FMguru posted:

AITAH for exposing my bestfriend's boyfriend to his own mom because he's a chronic cheater? And now his family hates him

quote:

I contacted my ex regarding the same and he refuted the claims saying she was the one who wanted to hook up with him but he stopped it as he couldn't do that to me. I met him in person to discuss this as I cannot just believe anyone blindly right now. He told me how sorry he is and how bad he feels and would do anything to have me back and gain my forgiveness. We had a conversation for a while and then I asked him if I could check his phone and texts around the same timeline and he refused. I know it was a big shot coz it was long ago and if there were any texts they would have been deleted but he straight up refused for letting me check his phone and said that would be an invasion of his privacy and he is not comfortable with that. In our relationship we never checked each others phones but I wanted to this one time coz he had betrayed my trust. He didn't budge and said I am being unreasonable by trusting a stranger's words rather than him.

mystes posted:

The partner is being dumb but reading between the lines I think it's because he's feeling insecure that the OP is the only one bringing in any money and so by OP jumping in and telling him what to do the partner feels like it's undermining the business he's trying to start to change that being his thing

ApplesandOranges posted:

What about people with genetic issues or can’t afford anything but cheap food that also makes you fat

Mx. posted:

I (25M) have the chance to date my old HS crush (25F), but I’m engaged to my fiancee (24F). What do I do?

update:

quote:

I (30M) was at my brothers (34M) house when my sister in law (31F) went into labour, they live in the countryside so the signal isn’t too great sometimes unless they walk up the lane so my brother was supposed to take her to the hospital instead of calling an ambulance but for some loving reason he decided to freak out and drive off somewhere. I can’t drive so I ran up the lane to call 999 it took forever to get signal and then it took forever for the ambulance to get to the house. I almost had to deliver the baby for fucks sake, she ended up giving birth in huge back of an ambulance. This whole time my brother had just disappeared. He finally turned up at the hospital about 8 bf hours after he disappeared. Apparently he’d gone to our dad’s house until our found out my sil gave birth and made my brother go see her.

I yelled at him outside the hospital for being so loving stupid. He told me that he just got scared and didn’t know what to do. I told him that he’s going to a poo poo dad if he keeps reacting like this. What’s he gonna do when the kid gets injured and it’s his responsibility to take him to A&E? Is he just gonna dump the kid and run off to dads again? He’s such an idiot loving hell. He started crying and called me a twat for being so mean to him. I just lost it with him, he was acting like a child when he should be comforting is loving wife and apologising to her for being a dick. He called me a c*nt and told me that I don’t understand what he’s feeling. I get that he was scared but he seriously needs to get a grip and help his wife. AITA?

Mx. posted:

I (25M) have the chance to date my old HS crush (25F), but I’m engaged to my fiancee (24F). What do I do?

update:

The_Franz posted:

HopperUK posted:

'You'll be chilling in the bedroom right?' could just as easily mean 'I assumed you didn't want to come for some reason not mentioned in the post'. Hard to know, because she didn't say 'haha what, no, I want to play'

Coca Koala posted:

The thought of his ex-fiancee realizing what a stupid bullet she dodged and how much better her life is going to be now that this dumbass blew up the relationship before it was too late is honestly heartwarming.

Halloween Jack posted:

Yeah, but tough poo poo. If he doesn't understand the concept of an itemized receipt, he's not going to be in business very long.

Neito posted:

It definitely feels like anxietybrain talking; reading the worst possible outcome of an ambiguous phrases is, at least for me, a classic anxiety symptom, as is the complete avoidance of any sort of conversation around it.

Neito posted:

It definitely feels like anxietybrain talking; reading the worst possible outcome of an ambiguous phrases is, at least for me, a classic anxiety symptom, as is the complete avoidance of any sort of conversation around it.

Bonster posted:

She says in comments that what he actually said was, "you'll be chilling in the room yea?"

I would hear that as "you'll be hanging out with us even if you're not playing, right?" She saw it as "you'll go into the bedroom and don't come out for any reason, right?"

Ominous Jazz posted:

genuinely just talk to your almost wife if you share a bed you can share a conversation

Bonster posted:

She says in comments that what he actually said was, "you'll be chilling in the room yea?"

I would hear that as "you'll be hanging out with us even if you're not playing, right?" She saw it as "you'll go into the bedroom and don't come out for any reason, right?"

t-.-t posted:

My fiancee told her friend group that I am not the greatest at sex, but she is with me for the complete package. Am I wrong for calling off the engagement?

Update: My fiancee told her friend group that I am not the greatest at sex, but she is with me for the complete package. Am I wrong for calling off the engagement?

