r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Xun: Apr 25, 2010

Ngl that car could be a shitbox fiat and I would still be weirded out if I told someone to not mess with it and they immediately do it for the lulz

# ? Mar 26, 2024 05:13

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# ? May 30, 2024 10:45

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Lol it's the car from Ferris Bueller.

Xun posted:

Ngl that car could be a shitbox fiat and I would still be weirded out if I told someone to not mess with it and they immediately do it for the lulz

But yeah that, major red flag.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 05:46

Tom Tucker: Jul 19, 2003; I want to warn you fellers
And tell you one by one
What makes a gallows rope to swing
A woman and a gun

Poor dude is three months into this honeypot heist only to be thwarted by Reddit.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 05:56

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

My fianc�e left me because of my wedding vows

quote:

We (36M and 38F) were together for 3 years. She is the love of my life. Caring, easy to please and very calm. I thought we would be together forever. I proposed after 2 years and the wedding had already being paid. Everything was ready, I let her decide all the things because she had all this dreams about it.

I thought she appreciated my humour. Sure, she got mad sometimes, but I didn�t really think it was this big of a problem, just a difference of sense of humour. I wanted to make funny vows, because wedding are a bit boring and I wanted to entertain the guests.

She found the speech on my laptop two weeks before the ceremony and went completely crazy. Told me this was the last drop. That I never took anything serious, that she couldn�t imagine living her life with someone who doesn�t show any respect towards her.

I told her I didn�t meant any disrespect only want to make some funny jokes. She left anyway, blocked me anywhere and cancelled everything. Her parents were paying for most things and I try reasoning with them to speak with her, but they told me to leave them alone.

It�s been six months and I don�t know how to move on. I love her so much, how can she do that to me?

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:05

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Hughlander posted:

My fianc�e left me because of my wedding vows

"Caring, easy to please, calm" is like... a massively red flag list if it's the only thing you have to say about your fiance. Red flag 2 is "she gets mad sometimes".

what you like about your fiance: doesn't take up much space. Gets mad sometimes, but not mad enough I can't ignore it!

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:07

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

Post the jokes

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:10

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Daaaaamn girl you calm af :heysexy:

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:13

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

haveblue posted:

Post the jokes

quote:

I don�t have them anymore. I broke my laptop in a lapse of judgment because I was very angry at the situation. I remember having writing some light jokes about not looking at other women even when if they�re sexy and things like this. Nothing that would cause this feelings extreme reaction

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:26

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Oh so he values a calm woman and has laptop-breaking spikes of rage, I see.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:28

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

He does boast an impressive collection of red flags

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:28

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Whom amongst us has not destroyed our laptop because our jokes were so bad

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:29

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

I'm not mad. Please don't put in your wedding vows that I'm mad.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:30

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

AITA for using physical illustrations to get my gf to understand my point of view?

quote:

My girlfriend (25F) and I (30M) have been together for 2 years. She�s a pretty big impulse spender and although she�s gotten better she�s not very good with money and recently had her hours reduced at her job so lately I�ve been having to put up more financial help than just my half. Today she wanted to get books, she bought 3 all which are $20-30 each.

Originally she had a handful of books she was carrying and I told her that we can�t really be having her buying all these books. She told me that she didn�t wanna buy them all I just didn�t understand and she wanted to carry them and will probably put most of them back at the checkout. (Granted she�s an impulse buyer and I�ve seen her buy a stack of books bc they looked pretty) I explained that I get that but carrying all those books will make it hard for her to choose and I didn�t know she had any interest of taking any back if she�s carrying a bunch. She brushed it off. I asked if I can give her an example of how it looks she said sure

15 minutes later we go to Walmart and I grab a cart and start grabbing random objects from the shelves and putting in the cart. She tells me �babe, we don�t need all of that�. I said �yes I understand but I have no intention of buying it I just wanna carry them til checkout�

She gets mad and I said �you see from your perspective you had no context bc I�m just putting things in our cart? It�s the same thing I felt earlier with the books�

She stormed off and went to the car to sit down. AITA?

