UFOs are real

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > UFOs are real

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syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Every plane is a UFO if you don't know what a plane looks like. Checkmate, fascists.

# ? Feb 22, 2024 04:02

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# ? May 17, 2024 20:14

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

# ? Feb 23, 2024 12:43

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

This is what our tax dollars are paying for, bold new frontiers. This woman may get a Nobel

# ? Feb 24, 2024 03:32

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Two words: Subspace

# ? Feb 24, 2024 04:25

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

with a second moon lander landing on its side, i think its safe to say the aliens are loving with our landers

# ? Feb 24, 2024 07:52

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

It's probably just alien teenagers having a lark, it's the lunar equivalent of cow tipping

# ? Feb 24, 2024 08:00

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

SniperWoreConverse posted:

This is what our tax dollars are paying for, bold new frontiers. This woman may get a Nobel

If Musk can get one

# ? Feb 24, 2024 10:37

temple: Jul 29, 2006; I have actual skeletons in my closet

https://www.aaro.mil/Portals/136/PDFs/AARO_Historical_Record_Report_Volume_1_2024.pdf
AARO report that declares everything claiming to be a ufo is fake. Whistleblowers are in shambles.

# ? Mar 12, 2024 12:38

Mulaney Power Move: Dec 30, 2004

temple posted:

https://www.aaro.mil/Portals/136/PDFs/AARO_Historical_Record_Report_Volume_1_2024.pdf
AARO report that declares everything claiming to be a ufo is fake. Whistleblowers are in shambles.

As a member of the UFO community, this confirms to me more than ever that space monsters from beyond the moon are in collusion with our government.

# ? Mar 12, 2024 12:40

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

There's a new "alien" on the grift circuit.

Doesn't look as tasty as the chorizo one, though.

# ? Mar 12, 2024 12:52

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Megillah Gorilla posted:

There's a new "alien" on the grift circuit.

Doesn't look as tasty as the chorizo one, though.

I'm a sucker for white cheddar, though

# ? Mar 12, 2024 13:04

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

i think thats confectioners sugar

# ? Mar 12, 2024 13:05

temple: Jul 29, 2006; I have actual skeletons in my closet

Mulaney Power Move posted:

As a member of the UFO community, this confirms to me more than ever that space monsters from beyond the moon are in collusion with our government.

I think some takeaways are:
Most ufo stuff was secret tech that civs accidentally saw
The skinwalker ranch dudes tried to start secret ufo agencies then claimed the govt has secret ufo agencies. Like a drug dealer snitching on their clients.
The govt is in possession of "anomalous material" because the ufo guys gave it to them. Also, it's not even space rocks and AARO has data.
Grusch was probably suckered in by the skinwalker ranch crew with this information, not knowing they were creating the controversy inside the govt themselves.

There's going to be a vol II with names and data.

Megillah Gorilla posted:

There's a new "alien" on the grift circuit.

Doesn't look as tasty as the chorizo one, though.

They aren't even trying anymore

# ? Mar 12, 2024 13:19

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

temple posted:

https://www.aaro.mil/Portals/136/PDFs/AARO_Historical_Record_Report_Volume_1_2024.pdf
AARO report that declares everything claiming to be a ufo is fake. Whistleblowers are in shambles.

Lmao this rules

# ? Mar 12, 2024 13:32

temple: Jul 29, 2006; I have actual skeletons in my closet

This is probably the most damning thing

quote:

KONA BLUE: A Proposed UAP Recovery and Reverse-Engineering Program

KONA BLUE was brought to AARO�s attention by interviewees who claimed that it was a sensitive DHS compartment to cover up the retrieval and exploitation of �non-human biologics.�114 KONA BLUE traces its origins to the DIA-managed AAWSAP/AATIP program, which was funded through a special appropriation and executed by its primary contractor, a private sector organization. DIA cancelled the program in 2012 due to lack of merit and the utility of the deliverables.

