r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

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DoctorTristan: Mar 11, 2006; I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave, like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?

Grey Cat posted:

That's how you make ~~country gravy.~~ art

# ? Apr 3, 2024 05:33

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 6, 2024 21:51

ChickenOfTomorrow: Nov 11, 2012; god damn it, you've got to be kind

WIBTA for wanting my funeral to happen BEFORE I die

quote:

for the record i am still VERY young (mid-20s) so this isn't a particularly imperative issue or even really that important at the moment, it's just me being paranoid that i might be... eccentric with this choice, i guess?

I've recently underwent a near-death experience, on top of losing all of my grandparents within the span of two years or so, in addition to someone i was distantly friends with in the family dying as well. a lot of funerals, a lot of medical visits, so my mortality is very much on mind.

after sitting through so many memorials it really hit me that it's only really in the wake of death where people feel they can say, completely openly and honestly, how grateful they were to have someone in their life. (i'm guilty of this too, and i've tried to make it a point to say it more often to the people i care about.)

with this in mind, i really don't want to spend the last moments of my life just hoping that people will say nice things about me at my funeral. i kind of want to write it in my will or like. hospice plan that i want to hear what people have to say about me before i actually die via a memorial or something similar, so i can hopefully feel a little more fulfilled before it actually happens. is it vain and rear end in a top hat-ish to make people think i died before i actually did just to feel good about myself? probably. that's why i'm here lol

i haven't actually told anyone this outside of occasionally joking that i'll be listening to anything anyone says at my funeral, but understandably i feel kind of insane planning this out to myself. like it feels like a comedy sketch bit rather than a genuine plan. but eh. i just want to feel appreciated before i pass haha

# ? Apr 3, 2024 05:51

Tobermory: Mar 31, 2011

Slo-Tek posted:

I'm a little curious about the training data for an AI dating chatbot. 10 years of horny texts? Romance novels?

Somebody get seduced by predictive text and report back plz.

There was that guy who got seduced by a Russian spy chatbot.

"Dave, it�s great that you get information about [Specified Country 1] first. I hope you will tell me right away? You are my secret agent. With love."
�By the way, you were the first to tell me that NATO members are traveling by train and only now (already evening) this was announced on our news. You are my secret informant love! How were your meetings? Successfully?�

# ? Apr 3, 2024 05:53

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Oh, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.

My (36M) wife (37F) had her location at another man�s house for 45min after a work gathering at a bar. This happened twice and she omitted going there when discussing the night. Do I confront her that I know?

quote:

My wife went out for drinks with work friends who I do not know and when she wasn�t home at 2am I searched her location and found she was at a random house and stayed for at least 45min. She came home at 3am which is highly unusual as she wakes up at 430am daily. I did not confront her as she didn�t know I can see her location. The next month there�s another work gathering at a bar so I stay awake all night and see she ends up at the same house again, for about 45min then comes home close to 330am. She said she had trouble getting an Uber back to her car (though she was actually at this house). Turns out the house belongs to a coworker who was leaving the company and the first night out was his goodbye party. She was despondent when he was leaving and coworkers thought they were having an affair (her words, not mine). It has been tearing me up thinking she could be cheating but she hasn�t gone back to his house since. For background we have been together since High School and have a teenager. Is she likely cheating? Do I confront her and let her know I�ve been following her location?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:01

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

They�re planning him a surprise party.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:03

Troublemaker: Mar 12, 2007

Dude's trying hard to channel his inner Pete.

My (M24) girlfriend (F23) are going alone on a two week vacation with single male friend. Is breaking up justified?

quote:

My girlfriend is going on a two-week vacation with a single male friend, and I was not, and still am not, invited.

This situation is far beyond my boundaries and expectations from a partner in a relationship. Should I consider breaking up?

The issue began a couple of weeks after we became a couple. She asked if I was okay with her going on vacation with her male friend. At that time, she mentioned it was going to be a week-long trip. Since we had only been together for a month and I didn�t want to come off as controlling, I said, �Okay, I won�t appreciate it, but I can survive a week.�

Then, about two weeks pass, and she informs me they booked the trip for two weeks.

The day after, we talked, and I expressed that I was not comfortable with it at all. Her response was to explain why it was okay and why I shouldn�t worry.

My problem with her response is that she didn�t attempt to find a compromise where we could both be comfortable. She never asked if I wanted to join them, nor did she try to find a different solution.

