r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

ReelBigLizard: Feb 27, 2003; Fallen Rib

Irisi posted:

We also had a very amusing problem where the system would continually flag a lot of predominently elderly Jewish mens' accounts as "Suspected terrorism", because their name, "Ira" was triggering the system to think they were part of the IRA, the Irish Republican Army. It took quite a lot of fine tuning to fix, apparently. Same thing happened to girls called "Isis" a few years ago too.

As a recovering programmer I know I could write a set of regexes that would solve these problems in client systems. But then I'd have to relearn regex for the 457th time.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 13:40

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# ? May 30, 2024 03:59

deety: Aug 2, 2004; zombies + sharks = fun

My husband has been telling his friends I want to sleep with them

quote:

I'm a 31 year-old woman who lives in Canada with her 32 year-old husband. We've been married for 2 years, and together for 7.

Throughout our relationship, I'd say we've had a really active sex life and generally been happy with each other, and had never brought up any talk of opening up our marriage or anything related.

My husband has been on a work trip all of this week, and last night, I attended a party that a friend of his also came to. I don't drink, but after a point I could see he was tipsy when he came over to chat with me. We were just chatting about my husband when he says "Oh, (husband's name) is away this weekend? Well let me know if you want to get started on that open marriage arrangement then"

I was completely taken aback and asked what the gently caress he was even talking about. He was also surprised and embarrassed. I insisted on him telling me, and he said my husband has been telling him and his group of friends for months now that we're opening up our marriage and that I have expressed interest in sleeping with his friends. As he told this to me, his friend realized I knew nothing and got super apologetic which just made it worse considering he was also tipsy.

I just left the party, completely shocked and stunned. I haven't slept all night, and this morning his friend called to apologize. I had to reconfirm what he said and he said the exact same thing. He said it's been going on months. Unfortunately, there is no evidence because these were all in-person conversations.

Before taking drastic steps, I want to find out WHY. What kind of fantasy is this that he had to lie to his friends about without asking me? I am NOT open to it, but I wish he had just asked me first before betraying me like this. He is coming back tomorrow evening and I have no idea how to deal with him or even being this up. Would love any advice, thank you.

TL;DR: My husband has been going behind my back telling his friends we have an open marriage. I feel sick and betrayed.

So is the husband just fantasizing about his friends having sex with his wife, or is he laying the ground for an affair by telling people he's starting an open marriage?

# ? Mar 17, 2024 13:59

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Or trying to get his wife to cheat on him so he can get a her fault divorce

# ? Mar 17, 2024 14:20

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

What she should do is get the apologetic friend to create evidence by texting the husband 'hey your wife still on for that open marriage? haha' and see his response.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 14:28

Shalhavet: Dec 10, 2010; This post is terrible; Doctor Rope

Gadzuko posted:

I feel for this person, but lol at winding up with over half a million dollars (at least) from a Runescape transaction. I wonder what the original value was.

Probably around £2k given historical rates for buttcoins. This person won and I hope they don't take that as a sign they should get into crypto because that was a once in a lifetime success.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 15:25

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

FMguru posted:

None of his friends knows where he is or they do and is not telling me. I called his brother and he laughed at me over the phone and hung up.

From r/AmITheEx, natch.

I think this brother has the best response to these 'I tried to get in touch with the person who's obviously leaving my life' situations that I've seen. Don't try to argue or explain, just laugh at the absurdity and end the call.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 16:25

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

I love that when I exchanged like $600 for a holiday abroad I had to fill out a bunch of forms because for some reason I got flagged as a politically exposed person (can you imagine lmao, here I am, moving my ill-begotten billions $600 at a time, in person), but also all of our major banks are involved in money laundering and only get slap-on-the-wrist fines and no one goes to jail ever.

And by "love" I mean "think it's loving stupid".

Edit: Many many years ago, my friend's landladies were two septuagenarian American sisters, Isis and Nephthys, who owned a bunch of rental properties around London.

