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StrangersInTheNight posted:it's fully spinning out at no longer having control over the situation and deciding to be petty with the remaining influence they do have I think the question is, why do you need the other person's consent to end the marriage in the first place? Why can't it be entirely one-sided, like a non-marriage breakup, or exiting most other kinds of contract? I assume the answer is "historical patriachy"
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 15:24 |
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# ? May 29, 2024 01:17 |
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Elfface posted:I don't understand how 'I won't sign the papers' etc. is a thing, other than 'women are property and not allowed to run away' holdovers. If someone wants a divorce, division of assets etc. might take time and need a lawyer, but the process of 'ok you aren't married any more' seems like it should take five minutes. The courts are overloaded and when the parties are arguing over who wants what it can take a while before the legal system has time to sort it out.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 15:25 |
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Elfface posted:I don't understand how 'I won't sign the papers' etc. is a thing, other than 'women are property and not allowed to run away' holdovers. If someone wants a divorce, division of assets etc. might take time and need a lawyer, but the process of 'ok you aren't married any more' seems like it should take five minutes. The division of joint assets, decisions on child custody, sorting out major changes in legal status, and the like all take time, and ethically the marriage shouldn't end until that's sorted out because 'not being married' has significant effects. For example, being 'no longer married' means you're no longer a spouse for insurance coverage, do you really think one partner in the marriage should be able to just cut the other completely out of health, life, and car insurance in five minutes with a simple statement to a judge? Do you think that someone should be able to file paperwork that says 'Joe wants to divorce Jim' and have Jim's access to Joe in the hospital immediately cut off? On the flip side of 'women are property and not allowed to run away', what about 'Jim divorces Jane, Jim takes Jane's name off of any joint accounts since she's not a spouse and thus not entitled to be there, Jane now has no money for rent or food and no income since she was a SAHM' or 'GI Joe divorces Jane, Jane now immediately is no longer eligible to stay in her house on the military base since she is not the spouse of someone in the Army'. I mean, if there's no joint assets, no children, and no complicated legal entanglement to be sorted out in a potential divorce and you want to be able to get divorced in five minutes, why get a state marriage in the first place? You can call someone your husband, wife, or spouse without a legal marriage, and then you can stop calling them that without even a five minute delay at any time you want. I'd love to see a bunch of the laws around marriage overhauled, but I don't think 'five minute one-party divorce' should be a thing - if there are no issues to sort out in the divorce, then the marriage was probably not needed in the first place. Plus expecting a court to do anything in 'five minutes' is just wildly unrealistic even when they're not overloaded, like pretty much all US courts are.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 16:32 |
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Odd posted:Oooh my friend, what you have there is a verifiable rock from back in the 80s, straight from the CIA themselves. I'll give you 5 dollars for it and i'll suck yo *Antiques Roadshow has been cancelled*
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 16:33 |
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FMguru posted:Remember this open marriage story from a couple of weeks ago? Spousal support & refusing to sign things mostly
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 17:19 |
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Pantaloon Pontiff posted:The division of joint assets, decisions on child custody, sorting out major changes in legal status, and the like all take time, and ethically the marriage shouldn't end until that's sorted out because 'not being married' has significant effects. For example, being 'no longer married' means you're no longer a spouse for insurance coverage, do you really think one partner in the marriage should be able to just cut the other completely out of health, life, and car insurance in five minutes with a simple statement to a judge? Do you think that someone should be able to file paperwork that says 'Joe wants to divorce Jim' and have Jim's access to Joe in the hospital immediately cut off? On the flip side of 'women are property and not allowed to run away', what about 'Jim divorces Jane, Jim takes Jane's name off of any joint accounts since she's not a spouse and thus not entitled to be there, Jane now has no money for rent or food and no income since she was a SAHM' or 'GI Joe divorces Jane, Jane now immediately is no longer eligible to stay in her house on the military base since she is not the spouse of someone in the Army'. All of that stuff is fair, but my country at least requires people to be separated and do counseling for an entire year before they're allowed to start the divorce proceedings, which seems overkill. Presumably at the point where you decide you want a divorce, you have already tried other things and thought this through, so forcibly adding an entire year at least to this process seems like it's meant to make people decide that this is too much effort. Keep in mind the separation requires you to live separately, so that's even more time spent in a marriage at least one person doesn't want to be in any more.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 17:27 |