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:30

deoju: Jul 11, 2004; All the pieces matter.; Nap Ghost

haveblue posted:

Post the jokes

Reddit wanted the same.

The reply...

quote:

I don’t have them anymore. I broke my laptop in a lapse of judgment because I was very angry at the situation. I remember having writing some light jokes about not looking at other women even when if they’re sexy and things like this. Nothing that would cause this feelings extreme reaction

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:32

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

selec posted:

Dan Savage, may he rest in peace, had at least one good take, which is that snooping is wrong unless you find something, in which case you were right to follow your instincts. You have to fess up either way, but if they make a bigger deal out of the snooping than the cheating, they kinda ended the relationship for you right there.

This is literally what happened in my buddy�s ongoing journey of finding out his partner wasn�t being faithful. Several conversations to get her to understand that in no way would he ever feel guilty for looking considering what he found, it just won�t ever happen, stop bringing it up. Yeah; they�re getting divorced.

Yeah, a friend of mine decided to snoop on her partner's facebook after he asked to open the relationship. He admitted he had someone in mind, but claimed it hadn't gone any further. To nobody's surprise it had. Going by her partner's reaction, the snooping was at least as bad as the cheating, actually probably worse.

Roughly a month later he found out that his affair partner had also been seeing five other guys and that was somehow shocking.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 06:50

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Yeah, that's why so many of these stories have some thoroughly not-credible bit about how they just happened to spot their partner's unlocked phone which just happened to be receiving a text message full of hearts and kisses - because if they admit they got suspicious and started snooping, then commenters would focus on how awful the snooping was and not the issue at hand.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 07:03

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Cloacamazing! posted:

Yeah, a friend of mine decided to snoop on her partner's facebook after he asked to open the relationship. He admitted he had someone in mind, but claimed it hadn't gone any further. To nobody's surprise it had. Going by her partner's reaction, the snooping was at least as bad as the cheating, actually probably worse.

Roughly a month later he found out that his affair partner had also been seeing five other guys and that was somehow shocking.

I'm frankly impressed by the time management.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 07:15

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Captain Hygiene posted:

Whom amongst us has not destroyed our laptop because our jokes were so bad

I pull a fresh one off the pile about every three posts.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 07:32

welcome to hell: Jun 9, 2006

This initial post isn't particularly interesting.

AITA for calling my best friends girlfriend homophobic and rolling my eyes at her?

quote:

This whole thing is frustrating but let me explain. I have three best friends. Two are guys and one is a girl. We've been friends for most of our lives and we're all 24/25 now. Our larger friend group also includes a mix of guys and girls but we're not as close to them but still we do hang out when we can.

One of my best friends, Nick, has a girlfriend Emily. Emily doesn't love that we have a girl best friend, Piper. Emily is incredibly jealous of Piper and acts very uncomfortable around her. She has a problem with me as well. She doesn't like that I refuse to exclude Piper. This came up around Nick's birthday because I threw him a small birthday party with all our friends, Nick's siblings and Emily. Emily wanted me to not invite Piper and she even suggested I could reduce the number of people invited since it was in my home. But she only seemed to want other girls excluded. I refused and told her she didn't get a say.

Things did kind of kick off during the party when the four of us took a few photos together and Emily apparently complained to Nick about Piper's inclusion and they had a fight. She apologized to him afterward and he forgave her because she said nothing to Piper directly.

Nick told me about it and he asked me, Piper and our other best friend Shane about it to see if she was being a dick to Piper or about Piper behind his back. She didn't say anything to Piper but he did talk to her about the stuff I said. She apologized again and has been holding it all in around Nick.

Emily joined our whole friend group for a movie night at another friends house and she was pissed that I had told Nick that she didn't want Piper at his birthday party. She said she's not unreasonable to not like her boyfriend and future husband having such a close friendship with a girl. She said female best friends are for gay guys only and that's why it's fine for me but not for Nick. I told her I wasn't gay and she laughed and said yeah right. That she knew I was gay and lying that my younger brother is gay and not me and how could I not be gay when I have so much in common with Piper especially. I said she was letting her homophobia show and it was pathetic. She started freaking out that I called her that and then I rolled my eyes at her. Nick came in during the fight and I told him what happened.

