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Deified Data
Nov 3, 2015


Fun Shoe

Kurieg posted:

an old AITA got an update
AITA for "keeping score" with my family and ruining dinner?

UPDATE AITA for "keeping score" with my family and ruining dinner?

Every family member here is lying their asses off lol, it's very convenient that all these miscommunications and financial hardships center on op

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Albino Broccoli
Aug 5, 2022
"We thought you didn't need us, you're managing so well on your own!"

"Okay fair enough. I'm cutting you out, bye."

"Wait no not like that."

Modal Auxiliary
Jan 14, 2005

Captain Hygiene posted:

drat, I need to find a family that gives me a free house to live in and pays all my expenses indefinitely just because. If allegedly not really being liked by them is the tradeoff, I think I can suffer through that.

This actually sucks quite furiously when you're a kid and your parents conflate provision of goods and money with actual parenting.

wheatpuppy
Apr 25, 2008

YOU HAVE MY POST!

Captain Hygiene posted:

drat, I need to find a family that gives me a free house to live in and pays all my expenses indefinitely just because. If allegedly not really being liked by them is the tradeoff, I think I can suffer through that.

First you gotta suffer through eighteen months of pregnancy though.

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

Lottery of Babylon posted:

Why does she say "my ex" a couple times? Did she forget halfway through writing this that she was still dating her fiance, or does she have an ex of her own who keeps chiming in with his opinions but is otherwise irrelevant?

Foreshadowing. He cheated on his ex with OP and she's in the comments claiming he'd never do that to her. Besides, he initiated the breakup! That proves he won't ever cheat again!

But the whole universe, including her subconscious, knows that's a lie.

DoubleNegative
Jan 27, 2010

The most virtuous child in the entire world.
This one is a doozy. And long. Real, real long.

WIBTA if I don't go to a Personal Mastery seminar my mom went to?

quote:

I (25F) have my mom (63F) living with me in my apartment due to the people we used to live with (and then eventually she lived with) being horrible to her and treating her poorly both mentally and financially. It took me months to convince her to come live with me instead to better herself, but she finally did and has been happier since.

Awhile back, she was introduced to a 3 day weekend Personal Mastery seminar course. She was very interested in it and while I was skeptical, I said she should go if she wants. She did, and she ended up loving it, which was great and I was glad for her.

Every now and again, she brings up the seminar, talking about how she thinks it would help me and be good for me, etc. I have tried to keep an open mind, but I remain very skeptical of this whole thing as it's supposedly an interactive course that is meant to change your way of thinking about things. That being said, she's not allowed to tell anyone what actually happens at the seminar. No one is. It's part of the rule of the place. So me, being paranoid and skeptical as I've learned to be, doesn't trust it, and I've expressed this. My mom has been understanding of that fact.

Still though, she continues to bring it up now and again. A few days ago while shopping, we saw one of my mom's friends Julie (60s?F fake name) and they got to talking about the course which they have both gone to. They both really kept encouraging me to go and I expressed discomfort at that and they said they understood, and I could go when/if I'm ready. I thought it was finally over with.

Yesterday, my mom suddenly sprung on me that Julie has recieved an anonymous donation to sponsor someone to go to the seminar this weekend (it costs $995 to sign up) and Julie wanted to sponsor me. Julie's husband even offered to use his hotel points to get me a free room so I'd be able to go for totally free.

I felt so uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. I had a very long talk with my mom about how I feel extremely pressured to do this thing I really don't think I want to do and she seemed receptive and understanding, but now I feel like I'll be an rear end in a top hat if I don't accept an extremely generous offer, despite the fact that I'm uncomfortable. My mom has given Julie's husband my number and he plans to call me and talk to me about the seminar and I really don't even want to have the conversation. I'm trying to have an open mind but I really don't like the idea at all. I feel very forced into this situation despite my mom saying I don't have to go.

So, WIBTA?

