r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

mllaneza posted:

He's actually accepted that he hosed up really badly. She's ghosting him and it looks like he'll come to term with that in time.

Must have been later than I ended up reading, because he's got like twenty comments that are painfully insufferably smug and I couldn't get any farther.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 07:31

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# ? May 23, 2024 08:43

carrionman: Oct 30, 2010

Scathach posted:

Yeah none here, never wanted kids. I got lucky, husband is sterile. Honestly that was a dream come true for both of us.

Not a kid hater, happy aunt to a bunch of lil kids, just don't want em myself.

My uncle is like this, and he is absolutely the coolest uncle.

He knows absolutely nothing about kids, but he makes up for it with enthusiasm. The look on my parents face when he gave 10 year old me a 1907 pattern bayonet sharpened to a razor edge for Christmas was priceless. drat thing was half as long as I was tall.

He also gave me half a kilo of mercury and a possum Joey in formaldehyde at other times. Just the most amazing poo poo when you're a child

# ? Apr 23, 2024 07:35

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Butter Activities posted:

I remember this one but I don�t remember it being a loving diagnostic lab. Jesus Christ

But we need to remember here: The OP is not an alcoholic. They just have a really high alcohol tolerance. And really tend to cut loose as soon as there's not someone around directly controlling how much they drink.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 08:01

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

And try to pressure everyone around them into drinking too.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 08:02

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

Halloween Jack posted:

That kid is probably neurodivergent, but I get a little uncomfortable when people jump to the conclusion that any given trait is proof of neurodivergence. As a general rule, kids are bored by wedding ceremonies.

When I was about 11 or so, I tore up the table cover into tiny pieces (was basically just paper so not really a tablecloth) and played with a lit candle. The wedding party did complain to my parents but nothing actually came of it. Weird how literally nothing I did as a child prompted my mum to get any kind of testing when I hit almost every checkbox for AuDHD :shrug:

# ? Apr 23, 2024 08:06

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

Reading through that Sims one reminded me of this one about a parent deleting their kids' Minecraft world in the middle of the initial COVID lockdowns (this one probably isn't technically abuse but holy gently caress will it get your blood boiling, especially if you've ever made anything cool in Minecraft yourself)

AITA for deleting my son's Minecraft world?

quote:

I have 2 children, a 9 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. My son had a Minecraft world where he built quite an impressive castle on an island, which he was very proud to show to me.

Since school was canceled, he has had issues with waking up on time. He is supposed to wake up at 7 each morning, but for the past month he has been sleeping in until about 9 or 10. I always set an alarm for him, but he sleeps right through it. I don't wake him up because waking himself up is a skill that he needs to learn. I told him about 2 weeks ago that there are going to be consequences for him if he continues to sleep in every morning. At first, he understood and was waking up on time every morning. But for the past week or so, he has fallen back into old habits. I told him yesterday that this is his final warning. Today, he slept in until 11.

So I followed through with my warning, and went on the computer and deleted his favorite Minecraft world. I also took away computer privileges for the next month. When I told him, he started screaming and crying. He told me that he spent a whole year working on that world, and he's very distraught that he's never going to see it again. He has been crying and sobbing throughout the day, and has refused to eat any of his meals.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 08:08

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

The Maroon Hawk posted:

Reading through that Sims one reminded me of this one about a parent deleting their kids' Minecraft world in the middle of the initial COVID lockdowns (this one probably isn't technically abuse but holy gently caress will it get your blood boiling, especially if you've ever made anything cool in Minecraft yourself)

AITA for deleting my son's Minecraft world?

Ugh, the worst part of this for me is every word they say about sleep. If he sleeps through the alarm, maybe he's fuckin tired. Maybe he needs some fuckin sleep.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 09:01

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

FMguru posted:

In the spirit of the guy who tried to do Don Draper cosplay in his 21st century office, we have this story (from 2021):

AITA for ordering Tequila shots for my work colleagues at Friday lunchtime?