I'm not sure yet if they broke up but I assume so. I'm still waiting to hear from Nick. But Emily has been blowing up my phone saying I ruined her life and was so unnecessarily rude to her and I should be apologizing for calling her homophobic and then rolling my eyes when she was pissed at being labeled that way.

AITA?

But then there's this dude in the comments:

quote:

And that�s exactly what he�s saying, I�m 25, if I don�t like someone, I�m not around them.

If someone I don�t like is dating a friend of mine? My friend is told �hey you know you�re more than welcome, but she�s not�

Be willing to cut people out, ain�t no one but my closest friends coming to my house. And if it�s not my house? It�s not my place to judge anything, all I can do is control myself and vibe with everyone

The fact you have �multiple groups� of friends says a lot, I don�t have that and don�t think most real adults do, I have friends, and I have people I know.

Edit: bear in mind, your friend WILL pick his girlfriend over friends, and he will learn eventually he�s made the wrong choice, if you can still be there for him do, but it�s no longer your responsibility

Double edit: yall are so funny, talking about �I don�t exclude people I don�t like� but what do you do? Block me when you can�t have a conversation, go head and be hypocritical folks

Triple edit: and to kick it all off at the end, op then says it�s �all one group of friends� so no he doesn�t have �multiple groups� all yall replying are totally wrong wether you�d like to admit it or not

quote:

No I make being an adult sound real.

People work full time man, maybe get a few hours a day for socializing, even less once you have kids (which yes, if your kids are piece of poo poo you�re not coming to my house)

Why do I need more than a few friends that actually care about me and know my life?

quote:

Barely an adult? What do you call someone who�s had his own place for 7 years? That�s an adult

(and 51 more replies)

# ? Mar 26, 2024 07:33

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I'm frankly impressed by the time management.

Some of them knew about each other to be fair.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 07:33

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Elfface posted:

I don't understand how 'I won't sign the papers' etc. is a thing, other than 'women are property and not allowed to run away' holdovers. If someone wants a divorce, division of assets etc. might take time and need a lawyer, but the process of 'ok you aren't married any more' seems like it should take five minutes.

"I don't want to be married to this person any more."
"Well I DO want them to still be married to me!"
Best get a judge, no way to easily pick what's ethical here!

Wait until you hear how divorce works if you're pregnant in a bunch of US states.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 08:01

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

The split the baby too?

# ? Mar 26, 2024 08:03

Pleads: Jun 9, 2005; pew pew pew

Pope Corky the IX posted:

The split the baby too?

Forced to term THEN divided

# ? Mar 26, 2024 09:12

CommissarMega: Nov 18, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

King Solomon shakes his head. "That wasn't the point," he mutters.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 09:14

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

AITA for "hazel blocking" my coworker?

quote:

Obligatory on mobile with a messed up spell-checker, apologies for errors.

I (35F) work in a small company on a small building. A coworker (30? M) who shall be called "Hazelballs" or HB for short is on the sales side of the company, while I work in admin. We are in the same building, but he has a window and his car does not have rust.

HB has a raging hard-on for hazelnut coffee. The problem is, hazelnut gives me a raging migraine. He has been directed to close all doors to the breakroom, but that smell seeps through the building. No amount of essential oils will stop it. He insists the coffee is for everyone, never cleans out the pot, and sometimes his hazel-boner causes him to forget to close the drat doors which means I struggle with my day.

