r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

Crocobile: Dec 2, 2006

DeeplyConcerned posted:

I'm a little confused about what this dude gets out of having the same conversation which is basically him just bitching with several different people in a row.

A captive audience.

Oh god a terrible snipe!

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Crocobile fucked around with this message at 22:47 on Apr 23, 2024

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:43

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 23:57

mutantIke: Oct 24, 2022; Born in '04
Certified Zoomer

CoffeeBoofer posted:

AITA for "mansplaining" to my sister about a movie?

Not only is OP the rear end in a top hat, OP is something far worse: wrong about M. Night Shyamalan, one of the greatest genre directors to come out of the past 30 years

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:43

Pantaloon Pontiff: Jun 25, 2023

quote:

My team found her quietness and her ability to develop sales presentations and connect with each client was very show-off-like. When she asked for help, we didn�t take it seriously because we thought she acted like she knew everything and she was making us look bad by always going above and beyond for no reason. My team and I had worked together for 5-6 years so I knew them, their work and their personalities better than anyone else so I took what they said with more seriousness. I also thought that her years of experience were irrelevant; she didn�t have anything beyond a bachelor�s degree (most of us were smart and dedicated enough to get a masters) and her experience was in a different subset of insurance.

I like that she both knows how to do the job well enough that just casually working she's "show-off-like" but that her years of experience were irrelevant even though her experience is obviously what let her be show-off-like. And isn't developing sales presentations to connect with each client the whole basis for that kind of job? Like "she does the thing we hired her to do pretty well, what a show-off" is just a weird thing to say.

Invisible Clergy posted:

He likes to hear himself whine about mass media, has a cadre of doormats/people who will set their phone down while folding laundry and allow this to happen, and no friends or outlets to inflict his screeds on. From the description, I doubt the other members of his family do much talking during these calls.

I wouldn't be surprised if they take the call, let him start, then set the phone to the side where they can't hear it and throw in a 'hmm' or 'OK' so he thinks they're listening.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:44

oh jay: Oct 15, 2012

Okay, I'll play your bad manager game. It's a long one. The link has occasional formatting and such that I can't be assed to replicate here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vwexvs/the_saga_of_the_niceguy_boss_who_thought_his/

Original: Me [32M] with my coworker/friend [24/F] of one year, how do I let her know she is in an abusive relationship with her bf[24m] - 12 July 2017

quote:

So a little background to start off with:

I work for a nonprofit where I'm the supervisor of 10 people that work under me. Last fall a young woman, lets call her Jennifer started to work with us through an outside fellowship. Now she's the kind of person that just commands attention as soon as she walks into the room. She is very pretty but just has one of those personalities that everyone likes you know? I had to train her when she first started but was very surprised by how quickly she picked everything up. We do a lot of legal work and it's not easy for people without previous experience to learn so quickly. So this should give you a good idea of the kind of person she is.

I immediately took a liking to her because of her work but also how easy she was to talk to. During our training, I would say we became pretty close. So much so that I would text her outside of work about non work related stuff. Also she sends me snapchats a lot, random stuff like shows shes watch like friends do. We even go to happy hour alone sometimes and I think I am the closest to her at work. One time she even had lunch with my mom and I when my mom was visiting town.

So she is someone I consider a very good friend and want the best for her.

Now here's the problem. About two months into her working with us, I found out she has a boyfriend. TO CLARIFY I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS AND DO NOT CARE THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. I really don't care that she has a boyfriend but felt a little manipulated that she never mentioned him before. I am supervisor, been training her for a few months, we have been talking about a lot of stuff so it just comes off as hiding something. People who work in small offices will know what I'm talking about.

It was a little hard for me to trust her after that but I kept it to myself. She was still a great employee and her having a boyfriend did not change anything because apparently she has been with this guy for 5 years now. He doesn't live in the same city and they barely see each other from what I understand.

So months go by and everything is going really well. So much so that I was even thinking about recommending her for a promotion. We became even closer during this time. About two weeks ago our parent group is hosted a fundraising gala. I asked Jennifer if she wold like to go with me and she said yes. I always have a great time with her so I was really looking forward to it. The night of the gala I called to see when I should pick her up and she said her boyfriend was in town and he would drop her off so she will just meet me there.

This is the first red flag I noticed. Is this guy really that insecure that he can't even let her date take her to this gala? Five years and this insecure? That's a problem. But I just agree and say okay I will meet her there. I get to the gala and start to mingle. She eventually gets there but I don't approach her. Honestly, still pretty bothered by what happened earlier so I wanted her to come to me and apologize. She came up to me and we talked but she never apologized for what she did but I ignored it. Soon we were talking just like before and honestly really enjoying each other's company.

Here's when I noticed the second red flag. Jennifer and I were talking to another couple when she excused herself because she had to take a call from her boyfriend. I thought it was pretty rude and she has never done something like this before. A little later she comes back and says that her boyfriend is picking her up and she will leave early.

THIRD RED FLAG. She was very much looking forward to this night and suddenly she wants to leave early? You know when you can just tell someone isn't happy in their situation? Yeah I definitely felt it right away.

A little while later he gets there and I poo poo you not, this idiot walked into the gala wearing shorts and a t shirt. I almost wanted to laugh but I didn't want to embarrass him. Jennifer introduces me to him and I make pleasantries but I do make a joke about how must feel a little out of place. He says something like "nah, not really sticking around so not a big deal." Okay? I don't really get what that has to do with anything. My point was that he was at a black tie event dressed like he is going to the gym, I don't care if you're for five minutes or five hours, that's weird. So you can already see he is getting an attitude with me for no reason. I follow up with, "well there are some really important people here" and his response was something like, "I've met senators wearing flip flops, I think I'll be okay."