Shanghaied fucked around with this message at 17:36 on Mar 17, 2024

# ? Mar 17, 2024 17:29

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Irisi posted:

We also had a very amusing problem where the system would continually flag a lot of predominently elderly Jewish mens' accounts as "Suspected terrorism", because their name, "Ira" was triggering the system to think they were part of the IRA, the Irish Republican Army. It took quite a lot of fine tuning to fix, apparently. Same thing happened to girls called "Isis" a few years ago too.

That's known as the Scunthorpe Problem.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 17:55

SulfurMonoxideCute: Feb 9, 2008; I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Bruceski posted:

That's known as the Scunthorpe Problem.

I've seen a lot of angry Animal Crossing players who were pissed they couldn't give their island a grape-themed name.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 18:00

Woozie66: Sep 8, 2009; I'll wait for the next era

edgeman83 posted:

I honestly don't believe them at all, just due to how they responded to someone rightfully calling out how abusive they have been:

gently caress off, you are an abusive drunk, it doesn't take someone else's hangups to realize that.

But they've acknowledged they have a drinking problem (and maybe other mental health issues!) and are actively seeking help and taking steps to quit. You can choose not to believe them, but I don't know what more they can do at this point (other than just not have mental health issues).

# ? Mar 17, 2024 18:00

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Bruceski posted:

That's known as the Scunthorpe Problem.

Yeah, because people from Scunthorpe are notoriously bad about distinguishing context

# ? Mar 17, 2024 19:26

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Yeah honestly the one time it actually kinda is understandable to stick around, is when you were gonna have the serious 'you have an alcohol problem' talk and you don't even have a chance to get it out before they say to you 'I realized I have an alcohol problem so I'm quitting drinking, and I've started seeing a therapist '

That's like, most people's dream scenario for that situation.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 19:50

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

My girlfriend (22F) is mad at me (24M) because I let my friend stay at my place when she had to rebook her international flight back home

quote:

I had a friend from Peru that missed her flight back home. The airline said that they had 2 flights left for tomorrow and the day after. Her second option was a lot cheaper than the first so she chose that. She reached out to me telling me this stuff and I offered her my place to stay while she waited for her flight so she wouldn't have to sleep by herself at the airport for a day and a half. My roomate had his friend sleeping on our couch so I told her she could sleep in my room while I went to go sleep at my girlfriend's house which was 5 minutes away. I told my girlfriend about the situation and she seemed to understand. After I got off work that night at midnight I picked up my friend and set her up in my room. I then left to my girlfriends place and got there by 1am. My girlfriend then starts being all sassy and saying things have fun with your girlfriend and as a backhanded joke which escalated to her saying she was not comfortable with another girl sleeping in my bed even though I was with her at her place. The situation got worse the next day when I got off 2 hours early from working a 12 hour shift at 8pm. My girlfriend was going to be working and wouldn't be back until midnight. I called my friend and asked her how she was doing and offered to take her to get food since she had no car and has stayed in my room all day. My girlfriend got really pissed when I told her we were going to get food. She said I was violating her boundaries and that she was not comfortable with me going out to eat with another girl. I tried to tell her I was just trying to help but she was having none of it. I was planning on taking my friend back to my place and then going to sleep with my girlfriend for the night. Now she is mad that I'm taking her to the airport. She suggested getting her an uber but I don't have money to pay for one. Can anyone share input on this situation?

# ? Mar 17, 2024 19:52

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

FMguru posted:

Charging the phone to the exact percentage it was when she first grabbed it was a nice touch.

Rookie mistake, you need to calculate what the percentage it would be after being left alone for a few days and charge it to that percentage.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 20:11

DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Hughlander posted:

My girlfriend (22F) is mad at me (24M) because I let my friend stay at my place when she had to rebook her international flight back home

Pro spoiler tag usage here

# ? Mar 17, 2024 20:16

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Hughlander posted:

My girlfriend (22F) is mad at me (24M) because I let my friend stay at my place when she had to rebook her international flight back home

Dump GF unless you never plan to be in proximity of a woman ever again.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 20:29

olylifter: Sep 13, 2007; I'm bad with money and you have an avatar!