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Fil5000 posted:There's no reason for divorce to be anything other than easy and cheap aside from us all repeatedly voting conservatives into positions of power. And even then in the UK we made one of the worlds most divorced men into our prime minister and as a result our divorce process got streamlined. It still costs six hundred quid though. Getting rid of no-fault divorces is increasingly becoming a standard American right wing legislative priority.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 17:33 |
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sullat posted:Spousal support & refusing to sign things mostly
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 17:38 |
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haveblue posted:I think the question is, why do you need the other person's consent to end the marriage in the first place? Why can't it be entirely one-sided, like a non-marriage breakup, or exiting most other kinds of contract? It's a termination of a contract so you don't 'need' the other person's consent they can just make it as difficult as possible to wind down the joint venture. They can just get served a legal notice to get the process started, which becomes its own hassle. Gary Owens has talked about his divorce where he was dodging process servers from his wife who filed in CA and she was dodging his process server from his filing in OH. If I remember correctly after several months of him having a guy who would stop people coming up to him at his comedy shows, his server finally served his wife by catching her stuck in a fast food drive through.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 17:38 |
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Cloacamazing! posted:All of that stuff is fair, but my country at least requires people to be separated and do counseling for an entire year before they're allowed to start the divorce proceedings, which seems overkill. Presumably at the point where you decide you want a divorce, you have already tried other things and thought this through, so forcibly adding an entire year at least to this process seems like it's meant to make people decide that this is too much effort. Keep in mind the separation requires you to live separately, so that's even more time spent in a marriage at least one person doesn't want to be in any more. The people I know in the US who went through the no-fault divorce process still took over 6 months to finalize everything, because there was a mandatory 5 month cooling off period, which seems excessive given that, like you said, by the time the paperwork is filed, other measures were already exhausted and things are likely already well past the point of no return. Likewise, simplifying the system to be able to unilaterally pull a "surprise, you aren't married anymore!" move on a person could be used to really gently caress people over.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 17:51 |
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I used to practice family law, and I've had to go to court for things as dumb as both parties refusing to agree on who should clean the garage out before selling the house and each asking the judge to order the other one to do it. You can be extremely petty if you're creative enough.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:05 |
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quote:DEAR AMY: Several years ago, my father and his wife visited me for a week. Missing missing reasons from the adult child's side, an interesting variation
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:19 |
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Cloacamazing! posted:All of that stuff is fair, but my country at least requires people to be separated and do counseling for an entire year before they're allowed to start the divorce proceedings, which seems overkill. Presumably at the point where you decide you want a divorce, you have already tried other things and thought this through, so forcibly adding an entire year at least to this process seems like it's meant to make people decide that this is too much effort. Keep in mind the separation requires you to live separately, so that's even more time spent in a marriage at least one person doesn't want to be in any more. Yes, my state generally requires a one-year seperation before you can get a no-fault divorce and I don't think it should. But that doesn't mean that a divorce should be a five-minute procedure as easy as deciding 'we're not going steady anymore', especially when only one party has agreed to the terms of the divorce, there are joint assets, children, and legal statuses involved. And like I said before if there aren't joint assets, kids, or any legal statuses to worry about, why bother getting the state involved with the marriage at all? Just call yourselves married under whatever religion or tradition or fiction you like, and don't get the courts involved to begin with.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:24 |
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And there are whole law firms who specialize in making it agonizing for your spouse (while also billing you by the hour for the privilege).