Edit because I forgot to add: friend opinions are insanely mixed. Some say I should go, some say I shouldn't, some say it would be good to get away, some say it feels hosed up they put me in this position, some say I'm an rear end in a top hat if I don't go, I don't know anymore.

Edit 2: I know I literally just loving posted this but Julie's husband just texted me sending me details on the hotel because he just used his points to book me a free loving room. I'm literally gonna cry LOL.

Someone in the comments does some digging and turns up that it's part of an MLM/cult called Klemmer & Associates. They link to an r/AntiMLM post from 5 years ago with this little gem down in the comments:

quote:

Sorry for the late response, I don't really frequent this sub. But it just so happened I got reminded of when I got convinced to go to a meeting of theirs a few years ago and thought I'd do a search here for fun to see if there was anything new about them.

The wife of my family's pediatrician (who is ludicrously respected around town and still is) and a sort of family friend is some degree of coach for Klemmer and Associates and was asking my dad if he would be interested in a weeknight seminar. My dad, not knowing any better and being polite, said he would be out of town (true) but would see if I would be interested. I was in a less than good job at the time and was struggling in my career development. I said sure. Drs Wife calls me up to give me the sales pitch about how much the program has helped her and her family, yadda yadda. I figured what would be the harm in an evening seminar probably about leadership in the workplace, etiquette, your standard work/life improvement stuff. I paid twenty bucks and went.

It was actually pretty well attended and in the ballroom of a hotel, I say about the ball park about 75 or so attendees. I even see some parents of friends of my siblings. It starts of pretty normal. Just says you standard things about self reflection, bettering yourself and this program can help you get there! It also goes into the whole life cycle of the program. This night was step one, then there was a couple of weekend conferences, then capping off with a week long training to finish the program, at which point you can become one of the coaches like Drs. Wife was. We do some icebreaker things. If i remember right, it was just introduce yourself to three people. Then they started talking about the line of books the company had for sale, and more of the same promises of what the program can do. My enthusiasm is starting to fade.

Then the presenter said something along the lines of "So as we reach the end of the first hour, consider where you are now as we move into the next two hours of the introduction of our program"

Strike one. It is a weeknight, I'm still in my work outfit. I'm not getting home at nine o'clock unless this is worth my time. I should add there was nothing in advance that said this seminar would be three hours long. Beneath the chair is a pamphlet about the program and attached is an order form. In very, very tiny print, I see that the cost of the full program, from tonight to the full week event would tally close to $16,000. I'm assuming (and frankly hoping) that includes lodging and meals but, still.

But I'm the type of person that would sit through a presentation on the types of grass and their growing habits for three hours if it had good intentions. Plus I wanted to be polite, even though I was thoroughly convinced that this wasn't my bag.

The tone of the speech turned slightly and asked you to examine yourself. What did you think were the problems in your life, are you doing anything to address them? What are your hopes and aspirations?

"Discuss your dreams with the person sitting next to you"

I took one look at the middle aged lady sitting next to me, just kind of muttered out an "excuse me" and walked out. Not doing that. Somethings come up, I'm late for a thing that happens to not be in this building. Part of it was that I wasn't exactly in the best spot of my life and my dreams were being "reassessed" part of it was that I'm sure as hell not discussing that with stranger.

With that wound picked at, I left feeling kind of miserable, out a perfectly good $20 and with no new skills to boot. I did some homework later on the company and found that this is how their whole system works. Hour 1 is the introduction, hour 2 you reflect on everything wrong with your life, hour 3 is a taste of how you, through their magical program, can fix it. Worse still, some sources I was reading up on encourage their program in place of legitimate therapy treatments. So answer your question, there's no physical product. It's about being coached and then turning around and coaching others, which compared to MLM standards might be even worse in comparison. Might there be some legitimate ideas in there? Sure, but where I work now will send you to professional development things at your request, will in some cases cover the costs and even pay your normal wage while you attend. Those programs probably teach those same lessons without three hours of tear down/buildup.