Ensign Expendable posted:

Tbh if you extend an invitation to your significant other that you think was accepted and instead they stay in their room for 5 hours you should probably pop in at some point to see what's up.

Neito posted:

It definitely feels like anxietybrain talking; reading the worst possible outcome of an ambiguous phrases is, at least for me, a classic anxiety symptom, as is the complete avoidance of any sort of conversation around it.

Deified Data posted:

Talking about your partner's sex life with friends without their consent is instant acid vat

PetraCore posted:

Yeah, she says she has BPD, which explains a lot about her reaction, because it can be hard to read any nuance into interactions when you have BPD. This is still basically a situation where her own brain convinced her self-sabotage, though. It seems pretty clear to me her husband only took 5 hours to check on her because when she stayed in the bedroom he assumed she didn't want to participate and was just chilling. Hopefully she can figure out a way to communicate better and participate next time, but I'm also not sure that going to reddit over this is going to help. At all.

idiotsavant posted:

If you’re just gossiping with whoever then sure, but if you’re talking about relationship stuff with a close friend/confidant?? As long as it isn’t the kind of close friend who immediately blabs all your poo poo to everyone I think it’s fine; people should be able to have outlets for that sort of thing.

idiotsavant posted:

If you’re just gossiping with whoever then sure, but if you’re talking about relationship stuff with a close friend/confidant?? As long as it isn’t the kind of close friend who immediately blabs all your poo poo to everyone I think it’s fine; people should be able to have outlets for that sort of thing.

quote:

Husband did come in and ask what happened when he saw my face, but I can't just say that you've isolated and made me uncomfortable in my own house.

Troublemaker posted:

AITAH for walking away after I discovered my fiancé had intercourse with a douchebag?

duck trucker posted:

I keep going back to his "recently my wardrobe broke down" like that's just a thing they do like cars. What do you mean man did you break it or did it collapse? I can't wrap my head around that phrasing.

quote:

The ex gave birth to twins after they broke up, and fiance's parents built a guest house on their property for her to move in to. My fiance and I also live with his parents. They have a beautiful, large home that allows us all the privacy we need and we get to save a lot of money all while living close to work. It works for us. It would be perfect if the ex would just move out.

My main issue is she gets into a lot of fights with everyone. My fiance, his parents. It's frustrating that my ex always sticks up for her. He's quick to excuse her lovely behavior because he has a lot of empathy for her.

But they're constantly fighting. Like, you know when you walk into a room and the atmosphere is so awkward because they had just been fighting before you got there? That happens to me daily. It's even worse when they fight in front of other people because then I get my friends asking me if I'm worried about the chemistry between them. To other people, they just look like a couple fighting. It almost make me feel bad that my fiance and I never fight which is weird because that actually just goes to show we have the perfect relationship.

I know that the whole family wants the babies to grow up there, but I also know that no one really likes the ex gf. I think everyone would be happier if she just moved, but how do I go about bringing that up without offending her?

edit: She barely is around her own babies, she's out most days. She doesn't even work as they are supporting her financially. If they weren't making her life as easy as possible, she probably would give up custody and let my fiance and his parents raise the kids. The reason she fights with his parents so much is they want her to be more involved. My ex comes up with a million excuses because he's very empathetic to her mental health issues. But she's just making everyone's lives harder. She'd clearly be happier just giving up custody and living her life.

Halloween Jack posted:

I (23F) can no longer stand my fiance's (30M) ex (30F) living with us, how do I suggest she moves out?

Halloween Jack posted:

I (23F) can no longer stand my fiance's (30M) ex (30F) living with us, how do I suggest she moves out?

duck trucker posted:

I keep going back to his "recently my wardrobe broke down" like that's just a thing they do like cars. What do you mean man did you break it or did it collapse? I can't wrap my head around that phrasing.

idiotsavant posted:

If you’re just gossiping with whoever then sure, but if you’re talking about relationship stuff with a close friend/confidant?? As long as it isn’t the kind of close friend who immediately blabs all your poo poo to everyone I think it’s fine; people should be able to have outlets for that sort of thing.

quote:

I (27m) am the 3rd of 4 siblings and have always felt like an afterthought. Laurie (33f), Chuck (29m), and Jade (25f) have always gotten the first and best from my parents and each other. I get the leftovers if I'm lucky. I haven't gotten a birthday present from any of my siblings in about 10 years, but I still get asked to pitch in for group gifts for each of them every year.

On Friday night we were having a family dinner and it honestly felt like every other sentence was a dig at me or a less than subtle brag by my siblings about something they have been given by my parents that I was denied. They talked about how nice almost all of our weddings were, but made sure to mention it was "ok" that my wife and I had a small low-key wedding. And it was Ok, we loved it. But they brushed over the fact that my parents paid for all of my siblings weddings... but not mine. Because somehow they couldn't afford it... because they were saving up for Jade's wedding.

