r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

mystes: May 31, 2006

mutantIke posted:

Maybe the sister took a vow of silence as a teen because she wanted to be an air force test pilot, only to find out that she was colorblind (and thus unable to become a test pilot) shortly after losing her grandfather while on a road trip to a children's beauty pageant. We don't know.

yeah I saw that movie

# ? Apr 15, 2024 21:25

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 19:36

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

I think I've seen the Loki one before but a couple of threads ago. Before reading the spoiler I assumed it was The Flash

# ? Apr 15, 2024 21:33

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Wait, people aren't allowed to gently caress themselves?

Now someone tells me :colbert:

# ? Apr 15, 2024 21:58

Rescue Toaster: Mar 13, 2003

So are Loki and Alligator Loki related then?

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:01

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?

quote:

My wife Sidney & I are extremely close. We do almost everything together; brush, have food, showering. If she asks me not do anything, I won't. If I ask her to not do something I dislike, she's happy to comply.

Her friend Lisa was over yesterday for dinner. Sidney and I often feed each other food.

Lisa looked at us weirdly. She said "What are you doing?" and I said "Having dinner?"

She said "Yeah, but you feed each other like that? That's just weird."

I did not like it, and of course neither did Sidney. She said it's none of her business. But she was shooting weird looks at us as we fed each other food, including when we were holding each other's hands.

When Sid leaned over to kiss my forehead, Lisa said "Stop this poo poo. It's insulting and frankly disgusting."

That led to a huge argument. In the end Sidney asked her to get lost, and I was only happy to. I asked her to get out of the house.

She left, but is still mad at us by saying that we insulted her.

AITA?

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:05

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

New perfume?

quote:

Original post
New Perfume?

So, my husband and I have been married for 5 months now. I (25F) have been noticing weird changes in his (27M) behavior, and this certain instance is nagging me.
The other day after he got home from work, he smelled like perfume. My husband wears the same cologne, has since I�ve known him at least.

It would be just odd, but it�s been a couple days this week that it�s happened. He smells like vanilla.
When I asked him about it, he said he got off a bit early and wanted to surprise me with some self care and beauty stuff. He says he went to the mall and the lady helped him smell some perfumes and lotions to give me. Maybe bath & body works? Idk.

But if that were true, he would smell like a couple scents mixed right? not just vanilla? It�s not a week long thing to pick a perfume.

Well today, after he got off work, he gave me a gift basket. it had melon scented lotion, a new loofah, hair ties, some snacks and�
vanilla perfume.
Am I being crazy?

To note, I don�t wear perfume often. When I do, it�s normally a light floral scent or lavender. Nothing sweet or heavy like vanilla.
What should my next step be?

Update (3 days later)
okay. wow. i�ve had a lot of people pming me for an update. i would�ve preferred to wait but i guess it doesn�t matter.

my life is a mess now. i�m distraught and have been crying endlessly for the past 3 days.
i�ll try to sum it up: there�s no other woman. there�s another man. i guess my husband has been living in the closet for years. he�s not gay, but he is bisexual. he said he missed out on getting to experiment. he used the perfume as a cover up so at the very least i�d think it was a woman.

we�re divorcing. my best friend of so many years. lost. he put me in danger by having unprotected sex with men. it wasn�t just one. it�s been tens of them for years.

i guess his current fwb gave him the perfume idea? but that�s what led to him getting caught.
i did do a panel test for stds but won�t know my results for a bit. if it�s positive, that explains the itching.
i want to be there for him and support him but right now i need space. he�s with his mom right now. she doesn�t know anything. i would never out my husband.

he says he isn�t gay but does prefer men. i�m torn and indescribably sad.
so there it is reddit, the update.

No honey calm down I�m just raw dogging other women, not men

What was the though process on that one

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:05

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Hmm, I've successfully cheated on my wife with dozens of men and she suspects nothing. I should probably make sure that I come home smelling like womens' perfume so that she doesn't think I'm out banging dudes as I have been for many years without her knowing.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:08

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Warning references to but not direct descriptions of really bad stuff

My (20m) gf (20f) keeps calling me a nickname she knows makes me uncomfortable, what do I do to get her to stop?

quote:

So of your not familiar there's a show on YouTube I think, called hazbin hotel I haven't watched it but my gf is obsessed with it

From my understanding it's about a hotel in hell run by a angel who's trying to get people to repent for there sins
Again I'm very unfamiliar with the show, and I only seen tiktoks of it and what my gf showed me
But there's a spider dude named angel dust that's a prostitute and a addict I think