Oh well, live and learn. Everyone steps into an amway meeting at some point. But my outright irritation at this "company" came later.

Wife of Dr. shoots me a quick message saying that she was sorry I couldn't stay for the full program and that she would leave a free copy of my book in my mailbox. All right, fine. It shows up in my mailbox and I never touch it. I get call a few weeks later from another coach rep (Which as an aside, I was working in the legal field and Klemmer and Associates sounds exactly like 75% of the places I was applying for jobs at, which is why I didn't immediately hang up). wanting to touch base because I had attended their seminar. I kind of listened planning on letting her down gently when she said:

"Wife of Dr said you loved the free book though"

Ok, nope. Do not put words in my mouth. I'm obviously heated and say "Actually I did not enjoy the book and do not contact me further"

She apologizes and hangs up. Drs Wife texts me (what timing!) saying that she was "misinformed" and that I would be removed from their list. I ask that any family members of mine that have been added to their information be removed as well. A few months later I get a similar sales esque phone call. So I've clearly been lied to. I got nasty on the phone (Which I emphasize, never happens) and I haven't heard anything sense.

So put it simply, these guys are hacks. If you want to be a better person, there are so many great ways you can do that for free. I feel good volunteering for instance. On the other hand, If you need therapy, go get some therapy.

They aren't talked about much online, but these guys are at best way too expensive life coaches and have drunken too much of their own kool aid for their own good. At worst, they are preying on vulnerable people for many thousands of dollars."

I'd say scam/mlm/preying on the vulnerable. Don't go unless you actually want to join this. There are many better, healthier and cheaper ways of gaining "personal mastery

OP responds:

"WAIT THIS IS THE EXACT COURSE"

mystes
May 31, 2006

DoubleNegative posted:

This one is a doozy. And long. Real, real long.

WIBTA if I don't go to a Personal Mastery seminar my mom went to?

Someone in the comments does some digging and turns up that it's part of an MLM/cult called Klemmer & Associates. They link to an r/AntiMLM post from 5 years ago with this little gem down in the comments:

OP responds:

"WAIT THIS IS THE EXACT COURSE"
Lol I was already assuming it was an mlm or cult based on the initial post

FMguru
Sep 10, 2003

peed on;
sexually
Title only, but LOL

AITA for blowing up at my husband because he counted his work on our DND game as one of his chores?

Harold Fjord
Jan 3, 2004
With guy who gets no money, I'm not clear if he is having kids or not but that's probably a factor if he's not.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

mystes posted:

Lol I was already assuming it was an mlm or cult based on the initial post
Yep. Amway or Joel Olsteen vibes all around, especially "Oh we want you to experience it for yourself" when not explaining exactly what they are going to.

Harold Fjord posted:

With guy who gets no money, I'm not clear if he is having kids or not but that's probably a factor if he's not.
His parents were shortchanging him through school and made it obvious they would not be paying for his college, likely before he got married. Unless he was very adamant about not wanting kids at 10-18 he was just always an afterthought, if ever a thought.

CannonFodder fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Apr 11, 2024

Troublemaker
Mar 12, 2007

Josef bugman posted:

What in the gently caress.

Rich rear end in a top hat cheats on his pregnant girlfriend with someone much younger, his family feels bad because their son is an rear end in a top hat so they build a guest house for the ex and their grandkids. AP throws a fit that the ex is mooching off the parents, even though she and the rear end in a top hat are doing the same thing. AP seems to think the ex should just get over it, abandon her kids and go away so she and her "perfect relationship" don't have to deal with her. Also seems like AP doesn't consider at all that she's going to be a stepmother to those kids or that the ex will be in her life for at least the next 18 years, if not forever.

But she and her cheating rear end in a top hat "fiance" have the perfect relationship. Admittedly, she's young and dumb, but she also sounds kind of like an rear end in a top hat, so maybe they are perfect for each other. :shrug:

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



FMguru posted:

Title only, but LOL

AITA for blowing up at my husband because he counted his work on our DND game as one of his chores?

