in my shoes, what would you think about this?

In the first part. it sounds like the two of them have mismatch on how they treat OTC medicine which is pretty ordinary. Husband doesn't care much about best-by dates and probably just thinks of cold medicine as 'cold medicine'. Wife thinks best-by dates are strict expiration dates and is very particular about which medicine you use to treat which type of 'cold', also has a specific and different definition of 'common cold' than most people do (what people usually refer to as a 'common cold' is caused by a virus of some sort, but there's usually not a test for which specific one). Medicine best-by dates for OTC meds don't really mean much - they don't test 'when does this medicine stop being effective' but 'is the medicine still good after this amount of time?' for the amount of time they want to be able to put on the label. Some specialized medicines actually do go bad fairly quickly or need special handling, most just get somewhat weaker but don't stop working or become dangerous. She's got the narrow preferences on medicine, so should occasionally purge the medicine cabinet and should be specific if she's asking for medicine, since other people aren't going to make whatever distinction she is about what OTC medicines treat, this is a pretty normal relationship thing and no big deal.

In the second part, it turns super weird, where it goes from 'husband offered to give me cold meds, wasn't as specific as I expected' to a big argument that somehow leads to 'I used to be a nice girl and now don't feel like I can accept human kindness anymore'. It's a ride from a sensible and probably common /r/relationships question to a really deep and unusual psychologcial issue.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:37

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for not wanting to give my bsf my graduation dress on her birthday.

quote:
I ask what's going on and she asks me if I could borrow my dress to Camila because her dress was different from what they ordered online .

This is something I'm seeing more and more of and people never seem to learn from it: buying things online that are poo poo. Someone at my cousin's wedding shower this weekend was talking about how they ordered four of the same dress from online and laid them out on a bed and chose to keep the one that had the fewest flaws with the sewing. Don't order things online unless you know the company and know what you're getting. It's a serious problem.

axolotl farmer posted:

Kilt with a jacket is on the same formality level as a suit and tie.

Folk costumes are always acceptable as formal wear. In Scandinavia, especially Norway, a bunad/folkdr�kt is sometimes used for really formal occations like academic promotions and the Nobel price ceremony and dinner.

The wedding shower was in New Jersey and as an upstate New Yorker (also a librarian so I am more or less condemned to frumpiness, but I can be frumpy and still dressed up) I was VERY underdressed. I was actually going to wear a (frumpy) dress and heels until I looked at the weather report and thought that my nice corduroys would be good enough. Nope! The wedding is in a month and I'd better dress right for it. Just wanted to share that story while I had an opportunity and let everyone know that if you're going to literally any event in New Jersey, dress up a LOT.

quote:

Last year, my husband �Barry� took our then-4-year-old daughter �Kayla� to the park. Kayla apparently threw a tantrum over not wanting to wear her mittens, and when my husband tried to calm her down, someone took notice, decided he was trying to abduct her, and called the police. That led to him being detained and separate questioning of both Kayla and Barry before the police decided that no, actually nothing was wrong and let him go.

Since then, Barry has refused to take Kayla anywhere if he�s not accompanied by me or some other relative. I have to do all of the driving whenever we need to take her to a doctor, attend some school function, take her out anywhere she wants to go, etc. I shouldn�t judge him for this, but it�s really hampered his ability to parent, and I�m struggling under the load of all the outside the house parenting work alone. He has been in therapy since shortly after the incident, but as far as I can tell it hasn�t made much of a difference. He�ll be noticeably anxious when outside the home with Kayla and still refuses to be with her without some other relative along. I need some kind of support here, and my husband can�t provide it. What can I do to get out of this mess?

quote:
I hope both your daughter and your husband are able to acknowledge and talk about how they�ve been feeling since the incident, which sounds like it was not only scary but potentially traumatizing. And I also think there�s room for you to be nonjudgmental but honest with Barry about how this specific symptom of avoidance�refusing to take your daughter anywhere in public�is affecting all of you. Even if his anxiety is understandable to some extent, it�s interfering with his daily life, his parenting, and activities that I assume he actually wants to be able to do with Kayla. You�re being forced to plan and rearrange your life around it. And so, while you can be a good and supportive partner by listening to him and letting him know his feelings aren�t the enemy, I also think it�s fair to want him to work on this. (I don�t know if having you join one of his sessions could help by allowing the two of you to discuss this with more support, but if so, that�s something else to consider.)