Holy poo poo, I'm getting angry writing this. But you see what I'm talking about right? He completely rubbed me the wrong way. So anyways, as she is leaving, I tell her to let me know if she gets home okay.

It gets around midnight and she hasn't sent me a single message. So I sent her a text and no reply. I sent her another around 1am saying I am worried and just to let me know if she is okay. No reply. I have a hard time sleeping that night because I am genuinely concerned. It's just the kind of person I am. I need to know my friends are okay or it bothers me.

I wake up the next morning after getting really bad sleep and she still hasn't responded. This makes me upset because I can see she has uploaded pictures on facebook but yet won't respond to my text. The only explanation is that her boyfriend is the reason. She always responds to me and at most a few hours later. So Sunday night I finally send another message really detailing how upset I was with how she was treating me. Also how I think how much control I feel her boyfriend was exerting over her was really making me lose respect for her. I always thought she is this strong independent woman and suddenly this guy is controlling who she can or can't talk to. Of course I get no reply.

Monday, inevitably we see each other at work and she confronts me the first thing in the morning. Before I even get a chance to speak, she says I made her uncomfortable and she wants to just finish her last two months of fellowship without any contact that is not necessary for work.

This was about two weeks ago. I was really upset at first but honestly I've done a lot of reading. When you are in an abusive relationship, you stop seeing the world the way it is and only the way the abuser wants you to see. It makes me really sad that I am losing a good friend because her boyfriend has insecurity issues.

So a few concerns here. She started dating him 5 years ago meaning she was only 19 and therefore this is pretty much the only adult "relationship" she knows. Also the guy is a lobbyist! She wants to work in public service, help immigrants and refugees but yet dates a lobbyist? Does she really not see the contradiction here?

I think over the past five years he has done a good job gaslighting her and it's to the point where it's affecting her relationship with other people and it breaks my heart to see this happen to a good friend.

My question is this: what is the best approach to let her know of these concerns I have? How can you make someone who refuses to see reality to actually see what is happening? I have spoken to my mother and we both agree it would be best that she is also there when I approach Jennifer. However, do you think it should just be me alone or it would be better having a motherly figure also there to talk about something this serious? And if we have this conversation and she still refuses to break up with her abusive boyfriend, what are the final steps that I should take? To be frank, I'm not sure I can remain friends with her if she continues to date him. I'm simply not the kind of person who will stick by someone who is willingly ruining their own life.

I can't stop thinking about this and haven't gotten any work done today. I really look forward to your suggestions and thank you for all your help. For any of you that are currently in an abusive relationship, get out before it's too late.

tl;dr: My pretty good friend is in an abusive relationship but won't notice it. How do I get her to notice for her own good but also the future of our friendship?

----------------

UPDATE 1 (July 12, 2017): OP posts a modified version of the story to a new sub, r/relationships on the same day. This post was deleted and I cannot find an archive copy, but since this post went live a helpful redditor (who asked not be cited as a source) has contacted me with a transcription of the post

Me [32M] with my good friend [24F] duration, want to help her get out of abusive relationship

quote:

Edit: The other post had a lot of irrelevant information that caused people to troll and locked. I am seriously looking for advice to help a friend. Please only give advice based on information on this post. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY ADVICE REGARDING THIS POST AND THIS POST ONLY PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT.

I�ll keep this short. Basically I work with a girl who is very self confident, independent, and all around a good person. A few weeks ago I met her boyfriend of 5 years and noticed a lot of changes after he met me.

She was not allowed to text friends back, she had to cancel some plans with me, and he even forced her to say she couldn�t speak to me for the rest of her fellowship. She is someone I consider a really good friend and it breaks my heart to see someone as strong as her losing all her friends because her boyfriend is now controlling who she can speak to.

What is the best approach I can take without making this worse for her?

tl;dr: Really close friend is in an abusive relationship and she does not know how to get out. How can I help?

Here are some top comments and OP's responses.

quote:

(top comment) Funny, the last time you posted this, you had a lot more details which made you look like a creepy, controlling "nice guy" who is massively overstepping his professional relationship with a coworker by trying to save her from an imaginary abusive relationship based on your own twisted conclusions. Luckily, it's still in your post history so everyone should take a look. She told you to leave her alone. Do that.

quote:

(another comment) Her wanting to spend the little time she has with her boyfriend, with her boyfriend, does not mean she is an abusive relationship. It means she is in a normal relationship. To be completely honest, you seem like an entitled narcissist. You can't imagine that a coworker would rather spend time with her boyfriend than you, so you create a fantasy where she is a damsel in distress and you are the hero. The only abusive relationship she is in, is with you.

quote:

(OP's reply to above, via profile) Nope again twisting my words. You are saying I am upset that she wants to spend time with her boyfriend and that is not the case. I am upset because a good friend is being abused by her boyfriend.

I wasn't upset he drove her to the party, I was upset that he was so insecure he wouldn't let her go to a gala with her friend already had plans with.

I wasn't upset he picked her up, I was upset he made her leave from an event that she was really looking forward to, got all dressed up for, and would meet really important people that will help propel her career.

I wasn't upset she was bus with her boyfriend instead of messaging me. I was upset that he is deciding who she can and can't text after meeting someone for a few loving minutes.

