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"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!" "I see. So you risk your lives, knowing death is the final end?" "No! We do not believe in hell! However, you DO have a soul that carries on after you die." "Oh... okay. What happens to it?" "After death, it travels to another dimension! A really scary one! There your soul suffers for eternity!" "So hell?" "None of your superstitious nonsense, heretic! This is no hell. It is the warp, a dimension ruled by chaotic gods." "I thought there weren't any gods?" "There aren't! And there are four of them. No demons either! But there are daemons." "I'm so confused." "If you knew the Emperor's will, you would be illuminated and no longer lost in ignorance." "This Emperor, is he powerful?" "Beyond compare! He is the one who led us away from superstition, religious dogma, and silly beliefs in fairy tales." "Wow. Where is he now?" "He's dead!" "Oh. Bummer." "Yes, dead and 40,000+ years old. And still large and in charge." "Huh?" "His brain lives! Kind of!" "But he was alive for tens of thousands of years? How is that possible? With science?" "No! He is a powerful psychic. His power is beyond compare. He can see the future, control time and space itself, and shoot fireballs and lightning probably." "But I thought you said magic didn't..." "Speak not of magic! Such barbaric concepts Our emperor was born of a moment when ancient mystical shaman sacrificed themselves, their souls joining together into a Super Soul, and thus the Emperor came into being." "It sure sounds like-" "It's not magic! It's all very scientific. You just don't understand." "Well, I suppose you guys do have some impressive scientific abilities. So it can't be all... um... not-magic. How does it work?" "No clue!" "Oh. Ok." "All thanks to the Machine Spirit and the Omnissiah it works!" "But I thought you said-" "No gods! Only men. The Emperor is just a man. A powerful one, but a man no less. And he's the Machine God. Maybe. But not a god. But you must worship him. As a god." "Just a man. A man who is thousands of years old and is immortal and psychic and is dead but not dead and also has fireballs?" "Yes. Now you understand." "..." "Did I tell you about the time that the Emperor, in medieval Terra, defeated a literal dragon who was eating all the princesses? Took that dragon straight to Mars and locked it away, he did!" "WTF"
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:11 |
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# ? May 15, 2024 02:50 |
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i cant read all this, next time use 40k less words
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:15 |
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lighting the astronomicon was a mistake
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:15 |
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I like the orks
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:15 |
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this is literally what scientologists believe
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:16 |
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Painting things red makes them go faster much like putting as much argb as possible in your computer makes it go faster
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:17 |
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Eclipse12 posted:"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!"
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:17 |
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Data's evil brother is in Warhammer???
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:20 |
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Warhammer 40k is idiot poo poo for fuckers OP
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:21 |
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cool
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:27 |
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i guess gbs has a 40k thread now. ill check back in in about 500 pages
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:27 |
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yeah it is... a hoot of WEED
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:27 |
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Look, these 100 books about the Horus Heresy ain't gonna read themselves.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:31 |
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I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore and being as edgy as humanly possible
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:32 |
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Nooner posted:I like the orks Hell yeah. Orks are best. Played them in tabletop when I played ages ago. Have an ork tattoo for some reason. Love me Orks
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:32 |
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EorayMel posted:I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore the point is actually that fascism is epically ftw
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:32 |
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the emojis are saying the words
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:35 |
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the imperium is a land of contrasts
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:38 |
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jokes get real bad when nerds retell them 40,000 times. goons of all people should understand this
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:39 |
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I don't know anything about 40k, ok bye guys
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:39 |
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Putty posted:I don't know anything about 40k, ok bye guys
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:40 |
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Nooner posted:I like the dorks
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:40 |
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this is the orklover thread. dorklover thread is over there —> https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=4055373
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:43 |
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:i guess gbs has a 40k thread now. ill check back in in about 500 pages I won't
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:43 |
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I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:49 |
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Eclipse12 posted:I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please. hobby store pencilhands
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:50 |
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It's called Warhammer 40k because it costs $40,000 to get your first army
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:51 |
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Eclipse12 posted:I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please. bet you haven’t even tried to strike up a conversation about ethics in gaming journalism
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:52 |
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EorayMel posted:I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore and being as edgy as humanly possible Vampire Panties fucked around with this message at 20:57 on Mar 25, 2024 |
# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:54 |
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TrashMammal posted:bet you haven’t even tried to strike up a conversation about ethics in gaming journalism That's why I don't have any friends to begin with.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 20:54 |
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i have read all the books
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:02 |
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:i have read all the books that doesnt surprise me at all
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:03 |
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in one of the books there is an ork
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:05 |
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Larry Cum Free posted:yeah it is... BRB doing weed
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:05 |
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Nooner posted:I like the orks Regretfully agreeing with nooner
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:05 |
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:in one of the books there is an ork bullshit
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:07 |
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:08 |
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i like the sandy mitchell book
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:10 |
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Redwall 40,000
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:10 |
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# ? May 15, 2024 02:50 |
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kntfkr posted:Redwall 40,000 lmfao ok now we're talking.
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# ? Mar 25, 2024 21:40 |