In the meantime, I know it�s hard to manage all the transportation and in-public parenting (if that�s the right term) on your own. You mentioned other relatives�are there family members and/or family friends who you and/or Barry could confide in? Could any of them help share some of this day-to-day labor with you on a temporary basis while your husband works on his issues? Or could the two of you look for a paid caregiver who could do some of it? I know it feels strange to hire someone to help with driving Kayla places, but it�s a real need your family has right now, and it�s important.

I get that you feel frustrated and isolated. None of this is fair, including what happened to your daughter and your husband. It might not feel like it as you drive Kayla everywhere by yourself, but you and Barry can still find ways to support one another and be a team�he can listen to your concerns and try to work on his issues; you can encourage him to overcome this hangup (for his own benefit as much as yours and Kayla�s) without dismissing how he feels. I hope this situation is temporary and he�s soon able to move past the avoidance, if not the anxiety.

ACAb and it was probably a horrible situation, but as someone who's overcome severe anxiety because she had no other real choice, Jesus Christ.

Some comments also:

quote:

So, I hate cops and would likely have PTSD from the encounter the LW's husband had with them. However, he is a father. He has a child he has to take care of, full stop. He can do it while getting therapy and feeling anxious and hating that feeling, but the idea that the solution is to just never take his own child anywhere alone and force his wife to keep an unsustainable schedule is not realistic. What would he do if he were a single father? What would a woman do if this happened to her? The idea that she would simply stop parenting alone outside the home would almost certainly not occur to her. So, sure, he deserves empathy, understanding, and therapy, but he still has to do his job as a parent.

quote:
Yes. Part of the problem now unfortunately is that he was able to avoid repeating the situation (unlike say a mom who might not be able to avoid it), which then reinforces to his brain that avoidance is a successful way to �stay safe�, instead of incrementally going out with daughter and having his brain experience that he could do that and the terrible experience would not repeat, and that he can take actions like carry paperwork and photos proving the relationship.

trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 04:42 on Mar 11, 2024

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:40

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Oh hey, a story from a while back got an update.

Update: 27f accused of babytrapping my fiance 28M when my tubes are tied? We broke up

quote:

Original post here, I also updated that one too.

It's been an exhausting week, both at home and work. Basically, we're not engaged anymore, he moving back to his parents, and our relationship is over while he works on for himself.

He wasn't cheating nor was there a secret baby on the side. Half a yes to him having second thoughts, half yes to him being influenced by family and friends. I won't go too much into the details, just that his uncle's family were always awful to him, they were always the go-to babysitters, and he has trouble standing up to that generation of his family, he's impressionable, and he has trouble separating fact from fiction because of that and them.

Another factor is that one of his formerly child-free friends announced his wife's pregnant during New Years, and he's been excited about it. My ex-fiance's wondering if he'd change his mind, especially since his parents do want to have grandchildren and have been asking if we're going to wait before having them. After dogsitting for his uncle, apparently all that combined in his mind that I changed my mind and I'd surprise him about it.

Which is the core of the matter for me. Whether he forgot I had my tubes tied doesn't matter. He was projecting his fears, anxiety, and trauma onto me and punishing me for something that I didn't even do or say, and then made me out to be a deceptive partner because of that projection. He stopped trusting me because he was afraid of what the warped version he built up in his mind might do. That wasn't okay, and that's why I ended it.

He's been moving his stuff out all week and he told me he's going back into therapy. His parents will be there to help him, and they separately apologized to me; they had no idea how bad his anxiety is. I'll be there to support him as a friend and I've been trying to say that it's on pause, but typing this out also makes me realize that no matter what, I wouldn't be able to win against those fears, nor can I trust him to ever really fully trust me against them. Assuming he ever did.