You're twisting my words and pretty badly I might add. Don't quit your day job.

----------------

On the same day OP also posts the following on r/legaladvice

UPDATE 2 (July 12, 2017): NEW YORK, NEW YORK: Is it possible for an employer to get a restraining order for a friend on her behalf?

quote:

Let's say I have friend who is currently in an extremely abusive relationship to the point where it is affecting her work. I am also her supervisor. Would it be possible for me to ask for a restraining order from her boyfriend? Let's say she is in such a bad state the she cannot ask herself, is being forced not to. But me, along with a few other people see how bad it is and want to get her out. Therefore if we have several people that can attest to this, could this make a difference? Like can we make an argument that she has been abused so badly she cannot make this decision for herself? If this is not technically possible, what is my next best course of action?

Thank you for your help.

----------------

It appears OP is feeling a lot of anger towards his coworker, posting the following updates in r/offmychest

UPDATE 3 (July 12, 2017): And you think you're better off now? laughable

quote:

I tried to help you and you gave me a giant middle finger. Hope you enjoy the hell you got waiting for you in the future. But you probably think you're better off. This cracks me up. Just wait when you come running back and asking for forgiveness and I will just laugh at you as I am doing now.

Good luck you terrible excuse for a human being! oh and gently caress YOU.

----------------

UPDATE 4 (July 13, 2017): She is a walking contradiction and I'm the only one that sees it

quote:

You care about refugees soooo much right? You want to help immigrants? You like social justice and want to keep working at non profits? Yeah looks great in a loving resume doesn't it?

How about you tell everyone that you're also loving a lobbyist who raises money for the very people creating those problems to begin with?

You're a loving liar and you may have tricked a lot of other people but I see right through you. Karma is going to hit you like a bitch and don't come running back then.

I'm only going to leave this door open for a little while longer. I hope you see the light soon because you are only loving up your own future.

----------------

UPDATE 5 (July 13, 2017): Comment on r/askreddit on 'What gets you hopping mad?'

quote:

When people ignore all the warning signs and then complain when things end up bad. Like hey, everyone warned you but nooo you don't want to listen.

----------------

UPDATE 6 (July 20, 2017): Comment on r/askreddit on 'Who is the most delusional person you've known?'

quote:

A friend whose delusion is slowly ruining her life. But at a certain point, there's only so much you can do.

----------------

Things turn ugly, fast, on r/offmychest

Update 7 (August 3, 2017): Why did I even try?

quote:

loving bitch. I've been in this profession a decade longer than you. I COULD HAVE HELPED YOU MOVE FORWARD IN YOUR CAREER.

Now you're talking poo poo? You're really going to try to ruin my reputation when all I did was try to help?

Do you know the connections I have? You think when you leave in a month you'll just slide in easily in some new job? I will loving ruin you and make sure everyone knows how terrible of a employee you were.

Let the games begin you dumb bitch. Try to keep your loving legs closed for a few minutes while I fix the damage you caused. You really have no idea how nonprofits work do you? This is such a small world and you attack the one person who has helped you from the beginning. Oh and thanks for NOT showing up at my boxing match. Even though we talked about it months ago and you said you would come. This just confirms that you were never a friend and just using me. We don't need users like you in the business. I have helped 100s of people and will have 100s more. Can't wait for you to go back into your cushy life where you don't what real pain is. Leave the real work to people like me who genuinely care about helping.

----------------

OP gets reflective on r/offmychest and r/UnsentLetters

Update 8 (September 26, 2017):When you finally see the light, I won't be at the end of the tunnel anymore.

quote:

Dear friend,

Where do I even start. This Friday will be mark a month since you left. Three weeks ago marks a year since we met. I wonder if you even think about any of that, lol. Honestly, you probably do but I know he wouldn't ever let you show it.

Do you know that I haven't even had the strength to go on social media or reddit for awhile now? It reminds me too much of the memes we shared on snapchat. But I'm tired of holding back my happiness because you choose to be dense.

I remember like yesterday when you first walked in, nervous, unsure, but beautiful nonetheless. I immediately introduced myself (this is something I never do as I have to maintain a role of authority but something about you was different, well I thought so anyways). I could see that just speaking to me changed your demeanor. I had an effect on you. You never really worked in an office before and didn't realize how cold it would be. I offered you my blazer and you were so thankful. It put a smile on face but it was also when I first noticed that we would become good friends. Man, how things changed, huh?

To be honest, I probably never should have become such a good friend to you. There lies my biggest mistake. People always tell me I'm too trusting and friendly and until now, I really didn't want to believe it lol. But I took you under my wing. With my help you picked things up so quickly, faster than anyone I saw in a decade of this business. You had a future in this, you were promising. See how I said had? lol

I still get a smile when I think about that meeting we had to present to Roger. You were so nervous, visibly shaking. Do you remember who gave you the encouraging words so you could go out there? Do you remember how delighted he was and all the compliments he gave you? You were ecstatic. You were made for this and I was the one to show you that you could do it. On our way back from the presentation I took you the Halal food truck. I still can't believe you never tried it! Haha, but you loved it. You would snapchat me every time you went.

But you threw it all away because you were weak. It really isn't your fault I know but I can't help but be angry that you were so weak. You let him gaslight you, abuse you, control you. He decided who your friends were, he decides who you text, he decides how long you stay out. But at the end of the day, you accepted it. You let him and for that I don't think I can ever forgive you. I tried so hard to get through to you but instead you turned on me. You almost ruined everything I worked for but alas you came to your senses and at least dropped the ridiculous accusations. I guess I can at least respect that.