Lmao

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?
Can you turn the vacuum down? I’m trying to figure out how many hit points Gooch the Destroyer will have.

Shanghaied
Oct 12, 2004

BIG PAD

duck trucker posted:

I keep going back to his "recently my wardrobe broke down" like that's just a thing they do like cars. What do you mean man did you break it or did it collapse? I can't wrap my head around that phrasing.

A literal wardrobe malfunction, I'll be damned.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

Shanghaied posted:

A literal wardrobe malfunction, I'll be damned.
"I was at work and my wardrobe malfunctioned, my pants and underwear fell off, so did my coworker's, and then I must have tripped and fallen onto her dick first and in the commotion now she's pregnant. Honest mistake, can happen to anyone."

Shanghaied
Oct 12, 2004

BIG PAD
AITA for throwing away the lingerie that my friends brother bought me


quote:

I (19F) have been living with my best friend (20F) for the last 6 months or so. We’ve been friends since forever. I know her older brother (26M) pretty well too because i’d see him when I was younger and at my friends house and when he’d babysit us sometimes and drive us places. I’ve known him like my whole life.

It was my birthday a month ago and he bought me lingerie which I thought was like really weird so I just put it in my drawer. I threw it away a few days ago because i’m never gonna wear it and like it just makes me uncomfortable because he bought it. He was here earlier and me and my friend were talking to him. He asked me if I wore the lingerie yet and before I could answer my friend asked if the lingerie was the one I threw in the trash I was gonna lie but she already told him what color it was so he knew that it was lingerie he bought me. He started yelling at me for throwing it away because it cost him a lot of money. I apologised but said that it made me really uncomfortable that he bought it for me. He told me he was just being friendly and thought i’d appreciate the gift. He accused me of thinking he’s some kinda pervert and kept yelling at me until I cried and went to my room.

I just hated the way he looked at me when he gave me the lingerie like it grossed me out so much I don’t think he’s a bad person or anything but it just made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be reminded of the way he looked at me every time I saw the lingerie that’s why I got rid of it. I didn’t tell him all this though because it would’ve really upset him. My friend said I kinda overreacted in throwing it away because he was only trying to be nice. I don’t know, AITA?

:catstare:

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

FMguru posted:

Title only, but LOL

AITA for blowing up at my husband because he counted his work on our DND game as one of his chores?

I couldn't help but be curious, so I sought out the full post:

quote:

I (35F) and my husband (35M) have been together for ten years, blissfully happy, no notes.

Over COVID we got into Dungeons and Dragons. We have a weekly game that runs from 3 to 4 hours with three other friends. Five of us have been going on adventures for the past few years, meeting consistently over Zoom. I've been having a great time overall.

My husband is the DM, which means he does a lot of work preparing the sessions. This includes coming up with the characters we are going to have conversations with, figuring out the battles we are going to fight and so on. I really appreciate his work.

On the other hand, I've been feeling like I'm doing more chores in our partnership. I cook a lot, clean the kitchen, help with the loundry, do most of the driving. We tried splitting chores before, there was a period where he would fold laundry or do cleaning while I cooked, but it didn't last beyond a week or two.

I normally don't particularly mind but life has been especially poo poo lately due to health issues in the family and I think it put extra stress on us.

So, the other day I cooked dinner. During dinner he was giving me a sneak peek of the magical items he made for the blacksmith in the new town and I guess I didn't look as excited so he asked me why. I said: "I'll be excited when you clean up the kitchen after we are done eating."

This started a major argument (and we really don't have many of those, so it was a bit intense) about how I don't appreciate his work on this campaign. I countered by saying he's free to work on his hobbies as much as he wants but it's not the same thing as helping me out with chores. To this, he countered, that his work on this DND campaign counts as a chore, just like cooking and cleaning. He said he provides a space for hanging out with our friends every week. In a way, he's organizing and scheduling our social life and that it takes a lot of work.