Thanks for your input, Reddit. Some of the thoughts did help me steer the conversation, but ultimately it still boiled down to a broken trust and I don't think we're coming back from that.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:43

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

AITA for expressing discomfort about my wife and her friends pranking my mom on our wedding day?

quote:

My mom hasn't been the greatest in the past. She can be really rude and was catty. She didn't get off to a good start with my wife due to her own rude and self centered behavior, but I took my wife's side and laid down boundaries. My mom gets that she can't be rude these days. I fully get my wife will never like her, mom probably won't like her either, and we all just avoid each other for the most part. Don't get me wrong. It makes me sad as I used to be close to my family, but wife comes first.

We recently got married and it was a nearly perfect day. The one issue that aroused is my mom had a fairly large very noticeable food coloring stain on her cheek (about the size of a lighter) Obviously she wasn't happy about this and wanted it covered. She never does her own makeup and knows very little about makeup. The makeup artist was a friend of my wife's, and knew all the drama about my mom. She told her she would try but the makeup would have to be darker to hide it. She and my wife giggled ahead of time and decided to gently caress with her. She made it super dark, like orange. My mom has fair skin so it looked ridiculous. My mom seemed to believe her that nothing lighter would cover it and just removed all the makeup and went on with her big pink blotch.

I didn't know about this at the time, but we recently got back from our honeymoon and my wife hosted a dinner to look at wedding pictures. Her friends all began laughing about what they did to my mom. This was the first time I heard about it and I said that was kind of mean girlish. My wife gave me a look. Her friends kept saying it was funny and my mom is dumb and got what she deserved. At this point I got annoyed and said they acted like middle school bullies and they should be embarrassed. Whatever my mom had done in the past, she was not the problem on the wedding day. This might be way too far, but I said at least she laughed it off and moved on with her spot. They would have spent the whole day insecure and worried about Instagram.

When they left my wife became very upset and said I should be on her side 100% not 95% and that I humiliated her by speaking to her friends like that. She accused me of being a mama's boy.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:46

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

the holy poopacy posted:

Yeah, I'm dying to know the name that is so stereotypically Arabic that it gets you flagged even with a fully Western last name that someone also thought would be a good name for a strip club.

Scheherazade.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:52

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; Ultra Carp

quote:

She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

Loden Taylor posted:

fuckin lmao

# ? Mar 11, 2024 04:55

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

AITA for leaving a dinner party after a girl sat on my husband's lap?

quote:

I am still so shook with everything so sorry for my rambling. My husband (Jake) and i have been married for 3 years and from the begining he was very close with his best friend's sister (cindy) (18f). Well my husband would often talk about her and tell how he had seen her grow up throughout the years. Cindy is always very bubbly and seems very fond of Jake as well. I remember when we were dating she would ask to come along on our dates a lot. I never really said anything as i liked spending time with her as well. She was like a little sister to me. When we announced our engagement she asked to my husband to "better not forget her" after being a married man and to still hang out with her.

Well we got married and i even made her my bridesmaid. Soon we moved to a different state and kind of lost contact. Now Jake's best friend came to stay with us for sometime and cindy came along as well. Now the moment she saw us the first thing she said was how hot my husband has gotten and she was glad he didn't look like those boring married men. Then throughout their stay cindy would just ignore my presence and will be way too close with jake. I told jake that it was looking a bit inappropriate and to ask cindy to tone it down, but he said that cindy is just a bit childish and is that way with everybody.