It's just really sad. There was a position open that you would have been perfect for. I told you it was going to open up very early on when we met. I was preparing you for it. IF you didn't leave, you would be starting Monday. But no, another more qualified person will. Someone who actually wants to help people and not just themselves.

What truly hurt is when you didn't show up to my match. I told you about how hard I have been working and you pretended to be so supportive. You promised you wouldn't miss it, but where were you? I know you had nothing to do that night, I saw you status about how you started binging True Blood (something I introduced you to btw), so what was your excuse? Gross. Your behavior is just gross.

We could have built an empire. But I will now build it on my own. I was always going to, I just thought I would help a friend along in the journey. But it will be truly interesting when you're broke, lonely, and depressed in a few years because of this terrible mistake. When you come back to me looking for help and I will no longer be the guy who bends over backwards for you. I hope you remember that

YOU made this decision.

YOU chose him over your future.

YOU chose him over your career.

YOU chose him over your friends that really cared for you.

It's sad, pathetic really. I feel bad but also amused and angry.

Today has been just hard because I found out the person we interviewed will start Monday. It just brought back a lot of memories and I just had to vent.

But you probably don't care. You were acting just to boost your own ego, not because you ever cared about the people we helped. You are a sad and broken person. You are pathetic and it disgusts me how you acted at the end.

But you will just be a smudge in my memories.

Good luck kid, you're going to need it.

Sincerely,

----------------

One last, snarky comment that may or may not have been about 'Jennifer'. Recovered from OP's user profile.

Update 9 (October 7 2017): comment on r/AskReddit What was the worst case of computer illiteracy you have ever witnessed?

quote:

An employee of mine (younger btw, 20s) didn't know how to turn a word document into a pdf. On the application she wrote "proficient at microsoft word and excel." Lol, yeah okay.

----------------

And last but not least, a twist! A response from 'Jennifer's' boyfriend after OP's first post appeared in r/niceguys on July 13. May or may not be bullshit, but adding all the same.

Comment from throawaya0101:

quote:

I'm a little late but I'm pretty sure I'm the evil boyfriend this guy is referring to.

I actually had difficulty remembering the details because of how untrue and inconsistent the OP's descriptions of the events were. Super eerie and surreal all around though.

(on being asked if his girlfriend went to HR) HR was pretty cool with with her and let her transfer to a different part of the company. I don't really know the details but she's working with brand new team than her previous one.

(on asked if OP wass disciplined) There was an official report about the incident but no word on any actions after that. We haven't had any other contact from Mr. Niceguy either.

(longer response in comment on August 12)

Sorry I'm late again but yea we've talked over the details a couple of times while this incident happened. I'll just note the severe inconsistencies

It wasn't a gala, just a normal fundraiser. Most people had buttons ups and slacks on
It was during the fundraiser that he started being really creepy towards her. He started by introducing her as his date and kept insisting they were more than friends. Eventually he became overly touchy, always trying to grab her lower back or always reaching to hold her hand. She finally had enough when he offered the two of them go somewhere "quiet" together. She called me and told me to pick her up immediately.

's interesting the note that his version included a conversation between us but that never happened. I was picking up some free food and drinks when my girlfriend immediately grabbed me and introduced me to the guy. I said hello and he didn't say a word. He kind of glared at me and muttered something I couldn't hear. Then he awkwardly tried to give my girlfriend a hug but she quickly turned away and he said to call him when she comes home. She said she almost threw up when he said that.

The whole thing really caught her by surprise because my she said he was a really nice guy for the majority of the year. It was only around summer time, he started acting strange. She only has a couple weeks left with that company and she's going to be moving with me to to a new place, so I don't really care what happens to that guy. Hope he find Jesus or something though.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:48

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

Wow, that boyfriend does sound abusive. HE COULD'VE HELPED HER CAREER!!!!!DFSF

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:55

Magic Hate Ball: May 6, 2007; ha ha ha!
you've already paid for this

DeeplyConcerned posted:

I'm a little confused about what this dude gets out of having the same conversation which is basically him just bitching with several different people in a row.

If you tell a ten minute story to ten people at once, that's ten minutes of attention, but if you tell that same story to those same ten people individually, that's almost two hours of attention!

:brainworms:

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:55

Indecisive: May 6, 2007

started getting boring and yucky but yikes was it obvious from the very start that he was in fact, romantically interested in some way despite very loudly insisting he wasn't

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:56

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Pantaloon Pontiff posted:

I wouldn't be surprised if they take the call, let him start, then set the phone to the side where they can't hear it and throw in a 'hmm' or 'OK' so he thinks they're listening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljTsipNSEg0

# ? Apr 23, 2024 22:57

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

oh jay posted:

Okay, I'll play your bad manager game. It's a long one. The link has occasional formatting and such that I can't be assed to replicate here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vwexvs/the_saga_of_the_niceguy_boss_who_thought_his/

Original: Me [32M] with my coworker/friend [24/F] of one year, how do I let her know she is in an abusive relationship with her bf[24m] - 12 July 2017

My "TO CLARIFY I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS AND DO NOT CARE THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND" shirt is raising a lot of questions that are answered by my shirt.

"We could have built an empire." goddamn

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:02

mystes: May 31, 2006

Mordiceius posted:

My "TO CLARIFY I DO NOT HAVE ANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS AND DO NOT CARE THAT SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND" shirt is raising a lot of questions that are answered by my shirt.

