r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Desert Bus posted:

Having rich parents who hire people to do everything helps a lot.

wikipedia posted:

Grimes was born Claire Elise Boucher in a wealthy Vancouver, British Columbia neighborhood, on March 17, 1988, the eldest child of Sandy Garossino, a former Crown prosecutor and arts advocate, and Maurice Boucher, a former banker who works "in the business side of biotech".

Ah, I understand completely now.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 09:39

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 17:10

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Shanghaied posted:

Is this from a far away country where birthday cakes are dirt cheap? 'Cause just lmao ruining multiple expensive cakes for your lovely joke year after year lol.

You can make a cake for less than 20�.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 11:09

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

AITA For flipping out on my fiance after her daughter almost got me arrested

quote:

I (38M) got engaged to my fiance (37F) about 3 months ago. We've been dating for almost 3 years. She has 2 kids from a previous relationship (15F & 12M). Their dad is involved in their lives and for the most part the adults all co-parent and communicate well. I get along really well with the 12-year-old, but I have always struggled to build a relationship with my soon-to-be step daughter, Riley. She has made it very clear to me, my fiance, and her bio-dad that she doesn't view me as a parent and doesn't want me to try and be a father to her because she already has one.

A few days ago, my fiance sent me a text asking me if I could pick up Riley from school because she had something come up at work that was going to keep her late. My fiance usually picks up Riley once a week and brings her to a chiropractic appointment to help with a sports injury Riley got. She told me she would call the school to let them know that I would be picking Riley up because I wasn't on the approved pick-up list yet.

However, when I got to Riley's school, it quickly became apparent that my fiance forgot to call the school. The school has locked doors that require you to have a code or be buzzed in by the office. I buzzed into the office to let them know I was there to pick up Riley and that my fiance should have called to let them know.

They didn't know anything about it. I was left waiting outside for 5-10 minutes while they figured it out. I tried calling and texting my fiance but she didn't answer. Then, the school resource officer (an actual uniformed cop) came out and told me that I would have to leave and that if I refused then he would arrest me for trespassing. I tried talking with him but he just kept saying I was not authorized to be on school property and that I had to leave.

I had no choice but to leave without Riley. Finally, an hour later, my fiance called me back. I explained what happened and she apologized for forgetting to call the school because she got distracted with work. She told me she would figure it out and meet me at home.

When she and Riley got home, Riley went straight to her room. My fiance sat me down and told me that Riley had lied to the office and told them that she didn't know who I was and had never seen me before. She thought it would be funny. She told me she explained to Riley how dangerous that was and was going to work with Riley's dad to figure out a punishment.

Needless to say, I did not take that news well. I admit I did raise my voice to her. I didn't yell, but I did get louder than I usually talk. She told me to calm down and I told her that I won't calm down because her daughter almost got me arrested because she thought it would be funny. I told her that she's just as responsible for this as Riley is because she didn't call the school and it put me in a position where I looked like a creep or predator.

My fiance thinks I am overreacting and that I need to let her and Riley's dad handle this.

Still a few cop-lovers ITT in TYOOL 2024

quote:

YTA: You did overreact. You can't just get arrested, you have to do something that warrants being arrested. You were asked to leave and you left. True, lots of other problems around but don''t make the drama more than what it was.

The OP posted:

Bahahahahahaha, that's funny. I'll give you 2 guesses on what color my skin is and I guarantee you that your statement is false.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 11:24

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Shanghaied posted:

AITA For flipping out on my fiance after her daughter almost got me arrested

Cop-lover guy also later argues that 'the cops weren't even called' as though the actual uniformed cop who told OP to leave somehow doesn't count?

Fortunately, that's just one idiot; the overwhelming response seems to be the correct answer of NTA and also note Riley was willing to lie (and miss her own injury rehab appointment) in such a serious way.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 11:59

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

Just a harmless attempted murder prank why are you so upset?

# ? Apr 13, 2024 11:59

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

I guess lots of people still don't know that "school resource officers" are real cops with real badges and real guns, and that lots of school districts now have actual loving SWAT teams.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 12:06

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

AITA for refusing to lend my daughter out to my SIL for a �mommy and me tea�?

quote:

I never really had a good relationship with my SIL Sheila. She has two boys with her husband, my hubby�s older brother. Both of her sons are special needs. I think Sheila has always resented me for having only girls. She is very feminine, likes to her hair and nails done, go out for girls nights and she doesn�t show much interest in her sons� activities. She�s always talked about how nice it would be to take her hypothetical daughter shopping or brunch instead of being home alone while Brandon takes the boys out to basketball games or fishing. She adores my younger daughter because she�s at that age where she still loves ballerinas, princesses and anything pink and girly.