Well at their last day we decided to host a dinner party for everybody. During the party i was with jake when cindy came and told me "oh i need to steal ur husband for a while" and before i could say something she grabbed jake's hand and took him for playing games. I ignored it since it was their last day, but then throughout the dinner she was getting way too close with jake and would just drag him away whenever i would be around while giggling at me. When everybody sat for dinner i sat beside jake and cindy came last. She then said "oh there is no seat" and then just went and sat on my husband's lap. Everybody was surprised and jake's said laughing "cindy stop acting like a kid, u r not a kid anymore". Cindy started laughing saying it was a joke and got up and sat on other seat while giggling at me. Yeah i was so angry with the disrespect, and with the fact that Jake was so cool with it, but i didn't wanna say anything bad so i excused myself took my car and went out. About 1hr later jake called me asking where i was. I told him i am going to my friend's house and i will come after cindy has left. I know what i did was terrible but i was so angry at that time that if i had stayed there any longer i would have probably started fighting or crying. I came the next day and cindy and her family had left.

Jake was very pissed and said i took things too far. I started crying and told him how everything made me feel. He said i was horrible to think such things about cindy and that she was like his siter. I told him that i was not doubting his intentions but i was hurt by how disrespectful cindy's behaviour was and he was enabling her by not saying anything. He started saying that i sound ridiculous and couldn't even take a joke (referring to the sitting on lap incident). I said regardless i don't want her in my house again.

To top it off cindy sent a message saying that she was sorry about making me so insecure in myself, and that she would make sure to make me feel better, but i should not have left as it was pretty childish and kind of spoilt the mood. It felt so backhanded, i didn't reply anything to her.

I just told my husband he needs to maintain a distance with cindy. He asked if i was giving him an ultimatum, i said if he will go as far as disregard and disrespect my feelings for cindy? This really rubbed my husband the wrong way and he said since i have such disgusting thoughts in my mind, and is giving him an ultimatum anyways, then he might as well leave because he cannot leave with such an insecure person who has such disgusting thoughts about him. He packed a bag and left to his mother's place. I have tried apologising numerous times, telling how sorry i am for everything, but he is ignoring my texts and calls.

Later cindy's brother texted me and called me a bunch of names to think like that about his sister saying jake should just leave me and a disgusting person like me deserves to be alone. I could not stop crying after that. Idk how to fix this. Is there a way to even come back? Was i so wrong to deserve this? Idk anymore.

Edit- People who are asking our ages, we are 25 yo, just months apart.

If Jack and Cindy weren't loving before, they definitely are now. He got all defensive and immediately went to "stay with his mom" and isn't responding to her texts and calls? Ooh yeah, I'd be checking in with anyone who stayed to find out exactly what went down after she walked out.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 05:16

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for not wanting to give my bsf my graduation dress on her birthday.

Yeah, Camilla isn't your friend.

The kind of person who spends a week planning her birthday isn't going to somehow get to the point after the event has started and not have anything to wear without realising it.

Her plan was to make you look like poo poo. Either as the person wearing lovely clothes when everyone else was dressed to the nines, or as the person who wouldn't give her literally the clothes off your back.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 05:34

trickybiscuits: Jan 13, 2008; yospos

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Oh hey, a story from a while back got an update.

Update: 27f accused of babytrapping my fiance 28M when my tubes are tied? We broke up

quote:
He wasn't cheating nor was there a secret baby on the side. Half a yes to him having second thoughts, half yes to him being influenced by family and friends. I won't go too much into the details, just that his uncle's family were always awful to him, they were always the go-to babysitters, and he has trouble standing up to that generation of his family, he's impressionable, and he has trouble separating fact from fiction because of that and them.

As someone said earlier in the thread, he's too stupid to marry

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Scheherazade.