Additionally, I noticed the hotel they chose only has bathrooms with crystal clear glass doors, as well as see-through shower walls. If you�re in the room while someone is using the toilet or showering, you can see everything.

When I questioned her about their choice to book a hotel with such rooms, she said she hadn�t noticed, nor had her friend.

A few days later, I reiterated my discomfort with her going on a trip with another single male friend for two weeks and sharing a room with a transparent bathroom. I felt she completely disregarded my feelings and boundaries. I also pointed out that she didn�t offer to find a new room, invite me on the trip, or cancel the trip.

(For clarity, I would never actually want her to cancel a trip, but her willingness to consider it would show that she cares about my feelings)

Outside of this, our relationship is great. We feel appreciated and cared for by each other, regularly exchange flowers and gifts, and can have discussions without fighting.

So, I�m torn 50/50 about breaking up or staying.

Should I break up over this trip and her disregard for my feelings, or should I stay and work through it since the relationship is otherwise positive?

I�m having a hard time navigating the stress and anxiety this is situation is causing.

TL;DR: My girlfriend is going on a two-week vacation with a single male friend without inviting me, disregarding my feelings and boundaries, especially concerning the transparency of the hotel�s bathroom. Despite our otherwise great relationship, I�m conflicted about whether her lack of consideration in this instance warrants a breakup.

[Edit]

She have know the guy for about 1.5 years. They are really just friends, and there is no doubt about that. However, they have shared a bed together multiple times before but never done anything intimate. (This is something I really believe since I have asked about it thoroughly)

The hotel is for couples/newly married couples. The rooms is made for two people. Either one double bed, or two single beds. (They have single beds)

Will post the exact hotel in a couple of days when they leave.

They booked the vacation about 1 month into the relationship.

I really appreciate all the feedback you guys are giving me. It�s all very helpful, especially when pointing out my flaws in this, seriously. Sometimes the truth is harsh, but at least it�s the truth and something to learn from❤️

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:08

Jonny Nox: Apr 26, 2008

Troublemaker posted:

Oh, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.

My (36M) wife (37F) had her location at another man�s house for 45min after a work gathering at a bar. This happened twice and she omitted going there when discussing the night. Do I confront her that I know?

Schrodinger's cat, except the waveform is balanced on whether the cat is dead from cheating or spying.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:10

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

WIBTA for wanting my funeral to happen BEFORE I die

therapy is cheaper than a big funeral

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:13

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

AITA: Just Married my new wife’s debt?

quote:

AITA I got married in November 2023. I have a property on my own prior to marriage and a healthy amount of savings. My new wife purchased a condo with her sister in 2020 and told her sister not to worry about anything. My wife put 60k and her sister put 10k down. Later my wife paid over 40k in renovations and again told her sister not to worry about contributing as she was trying to express gratitude (gift) for her sister being there for her in the past with helping her make ends meet when she was in college.
Now, my wife is 61k in credit card debt with cards at 28% interest. Their agreement prior to me existing was that when they sell in the future they’d go 50/50 on the profits. At this point her sister is up and my wife is barely breaking even. I told her I married her with her debts and assets. She expects us to pay off her 61k together because i “married her with her debt.”

I provided the alternative to have her sister give her an additional 20k at the sale of the property whenever that is since I’m going to be helping pay down her debt and have that legally stipulated through attorney documents. She is having a hard time with asking her sister for that saying she feels like she’s taking advantage of her sister for going back on her word.

We eloped, I bought both my ring and hers because she didn’t have any money. She has money sitting in that condo investment but now doesn’t want to touch it because she was under the impression that we’d pay it down together and not touch her sisters 50%. She said 60k is nothing for me but I’ve worked really hard in preparation for my future family when I’d get married.

I’ve offered to help her pay down her debt so as long as in the future whenever they sell the property “we get at least that additional 20k.” She doesn’t want to sell the property because her sister would have a hard time getting into another property but I want us to get out of debt or at least not be responsible for all of her debt seeing as to how hard I’ve worked too.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:16

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

WIBTA for wanting my funeral to happen BEFORE I die

Uh, this is just the plot of that one Friends episode?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:19

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

*Leaning over the edge of my casket* all right people, time out. This is loving pathetic. Debbie! can the waterworks, I'm not dead yet. Dave, what the hell man? A "great friend"? No mention of our love life? What are you, embarrassed?

Let's tighten this up before the big day alright?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:23

Nobody Interesting: Mar 29, 2013; One way, dead end... Street signs are such fitting metaphors for the human condition.