I thought this was an absolutely bonkers perspective. This is where things escalated because I was sort of befuddled (I still am) and he got really hurt. He did say: "The fact that you're asking this shows you don't understand how much work I put into this campaign." For the record, I did run a leg of the campaign as the DM for a few weeks and it was a lot of work.

But it was a hobby, at least to me. It was a fun thing I elected to do, not something I needed to do, like a chore. He pointed out that I don't need to cook either, we can afford to eat out every night and hire a cleaning service for sorting out the apartment. He's not wrong, we can afford it but it still felt weird.

I eventually let it go, but I feel like I am going to need some sort of a resolution to this because I can feel the resentment bubbling in my chest. I don't want to win an argument, I am not looking for vindication, but can someone give me an insight into this conflict? Am I wrong? Am I being the rear end in a top hat here?

Thank you.

He's the rear end in a top hat for the way he handled it, but I feel like the actual answer is to hire a cleaning service, since they can clearly afford it. DMing is a lot of loving work if you're not just throwing poo poo together. So he's not wrong there. But that doesn't mean you can just neglect everything else in life. The players (including herself) only ever need to show up. DM's often put in hours of prep before every session. Yes, that is part of the hobby, but if he doesn't do that work, it eliminates her hobby as well.

IMHO - they should communicate better (as is always the answer).

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


just play one of the hundreds of RPGs which don't depend on hours (!) of pre-game preparation to be fun

e:

Mordiceius posted:

IMHO - they should communicate better (as is always the answer).

what? no! noooo, c'mon, no.

Doc Hawkins fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Apr 11, 2024

StrangersInTheNight
Dec 31, 2007
ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for throwing away the lingerie that my friends brother bought me

:catstare:

What the gently caress is wrong with that friend. Exposing that she threw the lingerie out and saying the color to prove it so that the brother would know. Dragged her under the bus specifically so the bother would know and that interaction would happen. Creepy siblings, both of them.

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for throwing away the lingerie that my friends brother bought me

quote:

He accused me of thinking he’s some kinda pervert
:catstare:

Wow. He already solved the mystery himself.

Shanghaied
Oct 12, 2004

BIG PAD

Mordiceius posted:

I couldn't help but be curious, so I sought out the full post:

He's the rear end in a top hat for the way he handled it, but I feel like the actual answer is to hire a cleaning service, since they can clearly afford it. DMing is a lot of loving work if you're not just throwing poo poo together. So he's not wrong there. But that doesn't mean you can just neglect everything else in life. The players (including herself) only ever need to show up. DM's often put in hours of prep before every session. Yes, that is part of the hobby, but if he doesn't do that work, it eliminates her hobby as well.

IMHO - they should communicate better (as is always the answer).

I don't play DnD personally, but I guess this is pretty much like all leisure activities that a couple might do together? Like if these two were planning on going on holiday together, then all the travel planning would surely count as "chores" even if they are strictly speaking "non-essential"? Same if they were hosting a party and one person is doing all the prep work.

You can definitely put way too much work into these things, possibly as a way to get out of doing other things, and that may very well be the case with the husband, but that's another issue and can happen with any activity. Just because something is not strictly "essential" doesn't mean it's not a "chore", whatever that means.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb47CstE7R4

EDIT: Wrong thread

Pope Corky the IX fucked around with this message at 23:48 on Apr 11, 2024

Mordiceius
Nov 10, 2007

If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Shanghaied posted:

I don't play DnD personally, but I guess this is pretty much like all leisure activities that a couple might do together? Like if these two were planning on going on holiday together, then all the travel planning would surely count as "chores" even if they are strictly speaking "non-essential"? Same if they were hosting a party and one person is doing all the prep work.

You can definitely put way too much work into these things, possibly as a way to get out of doing other things, and that may very well be the case with the husband, but that's another issue and can happen with any activity. Just because something is not strictly "essential" doesn't mean it's not a "chore", whatever that means.

