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Jun 6, 2024 11:03
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- Halloween Jack
- Sep 12, 2003
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I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
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Come on, people, do your research before you travel for work!
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Apr 23, 2024 20:09
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- FMguru
- Sep 10, 2003
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peed on;
sexually
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AmITheEx strikes again.
AITAH for photoshopping my boyfriend's ex out of pictures when he was at work?
quote:My (27F) boyfriend (36M) of a year was married in his early 20s and has one two kids with this ex. He has three family pictures in his house that have her in the pictures. In one, it's her with the kids in the middle of the two of them. In another, it's him with the kids and her off to the right sort of in the background. In the third, it was him and her together and the two kids and Mickey Mouse (Disney).
She has been awful to me, and I hate seeing her face. I've asked him to take the pictures down several times, but he says they are special memories with the kids. Well, yesterday I had enough. I used a scanning app on my phone to scan the photos then paid someone on Fiverr to remove her from the photos. All three of the photos look professionally done. It's the same photos, just without her. I then went to Walmart and had them print new pictures in the same size. I put them in the frames. I put the originals in a desk drawer.
When my boyfriend came home, I asked him if he noticed anything different. He didn't, which is what I suspected. The photos look great now and still have him and his kids. I pointed at one of the pictures. He got livid telling me that I was being a "jealous Nancy." I admit that I laughed because what is a jealous Nancy? Well, the laughing really set him off. He asked for the originals back and said he was going to put them back up and gave me an ultimatum to either accept his past relationship or move on. I said, "I guess you don't want to be with a jealous Nancy," and he said no. I laughed again, and he asked me to leave. I have not heard from him since but expect him to get over it.
Really, this woman has been terrible to me. I'm not going to get started on it, but she has been cruel to me to the point of him breaking contact with her except by text to talk about the kids. I think I have every right to not want to see her face. One of the pictures is in his bedroom, even. Maybe I should just get over it. I felt like I was doing him a favor--because at least I didn't just cut her out which was my original plan.
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Apr 23, 2024 20:10
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITA for not giving my plus size friend the queen size bed in our b&b?
quote:I (30’s F) am going on vacation with 4 of my friends (30’s and 40’s Fs). We go every year, and always use a randomized selection tool to help us choose who gets which bedroom. The tool assigns the order in which we can choose. I got 3rd choice, and my plus size friend (Marie) got 5th choice.
The first 3 of us all chose the queen size beds. The other two got twin beds and had to share a room. Yeah, it sucks, but that’s why we leave it up to chance so nobody can complain.
Marie asked me privately if we could switch places so she can have the queen size bed. She is plus size, but imo not so big she can’t fit in a twin bed. I personally have lost over 100 lbs and at my largest, was bigger than Marie is now. I never once asked to switch beds when I was bigger.
I therefore said no. She started crying and told me I was being unreasonable, and that i of all people should understand. I do understand, but it’s my vacation too and I’ve worked hard to be in a body I’m comfortable in. I don’t feel like I should give up my spot to accommodate her, when she can still fit in the twin bed.
AITA?
Edit: we agreed ahead of time that the two people who got the twin beds would pay $75 less than the rest of us. It’s just way too expensive to get a place with 5 rooms and 5 queen beds.
Edit 2: she doesn’t have any mobility issues or other disabilities that I’m aware of.
Edit 3: it’s $75 off of a total of $400 for the whole trip
AITA for leaving my husband at our lake house with his family.
quote:My husband and I own a lake house that we spend most of our free time at when it's warm.
We go there over the winter to check on it and do any basic maintenance that is required. It is not set up for winter living.
We often invite friends and family over. We have almost two acres of land and there is lots of room to park an RV or set up a tent.
The house has a septic tank for the toilet. All the other water goes to a grey water tank we use for the garden and lawn. We only use biosafe products. We have a very well built and ventilated outhouse for when we have people over.
So last weekend was the one where we went out to get the house ready for the spring and summer.