She's convinced I look like him so anytime she refers to me to her friends (who are also obsessed with the show) she refers to me as angel dust and they refer to there bfs as other people from the show

Now it wouldn't be that bad and make me that uncomfortable but from 16-18 I was addicted to coke and from 6-10 I was basically sex trafficked

I've talked to her about why it makes me uncomfortable and her response is always basically
"it's not because of that it's because you look like him" or "it's a joke your being full of yourself"
This is not something I'm willing to break up with her over but I can't stress how uncomfortable it makes me, all there bfs think it's innocent so I kinda feel like I'm overeating

TL;DR my gf keeps calling me angel dust and it's making me uncomfortable
so update

i got home like 3 hours ago and we got into a huge argument because she refused to tell me why she was calling me that and i kept making assumptions on why she was calling me that
anyways i basically told her to just text me when she was ready to talk and i was going to drive
so i drive to a park and was just walking and after like 10 minutes she texted me
and basically what happened was shes in a girls movie club and they were all at this one girls house watching the show when one of the girl joked about wanting to date a dude from the show

One of the other girls joked about how she kind of was because her bf acted like a "nice" version of the dude in the show

So basically one thing led to another and they all agreed to play a prank on there bfs my gf included that they'd just call there bfs there show crushes names till they finished the show
She said that it had nothing to do with us acting the same it was just because she had a crush on him

Also to note i wasn't doing a good job at explaining why it hurt me looking back at it so that was my fault
So yeah now my gf is embarrassed and i feel bad because i yelled at her and made her cry but now were on good terms

Also to the people saying i was ignoring other problems i promises you i wasn't this was on of our only problems in the past 3 years

TL:DR to the update my gf has a crush on a cartoon spider

My brother in christ this is not her only problem

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:19

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

quote:

She then claimed I was homophobic, since the male lead is bisexual but still ended up with a woman.

Sarah can gently caress right off with that poo poo, pisses me right off

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:22

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

hazbin hotel: not even once

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:22

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

AKA Pseudonym posted:

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?

What on loving earth lol

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:29

Lieutenant Dan: Oct 27, 2009; Weedlord Bonerhitler

AKA Pseudonym posted:

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?

What the hell? Like spooning pasta into her mouth and poo poo??

edit: Oh excuse me "with our hands". Like going to town on a chicken drumstick someone else is holding?!

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:35

Paper Tiger: Jun 17, 2007; 🖨️🐯torn apart by idle hands

That Will Ferrell/Rachel Dratch SNL skit from the 2000's is now posting on Reddit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tspv9UZVBwU&t=66s

"Our bodies, sluggish with goat meat"

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:40

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

the holy poopacy posted:

Hmm, I've successfully cheated on my wife with dozens of men and she suspects nothing. I should probably make sure that I come home smelling like womens' perfume so that she doesn't think I'm out banging dudes as I have been for many years without her knowing.

My "Not banging dudes" signature scent has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my scent.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:41

Indecisive: May 6, 2007

Yea you aren't just the rear end in a top hat for kicking out your friend who you creeped out you're the rear end in a top hat for doing that in front of her to begin with. Keep your exhibitionism fetish in check, send that poo poo to tiktok or something im sure theres plenty of perverts who want to watch

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:42

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

100 degrees Calcium posted:

This will probably get me murdered, but I think you can like any fictional pairing you want.

Especially trans-dimensional selfcest.

so what you're trying to say is that you are going to gather a bunch of like-minded supporters, head down to Washington DC and stage a protest with your " legalize incest" signs ?

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:47

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

DeeplyConcerned posted:

so what you're trying to say is that you are going to gather a bunch of like-minded supporters, head down to Washington DC and stage a protest with your " legalize incest" signs ?

Not a lot of Rick and Morty fans itt

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:54

Captain Yossarian: Feb 24, 2011; All new" Rings of Fire"

Lieutenant Dan posted:

What the hell? Like spooning pasta into her mouth and poo poo??

edit: Oh excuse me "with our hands". Like going to town on a chicken drumstick someone else is holding?!

Also they hold hands during dinner. I can't stop thinking about this one lol

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:55

Brain Curry: Feb 15, 2007; People think that I'm lazy
People think that I'm this fool because
I give a fuck about the government
I didn't graduate from high school

Lieutenant Dan posted:

What the hell? Like spooning pasta into her mouth and poo poo??

edit: Oh excuse me "with our hands". Like going to town on a chicken drumstick someone else is holding?!