A lab having its techs doing paying diagnostic work after taking 5-6 lunchtime shots of tequila would probably lose all their clients, if not their operating license, if that sort of thing became known.

I worked in a bank call centre back in the early 2000s and there was a group that would go and have four pints at lunch on a friday and I still don't know how they didn't get caught and fired and they wouldn't have been doing anything that really impacted on anyone on a friday afternoon. Two shots of tequila at lunchtime really feels like it was enough to get the rest of the team fired, it definitely seems like the three guys that kept drinking with OP and bro should have got canned as well.

Also, I think it's hilarious that he sets up the seesaw with "being drunk in charge of medical diagnostics" on one side and "we had a good time at the bar" on the other.

The Maroon Hawk posted:

Reading through that Sims one reminded me of this one about a parent deleting their kids' Minecraft world in the middle of the initial COVID lockdowns (this one probably isn't technically abuse but holy gently caress will it get your blood boiling, especially if you've ever made anything cool in Minecraft yourself)

AITA for deleting my son's Minecraft world?

You know, as a parent I can have sympathy for some of the idiotic things parents do, there's no manual for this and you spend a lot of time trying not to make the same mistakes your own parents did with you. But "I will destroy something you love as a punishment" is so clearly the wrong thing to do. Why would you think this was a good idea? You're already banning him from the computer for a month.

Edit: also yeah, sometimes kids struggle with sleep just like adults, if it keeps happening take him to a doctor, get a sleep study done.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 09:29

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

Midnight Voyager posted:

Ugh, the worst part of this for me is every word they say about sleep. If he sleeps through the alarm, maybe he's fuckin tired. Maybe he needs some fuckin sleep.

He does. School starts way too early for children and teens. Their natural bodyrhythm would be a lot better suited for later mornings, but that would mean the adults can't go to work until later, so it's not an option.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 11:31

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Midnight Voyager posted:

Ugh, the worst part of this for me is every word they say about sleep. If he sleeps through the alarm, maybe he's fuckin tired. Maybe he needs some fuckin sleep.

Maybe he should've just developed the mental discipline to wake at the exact moment of his choosing like the rest of us :smug:

Shanghaied fucked around with this message at 12:02 on Apr 23, 2024

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:00

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

AITAH for sending my sister's boyfriend pictures of her literal poo poo?

quote:

I'm 17m, she's 19f.

She doesn't flush properly after using the toilet. I often go to the bathroom, open the lid, and get punched by the sight and smell of her crap. It's disgusting. It has been going on for like a year.

According to her she does flush, but the dumps just float back up and there's nothing she can do about it. I know this is bullshit, since whenever I find her deuces and call her out on it she manages to make them dissapear. If she isn't home I cover them in toilet paper, flush, and they are gone.

A couple of weeks ago I started sending her pics of her sloops when I encountered them. I thought if I was forced to see her dung then she should be too. After the second time I did it she blocked me.

This morning I went to the bathroom and found another one of her turds. Since she had blocked me, I instead sent the pic to her bf and asked him to tell her she had forgotten to flush again. I play the same online game as him and we get along well. He just replied with a "eugh".

My sister arrived home half furious half crying and shouting at me about how I ruined her relationship. Our parents told me I went too far.

I do feel bad about how upset she was, but I still think it was a fair move.

AITAH?

Edit: This actually happened a bit over a decade ago. She and I were arguing whether it was justified or not, and it seems I won yet again.

As an epilogue: I did feel awful about it and acted like an angel for the following days, until it was clear that their relationship wasn't actually ruined over this. They did break up a few months later, but for allegedly unrelated reasons. Sister never forgot to flush again. She says she still has a mini PTSD episode every time after using the toilet. She hasn't enacted payback yet.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:03

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

pooptsd

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:07

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Maybe if the OP actually produced massive adult multi-flusher turds like the rest of us he'd understand :smug:

Seriously though, it's kinda weird to send them to a third party. Like what's next, send them to her co-workers?