Over Easter, Sheila asked if my younger daughter wanted to come to a �mommy and me tea� for Mother�s Day. I said no, because my hubby and I are already planning something for Mothers Day. And I want to spend it with my girls.

Sheila broke down and mumbled something about how she wanted to do something fun instead of being stuck at home with her sons.

I felt bad for her. Sheila loves going out to eat but can�t take Cooper or Teddy along because they can�t cope with being still or in loud places with lots of people around. She and her husband haven�t gone out since Teddy was born and it�s hard to find a sitter.

At the same time, my daughter isn�t a doll to placate her �girl mom� wants.

I feel worse now because we had a family dinner last night and Sheila broke down crying when someone asked what she had planned for Mother�s Day and that she just wanted to do �normal mom things� for once.

This whole thing makes me feel nauseous. When I talked about it to work colleagues over lunch, they suggested that I let Sheila take my Kate to lunch anyway. It will make her feel better, they said, and I�d be the rear end in a top hat if I didn�t do something to help her.

This whole situation really skeeves me out. AITA if I don�t let my girls anywhere near my SIL with supervision, let alone.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 12:13

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for refusing to lend my daughter out to my SIL for a “mommy and me tea”?

I dunno man. Trying to steal mother's day and abandon your own kids is pretty forward and weird but even OPs attempts at casting it sinister just make it sound like a lady having a hard time with a hard job and reaching out for some comfort and joy.

I can't imagine that the Mommy and Me brunch is checking IDs. The compromise here seems like an Auntie, Mom, and girls brunch that wraps up in time for her to have time for her own kids.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 12:38

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

But then weirdness about my kid already destroyed someone else's marriage so perhaps I'm overly sensitive.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 12:40

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

I would posit that actually, it is not a good thing to use your kid as a therapy dog for a mom having a hard time

# ? Apr 13, 2024 13:06

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

but what if your kid just has good vibes

# ? Apr 13, 2024 13:10

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

idiotsavant posted:

I would posit that actually, it is not a good thing to use your kid as a therapy dog for a mom having a hard time

Yeah my kids would hate being spoiled by a grateful aunt.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 13:23

Olanphonia: Jul 27, 2006; I'm open to suggestions~

She could just ask her daughter if she'd like to go with her aunt, and if the OP is uncomfortable with her daughter going solo she can go with her. This doesn't have to be a big deal.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 13:30

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

AITAH For asking for a divorce after my husband confessed on TikTok live that he loved another woman.

quote:

My husband got very drunk on TikTok live and said a LIST of inappropriate things.

“I absolutely love everything about her.”

“I completely love everything about you. “

“I love her so much” - over the span of an hour he said it 6 times.

“I have no qualms about telling you that I was heads over tails for that woman.”

“it (a relationship with her) wasn’t meant for this old SOB but that’s okay. Life goes on.”

“If it wasn’t a 5 hour drive I would maybe come hang something in you.”

“I’ll only see the whites of her eyes? Well all I’m trying to see is the pink of her lips.”

“when you found your man, I conceded. I was happy for you but heartbroken for me.” - about her finding a husband and having a child.

I had a crush on her, ungodly and I don’t care who knows it.

“I don’t want to disrespect her fella’ but on my god I had a crush on her. Still do. Cause she is fine as wine.”

“she’s a beautiful woman, and an old ugly son of a bitch like me don’t deserve that kind of treatment.”

“I don’t care who knows it, I love that woman.”

“I went to Hogwarts but I saved the Cheesecake Factory date for us.”

Only 3 people watched and I screen recorded everything. When I showed it to him he was of course embarrassed but shrugged it off saying no one saw it.

When I pushed the issue he started yelling at me, called me a mother fucker and brought up every mistake I’d ever made in the course of 10 years rather than apologize. He says he’s stayed with me through my mistakes and I’m just throwing him away.

A few days of him simmering and me being cold and now he’s apologized and tried to buy me something to make it right and I asked him for a divorce.

He said I made a big deal out of nothing, nobody saw it and I’m just trying to break up his family.

Am I The rear end in a top hat?

(He spoke with this girl over messenger while he and I were separated a few years ago. She came into his TikTok live and he just went crazy and started gushing all over her.)

# ? Apr 13, 2024 13:32

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Acid vat that husband.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:12

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

artsy fartsy posted:

AITAH For asking for a divorce after my husband confessed on TikTok live that he loved another woman.

“I went to Hogwarts but I saved the Cheesecake Factory date for us.”