We ordered the water truck to fill our tank. The propane guys to fill up that tank. We ran water through the pipes to flush them out and get them ready to use.
And his mom and dad showed up with his brother and his family. Which would be fine except it was a cold and lovely weekend. So they didn't want to set up tents and stay outside.
I asked him why they were here. He said that he told them we were going out and they sort of invited themselves out.
They didn't bring out much besides some sandwiches and a bunch of beer. They didn't understand why we didn't have any of the water toys ready. THERE WAS STILL ICE ON THE LAKE. I asked my husband to tell them that we were not ready for guests and that they needed to leave or help. He wouldn't do it.
So I left. I said I needed to run to the store. I took my car and went to the grocery store five blocks from my house. It is an asian market with great sushi.
I think my husband expected me to just be going to the gas station a mile from the lake.
I left him out there to prep the house and deal with his guests. He is upset now that I left without telling him that I wasn't coming back. That he had to do all the work by himself. That he had to clean the house by himself. He said his family thought I was rude not to stick around and host.
I did not invite them. I told him that the house was not ready for guests. I told him that we did not have enough toilet paper for eight people. He knew that we only had food for the two of us for the weekend. I think it's his fault and his problem.
Should I have sucked it up and taken one for the team or am I the rear end in a top hat?
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Apr 23, 2024 20:10
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- FMguru
- Sep 10, 2003
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peed on;
sexually
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AITA for leaving my husband at our lake house with his family.
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Apr 23, 2024 20:15
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- Kurieg
- Jul 19, 2012
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RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20
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Here, have a good step mother and a terrible father.
AITA for "abandoning" my step daughter?
quote:
Hello all. I (43 F) have been married to my husband, George, (45M) for about a year now, and it's been wonderful! Except for one thing. His daughter, Rachel, (15F) can't stand me.
Ever since we got married, George has been pushing "family trips" and "quality time" between me and Rachel. I have no problem with it on paper, but Rachel does. George and Rachel have gotten into many an argument over the fact that Rachel doesn't like me or want a relationship with me. Rachel says I'm not her mom, will never be, and that she won't pretend I am.
I've been conflicted on what to do. On one hand, George is Rachel's parent, not me, so I don't really get a say in what rules he puts on her. On the other hand, I hate seeing Rachel so miserable every time we go out on a girls trip or are sent for bonding time by George.
So I made a decision. I sat George down and explained I wasn't comfortable with these family trips anymore. I explained that Rachel would always have a place in our home (this is where her dad lives, after all, she belongs here as much as i do), and that of course I'd be there if she asked to spend time together, needed something, or if there was an emergency and I had to take care of her. But I wouldn't be going on these outings anymore because I was uncomfortable with how upset they were making Rachel.
George was pissed. He accused me of undermining his parenting decisions and abandoning Rachel by refusing to fight for our family. I replied that I wasn't part of Rachel's family! She doesn't like me! She's made it clear I'll never be her mother! So I didn't see the point in forcing her to have "mommy-daughter spa days" and whatever else with me against her will!
George told me I needed to reevaluate my priorities if I wanted to stay together and accused me of wanting to cut his daughter out of our family before storming out. I'm gutted. Of course I don't want to cut Rachel out of our lives or family! She's George's daughter, I know she'll always come first to him, and I'd never want to sabotage their relationship or hurt her! But that's why I don't want to keep forcing a bond between us! Because that's hurting her and putting a wedge between them!
I don't know. Did I overstep? Am I really hurting Rachel or our family by putting my foot down here? I love George, and I care about Rachel, so whatever the judgment is, I'll accept it. I just want to do what's best for everyone!
EDIT: Briefly editing to ask people to please please not be rude to Rachel. Most people here have been supportive of both her and me, which I appreciate, but a few people have called her a brat and similar such things. Rachel is generally well behaved and hasn't done anything drastic or overly disruptive, she's just a kid who's a bit standoffish and sarcastic sometimes because she's hurting over her parents divorce and not seeing George enough.