A likely story

(everyone groans at my bullshit)

# ? Mar 11, 2024 05:47

CitizenKain: May 27, 2001; That was Gary Cooper, asshole.; Nap Ghost

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

In the first part. it sounds like the two of them have mismatch on how they treat OTC medicine which is pretty ordinary. Husband doesn't care much about best-by dates and probably just thinks of cold medicine as 'cold medicine'. Wife thinks best-by dates are strict expiration dates and is very particular about which medicine you use to treat which type of 'cold', also has a specific and different definition of 'common cold' than most people do (what people usually refer to as a 'common cold' is caused by a virus of some sort, but there's usually not a test for which specific one). Medicine best-by dates for OTC meds don't really mean much - they don't test 'when does this medicine stop being effective' but 'is the medicine still good after this amount of time?' for the amount of time they want to be able to put on the label. Some specialized medicines actually do go bad fairly quickly or need special handling, most just get somewhat weaker but don't stop working or become dangerous. She's got the narrow preferences on medicine, so should occasionally purge the medicine cabinet and should be specific if she's asking for medicine, since other people aren't going to make whatever distinction she is about what OTC medicines treat, this is a pretty normal relationship thing and no big deal.

I always kinda wondered about a lot of medicine and expiration dates. Always seemed like sudafed was good for about 1 head cold and any leftovers were useless, while some advil is eternal.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 06:19

AngryRobotsInc: Aug 2, 2011

Very few things have expiration dates, including medication, rather having best by dates. Which only means they don't guarantee the quality or effectiveness of the product after that date, not that it has gone off.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 06:37

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Scheherazade.

Scheherazade is a Persian name, not Arabic.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 06:49

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Kurieg posted:

AITA for expressing discomfort about my wife and her friends pranking my mom on our wedding day?

the one issue that aroused

the one issue that what now?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 06:59

ReelBigLizard: Feb 27, 2003; Fallen Rib

When life gives you Scheheraz...

# ? Mar 11, 2024 07:36

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

Don't underestimate the obnoxious American Scot - they get forgotten next to the obnoxious American Irish but they're just as obsessed with their family history.

My family's clan isn't even a real clan, but that doesn't stop the Galbraiths from having a North American society. And forever being salty about the official clan standing when it has no effect on their lives whatsoever. Or from having what is essentially a yearly convention about being descendants of the Scottish.

On this:

Tartans, and "clan" tartans are made up marketting bullshit.

Some Indian bloke decided to "officially" commission a tartan for Sikhs. So he paid a cloth manufacturer, paid the registration fee, and now every Singh in Punjab has a registered tartan.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 07:48

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

BrigadierSensible posted:

Tartans, and "clan" tartans are made up marketting bullshit.

broke: clan tartan, woke: clartan?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 08:11

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Shanghaied posted:

Scheherazade is a Persian name, not Arabic.

True, but lol if you think OP or her perv of a father know that.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 08:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

The only kilt wearers I dont like are the ones who obviously want to wear a dress but aren't comfortable owning that desire and then try to rope you in too so they can push any followup introspection about themselves deep down.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 08:37

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

Here's a documentary on kilt-wearing to answer all y'alls questions.

https://youtu.be/DsH8WAmQFno?si=ZDGHztkPFEs19r_0

# ? Mar 11, 2024 08:44

Sekenr: Dec 12, 2013

Rain Brain posted:

Yeah... extra funny ("funny") because they could really make racism work for them in this case - a white guy who speaks fluent, colloquial, Urdu will always have a place at the NSA.

He can also do well in sales if he wants to go this direction. A decent salesman who speaks Hindi (or Urdu for that matter) isn't super common and will be sought after by whatever company tries to do business in India.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 08:47

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Work kilts have been reasonably popular over here (Sweden), especially with road and rail track maintenance crews. So much so that you can now get hi-viz/reflective variants.

Makes sense I guess, must be better than broiling your balls every summer.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:07

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

Oh you're Scottish, me too what clan are you?

Dude it's literally not been a thing since like the 17th century, clan wgaf.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:12

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

AITA for refusing to take care of a special needs child during my son’s birthday party?

quote:

Hello all, this has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. My son is in elementary school and one of his friends is special needs, we will call him Elliot. He’s a very sweet boy but needs extra help with a lot of things including using the restroom. I am very very close with his parents and they have been family friends for years. Our whole family hangs out (including grandparents) often.