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:29 |
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trickybiscuits posted:Missing missing reasons from the adult child's side, an interesting variation
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:32 |
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zynga dot com posted:I used to practice family law, and I've had to go to court for things as dumb as both parties refusing to agree on who should clean the garage out before selling the house and each asking the judge to order the other one to do it. You can be extremely petty if you're creative enough.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:34 |
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What happens when the Spirit of Pete crosses over with the Ghost of Columbo AITAH, For immediately dumping my gf because she lied quote:So, a bit of context. I (M24) had been dating my now ex (W21), who will be referred to as K, for roughly 1.5 years up to this point a few days ago. Having dealt with getting cheated on in HS, I made it very clear to her that I tolerate no level of cheating and any which case would immediately end our relationship. She stays out of state from me, but not terribly far at only 45 mins drive between us, so we see each other every other week as we both work and I'm in college. She informed me a few weeks prior that she had a friend coming into town and that he wanted some weed, but they are a medical only state, and I'm in a recreational state. So, in turn, I give her some pre-rolls to give to him once he gets into town. Now, at this point, I have no sense of mistrust in K at all. She told the get down about how they were gonna link for a gym session and he'd grab the joints, and that'd be it. I haven't bothered to ask for his name, what he looks like, etc. All I knew was that they went to HS together, they hadn't seen each other in a couple years, and he was coming into town to visit family at no exact date.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 18:46 |
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Splicer posted:I assume there's a point of "refusing to sign things" that whatever the divorce equivalent of default judgement kicks in. Yeah but it still takes some time since you have to get a couple of no-shows at court to get the judge to sign off on it. e: in the NY Times story about the last Jew in Afghanistan if you read between the lines it sounds like one of the reasons he doesn't want to leave is that if he goes to Israel his wife will be able to divorce him and he wants to drag out the process. sullat fucked around with this message at 19:06 on Mar 25, 2024 |
# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:03 |
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quote:AITAH, For immediately dumping my gf because she lied Dude made the right call, if someone is arguing 'you don't know if anything ACTUALLY' happened you should just treat it as the thing actually happened. The lying and misdirection is a problem, and indicates that she was planning to do something, even if she didn't follow through with it. Also anytime mutual friends are pressuring one person to give the other one 'a chance' like this, I'm pretty sure that the one who needs a chance has been spreading a really biased version of events. MagusofStars posted:I love the pettiness of hundreds of dollars on legal fees just prove "I am right and want to make you deal with it, you rear end in a top hat" rather than spending like an hour tossing poo poo into trash bags. LOL if you're limiting it to 'hundreds', that's the bare minimum for getting a lawyer involved or filing much paperwork. Relatively ordinary (that is, not super-rich) people spend tens of thousands of dollars on this kind of thing.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:04 |
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FMguru posted:What happens when the Spirit of Pete crosses over with the Ghost of Columbo But why would they rent a motel room to smoke weed lol; given that she was obviously cheating on him.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:09 |
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Why yes, the one thing that you can do in a motel room that they will be able to notice after you leave, that makes perfect sense Don’t, like, go to the woods or the beach or a public park or anything to smoke, where the wind will take it away, go to an enclosed space that just so happens to have a bed Great excuse, totally buy it
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:14 |
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Yeah I'm guessing that once she found out he knew about her not being at work, she got worried he might know about the hotel room somehow too, and just hadn't revealed it yet. Better get out in front of it! We totally weren't boning in the hotel room, we were just smoking weed!
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:16 |
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Pantaloon Pontiff posted:Dude made the right call, if someone is arguing 'you don't know if anything ACTUALLY' happened you should just treat it as the thing actually happened.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:19 |
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AITA for yelling at my son for "not trusting us"quote:My (44f) son (16m) recently got a job after searching for a while. He recently got his first paycheck and talked about buying a car. I was supportive and asked him what sort of car he intended to buy. He said he was gonna find the cheapest "squak - box"(?) he could find.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:20 |
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Elfface posted:I don't understand how 'I won't sign the papers' etc. is a thing, other than 'women are property and not allowed to run away' holdovers. If someone wants a divorce, division of assets etc. might take time and need a lawyer, but the process of 'ok you aren't married any more' seems like it should take five minutes. To be fair I've seen & heard it on both sides with someone refusing to sign/meet, making excuses, or coming up with all sorts of poo poo to drag out the divorce. I don't know all the details but I know my older brother did that to his ex wife, I think the whole process went on for almost 5 years start to finish (yes, he's a piece of garbage & I went NC a while ago).
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:25 |
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How dare you think we would punish you like a child. Go to your room!