Hughlander posted:

My (34F) husband (30M) has been secretly donating sperm on Facebook. Is there any way back from this?

Honestly really thought after the first few sentences, Jeff was just gonna go impregnate his sister.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:25

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Troublemaker posted:

quote:
Additionally, I noticed the hotel they chose only has bathrooms with crystal clear glass doors, as well as see-through shower walls. If you’re in the room while someone is using the toilet or showering, you can see everything.

Just lmao if you believe in the pictures they show you on hotel booking sites lol.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:30

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Shanghaied posted:

Uh, this is just the plot of that one Friends episode?

* pats you on the shoulder* nice one, rookie. Out of all the trash on Reddit, the liars, the humblebraggers the one thing I can't loving stand is when these pieces of garbage reuse tropes from popular media in their posts that are supposed to be situations from real life!

Go ahead, slap the cuffs on em. You've earned it.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 06:30

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

WIBTA for calling out Stepdad after lying about his account being �hacked�

quote:

My(32M) Stepdad �John�(65M) was commenting on a bunch of half naked women on Threads. Most of the comments weren�t extremely vulgar but enough to be very inappropriate for a married man to be saying. I sent the link to his Threads to my mom and she agreed, that it was extremely inappropriate and she confronted him.

It�s not my relationship so I didn�t reach out to see how it went, however the next morning John sent me a text saying �His account was compromised and he�s doing what he can to get the account back� I didn�t respond because the excuse is totally BS. Nobody is hacking his account and telling women how beautiful they are. He just didn�t know replies show up on your follower�s walls.

I do a FaceTime with my Mom every week and it will be the first time since I�ve sent my mom the link. If he shows his face and mentions that he got hacked, I want to call him out on his BS since I�m not sure if that�s what my Mom actually believes. However this will lead to even more tension, so I�m not sure if I�d be the AH by escalating this when it seems to be resolved between my Mom and John.

Let he who has not been ""hacked"" cast the first stone

# ? Apr 3, 2024 07:13

nonathlon: Jul 9, 2004; And yet, somehow, now it's my fault ...

Malachite_Dragon posted:

Congratulations, ApplesandOranges! You found a post that finally hits incredibly uncomfortably close to home for me
This dude should not respond and in fact should probably just not talk to the ex's family at all, because she was, and they are continuing to, treat him as the backup plan. I know because I was in a very similar situation; my ex would go months, sometimes years without saying a word to me, and then suddenly come swanning in as if nothing had ever happened, stir things back up, get my hopes up (after making sure I was still single, of course). And then off they would gently caress again once the rough patch had passed, and I was left alone again.

No one deserves to be strung along as someone else's Plan B, because you will never be Plan A.

Most of the situations on r/r are so fantastic (or straightforward situations turned weird by the participants) that I can't identify. But this one also reminded me of the two year period in which two different women would repeatedly drop into my life, vaguely speculate about us going out "but not right now" and then fade right out again. Only consolation was their total confusion when I realized what I was doing to myself and started treating them like the distant but platonic acquaintances they were.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 07:52

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

I think a lot still makes sense when you realise these people think of themselves as protagonists of reality, and other people not as people but as supporting cast, and they are not talking to a person who has their own life but bringing back an old fan favourite character to salvage the ratings.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 08:01

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Mx. posted:

WIBTA for calling out Stepdad after lying about his account being �hacked�

Let he who has not been ""hacked"" cast the first stone

Not exactly applicable to this post but 99% of cases of people being "hacked" on social media these days are "hacked" in the same sense as my apartment being "hacked" by me leaving my door open and someone strolling right on in and stealing everything while making GBS threads everywhere

# ? Apr 3, 2024 08:03

DoctorWhat: Nov 18, 2011; A little privacy, please?

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

WIBTA for wanting my funeral to happen BEFORE I die

# ? Apr 3, 2024 08:15

Josef bugman: Nov 17, 2011; Pictured: Poster prepares to celebrate Holy Communion (probablY)

This avatar made possible by a gift from the Religionthread Posters Relief Fund

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

WIBTA for wanting my funeral to happen BEFORE I die

I understand this but it was mainly due to suicidal ideation and the desire to really know how people feel about me. I think the best solution is the therapy though, because otherwise this can lead to very crappy places.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 10:42

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for giving the footrests for my wife�s wheelchair back to my daughter?

quote:

For some context, my wife and I are of retirement age, though I still work full time. My wife is paralyzed from a TBI and has been for over a decade. My daughter (late 30sF) put her life on hold to care for my wife (her mother) full time

For further context, there is an area in our family room that is MY area. It has my desk and my laptop. It�s located right where the family room transitions into the kitchen, and is also by the front hall where the downstairs bathroom is. There is a railing there. My daughter dumps a lot of my wife�s stuff in my area. She says that there has never been a designated spot for my wife�s things downstairs (true) and my area is just convenient because it�s centrally located to where my daughter does the majority of my wife�s care. I have talked to my daughter about not leaving her mom�s stuff in my area, but it�s been a chronic problem.