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:10

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

DeeplyConcerned posted:

But we need to remember here: The OP is not an alcoholic. They just have a really high alcohol tolerance. And really tend to cut loose as soon as there's not someone around directly controlling how much they drink.

Yes, but have you considered there�s no difference between the boss having �one small beer� and downing six shots? It�s basically the same thing, right?

Midnight Voyager posted:

Ugh, the worst part of this for me is every word they say about sleep. If he sleeps through the alarm, maybe he's fuckin tired. Maybe he needs some fuckin sleep.

The worst part for me is there isn�t even any mention of the game being the reason he�s sleeping in! Like, if he�s sneaking out of his bedroom at night into the computer room and playing till 3 am, maybe you could argue for a punishment (not destroying the game, but restricting computer access or something). But that�s not mentioned in the post and you know drat well up-own-rear end parent would have included a detail like that. This is just teaching a lesson by destroying something he enjoys.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:15

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

AITA for getting offended by feeling bullied by girlfriends friends.

quote:

I (25M) recently went to a wedding in another state with my GF (26F). While there I spent considerable time with my GF best friend (Eve). I've met her a couple of times and thought she was lovely, albeit sometime a bit mean/sassy about people behind their back. I was under the impression she liked me too and we were forming a friendship.

Eve also brought her partner (Adam) to the wedding, who I met for the first time. I don't want to go into details but I said something that really offended Adam at some point. I was ignorant of this and continue carrying on like we are all friends and really enjoying their company.

Turns out Adam and Eve formed a game about me and would say an expression every time I said something that they didn't like and laugh about it. After a couple of drinks one night I caught onto this and asked about the game and they described what I have above.

It took me by surprise because I thought these people actually liked me and I was enjoying my company. I got offended that they didn't confront me about the issue and instead were mocking me behind my back. It all felt very high school/bullying behaviour. When I confronted them about this game they said it was in direct retaliation for what I said that offended Adam and this justified their action. This upset me further because I felt terrible that I had offended Adam and apologised without reservation, but also was really hurt that rather than trying to address the issue they just thought of me as an rear end in a top hat beyond repent ,and just decided to make fun of me behind my back instead.

I really just want to forget about this whole experience and move past it to be honest but I can't get over how mean/bully like their behaviour was. I feel like they never gave me a chance and I'll always be a villain in their eyes. This upsets me because I love my girlfriend and Eve means so much to her. I don't know what to do and feel like trying to talk through these issues will only result in me becoming defensive and wanting an apology for their behaviour.

So AITA? Any advice/support/criticism/opinion would be much appreciated.

Of course OP is being completely silent about the offensive thing that he said.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:27

DreamingofRoses: Jun 27, 2013; Nap Ghost

Shanghaied posted:

Maybe if the OP actually produced massive adult multi-flusher turds like the rest of us he'd understand

Seriously though, it's kinda weird to send them to a third party. Like what's next, send them to her co-workers?

He was 17 at the time which makes it make complete sense.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:28

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

I [20 M] entered into a devil's threesome with my girlfriend [18 F] of over a year, royally hosed things up and I'm not sure what to do.

quote:

My girlfriend and I are extremely close, we love one another very much and have loved each other longer than we've been actually together. Sex is important to us, especially because I'm the one who took her virginity early on in the relationship, and we're always very open and talkative.

We had been talking about an open relationship, me really being the main proponent because I'm 20, stupid, and liked the idea of being able to sleep around, but one of us always had some sort of issue. Slowly I saw her start to come around to the idea, and I had a friend who had just moved into town that I knew she found really attractive. He was going to come hang out with us and play video games and drink. This is where I began to gently caress up.