"We could have built an empire." goddamn

He has no romantic interest and doesn't care that she has a boyfriend, he just felt extremely angry and manipulated when he found out that she had a boyfriend and she hadn't told him, since that was something he clearly needed to know as a person with no romantic interest in her.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:04

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

You need to tell him you have a boyfriend, and it�s me!

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:05

oh jay: Oct 15, 2012

Pope Corky the IX posted:

You need to tell him you have a boyfriend, and it�s me!

brb filing for a restraining order

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:07

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

Captain Hygiene posted:

On the other hand, I now have a mental soundtrack for all reddit relationship issues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qW2scK3bd3s

I prefer the acoustic version, frankly:

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:08

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

You can tell he�s built for business because he keeps pressing forward despite receiving overwhelmingly negative feedback about how he�s acting like a freak. �You stupid bitch we could have built an empire� is actually a quote from Henry Ford.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:10

babypolis: Nov 4, 2009

Indecisive posted:

started getting boring and yucky but yikes was it obvious from the very start that he was in fact, romantically interested in some way despite very loudly insisting he wasn't

reminds me of the guy who could not shut up about how incredibly hot his friend was , not even during his wedding. but dont worry he had zero attraction towards her!

the stories were even when the OP is trying to make themselves look as good as possible they still come across as an incredible rear end in a top hat are my favorite genre

babypolis fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Apr 23, 2024

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:11

emSparkly: Nov 21, 2022; Can't post for 3 days!

What is it with these guys? Can�t they just trust the judgement of the women in their lives and leave well enough alone?

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:15

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

CannonFodder posted:

5 shots of tequila in an hour and a half at lunch before going back to DIAGNOSTIC LAB WORK, nbd

This is why we needed Theranos!

Which also reminds of one of my favourites from the last thread:

AITA for drinking too much at my fianc�s family gathering?

quote:

Me (M29) and my fianc� (F21) have been dating for over 2 years but I have not met her family since they live in another city. My fianc� moved to my home city for university and I met her here, but her hometown is over 1.5 hours away, so I have not met her family until this.

My fianc� invited me to a family gathering at her hometown and I�m extremely busy as I work in construction, which is why I haven�t met her family before (that, and the fact that they live so far away).

Before the dinner, I was nervous because I am meeting her family and want to make a good impression. She told me they do drink alcohol, so I drink 3-4 beers on the way to her house because #1. I�m nervous but #2. My fianc� said they drink, so I thought it would be fine. Well here is the dilemma�

I didn�t eat that much before I started pre drinking, so the couple of beers hit me way harder than I was expecting. I showed up slightly buzzed but when I got there, they offered me some wine. I happily accept and start introducing myself to all of the different family members. Well my MIL apparently likes to eat dinner a lot later than I was expecting, so we didn�t end up eating until 2.5-3 hours later than when I arrived.

By the time dinner came around, the alcohol had hit me HARD. I will admit myself, I was decently drunk. Without my fianc� preparing any food during the day, and my MIL having a late dinner, the alcohol was basically all my body had that day. This is super embarrassing to admit but I was really drunk as we were all serving ourselves dinner and I dropped my plate with a good amount of food on it.

Obviously I apologized and offered to clean it up but by this time, my fianc� was pissed and wasn�t being understanding of the situation I was in, especially considering I was making first impressions with her family. By the time I went to get a second plate, I was becoming dizzy and ill, and realized I wouldn�t even be able to make it through the dinner, and asked her where I can lay down. She was LIVID as she brought me to her parents room, basically tossing me in the room and slamming the door, making a huge scene. Instead of going into the bed , I went to the bathroom and threw up, staying there for the rest of the dinner.

I spent the rest of the night laying in the washroom and on the drive home she was ripping me a new one. It�s been two days and she�s still acting pissy about the situation.

YES, I know I am partly to blame and I hosed up BUT she told me they like to drink, and she also said she was going to make me lunch but never ended up making me lunch that day. On top of that, I wasn�t expecting dinner to be served so late. My point is, yes I really hosed up but at the same time I wish she would cut me a bit of slack due to all of the other variables.

Am I the rear end in a top hat because I unwillingly got too drunk at her family gathering? I really want to add that her family was the one feeding me liquor, I was not serving myself.

EDIT: yes I agree I hosed up in this situation and take full responsibility but I�m taking about how she�s still holding it over me and acting disrespectful to me

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:16

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

r/relationships: Hope he find Jesus or something though.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:17

emSparkly: Nov 21, 2022; Can't post for 3 days!

Shanghaied posted:

This is why we needed Theranos!

Which also reminds of one of my favourites from the last thread:

AITA for drinking too much at my fianc�s family gathering?

So op is an alcoholic who started dating a girl as soon as she became legal and quickly pressured her into an engagement before she had a chance to live as an independent adult and is already proving himself to be an immature unstable rear end. Cool.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:24

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Shanghaied posted:

Which also reminds of one of my favourites from the last thread:

AITA for drinking too much at my fianc�s family gathering?

