Brawnfire posted:

Ah, that's my nightmare.

quantumwell posted:

That would be the end of my engagement since I would roundly curse anyone bothering me in the bathroom.

quote:

So this is going to need some context so I look like less of an idiot (though I thoroughly assure you I'm an idiot).
Ten minutes ago I found out. Ten goddamn minutes ago, I found out that a worldview i've held my entire life is, in fact, not true, and apparently I'm just a weirdo.

You see, whenever I exercise, something goes haywire in my brain that spikes my libido to something ridiculous. Think Jekyll and Hyde. That's weird for me to type, because my entire life I thought that was everyone. I legitimately thought that was just a common thing: people exercise, and as a result get turned on.

And you know what, in my defense how could not. What are workout ads if not "grr sweat lookat this sweaty sexy body grr," and like 30% of all porn involving women in their 30's (which is like 90% of my porn) can be summed up with "hey you know what goes great with pilates? penis." I thought you people were like me, who legitimately got turned on through exercise, because why else would you advertise it like that and have so many euphemisms? Dafuq is wrong with you? But apparently was just dropped on my head too many times as a child or something.

gently caress. Now this is a gently caress UP because as I'm typing this in real time, I'm remembering all the times in my life I've tried to incorporate cardio into foreplay. No, you idiot, not like "hur dur lets do planks in bed before we blast our triceps," but christ, ugh this hurts so drat much to type now that I know it's all a lie but poo poo like getting bootycalls and responding with poo poo like "mhm lemme do a quick workout first" OH GOD I'm realizing how loving stupid that is if there's no context WHY DIDNT ANY OF YOU TELL ME THIS. I THOUGHT SHE UNDERSTOOD AND WAS ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH BUT INSTEAD I WAS THE loving FOOL WHO WAS DOING SQUATS IN THE GYM BEFORE SEX. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I DID THAT poo poo THINKING THEY WORKED THE SAME WAY AND EXERCISE ALSO GOT THE BLOOD FLOWING AND WAS THE MOTHER OF APHRODISIACS AND

Oh god. Oh god oh gently caress. ink;efwerioj'ewij'oderwo'jerfij'eruhotrijepr I'VE TOLD THEM TO WORK OUT BEFORE TOO. Oh my good Jesus Christ I

I can't believe did that. Oh my god save me I didn't know. I LITERALLY TOLD GIRLS I WAS WITH, thinking in my STUPID BRAIN, my STUPID STUPID BRAIN, that it would be hot if they worked out beforehand. told them they should work out more. What the gently caress was doing I'm literally melting in horror here right now. I'm remembering it all; literally thought it would do the same thing to them as it did to me, make the sex better, make everything better, but instead, INFUCKINGSTEAD I'm the goddamn JACKASS who probably came across as 'HUR DUR TONE UR ABS BEFORE HAVING SEX WITH ME' or some nightmarish nonsense. Like some hellish dudebro straight from the bowels of the foulest yacht club fraternity. gently caress. How the gently caress did they put up with that. How the gently caress do I apologize for that, because what the gently caress am I going to do just call them up and be like "hehe hey yeah Angie know it's been five years since we've talked and I know you're in a lovely relationship but I wanted to tell you those times I tried to get us to go on a jog before sex wasn't because thought you were fat but because apparently something's wrong with my brain."

No. No, I can't do that, I have to live with that. For the rest of my life, my goddamn life I have to live with that. Why didn't you tell me. Why didn't any of you tell me. All the 'workout euphemisms' I've used with girlfriends. Oh god their blank stares make sense now. Fifteen years of dating, fifteen years of blank stares. It all makes sense now. It all makes sense.
Oh god. oh gently caress.
TL;DR Christ. Something is odd with my brain in that exercise of any form spikes my libido, and from workout ads, euphemisms, etc, I believed everyone on earth worked the same way. So I've incorporated that into my relationships and flings, like a goddamn idiot, my entire life, much to their confusion. No one corrected me. Found out just now that no, it doesn't work like that. Edit: I'll respond to these comments later, I've got some... apologies to make first. Not sure how l'm going to go about "I'm sorry that I made us jog before sex" sound sincere, but I'll think of something.