Upon thinking on this more, this is kinda where I land on it.

They could always switch to a game that doesn't require prep like Doc Hawkins mentioned, though I doubt anyone would like that if they've been playing this campaign for years. Another option would be to not fuckin play weekly because that's a lot of loving work for weekly games. When I've played and DM'd games in the past, we would do every other week at most.

Regardless, if he stopped DMing completely, I very much doubt she would not like that solution either.

OP posted:

He said he provides a space for hanging out with our friends every week. In a way, he's organizing and scheduling our social life and that it takes a lot of work.
He's right.

OP posted:

For the record, I did run a leg of the campaign as the DM for a few weeks and it was a lot of work.
She admits that it is a lot of work.

OP posted:

But it was a hobby, at least to me. It was a fun thing I elected to do, not something I needed to do, like a chore.
Just because something is "fun" doesn't mean it's not a chore/work imo.

I highly doubt if he came to her and said "I'm going to stop DMing and now I'll split the household chores with you 50/50" that she would find that to be a satisfactory solution.

I feel like there need to be a better balance and he should help out, but it does kinda come across as "I want you to do half the chores while also still doing the hours of prep needed for our weekly social function."

Danaru
Jun 5, 2012

何 ??
My Fiancée 32f and I 36m have been having bedroom issues

quote:

As you can read from the title my fiancée (32f) and I (36m) have been having a dry spell bedroom wise. Some background info we’ve been together 7 years engaged for 2 years. She works from home and I commute to and from work. She and I both suffer from depression and anxiety. We had a normal bedroom life till about 3 months ago. She didn’t get a promotion at her job and it really hit her hard. I did all the normal things encouraged her, bought her flowers, took her out to get her mind off of everything, took over all of the household chores, etc. I’ve tried initiating and she’s always tired or she’s hurting in some way. I know she’s in a rough spot right now because of her depression and anxiety but it’s starting to make me feel self conscious about intimacy and even starting a conversation about it. How can I bring this up to her in a way that won’t seem like I’m trying to guilt or pressure her?

TL;DR! Fiancée didn’t get a promotion at work and our bedroom life is non existent

(Wife's going through a bad time with depression and her career) but honey my weiner

Farg
Nov 19, 2013
verdict depends on the quality of the campaign. if he's pulling out all the stops and making sick encounters and cool stories then he's in the right

Silly Newbie
Jul 25, 2007
How do I?

Farg posted:

verdict depends on the quality of the campaign. if he's pulling out all the stops and making sick encounters and cool stories then he's in the right

As someone who has run a multi year campaign in recent memory, it doesn't matter if he's writing Critical Role, he can still do the dishes after someone else cooks for him.

Shanghaied
Oct 12, 2004

BIG PAD

Danaru posted:

My Fiancée 32f and I 36m have been having bedroom issues

(Wife's going through a bad time with depression and her career) but honey my weiner

Oh man, I bet he's starting to feel like he's not the greatest at sex :(

Welp, time to break up, end all friendships, and move to anther state.

Shanghaied fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Apr 12, 2024

Fatty
Sep 13, 2004
Not really fat
I'm guessing DnD husband would be completely unwilling to swap so he does the chores and she does the campaign prep.

Call Your Grandma
Jan 17, 2010

honestly they should just move to the pathfinder system

Troublemaker
Mar 12, 2007

Uh ...

I(29m) am unsure about what to do about my wifes(33F) eating cat kibble?

quote:

I have discovered several times over that my wife would disappear to the garage and come back with a coffee mug covered with a peice of paper towel after several times my curiosity got the better of me and i checked under the paper towel to find the cats dry biscuits. I talked to her about it and she was embarrassed but otherwise unbothered that i knew. Afterwards i looked up and it seems there is some potential health risks for eating kibbles and now im worried they will affect her should i tell her to stop or just let it go as a random quirk? I am worried she will take it the wrong way or try to hide it if I tell her not too. Burner account as she knows my reddit

Edit: talked to her and she said its cause she likes the taste and crunch as well as she would do it more if it was more socially acceptable so it seems she can control herself not to. She sometimes likes to sneak it through.