I like to go to a local coffee shop, but recently my husband said he'd like me to cut back. I buy their fancy coffee beans, and hate going anywhere else. One day when HB was late, I realized I could make my own coffee with my beans, and it would block the coffeemaker from his desires. I make enough for everyone, and I clean out the coffee maker at the end of the shift. Last week HB flat out asked me "admit it Cynic, you're making coffee to stop me from enjoying my hazelnut fix." I thought he was joking, so I laughed and said "yup, isn't it great we have options that aren't so stinky?" Today HB noticed everyone was appreciating my coffee and making fun of HB's hazelnut and he decided to tell me "in all seriousness, Cyn.... you're kind of being a dick." My coworkers did say they get where he's coming from and don't want to take sides, but they reminded him he never cleans the pot so they weren't going to stop me. So with people refusing to take sides, it made me wonder... AITA for making sure my coworker can't use the office coffee maker for his favorite coffee?

editing to add: Okay for people who think I'm forcing everyone to suffer with the whole essential oil stuff- it's absolutely *not* being used in a communal space, I'm one of 3 people using them, and I'm not part of an MLM. My workplace does have rules on diffusers, and the person who breaks them is not me, my door to my private office is closed. If I had a freaking window, I'd open it, I promise. Go ahead and hate on the various EO cults, heck, feel free to judge me on the coffee thing, but dang it, don't group me in with the Young Living crowd. I literally just need *my* office to smell better.

I think I dislike everyone here.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 10:01

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

ad090 posted:

Update: AITAH for telling my mom she is dead to me if she mentors my bully?

You'd think the school would realise that they should be doing something about that bully too.

I worry the bully might act out even worse now that they're losing the OP's mum as a mentor.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 10:34

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

ApplesandOranges posted:

AITA for "hazel blocking" my coworker?

I think I dislike everyone here.

Yep!

Just like have normal coffee at work, poo poo's not hard! And essential oils at work? gently caress you!!!

# ? Mar 26, 2024 11:44

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

ApplesandOranges posted:

AITA for using physical illustrations to get my gf to understand my point of view?

she wanted to carry them and will probably put most of them back at the checkout

So she carries stuff around to just drop them at the register and makes the staff put them back?

gently caress this lady. As someone who worked retail hell for years, just gently caress her.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 11:48

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Pope Corky the IX posted:

The split the baby too?

Not allowed to divorce.

edit: https://www.newsweek.com/map-shows-us-states-where-pregnant-women-cant-get-divorced-1874139

Megillah Gorilla fucked around with this message at 14:58 on Mar 26, 2024

# ? Mar 26, 2024 11:55

Vertigo Ambrosia: May 26, 2004; Heretic, please.

Megillah Gorilla posted:

You'd think the school would realise that they should be doing something about that bully too.

I worry the bully might act out even worse now that they're losing the OP's mum as a mentor.

They're still giving him a mentor though, just not OP's mom.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 12:02

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

If my coworker puts hazel in the coffee it triggers my migraines from across the building into my closed office

My essential oils cannot be sensed or smelled by other people even though they bring it up because I have a closed office

# ? Mar 26, 2024 12:05

8one6: May 20, 2012; When in doubt, err on the side of Awesome!

ApplesandOranges posted:

AITA for "hazel blocking" my coworker?

quote:

...No amount of essential oils will stop it...

Congratulations on making me instantly side with the sales guy OP.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 12:23

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

[Ontario] Neighbor's kids stole some of my pepper plants. They ate them, got hurt, now they want to sue.

quote:

Facebook friend told me to post here for advice.

Almost a year ago, I had moved out of the city and into a rural community. By rural, I have 3 neighbors within half a kilometre. With the land I had access to (and own), I started my own garden as a fun project in early spring. I have 2 neighbors beside my propery, one of them are an elderly couple who are the nicest people I've ever met. The other are a family with 2 little boys. They're 6 to 11. Not sure about their exact age. I planted a lot of stuff like green onion, tomatoes, watermelon, peppers and a lot more. But, I was given a few pepper seeds from a friend of mine a few weeks prior. They were the Carolina Reaper, the hottest pepper in the world, like literally pepper spray in your mouth. My intentions were not really to eat them as they are, but to have them dried and minced and added to things because why the hell not? The land around my yard isn't fenced. The borders of land are marked by skinny trees. My garden was atleast 80 metres from the trees.