Today, I had off work, and was doing some cleaning. I was moving my wife�s things that my daughter had dumped in my area and I found my wife�s footrests for her wheelchair in front of my filing cabinet. I was�in a mood, so I decided to put the footrests in her �area� (by one of the barstools by our kitchen counter) in a special spot.

My wife had a medical appointment that my daughter had to take her to, and they were running late. They were mostly ready to go, but one of the lasts things to do was to put the footrests on my wife�s wheelchair. My daughter went over to the filing cabinet to retrieve them, and of course they weren�t there, so she asked me where they were, not suspecting a thing. So I got after again for leaving my wife�s things in my area, telling her that she gave me my wife�s footrests, so I gave them back to her in her spot. She went over to the barstool where her coat was draped and found the footrests stuffed into the arms of the coat. My daughter was�.less than pleased, and said some very colorful things to me, but they had to leave for my wife�s appointment, and she really hasn�t spoken to me since except to tell me dinner was ready. My wife said my daughter was really hurt and confused that I resorted to something so immature and disrespectful. But my daughter keeps disrespecting me and my home by continuing to put my wife�s things in my area. So, AITA?

this man's account name is throwradumbdaughter and he is being excoriated in the comments

# ? Apr 3, 2024 10:57

nonathlon: Jul 9, 2004; And yet, somehow, now it's my fault ...

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I think a lot still makes sense when you realise these people think of themselves as protagonists of reality, and other people not as people but as supporting cast, and they are not talking to a person who has their own life but bringing back an old fan favourite character to salvage the ratings.

That would explain the utter shock and amazement some of the characters in these stories show when others don't just hand over houses / dye their hair and dress differently for a wedding / change travel dates / etc.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 11:10

DoubleNegative: Jan 27, 2010; The most virtuous child in the entire world.

Try to guess the spoiler because :lmao:

AITA for telling my stepdad my wedding isn't about him?

quote:

So my stepdad approached me a few days ago and told me he didn't like the direction my wedding was going in, that he didn't like not being involved as a parent and the living dad figure in my life, and he wanted me to change things so he would enjoy the wedding more. For context: I am not being given away, we're not doing any big dance besides the first dance between the married couple, and we're not really doing the toasts or anything, we're also not accepting any offers to pay for the wedding or give money toward the wedding. Neither my fianc� or I want that kind of wedding and we've changed a few things honestly to work for what we want our wedding to be.

My stepdad, who came into my life when I was 12, apparently had this vision of what my wedding would be. Or more specifically, he had this vision of the role he would play in my wedding. He never had any kids and when he married my mom I had already lost my dad so he saw me as his chance at fatherhood. But I see him as my mom's spouse more than I see him as a parent of mine. I respect him as a good husband and someone who has tried to be there for me. But if his marriage to my mom was over tomorrow, I don't think I would stay in touch with him. This is something we discussed when I was a teenager and I was honest about where I stood. He was honest about what he wanted. The therapist worked with us both individually and then together with my mom and it was stated clearly that he was not the dad to me that he wanted to be.

He never stopped believing he would get the whole experience though. And when he was telling me what he wanted and how he felt, he made it very clear to me that the wedding wasn't what he wanted, wasn't what he enjoyed. He told me I should be considering his wishes more and I told him my wedding is not about him and I will not change my wedding plans to make him happy.

Of course he didn't like hearing that and he started to tell me again about his feelings and I reiterated that my wedding is not about him. This led to him becoming angry and telling me I was being juvenile about it and him suggesting I was doing this to spite him so he wouldn't get to enjoy my wedding or the dream of fatherhood.

AITA?

# ? Apr 3, 2024 12:00

Beato Believer: May 23, 2009; I believe in Beato.
Even when she's driving.
At night.
In a snowstorm.