EDIT/UPDATE:
Okay. A lot of you gave the advice that I should talk to Rachel so we can present a united front to George and show that neither of us wanted this. I sat Rachel down this morning and gently broached the subject with her.
I explained that I knew she wasn't looking for a mom, that she already had one, and that was okay. I told her that I didn't need her to see me as a mother, or even like me. She was a smart and well behaved kid and she deserved to have a say in who she wants a relationship with. I told her that I was with her 100% in what she wanted, and that we could talk to George together, because I was going to follow her lead no matter what.
Rachel got kinda quiet for a minute and then her face just...crumbled. She told me she didn't hate me at all, that I was nice to her and seemed interested in her life. The real problem was, in her words, that she wished her parents were too.
I'll be honest, that broke my heart. I had to try very hard not to tear up in front of her, because this was the first time she'd opened up to me or given any indication she even liked me at all, and I didn't want to ruin that by putting my emotions first. I did my best to comfort her, and promised Rachel that I was here for her in any way she needed.
I'm going to have a talk with George. First by myself (rachel is scared to talk to him), and then potentially with Rachel so she can speak for herself, if George is receptive. I'm also going to push George to get therapy (individual and also couples, potentially with rachel too if she wants to). More than anything, I'll keep trying to be there for Rachel. I know I'm not her mom, and I'm not expecting her to suddenly start acting like we're best friends. But I know now that my efforts are appreciated by her, and that only makes me more determined to advocate for and support her however she's comfortable with.
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Apr 23, 2024 20:18
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
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If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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AITAH for telling my daughter I used to have a boyfriend
quote:So my daughter (F8) asked my wife (F34) and I (M34) if we’d ever dated anyone else besides each other. My wife says she dated two guys before me, they briefly talk about them, then she moves on to hear my answer. The only other person I’ve dated was man, so I say that. My wife gives me a really weird look. My daughter didn’t bat an eye at all, she just asked if I thought he was cute lmfao.
After she leaves my wife is all like “why did you tell her that? You shouldn’t have said that. Etc.” and was acting super weird about the whole situation
I’m really loving confused. My wife already knows I had a BF. Our daughter already knows what being gay is (although she didn’t know I was bi). So it’s not like this was her first time ever hearing about it. So I truly cannot figure out what the issue could be.
I know it can be a touchy subject with kids learning about the LGBT. But personally, I feel like simply knowing something exists isn’t harmful at all. She knows age-appropriate things about relationships (regardless if it’s gay or straight).
She went upstairs and started playing on her cat piano, I think it’s safe to assume she’s not haunted by the fact that her dad used to date a boy
Maybe he needs to talk to his wife about what she really things on this subject.
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Apr 23, 2024 20:34
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- DoubleNegative
- Jan 27, 2010
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The most virtuous child in the entire world.
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AITAH For telling my husband that his affair child is not welcome in our home and if he wants custody he will have to move out?
quote:My husband and I have been married for 9 years. In 2021, we found out my husband was being sued for child support.
Turns out my husband had an affair shortly after we were married. It nearly ended our marriage, but we went to counseling together and I agreed to stay in the marriage with the following provisions:
My husband was to get a second job so that his child support payments did not affect our household budget and that at no point in time would I ever consider having a relationship with this child. If he wanted to pursue one with them, fine. But I have absolutely zero interest in this kid.
So my husband has been getting to know his kid over the past couple years and recently my husband came to me and informed me that there was some sort of baby mamma drama. Apparently, she has to self-surrender in May and is going to be incarcerated for 8 months.
My husband told me that he needed to take custody while his affair partner is locked up, otherwise the kid would have to go to their grandparents who basically live on the opposite coast from us. Their kid doesn't want to have to change schools or be so far away from their friends, dad and mom (she will be doing her time fairly local to us).
So, after my husband told me that, I got up and left the house. I went to the grocery store on the corner and grabbed a copy of our area's apartment guide went back home and handed it to him.