​They brought up how little student loans they have… because my parents helped them. All of them lived on campus at expensive 4 year schools. I lived at home and went first to a (very prestigious, very hard to get into) watchmaking school. I got paid to attend this school… so I paid rent at home. My parents paid for my tools. And I appreciate the help. I really do. But they paid 120-150k each for my siblings... they gave me 7k for tools. But to them it’s equal. When I went back to school on my own I didn’t ask for money and wasn’t offered it. When my brother went back to school they covered EVERYTHING without him even having to ask.

There were many other small moments (comments about cars and other lifestyle choices) but what made me snap was my brother and his wife mentioning their marriage being so great because they do things like spontaneous dates, like the one they had the prior Friday night. The Friday night where my parents called my wife and I last minute to cancel plans they had to eat dinner at our house because they had to watch Chuck's kids because of an "emergency". Turns out that "emergency" was a dinner for Chuck and my SIL at Texas Roadhouse. I had spent HOURS making my grandpa's ziti and meatballs with homemade marinara because its my mom's favorite.

I wanted more than anything to scream at them but instead I got up and left without saying a word and my wife followed me. when my mom called me later to ask why I left I just explained exactly why. I explained the favoritism, the unfairness, and the fact that it doesn't feel like they care about me. She didn't say much and I wasn't really looking for an explanation or an apology in the moment, I just felt like it was self evident but if she really didn't see it I'd spell it out. Evidently at least parts of what I said have been shared with my siblings because now Chuck and Laurie are furious at me and saying I ruined dinner and my mom is upset that I am hurt. They say I'm immature for "keeping score"

AITA?

quote:

So, update time. About a week after that post my wife and I sat down with my parents and cleared the air. As several people suggested I wrote down my thoughts and compiled (to the best of my knowledge) a listing and full accounting of the disparity in what my siblings were given over the years and what I was given. I did actually sit down and do the math and it turns out that while I was at the Technicum I actually paid my parents more in rent than they ever paid for my tools. But the final reckoning came to between ~$370k on the high end (Jade) to ~$190k on the "low" end (Chuck) for how much my parents directly gave to my siblings that they never gave me. Sitting down and seeing the full amount all spelled out like that is probably the angriest I got during this whole mess.

My parents had been aware there were discrepancies but really pushed back on the actual amounts until we sat down and went through each major gift/incident case by case, by which point my dad admitted my reckoning was likely conservative. That was more or less the end of any productive talk that night, my dad just claimed they didn't think it had gotten that bad but wouldn't give any details about how they could have possibly not noticed.

In the interim Chuck and Laurie continued to escalate their anger, continued to call and text me, my parents, and extended family. I have not spoken to either of them directly since and don't expect to any time soon.

Roughly a week after that first sit down my mom and dad asked to meet again. Lots was said but the gist is this: they felt I was doing well and didn't need their help. Basically they thought I would be fine without them. They admitted they probably live outside their means and gave more to my older siblings than they should have and could never have given me that much. They claim the timing of my wedding lined up with probably the most dire of their overspending/lack of saving and that they literally did not have the funds to live up to their promise, especially as they were paying for Jade's tuition, car, and apartment at that time. They have offered money, they have offered to pay for vacations, a car, all kinds of stuff but I think they don't really get it yet. My wife and I don't want their money, but we aren't really sure yet what an ideal resolution to this looks like. At least they have admitted they were unfair and are open to working things out.

My wife and I spent Easter with Jade and her husband and my grandparents, my mom and dad came over in the evening. This seems to be more or less the new normal for now.

quote:

I don’t really have time to address everything but the birthday thing with Jade was addressed in comments on the first post. The short version is she and her husband had been giving Laurie money (and a really size able amount of it it turns out) every year to buy my wife and I tickets to see the Union play. Then, when we inevitably posted pictures of us at games she assumed that at least one of those games was the gift. She even pointed out one of my instagram posts last year explicitly called it a birth gift, I didn’t specify it was my gift from my wife and to be fair the comment Jade left on it at the time in retrospect very much reads like she was glad I was enjoying her gift to me. So the reality is Laurie was just straight up stealing a couple hundred bucks from Jade every year for at least 5 years.

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Why does she say "my ex" a couple times? Did she forget halfway through writing this that she was still dating her fiance, or does she have an ex of her own who keeps chiming in with his opinions but is otherwise irrelevant?

Halloween Jack posted:

I (23F) can no longer stand my fiance's (30M) ex (30F) living with us, how do I suggest she moves out?