OP does himself no favors in the comments.

quote:

1. My fianc� never told me that dinner was going to be so late, so why would I have gotten fast food right before I went over, expecting food at a decent time. #2. The only thing we had was fish and I don�t know how to cook fish but my fiance does so I I didn�t really have an option. 3 and most importantly, I apologize and accept I drank too much. No one�s fault but my own and I admit that. But when I was hungry, low bloody sugar and visibly drunk, I wouldn�t expect people to offer my alcohol, even though now I know to not ever do that I again, I learnt my lesson and will make up for it to her

I don�t blame her family for the amount I drank! I didn�t blame her family at all but they were serving me alcohol as I was visibly drunk and idk, part of me thinks it was targetted but at the same time I know that�s not true, I was just being an idiot and got too hosed up. I shouldn�t have done that, but she�s holding it over my head for way too long when it was a mistake that could�ve happened to anybody

And btw it wasn�t about drinking like a frat boy, when she said they drink I thought she meant they DRINK drink and it was a miscommunication

I get she would be mad in the moment but it�s the facts that happened days ago and I�ve taken full responsibility

My expierence is exactly like my making?? Really???? So you�re saying everything that happens in your life is completely your fault? You realize that people make mistakes and things that happen in peoples lives are out of their control ? Wow

No it�s not her fault I got too drunk, I didn�t mean it to come off that way at all. I am just wondering if I�m the rear end in a top hat because I Accidentally got too drunk, it happens to everybody from time to time and I feel like she�s overreacting

Etc. etc.

"I Accidentally got too drunk, it happens to everybody from time to time and I feel like she�s overreacting " - whomst among us hasn't made an unconscious vomiting mess of ourselves when meeting important people for the first time?

As for the age gap:

quote:

Nahhhh she was turning 20 in like 2 months when I met her

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:27

Deformed Church: May 12, 2012; 5'5", IQ 81

The stress of cheating on my wife is making me ill � but I can no longer suppress who I am

quote:

I�m a 41-year-old man and I have been married to my wife for 10 years. I have always been bisexual, but because I wanted a family (we have two young children) I turned a blind eye to my gay side. I thought I could keep it up for ever, but after hiding it for so long I developed insomnia and other ailments. A year ago I decided to explore my sexuality. After a few meet ups with random men, I met a man who is 20 years my senior and quickly fell in love. I am now in a loving sexual relationship with him. I feel so much more sexually confident and have a happiness I�ve never felt before. However I�m beginning to suffer from gastrointestinal problems due to the stress of cheating on my wife and being disloyal to my kids. The insomnia has got worse and I have begun to use alcohol to get to sleep. I love my wife dearly, but my attraction to her fizzled out soon after our second child was born. I don�t want to break up our family but I can�t live without a man in my life. Should I seek therapy? Moral guidance would be appreciated.

quote:

Therapy would probably be very helpful. You need a lot of support, although �moral guidance� is not called for at all. You are who you are � a person who is �wired� in a certain way � and that is very unlikely to change, even if you want it to. Only you know if there is a possibility that your wife will accept the truth of who you really are, and I can understand you may not want to risk telling her in case it is unacceptable. But the toll this is taking on you is enormous. Perhaps, after some individual therapeutic help, you could also use a couples therapist to find a way to talk to your wife about your distressing situation in a safe and palatable manner.

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:46

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Shanghaied posted:

This is why we needed Theranos!

Which also reminds of one of my favourites from the last thread:

AITA for drinking too much at my fianc�s family gathering?

- me (M29)
- my fianc� (F21)
- dating for over 2 years

:whitewater:

Also "we've been together for over two years, we're engaged, but i've never met her family because they're an unbearable two hours away"

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:58

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

Yeah, that one is cutting it close, but it looks like she recognized an alcoholic in his twenties blossoming into an alcoholic in his thirties so she�ll do better next time. Also, holy loving poo poo becoming legless within the first few hours of meeting your girlfriend�s family for the first time.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:04

Mordiceius: Nov 10, 2007; If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!

Pope Corky the IX posted:

Yeah, that one is cutting it close, but it looks like she recognized an alcoholic in his twenties blossoming into an alcoholic in his thirties so she�ll do better next time. Also, holy loving poo poo becoming legless within the first few hours of meeting your girlfriend�s family for the first time.

My immediate guess is that they're from the UK or maybe somewhere else in Europe because everyone I know from the UK acts like if they have to drive more than 30-45 minutes somewhere, it is an impossibly long drive.

I just don't get how the gently caress you don't meet any family when they're less than 2 hours away. That's a fuckin day trip that you could have done many times over.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:07

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

AITA For Asking My Partner if She Sits on the Toilet Seat?

quote:

My (24M) partner (22MtF) have been together for nearly four years and just got our own place.

I purchased a couple of those "clip on the toilet bowl" fresheners for our bathroom but upon installing it, realized it goes over the rim of the bowl.

I realized this could be an issue for my girlfriend as I wasn't sure if she used the toilet seat or sat on the rim of the toilet. For some context, I'm 6'0" and 150 pounds, so I'm a thin guy. I always use the seat, and if a toilet doesn't have a seat, I hover because I will straight up fall into a toilet if I'm not careful.

My partner, however, is 6'0" and 280 pounds. I don't consider her fat. I never think of her as fat. And I'm always trying to tell her how good she looks. I've never been a not thin guy and I know people who are larger than me tend to use the toilet sans seat, and sit on the rim of the bowl. In all our four years together, I've never taken note of how she uses the toilet so I asked her:

"Do you use the toilet with the seat up or the seat down?" She was confused at first and I should've deduced the answer from that but I'm a little stupid.