He asked if I were serious. I told him I still felt the same way as I did 3 years ago. He said he didn't think that was fair considering the extenuating circumstances.
I told him I don't care about the circumstances. His kid is not welcome in my home, if he wanted to take custody I will grant him an amicable divorce, but I am not changing my mind. I am not taking care of some other chick's kid.'
EDIT - For all the people concerned about what a whip cracker I am in making my poor husband work 2 jobs... He has never had a fulltime job since we have been together. He works 2 part time retail jobs now that add up to 40-50 hours a week.
He currently only has supervised visitation with his kid. The see each other once or twice a month for a couple hours with a social worker present.
And for those who seem to think that I need to be the one to file for divorce. No. I will not. I am not the one who created this situation. If my husband wants to pursue custody, I have told him I will not fight it. I will grant him an amicable divorce and let him be on his way.
However, I am not going to waste my own time, energy, and money to do so! He is responsible for getting his own ducks in a row for the situation he created. That includes being the one to go through the headache of filing.
"Wait but you're a woman, you're supposed to instantly pack bond with any child. Why aren't you clamoring to become this kid's mommy?" Although this "I won't divorce HIM, he will have to divorce ME" stuff is loving childish.
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Apr 23, 2024 21:10
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- hawowanlawow
- Jul 27, 2009
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AITAH For telling my husband that his affair child is not welcome in our home and if he wants custody he will have to move out?
"Wait but you're a woman, you're supposed to instantly pack bond with any child. Why aren't you clamoring to become this kid's mommy?" Although this "I won't divorce HIM, he will have to divorce ME" stuff is loving childish.
not really seeing what OP is getting out of this whole situation
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Apr 23, 2024 21:13
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- Halloween Jack
- Sep 12, 2003
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I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!
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Here, have a good step mother and a terrible father.
AITA for "abandoning" my step daughter?
Dude, she's not "undermining" your parenting decisions, she's confronting you about your parenting decisions, because your decisions are loving stupid.
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Apr 23, 2024 21:21
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Well of course it’s her fault that the daughter, who admits to being afraid of her father, doesn’t want a new mother.
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Apr 23, 2024 21:23
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- Danger
- Jan 4, 2004
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all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'
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Another all timer I was reminded of from the Don Draper and 5 Tequila shot one is the "unmanagement" one with the dude who turned his department into a social club and he got a new employee who was actually competent and just wanted to do good work. Anyone know what I'm talking about?
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Apr 23, 2024 21:33
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- wizardofloneliness
- Dec 30, 2008
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Another all timer I was reminded of from the Don Draper and 5 Tequila shot one is the "unmanagement" one with the dude who turned his department into a social club and he got a new employee who was actually competent and just wanted to do good work. Anyone know what I'm talking about?
That sounds familiar, maybe from AAM. I think the one I’m thinking of involved a team of mostly young guys and a slightly older woman and the boss was basically asking for confirmation that it’s totally fine for him to fire her for not “fitting in” with the rest of the team.
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Apr 23, 2024 21:40
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- the holy poopacy
- May 16, 2009
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hey! check this out
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Fun Shoe
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5 shots of tequila in an hour and a half at lunch before going back to DIAGNOSTIC LAB WORK, nbd
Man, I don't think I'd even have a single beer with my boss, Friday lunch sports bar time is a kinda bad idea by the boss (unless by sports bar he means like a Chili's where just having iced tea is fine)
Probably something in-between, and definitely still a bad idea. I'm guessing the boss got chewed out some for the whole scheme. Having the occasional beer in the middle of the workday is a great idea for team-building right up until it very much isn't.
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Apr 23, 2024 21:44
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- FMguru
- Sep 10, 2003
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peed on;
sexually
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Yeah, that's an AAM classic, especially with the updates. The way the letter writer finds a newer, larger rake to step on with every sentence is just incredible.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:02
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Hey, let’s transcribe the stories in here instead of just a link.
