quote:

I (32 F) have a very good and happy marriage. My husband (38 M) showers me with utmost importance, love and care. It's not even been a year that we got married.

My husband was on a business trip the whole of last week to get to know his team personally. We couldn't talk/text each other much because he was unusually busy. This is a new company for him and he joined as a high ranking member of the team.

He returned home yesterday and we had a very good time, made out, cooked together, slept and cuddled because we just missed each other. After a few hours, I noticed a mark on his neck which looked like a hickey. I asked him about it and he had no idea what it was. On closer inspection, he has several nail scratches on his body too. He was very surprised and he could understand what I am thinking.

He has been extremely upset with the situation that he can't explain the marks. He has been constantly telling me to believe that he can never even think of doing anything to hurt me, cheating is impossible. He has cried, begged and offered to do anything and everything to make me feel right. He understands that it will have a lasting impact on the trust levels between us. He has a habit of deleting texts from everyone he talks to. SMS, WhatsApp, etc, everywhere. I don't think checking his phone will give me any clue and I don't want you to be the couple that snoops in each other's phones.

I am feeling emotionally numb. I have never felt like he could cheat. I can't explain the mark but my mind is refusing the possibility of being cheated upon. He talks about me a lot with his team, he is saying that it would be impossible for him to do anything with a colleague.

I asked him if he found some unexplainable marks on my body, would he be able to let it go? He said, he wouldn't be able to forgive me and divorced me immediately. He has been a victim of cheating in the past and is extremely sensitive about it. I have never been cheated upon before and I don't even know what to think.

Any advice? What would you do if you were in my place?

TL;DR: My husband returned from a business trip with a hickey and scratches, but he insists he didn't cheat. Feeling hurt and unsure what to do. Need advice.

odiv posted:

Someone missed this song parody, if there are probes being handed out.

My Spirit Otter posted:

its just really tedious when some new random unannounced rule from some other thread goes forum wide without announcement because ???.

quote:

Throwaway account.

Read through before anyone says "YTA for telling your mother to pound sand."

So I (41m) am getting married to Alex (32f) who is what you might call a "dream woman." She is everything I want in a woman: beautiful, smart, kind, likes many of the interests that I have. She even took an interest in the same music as me, which is amazing all in itself. We both work in the tech sector, and met through the dating section of a certain social media site. I hit "like" fully thinking "No girl is too beautiful for any man," she messaged me back, we exchanged info, met for the first time and that was that. Less than a year later I proposed and she said yes.

One important detail is that shortly before we met, I was the lucky recipient of a rather large financial uplift (That's all I am willing to share). I decided to still work at my job as it's a great gig and the money is good, plus I get along well with everyone. I was able to buy my own home free and clear plus get a nice new daily driver and a weekend ride. Alex knows my financial situation and has never asked for a dime of my money. Being she is my partner, I have helped her out, the most recent being paying off her student loans (That was a benefit to me as well, because when we get married her debt becomes our debt and I didn't want it to affect my credit). Before this, we were invited to a charity gala by her uncle and she went dress shopping. She fell in love with one but nearly cried when she saw the price. I insisted on paying for the difference because she looked way too pretty in it to pass up.

Fast forward to now. It's a month before the wedding and I get delivered a large envelope, with "from mom" on it. Now back when I bought my house, I paid off the remainder of my parent's mortgage and they decided to stay where they were, which I was fine with. I opened up the envelope, saw the word "prenup" and immediately froze. I am against prenups because I think they're for narcissistic hollywood types that cannot handle a partnership. So I called my mother and asked "what the hell?" She apparently had the son of a friend who is a lawyer draw up a prenup. Well since I don't understand legalese I didn't even open it.... I let a friend who is also a lawyer look at it.

Basically, this prenup was written with my uplift taken into consideration and totally screw Alex if we were to divorce. The house would belong to me, the cars would belong to me and any wealth split would be based on the income difference when we first met, which would mean I would get 80% and she would get 20%, if that. But there was also a clause in it about pregnancy and childbirth. Now Alex is what she calls "personally pro life but not pro-suffering," meaning she would never terminate a healthy pregnancy herself, but if something happens where her health is threatened or the fetus tests positive for a disability that will affect its quality of life, she will terminate (She is personally against the abortion bans, if you must know). This prenup basically stated "any pregnancy that threatens the health of Alex and/or tests positive for a quality of life altering disability must be terminated." It also had a infidelity clause that would reduce Alex's share to zero. Yes, you read that correctly.