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:28 |
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AKA Pseudonym posted:AITA for yelling at my son for "not trusting us" Yeah, no idea why this son wouldn't trust the mom not to take the car away, sounds like there's something terribly wrong with the kid and the mother is being completely reasonable!
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:40 |
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quote:We moved to a lakefront house. Our grandsons (5 and 7) were over with their mother. After dinner, as the adults were cleaning up, we told the kids not to go near the water. However, the 5-year-old did so anyway and would not obey when we told him to get out and come back by the house. I had to pick him up and carry him, kicking and screaming, and sit him in a chair. He was still defiant and screaming for several minutes. The incident spoiled a really fun day. My DIL approved, as he often won’t listen and is punished with time-outs at home. If we had not seen him, it could have led to a tragic outcome. We want the grandkids to have fun but stay safe. We can threaten punishment, but this won’t necessarily stop the behavior. So, I have two questions. What can we do beforehand to prevent this and did I take the correct action at the time?
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:45 |
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FMguru posted:What happens when the Spirit of Pete crosses over with the Ghost of Columbo She was lying about being at work but if she was there any employee in their right mind if someone asked if she was there would say no. If some dude comes to a workplace and asks if someone is there and you don't intimately know their relationship and who this person is, you always say no. Could be a stalker, could be an ex. Never reveal the location of someone to somebody asking.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:46 |
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So here's the fun a divorce can have even if you don't own a house or have any kids or really anything. Guy I knew was cheated on so just instantly broke up and moved out of their shared 1br apartment. They both had good jobs so she could afford the place on her own, and he got a new place on his own. For no reason she tried to do everything she could to make the divorce as slow and miserable as possible. But like, what could she possible do? Not much really, or so he thought. Worst she could do is just make it take a long time, he was fine with her having absolutely everything in the apartment so long as he got to cleanly walk away. Over a year goes by and the process is stalled out but who cares, he will be divorced in the end and he can keep ignoring her until then. That is, until he realizes they had some sort of joint account that didn't have much money in it that he didn't even notice. She somehow figured out some weird poo poo she could do through the bank with that account and applying for a mortgage on a condo. I don't quite understand the specifics, but it ended up loving his credit in the short term and preventing him from getting the business loans he needed to launch his company. It only delayed things a few months because lawyers got involved and it was proved she was doing this knowingly to get at him and was considered a form of fraud, but those months were long enough that he lost the option on the workshop space he had arranged, some staff he promised to hire who then had to move away, you name it. It would be nice if in a divorce like that one party could just press some sort of legal "eject" button and be fully divorced within the week so long as there's no contested assets or you're willing to concede everything.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 19:52 |
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zynga dot com posted:I used to practice family law, and I've had to go to court for things as dumb as both parties refusing to agree on who should clean the garage out before selling the house and each asking the judge to order the other one to do it. You can be extremely petty if you're creative enough. I had a contested hearing to vary a parenting order on one day by like 4 hours so a 5 year old kid could stay longer at a birthday party, and not have to be picked up by dad after being dropped off by mom. I had the most bemused judge ever listening to opposing counsel list off the details of this extremely elaborate party for a kindergartener's birthday. My client got kicked out of the courtroom because he couldn't stop having demonstrative, exasperated reactions and muttering poo poo under his breath. I walked out of the courtroom and he was still pacing the vestibule, red faced. I greeted him with "we won, dumbass". Probably cost the parents $3000 between them and literally nothing was accomplished. e: and these were people who had already finalized their divorce! Have kids? You can keep that legal battle going until all the kids are no longer eligible for support! Larry Cum Free fucked around with this message at 20:05 on Mar 25, 2024 |
# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:02 |
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Carolyn Hax: Dad encourages their young son’s sore-winner behaviorquote:Dear Carolyn: I fully acknowledge this is a stupid problem, but here goes. quote:Stupid Games, Stupid Prizes: No, please don’t give up. New script: “I don’t care At. All. whether I win a game, with a child or anyone else. By describing it as ‘no fun’ to play these no-win games with you two, I see I gave the wrong impression that it was just about the winning itself. I'm curious whether anyone knows what this lovely card game is that the OP is talking about.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:04 |