And reminder to transcribe or at least screenshot anything from Twitter/X. I don’t want this thread giving clicks to that melting white supremacist.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:05
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- CoffeeBoofer
- Dec 10, 2023
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by Pragmatica
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Engineer posted:
AITA for "mansplaining" to my sister about a movie?
This just happened so im kind of reeling and still upset about it
So for context whenever I call my family, I literally say "I have a rant for you" or whatever along those lines to the point where my family goes " what you got for me this time"
So i called my sister today to say "so I was watching a movie trailer by m Night Shyamalan called trap and it explained the entire plot of the movie and i think its bad-"
" hey you are the engineering, IT, whatever your major is Im not gonna sit hear and let you mansplain about movies to me when I took classes on it since movies need to explain 70% of the movie before people even consider watching it"
Context my sister was/ is a journalist major I didn't know journalist took classes on movies maybe I should have known but I genuinely on god didn't
So I said "that's not mansplaining when I literally had this exact conversation with my dad , with my brother, with my male friends point for point bar for bar" I've had this conversation with multiple men and have had this rant with multiple women already. (my friends know me as a ranter)
"it mansplaining because you assume you know more than me and I took classes on this" she says
And I say " wait Imma mansplain mansplaining (as a joke) I didn't think I know more than you? and would have had this exact conversation if you were a man in journalism since I didn't know journalist specifically took classes on movies" (I will say I didn't exactly say this I will admit it was a decent bit ruder)
At worst it makes me a know it all which ....i may be but I don't think im mansplaining.
Commenter posted:
Idk if you were mansplaining or not but you definitely are an AH. People humor you. Do you understand that? Nobody cares about your ramblings.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:11
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- hawowanlawow
- Jul 27, 2009
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if you're gonna rant about stuff you need to be funny, like me
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Apr 23, 2024 22:14
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- Invisible Clergy
- Sep 25, 2015
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"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"
Malachi 2:3
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Another all timer I was reminded of from the Don Draper and 5 Tequila shot one is the "unmanagement" one with the dude who turned his department into a social club and he got a new employee who was actually competent and just wanted to do good work. Anyone know what I'm talking about?
Unmanagement LW
part 1
quote:I’m writing this question based on feedback received from an exit interview.
A woman in her mid-30’s left my department after a little over a year. When giving her notice, she commented that she was taking a job closer to home (she had an hour commute each way some days) and had wanted to go back to a position closer to her original line of work. Her senior team members and I were sad to see her go.
HR sent me the results of her exit interview and wanted to discuss “the cultural problems in my department.” On the exit interview, the former employee mentioned that my staff leaves at lunch one day per week to go to a brewery for a beer run (which is true, I allow this) and she was often the only team member in the office; her fellow associates were unwilling to assist her and spent time on social media such as Snapchat, creating an exclusive environment (she was more quiet, older than the 20somethings in the position, and not as much into social media); and that interdepartmental relationships created power dynamics that ruined morale (one of my newly promoted seniors was sleeping with an associate and it wasn’t noticed by me or any other executives).
I don’t feel like this is a cultural issue; I think this was her not being a good fit for our team. I do allow my staff to go to breweries as long as they have coverage. I encourage my staff to be friends in and outside of work and I cannot monitor relationships. At no point did the employee bring this to my attention during our informal one-on-ones. She was extremely quiet and kept to herself, and she didn’t mingle with the team because of her commute and commitments she had (she’s married with a kid and had recently bought a house).
Am I in the wrong or is the former employee just out of touch with how a team of professional millenials works?
part 2
quote:I was fired today without severance. When my letter was published, I was already on suspension based on the exit interview investigation, poor management practices and complaints from other areas, none of which I believe are accurate. HR and the management team stated I had mismanaged my team and the ex-employee. I had given assignments meant for her and assigned to her by my director to other members on the team because I wanted to develop them, including my newly promoted senior. As a manager, I knew my team better. Giving special assignments to her, even though it was her role, screwed over my long term team members who would complain to me. I had also downgraded her end-of-year evaluation. I don’t think she deserved the praise she received from the sales staff, my directorand client executives. Her work just wasn’t that good to me. I thought if my team and I froze her out, she would leave. I called it un-managing.