I suggested to her that we try a threesome. He was down for it, she wanted it but was nervous, and I was drunk, so my sense of "the idea of you with another man makes my skin crawl" was inhibited, so at about 6 am, my friend and I started kissing her. He was very aggressive about the way he handled her, not violent, but assertive, which made it difficult for me to do anything. This was problem #1.

We were all finally naked, and I told her to start blowing him while I applied lube to myself and her, thinking I could gently caress her while she blew him. He decided instead that he was going to pull her on top of him and started loving her. I had told him that we were all going to share each other, that was established, and yet here he is essentially commandeering my girlfriend. I wanted to deck him - the alcohol was wearing off, I was upset and angry, but she looked liked she was genuinely enjoying herself........so I bit my tongue. That was my second gently caress up, not stopping it when I had the power to.

What was a supposed to be a threesome turned into 45 minutes of watching my friend plow my girlfriend while he pretty much barred me from doing anything. I got maybe 3 minutes of actual sex. My own girlfriend wasn't even attempting to include me, her attention was on him. I ordered him to leave.

She and I have had many conversations in the past 24 hours about this happening. The fact that she had sex with another man doesn't bother her, even though she has sworn this entire relationship up until this event that being with another man was out of the question for her. I no longer want an open relationship, I can't bring myself to be with another girl now, but now she actually wants an open relationship.

My anger subsided, she and I resolved to stay together because we love each other. We had sex last night and it was some of the best we ever had. She proceeded to break down crying, talking about how much she loved me and how much she cared about me and how sorry she was all of this happened.
It's my fault. It's my fault it happened. But I can't get it out of my head, the image of him loving her, the anger associated with that. I can't view us in the same light anymore, but I'm the only one bothered by it. So my choices are to get over it or leave.
What do I do? How can I get over what I've caused?

tl;dr: Had threesome with girlfriend and close friend (M) because I thought it would result in my having the freedom to sleep around, back fired, don't want an open relationship, pretty much watched my friend gently caress my girlfriend for 45 minutes, and now I can't think of our relationship without my skin crawling. Don't want to leave her, how do I get over this.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:42

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

lol invest in a cuck chair buddy

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:51

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

I think that's the kind of thing you have to lay out clear expectations and boundaries for before beginning and it sounds like they just... didn't

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:56

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

John Wick of Dogs posted:

I think that's the kind of thing you have to lay out clear expectations and boundaries for before beginning and it sounds like they just... didn't

My expectation is that I would gently caress other people. My boundary is you loving other people. What do you mean "lmao"? I think you're being close-minded, frankly.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 12:58

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

It sounds like the classic one person doesn't want to commit and keep their options open but the other does, then oops

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:00

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Calling it "the devil's threesome" is incredibly dumb, especially when the OP is the one that initiated it.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:13

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

knew someone would bitch about that

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:21

Rat Patrol: Feb 15, 2008; kill kill kill kill
kill me now

It's called a devil's threesome because there are two "horns"*

*Penises

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:34

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

ULPT request: How to get buried money out of backyard that isn't my property

quote:

So my friend told me that he buried some cash in a backyard of one of his parents old houses. It is no longer theirs, and he doesn't know the new occupants. I want to get the money (he told me I can have some if I can get it) but obviously can't go over there and start digging. I am pretty sure if I go tell the new owners about it (even very vaguely) they would just tell me no and then look for it themselves. Is there any way I could do this and avoid getting it taken by someone else? He remembers exactly where it is buried, and it is several thousand dollars. He was in jail when his parents left, which is why he couldn't get it.

This will end well.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:37

mystes: May 31, 2006

Invisible Clergy posted:

ULPT request: How to get buried money out of backyard that isn't my property

This will end well.

If it was a million dollars maybe try to buy the house or pay a lawyer to offer them $5000 to allow op to dig and say it's the remains of a pet

For "several thousand dollars" it's absolutely not worth it

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:49

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Invisible Clergy posted:

ULPT request: How to get buried money out of backyard that isn't my property

This will end well.