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



Troublemaker posted:

Uh ...

I(29m) am unsure about what to do about my wifes(33F) eating cat kibble?

Obligatory "is your partner a cat?", but meant literally

haveblue
Aug 15, 2005



Toilet Rascal
No, a cat would never display embarrassment

Captain Fargle
Feb 16, 2011

Wife needs an iron supplement.

JosephSkunk
Dec 16, 2003
Yes, evidently you had misperceived it as rain.

Call Your Grandma posted:

honestly they should just move to the pathfinder system

I mean if you can't find a GURPS manual i guess vOv

Pigsfeet on Rye
Oct 22, 2008

I'm meat on the hoof

Farg posted:

verdict depends on the quality of the campaign. if he's pulling out all the stops and making sick encounters and cool stories then he's in the right

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Troublemaker posted:

Uh ...

I(29m) am unsure about what to do about my wifes(33F) eating cat kibble?

Found a picture of the wife

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Troublemaker posted:

Uh ...

I(29m) am unsure about what to do about my wifes(33F) eating cat kibble?

Question: Is you girlfriend named Nomi Malone?

The Maroon Hawk
May 10, 2008

Troublemaker posted:

Uh ...

I(29m) am unsure about what to do about my wifes(33F) eating cat kibble?

This gal should hook up with Bathroom Butter Guy

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


AITA for telling my MIL to get out of a photo of me and my husband were taking at my wedding?

quote:

I (29F) was getting married to my now-husband (32M), and my MIL(59) was invited to the wedding, of course. I got a strange feeling because she continued trying to pick a wedding dress for me (when I had already picked one and said I did). I brushed it off, as I was excited and all. She also tried to get her son to pick a large, fancy cake (that was only 20% cake). He said no, as I had told him we already made all the arrangements (music, decorations, clothing).

Fast forward, the day of the wedding, we had our ceremony and everything went great. Food and service was amazing, had an artist draw me and my husband while we kissed. I noticed my MIL to be wearing a white simple dress, and didn't think much of it (even though I was a little upset). To have context, she is the only one besides me wearing the color.

Later, when it was photo taking time, I was going to take a photo with my husband. We stood in front of the camera (we had no 'official' previous photos besides the kiss), but my MIL walked into the photo. I told her politely to get out a little so me and my husband could take photos with the professional first. She didn't listen and stayed in anyway, and my husband didn't say anything.

a small update: I took one of our photos and photoshopped her out of it, as I didn't have a chance to get a photo w him alone. I posted it on my instagram and my MIL texted me.

She said I am disrespectful and family comes first through everything, but I said that it was MY wedding and I understood that but I wanted a photo with him alone and she did not allow that. My husband is upset with me for acting this way, saying im being dramatic. AITA?

It was nice of the MIL to let OP come to the wedding of her and her son

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trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008

yospos

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Dear Prudence,

I’ve been in a relationship with “Nick” for almost five years, and for the most part, it’s been smooth sailing. My family adores Nick. But lately, Nick and I have been arguing quite often. I’m a staunch Republican, and two of his friends, “Jordan and “Andrew,” don’t like that. They use all kinds of vile names for me, including “white trailer trash” and “inbred.” This started after I began working for a Republican organization. Before that, they were nice to me. Now they treat me terribly. I’m starting to believe that what they say about me is true. Nick just wants everyone to zip it and get along, but he’s making excuses for people who really aren’t his friends. My friends treat Nick with kindness and respect. My work friends treat him nicely too. My mom thinks I should suck it up because they’re not going anywhere, and my friends think I should stick up for myself—but they think Nick should as well. I’m at the end of my rope, but I don’t want to leave him, and I’m not saying that he isn’t allowed to have friends. My last button has been pushed, and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

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Let’s leave aside what your mother thinks you should do. She may very well want the best for you, but Nick isn’t her boyfriend. Jordan and Andrew aren’t saying things like “This organization’s stances on X and Y are abhorrent, and you should rethink your values.” They’re calling you trash and treating you terribly, and your boyfriend’s response is “Gee, I wish everyone would zip it and get along.” Do you find your boyfriend’s response admirable? Does it make you trust him? Does it increase your respect or your regard for him? Do you think he privately agrees with them, at least in part?