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

WIBTA for wanting my funeral to happen BEFORE I die

I don't know... I think I'd rather have people piss on my grave than piss on me while in bed at the hospice.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 12:08

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Beato Believer posted:

I don't know... I think I'd rather have people piss on my grave than piss on me while in bed at the hospice.

I dont know how you're posting this, but Im happy to be the one to tell you you're already dead Mr. Kissinger

# ? Apr 3, 2024 12:25

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

I feel like "living funeral" is a persistent spontaneous invention of dudes in their 20s with the robust and dynamic social circle that entails.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 12:43

smilingfish: Sep 18, 2012; fuck you i am smart

InediblePenguin posted:

i want to change my name for trans reasons but although my county puts a PDF of "fill in the blank" paperwork to fill out, none of the blanks are labeled, i have no idea what information they want, and i can't afford a lawyer to tell me what to write on these dozen blank lines so im stuck :/

I'm a lawyer, if you want to message me I can take a look at the form and see if we can make sense of it.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 12:48

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

DeeplyConcerned posted:

*Leaning over the edge of my casket* all right people, time out. This is loving pathetic. Debbie! can the waterworks, I'm not dead yet. Dave, what the hell man? A "great friend"? No mention of our love life? What are you, embarrassed?

Let's tighten this up before the big day alright?

I remember this *exact* joke playing out in a "League of Gentlemen" sketch. I think it was in the 2nd series

# ? Apr 3, 2024 13:04

Malice Green: Feb 1, 2005; Molim Vas skinite gacice

Nobody Interesting posted:

Honestly really thought after the first few sentences, Jeff was just gonna go impregnate his sister.

I thought Jeff was jerkin' it to random FB pages.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 13:14

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

Shanghaied posted:

Uh, this is just the plot of that one Friends episode?

Golden Girls too lol

# ? Apr 3, 2024 13:16

purplestuffedworm: Oct 11, 2012

Malachite_Dragon posted:

No, it's anyone and everyone else's fault if my kid encounters an allergen! Certainly not mine or my child's for not paying the gently caress attention to what they were ham-fisting into their gob. What do you mean, I should parent my kid?!

Eh, kids are sneaky as hell and expecting a nine year old to never swipe a treat from a room where they're constantly left unattended is unrealistic. He'd probably done it before with non-allergen stuff and concluded it was fine and safe. Where Mom hosed up here was not letting the other residents know about the severe allergy beforehand and asking them not to leave stuff, it sucks but sometimes you have to be a Karen when there's a life at stake.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 13:38

Jabor: Jul 16, 2010; #1 Loser at SpaceChem

purplestuffedworm posted:

Eh, kids are sneaky as hell and expecting a nine year old to never swipe a treat from a room where they're constantly left unattended is unrealistic. He'd probably done it before with non-allergen stuff and concluded it was fine and safe. Where Mom hosed up here was not letting the other residents know about the severe allergy beforehand and asking them not to leave stuff, it sucks but sometimes you have to be a Karen when there's a life at stake.

If you can't teach your kid not to eat food before checking if it has any particular allergens in it, and they're deathly allergic to some relatively common ingredient, they're gonna die as soon as they move out of your house and go off to college on their own. You can't avoid that lesson forever.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 13:49

DigitalRaven: Oct 9, 2012

FMguru posted:

Big John will live forever in our hearts.

And our rap sheets.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 13:56

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023

Shanghaied posted:

Uh, this is just the plot of that one Friends episode?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2zql_a6t2o

E: beaten

# ? Apr 3, 2024 14:28

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

smilingfish posted:

I'm a lawyer, if you want to message me I can take a look at the form and see if we can make sense of it.

hey this was super kind and generous of you and i am THRILLED to report that when i went to go re-download a fresh copy of my pdf.... the state has updated the website this year and now there's instructions!!!!! i apologize to everyone for complaining without checking a second time beforehand. thank you to all for your time

# ? Apr 3, 2024 14:29

purplestuffedworm: Oct 11, 2012

Jabor posted:

If you can't teach your kid not to eat food before checking if it has any particular allergens in it, and they're deathly allergic to some relatively common ingredient, they're gonna die as soon as they move out of your house and go off to college on their own. You can't avoid that lesson forever.

I mean, they're usually older than nine at that point though?

Fake edit: Rereading I have no idea why I thought the kid was specifically nine, but this is basically an attractive nuisance situation the mom should have brought up with the neighbors. You can tell a kid not to swim unattended but we still require fences and locks for pools.

# ? Apr 3, 2024 14:35