Pretty sure the money isn�t even legally the friend�s any more. If you�re selling the land with the house, the default is that you own *everything* on your acreage, from the Earth�s core extending all the way up.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:03

Ogma: Jun 6, 2003; Let the festivities commence!

MagusofStars posted:

Pretty sure the money isn’t even legally the friend’s any more. If you’re selling the land with the house, the default is that you own *everything* on your acreage, from the Earth’s core extending all the way up.

That actually varies by state. My house I own down to three meters below the surface, and the mineral rights are owned by the shell company built to hold the slowly collapsing network of coal mines below that.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:06

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

Who owns the rights to Curly's buried treasure though?

I hope this redditor makes an attempt to recover the funds and provides updates.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:14

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

MagusofStars posted:

Pretty sure the money isn�t even legally the friend�s any more. If you�re selling the land with the house, the default is that you own *everything* on your acreage, from the Earth�s core extending all the way up.

It depends on the state, but I got my real estate license in New York and they made it very clear that if you're growing corn and you sell your farm, you CANNOT use a helicopter to harvest that corn after the farm has been sold

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:14

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Now I want to see a helicopter corn heist.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:19

Malachite_Dragon: Mar 31, 2010; Weaving Merry Christmas magic

Shanghaied posted:

Seriously though, it's kinda weird to send them to a third party. Like what's next, send them to her co-workers?

Could have just been sheer desperation. My sister did this same exact thing for years when we were kids, and it took me bitching her out about it in front of her entire friend group and embarrassing the mmmmotherfuck out of her, but she finally started flushing her god drat bowel movements.

My niece is doing the same thing, and I swear to Satan, Iblis, and every other form of the great adversary, if I must repeat this sin to stop opening the lid to unfinished business, I will do so and I will not regret it for even a moment. Flush your godbedamned turds.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:37

Fil5000: Jun 23, 2003; HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Now I want to see a helicopter corn heist.

I would like to see it in the style of an Oceans movie. All star cast, unexpected twist and all.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:38

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

the actual legal principles underlying property rights to buried treasure are kind of interesting and complicated but the actual answer is �you go to court and you spend all the money to find out who owns the money�

# ? Apr 23, 2024 14:48

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Given it's outright said the friend is vague about it this sounds like a prank.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 15:02

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man; Doctor Rope

MagusofStars posted:

Pretty sure the money isn�t even legally the friend�s any more. If you�re selling the land with the house, the default is that you own *everything* on your acreage, from the Earth�s core extending all the way up.

There must be some give here since people don't have to go put all their stuff in storage before they agree to a sale.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 15:15

wheatpuppy: Apr 25, 2008; YOU HAVE MY POST!

AKA Pseudonym posted:

There must be some give here since people don't have to go put all their stuff in storage before they agree to a sale.

Generally what transfers is what is on/in the property on the closing date.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 15:21

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

AKA Pseudonym posted:

There must be some give here since people don't have to go put all their stuff in storage before they agree to a sale.

Legally the transfer happens at closing, after you agree to a sale there's still a lot of paperwork to be done. You have plenty of time (weeks to months typically) to remove anything you don't want to sell along with the property

# ? Apr 23, 2024 15:22

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Cythereal posted:

I [20 M] entered into a devil's threesome with my girlfriend [18 F] of over a year, royally hosed things up and I'm not sure what to do.

my sense of "the idea of you with another man makes my skin crawl" was inhibited

Wow really thought this polyamory thing through huh

# ? Apr 23, 2024 15:23

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# ? May 23, 2024 08:43

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Fil5000 posted:

I would like to see it in the style of an Oceans movie. All star cast, unexpected twist and all.

Eleven guys digging a tunnel to a corn silo in the dark, but the farmer's a war vet who peppered the area with mines

# ? Apr 23, 2024 15:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: SPRAYING A FRAGRANCE ON MY PENIS

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