My team found her quietness and her ability to develop sales presentations and connect with each client was very show-off-like. When she asked for help, we didn’t take it seriously because we thought she acted like she knew everything and she was making us look bad by always going above and beyond for no reason. My team and I had worked together for 5-6 years so I knew them, their work and their personalities better than anyone else so I took what they said with more seriousness. I also thought that her years of experience were irrelevant; she didn’t have anything beyond a bachelor’s degree (most of us were smart and dedicated enough to get a masters) and her experience was in a different subset of insurance.
HR and my regional vice president stated she had been hired to fill a role for a growing segment of our business and should have functioned as a team consultant. I used her as an associate so it didn’t make waves with the rest of the team. By losing her, we lost clients and leverage in the marketplace. Our sales territory couldn’t afford to lose any more business under my “mismanagement” and the HR was worried about damage to the brand name. During her employment, my director and I had several meetings on her role as she also dotted line reported to him. I had continued to be insubordinate because ex-employee, in my opinion, didn’t fit in and needed to earn her way to what my director had envisioned for her. If her role had panned out, she would have been higher up than me after two years when I had been there for five.
HR told me the brewery beer runs were against company policy and I should have stopped the SnapChats, especially those who had it on their company phones. I disagree that it was bullying because she wasn’t on Snap so if she didn’t see it, how is this bullying? I also don’t know how/if I should have monitored this with my team. My entire team was fired. The reasons for the firings included alcohol at work, even though we were physically at the brewery, inappropriate social media behavior, and not meeting the code of conduct.
I’m not sure the lesson(s) I’m supposed to learn; I feel like I was the scapegoat for a favored employee’s reason to leave. Being dedicated to your work doesn’t mean you can’t have fun at the same time. My former team and I are wondering if we can take action against ex-employee — her exit interview damaged our reputation, our team, and our careers.
part 3
quote:I wanted to provide an update. I spent August and the first half of September attending some pretty intensive therapy which was beneficial. In therapy, I learned how to deal with people who challenged me past my comfort zone. It also made me step back and realize that I don’t ever want to manage again and that my personality is not one suited for management. I also had the ability to step back and review my behavior: I was self destructive in the work place and those behaviors rubbed off on my team as my team members were younger and more impressionable. I plan to continue individual therapy.
I did get a new job. I started a new position in marketing (which is what my degreee is in). It’s a few steps above entry level in a small firm where I’ll be under more supervision. I’m excited to move on from my mistakes.
Thank you to you and your readers for your advice. While the comments were harsh, I took the time to read them a few times over throughout the course of therapy. It’s tough to hear how much people think you suck but it helped me get back on track.
I wish you and your readers the best for the remainder of 2017 and beyond. Invisible Clergy fucked around with this message at 22:30 on Apr 23, 2024
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Apr 23, 2024 22:15
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- Danger
- Jan 4, 2004
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all desire - the thirst for oil, war, religious salvation - needs to be understood according to what he calls 'the demonogrammatical decoding of the Earth's body'
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After rereading the email correspondence it appears like this was actually a lady? I had always pictured a guy too.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:17
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- hawowanlawow
- Jul 27, 2009
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After rereading the email correspondence it appears like this was actually a lady? I had always pictured a guy too.
interesting, I figured it was a woman by the way they write
They basically admitted they were a bad manager but it seems like they didn't admit that they wronged the employee? I would have more respect for them if they admitted that.
still views it like they were in competition and op just lost
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Apr 23, 2024 22:20
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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If she'd just said shut the gently caress up that would have been way smarter
She just made him rant more by being vague/imprecise
Are you mansplaining how she should have handled the situation?