Sucking queso off each other�s fingers

# ? Apr 15, 2024 22:59

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

I can only imagine the amount of loud moaning and sooo gooooods going on during their dinner ritual

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:00

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Brain Curry posted:

Sucking queso off each other�s fingers

Before I can decide who is the rear end in a top hat is it New Mexico or Arizona queso?

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:05

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

AKA Pseudonym posted:

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?
My wife Sidney & I are extremely close. We do almost everything together; brush, have food, showering.

It's nice that you enjoy spending time together but y'all can't handle being apart for the couple minutes it takes you to brush your teeth? Really?

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:09

Brain Curry: Feb 15, 2007; People think that I'm lazy
People think that I'm this fool because
I give a fuck about the government
I didn't graduate from high school

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

Before I can decide who is the rear end in a top hat is it New Mexico or Arizona queso?

Old el paso queso

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:12

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

big black turnout posted:

This is unfortunately pretty common from what I've seen.

Yeah it feels partly like the stereotype that dudes want sex 24/7 & if they refuse, there�s something wrong with them

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:12

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA For backing out on an agreement my husband and I made years ago regarding potential kid names

quote:

My husband (38M) and I (37F) have been married for 11-years and have 2 daughters (8 & 4). I am currently 12-weeks pregnant with our third child. I just had an ultrasound and we were able to determine the sex of the baby, a little boy. We have found out the sex of all of our children this way.

My husband is a "third." As in, John Smith III. Before we got married and were having discussions about kids, he did make it very clear that passing down his name was very important to him if we had a son. At the time I thought it was really cute and adorable how much pride he took in it since most guys don't really care about that sort of sentimental stuff. But as the years have gone by I've definitely cooled on the idea quite a bit and I don't think I want to have our son be named after my husband that way.

Obviously, with our first 2 kids we didn't even have to think about it. But when we were choosing names for our daughters, my husband was very much in the "you can take the lead on naming our daughter because I already have the name picked out if we have a son" camp. It's not like he wasn't involved in naming our daughters, but he definitely deferred to my opinion.

So, when we found out we were having a boy, my husband was very excited. On the car ride home after the ultrasound it was all he could talk about. He was giddy like a teenager talking about how proud he would be of sharing his name with his son.

I don't know if it was the best time to bring this up, but I kind of had one of those "yeah, about that" moments. I told him how I know we had talked about this many times before with our other kids and that I technically agreed to it years ago, but I don't think I want to name our son the same as my husband.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone's mood change so quickly and visibly as my husband's did in that moment. It was like all the joy went out of his body all at once. I told him that I just don't want our son to be a "forth." It seems tacky and has weird aristocratic vibes that just don't seem right to me. I told him that I am not totally against the idea, but I don't want to just agree to it right now because I want time to think about other names too.

He took that as me basically saying that I am going back on our years-long agreement and that there is no way we are naming our son after him. He said this is pretty much me telling him "maybe" when I really mean "no."

This has taken all of his excitement about the baby away. He's been withdrawn and quiet with me ever since. When I try to talk to him about it, he tells me he has nothing to say because he's been very clear about where he stands on this and he feels betrayed by my change of heart.

I asked him if he would want to think of some other names together and he told me to give him a list and he'll look at it when he can. I know I technically agreed to this years ago, but it just doesn't feel right to me anymore.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend to stop her sisters from touching her?

quote:

I (m25) have been dating (f21) for a year now and moved in 2 weeks ago. We fell in love pretty quick because she's amazing and honestly i think she's the one. So we decided to meet eachother's families. I grew up with my older brother and parents who she has already met when she came to dinner last week at my parents' house. It went really well. Yesterday it was my turn to go to her parents' house for dinner. She had always told me that her sisters treat her like their daughter as she is the youngest in her family. Her sisters are (f27) and (f32) which are both significantly huge age gaps. She also had told me that her parents always loved them in a cute cuddly manner which i thought was cute. When i went to her house yesterday her sisters greeted her by pecking her cheeks and hugging. They kept pulling her cheeks and kissed her forhead again when we were about to leave and idky why but the entire pecking thing made me really uncomfortable. Everything else was great, they're all great people but her mum, dad and sisters all actually pecked her on forehead before saying bye which was super uncomfortable for me. I told my girlfriend about this when we reached home and she got really upset and embarassed and said i was making it sound like incest which seems a bit too much. She went to sleep after that with teary eyes and hasn't talked to me all day. Am i the rear end in a top hat for feeling this way and telling her about it?

Edit: Gee i get it i get it!! I see now that i overreacted. Yeah many of you are right, i never got this kind of affection in my family so i didn't know what to expect. I love her and have already apologized to her. It's a little harsh for wanting us to break up but I won't let that happen. She's taking her time but I'll try my best to fix my mistake. Please be a little kinder.