After explaining my question in more detail, she asked if I was calling her fat. Of course, I replied with "no" and explained it wasn't about weight, I just wanted to be sure the toilet freshener wouldn't keep her from using the toilet. She was offended anyways and I felt at the time that it was a bit unreasonable to feel that way. We had a bit of back and forth regarding that and agreed to disagree.

That was yesterday. Today, she brought it up again and I told her that I maintain my question was not about her being fat or not and that it was only because I wanted to make sure she wasn't going to be disrupted by the toilet freshener. She called me an rear end in a top hat for defending my question and doesn't believe that my question was not about her weight.

She asked if I was sorry at all and I told her, honestly, "no". I don't feel like I've done anything wrong or that I was being rude. She called me an rear end in a top hat again and stormed off. I'm left here at my desk starting to wonder if I AM an rear end in a top hat.

I should have just apologized and typically I do but I really felt like I didn't do anything wrong. My apology wouldn't have been a lie, I AM sorry that I've upset her. But on the topic of AITAH I'm not so sure anymore.

The stakes on this are super low, btw. I'm trying to figure out if I'm missing a perspective here that makes me an rear end in a top hat. We'll talk about it tonight, no doubt, and go to bed happy with each other. We don't ever really fight and rarely disagree so I figured "why not let Reddit weigh in?"

Thanks in advance!

quote:

Edit to add:

So here's what I've learned today:

A) I have a very strange family.

B) I failed to realize that I was making an assumption based on very limited data. The assumption being that some people don't use the toilet seat and the data limited to the maybe 15 people I've ever witnessed using the restroom in 24 years of life.

C) I am, in fact, very sorry to my girlfriend for being such a naive rear end and asking what I now realize was a profoundly stupid question.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:09

emSparkly: Nov 21, 2022; Can't post for 3 days!

Is this transphobia bait? I don�t exactly see it in the post but I really dread the comments.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:16

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

Mordiceius posted:

My immediate guess is that they're from the UK or maybe somewhere else in Europe because everyone I know from the UK acts like if they have to drive more than 30-45 minutes somewhere, it is an impossibly long drive.

I just don't get how the gently caress you don't meet any family when they're less than 2 hours away. That's a fuckin day trip that you could have done many times over.

that's because a 2 hour drive in the UK is very very different from a 2 hour drive in the US.

we don't have straight line interstate highways, it's all A roads and small towns and villages unless you're going in a very specific north south direction and can use the M1

I'd love someone from the US to drive like from Derby to Manchester, a 2 hour journey, and then back up that they'd be happy to do that both ways many times over.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:17

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Mordiceius posted:

My immediate guess is that they're from the UK or maybe somewhere else in Europe because everyone I know from the UK acts like if they have to drive more than 30-45 minutes somewhere, it is an impossibly long drive.

I just don't get how the gently caress you don't meet any family when they're less than 2 hours away. That's a fuckin day trip that you could have done many times over.

There's also small town weirdos who have panic attacks when they see unfamiliar street names.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:18

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

emSparkly posted:

Is this transphobia bait? I don�t exactly see it in the post but I really dread the comments.

quote:

INFO

I know people who are larger than me tend to use the toilet sans seat, and sit on the rim of the bowl.

IS THIS AN ACTUAL THING?!?

For some reason, this idea bothers me far more than I ever thought it might. Would have never even entered my mind as a possibility � of course everyone uses the toilet seat?

quote:

It's really not a thing. OP clarifies that all the people he has seen doing this were family members, when he was small. I suspect that he comes from a family with some, um, rather odd toileting proclivities, and that this has given him a very mistaken idea of what is common in terms of people's bathroom habits.

if this is actually some weird bait then I sincerely apologise, but to me it looks like just a hosed up poop knife situation

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:20

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

emSparkly posted:

Is this transphobia bait? I don’t exactly see it in the post but I really dread the comments.

The terlet one? Apparently some people in OP's family sit on the loving rim so he thought it was a normal thing some people do? Lmao

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:23

emSparkly: Nov 21, 2022; Can't post for 3 days!

Siting on the bowl would be so cold though.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:24

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

emSparkly posted:

Siting on the bowl would be so cold though.

Shocks the poo/pee out of you. So chilly!

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:27

artsy fartsy: May 10, 2014; You'll be ahead instead of behind. Hello!

Why would you sit on the bowl, that's where all the pubes end up 😬

Oh but here's one we can argue about. Personally, if I was out drinking and got a text from my partner that "I need to go to the hospital because my balls hurt" I would also not take him seriously. Almost any other phrasing would get my attention, but not that

WIBTA for dumping my girlfriend after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery.

quote:

I 22M, and my girlfriend, 22F have been together for 5 years.

We've been together since high school, and until recently, I've always considered her to be my future wife. I've even bought a ring and was planning on proposing over the coming months.

Well, last weekend it was my girlfriend's best friend's birthday. She and her friends booked a private lounge at a club. Obviously, I didn't go since 1. I wasn't invited and 2. I hate clubbing or anything associated with that. I was actually looking forward to spending an evening alone and just binging Netflix or something. Well, my gf left around 9 pm, and I just crashed on the couch and watched some YouTube. Well, around 11 pm, I started to feel this distinct stomach pain. The same pain you experience when someone hits you in the nuts. It wasn't bad at first, and I just thought my body was playing some tricks on me, but in the span of about 5 minutes, the pain just kept getting worse until I was basically stuck in the fetal position on the couch. Again, initially, I just thought the pain would go, but then I pulled down my pants, and it felt like my right testicle was starting to swell.