Irisi posted:

We also had a very amusing problem where the system would continually flag a lot of predominently elderly Jewish mens' accounts as "Suspected terrorism", because their name, "Ira" was triggering the system to think they were part of the IRA, the Irish Republican Army. It took quite a lot of fine tuning to fix, apparently. Same thing happened to girls called "Isis" a few years ago too.

Shoulda gone by Gilligan instead

# ? Mar 17, 2024 20:39

Roleplaying Dad: Jan 23, 2005; Invisibilityrific

Woozie66 posted:

But they've acknowledged they have a drinking problem (and maybe other mental health issues!) and are actively seeking help and taking steps to quit. You can choose not to believe them, but I don't know what more they can do at this point (other than just not have mental health issues).

Some people heard "in vino veritas" one time and take it as gospel. Some of us have demons that live inside us that want to ruin our lives and it just means we can't drink anymore. It's not that uncommon.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 20:51

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

My [24M] girlfriend [24F] of 2 years, is vehemently against the idea of us having children. I don't think I can feel fulfilled in life without procreating (major goal of mine) and am under huge pressure from family to procreate. I love her, what do?

quote:

So my girlfriend of 2 years whom I am close to proposing to laid on me that she really doesn't want to have children. Don't ask me how it didn't come up sooner, I honestly couldn't tell you. It just didn't.

Problem is that I honestly can't see myself feeling fulfilled in life without experiencing biological parenthood. Normally this would be what other, more socially adept people call a "deal-breaker" but frankly it was a miracle me and her met in the first place and this kind of lightning doesn't strike twice.

I love her so much, I love everything about her, except this. I'm torn between a base psychological and physiological drive to be a dad and an undying love in a cruel "the grass might be greener over there and its pretty green here bub but maybe not and you're risking being the miserable parrot man (I keep parrots, sue me) at the end of the street forever if you leave now" situation.

Oh yeah also my Dad's side of the family is heavily pressuring me to procreate since I am the last descendant of my line of breeding age. inb4 "You shouldnt be beholden to the wishes of your family" but gosh dang it if I aren't anyways.

Also fun fact I deal with adversity and stress through comedy; kinda shining through here init?

TL;DR I love my girlfriend more than I love three meals a day but she doesn't want to have a kid and I REALLY do and I have never felt more torn in all my life.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:21

rotinaj: Sep 5, 2008; Fun Shoe

Please stop dealing with adversity and stress about creampies with humor, parrot man

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:23

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

Slow down there bud, that's too much comedy, my sides are splitting here.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:26

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for not giving my pregnant friend a car seat?

quote:

I (26F) have a one year old daughter. She is still using her infant car seat. However, we were hit about a month ago and while we weren�t hurt, I no longer felt like her car seat was safe so I replaced it. My pregnant friend �Anne� (24F) asked if she could have the car seat since I was �just throwing it out anyway�.

I explained that car seats are made to withstand ONE accident, and I didn�t think it was safe for my daughter or hers. She is a known dumpster diver, so I wrote on the car seat in permanent marker that it was in a car accident and I took out the straps when I threw it away so it wasn�t usable and kept them to throw away later.

Anne went through my trash and called me selfish for �wasting a perfectly good car seat� and said I haven�t been helpful to her at all. I organized her baby shower, gave her a lot of my daughter�s old clothes except for sentimental outfits because she asked, commissioned baby blankets and two outfits from a friend of mine whose work she likes, helped her around the house, etc. I�ve tried my best. I don�t feel like not wanting to risk her daughter dying makes me TA, but does it?

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:33

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

procreating (major goal of mine)

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:35

Elviscat: Jan 1, 2008; Well don't you know I'm caught in a trap?