What the gently caress does that mean

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:35

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

There are people in this country for whom the Cheesecake Factory is the height of 1% luxury and decadence.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:38

Enemabag Jones: Mar 24, 2015

John Wick of Dogs posted:

“I went to Hogwarts but I saved the Cheesecake Factory date for us.”

What the gently caress does that mean

I don't know what this means but I'm gonna start using it in everyday conversation.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:41

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

idiotsavant posted:

I would posit that actually, it is not a good thing to use your kid as a therapy dog for a mom having a hard time

Yup. Also making the request for mother's day itself is super weird. Like I get a weekend lunch date with an aunt would be super fun but this is borderline creepy

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:46

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Yeah my kids would hate being spoiled by a grateful aunt.

She�s not looking to spoil a beloved niece, she�s looking for a replacement kid so she can pretend to be a normal mom. Again, it isn�t a kid�s job to be therapy for someone�s messed up life. And when the kid�s actual mom is like �yeah no I�m not letting that family member near my kid unsupervised� maybe that�s not a person you want to go have Mother�s Day tea with anyways

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:46

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

artsy fartsy posted:

AITAH For asking for a divorce after my husband confessed on TikTok live that he loved another woman.

I�m imagining this husband as some 78-yo attack of the cooters hayseed, drunk as a skunk in the barn/tool shed/storm cellar & it�s beautiful

# ? Apr 13, 2024 14:52

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

idiotsavant posted:

She’s not looking to spoil a beloved niece, she’s looking for a replacement kid so she can pretend to be a normal mom. Again, it isn’t a kid’s job to be therapy for someone’s messed up life. And when the kid’s actual mom is like “yeah no I’m not letting that family member near my kid unsupervised” maybe that’s not a person you want to go have Mother’s Day tea with anyways

But she feels bad, and kids aren't really real people anyway

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:15

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

Yeah my kids would hate being spoiled by a grateful aunt.

As someone who was lent out as a therapy animal as a child, gently caress off into the acid vat.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:26

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

artsy fartsy posted:

AITAH For asking for a divorce after my husband confessed on TikTok live that he loved another woman.

I can't believe you, my wife, are angry that I spent hours confessing my undying love to another woman over the internet. Nobody even saw it!

I, your wife, did!

Yeah, like I said, nobody saw it.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:41

Lieutenant Dan: Oct 27, 2009; Weedlord Bonerhitler

If I had a good relationship with my mom I think I'd prefer to spend mother's day with her than with Random Aunt

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:43

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

Biplane posted:

But she feels bad, and kids aren't really real people anyway

Also they don't let you in to the American Doll cafe without a kid, and that's where the best crab cakes are.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:44

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

wheatpuppy posted:

Also they don't let you in to the American Doll cafe without a kid, and that's where the best crab cakes are.

Awww, drat, that was a good one.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:45

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

wheatpuppy posted:

Also they don't let you in to the American Doll cafe without a kid, and that's where the best crab cakes are.

So that's why she wants someone to come with her, she needs a DD.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:48

Lieutenant Dan: Oct 27, 2009; Weedlord Bonerhitler

wheatpuppy posted:

Also they don't let you in to the American Doll cafe without a kid, and that's where the best crab cakes are.

I love that story so much. I love how that guy got absolutely loaded on champagne. Did he have to rent a doll for the table??

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:52

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

wheatpuppy posted:

Also they don't let you in to the American Doll cafe without a kid, and that's where the best crab cakes are.

i missed this one could someone repost?

# ? Apr 13, 2024 15:56

Lieutenant Dan: Oct 27, 2009; Weedlord Bonerhitler

snergle posted:

i missed this one could someone repost?

AITA for going to the American Girl Doll cafe alone?

quote:

I�m 31M. Years ago I went to the American Girl Cafe for my nieces birthday. I didn�t really want to go, but while I was there I ordered the crab cakes and they were actually amazing. I�ve been thinking about them regularly since then. I have no interest in the dolls, just the crab cakes.

Because I figured most people aren�t going out right now I decided to go back to get crab cakes, hoping it would be an empty room with just me eating my lunch in peace. While it wasn�t as crowded, I still felt odd because it was fairly well populated with little girls. I just kept to myself and ordered. The waitress asked when the rest of my party would be joining me. I said I was just there to eat by myself. I could tell this disturbed her. But whatever it�s legal to eat at a cafe, I just like the food there.