Needless to say, I was pissed. I drove over to my parent's house and I demanded an answer from mom as to why she would have such a lovely prenup drawn up, even if I was willing to sign in. She then let loose with apparently everything she wanted to say since me and Alex first started dating:

It's all lust on my side and I am using Alex's flat tummy, hourglass figure, pretty face and big tits (her words) to prop up everything else about her.
It's all money on Alex's side because apparently women that look like her don't go out with guys that look like me unless they have a ton of money. Apparently, it's because I am not muscular (I go to the gym but to stay healthy, finely tuned muscles are not on my priority list) and have short hair with a bald spot.
When I said that Alex is not a gold digger and has never once asked for a dime of my money and she makes her own, mom said "Of course she doesn't have to ask, you bail her out of everything anyway."
I asked her about the pregnancy clause and she said, "Alex says that she would terminate a downs syndrome pregnancy but I don't believe her. A friend of mine has a mentally challenged grandson and it's hell. I don't want you to be stuck with a retard." (Sorry for using that word, but that's what she said)
Mom finished by saying that if Alex refuses to sign the prenup, she is a gold digger and if she does she is genuinely in love with me.

I finished by saying I am not signing it and it's going in one place: The paper shredder. I go to it and shred it. I tell mom we love each other and we are *not* signing a prenup, end of story. Mom says, "Hope her letting you fondle those D cups is worth it when she leaves you for a Brad Pitt clone and takes all your money." That's when I tell her to go pound sand and she just killed her chance of being invited to the wedding.

Since then, people on mom's side of the family have called and texted me to tell me that I was way too harsh to my mother and she was only looking out for me. But I don't think I am. AITAH here?

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

My husband (38 M) returned from a trip with a hickey, need advice.

im loving sorry lady

" He has a habit of deleting texts from everyone he talks to. "

yeah as one does

Shardix posted:

Because it's funny.

AITAH for shredding the prenup my mother had prepared for me and telling her to pound sand?

I would have used more colorful language, myself.

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

as long as the proper capitalization rule doesnt come back

e: gently caress

My husband (38 M) returned from a trip with a hickey, need advice.

im loving sorry lady

" He has a habit of deleting texts from everyone he talks to. "

yeah as one does

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

why?

FMguru posted:

I'm really digging his brazen "Huh, I have no idea how those things got there " response.

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

as long as the proper capitalization rule doesnt come back

e: gently caress

My husband (38 M) returned from a trip with a hickey, need advice.

im loving sorry lady

" He has a habit of deleting texts from everyone he talks to. "

yeah as one does

quote:

UPDATE: he thought hard about it and he said they had a badminton tournament within the team. There was this one time his partner's racket rubbed against his neck, and so there could be a mark there.

He sent me pictures of the event and he is saying he is looking for a possibility that someone caught him getting hurt in a video.

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

hon it was the shuttlecock

Mordiceius posted:

lol what a terrible excuse

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

hon it was the shuttlecock

TehRedWheelbarrow posted:

why?

My Spirit Otter posted:

its just really tedious when some new random unannounced rule from some other thread goes forum wide without announcement because ???.

Shardix posted:

Why what? Why is it funny? Because people getting upset about things that don't matter is funny to me. Why would I used more colorful language? Because if my mom said any of that to me, I would have stronger feelings about it than "go pound sand".

wheatpuppy posted:

Honestly the pre-nup guy should go ahead and accept that document because I am pretty sure the abortion bit is right there in the dictionary under "unenforceable contract" so it's not like it'll make any difference in the long run.

ilmucche posted:

I have been hit in the neck by one. It left a mark

quote:

I love my boyfriend. He is a very good man overall; I don’t want this post to be about bashing him.

I was married for 26 years before I started a relationship with this man. He has never been married. I don’t want to be married again, but I wanted companionship at meals and someone to do things with. This man has turned out to be so much more.

But I am hurt and angry when he yells out “you’ll be sorry” upon hearing of weddings. I know he is kidding and it’s not a reflection of me, but I still have an emotional reaction to this behavior. I let him know last year I felt these outbursts were tacky, and they have decreased dramatically. But we are out with friends right now and out comes out with the “you’ll be sorry!” I feel embarrassed.

I know he’s this way because of his childhood and his parents divorced and remarried. He is very cynical about that.

Since I’ve already said something about this behavior before I don’t want to say anything again. How would you proceed? Would you avoid taking this behavior personally? And would you be offended?

TLDR: My boyfriend yells out “you’ll be sorry” when he hears of a planned wedding or sees one on tv.

quote:

Two years ago, I lent my sister $3,000 to be repaid when our $30k inheritance from our grandmother came in. It was supposed to come in within months, but it took forever due to numerous reasons.