Update: Apologized to an ex I'm still close with about this, she thought it was the funniest thing ever. Apparently she just thought I was 'super into my body,' like an egomaniac. Which is...... better? dunno, glad I closed that up but don't think I'll message the exes I'm not on good terms with; that would be too dumb to just casually bring up after five years of not talking.

Xun posted:

I thought that had something to do with the guy taking a girl to a bar and then only ordering milk? I'd be really confused and a little suspicious yeah

Note the weird part is he chose the location. Why???

quote:

Dear Prudence,

I (a married woman) just set up a single male co-worker and a single female friend of mine on a blind date. He’s a sharp guy who’s traveled the world and knows all about fine foods, wines, classical music, designer labels, etc., and she’s a stunningly beautiful and intelligent artist. I really thought they’d make a great couple. Immediately after their date, my friend thought it had gone well and was very excited. On Monday morning, I asked my co-worker, and he said my friend was attractive and a nice person, but he wouldn’t be asking for a second date.

My friend has been bewildered by her difficulty in finding a steady relationship, so I pressed him as to why. He told me they went to a swanky bar, and she—wait for it—ordered a plain glass of milk. He found this so clueless and childish that he couldn’t imagine being with her. Now my friend is neither a big drinker nor a teetotaler—just someone who’s going to order what she wants without worrying about what others think. Should I tell her why she won’t be hearing from this guy again, so she can reconsider ordering milk on dates in the future? Should I tell him how ridiculous he is for judging someone for something so petty?


Prudence's response was just basically, if he's gonna judge her for ordering a glass of milk he's not worth her time.

AceClown posted:

Prudence's response was just basically, if he's gonna judge her for ordering a glass of milk he's not worth her time.

Agrikk posted:

Pages back but I’ve been in recovery for going on thirteen years now and I order milk when I go to bars with my friends just to gently caress with people. In a sea of mules and tonics and pints and old fashions, my pint of 2% stands tall and unrepentant.

It’s really bizarre how strong of a reaction I’ve received over the years from bartenders and patrons alike. On more than one occasion a (very drunk) guy tried to get me to “step outside” so he could kick my rear end.

People are weird

Halloween Jack posted:

ChickenOfTomorrow posted:

Obligatory "TIFU is 90% fake and 80% stories written one-handed" disclaimer

TIFU by mistakenly believing exercise turns you on for nearly thirty years.
all the 'workout euphemisms' I've used with girlfriends.

mystes posted:

I would say my parents are only maybe 10-20% as annoying as that and I think one vacation with them was enough to convince my sister's kids never to do it again

The parents in law are lucky the OP didn't murder them

quote:

My mom and grandma texted me a few happy Easter texts and a text about my sister’s pregnancy reveal, and I had a huge emotional reaction, almost a panic attack, dealing with not responding. I guess that gets better with time? I have some resources/tools from therapy that I was able to use, but I didn’t expect to get so panicked about it. My stepdad also asked to come over (for the first time in I think 7 years) to pick something up and I said no. It was too suspicious.

quote:

And just to update, we were right about my stepdad being up to something more than just wanting to pick something up from me. He was trying to coordinate with my husband to meet him separately (at his office) to drop off an Easter basket from my mom. I told my stepdad he’s not to go to my husband’s office and that my husband would drop the items off on their porch, and that’s when it was revealed that an Easter basket was in play. I would have bet $ that was the case. So shady that not only was my stepdad trying to circumvent me, but also meet somewhere not at my house without me involved, and although my mom obviously made the basket she has no part in it. Like a textbook flying monkey move I guess. I told him I’m not accepting it.

quote:

A few hours after I told my stepdad that I wasn’t accepting the Easter basket from my mom, my husband dropped the stuff that my stepdad requested off on my parents porch. The stuff was a case of something handmade that I make and sell worth $180. My stepdad told me previously when he asked for it that he’d Venmo me for it. Well I guess he ghosted me because I haven’t heard from him and I haven’t gotten the $. Should I just let it go or ask him for the $? I don’t really need the $ but 180 is 180 and I could have sold it to someone else.