It was the day of my son’s party and about half of the kids were dropped off and the other half had their parents leave. This is about the time I should mention I did go to school for nursing for a bit but ended up dropping out so I do have some experience but not a lot. I’m running around helping all the kids do their activity, get food, and so on. Elliot comes up and tugs on my shoulder saying he needs to go potty and needs my help. Because of his individual needs it takes around 20 minutes to help him use the restroom. It’s not a quick thing at all. I said “oh sweetheart I can’t help you so you will need to go to your parents ok?” He told me that they were gone and to ask for you.

Que my mother in law walking up. She said “I told them you had a handle on it and they should take a few hours to go and have fun, so they left. I’ll watch the kids you go do what you need to do.” And she handed me his bag full of bathroom stuff.

I was furious with rage and embarrassment and pity for this child. I kept it calm for Elliot but it’s my son’s birthday party and all I can think is 1. I didn’t volunteer for this. And I want to watch my son enjoy his party 2. I would be furious if I left my child with somebody I knew and trusted, and came back and they were gone for 20 minutes with a stranger watching my kid. And 3. My mother in law did not have the right to say I’d do something I’m not comfortable with.

I told Elliot I’m sorry I can’t help you today. Then I turned to my mother in law, took her out of earshot and told her she would have to figure it out or call his parents to come back, that I could not do this today and leave the kids that I’m responsible for. Elliot looked a little shocked when I told him no, but then just looked at my mother in law.

My mother in law was beyond shocked and furious. She eventually was able to get ahold of his parents with my husbands help but she has been very short with me since. She told my husband that since I was basically a nurse that I shouldn’t have a problem doing that for Elliot and she could have watched the kids just fine. My husband told her that she shouldn’t have assumed I would be able to help Elliot.

Elliots parents were annoyed but apologetic to me, they had assumed it was my idea.

I do feel horrible. But I don’t feel comfortable doing this for Elliot and stepping away from the party for so long.

I also want to clarify that for some of the kids I was the ONLY adult that they knew at the party.

So, am I the rear end in a top hat for refusing to help a special needs child during a party I was running?

OP explains in a comment that the child in question is physiologically unable to urinate or defecate by himself without medical intervention. MIL and parents of the year here.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:38

TheDeadlyShoe: Feb 14, 2014

Really glaring missing bit there about why the MIL didn't volunteer her 20 minutes. Unless im underestimating the effort required.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:41

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

TheDeadlyShoe posted:

Really glaring missing bit there about why the MIL didn't volunteer her 20 minutes. Unless im underestimating the effort required.

Probably just the usual boomer thing of wanting the praise for offering a favour/gift that was not theirs to give

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:52

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Not many people can pull off the kilt without becoming a kilt guy. And I feel for those guys because it's gotta be hard. People you know know that you're not a kilt guy, but as soon as you meet somebody new all they're gonna wanna talk about is the kilt. So you need another gimmick that's even more unusual, like carrying a bow and arrow with you everywhere or having an eagle companion.

I'd like to think I'm the type of person that doesn't really care what you wear on your body. But I don't think I'd be able to resist taking the person aside privately and asking "yo how much more comfortable is that than pants/shorts"?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:53

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

TheDeadlyShoe posted:

Really glaring missing bit there about why the MIL didn't volunteer her 20 minutes. Unless im underestimating the effort required.

The way the OP described it, it's not a issue of wiping/cleaning, but rather it sounds like the kid requires some form of medical device (catheter/colostomy bag) to use the bathroom. MIL was not capable of helping, but she somehow thought the OP was, because the OP went to nursing school briefly at some point in the past, which you know, jfc.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 09:59

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

TheDeadlyShoe posted:

Really glaring missing bit there about why the MIL didn't volunteer her 20 minutes. Unless im underestimating the effort required.

She already got the endorphins for giving good news, why would she want to taint that with the effort of follow through?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 10:00

kru: Oct 5, 2003

DeeplyConcerned posted:

I'd like to think I'm the type of person that doesn't really care what you wear on your body. But I don't think I'd be able to resist taking the person aside privately and asking "yo how much more comfortable is that than pants/shorts"?