What's the logic behind car seats being good for one crash only? I know helmets are, but that's because the EPS foam gets smooshed by your head and won't work as good again. I can't think of any damage to a car seat that wouldn't be visible on close inspection.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:37

Ensign Expendable: Nov 11, 2008; Lager beer is proof that god loves us; Pillbug

General Bullshit � r/relationships: I keep parrots, sue me

Unless your family line possesses a special power that allows only them to kill Dracula who gives a flying gently caress

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:40

Woozie66: Sep 8, 2009; I'll wait for the next era

Elviscat posted:

What's the logic behind car seats being good for one crash only? I know helmets are, but that's because the EPS foam gets smooshed by your head and won't work as good again. I can't think of any damage to a car seat that wouldn't be visible on close inspection.

There's a bunch of foam inside that can get damaged, similarly. And you cannot visually inspect it at all, so you absolutely should replace it each time.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:41

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Ensign Expendable posted:

General Bullshit � r/relationships: I keep parrots, sue me

Unless your family line possesses a special power that allows only them to kill Dracula who gives a flying gently caress

His only power is being massively unfunny while thinking otherwise.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:41

Irisi: Feb 18, 2009

Mx. posted:

AITA for not giving my pregnant friend a car seat?

Jesus Christ. Imagine knowingly risking your newborn babys' life so you could save �60 or so on a loving car seat, probably the single most important and frequently used safety feature in a childs' life in the western world.

There's so many internal bits of plastic/metal and foam in a baby car seat, you would never know if one of them got damaged in an accident until maybe you take a corner a little too hard a month or so later, and watch the headrest of the seat decouple and your newborns' head flop sideways at 60mph.

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:43

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

I just wanna know how much dumpster diving this friend does that OPs like yeah she's definitely going to be in my garbage later, no way around it

# ? Mar 17, 2024 23:57

Woozie66: Sep 8, 2009; I'll wait for the next era

Reusing car seats is such a bad idea. Not only are they only good for one accident, they literally have expiration dates. Big box stores almost always have some kind of deal where you can bring an old/used one and even get a discount on a new one, to encourage folks to NOT do what that friend wants to do.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 00:03

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Mx. posted:

I just wanna know how much dumpster diving this friend does that OPs like yeah she's definitely going to be in my garbage later, no way around it

Yeah, like, I can understand dumpster diving at like, big stores or whatever, I know multiple people online that do it (and get hundreds of dollars worth of poo poo pretty routinely) but residential garbage is :yikes:

# ? Mar 18, 2024 00:12

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

ReelBigLizard posted:

I was at a conference recently where our head of the financial crime unit brought up how people think they're so funny putting "Illegal Drugs" or "sex worker services" in the payment descriptions for random innocent transfers between friends/spouses and how it makes for extra unnecessary workload on the compliance teams in banks so we need to encourage people to knock that off.

I had assumed by now most places would have taken a risk based approach and filtered that stuff out as a false positive unless there are any other corroborating red flags but it turns out not to be. So as a goon who pays his mortgage by providing services to overworked compliance teams I would like to please encourage all goons to do that poo poo as much as possible.

i was never planning to stop

# ? Mar 18, 2024 00:27

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Gadzuko posted:

I feel for this person, but lol at winding up with over half a million dollars (at least) from a Runescape transaction. I wonder what the original value was.

Reminds me of the guy that paid like 1000 bitcoin for a pizza back in the day.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 00:30

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Midnight Voyager posted:

His only power is being massively unfunny while thinking otherwise.

Maybe he's really good at hiding a relative's insulin/epipen/heart medicine

Batterypowered7 posted:

Reminds me of the guy that paid like 1000 bitcoin for a pizza back in the day.

It was 10,000 bitcoins. He didn't even buy the pizzas, strictly speaking, he sent to bitcoins to some guy he met online, and the guy ordered two lovely pizzas from some chain (Dominos? Papa John?) online and sent them to his house. I wonder what that guy did with the bitcoins.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 01:01

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Shanghaied posted:

Maybe he's really good at hiding a relative's insulin/epipen/heart medicine

It was 10,000 bitcoins. He didn't even buy the pizzas, strictly speaking, he sent to bitcoins to some guy he met online, and the guy ordered two lovely pizzas from some chain (Dominos? Papa John?) online and sent them to his house. I wonder what that guy did with the bitcoins.

