|
idiotsavant posted:that's why the immediate annulment is kinda weird tho; like if you're actually eyes open going into it you should probably realize that you're going to run into struggles like this, where your dopey spouse doesn't really think things through "right" cause that's how his brain is wired, and you'll probably either have to directly manage the whole thing or just be able to accept what happens with as much grace as you can than the tale as old as time of the passive people pleaser, it's also pretty harshly highlighted the issues OP would have to help deal with going forward. That said, I'm not sure if she's thought of this that deeply? I'm not saying this to criticize her, you don't need to pass a certain level of deep thought to break things off with someone, it just sounds like this hurt her really badly and she can't even stand being around him right now so she's just taking the move that allows her to separate from him most easily. It's a way bigger legal and emotional mess than if this had happened when they were just dating .
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 1, 2024 17:47 |
|
|
Midnight Voyager posted:Okay but... you're acting like big breaches of trust are just to be expected for anyone with autism and I guess that feels kinda crappy to me. It's not rose-colored glasses to think autism wouldn't cause you to hear a no, be pressured into a yes, and then sneak around your wife's back to make it happen. There are plenty of autistic people who do not do those things. It's not just an "oh bother, dopey spouse's brain wiring has done it again!" thing. Like. She tried to manage it by clearly explaining her feelings to him. That didn't work.
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:24
|
|
|
I went looking for wedding drama, found something a bit odd. Help with unusual employee request quote:Location: CT, USA
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:27
|
|
|
Cythereal posted:I went looking for wedding drama, found something a bit odd. My advice to this guy: Get over yourself. Meet the future inlaws and say "Yo, my man Deepak is the loving star member of my team. We would be lost without him. He is a fuckin catch that you better not let go!" this isn't hard and doesn't require a ton of fuckin though.
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:29
|
|
|
Cythereal posted:I went looking for wedding drama, found something a bit odd. Offer to write a letter ? He's a business guy he can probably make it sound good but not say anything of substance His reliability matrix as well as his dependability zone are both ranked in the first nexis quadrant
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:30
|
|
|
yeah why wouldn't you consequence-free lie if it helps someone you don't dislike and want in good spirits
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:31
|
|
|
This person seems like they'd rather chew their own leg off than praise somebody else, which means they're perfectly suited for management.
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:36
|
|
|
RenegadeStyle1 posted:It's funny how people pleasers never seem particularly interested in pleasing their spouses It's a negative side effect of getting really comfortable with someone. It's good to be so comfortable with your spouse that you know you can make an occasional stupid mistake, and they'll forgive you and still love you. They allow you to be your authentic self in front of them, warts and all. But that can also allow your toxic traits to take over, and you end up neglecting their needs, because they're typically so forgiving of your lovely behavior so you don't worry about it too much. It's easy for one person to overstep boundaries, because the other wants to avoid conflict and typically won't raise a fuss over it, even if it's a repeated pattern. They're not saying anything because they're hoping it simply won't happen again next time.
|
|
#
?
May 8, 2024 23:57
|
|
|
AITA for moving out of my parent's house when my brother and his family moved in?quote:There is a whole lot of unnecessary back story I will leave out.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:00
|
|
|
If you are in "a department" (implying there are several) of 12 people one of those other departments is probably HR, at least consult them before asking internet randoms
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:00
|
|
|
Mx. posted:
Eww. Gross.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:03
|
|
|
Mx. posted:AITA for moving out of my parent's house when my brother and his family moved in? quote:My sister in law is the reason for the situation. She should get a job to help her family instead of complaining that I keep the temperature too low and rating my snacks.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:13
|
|
|
Mx. posted:AITA for moving out of my parent's house when my brother and his family moved in? quote:Half off the rent for a few months would totally help us with the down payment and expenses. They moved in in February. When March rolled around I sent transferred half my usual rent to my parents. My mom called to ask me where the rest was. I said I assumed that Brad was paying the other half. Nope. I had to pay all the rent. I asked why I had to pay for them to stay in my house. My mom said it wasn't my house yet and that I was being mouthy.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:13
|
|
|