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Baronjutter posted:So here's the fun a divorce can have even if you don't own a house or have any kids or really anything. Guy I knew was cheated on so just instantly broke up and moved out of their shared 1br apartment. They both had good jobs so she could afford the place on her own, and he got a new place on his own. For no reason she tried to do everything she could to make the divorce as slow and miserable as possible. But like, what could she possible do? Not much really, or so he thought. Worst she could do is just make it take a long time, he was fine with her having absolutely everything in the apartment so long as he got to cleanly walk away. Over a year goes by and the process is stalled out but who cares, he will be divorced in the end and he can keep ignoring her until then. That is, until he realizes they had some sort of joint account that didn't have much money in it that he didn't even notice. She somehow figured out some weird poo poo she could do through the bank with that account and applying for a mortgage on a condo. I don't quite understand the specifics, but it ended up loving his credit in the short term and preventing him from getting the business loans he needed to launch his company. It only delayed things a few months because lawyers got involved and it was proved she was doing this knowingly to get at him and was considered a form of fraud, but those months were long enough that he lost the option on the workshop space he had arranged, some staff he promised to hire who then had to move away, you name it. I've got a similar story with an ex except replace mortgage fraud with tax fraud. I can't eFile anymore and I get flagged for audits all the time
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:05 |
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Pantaloon Pontiff posted:LOL if you're limiting it to 'hundreds', that's the bare minimum for getting a lawyer involved or filing much paperwork. Relatively ordinary (that is, not super-rich) people spend tens of thousands of dollars on this kind of thing.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:05 |
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Baronjutter posted:It would be nice if in a divorce like that one party could just press some sort of legal "eject" button and be fully divorced within the week so long as there's no contested assets or you're willing to concede everything. For the first decade or so* of Bolshevik rule in Soviet Russia, there was this thing called the "postcard divorce" where anyone could legally end a marriage with maybe an hour's worth of paperwork at the local registry office, after which the other partner would be notified by mail (if they weren't physically nearby) that they were no longer married to the one that had initiated the divorce. *I don't remember exactly when this practice ended, but I'm pretty sure it lasted through the NEP period into Stalin's regime, and was certainly gone by the time he died.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:05 |
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FMguru posted:What happens when the Spirit of Pete crosses over with the Ghost of Columbo Cheating is bad but this creep drove an hour to stalk his gf because she turned off location and didn't immediately text back when she was supposed to be at work. I hope he stays single.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:06 |
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Pantaloon Pontiff posted:Yes, my state generally requires a one-year seperation before you can get a no-fault divorce and I don't think it should. But that doesn't mean that a divorce should be a five-minute procedure as easy as deciding 'we're not going steady anymore', especially when only one party has agreed to the terms of the divorce, there are joint assets, children, and legal statuses involved. And like I said before if there aren't joint assets, kids, or any legal statuses to worry about, why bother getting the state involved with the marriage at all? Just call yourselves married under whatever religion or tradition or fiction you like, and don't get the courts involved to begin with. You shouldn't have an instant "marriage off" button, but one partner should be able to initiate the divorce proceedings without mandatory wait phases or without the other partner's ability to prolong the marriage. Divorce proceedings would include the division of joint assets, legal status, children, etc. My gripe is with the system enforcing wait times before any of this can even get started.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:07 |
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FMguru posted:What happens when the Spirit of Pete crosses over with the Ghost of Columbo I mean apparently he was right and all but why are you in a relationship with someone if your first reaction to things is to spend like a day and a half stalking them & going down a rabbit hole of relationship paranoia? Dude needs some fuckin therapy asap or needs to stop dating lovely people
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:10 |
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Yeah dude is lucky he was right because it could’ve just as easily been her posting “I stayed home to take care of my mom and my crazy now-ex drove all over town looking for me.”
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:13 |
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# ? May 29, 2024 01:17 |
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I guess it sort of depends. I would have thought he was overly paranoid unless she had actually said that they got a motel room, but if, for example, she normally texts him 100 times a day and is constantly telling him where she is and what's happening and always responds to texts immediately, and then she suddenly stops doing that when her friend is around and it's very out of character I could see that arousing suspicion or concern even if he isn't normally paranoid.
mystes fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Mar 25, 2024 |
# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:16 |