The moment I tried to get up and grab my phone to inspect whatever the gently caress was happening to me, I just collapsed to the floor. That was probably the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Imagine being pelted in the nuts over and over again. I did manage to crawl to the table next to the couch to get my phone. I immediately tried calling my gf, but she declined my call. I then texted her that something was wrong and she could come home immediately. The club she went to is like a 5-minute walk from our apartment. I just put the phone down and started throwing up because of the pain. After throwing up for like a minute, it felt like the pain started to cool down a bit, and I grabbed my phone again, and that's when I saw her response. She just replied with a "What is it? 😒". I tried calling her again, but as expected, she just declined again. I then texted her that I need to go to the hospital now. She then asked for what, and I just replied with my balls hurt. I then just dialed for emergency services. I explained my situation to the emergency responder, and she asked if there was somebody that could drive me to the hospital, and I stupidly said yes. I thought my gf would be home soon, and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my "balls hurt." After I told the emergency responder this, she then told me that she would call me again in 10 minutes to make sure I was being driven to the hospital. I then put down the phone and went back to vomiting on our carpet. Again, after the pain went away for a bit, I checked my phone and saw that my gf just responded with laughing emojis. I again tried to call her, but as expected, she just declined again. She texted me that this wasn't the time to play games, and she then told me that if I texted or called her again, she would block my number. I again tried calling her, but she declined again, and when I tried calling her a second time, I realized she actually blocked me.

I went back to curling up on the floor, and now I started shivering. At this point, I didn't care about being embarrassed and just called emergency services again and asked for an ambulance. It felt like an eternity, but the ambulance eventually came and rushed me to the hospital. I don't remember much of surgery since I was sedated, but I remember waking up eventually, and my right testicle was being stitched together. The doctor informed me that I had a testicular torsion, and I was extremely lucky to reach the hospital in time. I could have easily been forced to surgically remove my testicle.

I checked my phone and saw the missed calls and messages my gf left me. In summary, she came home from clubbing and smelled the vomit in our apartment. When she saw the vomit on our carpet, she got mad and tried searching the apartment to find me. When she realized I wasn't there, only then did it hit her that I was actually being serious. I just texted her in which hospital I was staying in and my room number then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and saw my gf sleeping on a couch next to my bed.

After she woke up, she started bombarding me with apologies. She thought I was joking, that I was trying to ruin their night, etc. I didn't have the energy to argue, so I just kept quiet. I was beyond hurt by what she did, and I wanted to break up with her then and there. Why the gently caress would somebody ignore messages where their partner is begging them to come home? Not only that, she stayed in the club until 3 am and didn't even consider going home to check on me. She did stay with me in the hospital for the remaining two days I was admitted there and did take good care of me, but I was still beyond pissed at her. Ever since coming home yesterday, I've been wanting to dump her, but at the same time, I feel like she genuinely thought I was joking and made a mistake. I feel conflicted and don't know how to proceed in this situation.

WIBTA if I dumped her? Am I overreacting?

How would you guys navigate this mess?

Edit:

Just to clarify. No I never had an issue with her going out in the first place or have ever pulled pranks for her to come home from a night out.

And btw thank you guys so much for the support. Im beyond blown away.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:30

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

Mordiceius posted:

My immediate guess is that they're from the UK or maybe somewhere else in Europe because everyone I know from the UK acts like if they have to drive more than 30-45 minutes somewhere, it is an impossibly long drive.

I just don't get how the gently caress you don't meet any family when they're less than 2 hours away. That's a fuckin day trip that you could have done many times over.

I mean I heard it years ago but it's proven true over and over again, "The biggest difference between the US and Europe is that in the US they think 100 years is a long time, and in Europe they think 100 miles is a long distance."

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:33

Shanghaied: Oct 12, 2004; BIG PAD

emSparkly posted:

Siting on the bowl would be so cold though.

Maybe the OP is from Arizona or Florida or something, and the coolness of the porcelain is like a pleasant treat.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:33

420 Gank Mid: Dec 26, 2008; WARNING: This poster is a huge bitch!

Yeah I thought he was asking her if she ever pees standing up not if she shits sitting directly on the rim of the bowl

Do morbidly obese people do that? I've seen XXL oversized toilet seats for fat people or someone who just wants to intimidate houseguests but I've never even imagined anyone sitting on the bowl

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:36

AceClown: Sep 11, 2005

I've done it before accidentally when I've been a bit drunk and it is not a pleasant experience not one I'd like to make a regular thing

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:38

boofhead: Feb 18, 2021

op saw all the cool kids talking about "rimming" and thought that's what they meant

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:38

The Maroon Hawk: May 10, 2008

If somebody responded to me saying I needed to go to the hospital with haha reacts and blocking me, that would abso-loving-lutely be grounds to :sever:

, regardless of the stated reason for the hospital trip

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:42

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# ? Jun 6, 2024 23:57

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

artsy fartsy posted:

Why would you sit on the bowl, that's where all the pubes end up 😬

Oh but here's one we can argue about. Personally, if I was out drinking and got a text from my partner that "I need to go to the hospital because my balls hurt" I would also not take him seriously. Almost any other phrasing would get my attention, but not that

WIBTA for dumping my girlfriend after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery.

If it was a single message sure, but I would not completely ignore further attempts to reach me after a single misunderstood text. Don't need a reason to end a relationship and whatnot but in no world is this dude in the wrong.

# ? Apr 24, 2024 00:45

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: he's just soggy moldy baby carrot

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