Cythereal posted:Help with unusual employee request This one is super-easy. Either go and give a glowing review to the in-laws since this is what the guy wants and it's no big deal, or ask HR for approval in a way that pushes them to say no and then say your hands are tied because of policies. I agree that it's pretty obvious why this guy is a manager though. nonathlon posted:Somewhere, way back in a previous version of this thread, there was a story about a woman dating a widower. He would get upset if she suggested doing anything on the day or in the week of the anniversary of his wife dying, of him marrying his wife, his wife's birthday, Mother's Day, their first date ... to the point that he'd excluded about half the year. I think he also was hanging on to the exact furniture and decorations in the exact locations his wife had put them, years ago. Anytime remember that one? I had a partner at one point who had 'trouble dates' all through the year. I was talking with a friend about what in this thread would be 'relationship court will say YTA if you break up with someone near a date that is really significant to them,' and I pointed out that by those rules relationship court would only allow me to break up with her during a stretch of about two or three weeks in June, and maybe not even then since that's close to when my family usually goes on a vacation trip (which might have become significant event for her). Actually plotting out the 'bad time to do something' times got them to agree that the rule sounds good in theory but is actually awful in practice.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:32
|
|
|
mystes posted:NTA but I don't understand why OP didn't communicate about whether they would be splitting the rent beforehand I wonder what would have happened if she had tried to charge the brother rent.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:36
|
|
|
mystes posted:NTA but I don't understand why OP didn't communicate about whether they would be splitting the rent beforehand Because nobody in their right mind would ever consider the possibility they'd just be covering all of it.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:43
|
|
|
Cythereal posted:I went looking for wedding drama, found something a bit odd. Treat it like a formal interview type thing. Put on a suit,say "Deepak is a fine employee and will make a fine son in law." And leave it at that.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:45
|
|
|
Lottery of Babylon posted:All Cocks Are Beautiful cops and fire firefighters are natural enemies. the reason he got fired is for dating a firefighter and the reason you couldnt get that job is for dating a cop. just watch tacoma fd if you dont believe me
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:46
|
|
|
Sadly I've met some really chuddy cop-loving fire fighters.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:48
|
|
|
mystes posted:NTA but I don't understand why OP didn't communicate about whether they would be splitting the rent beforehand Seems like the whole thing was a failure to communicate. "Hey, your brother's family is moving in. Rent arrangement isn't going to change though". "Hey, we're moving out and closing on a house. I'll have my final month rent payment for you at the start of May". Just a whole bunch of assumptions and passive aggressiveness. I can't even imagine the conversation if they bought their parents' house and her brother & jobless sister-in-law were still living there. Cythereal posted:Help with unusual employee request What on earth does that have to do with a guy getting married you stuck-up piece of poo poo.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:57
|
|
|
John Wick of Dogs posted:Ross masturbating in the back of the truck: I WAS ON A FIFTEEN MINUTE BREAK lol
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 00:59
|
|
|
mom and dad fight a lot posted:What on earth does that have to do with a guy getting married you stuck-up piece of poo poo. You could have just called him a Manager.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:01
|
|
|
Mx. posted:AITA for moving out of my parent's house when my brother and his family moved in? Om nom nom, this hand tastes delicious
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:03
|
|
|
Also, the parents renting the house to OP may very well assholes but ignoring that, it seems like the problem is that 1) the parents (supposedly) need the rent money to cover a mortgage either on that house or whatever they bought without selling the house 2) OP's brother has no money right now Maybe getting out would have ultimately been the correct decision anyway, but theoretically in a situation where everyone was reasonable and communicating well, it seems like one alternative would be to agree that the price when OP bought the house in the future would be reduced by (half the rent) x (number of months OP's brother's family was staying there) after the mortgage was paid off or something. In any case, unless OP has already decided to go no contact with their parents, it just seems pretty extreme to buy a house and move out without saying "hey I'm not happy with this arrangement where I'm paying the full rent and my brother's family is living here and I'm going to have to move out if this continues" first If OP's parents weren't willing to be flexible or anything or OP wasn't willing to share the house, I don't think they were wrong to move out or anything, so I think they are NTA, but I just feel like normally there would be a little more communication before that But maybe OP's parents have been lovely in other ways before this and OP had just had it with them mystes fucked around with this message at 01:12 on May 9, 2024 |
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:05
|
|
|
AITA for throwing out expired food my brother was hoarding? quote:I (22F) was looking in my brother’s room (with permission from him) for his (22M) spare computer mouse since mine broke. While I was rooting around his desk, I found a whole bunch of snack foods except they were all expired, like 2018 and older (two of them were from 2015 e__e) expiration dates.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:21
|
|
|