Lost them when he forgot his stupid 'brain-wallet' password or got rug-pulled, most likely. Or the harddrive they were on ate itself.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 01:16

mossyfisk: Nov 8, 2010; FF0000

He sold it for a couple hundred dollars some time later.

# ? Mar 18, 2024 02:43

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Kitfox88 posted:

Yeah, like, I can understand dumpster diving at like, big stores or whatever, I know multiple people online that do it (and get hundreds of dollars worth of poo poo pretty routinely) but residential garbage is

If you're driving down the street and someone put out a piece of furniture or used yard equipment or something on the lawn next to their trash can, sure. I've read a bunch of online stories from people who do this the week after Christmas and swear by it as a great way to get lightly used but still viable stuff.

But actually going into the trash can where there's presumably some other bags of garbage in the can, which might be leaking food waste or something? Very :yikes:

# ? Mar 18, 2024 03:03

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

They tell you to mix pills into something gross like cat litter when you throw them out; guess we have to start pouring cat litter on car seats now

# ? Mar 18, 2024 03:07

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

AITA for not going to my boyfriends birthday lunch?

quote:

AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend for how he interacted with another girl and confronting him about it, resulting in him uninviting me from his birthday lunch?

For context, I’ve only met this girl a handful of times. The first time was at a game night, and my other friend texted me while we were all at the table asking what was up with this other chick because she felt like she was glaring at me the entire night and would barely talk to me or anything….

Fast forward to thanksgiving and me and my boyfriend are living together. It’s the Saturday after thanksgiving and he’s invited by this girl to a Friendsgiving which is nice, but I thought it was kind of weird that I wasn’t invited since I’m his live in girlfriend, but whatever maybe she has a small place or something. Now they talk all the time, and anytime she needs work done at her house it’s my boyfriend she asks to come to her rescue. He works a LOT and doesn’t have much free time, but he gladly has been spending lots of time at her place doing all the handyman stuff she needs. She has a boyfriend, yet it’s my boyfriend she calls late at night crying when she’s stressed or overwhelmed and he’ll go into another room to talk on the phone with her. She even told him like a week ago that she was wanting to break up with her boyfriend even though he’s nice, has a house, and a legit career and makes good money because she just doesn’t feel that spark with him.

She messaged me a few weeks ago asking for ideas of something special to get my boyfriend for his birthday. She suggested getting her and him tickets to an event for the two of them to attend together, but wanted to make sure whatever she got him would be really nice and special. Fast forward to the day of his birthday and we’re getting ready to leave for the restaurant to meet with everyone and this girl calls him. He got super excited and answered the phone in a voice he usually uses to talk to me when he’s being lovey dovey and sweet and goes “hey honeybun!!!!” And then proceeds to talk to her in this sweet voice and she’s asking about what type of food the restaurant has and he’s offering to call the restaurant and figure out the entire menu for her that way she doesn’t have to worry about it.

He has lots of friends who are girls that I’m totally cool with, but it’s seemed weird with this girl for a while now and it just really rubbed me the wrong way that he called her “honeybun” which I thought was his special sweet name for me. AITA for not sucking it up and keeping my mouth shut for his birthday?

Um...I'm pretty sure you just became roommates somewhere along the way... :rip:

# ? Mar 18, 2024 03:29

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# ? May 30, 2024 03:59

Stefan Prodan: Jan 7, 2002; I deeply respect you as a human being... Some day I'm gonna make you *Mrs* Buck Turgidson!; Grimey Drawer

Ok I'm normally on team "let your SO have opposite sex friends and trust your partner" but calling them honeybun in front of you and all that poo poo is a bit much!!!

# ? Mar 18, 2024 03:46

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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