During those two years, my sister and her husband went into debt to have a six-figure wedding. Shortly after, it appears both of them starting having issues with their incomes and have also been struggling debt. Her husband owns a few restaurants, apparently they aren’t doing well enough to support their lifestyle. Just a complete and utter financial disaster.

I patiently wait for the inheritance to finally come in, and then my sister messages me saying she is not going to pay me until she fixes her situation. They are selling their share of a business and I’ll get paid then.

After some months of waiting I message her:

“Hey do you have an update on repaying me? I was supposed to get paid back after the inheritance came. My loan to you was just 10% of the inheritance. What did you do with the inheritance funds?”

I asked her what she did with the inheritance funds because unless it was used to pay down debt immediately, I don’t see any justification for not paying me. I heard she have invested a portion of it in the market. I strongly feel that paying me back takes precedence over investing (gambling?) it in the market.

Her response in full:

Do you sit in [location] and think hmmmm

Let me ask my sister for 3k

“What did you do with the inheritance funds”

Like what are you on about

It’s called, we are actively trying to fix our situation

So no I am not paying you 3k until I do

And that is my final answer

If you would like to complain more when your net worth is SIGNIFICANTLY more than mine

I have explained very clearly that [husband] does not have a salary

If you message me again about this until I tell you that we’re good, do not expect me to speak to you again

I have been more stressed out than I’ve ever been in my life

And I will not have my multi millionaire brother be on my rear end about 3k

Get some loving empathy

———

So my position here is pretty clear. The debt was 3k. We received 30k inheritance from our sweet grandmother. If things aren’t dire enough that they have money to invest in the market from that 30k, then that is money that should be paid to me first. End of story.

My current financial standing is irrelevant here, and is just an excuse to not do what is right.

Some are asking whether I have proof of original agreement. Yes I do, over text.

So, AITA? Do I need more empathy?

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA: broke sister won’t pay back rich brother

quote:

my multi millionaire brother

Shardix posted:

AITAH for shredding the prenup my mother had prepared for me and telling her to pound sand?

I would have used more colorful language, myself.

Most Power Alex posted:

Honesty, ESH. OP sucks for not to protect himself, his Mom sucks for just draw up her own prenup instead of discussing it with her son, Alex sucks for not just saying she's pro choice because that is 100% what her beliefs are describing.

Shardix posted:

Because it's funny.

AITAH for shredding the prenup my mother had prepared for me and telling her to pound sand?

I would have used more colorful language, myself.

quote:

This woman is so...I have no words honestly. I'm in shock, I haven't even told my family or close friends I'm just speechless. Google brought me here and I've read a few posts and seen a lot of amazing advice but I haven't seen anything that relates to my predicament. I haven't shown or spoken to FDH yet because he's travelling for work.

This woman does not like me, she hasn't said it but it's clear she doesn't. For example, I have a three letter name yet she referred to me using FDH's exes names which are much longer than mine. She did this until FDH noticed what she was doing and called her out on it. Her excuse? She's old. She's in her early 50s. She's so subtle and passive aggressive that sometimes it takes me a while to get what she really means. Anyways, she told me at the surprise party my FDH threw me, my gift was coming in the mail. I was so shocked when I saw it was a prenup! My family is middle class, no one has ever had to sign a prenup. I looked up some of the terms and sent some pages to my coworker who's married to a lawyer and he called me to tell me not to sign it, he referred to it as "extremely aggressive". There are things like I agree to no spousal support in case of divorce ??? This weird infidelity penalty ??? The craziest bit I've read so far was about me having to spend time with FMIL and the rest of my future in-laws.

She knows I've got it because she called me 100 times since the mail courier delivered it a few hours ago. I honestly don't know what to say. I have no problem signing a prenup if that is what FDH wants (I don't think he knows because he asked FMIL what she got me and she grinned and said "You'll see") but this one has been referred to as extremely unfair and dehumanising by a lawyer. I get this is what rich people do but getting it from your FMIL is weird right? Or am I overreacting and this is normal??

FMIL JUST sent me a message basically telling me to sign and get it out of the way so we can start wedding planning ?????

quote:

I didn't even think about this!! It was hand delivered so she could've had it delivered when DH was here she specifically waited for when he'd be unreachable. I'm not going to sign it, it has things like how many children we should have and DH can do random drug tests on me. Its so weird.

Most Power Alex posted:

Honesty, ESH. OP sucks for not to protect himself, his Mom sucks for just draw up her own prenup instead of discussing it with her son, Alex sucks for not just saying she's pro choice because that is 100% what her beliefs are describing.