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Apr 23, 2024 22:31
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- DeeplyConcerned
- Apr 29, 2008
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I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!
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I'm a little confused about what this dude gets out of having the same conversation which is basically him just bitching with several different people in a row.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:31
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- Invisible Clergy
- Sep 25, 2015
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"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"
Malachi 2:3
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After rereading the email correspondence it appears like this was actually a lady? I had always pictured a guy too.
Updated post accordingly. I had assumed the same. Aside from it not being mentioned in the letter, just the metatext/response from AAM, the LW's description adheres to so many of the beats of a typical horror story about techbros/lawyers/doctors/bankers/video game designers/etc boxing out a more competent woman in their office and then citing "cultural differences" when their sabotages of her career trajectory are brought to light.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:34
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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The ultimate crime.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:36
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- Invisible Clergy
- Sep 25, 2015
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"Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"
Malachi 2:3
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I'm a little confused about what this dude gets out of having the same conversation which is basically him just bitching with several different people in a row.
He likes to hear himself whine about mass media, has a cadre of doormats/people who will set their phone down while folding laundry and allow this to happen, and no friends or outlets to inflict his screeds on. From the description, I doubt the other members of his family do much talking during these calls.
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Apr 23, 2024 22:37
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- FMguru
- Sep 10, 2003
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peed on;
sexually
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Allison had an email exchange with the unmanager person after she was fired, which had more details.
quote:Me: I’m sorry to ask this, but I’m trying to figure out if this is real or not. There’s a lot in here that’s making me question it. You haven’t responded to any of the points brought up in my original answer or in the comments. Why?
Letter-writer (LW): Because I disagree with your points and I don’t want to constantly defend myself. My ex employee made me look bad and I thought that as Ask a Manager you would side with a manager.
… I still think my entire situation is messed up that my team got tanked because of someone who couldn’t handle the office and who didn’t need to be there anyway.
I get that I am a lovely manager unless you actually worked with me but I worked with friends for 5 years. I didn’t want the ex employee to begin with. So I wanted to make it uncomfortable for her to leave and didn’t think I’d lose my job in the process.
Me: Do you not understand that what you did was illegal? (Note: When I wrote this, I was thinking the employee was in her 40s, which would mean age discrimination laws were in play. Upon re-reading the letter, she’s actually in her 30s so my point here was poorly formed.)
LW: Is it illegal to not like someone? No one got hurt except for someone’s feelings and she left the company. I don’t understand what or how I did was illegal. I’m not getting the lesson that I should have learned. I should not have been fired because someone didn’t like how she was being managed. She left on her own terms. It’s not like I fired her and if I did, I work in an at will state so I could have gotten rid of her at any time. But I’m not that mean.
Me: It’s illegal to retaliate against someone (like moving them to another department or taking them off assignments, etc.) for reporting harassment. You opened your company up to legal jeopardy. At-will employment has exceptions to it, including retaliation after someone reports harassment.
Beyond that, you’ve been managing your team in really horrible, ineffective ways, and it sounds like you’re not willing to do serious reflection on that. You’re digging in your heels and insisting that what you did wasn’t a big deal, but any decent company will think it’s a very big deal — so you’re really hurting yourself professionally by refusing to change your thinking.
LW: I didn’t retaliate. I wanted to remove the SnapChat person but I didn’t. I’m still upset that happened. I still don’t understand why getting angry over someone not coming to me first but going to HR is that big of a deal.
Me: There are a lot of really good, detailed explanations in the comment section on the post. I recommend reading them with an open mind, because they will definitely explain where you went wrong. I hope you’re open to changing your thinking, so that you’re able to move forward in your career without being hindered by this. Otherwise it’s going to continue to harm you over and over.
LW: Ok but can I still get some credit for NOT doing it though? Or not firing ex employee? Or for looking out for my team and giving them opportunities? Isn’t that what managers do?
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Apr 23, 2024 22:37
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