Concatenation posted:

I think if I saw a dude at a bar drinking milk I’d assume it was some kind of PUA type peacocking move. Like that weirdo who went to a club with his “melon and balla rear end spoon”

quote:

I'm a 19 year old woman currently in college. I come from a churchy family, and there was a big fight two years ago when I decided to get a septum piercing and a nose ring. My parents thought it was trashy and whore-ish, and that only awful people get piercings like that and display them for everyone.

I'm not really religious, but I've read a lot of the Bible, and in one of the fights I pointed out that the Biblical Matriarch Rebeccah, the wife of Isaac, wore a nose ring. (Strictly speaking, it's not 100% textually clear that she did; but when Eliezer gives her one and some bracelets in Genesis 24:22, and a few verses later her brother notices her with the jewelry, and the bracelets are explicitly being worn, I think the reading is much more natural that she just put the jewelry on) And if they're really all about me being godly and following the teachings of the Bible, there shouldn't be any problems with me having a nose ring.

That did not persuade them, and things have been a bit chilly since then, although the distance when I went off to university has helped some. Still, my folks have reached out on several occasions, once every other month or so, and most of the time, I'll respond, but usually send back pictures of some sort of image of Rebeccah in an icon or something. I have not come home in person since I went off to study.

This morning, my uncle called up. I've gotten along better with him than most of my family, and he asked when I was going to stop being 'childish'. And that while I have every right to keep my distance from my family, I should either say I don't want to have much contact and stick to it, or push for a reconciliation. And that sending passive-aggressive and catty pictures like this was just stirring up trouble for no actual benefit, and that I should stop. I have a lot of respect for my uncle's opinions, and maybe I shouldn't keep this going.

On the other hand, my parents make me so steamed about making such a big deal over such a minor thing, and they still have never actually admitted they've done anything wrong, just that they're sorry it created a rift between us. Have I pushed this too far?

Mx. posted:

AITA for sending my parents a picture of the Biblical Rebeccah every time they try to get in touch with me?

idk who rebeccah is but google shows me pictures of a lady who is super done with everyone's poo poo

quantumwell posted:

I now feel emboldened and will test my friendships by ordering a Root Beer Float with dinner at fancy steakhouses

Mx. posted:

AITA for sending my parents a picture of the Biblical Rebeccah every time they try to get in touch with me?

idk who rebeccah is but google shows me pictures of a lady who is super done with everyone's poo poo

sullat posted:

AITA for tricking my senile husband into disinheriting his favorite son?

quote:

Your name is Kelsey and you were at I/O Arcade Bar last night around 10:30pm. You shared an exciting moment with a tall, handsome man. We shared a smile and our eyes locked when I ordered from the bar. Later, I approached you in the back by the DDR machine. We touched and flirted but had technical issues exchanging phone numbers.

I'll be at the arcade again tonight, 9:00pm, wearing a cheesy sweater at the bar. Really hope you can come.

quote:

"technical issues exchanging numbers" take the hint dude 💀

quote:

Luckily Kelsey has some good friends it sounds like. "Too drunk and needed some water before it was appropriate to flirt more" !?!??! Nothing sobers you up right away, certainly not water. This could have turned into a case of rape real quick if it weren't for Kelseys friends. This boy ain't right. Also some one take this guy's shovel before he digs himself deeper.

quote:

Life Hack: before phones people would write on paper with pens or pencils to communicate, I’m told that still works

quote:

No -- we definitely caught each other's attention. She tried to give me her number but we had nothing to write with. I told her that she should drink some water and that I would find her. I was with a friend who I came to play games with, and after one more game with him, I found that pen, but couldn't find her.

quote:

I wish you would stop commenting about matters you know nothing about. It's strange how commenters here seem to care so much. Read my other comments to learn that she tried to give me her number. She tried to play a game with me. She wasn't trying to get me to leave her alone.