Learned, grew, apologized. Can't beat that.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:12

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

AKA Pseudonym posted:

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?

Fuckin gross. Like, sure, it is your own house but you're hosting people. Don't be loving weird. This feels like forcing other people into your fetish.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:18

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Maybe it�s poly cheese bag couple and they found a compromise.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:20

edgeman83: Jul 13, 2003

AKA Pseudonym posted:

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?

All I could think of is the main character from Weird Al's Albuquerque:

quote:

That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:26

Big Bowie Bonanza: Dec 30, 2007; please tell me where i can date this cute boy

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA For backing out on an agreement my husband and I made years ago regarding potential kid names

I think this is an ESH. I don�t really care myself and think it�s a silly tradition. That being said, this is clearly EXTREMELY important to him. He�s being a big baby about her expressing her doubts about it, but she also agreed to it and probably should just stick with it.

E: actually I thought about it and I�m changing my answer to YTA. She sucked the fun out of this for him after agreeing to something for a long rear end time for no reason.

Big Bowie Bonanza fucked around with this message at 23:30 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:27

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Exactly. I am not crazy about aristocratic-style names, but OP not only made the promise before they married, but repeated it for each of their previous two pregnancies which turned out to be daughters. She'd had eleven years to change her mind and discuss it, but she waited it until the instant the ultrasound dropped.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:35

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

I think this is an ESH. I don�t really care myself and think it�s a silly tradition. That being said, this is clearly EXTREMELY important to him. He�s being a big baby about her expressing her doubts about it, but she also agreed to it and probably should just stick with it.

E: actually I thought about it and I�m changing my answer to YTA. She sucked the fun out of this for him after agreeing to something for a long rear end time for no reason.

imho, she's absolutely TA. "I benefitted from our agreement twice since I got free reign to name our daughters. Now I won't let you name our son."

It's not like he's trying to name the kid Anakin Loki Master Chief The Fourth.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:38

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA For backing out on an agreement my husband and I made years ago regarding potential kid names

she ain't gonna listen to any advice

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:42

Brain Curry: Feb 15, 2007; People think that I'm lazy
People think that I'm this fool because
I give a fuck about the government
I didn't graduate from high school

Mordiceius posted:

imho, she's absolutely TA. "I benefitted from our agreement twice since I got free reign to name our daughters. Now I won't let you name our son."

It's not like he's trying to name the kid Anakin Loki Master Chief The Fourth.

Even if he is, she was ok with Anakin Loki Master Chief The Third

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:42

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Brain Curry posted:

Even if he is, she was ok with Anakin Loki Master Chief The Third

Oh absolutely. I just meant that a "ridiculous" name like naming your child Dovahkiin, is the only possible way I could even begin to slightly think she's not the rear end in a top hat.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:47

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Arsenic Lupin posted:

It seems tacky and has weird aristocratic vibes that just don't seem right to me. I told him that I am not totally against the idea, but I don't want to just agree to it right now because I want time to think about other names too.

Huh yeah all things I agree with her on, maybe she should have considered those before making the agreement with her husband!

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:47

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Mordiceius posted:

It's not like he's trying to name the kid Anakin Loki Master Chief The Fourth.

I mean, we don't know that

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:49

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Captain Hygiene posted:

I mean, we don't know that

Please, Mr. Master Chief was my father. I'm simply Anakin Loki Master Chief the Third.

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:50

idiotsavant: Jun 4, 2000

AKA Pseudonym posted:

AITA for kicking out my wife's friend for saying that I am disgusting for feeding each other food with our hands?

What are the chances this couple was 100% like, lady & the tramping a pork chop before they started food-related foreplay with dessert in front of their friend

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:50

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

At least they can't call him Trey

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:51

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# ? Jun 1, 2024 19:36

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

I think this is an ESH. I don’t really care myself and think it’s a silly tradition. That being said, this is clearly EXTREMELY important to him. He’s being a big baby about her expressing her doubts about it, but she also agreed to it and probably should just stick with it.

E: actually I thought about it and I’m changing my answer to YTA. She sucked the fun out of this for him after agreeing to something for a long rear end time for no reason.

Also going with YTA. It's not like he's trying to give the kid a stupid name. She also got to pick both girls' names. She needs to figure her poo poo out.

E wait do yall not shower with your spouses? That's what having two shower heads is for, spraying your spouse in the face.

Scathach fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Apr 15, 2024

# ? Apr 15, 2024 23:53

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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