As discussed in Section IV of this report, while the official purpose of AAWSAP/AATIP was to conduct research into 12 areas of cutting edge science, the contractor team, and at least one supportive government program manager, also conducted UAP and paranormal research at a property owned by the private sector organization.When DIA cancelled this program, its supporters proposed to DHS that they create and fund a new version of AAWSAP/AATIP under a SAP.115 This proposal, codenamed KONA BLUE, would restart UAP investigations, paranormal research (including alleged �human consciousness anomalies�) and reverse-engineer any recovered off-world spacecraft that they hoped to acquire.

This proposal gained some initial traction at DHS to the point where a 35Prospective Special Access Program (PSAP) was officially requested to stand up this program, but it was eventually rejected by DHS leadership for lacking merit. As demonstrated by the proposal package and by statements from the originator, Senators Lieberman and Reid asked that the PSAP be established with the promise of additional funding.116

The proposed KONA BLUE lines of effort closely mirrored those conducted by the private sector organization for AAWSAP/AATIP.KONA BLUE�s advocates were convinced that the USG was hiding UAP technologies. They believed that creating this program under DHS would allow all of the technology and knowledge of these alleged programs to be moved under the KONA BLUE program. The program would provide a security and governing structure where it could be monitored properly by congressional oversight committees. This belief was foundational for the KONA BLUE proposal, based on the proposal documents and several interviewees who have provided the same information to AARO and Congress.117

The Oral History Initiative section of the KONA BLUE proposal was to collect data:��from an already identified and calibrated list of retired, previously highly placed government, armed services, contractor and intelligence community individuals. The oral history project will include gathering all information pertaining to the location of advanced aerospace technology and biological samples, including records, files, reports, photographs, as well as physical samples.�118

It is critical to note that no extraterrestrial craft or bodies were ever collected�this material was only assumed to exist by KONA BLUE advocates and its anticipated contract performers. This was the same assumption made by those same individuals involved with the AAWSAP/AATIP program. The SAP was never approved or stood up, and no data or material was transferred to DHS.119�

KONA BLUE was not reported to Congress at that time because it was never established as a SAP and, therefore, did not meet the threshold for congressional reporting. However, the Deputy Secretary of Defense provided a Congressional Notification concerning the program when it was identified in the spirit of transparency.

AAWSAP/AATIP was the skinwalker ranch guys, using pentagon money to hunt werewolves. Kona Blue was the secret program Grusch has hinted about. But Kona Blue was an initiative by the skinwalker ranch guys aka AAWSAP/AATIP. So, the top secret UFO/UAP program was created by the same people trying to expose it. It's silly as hell when you think about it but that's grift. Pretty smart too if the pentagon didn't catch on.

temple fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Mar 12, 2024

# ? Mar 12, 2024 13:45

Bug Squash: Mar 18, 2009

It's the Man Who Was Thursday, meets The Men Who Stare At Goats. I think this would make a great musical.

# ? Mar 12, 2024 14:54

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

Yeah, fills in the details from this thing we heard earlier:

Mulaney Power Move posted:

It's been a week since anything has dropped in this thread.

*banging fork and knives on table*

I WANT DISCLOSURE

Oh wait, what's this?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/jan/27/sean-kirkpatrick-pentagon-ufo-conspiracy-theory-myths

quote:

Conspiracy theorists working for and within the US government are perpetuating myths about UFOs that millions of taxpayer dollars are then spent looking into, a �self-licking ice cream cone�, according to the Pentagon�s former chief investigator of unidentified anomalous phenomena (UAP).

# ? Mar 12, 2024 14:54

GABA ghoul: Oct 29, 2011

The real ontological shock was the friends we made along the way

# ? Mar 12, 2024 15:09

RatHat: Dec 31, 2007; A tiny behatted rat👒🐀!

I can�t say I expected this all to be a grift for a dumb History channel show

# ? Mar 12, 2024 15:28

naem: May 29, 2011

so they tried to create a government agency and have rules passed they they totally get to own the investigation of any alien aircraft or dead bodies,

and then went looking for aliens aircraft and /or bodies (none to be had)

and their evidence to get funding was �there is a top secret government agency that looks for aliens so it must be true!�

# ? Mar 12, 2024 21:41

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Thank you Thor!

# ? Mar 12, 2024 21:42

Waffle House: Oct 27, 2004; You follow the path
fitting into an infinite pattern.