quote:

One of us didn't have a phone, and the other one was too intoxicated and needed to drink some water before it was appropriate to flirt more. Some time came and went, but she and her friends had sadly left. I hope she got some rest. Sorry that you weren't there and feel compelled to be unhelpful.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

I wouldn't get milk at a bar, that's probably been sitting at the back of the fridge open for who knows how long.

quote:

My brother was awesome and my parents loved him. So did I. On the other hand my parents tolerated me. I wasn't good at sports, or school, or anything really. I was pretty much an afterthought.

When my brother got into medical school while I was in community college my parents helped him out so he could graduate without debt.

He had a bright future ahead and they wanted him to achieve. I was told I had to get student loans. Which I did. I also finally accepted my place on their world and went low contact. Mostly we only talked at some event for my brother.

I ended up getting my master's and I like my career. I like helping people. But I had to plan for my future. I knew I could have a good life with a partner but that kids would lower my standard of living. So I got a vasectomy.

I met my wife and she is on board with bring child free. We have a small house in a LCOL town and a couple of dogs.

Sorry for all the build up but I am trying to avoid writing this next part.

My brother died on his honeymoon. My parents are devastated. I'm not doing much better. My wife and I traveled to my home town for the funeral. I saw my folks and went to see how they were.

We hadn't spoken since my brother's wedding the previous month. They were obviously distraught. My mom said that when we had kids I should name one after my brother.

I wasn't really thinking straight so I told the unvarnished truth. I had to choose between kids and paying off my student loans. She asked what I meant. So I admitted that I had gotten a vasectomy and would not be having kids. I always figured she would get her grandma needs met by my brother.

My dad blew up at me for making such a stupid decision. That I had basically decided to end our branch of the family tree.

I said that I always thought my brother would provide them with grandkids and that if I had kids they would be afterthoughts like I was.

We went back home afterwards instead of hanging around. My mom is having some sort of breakdown from my brother passing away and now me telling her that I will not be having children. My dad is just angry. I'm hearing from family that I was insensitive to put it the way I did.

They have not shown much interest in me since I was 12. I don't really think I we them anything.

My dad called and offered to pay to get my vasectomy reversed. I told him my wife didn't want kids. I reminded him that we had told them that we were child free and they didn't care until my brother died.

ad090 posted:

AITAH for telling my parents that they made me chose between paying my student loans and having kids so I had a vasectomy and they will never have grandkids?

ad090 posted:

AITAH for telling my parents that they made me chose between paying my student loans and having kids so I had a vasectomy and they will never have grandkids?

Brawnfire posted:

Why though, it's a drink ingredient

Cerekk posted:

What drink that is ordered more than once a week is made with milk?

(Don't say a White Russian which is made with heavy cream)

Nerdlord Actual posted:

Missed connection: Kelsey at I/O Arcade Bar from r/madison

Okay, let's uh, check the replies???

Okaaaaay, how about this guy's... attempts to defend himself?

Take a hint, bucko

Grey Cat posted:

Chocolate milk every day.

Pope Hilarius II posted:

That usually comes ready-made though.

Cerekk posted:

What drink that is ordered more than once a week is made with milk?

(Don't say a White Russian which is made with heavy cream)

Brawnfire posted:

First let me ask why they have it in the first place, if they don't use it? Is that common practice?

Grey Cat posted:

I will never understand why people care about lineages specifically. Who cares? Have kids or don't, we all end up in the ground anyways. I get being a grandparent can be cool but carrying your family branch is a really lame point to focus on.

If you don't get the chance but still want to be a grandparent you can always be involved in some elses life or volunteer with children.

Cerekk posted:

What drink that is ordered more than once a week is made with milk?

(Don't say a White Russian which is made with heavy cream)

snergle posted:

cereal milk.

ad090 posted:

AITAH for telling my parents that they made me chose between paying my student loans and having kids so I had a vasectomy and they will never have grandkids?