mystes posted:Also, the parents renting the house to OP may very well assholes but ignoring that, it seems like the problem is that quote:I said I assumed that Brad was paying the other half. Nope. I had to pay all the rent. I asked why I had to pay for them to stay in my house. My mom said it wasn't my house yet and that I was being mouthy. Seems pretty unambiguous to me. OP could have tried to bargain more at this point but if my landlord (family or no) called me "mouthy" for not wanting freeloaders foisted onto the living space I pay for then I'd be ready to torch that bridge.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:28
|
|
|
mystes posted:Also, the parents renting the house to OP may very well assholes but ignoring that, it seems like the problem is that OP's brother has money, that's how they're servicing their debts. OP's brother will just have to have to service his family's debts slower than they would if OP was the one fronting their brother's living expenses. Also, OP did bring up how they were not happy with the arrangement, and their mom called them mouthy for it. I really don't see how the addition of "and I'm willing to move out over it" would've actually made anything BETTER.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:29
|
|
|
ChickenOfTomorrow posted:AITA for throwing out expired food my brother was hoarding? This is just Fallout environmental storytelling. In fifty years, someone will find his skeleton reaching for the limited edition star spangled Dandy Boy snack cakes.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:30
|
|
|
Family deals like that with the long term promise of some big inheritance or a house coming at the end can turn ugly fast. I had a co-worker years ago who's wealthy boomer parents owned a couple investment condos. The deal was that him and his girlfriend could live in the condo and pay full market rent AND fix the place up over a few years, the condo would then be flipped for a tidy profit with the parents saying he'd get 100% of the profits. So he ran the math and paying market rent for 3 years, splitting costs for renovations, and then flipping the condo meant he'd come out around 50-80k ahead given the market conditions at the time. Well, 2 years go by and they've put a ton of work into the condo but there's still some left to do. They've been going really slow because they live there and can't just gut the whole thing at once but are nearly there. Dad then starts acting really weird about how slow they're going, acting like he's super angry and stressed out about making the 3 year deadline. This comes out of nowhere and they've been fully on track the whole time. Suddenly it all makes sense when he says that he's going to include my co-workers fail-sister in the mix. Suddenly she'll be moving in to the 2nd bedroom, will pay 1/4 of the rent (not 1/3 for being 1 out of 3 people, or 1/2 for taking 1 of 2 bedrooms, just 1/4 for no reason) because dad says they "need more manpower to get the renovation on track" and "We need to include your sister in this as it's a family operation" By the time they sell the condo the dad announces he's selling the condo... to the sister. For like half market value. She just loves living there so much and she's had a hard last few years and needs the family help. This of course means there's no profits to distribute. Thank you for the free labour, 68k in rent, and about 20k in renovation costs. Nothing was in writing, it was all just verbal deals between family. Guy got absolutely hosed. But dad kept dangling "don't worry, I'll take this all into account in my will" in front of him. Oh I forgot the guy's fiance broke up with him shortly after all this. Baronjutter fucked around with this message at 01:37 on May 9, 2024 |
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:34
|
|
|
Pantaloon Pontiff posted:I had a partner at one point who had 'trouble dates' all through the year. I was talking with a friend about what in this thread would be 'relationship court will say YTA if you break up with someone near a date that is really significant to them,' and I pointed out that by those rules relationship court would only allow me to break up with her during a stretch of about two or three weeks in June, and maybe not even then since that's close to when my family usually goes on a vacation trip (which might have become significant event for her). Actually plotting out the 'bad time to do something' times got them to agree that the rule sounds good in theory but is actually awful in practice. Break up with me? On *checks calendar* the 79th anniversary of VE Day? Marshal Zhukov is turning over in his grave.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:42
|
|
|
Baronjutter posted:Family deals like that with the long term promise of some big inheritance or a house coming at the end can turn ugly fast. I had a co-worker years ago who's wealthy boomer parents owned a couple investment condos. The deal was that him and his girlfriend could live in the condo and pay full market rent AND fix the place up over a few years, the condo would then be flipped for a tidy profit with the parents saying he'd get 100% of the profits. So he ran the math and paying market rent for 3 years, splitting costs for renovations, and then flipping the condo meant he'd come out around 50-80k ahead given the market conditions at the time. This is just harsh as gently caress.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:52
|
|
|
mom and dad fight a lot posted:
I don't know, I think having your manager at work getting involved in your personal life is a big risk. If he gives the employee a glowing review to the new in-laws even though he's a pretty mediocre employee, is that going to come up later when he's passed over for promotions and such? Manager can explain that he's not working how they'd like, and employee will be asking why he told his new in-laws that he had a lot of potential and was going to go far in that company? Which I'm guessing is what they want to know -- not if he's a good employee or whatever, but what kind of future earning potential he has, what position he can be expected to acquire, is he going to be able to support their daughter the way they expect? If he has a face-to-face interview with them he could easily be put on the spot and get caught off guard. He likely doesn't want to make anything that's going to sound like a promise or an expectation he'll be held to later. He definitely needs to talk to HR about it, but I'd personally give anything non-work related like this a hard pass, because it could for sure bite him in the rear end later. quote:Mx. posted: This kind of sounds like OP was getting the lovely end of the deal anyway. She has to pay rent and maintenance for however many years, and then get a "discounted" price on the house, but all that money goes to the brother? So I guess she's getting the house and probably putting in what would be full price for it, is but basically giving the money to her brother? I guess I don't understand the math here. I feel bad for the wedding lady who left in the middle of her reception, but for her husband as well. She seems to have just realized that his poo poo family is going to walk all over both of them and her husband isn't able to stand up to it. I don't remember from the story if it's mentioned who paid for it, but gently caress if I'm going to pay for a venue, invitations, food, music, booze, and everything else for a huge celebration for myself and my spouse and have some rear end in a top hat stand up in the middle of a speech that's supposed to honor the couple and instead make it all about himself and his proposal and hijack the whole event. gently caress you, pay for your own party. Especially with his family all in on it, you know they probably spent the rest of the reception congratulating him and asking about plans and everything else. gently caress that noise. It's sad if she divorces her husband over this, but the alternative is to put up with his lovely family for the rest of her life, or convince him to cut them off.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:55
|
|
|
Baronjutter posted:Family deals like that with the long term promise of some big inheritance or a house coming at the end can turn ugly fast. I had a co-worker years ago who's wealthy boomer parents owned a couple investment condos. The deal was that him and his girlfriend could live in the condo and pay full market rent AND fix the place up over a few years, the condo would then be flipped for a tidy profit with the parents saying he'd get 100% of the profits. So he ran the math and paying market rent for 3 years, splitting costs for renovations, and then flipping the condo meant he'd come out around 50-80k ahead given the market conditions at the time.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 01:59
|
|
|
Baronjutter posted:Family deals like that with the long term promise of some big inheritance or a house coming at the end can turn ugly fast. FMguru fucked around with this message at 02:06 on May 9, 2024 |
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:01
|
|
|
Verbal agreements with boomer parents aren't worth the paper they're not printed on. They absolutely experience pleasure from leaving their own kids hanging at the last moment.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:04
|
|
|
FMguru posted:Yeah doing anything for the promise or possibility of a future inheritance is a terrible idea. I've seen stories in previous threads where someone is promised the family business if they work in it, and they spend a couple of decades managing their stepdads restaurant or whatever, putting in 60 hour weeks for low pay, and when dad retires, he sells the place or gives it to one of his failkids and OP has nothing for show for twenty five years of hard work. Unless you get it an ironclad legal agreement for it, the promise of a big inheritance somewhere down the line should be treated as a pipe dream (or the come-on to a scam). Hell, even if the offer was on the level, your reward for sticking it out is: a business that was only ever profitable because it had an idiot working 60 hour weeks for peanuts. Also you're probably already in your fifties and have hardly any wealth to your name because you've been underpaid for decades.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:09
|
|
|
Funeral-proposal guy failed to realize that there were two people who knew about the deal, and one of them was lying there full of formaldehyde. Furthermore, nobody else in the family wanted the fun party that Grandpa had wanted. I get the good intentions, but I also get why they threw him out.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:10
|
|
|
Yeah I feel like if he had been clearer that his uncle specifically said he should do that it would have gone over a lot better.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:17
|
|
|
Vertigo Ambrosia posted:Yeah I feel like if he had been clearer that his uncle specifically said he should do that it would have gone over a lot better. He did say that his uncle wanted them to do it when he did it. But I don't think anybody there cared.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:22
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 1, 2024 17:47 |
|
|
Re the marriage interview guy: the future in-laws don't give a poo poo about any recommendation or anything. They're vetting the company to make sure their prospective son-in-law has a respectable career. Manager's job in this situation is to show up and make himself and the company sound important, with the groom's involvement as an afterthought.
|
|
#
?
May 9, 2024 02:28
|
|