I’m afraid the options you’ve laid out are more or less the only ones I can think of, too. You can suck it up and accept Jordan and Andrew’s treatment as something Nick’s apparently comfortable with. You can break up with Nick, even though you don’t want to, and look for a boyfriend who sticks up for you. You can keep dating Nick and refuse to be in the same room as Jordan and Andrew, which may cut down on some of the vitriol but might also postpone an inevitable confrontation if Nick has trouble balancing his various commitments to his partner and his friends. You could also have that conversation with Nick now. Those are the options! None of them are ideal, but they’re what you have. Which one are you prepared to live with?
This was when Danny Lavery was writing Dear Prudence and he gives good advice here, but you can feel the apathy rising up from the computer screen. In the comments someone was saying things like "Maybe Democrats are the real party of hate."

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Dear Prudence,

I have known Carole (not her real name) since I studied in France about 55 years ago. We have kept in touch, and during two of our (my husband and myself) visits to France, we went to the city she lives in for about four days, and although she invited us to stay at her apartment, we stayed at a hotel. She and her husband were very hospitable and took us on excursions in the area, had us to dinner, etc.

In 2017, she wrote and said she wanted to bring her granddaughter to New York in 2018 (we live in Montreal, Canada). To make a very long, involved story short, she finagled a 10-night visit to Montreal staying at our house most of the time and with four of those nights in New York (my husband being the driver and both of us being the tour guides). The little girl was almost 11 years old and very well-behaved, but Carole was like the Energizer Bunny. She took a thousand photos, and when she couldn’t get online in the hotel, she went crazy. Needless to say, when their trip was over, it took me a week to recuperate!

Well, a few months ago, Carole said she was planning a trip to New York in the summer of 2024, this time with her daughter and her daughter’s two kids (one of them being the granddaughter who was with her in 2018). Knowing how things turned out in 2018, I know this means she wants to be invited to Montreal. Meanwhile, this past year, my husband has had to deal with a very ill sister who lives out of town and had to first be transferred to an assisted living place, and now to a long-care home. He is totally exhausted by all that has happened, and he is the sole caregiver, so he has to visit regularly. I related all of this to Carole, and she seems to have given up talking about going to New York (which means Montreal as well) this summer. However, I bet she will start again next year.

Let me add that in 2019, we moved into a condo and only have one uncomfortable hide-a-bed for guests, and there would be four people who want to come. I wish there were a polite way I could say, “Book a hotel in Montreal, and we will try to show you the sights on some of the days you are here.” Meanwhile, we do not feel like driving them to New York and walking all over in the July heat. If she tries again to be invited, how do I get out of it without being unkind? Remember, she will not start by saying she wants to come to Montreal.

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I must confess I do not understand anything about this letter. Do people from Francophone countries possess some outlandish notion of hospitality that requires you not only put up a visitor for ten days but also drive them about six hours to a completely different country? There is a polite way to say “Book a hotel in Montreal, and we will try to show you the sights on some of the days you are here”—it consists of those exact words, preceded by the word “please.”

Honestly: You are in your seventies. You live in a one-bedroom condo. No reasonable person would expect you to put their family up for a long visit, nor would they expect you to accompany them to New York. If for some reason Carole does expect this—I admit this is possible, due to the fact that you did all this on her previous visit—politely tell her that unfortunately this time you don’t have the space to put them up, and that a trip to the Big Apple simply won’t fit in your schedule, désolée.

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