Yours to manipulate, to destroy and rebuild.

Now, in the quantum moment
before the closure
when all become one.

One moment left.
One point of space and time.

I know who you are.

You are Destiny.

It wouldn't surprise me if a lot of the disclosure community is just grifters

# ? Mar 12, 2024 21:53

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Whew good thing this government investigation has proven no government wrongdoing of any kind it's all bullshit as expected

# ? Mar 12, 2024 22:39

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

The only result that would ever satisfy UFO Conspiracy theorists is if the majority leader rolls out wheelbarrows full of alien corpses onto the floor of congress.

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:39

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

The only result that would ever satisfy UFO Conspiracy theorists is if the majority leader rolls out wheelbarrows full of alien corpses onto the floor of congress.

FAKE NEWS

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:41

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

So that report is saying that aliens have infiltrated americas government?

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:47

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Non Compos Mentis posted:

So that report is saying that aliens have infiltrated americas government?

It would be the next logical step yes?

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:49

Spazzle: Jul 5, 2003

Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

The only result that would ever satisfy UFO Conspiracy theorists is if the majority leader rolls out wheelbarrows full of alien corpses onto the floor of congress.

Don't be fooled by their distractions. Keep your eyes on the truth. They want us to ignore the threat of the interdimensional visitors.

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:53

TEMPLE GRANDIN OS: Dec 10, 2003; ...blyat

I thought I saw an alien but it was THE CREATURE

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:54

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Thank you Thor

# ? Mar 13, 2024 04:54

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

Impossibly Perfect Sphere posted:

The only result that would ever satisfy UFO Conspiracy theorists is if the majority leader rolls out wheelbarrows full of alien corpses onto the floor of congress.

lies, i know fake aliens when i see em those are doctored bodies fabricated in a cia black site

# ? Mar 13, 2024 05:31

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

redshirt posted:

FAKE NEWS

Spazzle posted:

Don't be fooled by their distractions. Keep your eyes on the truth. They want us to ignore the threat of the interdimensional visitors.

these goons get it

# ? Mar 13, 2024 05:32

GABA ghoul: Oct 29, 2011

The report only says there is no evidence of alienS, plural. There might still be one single alien. The report doesn't say anything about that

# ? Mar 13, 2024 10:03

dr_rat: Jun 4, 2001

Just one very bored alien, randomly anal probing and crop circling just to waste some time while waiting for a lift to arrive off this jerk rear end planet.

Hey wait, is that just a skinny, grey Ford Prefect?

# ? Mar 13, 2024 10:21

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

GABA ghoul posted:

The report only says there is no evidence of alienS, plural. There might still be one single alien. The report doesn't say anything about that

The Greys aren't aliens, they are time travelers. Nothing in this report to refute time travelers.

# ? Mar 19, 2024 09:59

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

wait are greys us from the future? are they coming back because they have no junk to gently caress with?

# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:16

dr_rat: Jun 4, 2001

Non Compos Mentis posted:

wait are greys us from the future? are they coming back because they have no junk to gently caress with?

Yes, that is indeed our junkless future in times fifty million years from now!

Edit: Crap, sorry, did the math wrong, that should be fifty million seconds from now, so like twelve days.

Yeah, not gonna lie, looking like it's gonna be a real rough twelve days everybody.

dr_rat fucked around with this message at 10:25 on Mar 19, 2024

# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:21

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Non Compos Mentis posted:

wait are greys us from the future? are they coming back because they have no junk to gently caress with?

Of course they are us. They look almost exactly like us. They look more like us than 99% of species native to earth -- no way they evolved on a completely different planet.

I'm not sure if they have no junk, or if they are actually wearing futuristic isolation suits and the hicks they probe were too dumb to realize it. Hazmat suits are way more advanced and streamlined in the far future.

What's with all the butt stuff? They are us. :colbert:

Or they want to collect tissue samples from an area where scarring won't be obvious.

# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:21

Regular Wario: Mar 27, 2010; Slippery Tilde

they hid the real story in stargate all along

# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:25

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# ? May 17, 2024 20:14

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Future butt stuff

# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:43

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