Alright, time to begin.

My garden had started to flower about a month ago, so I decided I would share some of my yield of tomatoes, strawberries, bell peppers with my neighbor. The little boys who noticed my garden would come by often to watch me move dirt or water my garden, and I would sometimes let them pick strawberries to eat, and their parents had full knowledge of this. But then, I began to notice that even unripe fruits would go missing from plants after a plant with 3 tomatoes just went naked. So, while I was washing dishes I saw the boys run into my garden and pick a few fruits and run back to their house.

No big deal, I'll just tell them to stop.

The mother thanked me and said they won't be doing it anymore.

They still came by when I was working on the garden, and I let them take fruits/veg then.

Then, last week, my Carolina Reaper peppers grew. They were had a sharp curled tip, looked awesome and scary.

3 days ago, I got a bang on my door from the father of the boys saying I poisoned their sons.

I asked him what he meant, and he said that after I gave them stuff from my garden, they came home with burned hands, a headache, extreme mouth pain and distress.

I explained to him that all I gave him were strawberries and other things that were safe to eat, and that I've been doing it for weeks.

He said that he would sue me, or I would have to pay physical cash for their stress.

He left my property and I run out back and see that some of my carolina reaper peppers were on the ground, one with a bite mark on it.

I went over to their house right away and explained to them what they ate and they went full apeshit saying their boys wouldn't steal after they were told not to.

He shows me video of the boys crying with bright red faces and kept blaming me.

I told him that I never gave them the peppers, and that they were the ones who stole them without asking.

The next day, I come home from work to see my carolina reaper plants (I have 3), and my small containers with chocolate tomato plants, gone.

I went over to their house and saw my broken pots in their yard, I asked them what the gently caress did they to my garden.

The mother told me his husband seized the plants legally because they were a threat to the safety of their kids.

I told them they came on private property illegally, and damaged my property and pots.

She denied that she broke any pots, but I ran to the back and pick a shard of my pot and showed it to her.

She told me that is was hers, bullshit.

So, now, the father dropped a letter saying they will sue me in court and get damages because of what I did to their kids, or I can pay $3500 straight up.

I don't want to call the police in case I have to, because I don't want to spend money on a lawyer to defend myself in a lawsuit.

what the gently caress should I do from here? the deadline to pay him is on friday.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 12:31

8one6: May 20, 2012; When in doubt, err on the side of Awesome!

Cythereal posted:

[Ontario] Neighbor's kids stole some of my pepper plants. They ate them, got hurt, now they want to sue.

Call the cops, then sue them. Or just burn their house down. Either way.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 12:42

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

How did both today fuckin kids try a pepper, did they both decide to take a bit at the same time?

# ? Mar 26, 2024 13:08

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Cythereal posted:

[Ontario] Neighbor's kids stole some of my pepper plants. They ate them, got hurt, now they want to sue.

The first thing they should do is delete the post where they strongly imply they didn't confront the kids when they saw them in the act because OP were waiting for the reapers to come in.

I approve, but I'm pretty sure it muddies their case from a legal standpoint.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 13:12

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Splicer posted:

The first thing they should do is delete the post where they strongly imply they didn't confront the kids when they saw them in the act because OP were waiting for the reapers to come in.

I approve, but I'm pretty sure it muddies their case from a legal standpoint.

not seeing that in the story

# ? Mar 26, 2024 13:32

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

8one6 posted:

Congratulations on making me instantly side with the sales guy OP.

Seriously, I get that coffee can have unpleasant smells, especially flavored coffee, but I don't wanna hear that poo poo from an essential oil person. They don't know how things are supposed to smell.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 13:36

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Oh my gosh, this guy thinking that deadline to pay is real. Just bc his neighbor put it on a letter.

# ? Mar 26, 2024 13:40

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# ? May 30, 2024 10:45

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Is attractive nuisance a thing in Canadian law?

# ? Mar 26, 2024 13:45

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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