It's way, way more comfortable

# ? Mar 11, 2024 12:07

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for not wanting my exes step daughter around my horses?

quote:

I find the entire thing to be absurd. I (31F) have a daughter, Bonnie (13F) and a son, August (9M) with my ex Ralph (32M). Bonnie is not Ralph�s biological child, but was with me in the very beginning, when I was carrying her.

The kids see him often and we get along well. He has a wife Donna (32F) and a step daughter, Mandy (13F). I get along fine with Donna.

Mandy is good with August, but terrible with Bonnie. She tells her things that a teenage girl shouldn�t say to another. Which we never knew why she is like this with Bonnie.

Since Bonnie has always maintained her privacy. She never went out of her way to be friends with Mandy, or to impress her. Mandy and her friends bother Bonnie and her friends at school. Which has caused Bonnie not wanting to stay at her fathers house.

We had to rearrange Bonnie and August time schedule. When Mandy's stay at her father's house. So they don�t have to see her. Which was the best for all of us. Bonnie and August have been happier since.

We do have horses. Bonnie and August are great riders. We have three horses. All our own, and Bonnie has invited her friends to ride our horses and so have August.

Mandy attitude shifted once she knew we had horses. She was now treating Bonnie at school more politely. Mandy asked Bonnie if she can ride our horses, and if I can teach her to ride.

Bonnie just walked away. I guess Mandy felt offended by this and went to tell her mother. I got calls from Donna wondering if I could please teach her kid to ride, or just take her out a couple times a week on the horses. I declined her request.

She claims that Mandy �misses" August and Bonnie. I just hung up. Donna did quit and for a while. to ask and push more. I never respond to her demand.

When Ralph did come get the kids. I asked him to tell his wife to stop being pushy. He said he�d take care of it. It did stop, I was grateful for that.

Around late April. August will be celebrating his birthday, and he will only be inviting his friends. Bonnie asked if she can bring her friends. I told her yes, it won�t be so big. But quite a bit of kids. August will also have a party at his dads as well.

I told Ralph about the birthday plan. He asked if Mandy can come, I told him not at my house. I don�t want August or Bonnie uncomfortable. I also told him he can do whatever pleases him, at his own house.

Ralph told me he understands and left it at that. For a few days things been quiet and good. But Ralph was picking up our kids one day. Waiting outside and I went out there with our children.

I saw he brought Mandy and they got out. He asked if Mandy can see my horses. I told him no, that I didn't want her on my property or anywhere near my horses. Mandy just started crying.

I continued telling him, that he broke our agreement for our kids schedule. Ralph just said, I should give her a chance. I said that he and Mandy needed to go. They drove off.

My kids told me they don�t like her. I am not gonna force my kids to go. AITA?

# ? Mar 11, 2024 12:17

The Diddler: Jun 22, 2006

Mx. posted:

AITA for not wanting my exes step daughter around my horses?

YTA for not understanding how punctuation works. And also having horses, I guess.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 14:45

Ogma: Jun 6, 2003; Let the festivities commence!

The Diddler posted:

YTA for not understanding how punctuation works. And also having horses, I guess.

She can make up for this by killing the horses and giving the corpses to the ex's kid. Then no one's the rear end in a top hat.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 14:47

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

trickybiscuits posted:

ACAb and it was probably a horrible situation, but as someone who's overcome severe anxiety because she had no other real choice, Jesus Christ.

Some comments also:

quote:
he can take actions like carry paperwork and photos proving the relationship.

This pisses me off SO much because it shouldn't even be a "thing". Women rarely get harassed about kids being theirs but people feel the need to denigrate dads & call them "babysitters" or assume any kids around them aren't theirs/related. People need to mind their loving business & quit assuming the worst.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 14:53

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# ? May 28, 2024 01:59

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

Troublemaker posted:

AITA for being truthful and admitting that I find my wife unattractive after her surgery?

r/relationships: She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

# ? Mar 11, 2024 14:58

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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