Well after I ate crab cakes and 4 glasses of sparkling brut (amazing by the way) the manager came out and said other patrons felt uncomfortable by my presence. I asked if it was because I was a man. They couldn�t answer me. Clearly they assume any man in the American girl tea room is creepy. I explained I�m just a fan of the crab cakes (not even the other food there to be honest, the cake sucks) and I wanted to enjoy a relaxing lunch.

They eventually made me leave (of course I still had to pay) but this feels like discrimination. I was slightly tipsy but not drunk. I am thinking of returning at a later date if I can find maybe a single mom and her daughter who would be willing to go with me (I�m in the process of dating a single mom with a 6 year old daughter and I�d be lying if I said this wouldn�t be a perk) but to be honest the whole experience ruined the restaurant for me. Am I crazy? I feel like I did nothing wrong.

Hammered off my rear end in the American Girl Doll Crab Room

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:09

ScienceSeagull: May 17, 2021; Figure 1 Smart birds.

Mr. Lion Diet reminded me, wasn't there a dude in the last thread who bragged about using a "lion pose" on the toilet?

This is how I picture both of those "lions":

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:14

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

artsy fartsy posted:

AITAH For asking for a divorce after my husband confessed on TikTok live that he loved another woman.

There's a lot of thread titles in this one.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:28

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

Lieutenant Dan posted:

AITA for going to the American Girl Doll cafe alone?
They eventually made me leave (of course I still had to pay) but this feels like discrimination. I was slightly tipsy but not drunk. I am thinking of returning at a later date if I can find maybe a single mom and her daughter who would be willing to go with me (I�m in the process of dating a single mom with a 6 year old daughter and I�d be lying if I said this wouldn�t be a perk) but to be honest the whole experience ruined the restaurant for me. Am I crazy? I feel like I did nothing wrong.

The idea of being "in the process" of dating a single mom to act as a beard so you can go the the American Girl Doll cafe for their crab cakes is pretty mind-blowing. Why not just get takeout? I don't know if this story is recent, but even pre-2020 pretty much every restaurant (and especially chain restaurants) had some option for takeaway food, and that seems to entirely solve the problem for him.

Also anytime someone describes themselves as 'slightly tipsy but not drunk' in stories like this, I assume they were staggeringly drunk but in denial that they were. So I really don't think he's going to have a discrimination case when for the time the cafe for little girls who like dolls kicked the guy who came in to get wasted and eat crab cakes.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:34

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

Lieutenant Dan posted:

AITA for going to the American Girl Doll cafe alone?

Hammered off my rear end in the American Girl Doll Crab Room

thank you.

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

The idea of being "in the process" of dating a single mom to act as a beard so you can go the the American Girl Doll cafe for their crab cakes is pretty mind-blowing. Why not just get takeout? I don't know if this story is recent, but even pre-2020 pretty much every restaurant (and especially chain restaurants) had some option for takeaway food, and that seems to entirely solve the problem for him.

Also anytime someone describes themselves as 'slightly tipsy but not drunk' in stories like this, I assume they were staggeringly drunk but in denial that they were. So I really don't think he's going to have a discrimination case when for the time the cafe for little girls who like dolls kicked the guy who came in to get wasted and eat crab cakes.

i feel like this might of not been an option since the entire point of t hat cafe is to go take your kid there to have a tea party and get upsold a 500$ doll.

he was absolutely plastered

Shanghaied posted:

AITA for refusing to lend my daughter out to my SIL for a �mommy and me tea�?

im getting alot of wierd vibes from this post

one i think op thinks being a girly girl is bad and if one of her daughters turns out that way she would be mad

two your sil needs therapy and do not leave her alone with your daughters. she sounds like she could break down and kidnap a daughter to go be a single mom to.

snergle fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Apr 13, 2024

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:36

mystes: May 31, 2006

If you like a specific dish from a specific restaurant so much that you're willing to date someone just to procure it, perhaps it would be more efficient to just try to figure out how to make it yourself as closely as possible.

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:37

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

I googled to see if the recipe for those amazing crab cakes was online and found this from r/bestoflegaladvice:

I was removed from the American Girl Cafe for my gender. Do I have legal recourse?

quote:

I�m a 31 year old man. I am not a pedophile. A few years ago I was forced to go to the American Girl Doll cafe in Chicago for my nieces birthday and I tried the crab cakes which turned out to be amazing. Since then I�ve had a hankering for them so recently I returned on my own. I indulged in 4 glasses of sparkling brut with the crab cakes but I was not drunk. The staff asked me to leave because I did not have a child with me. I understand it�s a bit weird to be a man in a AGD store but rest assured I was only there for the food. Is this illegal?

# ? Apr 13, 2024 16:42